A Silent World

Last week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt was “Disability”. I haven’t participated in Wicked Wednesday for a while but a recent experience really fitted with the prompt so I wanted to participate. Sadly I was a little bit disorganised and didn’t get my post written in time. I still wanted to share my experience with you all so here it is. Of course I encourage you to visit the Wicked Wednesday site to read some of the other submissions. 

The couple seemed like many other couples I had seen at our regular club. New to things, shy, hiding away in the corner unsure of how to interact in this alien environment. The only thing that gave them away was the sign language. At first I thought that maybe one of them was hearing and one was deaf. It turned out that both were deaf. The lady of the couple was able to lip read and speak a little. The man was not.

Whether it was because of her stronger ability to communicate in a hearing world or because of her more outgoing personality Mrs did all the speaking for both of them. At first I hesitated to speak to them, I struggle to make small talk at the best of times let alone in a situation where I don’t understand their language and they don’t understand mine. But something in me encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and with the help of a notepad we started chatting. 

Once I got used to writing the more complex ideas down in brief notes and started to understand my new friend’s unusual accent I felt more comfortable. Comfortable enough to ask them to play. Through our chatting we had learned that this was not a first swinging experience for her but it was for him. Looking back now I realise that he was very reserved. At the time I didn’t pick it up because of the communication issues. 

When we got into the room we went into the usual routine of undressing. Mrs had made it clear that they wanted to swap before we had gotten into the room but even so it was awkward. Mr was unsure of what to do  and once his partner was busy elsewhere he had no way of asking. I could almost feel his hands shaking as he touched me but we settled down after a while. 

It struck me how quiet the room was. It made me wonder how our new friends experience sex. Until that moment I had not thought about the role that sound played in my own sexual experiences. I knew I am often very noisy when I am enjoying myself but the silence in the room brought it home to me how much I relied on sound from the other person to help me understand what is going on with them. When you are having sex with a stranger every little nuance is important. Unless you are completely self centred and don’t really care. Thankfully I am not like that. Pleasure for my partner is the ultimate turn on for me. 

Although we started out well things did not go well for my new friend and I. Despite my best efforts and trying every trick I knew a bad case of stage fright spoiled our fun. We were reduced to that awkward situation of watching the other half of our partnerships having a wonderful time on the other side of the bed. In situations like this I whisper to my new friends about how sexy their wife looks. Sometimes it helps them to relax and get something out of the evening but in this case I couldn’t even do that. I felt as hampered and frustrated by his disability as he did. 

In the end the couple dressed and left quite quickly. He apologised as much as he could and I reassured him as much as I could but I think my reassurances fell on deaf ears in more ways than one. I wanted to tell him it was OK and a whole lot of other things but I would have needed a dozen notebooks and hours of time. It was never going to happen. 

It would be easy to blame the disability for what happened. But I think that was a cop out. Certainly it didn’t help but like many similar situations involving people with perfect hearing a whole raft of other factors came into play. Noting can truly prepare someone for that first swinging experience. Until you are in that room naked with strangers you can never know what is going to happen or how you are going to feel. I remember my own journey through that time and am thankful that I had an understanding partner and found understanding people. The adage “communicated, communicate, communicate” was the thing that got us through. How much harder was it going to be for a person who has limited communication? I am awestruck by their willingness to try and I hope that this experience doesn’t make them give up forever. 

TMI Tuesday – Sex Organs and Other Stuff

It is Tuesday and that means time for another round to TMI questions. As always you can check out more confessions on the TMI page. 

  

1. What would you eat for your “last supper”?

When I think about just food I find this question quite hard to answer. There is just so much good food in the world it is too hard to choose just one dish. But then I saw the image above and the answer becomes really clear. If I was to be having a last supper I would gorge myself on thick beautiful cocks like that one. 

2. Name 3 interesting and unique things to do in your town/city/region.

The area I live in is extremely multicultural. There are active and vibrant communities from all over the world, Europe, Asia, Africa, The Pacific Ocean and probably a whole bunch of places I haven’t mentioned. So there are some VERY interesting things to see if you walk around certain streets and precincts. There are markets which feature international cuisine and clothing, streets of shops with African wig shops right next to noodle bars and also the only council approved swingers club in the South East Queensland. 

3. Tell us 2 things that terrify you.

I am totally freaked out by heights. I am unable to comfortably approach the edge of balconies on high rise hotels. I am also inherently afraid of falling on my head. Ironic considering that I do pole dancing for fun. This fear has held me back from doing a lot of things with my pole dancing. Over time I have managed to conquer the fear by facing it head on. Often when I find myself unable to master a particular trick I know it is my headspace holding me back. 

4. Give us your best sex tip.

Don’t worry about what other people think about what you like. If you are turned on, enjoying yourself and no one is getting hurt then it is OK. Enjoy the ride.

5. What do you have that you need to throw away?

A lot of things probably! I think quite a few notes from my most recent degree. I worry that one day I will need them but I have been teaching now for a year and a half and haven’t once referred to anything that I recorded at university. So I can’t see myself using them any time soon. 

Bonus: Would you participate in a sex organ beauty pageant? Why or why not?

I don’t really believe in beauty pageants and a pageant for sex organs would be no different. Like the rest of us sex organs come in all shapes and sizes and they are all attractive in their own way. 

————

The Little Engine That Could

Every teacher in the world knows my pain when I say that reports were due at 9 am this morning. Needless to say my workplace this morning was filled with bleary eyed people mainlining coffee and comparing their bed times from the night before. There was also a limited amount of enthusiasm for my excitement when I met the 9am deadline because the vast majority of my collegues did not and we’re facing another day of trying to convince classes to work quietly while they attempted to plough through what remained of their marking and data uploading. While I am happy with my achievement this is not a post aimed at boosting my self esteem with boasting it is more of a sharing of my discovery this week of the deep well of positivity hidden deep inside of me.

Back in my pre-depression days (well at least before I was diagnosed) a friend commented to me that I was one of the most positive people he had ever met. Lately I have been wondering where that positivity has gone to. My friend the Black Dog has been a very regular visitor and his visits have been making it very difficult to see the upside of many situations.

My reason for writing this post though is that throughout the last month or so I seem to have found a way to begin to tap into this well of positivity again. I have discovered that it wasn’t lost, merely hiding. In the weeks leading up to my deadline I found a focus that I have not been able to tap into for quite a while. I formulated a plan and I stuck to it. Every day I set myself a small goal, knowing that if I achieved this I would make the big goal on time. 

It worked. But what stuck in my mind was how positive I was that I was going to make the deadline, I never felt in the days before that is wasn’t going to make it. In the words of Eminem “success was my only motherfucking option”. And so now I share my success with you because I am feeling very pleased with myself and my collegues are not really able to share my excitement. 

The Big Red Door Part 2

Our second visit to Couples International was accompanied by much nervous energy. We were like teenagers going to our first grown up party; nervous, excited and terrified of not being accepted. Our first visit had given us an idea of what to expect and what was expected of us. We had talked a little about participating in action this time. The possibility of participating in some action this time was tantalising. It has taken me until now, five years later, to admit to myself that I was really ready to legitimately experience another cock.

In the excitement of preparation other things bothered us. Like what should we wear and will our grooming be good enough? I had recently lost some weight and was feeling thinner and fitter than I had for most of my adult life. In line with this I had acquired a dress that was short, had a low neckline and was made from red satin. Mr Jones had purchased it for me as a birthday present for himself. Kind of unusual but I wasn’t protesting. It was the kind of dress i had always wanted to wear but had always held back from wearing because it was too revealing and I was too fat. The usual excuses. But now finally I felt thin enough and I had somewhere to go where revealing clothing was the norm.

We made our way through the big red door to find the club a lot busier than it had been the last time we had visited. It was some kind of theme night, I don’t remember what the theme was but we had chosen not to dress in theme. We were not the only ones but we were in the minority. At the time we didn’t know that dressing in costume and participating in theme is a staple of swingers parties.

The little red dress created attention. Hardly surprising really, it was designed to do just that. I was approached by several guys quite early in the evening. My ego was nicely stroked and I found myself coming out of my shell a little. The seed that was to later bloom into fully fledged exhibitionism was germinated.

On the flip side of all this was Mr Jones who didn’t have a similar way of attracting the attention of women. For men it is harder. You can’t just turn up looking hot and be showered in attention. Instead you are part of the crowd who is vying for the attention of the person who has turned up looking hot. For women improving confidence is relatively simple. You put on a dress and some shoes and open yourself up to accept compliments. For a man you have to find someone to give you compliments and then beat off all the already confident men vying for her attention somehow.

On this particular night I am a little ashamed to admit that I was caught up in the attention that I was receiving and didn’t notice the struggle Mr Jones was having. Having an admiring audience is a wonderful thing but it is like wine, too much and you can end up acting like an inconsiderate idiot.

To cut a long story short we ended up in a room with two people who had sex with each other but they were certainly not a couple in the accepted sense. The main reason we were there was because this guy had propositioned me and I was all revved up and ready to go. At the last minute I had said “we only play together with other couples” which had been our major rule for the night. Magically he whipped up a girl who was his fuckbuddy. I was too naive and Mr Jones was not confident enough to say no.

Of course it turned out that she was more interested in me that Mr Jones, another issue we had to learn about, and the encounter was brief and by today’s standards pretty unsatisfactory.

We went away from the evening with a lot of ‘stuff’ rattling around between us. On the whole our experience was a positive one and we witnessed a lot of things that were intensely exciting. These first evenings were the ones that introduced me to the joys of watching live sex. I had never really been much of a porn fan but watching real people have real sex is stimulating in a way that porn, even very good porn, can never be.

Of course there were other less positive things to discuss and work through. Mr Jones made his feelings about being dragged into a situation that was not that exciting to him known and we learned our first lessons about one of the key aspects to being successful in this world, communication. For many people communication is about saying what you want to say. But real communication is about saying what you want to say in a non – aggressive way and listening to what the other person has to say in a non-judgemental way. It takes time to become skilled at this. It also takes a willingness to deal with baggage from the past.

In our situation Mr Jones had a history of feeling like a wallflower both in my company and with other partners. This made his reaction to my popularity and his lack in that area stronger and more marked. For my part I found it a little difficult to be sympathetic. I felt like he was asking me to sit in the corner with him and miss the fun. The same thing had happened in more vanilla social situations and it had always frustrated me. This time was no different.

The other aspect of this happening was the issue of finding a couple we both found attractive. We were to learn that this is something almost everyone struggles with. For me I found it incredibly difficult to tell what Mr Jones found attractive. He was reasonably vocal about what he didn’t like but very non-specific about what he did like. In the situation we had just faced the woman was very curvy. Mr Jones made it very clear that he didn’t like fat women but in true form could not give an indication of what he did like.

At the time I took on board his comments quickly and easily. I didn’t realise how hard it would prove to be to find a couple we both enjoyed. More importantly I didn’t realise how much angst Mr Jones’ tendency to be critical but not forthcoming about what he exactly wanted was going to cause me. I also didn’t realise how hard it could prove to be to voice my own desires and take a stand that ensured that I was happy with my end of the bargain.

Both of us were excited to take on this new and racy lifestyle. Neither of us understood how much we had to learn.

TMI Tuesday – All Kinds of Yumminess

This week’s questions are so delicious! I know you won’t be able to stop at just one so go ahead, indulge yourself and uncover some secrets at the TMI page 

  
1. Have you ever had an orgasm at work? How? Tell us the circumstances.

I thought long and hard about this one but I am relatively certain that the answer is no. Which, given the headspace I am in right at this moment, I am a little sad about. It is very unlikely that I will ever engage in sexual exploits at my current employment because that kind of thing is very, very inappropriate. Believe me when I say I ame the furtherest thing from the fun police you will ever find but there are some lines that should never be crossed and that is one of them. 

2. Do you ever fantasize about your significant other while you are at work?

Absolutely! And of course other people, especially Pet. Although there are days when I don’t have time or the inclination to think about anything not work related. When I first started teaching I was determined to keep my Gemma life very separated. Once I walked through the school gate I refused to even message people. These days I have become a little more relaxed and the boundaries have moved a little. But everything is firmly in my head and has a much lower priority. 

3. How old was the oldest person with whom you’ve had sex.

I am not sure of exact ages of everyone I have had sex with but I am relatively certain that I have not had sex with someone who is in their sixties. I think the oldest would be late fifties. I know a lot of men are very worried about their age. In the on line dating swingers world there seems to be this barrier around the 40 mark. The cut off age for some parties is 40 along with the cut off age for a lot of profiles. There is also this idea that younger men are more desirable. I have been approached by younger men but in all honesty they are often too high maintenance for me. I find men like Mr Jones and Pet who are both well past 40 to be much more respectful and sensitive to what makes me tick. 

Note to self; I need to change my dating profile to extend my upper age acceptance level.

4. Have you ever fallen asleep during sex?

No! If I am that tired I usually excuse myself and go to sleep before things get too serious. If things are that boring I do the same thing. I think telling someone that it isn’t working for you may be hard but it is definitely going to hurt their feelings much less than if you start snoring right before they execute thier master move! 

5. Have you ever cross-dressed or worn undergarments of the opposite sex?

No not really. It isn’t something I have ever thought of doing or been asked to do. I haven written on these pages before about Pet’s predeliction for wearing women’s underwear. Especially ones that belong to women he actually fucks. He has told me that most women are not receptive to his particular kink which I think is kind of sad. Mostly because making someone feel like they are weird for being the way they are is very selfish. 

Secondly I personally find watching someone enjoy themselves extremely sexy. Or maybe I just love the sight of a man’s cock covered in slinky, lacy fabric. Mmmmmmm.

  
Bonus: You have the power to banish one person from earth, who would you banish?

For me this one was a bit of a no brainer. Sadly it would be my mother. Already I can see a lot of you thinking “My Mum is the most important person in the world to me. How could you even consider banishing your mother?” 

Believe me I would love to have the kind of mother that is the first person I call up when I have a problem or need help with something but sadly my mother is not one of those people. Instead she is a very controlling and manipulative person. Her primary method of controlling people is by guilt which has caused me endless heartache in my life. It has taken me the best part of 40 years to learn how to deal with this but I have noticed recently that even a phone call to my mother can trigger my depression. Earlier in the week I had to call her to tell her that I wouldn’t be coming to visit as I had previously planned because of work and family commitments. Her response of the abandoned parent almost instantly triggered that old feeling of being so tired all I could manage to do is hibernate in my bed with the blanket over my head. 

So yes. Not having her in my life would be all kinds of wonderful. 

Goddess Worship

A few nights ago I received an interesting proposition from a gentleman that I have known for a couple of years. Mr Jones and I have enjoyed some excellent sex with this gentleman and his very sexy wife several times over those years. Every time we have met and played together it has been all four of us in the same room. Definitely we have swapped partners but there has never been talk of them enjoying sexy time without their partner being at least in the same house. Yet there it was, a message asking if I could come and visit him at a time and place where his wife would not be present. When I enquired about her knowledge of the adventure his reply was; “It will be our little secret” 

This was not the kind of guy I would have ever imagined wanting to cheat on his wife. I was taken aback by his approach and it put me in a dilemma, I had very much enjoyed his company but I really didn’t want to get involved in a situation like that? In the end I refused. I hope politely. 
Single women in I have met have told me that of 90 – 95% of the couples they meet they will be approached by the man later asking for separate and secret sex. But to be approached by someone who is involved in swinging with their partner and still wants to cheat? I don’t get it. Why do they feel the need for more?
For some people infidelity is black and white. Either you do it and you are the scum of the earth or you don’t do it and you think everyone who does is the scum of the earth. I have learned over the years of talking with people who either commit or think seriously about infidelity, both men and women, that life is never that simple. I have also come to have the very firm belief that other people’s marriages are their business. I don’t have the right, or the knowledge of the situation to make any kind of judgement call about how people choose to conduct their relationship. In the past I have enabled people to commit adultery, either directly by participating, or indirectly by providing an alibi. Some of these situations have been very mutually satisfying and some have not exactly gone according to plan and resulted in people being caught out in a lie. When a cheater is caught in a lie I have observed their reaction is usually to tell more and bigger lies. I am always astounded by the obvious faults in these lies and how the victims of the cheating usually buy into the lies. This acceptance led me to adopt the policy of not judging a cheater. In every situation there are more facets than we can observe and often the supposed victim of the cheating is making a choice to turn a blind eye to what is going on.
I could write pages and pages about this but it isn’t the point of my post. As I said I have fucked people who are cheating on their partner before and it has been all kinds of hot and horny fun. So why did I turn down someone who has a proven, very excellent, track record based purely on the fact that what he is proposing is cheating on his wife? The answer is not what you may think, I have not become a moral and upstanding member of the community. 
In short I am not interested in being involved with someone who is not free to give me the time and attention that I deserve. As I have proclaimed before, I am a Goddess. If your situation does not give you the freedom to give me the attention worthy of my status then I am simply not interested. I have a very busy life and when I take the time out to hook up it has to be on my terms and it most definitely has to be very very satisfying. Don’t get me wrong, all of my partners will attest that I am most definitely a giving bed partner. But know this; if my feelings after an encounter are meh then I will not be placing a priority on going back for more. In my experience people who feel the need to sneak around behind their partner’s backs are very self centred. This often leads to sex which is great for them but pretty meh for me. Not something I am interested in. 

The other aspect of cheaters that I refuse to buy into is that they seem to think that asking a girl to drop everything, drive for thirty or forty minutes and hook up for thirty minutes of sex in the back seat of a car while their wife watches CSI is acceptable. It isn’t. Maybe when I was nineteen and hadn’t realised that my life wasn’t a door mat for other people to wipe their feet on, but as a forty-two year old who is very aware of my value definitely not. In short, if you want access to my vagina it is on my terms and my terms are; you turn up on time and you make sure you are able to give me and my vagina the attention it deserves. 

  

TMI Tuesday – Three is a Charm

  
Hello and welcome to Tuesday. I liked these questions and somehow I managed to find some time to actually sit down and answer them!

As always make sure you head over to the TMI page for more TMI revelations 

1. You are interviewing someone to be your lover, what are the 3 most important questions you will ask?

Funnily enough I have been involved in a large number of coffee dates that would equate to an interview for a lover. So here goes;

a) What exactly are you looking for? 

This is pretty important. It is also important to have confidence that the interviewee is being honest and up front.

b) How do you feel about being naked and potentially in close proximity to another man (my husband)?

This is a deal breaker. If a man is not comfortable being naked in the same bed as my husband they are not going to get past the coffee date 

c) How do you feel about public or semi public sex? 

This is not necessarily a deal breaker but someone who is comfortable in perusing opportunities for public sex is definitely going to have a higher chance of success. 

2. You are interviewing people to be your personal servant/valet. What are the 3 most important questions you will ask?
This was an interesting one. Initially I could only think of things that I don’t really need to ask about like what their ass looks like etc but after considering it more I did come up with a few things.

a) What is your opinion on non-Monogamy? 

b) Are you open to the idea of being involved in a less professional interaction? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, 😉😉

c) How do you feel about being naked and in close proximity to me and my husband? 

3. You are selecting a pet for you or your family. What are the 3 most important criteria?

a) Do we already have one of them? 

b) How will the new pet’s presence affect all of the other animals that live with us. 

Chickens, guinea pigs, geese, cats, budgies and fish in case you were wondering.

  
c) How will the potential new pet affect the garden around our house.

We live on acreage and I have vetoed getting a pet pig because I don’t want my landscaping destroyed any more than it already has been by the poultry. I will also mention that historically our pet selection has also been influenced strongly by coming accross an orphan or discarded animal.

4. Name 3 good things you did yesterday.

I must be a terrible person because I can’t think of even one good thing I did yesterday.  

5. Name 3 bad things you ate yesterday.

Chocolate, I keep a bag of Freddo Frogs in my desk ostensibly as prizes for classroom competitions but it does come in handy sometimes.

  
 For dinner I had two minute noodles at 10pm which is when I got home from pole dancing class. This was washed down with a Jack Daniels and coke. Technically that is not something bad to eat but it is TMI Tuesday so I am allowed to bend the rules a little. 

Bonus: It is said that bad these happen in threes. What was your last episode of 3 bad things?

Much like the good deeds question I don’t really keep tabs on the bad things that happen to me. So I don’t really notice patterns on bad luck or bad things that happen to me.