Last week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt was “Disability”. I haven’t participated in Wicked Wednesday for a while but a recent experience really fitted with the prompt so I wanted to participate. Sadly I was a little bit disorganised and didn’t get my post written in time. I still wanted to share my experience with you all so here it is. Of course I encourage you to visit the Wicked Wednesday site to read some of the other submissions.
The couple seemed like many other couples I had seen at our regular club. New to things, shy, hiding away in the corner unsure of how to interact in this alien environment. The only thing that gave them away was the sign language. At first I thought that maybe one of them was hearing and one was deaf. It turned out that both were deaf. The lady of the couple was able to lip read and speak a little. The man was not.
Whether it was because of her stronger ability to communicate in a hearing world or because of her more outgoing personality Mrs did all the speaking for both of them. At first I hesitated to speak to them, I struggle to make small talk at the best of times let alone in a situation where I don’t understand their language and they don’t understand mine. But something in me encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and with the help of a notepad we started chatting.
Once I got used to writing the more complex ideas down in brief notes and started to understand my new friend’s unusual accent I felt more comfortable. Comfortable enough to ask them to play. Through our chatting we had learned that this was not a first swinging experience for her but it was for him. Looking back now I realise that he was very reserved. At the time I didn’t pick it up because of the communication issues.
When we got into the room we went into the usual routine of undressing. Mrs had made it clear that they wanted to swap before we had gotten into the room but even so it was awkward. Mr was unsure of what to do and once his partner was busy elsewhere he had no way of asking. I could almost feel his hands shaking as he touched me but we settled down after a while.
It struck me how quiet the room was. It made me wonder how our new friends experience sex. Until that moment I had not thought about the role that sound played in my own sexual experiences. I knew I am often very noisy when I am enjoying myself but the silence in the room brought it home to me how much I relied on sound from the other person to help me understand what is going on with them. When you are having sex with a stranger every little nuance is important. Unless you are completely self centred and don’t really care. Thankfully I am not like that. Pleasure for my partner is the ultimate turn on for me.
Although we started out well things did not go well for my new friend and I. Despite my best efforts and trying every trick I knew a bad case of stage fright spoiled our fun. We were reduced to that awkward situation of watching the other half of our partnerships having a wonderful time on the other side of the bed. In situations like this I whisper to my new friends about how sexy their wife looks. Sometimes it helps them to relax and get something out of the evening but in this case I couldn’t even do that. I felt as hampered and frustrated by his disability as he did.
In the end the couple dressed and left quite quickly. He apologised as much as he could and I reassured him as much as I could but I think my reassurances fell on deaf ears in more ways than one. I wanted to tell him it was OK and a whole lot of other things but I would have needed a dozen notebooks and hours of time. It was never going to happen.
It would be easy to blame the disability for what happened. But I think that was a cop out. Certainly it didn’t help but like many similar situations involving people with perfect hearing a whole raft of other factors came into play. Noting can truly prepare someone for that first swinging experience. Until you are in that room naked with strangers you can never know what is going to happen or how you are going to feel. I remember my own journey through that time and am thankful that I had an understanding partner and found understanding people. The adage “communicated, communicate, communicate” was the thing that got us through. How much harder was it going to be for a person who has limited communication? I am awestruck by their willingness to try and I hope that this experience doesn’t make them give up forever.