This week I was a little reluctant to answer the questions. Even though I can say I have dabbled in BDSM / kink I don’t consider myself a serious practitioner. In the presence of people living in true Ds relationships I feel intimidated. However after reading the answers of a few fellow TMIers namely Pink Seam and Mr A I felt a little more confident. So here goes!
1. In a D/s relationship (dominance and submission) , what do you enjoy most?
I always seem to end up dominating. It is sometimes by choice and I enjoy it. Some recent experiences with JB have proven that to me. I was reminded of the rush I get from marking a man with my teeth during sex and I expanded my toy collection a little by purchasing my first riding crop. I LOVED the sound it made when I used it on his ass.
I have also enjoyed being submissive as well. A long term occasional play friend introduced me to another thing that I find infinitely erotic. He used to hold the back of my head when I was sucking his cock and whisper to me what a good girl I was. Those words were sometimes enough to make me squirt a little.
2. What do you want people to know most about D/s relationships?
I guess, given my opening comments, I would like people to know that it isn’t all extreme pain and shouting. Sometimes like the situations I have described above it is more subtle. Many play situations involve simply teasing the line between pleasure and pain so that it gets a little blurred.
3. For you, does D/s need to have a sadist and masochist component?
Walking the line between pleasure and pain yes, sadism probably not so much. Most of the time it is more about a power play. Allowing someone to have control of your senses and experiences. Which can be more about surprise and maybe doing something that you wouldn’t normally.
4. For you, does BDSM have to involve sex?
As I said earlier I don’t consider myself a practitioner of true BDSM. I am primarily a swinger who likes to include a bit of kinky stuff in my sex. So the answer for me is yes there needs to be sex.
5. If you are in a D/s relationship, why do you need it?
I refuse to introduce any long term every day elements of Ds into my marriage. I consider marriage to be a partnership. Some members of the kink community would argue that there can be Ds and partnership, and they would be right. For me I don’t feel our partnership would work if it were a Ds relationship.
6. If you are not in a D/s relationship, would you like to be? Why?
While I don’t feel that my marriage is a good place for Ds my play friend space is definitely a great place for this to exist. As I explained in Q1. I have explored this dynamic in play friendships before and thoroughly enjoyed it. I look forward to pushing my boundaries more in the future.
Bonus: What is the relationship between trust and vulnerability?
I think that there is a strong connection. When you trust you become vulnerable. The more you trust, the more vulnerable you are. Some people trust too easily and it gets them into unsafe situations. It would be nice to think that every person who likes to be Dominant had the feelings and safety of their submissive at heart. But sadly that is not the case.
This post is Part of TMI Tuesday. Please take the time to read other posts there.