TMI Tuesday – A Few Random Questions

  
This week is a collection of randomness with no real theme. As always head on over to the TMI Page to check out the other entries.

1. When you first skied down the slopes of love with your significant other were you a:

• a. bunny hill beginner
• b. a seasoned ski bum
• c. black diamond risk-taker pulling out all the tricks and inversions

I would like to say that I was a black diamond risk-taker but I don’t think I ever was a black diamond anything. But I was definitely seasoned enough to know the difference between a fling and the real deal. As far as tricks I was determined not to play any mind games. It has worked well for 17 years 

2. If you had a sexual encounter in a taxi cab and the meter was running, costing you $1 per minute. How much would that cab ride cost you?

How long is a piece of string? There are some sexual partners I can think of who would cost me $5 and others who would end up costing me about $60 or possibly even more.

3. Who has the better sense of humor, you or your significant other?
That probably depends on who you ask. Mr Jones thinks he is hilarious but if you don’t know him well it can be difficult to tell when he is joking and when he is serious. I have been known to have flashes of comedic genius but my most enthusiastic audience at the ese moments were five year olds so I guess you need to wonder if it really was comedic genius.

4. What is the weirdest part of your nightly bedtime routine?

I don’t really know. I don’t consider anything I do before I go to bed weird. The only possibility is texting good night to Pet and sometimes to another male friend who I have known for several years but never met in person. Actually the texting good night is not the weirdest part of that relationship. The weirdest part of that relationship is that it exists in the first place. Someone I met on a facebook flirting app has had a sustained Internet and texting relationship over about four years and neither of us is ever intending to meet in person. That is just a little weird. 

5. Fill in the blank: I can’t stand to be called ______ .

In the interests of protecting my identity I can’t really say it but during my tormented high school boarding experience I had a nick name that I hated then and have not come to terms with yet. It was a play on my name and not really unflattering but it reminds me of a time I would rather forget. Recently a colleague unknowingly used the same name for me and was mortified when I informed her of my experiences. She is nothing like the girls who made my life miserable all those years ago but it didn’t stop some of the emotions that came back when I heArd those words. 

6. What household item do you use and never put back where it belongs?

Mr Jones complains that I never put the milk back in the fridge after I have used it but I think he is imagining that. Otherwise I am the ‘put shit back where you found it’ Nazi. Because as the Mother of the household I spend a large chunk of my life locating lost items for people. 

In a post script that come to mind as I was editing this post I remembered that I am appealing at putting my sex toys away. They often get slipped under my pillow after use and stay there for several days before I clean them and put them back. 

Bonus: The first bed you ever had sex in, was it twin, double, queen, king -sized or some other size?

I lost my virginity in a double bed that belonged to the guy I was with. That story in itself is a sad tale of approval seeking  which I may tell at another time. I will say that the majority of my earlier sexual experiences involved many scenarios that weren’t beds. Mainly because as a teenager you don’t exactly live in your own home furnished with adult sized furniture. Nor do you have a lot of privacy in the homes that you DO inhabit. 

Waking Up

  

This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt was “crumpled” I immediately thought of crumpled sheets in the morning. 

Morning light filters through the windows pushing away the dimness. Lorikeets begin their raucous chatter in the bottle brushes outside my window. Inside the budgies, awakened by their wild cousins outside begin to fill the house with their own piercing calls. Slowly I become more conscious as sleep slides away from me. The bed feels empty, I am alone. On the bedside table the phone buzzes telling me that it has an important message for me. 
The image on the screen makes me smile at first but then it makes me wriggle with … Something, not excitement but something. I reach down to the box beside the bed and with clumsy morning fingers I remove the glass from its protective foam and slip it down under the sheets. It is cold against the skin of my thighs and I gingerly slide it down towards my crotch waiting for it to warm a little before I start to rub its smoothness against my itching cunt.  

 A little smile plays across my face as I pull back the covers and fumble with my phone. The air is cold and it feels awkward juggling the phone and my toy while I position my body but I manage to take a pic that captures what I am doing. Awkwardly I type “Good morning” with my left hand before I press send. Then I slide back into the warmth of my bed and focus on the smoothness of the glass as it slides around my silky wet folds. The tingles increase to warm waves and I slip the head of the dildo inside me. I realise that the itching that I have been feeling the day before was not the start of a yeast invasion but rather an itch for something else. It was my body’s cry for attention.

I start it to slide the head deeper inside me feeling every ridge on the outside of my dildo. The weight of the glass fills me and increases the sensations coursing through me. On my chest the phone vibrates, alerting me to your reply. A glance at the message tells me I have your full attention. I think of you thousands of kilometres away in your small room in the midst of all those  huts dotting the red earth that red eaearth with your hand wrapped around your cock as you look at my photo. 

Taking a video is even more awkward than taking a photo. The light in my room is still dim, my skin contracts in response to the chill of the air as I flick back the covers yet again to allow me to position my phone. It takes a couple of attempts trying to merge technology with the age old urge to ram the implement into my cunt and give in to the pleasure. The thought of you sharing this pleasure with me despite the distance is what keeps me from giving in the primal urge.
After a couple of attempts I mange thirty seconds of film. This time I don’t bother with typing, I let the images tell the story and I press send. Putting the phone back I settle back into the warmth of my bed sliding the dildo into my hungry cunt and letting my fingers play over my swelling clit. I can feel the edge of the orgasm creeping closer. This is not going to be a long play session of exploring and riding little crests and troughs of pleasure. I am on a mission Outside my bedroom door I hear the sounds of other members of my family beginning their day but I am determined not to let this opportunity pass by. 
The phone buzzes and your message reminds me or your tongue on my asshole. All the muscles of my cunt squeeze around the glass rod inserted into me as I remember the feeling of your tongue exploring that most forbidden of places teasing past the inhibitions and giving more pleasure than I ever thought possible. My fingers play quickly over my clit and with my other hand I move the dildo in and out of me. The orgasm is closer now. I can feel it pressing into my groin. At another time, in a different set of circumstances I would have played with it, letting it slide away before bringing it back stronger and faster but this time I don’t have that luxury. I welcome it with open arms, an old friend that has been away for too long. 
Afterwards I lie in bed enjoying the afterglow and I read your message, “Do you taste good?” In response I film myself licking the round glass head like a girl with a lolly pop. I smile enticingly into the camera before I send the last clip off over the airwaves to you. I know that for you this whole thing was just a teaser for you but for me it was a satisfying, if brief, start to my day. With a slight twinge of regret I leave my crumpled bed in search of some clothing and some breakfast. 

TMI Tuesday – Some Sexy Stuff

A bit of a mixed bag this week but mostly sexy none the less. As always make sure you visit the TMI site for more revelations. 

1. Tell us something you have dreamed of doing for a long time, why have you not done it?

I have wanted to travel to Canada for many years. At first the thing that was stopping me was fear and indecisiveness. Then I got married and had children. At this point in time the things that are stopping me are time, money and children. It costs a lot to take four people to the other side of the globe so I guess Mr Jones and I are just marking time until the children are old enough to fend for themselves, at least for a few weeks.

2. Would you take advice from a porn star? If yes, what type of advice would you like to hear.

I think the only thing I would like advice on from a porn star is deep throating. I have a facination with giving head and I have been very slowly working my way towards being able to deep throat properly especially those gentlemen like Mr Jones who have a significant girth. 

  

3. What is the sexiest thing about your boss?

I considered this question for quite a while and I have to honestly say that I don’t find any part of her sexy. There is a co-worker however who I do find very sexy. He is a very fit individual and I do find myself admiring his body when the opportunity arises. 

4. Name something you need for a foursome (and I’m not talking about golf).

Three men. I can’t believe you even had to ask that question! 

5. What is the brand of condoms currently in your possession (in your home or on your person)?

I find that latex seems to irritate me if I use it for an extended length of time so I carry “Skyns” which are made by Ansell. Due to sizing issues Mr Jones prefers “Naked”  which are made by Four Seasons. 

   

  

Bonus: Tell us a sex act/behavior that you simply will not do. Why?

Anything to do with scat. I think my reasons would be fairly self explanatory but in case you are wondering I spend a large part of my career educating people about hygiene and cleanliness. In my very firm opinion faeces is not for playing with AT ALL.