The End of an Era

I have blogged about my pole dance hobby here and here. Pole dance has been part of my life for about nine years. I started out with my friend learning on a pole installed in s woman’s apartment. My friend dropped out after about eight weeks. I kept going for some reason. Eventually my instructor established a studio and I started classes there.

As I have explained before pole studios can be a little bit intimidating. Often they are filled with younger, thinner, more flexible women in tiny shorts. Sometimes the way classes are structured means that if you can’t nail a particular move you have to say good bye to classmates and new friendships as they graduate to new classes while you are stuck at the same level battling with your nemesis move.

My first instructor’s studio worked that way. Because I struggled to invert I was labelled a beginner and I watched younger women sail past me into intermediate classes to learn new and exciting things while I was stuck struggling to invert. Then I found my new studio. I was welcomed and nurtured and encouraged to do something I struggled with in a way that I had never been in my life ever. I was chided for speaking negatively to myself and I was convinced, for the first time, that my arse was a beautiful thing.

For about six years I have been existing in this bubble. I have fallen and terrified my teacher, I have had triumphs and almost successes. I have learned about dance and made some amazing friends. I have some amazing photos. Some that I can, and have shared here. Just for good measure here are some;

But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. My teacher recently announced that she is taking a break from teaching and is closing her studio. This year has been hard for her and she is taking some well earned time to get her heart and her life in order. I am happy for her that she is taking time to recharge her battery because she needs a super strong one to keep shining out positivity and love every day the way she does.

For myself and many of her students we are all feeling a little orphaned and lost right now. I think I have shed more tears about this turn of events than almost anything else in my life. These days I seem to have a leak in my tear ducts. Which is not at all like me. But I digress.

Will I keep pole dancing? I don’t know. I am looking around for other classes and other studios. One of my teachers will perhaps be re-inventing herself and I look forward to that. One thing is for certain, all of those classes in that little studio will forever hold a place in my heart.

Hairy

I have made a few recent mentions about a man I am seeing that has a passing resemblance to John Barrowman. The last time I met up with him I was watching him walk towards me across the car park and I thought to myself how attractive he was. Something about him just floats my boat. Imagine my surprise when later that night during a rest break he comments to me about feeling that he was “too old, too fat and too hairy to be successful in the modern internet dating world.

Firstly he is the same age as me. So if he is too old then I must be as well. I am fairly flexible when it comes to the age of my playmates. The only age related line I have drawn recently has been to refuse a very young man on the basis that he is the same age as my son! Toyboys are nice and all but I just can’t go there. In terms of JB he is fine. Age is just a number and too old is more about attitude than anything else.

Too fat? Well health is more important that a waist measurement. I am forcing myself to come to terms with my own waist measurement that is larger than I would like. When it comes to men something that really, truly gets me going is someone who is strong enough to manhandle me. I believe that JB has that. Note to self; discuss this as a part of our play sometime very soon

The thing that I really wanted to talk about in this post is the hairy comment. In our culture body hair is something that is not really celebrated. Whilst beards are extremely fashionable at the moment our images of sexy men typically don’t include large amounts of body hair. Personally I don’t have a preference. Mr Jones is fairly hairless and I enjoy a smooth skinned man but there is something very masculine about male body hair. A long term twitter friend of mine @jackandjillcpl kindly shared some images of his to help me make my point.

Jack is what I would consider an exceptionally sexy man. He is definitely not smooth skinned but his photos show a man who is comfortable with himself and confident in his sexiness.

I love how proud he is in this image. The mat of hair on his chest announces his masculinity. So fucking sexy

When I look at this one I just want to snuggle in there. One of the things I love about hairy guys is the texture of the hair when I put my hands on their body. Feeling that texture on my hands is sexy. It makes me want to bury my face against his chest and explore how he responds to my touch.

This one is just fucking sexy. I want to put my hands down there and feel what he has to offer before I reveal him to cover his cock with my lips.

Don’t get me wrong I appreciate smooth skin and would explore a smooth body if the chemistry between us is right and the opportunity arises. But a man with hair definitely has appeal. Something I don’t particularly like is a hairy man who shaves his body hair. Body hair gives texture but it is soft. When it is shaved it goes all prickly and irritates my skin. If you have hair, own it. Sexiness is about confidence and the conviction that you are attractive.

This post has been linked to Wicked Wednesday for this week. If you enjoyed this post then you should absolutely head on over and read some of the other entries.

This Teacher Life

So it is Friday afternoon at the end of the second last week of the last term of the school year. Senior students have graduated and the rest of the school is well and truly into assessment mode. Today I supervised an exam and collected two classes of assignments. Admittedly one of the classes has only six students in it but meh. On Monday I will supervise a second exam and collect another class of assignments.

Over the next week and a half I will wade my way through. About 120 pieces of assessment and participate in at least three meetings moderating my marking. Suffice to say driving home on the last day knowing that I have seven weeks of not doing any school related work is going to feel really good.

Really fucking good.

Something to really look forward to this week is a planned meeting with my John Barrowman lookalike. This is really an unexpected experience. I didn’t expect to meet him that night at the club, I didn’t expect that he would want to continue seeing me and mostly I didn’t anticipate how much I would enjoy fucking him.

During our last meeting I took a video of myself giving him a head job. Mostly for Mr Jones’ benefit. Over the last week or so I have listened to it many times. The sound of a man totally lost in pleasure and being comfortable enough to vocalize is so stimulating for me. I cannot explain the visceral reaction I have to the sound of an orgasm that I helped to create. I am definitely looking forward to the encore.

TMI Tuesday – Late Edition

Last week was not my finest hour. I said some stuff and did some stuff and a lot of it was not pretty. The outcome of some of it was confronting as I outlined in one of the posts I did manage to make. Despite committing to myself to post TMI consistently, it fell by the wayside. So this week you get catch-up TMI AND regular TMI.

November 12

1. Do you think taking a break in a relationship works? Have you taken a break? Why do you say it worked or did not work?

Personally no I don’t think it works. Taking a break from an argument to cool down and consider what has been said is a good idea in theory but often hard to do in practise because of the emotions involved. But having a break where you don’t see each other or you are free to see other people willy nilly. Nope. Just nope. At best nothing is getting resolved and at worst you have created a whole other mountain of stuff to work through.

I have not tried it with Mr Jones. I have in previous relationships and they didn’t work. I was very young so that may have been part of the problem but also I may have learned from the experience.

2. What is your ideal “break” in a relationship:

a. we stay monogamous but relax expectations on each other and each other’s time

b. we can see/date other people

c. we can take time to explore sex with other people

d. take a break but there is no discussion about seeing other people

For Mr Jones and I none of the above would be a break as such. We already see other people in a fully ethical and consensual way. In the past a break is a break from non-monogamy to focus strongly on each other and spend time together to get our primary relationship back on track.

3. Currently, how many healthy relationships do you have? How many unhealthy or toxic relationships do you have?

One healthy marriage. Two healthy relationships with my children. A relationship with my mother that could be toxic if I don’t keep my guard up and a very new sexual relationship with my John Barrowman look alike that is open honest and shows great promise as a sexual friendship. Definitely no romance.

4. Are there limits to your sexual creativity?

I guess there is. Sometimes I don’t have the mental capacity to be creative and I just want to fuck in a few basic positions. Other times I am all over trying different stuff.

5. What one item in this life do you want to take to the afterlife? (For the purposes of this questions just assume there IS an afterlife).

I don’t really have an answer to that one. I can’t think of an item that I couldn’t leave behind.

Bonus: What life-altering thing should every human ideally get to experience at least once in their life?

I am going to go out on a limb here and say taking your clothes off seductively in front of people you don’t know very well if at all. Over the last eight or so years I have been fortunate enough to do this and also witness other women doing it in a loving supportive environment. It is liberating and it teaches you that there is someone out there who appreciates every body type. There is someone who thinks you are hot no matter how old, fat, skinny, young, saggy, lumpy, bumpy you are.

Sexy is not entirely how you look it is confidence.

These questions were posted on 12 November at TMI Tuesday. As always I encourage you to head on over and see what everyone else had to say.

Sharing Secrets

I have been in ‘the lifestyle’ for about 10 years now. I started sharing my experiences through writing in one form or another for about eight, maybe slightly longer. During that time I was always worried about being on the receiving end of some on-line attack  from people who had some kind of moral problem with my sexual choices.

Strangely I have never really had any vilification either on line or in person. Due to my profession I am quite careful about what I share about my extra-curricular activities. People are weird about how they expect teachers to behave in their private lives. That, and people find it incredibly had to understand the concept of minding their own business. Almost as hard as they find accepting that other people don’t make the same relationship choices as they do. Having said that I have always had a lurking doubt that my on-line exploits will one day draw the attention of a troll and I will become the victim of a narrow -minded keyboard warrior.

In the real face to face world I am quite careful about who I discuss my lifestyle with. As  a general rule I don’t share any details unless they have confirmed in some way that they are open to the idea of non-monogamy by expressing a desire to practice it or that they are trustworthy enough that they will not turn on me. I spend a bit of time in the world of pole dance and burlesque. I have been a practitioner of pole fitness for slightly less time than I have been a swinger. I have blogged about it here and I am sure some other posts as well. I have found myself becoming part of a pole studio community that has muddied the waters between my two worlds. It is a weird crossover. Of course you would expect this from people who want to take their clothes off in front of others or explore the conflict between body and gravity, skin and metal that is pole dancing. I have encountered several people who sit somewhere on the spectrum of alternative relationships and they have made me feel more comfortable about myself and my relationships. Those who are still chasing the monogamy dream are usually open minded enough to go with the flow.

In this place where I have made vanilla looking friendships with non-vanilla people and learned volumes about accepting my body as it is I did not expect to encounter judgement. But I did. In spades.

It came from a woman much younger than myself. Someone who has only been learning at this studio for a very short time. I don’t walk around at pole class openly talking about my lifestyle, most of the time. Sometimes though it slips out. When I am there I am as if I am at home. Other class members talk openly about their sex lives or attempts at one and so I feel comfortable to do so myself from time to time. So when I made a full disclosure during one class I was not prepared for a sneak attack. I guess when a member of the class took the opportunity to let me know how she felt, thankfully in private, I was taken by surprise.

I was too stunned to respond. I am still smarting from her words. In the style of a truly judgmental person she shot first and didn’t even bother to ask questions. She didn’t give me the opportunity to respond or to defend myself and quite honestly that was probably a good thing. I don’t think I would have said may constructive things in that moment. I was left to contemplate her comments. She accused me of judging her, not about her relationship choices but some behavior she had done. As is my nature I have spent the last few days considering her statements. I guess I am judgmental and now I find myself second guessing every negative comment. That is a process I will work through but the wash up of her comments on my lifestyle have led to a re-assessment of my approach.

I thought I had found a real world place where I could safely share some information about myself. It turns out I was wrong. This whole experience has left me thinking that the on-line confessional booth that is this blog is the only place I should share.

Although this does not follow the prompt for this week. I have included this post as part of  this week’s Wicked Wednesday group. The prompt for this week is “Astrology” make sure you head on over and see what other bloggers are writing about. 

Big Hands I know Your the One

Before I start today I want to share one of my all time favourite songs with you

This song is symbolic of rebellion against the rules of the Catholic Boarding school I spent my teenage years in and also of drunk times in pubs as a uni student. It also sports one of the lines that has become a slight obsession of late.

“Big hands I know your’e the one”

Does hand size have anything to do with penis size? I have no idea. But lately, when I am forced to endure meetings it has become a guilty pleasure to observe hand size of the men around me and speculate. Is it workplace appropriate. Probably not. Will I ever act on it? definitely not. Will I ever share my thinking outside the confessional booth that is this blog. Nope. So you lot and I get to smirk secretly to our heart’s content.

And so the idea of big hands = big cock has led to some interesting ideas and endless entertainment both at work and in other places. Of course I have absolutely no intention of embarking on an actual research project about this. Even though as a scientist I instinctively want to prove a theory. The problem I have is that when I am in a position to observe penis size I don’t really think too much about hand size. When I am observing hand size there is usually NO FUCKING WAY I am going to ask the subject of my observations about his penis size.

Case in point. My current principal has big meaty hands. When we shake hands they swallow mine. He is a big man. Tall, broad and an ex football player. Probably attractive in his own way but I have cultivated this filter in my brain that does not allow inappropriate thoughts to get too out of hand when I am at school. We are never going to have a conversation about my lifestyle. EVER. So I am left to speculate when he goes on a bit too much in staff meetings.

Sometimes amusing yourself with your own twisted mind is enough.

Please make sure you check out the other better writers at this week’s post

TMI Tuesday – Kinkster edition

1. What are your kinks?

How long is a piece of string really? In a recent post I pointed out that I didn’t think I would get pleasure out of anal fisting but was surprised. I am currently exploring play with a man that is caged, another thing I have not really sought out. So I guess the moral of the story is don’t knock it until you try it.

Kinks I knew I had that I have recently re-discovered? Biting. Holy fuck I like biting someone when they are fucking me. I don’t know why but I like it.

2. How did a lover last please you?

I recently had a threesome with Mr Jones and another man who reminds me a little of John Barrowman. It wasn’t the John Barrowman resemblance that pleased me but rather the combination of two penises and an amazing tongue at my disposal. There was licking, sucking, fucking and I am still tingling from it.

3. When it comes to giving oral sex would you say you’re:

a. a Rookie – I know the moves but need to develop skill and probably incorporate tricks.

b. a Talented Intermediate – I have had lots of practice, I have some ways-to-make-you-moan tricks. I’m pretty competent and confident in giving oral pleasure.

c. a Proficient and Intuitive lover who knows what to do when, where, and for how long. Guaranteed to make a lover scream, moan, groan with pleasure. You can come from the thrill of my tongue.

d. an Expert at whole body pleasure and oral is merely a thrilling stop on the way to mind-blowing stimulation. The sheer anticipation of what I will do at your nether regions is enough to make you come.

I am going to go with c. I would by no means call myself an expert and I don’t really know how good I am because I have never experienced my own oral skills but I have had many many compliments. I work hard to be good at sucking cock and I love to watch the pleasure on someone’s face as they enjoy the fruits of my labour.

4. Which on-screen sex scene would you like to re-create?

a. The Pottery Scene, ‘Ghost’: Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze

b. Monica’s First Time, ‘Love and Basketball’: Sanaa Lathan and Omar Epps

c. The Train Scene, ‘Risky Business’: Rebecca De Mornay and Tom Cruise

d. The Kitchen Scene, ‘The Postman Always Rings Twice’: Jessica Lange and Jack Nicholson

e. The Nearly Eight-Minute Sex Scene, ‘Blue Is the Warmest Color’: Lea Seydoux and Adele Exarchopoulos

f. Brokeback Mountain iconic love scene: Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal

Movie sex is so over rated. I am going to go out on a limb and say that I haven’t watched some of these movies and none of them really appeal to me. OK maybe the train scene in Risky Business. Now that I am thinking about it I want to add it to the fucket list. I did once however participate in a session that was reminscent of another famous sex scene; The refrigerator scene in 9 1/2 weeks starring Micky Rourke and Kim Basinger

I know I am old but it is fucking sexy.

5. On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex? (10 = super satisfied)

I don’t have sex every time it pops into my head but I think that would be unhealthy. I get as much sex as I need and that is a good thing. Right now I am being constantly amazed by how generous Mr Jones is being with his support of my extra curricular activities. I truly have the best husband in the entire world.

Bonus: There wasn’t a bonus again this week and so I am going to dig back through my camera roll for something tasty for you all.

Gotta love a good selfie.

Make sure you check out the other TMI goodness right here

Expectations

Swing clubs can be very daunting places. So many uncertainties. It is a completely different world where the normal rules you are used to don’t always apply. The rule about not being able to flirt with and hook up with people who are not single or your partner doesn’t apply. The rules about appropriate clothing do not apply. The rules about fucking in private do not apply. It is a place where alternate is the norm but sometimes, somehow mainstream can worm its way into your thinking and the way you act.

One of the things your mother tells you when you are a child learning how to socialise is “just be yourself.” That phrase is something that every child who doesn’t quite fit in learns to hate over time. Like Sheldon they go out into the world being loud and proud about themselves and they get beaten down. By those that are considered beautiful and ‘normal’ and ‘cool’. Just being yourself is not just about wearing what you like and doing the things you like. It is actually about being happy to be yourself and being confident that there are people who appreciate you, even if they are not in front of you at that moment. It takes a long time for some people to learn that being cool is not about wearing the right clothes, saying the right things or even about the people you hang out with. Truly cool people don’t care about being cool. They know what they are on about and they are happy with it. They aren’t overly concerned about people’s opinion of themselves because they are happy to go home with themselves at the end of the night.

These rules apply in triplicate at a swing club. Whatever the reason you are there, whatever you are looking for the number one thing to remember is, you are enough. Maybe not for the people who are there at the time but you are enough for yourself. This is a very hard thing to remember. When you are sitting there watching people who you think are more attractive than you, dressed more sexily than you feel, it is hard not to revert to that kid in the playground who nobody liked or who the other girls laughed at because your clothes were not quite right. Or who other people felt threatened by because you were smarter than them and you didn’t bother to hide it.

Recently I had an experience like that. Without realising I was feeling very negative about myself. I went out wearing the same clothes I normally do, I thought I was doing the same things I normally did but somehow people were not responding the same way. At one point I realised that something wasn’t right but this only made me feel worse about myself. I felt I wasn’t good enough and I had this self destructive need to prove my worth by finding a man to have sex with. Even though it wasn’t the man I was with. I did find someone, you always can it is just a question of standards really, The sex was OK and he was not a bad or even ugly guy but the experience stayed with me for days. It ate at me. I knew it meant that I had to step back.

Flash forward to several weeks later. I am back in the same space with a better outlook. As things are in this world I had a much better night. I met a guy who was very sexy and he, Mr Jones and I enjoyed a good hour and a half of fun together. I was feeling spoiled and frankly quite lucky to be alive. I noticed a couple who I had seen earlier in the night. They were new to the venue and I had noticed they didn’t seem quite at ease. They were older and their appearance was a little unconventional. When I had encountered them earlier it had seemed as if Mr had needed a bit of dutch courage and was under the influence. She was clearly looking for a woman and was a bit hands on. It made me avoid them. That, and the man who I had set my sights on.

Now with that itch scratched I let my good nature take over and I went to speak to them. She was still keen to get naked with me. I could feel her frustration and hurt. I didn’t want to add to it but I also didn’t want to have sex with her. As gently as I could I told her that I wasn’t looking for a girl. She made some comment about how she felt judged and not the right kind of attractive. In all honesty she was right. The people there right then were not the kind of people who would be into her. But how could I explain to her and at the same time reassure her that she was enough?

I tried. Mr Jones told me later that I couldn’t have done any thing else. He re-affirmed that I did everything I could. It wasn’t enough. She wasn’t ready or able to listen. Things went really south when I noticed her husband wearing a cock ring. (We made a stupid childish pact to be naked together in a non-sexual way.) I wanted to ask him about it because of my recent experiences with The I.T. Guy Besides, in my world, penis will almost ALWAYS trump vagina. My new friend(?) reacted badly. Everything became really awkward and I found myself picking up my clothes and retreating to a safe corner. There were angry words coming from a place of hurt and my cock ring wearing friend decided it was time to take his wife home.

I was dissapointed for them. They had gone out on a limb in search of a fantasy and it had ended badly. I know I am the kind of person who will reflect on an event like that and try to take away lessons to apply. I am not sure about these two. I genuinely hope that she finds what she is searching for and that her visit to the small window on the world of alternate sexuality that is a swingers club did not scar her too deeply.