My Biggest Regret

I had the opportunity to go through the Pages app on my iPad and found all manner of half finished and scribbling of ideas. A lot of them were things I started with the very best of intentions to link to memes or as a response to something current in the news of the day. I will admit here that I am not a good finisher but I was very pleased that my rummaging did prompt me to finish this piece which was in response to a Wicked Wenesday prompt quite some time ago. I am kind of embarrased to find out how long ago, so I won’t try to look for the prompt. Instead it will be my submission for this week’s Wicked Wednesday. 


There was once a chance I didn’t take. It was one of those moments when your dearest fantasy is handed to you on a platter but you are too busy dealing with real life to grab it and then before you can stop it someone rips the platter away forever. I was working in this upmarket menswear store in Cardiff. Most of our customers were spoiled little rich boys who thought that their money and their fancy cars made them every poor little sales attendant’s dream man. When they came into our store they treated us like part of the merchandise, pinching our butt and ogling down our blouse at every opportunity. Our store manager was a misogynist of the worst kind and insisted that we wear tiny skirts and show plenty of cleavage because it was good for business which of course only encouraged this kind of behaviour. No wonder he had such a high staff turnover. I only stuck at the job because it was literally around the corner form the Dr Who set and I harboured a secret fantasy that one day I would run into The Doctor in the street. 

One day as I was unpacking stock a customer came in and began flicking through the jeans on the rack next to me. I was engrossed in my task and I was completely unprepared for what I would see when I looked up in response to a more polite than usual request for help.

“What do you think?” The tall gangly man in front of me held a pair of faded crinkled jeans and held them up to his body. 

There was a long moment of silence as I digested the fact that I was standing in front of Matt Smith, THE Matt Smith. Arguably the sexiest man who has ever flown the TARDIS. And now, he was standing in front of me holding a pair of jeans over his waist waiting for my opinion. He raised his eyebrow a little prompting me to remember that I was supposed to be answering his question. 

“Well,” I answered, glancing at the rack beside him, “it is really up to you, of course. But I think something like this might work better with someone of your shape.” I pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans. I am a nerd at heart, I have a weakness for slender men in tight fitting pants and here I was dressing the man who was every nerd girl’s sex symbol. 

He considered my choice for a few moments, “A little stereotypical perhaps,” he mused, “but never say never.” He took the jeans from my hands and I pointed him in the direction of the change rooms. 

Julie sauntered over to me as I returned to the boxes of stock. 

“I am guessing from the look on your face that you think this one is cute,” she smirked at me.

I looked at her for a moment trying to fathom what she was on about, “what?” I frowned in confusion.

“The guy with the jeans,” she guess turned towards the jean rack, “you seemed to melt into the floor when he spoke to you.” 

It dawned on me then that she had absolutely no idea who he was. I decided not to try and enlighten her. Her idea of good television is Geordie Shore which explains a lot really. To Julie, Matt is too nerdy, too pale and too skinny to be attractive. Her main motivation for working here was the fantasy that one day one of our customers would be attractive AND notice her long enough to sweep her off to his country estate. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I slid a shirt onto a hanger.

“Whatever,” Julie replied although her face said she definitely wasn’t convinced of my nonchalance. “You should probably head on in to the change area and make sure your customer isn’t needing any help.” Julie nodded towards the changing area. 

I looked at the doorway that Matt had disappeared through a few minutes earlier. Butterflies fluttered through my stomach. I hadn’t felt this nervous about speaking to a guy since I was in high school. I considered backing out but one glance at Julie’s raised eyebrow banished the thought right out of my head. I stood up and marched towards the change rooms with determination. Once inside the door I lost my resolve. Standing there looking at the row of closed curtains I coughed nervously trying to bring myself to ask all the closed curtains if they needed some help. 

Before I had a chance, though, a head crowned with fantastic hair popped out at me.

“Oh good,” he grinned at me in a way that made me feel like I was in a Doctor Who episode, “I need you to come and give me your opinion.”

He stepped out of his cubicle wearing my choice. I watched carefully as he did a twirl for me as I considered carefully. He did look good, but he was right. It was a bit stereotypical. 

“And now,” he walked back towards me, still in character as The Doctor, “let’s see what my choice is like.” 

He disappeared behind the curtain. I stood awkwardly waiting, not sure what was going to happen next. The whole situation had taken a surreal twist and I was no longer sure of what the rules of normal were. After a few moments Matt’s head popped out from behind the curtain in the characteristic pose of someone who found themselves naked in a change room and in need of help. He spied me, still standing rooted to the spot where he had left me. 

“Err, could I possibly bother you for some help?” His characteristic puppy dog eyes had completely addled my brain, I could no longer distinguish between complete Doctor Who fantasy and reality. If had asked me for a Jammy Dodger I would not have been surprised. 

“Of course,” I replied with a bright professional smile as I stepped forward towards him. “What is it that you need?” 

“I just need you to check the sizing on these,” he replied disappearing behind the curtain. 

I was a little unsure of what he was expecting and I stood hesitantly outside the cubicle waiting for a further request. When none was forthcoming I opened the curtain a little. 

“Come in, come in,” his voice reassured me before I opened the curtain far enough to see him. 

I stepped inside to be greeted with the sight of one of the most attractive naked butts I had ever seen. “The time of the Doctor” had not been released at that time and so I was seeing Matt’s naked butt for the first time. Before I could even process what I was looking at he turned to face me. The whole world seemed to flip upside down for a moment as I registered what I was looking at. I can’t exactly remember but I think my jaw was hanging open at this point. I really don’t know it was all I could do to register that I was now looking at Matt Smith’s naked cock. Not only that I was looking at Matt Smith’s naked SEMI ERECT cock. 

Heat flushed up my cheeks as I tried to look any where but at the thing I most wanted to study. To my immense relief he held up the jeans that he had selected earlier,

“I think I was a little too ambitious about the size of my waistline,” he grinned at me, completely oblivious to my hanging jaw which I am positive was starting to drool. 

“It seems that my producer is right and I could gain a pound or two.” 

Glad of an excuse to get out of there I took the jeans from him and left the cubicle as fast as I could. Back in the store Julie was occupied with a short, fat blonde man who was insisting that candy pink highlighted his complexion. She didn’t even notice me. 

Back in the change room I handed the jeans past the curtain not daring enough to venture in. 

“Thanks,” the cheery voice came back at me as he took the jeans from my hand. 

I waited a few moments trying to stop my ears from straining to hear the sound of denim sliding up legs and trying to remove the image of the perfect smooth skin of his ass being covered by fabric. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I remembered his cock. It really was as glorious as the rest of him. I wondered if he flashed it every time he bought pants. Did he flash it around when he was on set. Had every single person in the wardrobe section of Dr Who seen Matt Smith naked? Was he a closet nudist? I could never really understand nudists. Britain has entirely the wrong climate for nudity. 
“What do you think?” My customer’s voice interrupted my reverie. He stood in front of the mirror doing that twist people always do, trying to see what their ass looks like in the mirror. I stepped forwards,

“You were right,” I allowed myself to put my hands on his ass, “they look great,” they really did, he had lost some of that bean pole look which was great but somehow appearing as a more ‘normal’ sized person made him look even better. 

I slid my hands downwards, smoothing the denim over his butt, “this cut looks great on you.”

“You don’t think it makes my butt look big?” Our eyes met in the mirror. I was lost, completely entranced by the puppy eyes and the tiny upwards twist of his mouth smiling at his own joke. 

“No I reassured him,” still holding eye contact in the mirror. “They look amazing, you look amazing.” I couldn’t believe I had let the last statement slip out. I waited terrified that I had broken the connection. He turned to face me. His eyes travelled down my body making warm waves travel through me. Between my legs my cunt throbbed a little. 

“So do you,” he commented, tentatively he placed his hand on my shoulder for a moment before letting it fall away brushing the outside of my breast. I could feel my nipples, straining to break free of my bra as his eyes grazed over my cleavage. For an insane moment I wished he would pull my into a cubicle and fuck the life out of me but fate intervened, Julie and her rotund customer came bustling into the changing room.

We collected ourselves, “I will definitely take these,” he made his way back into the cubicle. Avoiding Julie’s eye I hurried back to the counter. 

For some reason the store was suddenly the place to be. A group of lads looking for the perfect shirt for a date one of them was going on and a couple looking for a wedding suit came in. I pointed both groups in the direction of appropriate clothing before Matt came out to pay. After he signed the credit card receipt he very deliberately turned the paper over and wrote his phone number on the back. “Call me,” he said looking straight into my eyes, “Don’t be shy,” 

As he left the store my attention was grabbed immediately by customers. I placed the receipt on the spike and went to work, the moment gone. 

I completely forgot about the receipt until later that night. Julie had finished reconciling the till and I was vacuuming the carpet. It wasn’t until our manager had taken the paperwork and we had locked up that I remembered. It was too late. My nerd girl fantasy was gone, locked in the briefcase of a misogynistic pig. 


TMI Tuesday 27 July

This week’s questions were put together by recusen. A reasonably typical Tuesday for me. If you want to read about other perople’s days head on over to the TMI site 

1. What did you have for breakfast?

Cornflakes, muslie, low fat youghurt and fresh paw paw (papaya). I really need to eat a good breakfast otherwise things don’t go well for the people around me. Having to deal with a classes of 12 to 14 year olds really requires good mental function and stamina. Not something you can achieve on an empty stomach. 

2. What clothes did you put on?

Black trousers, long sleeved top and black boots. These knickers;

I just realised there is a hole in them!!!!

Much to the dissapointment of my students I chose not to wear my bright red fake Dr Martens.

3. What did you have for lunch?

Leftover chicken drumsticks and a ham, cheese and tomato sandwhich. I am trying to eliminate bread from my diet but it is proving a lot harder than I thought it would be. 

4. What about dinner? What did you have? Who cooked it? Who did the dishes?

I had roast beef and gravy with boiled veg, corn on the cob, beans and home grown broccoli. I had a cook a thon  on the weekend and cooked the roast then. Mr Jones put together the veg. I had an information evening at my son’s school and was late home. Normally I cook and he cleans. Last night he cooked and cleaned. He really is very helpful a lot of the time. 

5. Did you, or are you going to, travel today? Where to? Car, bus, train or plane?

My travel consisted of the usual running around. Dropping kids at the bus, taking myself to work, picking said kids up and taking them to their after school function. I was living vicariously through Pet who was undertaking a three day road trip from the Sunshine Coast to Weipa which is a total distance of 2,400 km.

6. Did you mail anything? Did you get anything interesting in the mail?

Mail? Who uses mail these days? The only actual mail I get is junk mail. Although I was preparing a pair of knickers to mail to someone. I haven’t actually put them in the envelope yet, does that count? 

7. Did you send or get any interesting email?

I don’t check my personal email that often. Work wise an email was sent around regarding some proposed changes to scheduling for next year which has caused a huge amount of discussion. 

8. Did you text or skype or use messenger, or other internet communications?

A couple of texts from Pet regarding his progress and a couple of Twitter messages regarding sale of knickers pretty standard stuff really. 

9. Did you use the internet for sex, e.g. watch porn?

I actually don’t get a lot of down time in my day usually. With three other adults and two teenagers living in a four bedroom house the opportunity for that kind of privacy is extremely limited. I sometimes get more privacy at my desk in an open plan office than I do at home!!!!

Bonus: Did you get laid today?

See the answer to number 9. Combine that with the exhaustion that comes from being a super mother and a teacher of teenagers and sex is a luxury that is usually reserved for the weekend. 

Sunday Selfie

Those of you who follow me on Twitter will be familiar with the sporadic up skirt and panty pics that I post. All of those photos are selfies. In fact I have become quite proficient at taking pictures of my own ass. I think the twisting motion of holding the phone behind you actually helps get a good angle. 

Whatever the case I thought it would be fun to share some images that I haven’t posted on Twitter here. I work in a world where teenagers whip out their phones to take a series of selfies at the slightest provocation so it amuses me in my own twisted way to use the term ‘selfie’ to refer to images that do not include a duck mouth a meal or some other inane life event. 

The image I am sharing today was one I took at work. When I first started this job I was determined that Gemma would be very firmly left at the school gate every morning to be picked up on the way home in the afternoon. Like som many things in life it is not that simple and grey areas were introduced. This image is symbolic of that. So I hope that some of you enjoy a Sunday afternoon peek up a teacher’s skirt. 


TMI Tuesday – Just TMI


Not exactly posting on Tuesday but still good for a read. 

As always head on over to the TMI site to read more TMI goodness. 

1. When was the last time someone you were talking to crossed the boundary into TMI? How did you handle it?I was recently at a market stall looking at some clothing when the stall owner admired a pair of imitation Dr Martens I was wearing. When I told her that they were fakes her reply was to lean in and conspirationally say “just like my orgasms”. At 8am on Saturday morning that was a bit too much. I responded by telling her that if she had to fake then she needed to get a new partner to which she responded “I just got engaged, bit of a pain really”. 

Some people just don’t know how to quit while they are ahead. 

2. When was the last time you were talking and realized you had crossed into TMI? How did the other person react? What did you do next?

I am a champion at talking myself into trouble. Over time I have learned to filter the material my brain feeds to my mouth but sometimes during periods of sustained stress I have been known to have severe mouth – brain filter malfunction. A specatcular example of this was last year when I was having a conversation with a manager, at a school I was working at. I had recently completed my contract and was working in a relief capacity. I had been told in no uncertain terms that the chances of me getting a contract at the start of the next school year were quite slim. This manager thought she was being positive when she stated,

“It is a shame your contract didn’t get extended but at least you are getting some relief work,” 

To which I replied,

“To be honest I would rather have a proper job,” 

I didn’t hang around long enough to see what her reaction would be when she digested what I had just said but suffice to say things were quite awkward and I was VERY glad I wasn’t in the position of having to beg for relief work the following school year. 

3. Which subject matter is mostly TMI to you, i.e. you don’t want to hear?

  1. Sex
  2. Medical treatment or history
  3. Bodily functions
  4. Icky food
  5. Finances
  6. Political opinions
  7. Other – Tell us

Bodily functions have the biggest ick factor for me. For some reason hearing about someone’s bowel habits is really just TMI!!!!!!!

4. Do you ever entice people into TMI, such as try to get them to share something that should be private?

I have to say no to this one. As a teacher I often find myself in a position the involves students divulging stories about their lives that really should not be shared in the public domain. I know a lot of teachers who have a story of a student sharing an experience with the whole class that would absolutely mortifying that particular students parents. It is really worth remembering that you cannot un-hear something once it has been said. 

5. Do you enjoy swapping TMI tales–“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”

One of the questions I sometimes ask at clubs and parties as a conversation starter is “What is your deepest, darkest fantasy?” In those settings I truly believe that there isn’t much that would shock me or make me wish I hadn’t asked. I also love to hear what makes other people truly aroused. Information like this is what has made the sexual connection I have with Pet so intense. Sometimes though the people I am speaking with are still stuck in vanilla mode and I find their responses leave me a little cold. On the flip side of that my responses can leave the Vanilla people a little freaked out. 

Bonus: How do you feel about Pope Francis embracing “climate change” climate science?
It totally floored me that I was reading this question in this forum less than two hours after I had been attending a workshop based on “Laudato Si”. In response to the question I think it is important to keep in mind that this encyclical which outlines the basis of Pope Francis’ environmental thinking includes a very strong message linking care for underprivileged with care for our world. I believe that his message is not just about reducing fossil fuel consumption but is more basic than that. I believe he is bringing into the modern world the message of St Francis of Assisi, whose name he has adopted, of living a simple life and caring for those in our world who don’t have the capacity to care for themselves entirely. This includes “Our sister Mother Earth“, animals and the underprivileged of our world.