Recently through the swingers dating website I am using I met a man who reminded me a lot of Pet. I was very happy with this discovery and embarked on some on-line fun that was very pleasurable to us both.
I guess I was blinded a little by his attractiveness, interest in the same types of kinks and my own horniness and I didn’t look hard enough at his profile. It wasn’t until I was already fairly invested that it came out that he was married and doing all this without the consent of his partner…
I have blogged about this before. I don’t particularly care if a potential partner is married. I have been involved with married men before. I am a swinger, that is kind of what we do. But the difference between swinging and just fucking around is the honesty, the consent, the openness. Honesty between the people getting naked and also the honesty amongst the different relationships involved. If you aren’t telling your partner where you are going you aren’t being honest.
There are many, many people in this world who are not happy with the sex in their relationship. I have been one of them, at times. It is always a conundrum; Do I stay with this person who I love, and keep the ‘normal’ appearance for the sake of my children? It seems wrong to leave because I want different/ better/ more sex.
Newsflash! Firstly you are not saving the feelings of the one you love by staying with them and getting the trimmings on the side. You are delaying the inevitable. They will find out and they will be more hurt. They may or may not leave you because of the cheating. They may know and not let on, they may put their fingers in their ears and say “lalalalalala” but they will find out.
Secondly staying in a toxic or malfunctioning relationship because it will be better for your kids is an illusion. I teach teenagers, I see all kinds of fucked up in kids every day of my working life. Most of the fucked up I see is related to parents. How the hell do you expect your kids to become functioning adults if the example they are learning from, you, is in a marriage that doesn’t work properly?
In the past my reasoning for not being involved with cheating men has been a purely selfish one. I am not interested in sneaky short intervals in the back of a car while she is out for a few hours with her friends. I am not interested in getting requests like “hey she is out for a few hours, come over now” I have my own marriage and life to live. I need to make a plan and know it is going to come off.
I sympathise with men who can’t see how to achieve their fantasies and I am happy to hold their hand while they work it out. One of my oldest and dearest friends is a man who I met in these circumstances. He is still working it out but he is getting there. I am not going to be the other woman.
Just touching on the honesty again. I am honest I tell partners from the get go my situation. I tell my husband where I am going. This particular guy was not honest. He didn’t say he was married in his profile or in his opening conversations. He assumed I would pick up on the subtleties and ‘get it’. Nope I didn’t and now I feel like an idiot. Plus he put me in a position where I had to get out of a situation when I just wanted to keep going further in.
And so despite the disappointment in realising that the decadent sexiness I was looking forward to came with a price tag I was not prepared to pay, here I am wondering if there is an honest person in the world.