TMI Tuesday – Sexpectations

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1. What are some challenges related to your sex life?
The main challenge that our sex life faces at the moment is being the parents of two teenage children. They don’t go to bed nice and early like they used to and unfortunately our bedroom opens into the main kitchen/living space of our house. The kids think that this makes our bedroom an extension of the lounge room. Not conducive to intimacy or a great sex life.

2. Is quality or quantity most important?
For a long time a great source of tension in our marriage was the quantity of sex. When one partner feels that they are not getting enough it becomes difficult to focus on quality and to let squabbles about quantity become all consuming.
A long journey later my focus has become very much on quality. Of course the old demon of quantity still rears its ugly head from time to time but it is becoming easier to tame.

3. How much sex is enough?
Continuing on from the last question this is a question I have asked Mr Jones and myself many times over the eighteen years of our relationship. I have never really come up with an absolute quantity.
Having said that it is easy to tell when you are not getting enough sex in our relationship. When I start to feel a distance and decrease in intimacy I know that it is time to take drastic action.

4. I want to have more _____ .
Sexy underwear and shoes. Two things you can never have enough of in your wardrobe.

5. I would like to attempt new sex positions such as _____ .
I honestly can’t think of a sex position that I have been wanting to try. Usually if there is something new to try I try it straight away. My attention span is really short. I have to strike while the iron is hot.

6. I would like to stop doing _____ sex position.
I can’t understand why anyone would keep doing anything sexual that they don’t enjoy. There is compromise and there is taking one for the team. Compromise is something that may entail a bit of give and take but definitely not something that you don’t enjoy but agree to do again.

7. To me foreplay means _____ .
Anything that gets your motor running. Anything.

8. Something I think about a lot related to sex is _____ .
I cannot think of a single thing that I think about a lot, related to sex. The things that spring to mind are making Pet’s ass nice and pink, Mr Jones’ cock and squirting.

Bonus: Tell us something you love about your sex life.
I love the freedom that I have to experience adventures as they come to mind. Even though it has been a long journey and sometimes hard work the process that Mr Jones and I have gone through has allowed us to enjoy adventures and experiences that many people aren’t even able to imagine.
Ten years ago I would never have believed that I would come this far.

Make sure that you visit the TMI Tuesday page for more TMI goodness.

What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

As some of my colleagues and I shared a drink to celebrate the end of another week attempting to educate other people’s children the conversation turned to what everyone was planning for Valentine’s Day. A range of ideas were shared including simple nights in watching movies to potential dinner dates and movie dates to the heavily promoted “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

I have mixed feelings about this book/movie franchise. Reqding the first book didnt  convince me it was a good idea to spend my hard earned cash or precious time on the second and third books. For me the book consisted of a string of unrealistic scenarios that titillated a little at first but became monotonous as time went on.

The thing that really got under my skin was how unrealistic everything was. I mean how many people out there have an earth shattering number of orgasms the first time we have sex? How many twenty year old virgins would even consider getting in to a relationship with someone as intense and demanding as Christian Grey, no matter how much money he had? I understand that the reason for the book’s popularity is the whole Mills and Boon style romantic fantasy. I also get that for most people this is the first book they have read that describes sex in graphic detail.Maybe that is why the books took off; not because they are good literature but because it is different.

As part of a promotion for the movie release a local radio station has this week been running a segment featuring a couple whose sex life has wandered away from regular lust filled nights to more mundane and less regular sessions. The deal was that the couple were to spend the week having sex every day, trying something that they hadn’t tried each time. Of course bondage featured as one of the ‘tasks’ the couple were required to complete but the whole focus was more on increasing the intimacy between them based on the alarming statistic that 70% of couples don’t feel there is enough intimacy in their relationship.

At the end of the week the sum up for the couple was that being forced in a way to complete the tasks and make the effort made a difference. This may come as a surprise to you all but I found many similarities between their situation and my own. Yes I am a sex goddess but I am also a full time teacher and a super mother. Sometimes the sex goddess is a role I only put on for other people in the same way that you clean your house for guests and put out the good china.

During this week I decided to take on board some of what the radio station guinea pigs were doing. I made sure I put priority on cuddles and doing the things I know Mr Jones likes. We talked about being more intimate and communicated our thoughts and ideas. I put in the sex goddess for him as well as my other fans. In the end it worked. The little rift that was opening up between us has closed nicely.In true superwoman style I was able to still cover all my other bases, including being a legendary sex goddess for Pet, and still rock the world with my husband. Somi have to agree with the line that was being promoted on the radio station, sometimes the excuses offered for a decrease in intimacy between couples are just that, excuses. If you make you relationship a priority those excuses fade away.

So where does all this fit into Fifty Shades? There are a lot of articles and blog posts that express different viewpoints about FSOG. Many of the ones I have come across are quite negative. My thoughts; There are issues with this book. It does stylise and romanticise bondage in a way that doesn’t help people who are genuinely curious, it does make the abuse of power in a relationship look romantic and desirable and it definitely presents a very inaccurate picture of the BDSM world. But there are positives about it. In a world obsessed with sex but full of people who don’t know how to go about making their relationships more satisfying at least it got some of us talking about sex. At the least it opened the mainstream public’s eyes to the possibility that there is something other than lights out missionary position, once a year sex. It is up to the community of enlightened people now to continue with the momentum and get more helpful, positive stories and information out there.

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The Big Red Door Part One

This post covers the next step the wonderful Journey that Mr Jones and I find ourself on. If you are a new visitor to these pages you can catch up with the previous posts on the page, The Journey to Now. I will return to this story periodically as I write posts dealing with it.

I am a child of the eighties. I started high school in 1985 at a school that boasted a very modern computer room. The machines that were housed in this miracle of modern technology probably had less processing power than a pocket calculator of 2014. I remember when the Internet was invented and I remember when Windows was considered a pretty nifty invention. What does this have to do with swinging? Well not a whole lot really except that it is very hard to imagine modern swinging without the internet. When Mr Jones and I decided to embark on the epic journey of opening our marriage we were blissfully unaware of this fact. The idea of using a dating website to meet people for sex was beyond the scope of our imagination. And so we found ourselves facing the big red front door of a swingers club that Mr Jones had located and researched, ironically on the Internet.

Getting from the point of discussing swinging as a very real possibility and not just a fantasy and actually standing at the door of the club took time, lots and lots of it. When Mr Jones had told me about the club my reaction was one of complete terror. A million questions plagued me like; what will the people be like? And what will they expect of me? I was terrified, I am not sure what of. Even now I can’t explain exactly what I was afraid of. It could have been a fear of the unknown or perhaps instinctively I understood that taking that step was like opening the life of Pandora’s box,  just of what I hadn’t experienced before and didn’t understand. Most likely my opinions were still being formed by the stereotypes that permeate our pop culture; that swinging is somehow sleazy and dirty and that the kind of people who would go to swing clubs are not ‘nice people’.

In the weeks and months after he had made the suggestion and told me of his discovery I allowed myself to get used to the idea and even read up on the information contained in the website in question. Thinking back now I can’t really understand how my mindset moved from the conservative values I was raised with and that formed the basis of most of my fears and the acceptance of the possibilities enough to take the first step of agreeing to visit the club. I didn’t watch porn, I didn’t read a lot of erotica and the idea of group sex was for me a little bit foreign. But move my perceptions I did.

One Saturday night we found ourselves standing at the reception counter of the much discussed club. It was located in an inner city industrial area tucked around the corner one block back from a main roadway. Convenient but not obvious, discreet even. The owner of the club was a very tall outspoken woman. She was not conventionally beautiful but she was very sexually appealing. More importantly she was welcoming, friendly and very matter of fact. She explained the rules of the club, took our money and arranged a tour for us. It was like stepping into another planet full of strange alien customs.

The private rooms where people went to have sex either with an open or closed door were fairly easy to deal with but the bondage play area where things got a little more kinky was slightly more out of the box. This particular club featured a room with a one way window where people could be observed without being able to see the people looking through the window. This room also featured a live internet stream. It was a little early and the club was filling slowly. After our tour Mr Jones and I sat in the bondage area which was on a mezzanine above the main bar area. He was very excited already by what he had seen and the possibilities that were opening up to us.

We had agreed that this evening was about window shopping. We didn’t know what to expect so we didn’t want to commit to doing anything in particular. A couple came up to us and introduced themselves. They were a little older than us and he explained that his wife liked to be tied up and pleasured by another woman. If there was a moment in that whole evening when I was going to run out of the door that was it. I was interested in exploring my bisexuality and these days a proposition like that would have been all kinds of interesting. But on that night, when I was taking the first tentative steps into exploring a lifestyle that went against most of what I had been taught for my entire life, it was terrifying. Thankfully I wasnt that easily deterred. I politely explained that we were very new and were “just looking” tonight. The couple were very understanding and left us to our own devices.

This understanding was something which I hadn’t really expected but it is something that I have become very accustomed to in the clubs that Mr Jones and I frequent. As we became more experienced we have learned that a lack of tolerance and understanding of where people are at is a sign of people who aren’t secure in their primary relationship and need to be avoided at all costs. Trying to remember the night now is difficult.

The whole night of course proved to be one of those experiences that changed our lives completely forever. We knew then that we had discovered something exceptional, we found ourselves not wanting to leave, reluctant to let go of our discovery, perhaps afraid that it would dissappear forever if we did, but the time came when we had to make a move. As we were leaving we said our goodbyes to a couple we had been speaking to. Like us they were relatively new to the whole scene and still working out what they were looking for. As we said goodbye she reached up and kissed me.

It was unlike any other kiss that I had ever experienced. The thing that remained with me to this day is the softness of a woman’s kiss. It is the thing that I keep going back to now when my curiosity is satisfied and I am no longer particularly interested in sex with women. That and breasts. I really really like beautiful natural breasts. Afterwards for weeks Mr Jones was completely buzzed by this happening. He kept singing to me the lyrics from the Katey Perry song, “I Kissed a Girl” which was on the charts at the time. Travelling home and for the next weeks afterwards we talked many times about what we had seen and done. Our sex took on another dimension. The thing that was absolutely, unequivocally going to happen next was another visit.

TMI and Conan O’Brien

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This week’s questions were inspired by Conan O’Brien. I have to admit that I am not particularly familiar with Conan O’Brien, most of those styles are shown on television quite late at night so I don’t really watch them but I do like the questions.

As always make sure you check out the TMI page for more TMI goodness.

1. One thing I will never comprehend is ____ .
Why people get their children’s names tattooed on their body. I admit I am a ‘cleanskin’ and don’t have any tattoos of my own but I do admire that style of art. But I just don’t understand the need to get your children’s names permanently written on you. It’s not like you are going to forget them nor is anyone else who matters to you. So why? I just don’t get it.

2. My blood type is ____ .
The most common type; O positive. I have been a blood donor for several years. Because of my blood type I now donate plasma as it is a much more useful donation to the Australian Blood Service as in Australia we are not able to collect enough plasma locally to make all the products our health system requires while we do collect enough whole blood.

3. I am pretty healthy for ____ .
A forty two year old working mother.
Last year was my first year of high school teaching. The school I was teaching at was very full on and so I had a lot of stress related health issues. This year I am working in a much better environment and I am on top of things much more and I feel my basic health is much improved. Pole dancing is my main form of exercise and it has huge health benefits including improved strength and flexibility.

4. When I really cannot sleep I ____ .
Get up and do the ironing. It is a fabulous way to zone out and stop your mind from ticking over.

5. You never forget ____ .
The side of your car that the petrol cap is on. At a recent family gathering I was reminded very strongly exactly how ditsy one of my nephew’s wife is through a conversation about this topic. I was stunned at the way that some people struggle with this basic concept. For me it is one of those things you never really forget, like remembering which foot your shoe goes on.

6. As a child my favorite pet was ____ .
I grew up on a farm surrounded by animals. I had one particular pet, a tabby cat who was called Sam. Interestingly a tabby has made his way into my house recently and like my childhood friend, stolen my heart.

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Bonus: This week’s question comes from The Late Phoenix – “Why was fuck chosen as the ultimate swear word? It coulda easily been duck.”
I don’t think that duck would have ever become the ultimate swear word because fuck has always, since it’s earliest use in the English language, referred to the act of sexual intercourse. I think that the word did not become a swear word as such, rather it became less socially acceptable to discuss sex openly and so words used to refer to sex have become taboo.