After a bit of absentee time I am back at least for the spring break. Answering these questions this week has been surprisingly therapeutic so thank you TMI Tuesday.
1. What makes you insecure?
Honestly, at the moment, almost everything. From fretting about social acceptance, to worrying about my performance as a teacher. I am really down on myself at the moment. Guilt is a dominant feature of my emotional landscape which is something I need to learn how to deal with. I am making progress some days. Other days not so much.
2. What do you expect from a romantic love relationship?
What I have in my marriage; complete honesty, acceptance and support for my life choices. My marriage is slightly unconventional in a lot of ways but it works for us and as I get older I care less about what is socially acceptable and more about what is functional for me.
3. What do you expect from a friendship?
Similarly to a romantic relationship. Honesty and acceptance. Something that many people seem incapable of. One thing that bugs me is the phrase “let’s catch up sometime” my cynical brain interprets this as “I feel like I should sound like I am interested in spending time with you but I really don’t want to commit because something better might come along”. I think sometimes I am a bit harsh on people and I know I could definitely be a better friend to many people in my life. I guess life is about the journey.
4. What do you expect from a Friends-with-Benefits situation?
High quality, inventive sex. As I tell prospective FWB’s; I am married, I can have lazy sex any time I want. I am not one of the people “stuck” in a sexless marriage. I am an adventurer looking for experiences. I don’t want fifteen minute sessions in the back of a car, or on someone’s couch. I definitely don’t want to leave feeling like, pardon the expression, a cum bucket.
5. What expectations do you have for yourself?
As I commented when reading A Gentleman in Barbarian’s Clothing I think my expectations of myself are a little high, leading to my issues outlined above. Writing this has been therapeutic to say the least and has sharpened my focus on what is important. So as of right now I expect myself to deliver high quality “content”, for want of a better word, in my life roles as a parent and as a teacher. This is something that I can deliver most of the time.
Bonus: Post one picture (art, photograph, drawing) that depicts how you feel today.
Thi is an image that was taken a few months ago when my exotic dance instructor was putting us through our paces on chairs. It was a painful yet rewarding experience that scared the fuck out of me. The bruising is representative of how I am feeling right now. A little bruised by perhaps over committing myself in the last few months.