When I Say No….

As a teacher and as a parent I have learned a few things about saying no. The first one is that when you say no you have to mean it. Saying “no” and then changing your mind when everyone protests just sends the message that no doesn’t mean no it means “try a little harder to convince me”.

The second thing I have learned about saying no is that you have to be prepared to back it up with a reason. Having a sound reason usually reduces the amount a student/ child will try to convince you that you really meant yes. Finally, in my experience, the people who try the hardest to change your mind are the ones who have learned from experience with other people that you can change someone’s mind. These students/ children are usually proficient at techniques that trigger an emotional response such as pouting, eye rolling, and making statements like “I was just trying to….”. These students are the hardest to deal with but getting them to see things your way is not impossible.

I posted recently about s conversation I had with a man I have enjoyed as a lover and his inability to u derstand and respect “no”. In my post I outlined my dealings with my ex lover and my very clear no. That, I thought, was that. How wrong I was. I received a couple of messages during the week about “accidental” messages automatically sent from social media apps like Snapchat and then whammo we are talking again. Well he is talking and asking me to video chat with him (he has been working in an extremely remote location over the Christmas Break). Of course I replied no. As I put my phone down I said to it “I am not going to fuck you.”

Of course he didn’t hear that, not that it would make any difference. The problem is even as I was saying the words a small part of me was protesting. He is attractive. He does have sex appeal and there were aspects of fucking him that I enjoyed. A tiny part of me almost believes that idea that it will be different if I give him another chance. Of course the rational part of me has to step in and firmly remind the positive, fantasy me of the frustration and dissapointment that is the most likely outcome if I give in.

Sometimes being the most responsible adult in the room is hard.

TMI Tuesday -Boxing Day Edition

Boxing Day is a public holiday that seems to be unique to Britain, Australia and possibly other parts of the British Commonwealth. The origins of the holiday are a little unclear but The Spruce gives some feasible explanations. In modern times it seems that Australians, and possibly Brits are really just celebrating their love of a public holiday. In Australia Boxing Day is marked by two great sporting traditions; The commencement of the Boxing Day test cricket match held at the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) and the commencement of the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race in Sydney Harbour. Both contests are marathon tests of skill and stamina with the Sydney to Hobart being responsible for the loss of more than one life even in recent times. For us mere mortals it is a time to recover from over indulging on Christmas Day or perhaps just a way to extend to celebrations for a little longer. Most people would agree that Boxing Day is much more relaxed and if we do attend a gathering it will most likely be with people we actually like instead of fulfilling family requirements and satisfying obligations. 

Of course there is always time to enjoy some TMI goodness. 

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?

Yes. In the whole go to church, get together with the family and eat too much way. I am a practising Catholic so in some ways I take Christmas a little bit seriously. I know December 25 is not the day of Christ’s birth and I know that many of the Christmas traditions we observe are derived from Paganism but the essence of the day, the birth of a child that will change the world deserves some attention. If you are not a Christian then the idea of putting aside differences and taking time to be with people, somehow, also deserves some attention.

2. Tell us about your Christmas celebration.

In our family there is no specified format for Christmas. This year we, Mr Jones, Myself and our children have traveled to spend a few days with my parents at the Cattle Property in Central Queensland. We started the day with ham and pre birds for breakfast followed by unwrapping of presents. Followed by cold lunch on the verandah with my brother and his wife. The maximum temperature for the day was 37 degrees so the only thing I could have added was a swimming pool.

3. What season is it where you live?

It is most definitely summer with a vengeance. As I said in the previous response the maximum temperature yesterday was 37 degrees. In the morning I spoke with my brother who lives in southern New South Wales and they were experiencing a very chilly morning that required a jumper. My sister in law was adamant that this is not how Christmas should feel. I was reminded of this song.

4. It’s the end of the year, what are you still trying to accomplish before the end of the year?

Not really much. The main thing that is playing on my mind is continuing to reduce my weight and improve my fitness but that is more of a long term lifestyle thing.

5. Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve?

Mr Jones and I will be taking our yacht up the Brisbane River to weigh anchor and watch the fireworks off the Story Bridge. Some vanilla friends and our children will be joking us it should be a great relaxing night. 

 There was no bonus this week but in the spirit of  one of my favourite TMIers Nero Speaks I have added my own 

Bonus:What is on your ‘Fucket List’ for the coming year.

I have updated my Fucket List Page with a couple of items that are on the immediate horizon. I am hoping that The Englishman’s availability improves a little in the new year because he is cute and I have plans for him 😉

I hope you have enjoyed this rather rambling TMI make sure that you check out the other contributors at  TMI Tuesday 

TMI Tuesday – How Random

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

It was a long time ago, I think I was maybe 7 or 8. I grew up on a cattle property which was fairly isolated.My father had several younger men working for him on a casual basis. One of them was a bull rider when he wasn’t working as a stockman. I guess for a country kid living on a cattle station that was the same  as being a rock star. 

2. Which parent do you identify with the most?

My relationship with my parents is problematic. I think I have blocked a lot of my negative feelings and consequently the positive ones just to stay sane. I am constantly vigilant of developing the same mannerisms and attitudes as my mother. So I guess that answers the question. Despite my efforts my appearance is very similar to my mother and she has a very strong bearing on the way that I live my life. 

3. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?

I don’t think there is any regular food that I won’t eat AT ALL I have two foods that I strongly dislike one being eggplant and the other is coffee. But I will eat them under duress. 

4. Would you ever adopt a child?

I don’t think I would consciously go through the official adoption process, but I have taken in a teenager when she didn’t have a home. In similar circumstances I would absolutely do the same thing again. 

5. When was the last time you played a board game? What game?

This is not technically a board game but about a week ago we had some friends over for dinner and we played the card game ‘Get Rich Quick‘. For the OCD sufferers out there within the last six months I have played Monopoly the Dr Who regeneration version at which I annihilated Mr Jones. No mean feat. 

Bonus: What makes you laugh more – dry humor or weird, goofy humor?

Definitely the dry type. Sometime the darker the better. Weird goofy humour, especially British ‘toilet’ humour is ok sometimes but it often just makes me cringe. 

For more TMI goodness make sure you hop along to the TMI Tuesday page. 

Dear Random Guy From Twitter

Dear Random Guy From Twitter,

There was a time when I enjoyed you sending me videos and pictures of you masturbating in the morning. It gave me a boost to think that someone thought about me in a sexual way. For a while I entertained thoughts of maybe meeting you and fucking some day. 

But time went on and I realised a few things;

• I am not attracted to you. The more I look at your photos the more I see that I don’t like. And I makes me want to talk to you less. 
• We aren’t going to meet. Not because of me but because of you. If you were genuinely interested you would have taken advantage of the several opportunities you have had. 
• You aren’t really interested in me. I am just part of your spank bank. An interactive photo that you use to help you get off in the morning before you shower and go to work. 

So when I worry about being rude because I don’t reply to all your messages I need to remember to remind myself that you are just flicking though your stimulus and you probably don’t care. So happy hunting. I am busy. When I need a sexual boost and I am at that point again I will net you know. 

Sex Goddess Gemma. 

TMI Tuesday – Roll with It

1. With whom would you like to take a bath?

Honestly I have never come across a bath that comfortably holds two people. So I would prefer to have my bath by myself. Showers however are a different story. My ideal shower partner would be someone like Channing Tatum. 

Like who wouldn’t want someone like that to wash your body before fucking you against the wall of the shower. 

2. You are, on a motorcycle, riding hard down a country road, wind in your hair. Who is the hottie on the bike with you? Are you riding or driving?

Riding definitely. The driver (that doesn’t seem to be the right term) would be Arnold Schwarzenegger of course as a Terminator. Because who wouldn’t like a terminator as your escort. 

3. Baking naked–who is kneading your dough? 😉

I gotta say that naked baking seems hazardous. Anything hot near naked bits makes me nervous. But I would definitely choose the sexiest celebrity chef, Nigella Lawson. 

4. Come sail away, come sail away, come and sail away with me! Who is joining you for a sexy sea adventure?

I do enjoy the occasional sailing adventure with Mr Jones. Even though we have discussed it several times we have never been able to get third, or fourth, person to join us for some nude adult fun on the water. At the moment I am discussing the possibilities with a sexy guy I am seeing but given our track record of organising these events we will see what pans out.

5. “I got your back.” Hands down who do you fully support, stick by no matter what, Who are you willing to help at all costs?
Absolutely would have to be Mr Jones. If you can’t say that you will stick by your husband of 19 years then you have some serious issues. If you don’t stick together when you are raising teenagers then they will take over your life. 

Bonus: Belly button–inny or outty? Are you going to show us? 😀

My belly button is part of the area of my body that I like the least. If you want to see my belly button then who am I to argue with you? You are most welcome to visit my previous post, Sunday Selfie. 

Sunday Selfie

I took this photo to prove to a friend that I have not faded away to a shadow. Recently I have been “dieting” because I felt I needed to lose a certain amount of weight. I am very opposed to the idea of dieting and so my “diet” is really more of a much needed adjustment to eating habits. 

My friend is adamant that I don’t need to lose weight but my doctor thinks differently. I think my body will always tend towards the full and curvy type. Which I am becoming more comfortable with as I age. 

I said No!

I recently read a post by Ophelia outlining some experiences she had involving being raped by men one of whom she considered to be a very good friend. In both situations there was no violence, nor did the men consider that coercing a woman into having sex simply by not accepting no and sneaking their dick into her vagina was wrong.

I am fortunate that I have not had an experience where I felt as violated as Ophelia. But I think there is not a woman on the planet who has not agreed to sex with a man, based purely on her desire but simply because she got tired of the nagging and saying yes was easier than enforcing her initial no. It can be argued that many women are not very good at saying no and I am a very vocal supporter of the idea that mothers have just as much responsibility to teach their daughters to say “no” clearly and confidently as they do to teach their sons about respecting “no”. In the past I have been privately very critical of women who give out mixed messages and then complain about men who don’t get the hint. I try very hard to be honest and up front with my partners and many of them have commented on how easy it makes life to know where they stand. Recently however I had an experience that made me question my approach.

I met The Fireman initially through an online dating website. We chatted but nothing came to pass until I became part of a Facebook group he was hosting. He was a very sexy guy and I was definitely very keen. We met up a couple of times and the future looked full of fun times and fantasies being fulfilled. However he turned out to be, putting it kindly, a bit of a flake. Plans always seemed to be massaged, Mr Jones and I were left waiting in bars, and on one occasion fully stood up. As time went by he seemed to lose interest and I moved on. Then out of the blue, he was back again. The conversation went something like this;

F (Fireman): Hey guys

G (Gemma ): Hello

F: sends dick pic -do you miss him, he misses you

G: Oh a penis (I resisted the urge to add “how cute” )

F: I love your mind and your sexy body. Do you miss me? 

G: I did a while back. It has been a while (again I showed restraint and didn’t add that last time we met it had taken him so long to get his shit together and turn up that our play time had to be cut short to about an hour) 

F: sorry Hun (OMG! I am sooo not your Hun) I have been busy with my business

At this point I mentioned a couple of Facebook posts that seemed to indicate he had a girlfriend for a while, something he denied, but I didn’t believe him. I asked him what he was looking for and he said a regular threesome/ hotwife arrangement. He has a thing for that role play and although he has the body for it his cock is not anywhere up to specification. So I said “we have a regular play buddy at the moment” which is the truth

F: oh 😢 I guess I missed the boat. Is there room for another?

G: No we are happy with what we have right now, sorry. 

There was a bit more to the conversation because he wanted to be petulant and comb through reasons etc. I resisted the urge to vent about his flakiness and lack of respect for my time but I stood my ground quietly and honestly. In the end he said thank you for your Homestay and wished me well. I thought that was that .

I was wrong. In the couple of weeks that followed he contacted me every few days saying hello and making conversation. There was never an actual request for sex but he was blatant,y trying to get in my good books. I resisted the initial urge to be rude because I believe very firmly that being rude just creates unnecessary bad karma. I was also clinging to the misguided idea that I had made my position clear and he knew where he stood.

Of course I was wrong. After a few weeks when he felt that he had charmed me enough he again asked for sex. When I reminded him that I had told him he wasn’t interested he relied with ” but I thought you were”. Why? Because I replied when he messaged me? Because I told him that the posey, staged photos he was sending me were not the best way to impress people? Because I was polite? I was irritated enough to be quite blunt with him, I maintained my resolve to not be rude but I made sure my reply pointed out some of his flakiness in detail and very clearly in kindergarten language said “we are not interested”.

Of course this is not as dramatic as the events Ophelia described but is quite typical of the way a lot of men, particularly those who consider themselves attractive, operate. It is like they have some kind of filter in their ear that translates all of the negative responses they hear into a signal which says “I am really interested, you just have to chase a bit more”. I am sorry but no! When I say no, it means no. I am the mother of a teenage boy and I am also an educator of teenagers. I have made it part of my life mission to educate the young people in my charge about consent. The best description is this video that compares sex to tea.

It is easy for people to understand when someone doesn’t want tea you can’t force them to drink it. The thing the video can’t make clear is that trying to change a persons mind after they have said no is a version of forcing them to drink the tea. Like all the other versions of forcing them to drink the tea it is not OK. As humans we have a responsibility to accept no for an answer. We also have a responsibility to protect the integrity of the no response by using it in a very clear, straightforward way. By this I mean not being that person who says no when they mean yes or the one who encourages the chase by saying no initially.  It is not a simple thing to solve but coercing people less powerful than us, usually women, into sex has to stop! 

When I say no it means no. 

Whispers

It has been a very long while since I participated in Wicked Wednesday. In fact it has been a long while since I wrote any fiction. I am glad that I decided to challenge myself for the six weeks of  the Christmas Holidays. I hope you also enjoy my first piece of fiction in a long time.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us mum?” Alex’s piercing blue eyes shone with excitement as he looked up at his mother. Clare’s heart welled up as she reached down and stroked her son’s hair. 

“No,” she replied gently, “Mummy has a few things she needs to do this afternoon. I am sure that you will have a great time watching The Avengers with Aunty Sue.” She glanced over at her younger sister who replied with a wry smile. Sue was the tomboy of the family and nothing pleased her more than introducing her nephew to the joys of superhero movies and their gratuitous violence. 

“C’mon mate,” she reached for Alex’s hand, “we need to give ourselves enough time to get popcorn and frozen cokes.”

And with that they were gone. For a moment Clare stood stock still in the middle of her kitchen listening to the sound of the car reversing down the driveway before an unusual hush fell over the house. The walls that reverberated all day with Alex’s constant chatter and noisy play fell silent, the toys that were strewn over the lounge room floor seemed to collapse into an exhausted stupor. Clare assessed the state of the kitchen, breakfast and lunch dishes were stacked on the sink waiting for the dishwashing fairy to come and deal with them. Instinctively Clare moved towards the sink but a whisper of something at the back of her mind drew her attention to the swimming pool outside. Warm sun glinted on the water and for some reason she noticed the sun lounger sitting empty beside the pool. In her mind the whisper became louder, urging her to ignore her chores. 

A feeling of lethargy came over her and Clare began to feel like the toys in the lounge room; spent and empty of energy from being constantly in the presence of an excitable four year old. The sun lounger beckoned and Clare found herself moving towards the back door. Without consciously deciding she opened the sliding door and stepped out into the entertaining area. She paused for a moment beside the table to deposit her house dress and white t-shirt bra. Without thinking she hooked her thumbs into the waist of her knickers but caught herself in time. Nervously she glanced at the gap in the hedge that gave her a clear view of her neighbour’s deck, of course no one was home. What sane person would be home in the middle of the day? The whispering voice in her urged her to be naked in the sun. Without another moment’s contemplation she complied. 

The sun was delicious warming her skin, reminding her of days spent lying on beaches without having to worry about a child. Her nipples hardened as a sneaky breeze caressed her skin, unconsciously she opened her thighs slightly and let tbreeze caress her inner thighs. Her mind drifted away to unfamiliar eroticism. Her neighbour appeared at her side kneeling on the pavers beside her whispering in her ear. She couldn’t really hear what he was saying but the feel of his hot breath on her neck made her lift her hips towards him. His whispers became clearer,

“Such beautiful breasts,” his hand stroked the skin on the side of her breast before he trailed his fingers towards her firm, erect nipple. He took the dark pink peak between his finger and thumb and squeezed it gently. A jolt of sensation shot from her breast through her belly and a small gasp escaped her lips. 

“Such beautiful sensitive nipples,” he pitched her again, harder this time, before pulling her peak upwards, the sensation was intense and Clare found herself squirming on the warm plastic of the sun bed. Between her thighs she felt a a slow throb. As if he read her thoughts her neighbour trailed his fingers downwards over the small mound of her belly to stroke her thighs upwards. Her hips arched upwards, urging him closer to her throbbing cunt. With a small smile he teased her, stroking the mound of hair above her slit and tracing the line of her labia, wetness trickled out of her and a single word escaped her lips,

“Please,” she wanted to grasp his hand and shove it inside her but he held her wrist firmly.

“You have such nice manners,” his voice was hot on her neck before he bent down and touched her nipple with his toungue. As he lowered his lips down over her aureola his finger slid inside her opening teasing the sensitive spot just inside before sliding upwards over her swollen throbbing folds to gently touch her hard clit. He circled his finger around her clit before dipping it back into her well, juices flowed out of her covering his hand. 

“Someone is very horny,” his voice was almost a purr in her ear before he stood up beside her. He really was a magnificent man, his bare chest glistened in the sun as he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his green board shorts and slid them down over his narrow hips. Jutting out in front of his his cock was tipped with a small bead of moisture.

“See what you do to me,” he grinned down at her.

Clare was unable to think of anything to say she reached up and touched the tip of his cock, smearing the slippery liquid over the sensitive head. It was his turn to moan in pleasure as her hand gripped the warm hardness of his shaft. Her hand moved up and down pulling him towards her. For a few moments he allowed his cock to touch her lips, long enough for her tongue to taste the saltiness of his pre-cum before he pulled away to kneel between her thighs. He rested his cock against her opening teasing her before he slid himself slowly inside her filling her hungry wet cunt. The slow filling sent intense sensations shooting through her before he touched her clit with his thumb. 

She could hear his rough breathing matching her own small moans of pleasure as he thrust into her in time with the circling of his thumb around her clit. Pressure was building in both of them she could hear his breathing become rougher as he thruster harder and faster. Her hips arched upwards towards him pressing her clit against the slap of his belly .his fingers gripped her hips breaching her against his strength. Suddenly he held her firmly against him as he groaned in pleasure, in her cunt she could feel the throbbing of his cock as it emptied cum into her hungry cunt. A slight touch from his thumb sent her over the edge with him, moaning and writhing through the intense orgasm. 

A screen door slammed. Clare’s eyes flew open. Groggily she looked around slowly coming to the realisation that it had been a dream. Her thighs were slick with moisture, testament to how vivid the fantasy had been. Feeling slightly guilty she glanced through the gap in the hedge. Standing on the deck holding beer and gazing out into his back yard stood her neighbour, clad only in a pair of green board shorts. 

TMI Tuesday – Sexy Specifics

1. What do you find sexiest in a woman?

I am a bit of a boob fan. If a woman is dressed in such a way that you catch a nice glimpse of her cleavage or a bit of side boob then I am definitely going to be interested. I a less cliched way I am also often taken in by a woman’s mouth. I love full lips and nice teeth. They don’t have to be perfect and I don’t really go for a gap but something about the way her mouth moves makes me want to kiss her. And kissing a woman is very very sexy. 

2. What do you find least sexy in a man?

An interesting question. When I first glanced through these questions I thought i was going to be waxing lyrical about tall well built, preferably bald, bulls but on closer inspection…. 

So unsexiness is definitely mostly linked to personality. A man who needs to “grow a set”, an Australian euphemism that you can read about here, is a massive turn off. The other thing that sends me packing is poor hygiene, body odour, greasy hair and reeking of cigarettes. 

3. Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?

I have to a certain extent been in this position a couple of times. Cruising around swingers websites looking for ‘single’ men is kind of asking for trouble. I do not judge anyone for the way they choose to run their relationship. However I choose not to be in a position where I can’t freely message or otherwise contact the person I am fucking. I also choose not to be in a position whereby play dates get cancelled at the last minute because the wife or girlfriend has changed her plans. So to answer the question I would not knowingly become involved as the ‘other woman’. 

4. Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?
This is a bit of a loaded question. In general people, male and female, always perceive their effort to be greater than someone else’s in a given situation. Additionally women tend to have different priorities from men in a relationship which means they perceive they are putting in more effort because they don’t notice what the male is doing. 

Having said all that I do feel I put in more effort in that it seems to be my responsibility to make dates happen and make plans for holidays etc. This has been an issue for us but we are working on it and making some progress. 

5. Do you have a “work wife” or “office husband”?

I don’t have one of these, mainly because I have not worked at my current job/profession long enough to have formed such a relationship. Or perhaps it is because I am just damned hard to get along with. I don’t know. 

Mr Jones however does. Funnily enough his work wife is a woman he employed to help him out with his business after we had dated her as a couple for a while. The sex has definitely gone out of the the relationship but the friendship still remains. What I love the most about Mr Jones’ work wife is that she doesn’t put up with any of his crap. Something he definitely needed. 

Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?

I believe my marriage is healthy for several reasons;

• It is long term. In 2018 Mr Jones and I will celebrate out 20th wedding anniversary
• It is successful; we are debt free, we have accumulated wealth as a partnership on our own merit.
• We disagree but we don’t fight; raised voices between Mr Jones and myself are extremely rare. When they happen it is a strong sign for both of us to sit up and pay close attention to the problem. Our children recognise this and correctly interpret a raised voice as a sign that things are not right. 
• We trust each other; both of us regularly have sex with other partners. There is always open and honest communication around this situation any distrust or jealousy always stems from suspicions about the motivation of the third party. 

Bonus, bonus: Is the “work spouse” strictly a U.S. American anomaly (they do spend an insane amount of hours at work)? One study found 32% of Americans admitted to having a work spouse.

I guess my answer to number 5 shows that the term ‘work wife’ is in common use in Australia as well as the US. I am not sure if that is a sign that ‘work wife’ is truly an international term or if Australians watch too much American television. 

As always for more TMI goodness make sure you hit up the TMI Tuesday website.

Belated Sunday Selfie

At a small social gathering on Saturday night a couple of women were discussing the changes that happened to their body when they turned 40. I was slightly amused to listen to their comments partly because they seemed to have the belief that the changes happened because they had passed their 40th birthday and partly because I was curious to investigate if these things applied to me. One of the changes that I was most concerned about was the idea that your breast fall completely to the side when you are lying down. My breasts have always been a source of vanity for me and I was pleased to notice that while there was some falling my nipples still point upwards rather than sideways. 

The photo above doesn’t really show this well but it does show a pleasing curve rather than flatness. Thank you very much pole dancing.