All Work

A couple of years ago I was essentially a stay at home Mum. My time was my own and there was no real demands on my time. Nor were there any real consequences to be feared from people finding out about my alternative marriage arrangements. The only aspect of my life that conflicted with my marriage choice was a parent at my children’s Catholic primary school discovering my secret and using it against them in some way. Even that issue was not particularly concerning to me. At that time in my life I believed that the path to more people accepting non-monogamy was more non-monogamous people being more open about their lifestyle.

Four years ago I started a teaching degree which I completed and in due course I commenced working as a teacher. It turned out that being Gemma took up an awful lot of time. Time that I suddenly found I didn’t have. Consequently my Erotic Adventures became fewer and further between. I found myself regressing into the person I was before Gemma came along. My sex life found itself squeezed into the tiny cracks in time that came along very infrequently. Getting into the headspace where I could truly let myself go and live in the sexual moment has become incredibly difficult.

Along with the lack of opportunity my desire to even consider being Gemma has become very sporadic. It’s a kind of chicken and egg thing really. Does the lack of opportunity create less Gemma or does the smaller amount of Gemma headspace mean I don’t create opportunity? Either way the effect is the same, a lot of work and not much playing.

I have been down this road before. At a time when I have two small children and was hell bent on being a throughly modern woman who had a career and still manage be a perfect mother. I refused to ask for help then and my marriage went almost to breaking point. I am afraid of the same thing happening again even though I know the warning signs.

Even though I have journeyed through something like this and made it out the other side I still worry that I won’t be able to avoid falling into the same trap. And if I do fall into that trap I won’t be able to get out a second time. Or even better avoid the trap altogether,

It is a challenge. A lot of days I think keeping Gemma alive is not worth the effort. I think I would have a quieter life if I just let her die her death. Writing this post I have realised that her existence is important. I have to find a way to keep her alive both in my mind and in reality. I have to find a way to open up more time and headspace for her. The consequences of not finding that space are not worth considering.

All work and no play make Mrs Jones not worth keeping up with.

TMI Tuesday Lets Do This!

  
1. How many people do you really trust?

Fully, absolutely trust with my life? None. Mr Jones is the person I have the most trust in but I guess I have been let down by way too many people way too many times. While I was writing this it occurred to me that I probably need a dog in my life but I love my cat way too much. And while he is the most loving, affectionate and needy cat I have ever met he is still a cat and everyone knows cats are fickle creatures. 

2. What are you excited for?

This is probably a bit sad but I am currently excited that this is hump week. Meaning the middle week of the term. When this week is over the next two weeks of school holidays are closer than the last lot. Which is always a great way for things to be. 

 3. Have you had sex today? 

Considering it is 6.30 in the morning it isn’t surprising that the answer is no. I did have a dates with Pet  planned for tonight but real life got in the way so at the moment there are no concrete plans for sex in the immediate future. 

4. When was the last time you talked to someone until you fell asleep? What relation are they to you?

This is something that Mr Jones and I regularly do. Mostly because he is a night owl and I am an early bird. So we often end up in bed at night chatting because he is still wide awake. I usually end up falling asleep mid conversation because I am so exhausted from the day. 

5. What is your opinion on sex before marriage?

Is this seriously an issue still? I think we need to wake up to the fact that saving yourself for marraige is such an outdated practise. It is as outdated as the idea that virginity is something of value. In my experience parents who push the idea to their kids that saving yourself is the right thing to do are doing more harm than good. This is because these parents are reluctant to help their children to learn the skills and information they need to make responsible sexual decisions and have a healthy confidence in their sexuality. Kids who are encouraged to save themselves or worse, given an abstinence based sex education ar set up to spend a large part of their sexual life missing out on truly expressing themselves because of all the hang ups their parents planted in their young impressionable minds. 

I could rant some more but I suspect that I have made my point and any more would bore you. 

Bonus: Does your present lover know any of your past lovers? How well?

All of my present lovers know about each other. Mr Jones is aware of most of my significant previous relationships and of course all of the ones I have had since we have been together. Does he know about every man I fucked when I was in my early twenties? Truthfully, that was such a long time ago that I don’t think I can even list them all. We have been married for seventeen years. Some guy I had a roll in the hay with when I was 20 is really not significant now. 

PS I have just had a pre-posting read through this and realised I was a tiny bit grumpy when I wrote this. I think I need more meditation in my life. 

If you would like more TMI goodness make sure you check out the other responses at the TMI Tuesday page.