This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt was “Out of Character”. I struggled to write something. Every idea seemed to sound dumb when I started writing. Then out of the blue this fell onto the screen. I hope you enjoy. Please make sure you visit the Wicked Wednesday site to read some other much more inciteful writing.
Life has a funny way of twisting things around on you. If I am asked about my ideal play mate I will respond as follows;
Taller than me, strong, mentally and physically, charming and a sense of humour. Above average penis size and one that takes the lead when playing.
I spend a lot of my life being the go to person. The one with all the answers. When I play I just want to be spoiled. I don’t consider it too much to ask. The universe disagrees with me.
Over the last six months I have been actively looking for a regular play friend. I don’t want a boyfriend or a romantic connection. I just want a fwb. It has been an interesting and often frustrating path. I use a swinger dating website. For simplicity I have chosen a single site. I don’t want to go into the ins and outs of my searching but I know I am not using the most efficient way so I can’t complain.
Getting back to the point of this ramble. What has fallen out of this search has been a man who is moderately charming, slightly taller than me with a decent sized penis and who is reasonably intelligent. Lots of boxes ticked.
At our initial meet we discussed who would be in charge. Or rather he expressed a desire to be controlled. I didn’t pick up the cue properly and gave my response about not wanting to be in a situation where I am making all the decisions. I liked this guy, he was kind of intense but I did sense that he was holding something back. Kind of waiting to see how things played out before he showed his hand. We ended that first drink meet in the back seat of a car in the carpark of the pub having short, sharp sex. It was fast and hot.
Our second meet was not ideal. My husband and I own a commercial building that is currently empty so we have set up a play space in one section. Not the perfect place but definitely cheaper than a hotel. We met there. He was on his way home from work on a Friday. In my mind it was going to be a long hot, heavy session. Again he stated he was at my disposal but I resisted and did not give specific instructions about what I wanted. For me the day had been long and emotionally arduous. I wanted someone to spoil me and give me an hour or two of sexual pleasure. I didn’t want to give detailed instructions. I also expected a guy who could either recover quickly or control himself to ensure he lasted.
I was very disappointed.
There was a time when I would have kicked him to the kerb. This kind of thing is not ok. For some reason the light slowly began to dawn in my thick brain. I realised that while he had been a little selfish I was also being a bit unfair. He said he was at my disposal, and like a stupid woman I didn’t make my desires clear. I should have asked for a massage and a good licking before sitting astride him. In the course of the follow up conversation he made a revelation. He is interested in being caged.
For play time only I think.
The reason for that initial feeling came forward. This guy has a kink or two. I am not particularly kinky. I have thought about CFNM stuff in my past. I have read about caging and it kind of turns me on. I don’t want to be the woman who makes a man wear a cage for weeks, or days on end. But when he is playing? Maybe.
If you had told me before I met Pet that I would be turned on by anally fisting a man I would have laughed in your face. But I did it and I was. Pet had to push me to be a weird kind of dominant to his very strong personality but we both got a lot out of it. Was it him “topping from the bottom” or me dominating him? I don’t know. I don’t care. I don’t really count myself as a true practitioner of BDSM. I just use their props and toys for my pleasure.
So it seems The IT guy, he has a blog name now, will become the next person in my journey who pushes me to express my wants and desires more clearly. While it may be hard and not what I thought I wanted it may well be something I need.