Just Say No!

The school that I work at has introduced a class called “Stretch” that is compulsory for all students. The idea behind this class is to cover all of the life skills stuff that is not covered in regular academic classes. Although it could be argued that much of it is covered in day to day dealings with students. But of course that doesn’t count. It could also be argued that many of the things that are covered in Stretch; things like, how to choose a good first car, how to apply for a credit card, how to travel overseas safely, how to study effectively are things that should be perhaps taught by parents but that is a topic for another time and probably another place.

I have volunteered to prepare and deliver lessons about consent and relationship stuff for a couple of different age groups. The first lesson was for 16 – 17 year olds and is focussing around the idea of consent and avoiding unwanted sexual situations including how bad mannered sending dick pics is. Especially considering that capturing and distributing sexual images of a person under the age of 18 is illegal in Australia and can land you in jail. Even if they are pictures of YOUR penis. This lesson is fairly stock standard. A lot, but not all, of the students in this group are sexually active at some level. Many have had serious (to them) relationships and so are almost adults.

The second group are 13 – 14. Slightly younger in years but so much younger when it comes to relationships. They have dabbled in dating in a childish pre-teen way and I am assuming that there are some who are sexually active at some level. I am pretty sure penetrative sex at this age is the exception rather than the rule but sex is not just about penis in vagina. Whatever the case it has been identified that these guys are not very good at dealing with situations where someone is getting rejected or when someone has an opinion that is different from the loudest (not necessarily the most popular) person in the group.

My lesson is structured in this way;

Learning Intention:

  1. Students will be able to deal with an unwanted advance tactfully and kindly
  2. Students will be able to handle a rejection with grace and walk away knowing it is not the end of the world

Success criteria:

  1. I am able to be honest and kind with a person who likes me who I don’t like me back
  2. I will be able to be understanding and sensible when someone doesn’t like me back and not engage in any kind of childish, stupid or aggressive behaviour.

Ok so when I write those on the board I may use different words but you get the idea.

What scared me the most was the amount of material I found, while doing some research, that encouraged a level of game playing. This included videos and articles with titles like “How to get her to like you”, “What she REALLY means when she says no” and “How to keep him interested.” Now most of this is produced by and for young “adults” but I am certain that my students will be watching this. The amount of material that I could find that was a) produced for younger teenagers and b) relaying positive messages was miniscule.

I found all of this terrifying. What are we teaching our young people? Where is the honesty? Where is the acceptance that not everyone I am attracted to is going to like me back? Adding to that the idea that being rejected is not a sign that you are worth less? As a parent I have striven to imprint on my children the importance of being as honest as possible with people and avoiding games. It is not an easy path when your peers are not using the same value set. But good relationships are a long game and the gratification is not always instant.

Based on the junk I have uncovered on the internet and my observation of student behaviour, game playing seems to be pretty much the norm. Conversations about “being left on read” and what he really meant, and how to turn her opinion around are rife. The idea that a boy should “fight” for a relationship by persisting with his attention after being told no is particularly frightening.

It is a great boost to the ego when someone demonstrates their undying love consistently even in the face of adversity but the danger of encouraging persistence after the initial no is that people don’t know when no actually does mean no and this can ultimately lead to rape.

There are two sides to no. The first is the telling. Women are conditioned to be compliant and pleasant to suitors, even those they don’t like so much. On top of this humans are wired to avoid conflict. So if we get into a situation that requires rejecting someone we will avoid rather than standing up and saying how we feel. Enter the behaviour of ghosting and “leaving on read”. I am guilty of doing both of these. It is hard to say no. Especially if you have indicated interest early in the conversation. If me, a mature, strong woman finds it hard how hard must it be for a 13 year old feeling the extreme of peer pressure?

The second side is hearing no. It hurts. As an adult it is a knock back. To a teenager striving to be accepted it is of course devastating. Young boys in particular often struggle to contain tempers and express themselves in a non-violent way. Young girls resort to emotional “bitchy” behaviour when they don’t have the tools to deal with this. While the junk that I have described above floats around on the internet the idea that No doesn’t really mean No is going to persist and these young people are not going go through the painful growth of learning how to take a rejection with grace and maturity.

As an educator I am passionate about educating in a holistic way. This means teaching students life skills and encouraging them to grow into decent humans that treat each other with respect. Which is why I am passionate about making sure that this Stretch lesson happens. What concerns me is that many teachers are unaware of the rubbish that students are exposed to and how dating has changed in the last 10 -20 years. What concerns me even more is that parents are even less aware of what is going on in their children’s lives and are not equipping their children with the confidence and skills to deal with this stuff. Schools can only do so much and one or two lessons is like one person trying to stop an ocean.

This post is part of Wicked Wednesday prompt #435 “The Games We Play”. To see who else is posting!

I Wish I Had a Teacher Like You

I am sure I have written about this before but reading through some of the posts in the recent 4ThoughtsorFiction posts I came across some stories that are genuinely shocking. In particular one shared by Jenna at Rasperry Ripples. In her post she shares a recollection about a male teacher who made sexual remarks about her body during her time at high school.

As a teacher I was genuinely appalled at his behaviour. While the rules about professional conduct vary slightly from country to country I don’t believe at any time or in any place a teacher making sexual advances or even engaging in innuendos with a student has been acceptable, AT ALL, EVER.

There is a slight grey area here. In the situation I am talking about; the student was a female and the teacher was a male. This kind of situation is very much taboo but the reverse seems to carry less offense. This probably ties back to the general idea that we seem to have that men have more power than women. Even when they are significantly younger.

But it is no less offensive. The problem when a teacher makes an advance on a student is not the gender but the age of the student. It is about the power imbalance. A young inexperienced person, even if they are legally above the age of consent cannot give fully informed consent to someone who has been in a position of power over them. Hence even if an 18 year old student tried to hook up with a teacher or vice versa the situation is not seen as consensual on the part of the student.

Many times when I am talking to men who would like to be a sexual partner and I reveal my profession they reply with; “I wish I had a teacher like you.” Of course they probably did have a mid 40’s, slightly overweight maths teacher who liked to stick to the rules and dressed like a teacher. I certainly don’t look like the fantasy girl when I am at work. The fantasy these men are tapping in to is the fantasy that an unattainable person suddenly and unexpectedly becomes sexually available to them.

I am sexually available. To the right people. Those people don’t include; my students, other teachers I work with (despite some being of passing interest to me) and men who want to teacher role play. I have been known to tell men who are getting a bit out of hand “Don’t make me get the teacher voice out!” Sometimes this causes a bit of hilarity, but generally when the teacher voice happens in a sexually open environment I get what I want. Sometimes because obedience to that kind of voice is ingrained in us and sometimes because it touches a chord in a man’s sexual fantasy realm and he wants more. Either way it is not going to result in me donning a pair of thick rimmed glasses and engaging in a full classroom role play.

I would not say that I have not been on the receiving end of some “attention” from male students. But never anything serious. Most of it is very, very inexperienced young men awkwardly trying to come to terms with unfamiliar stuff happening in their bodies. A woman with few scruples could easily take advantage of the situation if she was so inclined. And when she was exposed it would be the end of her career as well as a bunch of negative publicity.

Consequently for me the teacher thing is off limits. I may make the occasional joke but as I said I am not interested in a teacher role play situation and I am DEFINITELY not interested in any after hours stuff in an actual classroom. Don’t laugh I was actually asked if that was a possibility once.

I don’t talk to that man any more.

Of course there are always stories about teachers hooking up with ex students or teachers that start relationships with students and keep it on the down low until they are of age. I am certain things like that happen but they are VERY rare and the participants are VERY close mouthed about it. I am not here to judge and every case is slightly different. The thing to remember is that some teachers are quite young when they start out. My daughter literally has her ex school captain as one of her teachers in the last year of her schooling. He is actually friends with my son. In the right situation they could end up dating. As a parent I would not be against that situation.

I guess the fallout from all of this is that we have a fascination with the power play and taboo nature of teacher – student interaction. For the most part this interaction has no place in real life. Teachers who take advantage of the power their position affords them are low lifes who should not be teachers. But as always there are exceptions.

Saturday Sex Interview – Kinks and Fetishes

Question 1: Have you tried BDSM? How hard core did you get with it? Thoughts?

I have blogged about my feelings on BDSM a few times. I don’t consider myself a true practitioner but as my sexual journey unfolds I find myself dipping my toe in the water deeper and deeper. I had an experience recently that was fuelled by a lot of alcohol and involved dominating a man for a brief moment. The morning after I was very unsure of myself and I am resolved not to go into a situation like that when I am that drunk.

Something that intrigued me was that he professed to not be interested in pain or turned on by it. However a good hard bite on his cock made it grow and harden significantly in my mouth…

Question 2: Have you tried a poly relationship or swinging? Would you like to? Thoughts?

Swinging, yes. This whole blog is about that journey so I won’t try and put that into a nutshell. Polyamoury? Well that is a bit different.

I THINK that I would like to have a second serious relationship but I feel that the reality might be a bit different. Mr Jones is not keen on the idea at all and so for me it will remain a fantasy.

Question 3: Have you been to an adult, clothing optional resort like Hedonism II? Would you like to? Would you go if your spouse wanted to?

Mr Jones and I talked about going to a place like Hedonism when we were much younger. These days we are a bit concerned that we are not young and sexy enough for a place like that. Although recently we have become friends with a couple who regularly participate in Lifestyle cruises and it is something that interests us. If we ever get the confidence

Question 4: Have you tried public or group nudity? (Nudist Colony? Nude bike ride? Nude beach? Skinny dipping with friends? Nude resorts? Other?) Would you you like to participate in any such activity?

There are many swingers who frequent nude beaches. Being comfortable in your own skin is a characteristic of many swingers and it is something they have in common with nudists. BUT there are also a lot of nudists who are not swingers and who don’t really like their events / areas being used by swingers to pick up.

Having said all that I have been known to go nude on several beaches and other swimming places. But I have never gone out of my way to visit a nudist beach or event. It isn’t something that is high on my bucket list.

Question 5: Is there any other kink or fetish you have participated in? Or, any you wish to try or desire? Tell us about it?

The current 4Thought or Fiction prompt focuses on Kink and Fetish. You can read my contribution here.

Extra Credit: If you have any kinks or fetishes, can you tell us your thoughts on where the fetish might stem from? What might be the psychology behind the desire?

The idea that there is some deep rooted ’cause’ for a kink or fetish is a little bit archaic and kind of indicates that people with kinks and fetishes are damaged in some way. I think that people who explore their kinky side and indulge their fetishes are just more in touch with their sexual energy. I believe that everyone has different triggers that turn them on and in a pure sense these triggers could be called a kink. Except that if the kink is common it isn’t really regarded as a kink.

Am I Kinky?

The current 4 Thoughts or Fiction prompt is Kink vs Fetish. According to Scottish Lass at Sex and Spanx;

Kinks are defined as something sexually non-conventional whereas a fetish is the sexual gratification gained from an object, piece of clothing or a body part.

So to the question posed in the title. Am I kinky? According to the definition given the answer is yes. I am definitely living a non-conventional sexual lifestyle. Actively seeking sexual partners outside my primary relationship is definitely not a lot of people’s cup of tea.

I know many people would not even consider my lifestyle as moral or for them. But I also know that there are those who are very very curious, even if they are equally as hesitant. I also know that a proportion of the people who reject the non-monogamous lifestyle at first bite would possibly go back for a second look if they had further information or experiences.

In my opinion, for what it is worth, I don’t see swinging or seeing other partners outside the relationship as cheating or kinky. It is more along the lines of Free Love as described by The Hoodoogurus

The other side of the prompt is about fetish. I have read definitions of fetish that state that a person with a true fetish cannot gain sexual gratification without the object or body part being present. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that one cannot include genitals as a body part here. Because really that is kind of a key part of sexual gratification.

Using this definition I don’t have a fetish. I can achieve sexual gratification without a specific set of circumstances or a particular object being present. But are there items that I find very stimulating? The answer to that is yes. I have blogged about being very turned on by seeing a man wearing my underwear. I have been looking recently at the images posted by A Man Called Alice and even though he is not wearing MY underwear he looks as hot as hell. So I am thinking that my “fetish” is expanding; or at least is bigger than I thought.

When Pet and I were dating I had quite a large collection of underwear that rotated through my wardrobe. Several pairs ended up in his possession while a few others found their way to various men who contacted me. Over time I have not replenished and lost contact with men who were interested in that kind of thing. Consequently my underwear collection today is quite small. Part of me likes that. I have become a firm believer in having less stuff in my house and countless pairs of underwear that I don’t wear regularly seem to be superfluous.

And then I find myself looking at lingerie online and wishing I did have more lacy things…. It is a constant pull and push. Although I think I may need to invest in some new underwear. My current collection is sad and doesn’t warrant posting sexy pics which I enjoy doing.

Given that my birthday is tomorrow I think I may treat myself to some new knickers. That may or may not find their way onto another man’s bottom.

This post is part of 4Thought or Fiction Prompt #158 Kink vs Fetish. I have linked to some of the participating bloggers through this post but please use the image below to find your way to some excellent posts.

Being Men

I have been enjoying posts from Marriage Sex and More recently. His take on being a man in a successful marriage is refreshing and I like it. Plus he posts great photos. A post I read recently spawned some thoughts of my own that I would like to share with you.

My friend posts about many things but a recurring theme is his frustration at the decline of masculinity in our modern world. I find myself agreeing with many of his ideas. Particularly some that are expressed in a post in which he describes his learnings from years of dealing with sex traffickers as a law enforcement officer. Warning, the post does describe the effect of the sex trafficking industry on women and is not for the faint of heart. In his reflections he explains that many women are drawn to the pimps of this world because they are tired of the beta behaviour of their current partners and find the Alpha behaviour of pimps alluring, before they get caught in the spider’s web, so to speak.

I agree with his ideas that women are tired of men who don’t embrace their masculinity and are seeking the stronger more decisive type of man but it isn’t as simple as all that. I am a Biologist, I believe that the way we act is driven by our basic function of reproducing successfully. As I tell my students, everything in Biology is about sex and food. Men are programmed with the scatter gun approach. Their goal is to get their DNA into as many females as possible. Over his lifetime a man could, theoretically, impregnate hundreds of women. Women are not able to take this approach. In an extreme case a woman might successfully birth twenty babies in her lifetime. Of those twenty maybe half would make it to adulthood. IF she is healthy and able to carry and birth them. IF she has a tribe around her to help raise them. IF, and this is the kicker, she can find a mate to PROVIDE for her.

In a caveman scenario, which is where our programming and instincts come from, a woman is looking for a man whose genes are sound and will give her offspring the best chance of success. Enter the Alpha, strong, confident, resourceful. She will try to mate with him because, clearly, his genes are going to give her offspring the best chance. But here is her conundrum; while the Alpha has the best genes he is not likely to stick around and bring her food while she is incapacitated and caring for the offspring they have created. His attention is going to be on the next conquest and the next woman who is looking for his genes. Without support and a provider the offspring, and probably the woman, will die.

Enter feminine wiles. While seeking to acquire impregnation from the Alpha the woman may seek to bind a less Alpha or beta male to her and convince him that he needs to care for her and her children. This guy is less desirable from a sexual point of view; he is possibly weaker and may have some weird characteristics but he will be around to build a shelter, hunt for some food and brandish a weapon at any wild animals that might try to attack her and her baby.

The animal kingdom is full of examples of females who birth offspring that are not genetically related to the male to whom she is bound. There are a wide variety of examples of social arrangements that allow for females to mate with the Alpha while enjoying the support and protection of other males, and/ or females, in their community.

So what does all this have to do with men and women and relationships in the 21st century? Well, the programming is still there. We may have progressed culturally and socially but we are still the same species that lived in caves and wandered about hunting mammoths and digging up roots. We are still in the words of Douglas Adams “Very clever apes”. So women still want to mate the Alpha and the Alpha still wants to fuck everything he can. Other men, and women, created this culture that values monogamy above all else as a way of negating the fascination with Alpha and decreasing his power. Marriage could be viewed as an institution that allowed beta males to capture a mate and lock the Alpha out. The idea of purity and chastity could be seen as tool men used to control women and keep the Alpha out until the beta had a chance to lock her up with his nice house and good job.

Deep down the woman still desires the Alpha and deep down the beta is still submissive to his dominance. Can a beta become an Alpha? In some cases yes. But honestly it is unlikely. The traits that define an Alpha are not entirely learned. They come from within and are not always conscious. The beta may learn to mimic some Alpha behaviours and this will gain him some success. A quick Google will unearth any amount of material claiming to help men “Become more Alpha” but it is a slippery slope. Without some limitations men who engage in Alpha behaviour just become an arsehole.

Enter the pimp and honestly, any men who commit domestic abuse. These men may have started life as an Alpha or they may have been betas who converted. Whatever the case, their Alphaness is out of control. They have power and are, by all accounts, very, very charming. They possess that thing that draws women in. The women sense that their genes are strong. But these men are addicted to their power. They are incapable of owning it against a woman who is strong enough to question it and so they enforce their power by engaging in degrading and abusive behaviour.

Life is about balance. A good relationship has balance. A marriage survives because the partners work as a team to ensure that each party becomes their best self. There is definitely room for a man to be a man and own his masculinity but it cannot be at the expense of his partner. Being more alpha is not a license to act like an arsehole. It does not give you the right to hold a good woman (or man) down.

Friday Flashback – You’ve Got Mail

Welcome to another gem from the Erotic Adventures Vault.

“Good morning sweetie,” the message was waiting for her when she started her computer as it had been every morning this week. “You look so hot today. The way your nipples poke through your blouse is so perfect. I love those pert breasts of yours.”

Molly looked behind her. The open plan office was half filled with administrators and accounts people starting their workdays. Along the side of the room several offices were occupied by managers and team leaders all organising their schedule for the day. It all looked so ordinary but one of those people at one of those desks had watched her arrive and sent this email.

She re-read the message. Her heart raced at the thought of being watched while she read, her cunt throbbed. When this had started two weeks ago the messages had been innocent but after a few days they started to become flirty. Now she found herself waiting breathlessly for them. They turned her on more than she could have ever imagined. Now the mere sight of the envelope icon was enough to cause her clit to throb.

Her in tray sat in front of her demanding her attention. Across the hallway from her she noticed her manager opening his door and turning on the light in his office. She knew that he would be expecting his coffee immediately. Reluctantly she closed her messages and made her way to the coffee machine. As she walked she remembered the email and felt her nipples harden in response. Every inch of her skin was aware that someone somewhere was watching her. Who was he? Where did he sit?

When she returned to her desk the email icon was flashing at her. Her heart quickened at the sight. Quickly she sat down and clicked the little envelope at the bottom of her screen.

“I watched those gorgeous nipples as you walked by. It made me hard thinking of sucking them.”

Again, there was that throb in her groin. Without her realising she put her hand on her breasts. The nipples poked through the sheer fabric of her blouse. She did not need to check to know the fabric of her panties would be saturated.

A picture of a man sitting in an office softly stroking his hard cock through his suit pants flashed into her mind. For the first time she hit the return key. With shaking fingers, she typed,

“I am so wet thinking of sucking your hard cock.” For long moments she stared at the message before hitting the send key.

Her manager appeared at her desk and gave her a pile of letters to file and another pile of notes to type up. Her fantasies melted away and she immersed herself in her work glad of the distraction. Still through the day she was plagued with thoughts of the hard cock she imagined earlier. As she bent over the filing cabinet, she imagined a pair of masculine hands grasping her hips as a throbbing hot member was thrust between her legs.

Sometime around three pm Molly had whittled away at her pile so she treated herself to a coffee break. The aroma of the coffee filled her nostrils as she made her way back from the lunchroom. As if it was waiting for her to be free the email icon flashed at her. Fatigue and worries about other tasks left her as she clicked on the tiny envelope. Even though she hadn’t given them a thought for a few hours suddenly her damp panties were at the front of her mind, along with the growing ache between her legs.

“You looked so fucking hot bent over that filing cabinet. I just wanted to walk up and grab that sweet round ass and press my hard on against it.”

Molly’s heart hammered in her chest. The burning ache was agony. She needed something in her dripping wet cunt; and she needed it right now. She glanced over her shoulder, wondering if he was watching, hoping against hope that she could identify the email sender. Every person in her line of sight seemed absorbed in their work. Her need was compelling. She stood up and made her way quietly to the ladies.

Quickly she walked to the end stall and closed the door behind her. Her panties hit the floor and she sat down with her feet hitched up. 

Clenching her teeth to hold in the groan she slid two fingers inside herself clenching around the digits. Quickly she fucked herself. There was no time for drawn out self-pleasure, she needed release. Her hand pounded into her cunt. With the fingers of her other hand she worked her clit. The orgasm came quickly and mercifully. She kept her lips pressed together to stop the whimper from escaping. Taking a few precious moments to settle her heartbeat and breathing Molly let the afterglow flood through her before she slid her panties back up her legs.

As she walked back to her desk, she felt calm and in control. The ache between her legs was still there but it was manageable now. The email icon on her screen flashed. She clicked.

“Did you just take yourself off for a little self-satisfaction?”

Molly wriggled on her chair, the control she had gained just ten minutes earlier started to slip.

“If had been there it would have been my cock in your cunt.”

A feeling of boldness washed over Molly. Her fingers flew over the keyboard, “Tell me where you are and I will come and fuck you right now.”

She pressed send without a second thought. Then she sat there staring at her screen unable to think of a single thing about work. Within moments the reply blinked back.

“Second office from the end. Close the door as you come in.”

Molly felt her legs go to jelly and the butterflies rise in her stomach. What was she thinking? How could she be so bold? Fears of the consequences of walking through the door. But that burning desire that had been building all week drove her forward. After the longest walk of her life she arrived at the door.

As she turned the handle she read the nameplate;

Cliff Burnside – Accounts Manager 

Rule 1 – Respect My Husband

During my Saturday morning internet wandering I came across a post written by Marie Rebelle over at Rebel’s Notes. Even though the post was written in 2016 her words resonated strongly with me. The world of non – monogamy attracts a lot of different people including those who are not in relationships. As I wrote about in my last post Mr Jones and I have been existing in a place that is inhabited mostly by single men who are in many ways taking advantage of the availability of non – monogamous women.

These men are doing what men are programmed to do, spread their genes far and wide by getting as much sex as possible. The possibility of having sex with a woman like me is a double bonus. They get to scratch that primal sex drive itch with a willing, experienced and open minded woman PLUS they don’t have the pressure of having to maintain a relationship. For them it is winning all the way.

For me there are a lot of pluses, I can be as selective as I like; there really seems to be an endless parade if you are prepared to put it out there. I can call the shots because if what I want doesn’t suit one person there will be another who it DOES suit.

For a lot of men though there is also a primal need to be the Alpha in a situation. These men don’t want the commitment of a relationship but they also don’t like the idea that they are not the centre of a woman’s universe. One of the requirements I put on any encounter I have is that the man must respect my husband. This is something that many men are happy to comply with. They understand the incredible privilege they have been given and they act accordingly.

There are some men who kick around the swing scene, even those who are in relationships, who don’t get this concept. Even in the physical presence of my husband they seem to think that because I am flirting with them they can bypass the husband and leave him in the corner. It is as if they feel that because he is standing by allowing his wife to entertain other men that he is somehow beneath them and not worthy of their courtesy.

These are the men who lose their privileges. Not because I am on a leash controlled by my husband but because my relationship and choices are deserving of respect. By disrespecting him you are disrespecting me. There have been a couple of situations in my life involving men who have professed a strong and enduring interest. My ego is attracted to them because it is an ego that loves to be stroked. But Mr Jones has been vocal about his mistrust and reluctance to see them enjoying me.

I find it hard to resist these men. I am a sucker for someone who is charming and they are charming. I also find it hard to give a hard and firm no. Which leads them to feel that I can be worn down. These men are all about the chase. They can spend years pursuing their target. One of these men has been in conversation with me for several years. During our most recent conversation I suggested that he discuss his ideas with Mr Jones. Ultimately he is the one who has to give his blessing to any encounter I have.

Here is where my prospective lover hit a snag. Or rather failed at the first hurdle. Despite having a few ways of contacting Mr Jones he failed to even attempt. And so his quest is thwarted by some male mental block that prevents him from asking another man for permission to fuck his wife. From acknowledging that another man holds the key to his fantasy.

This is not about me being submissive to my husband. It is about me giving my husband the respect he deserves. Respect he has earned through 20 years of marriage. Through building a family. Through being with me in my darkest days and celebrating my successes. My marriage and my relationship with him deserves to be respected and treated with courtesy by those who would be intimate with me.

Often people ask about rules. What rules do we have? What can and can’t be done. The truth is that there are no rules. Nothing is ever completely off the table. Nothing is out of reach of the right combination of people and the right set of circumstances. But the first step on the road is respect.

Respect my husband.

In the Bubble

When Mr Jones and I started our swinging journey our “rules” as they were, revolved around both of us being together at all times. It was important for us to stay in contact and to look out for the other. Over time our level of trust and understanding of how to avoid dangerous situations has grown. In line with that we have expanded our horizons and these days heading out on a solo date is part of our regular repertoire. Our concern for each other has not changed. Mr Jones is concerned for my safety and prefers to know where I am and what the plan is. Equally so I am concerned to know that he is OK and not being put in a position that will damage his confidence.

In line with our “rules” we typically sought out couples. I was not so interested in other women that I wasn’t interested in other men and Mr Jones was not so insecure in our relationship that he couldn’t bear the thought of me being with another man. So we swapped partners with other couples. I am sure long term readers of these pages have read about the complicated nature of finding a suitable couple. Often one “pairing” will work while the attraction between the other two partners is lukewarm or non-existant. The politics of the situation can also become a hassle.

Mr Jones and I are fairly open and honest in our communication with each other and we both try very hard to be the same with prospective partners. Sometimes they can’t pay us the same courtesy. When they make their way to the swinging table they bring with them a host of insecurities and sometimes downright toxic relationship behaviours that can make the situation awkward.

After a few encounters and even friendships that took that path we found ourselves pulling away from swinging with couples and the swinging lifestyle in general. My mental health also spurred this disconnect. I was taken up with surviving massive hormonal changes associated with menopause and the stress of my new career. Mr Jones’ confidence declined and consequently his interest in sex followed.

I started 2020 with the realisation that I had retreated into myself much too far and needed to push myself to get out and become more connected with people around me. 2020 was to be my year of socialising more.

Then Covid happened.

As we slowly come to terms with different ways of interacting and socialising Mr Jones and I had the opportunity to spend a weekend closeted in a huge country house with a few other couples who have the same ideas about marriage as us. That is we went to a swinger’s house party.

We hadn’t met any of the people in the group before but the Brisbane scene is not that big. We had a couple of mutual acquaintances with the hosts and had probably rubbed elbows with some of the others. In any case this was a completely new situation for us. We had attended house parties but not a whole weekend. We honestly didn’t know how it would turn out. Would it be a two day orgy? Would we come home completely shagged out, unable to walk? Would we be left in the corner while everyone partied on? Would we find the couple of our dreams and dissolve into a happy polyamorous future?

As it turned out none of the above happened. Sex was not even a big feature. Nudity was limited but that was more a function of the weather, which was a little cool. What happened was a lot of drinking, something I am not used to. A lot of talking, some naughty truth or dare type games, a naked spa session and an altogether great weekend in the company of people who perhaps could be described as our tribe.

One of the ways our “Hostess with the Mostess” described it was like being in a bubble. In fact I think she needs to copyright this term as it is an entirely accurate description of the environment she creates. While in her bubble, that she creates with her husband, you feel safe and loved and able to be yourself. There is no body shaming, there is no feeling of not fitting in. Mr Jones and I found ourselves immersing into experiences that we would not have had left to our own devices. We were comfortable enough to do our own thing but also join in when we wanted. For the first time in a long time we made connections with other couples that were not vanilla but not necessarily focussed around picking up. It was what we needed. Affirmation that we had value as people and we could be all of ourselves.

Always with Vanillas there is restraint. A need to hide something, often a fear that they will discover a secret and it will have repercussions on our children or our careers. Or a fear that they will be offended and launch a personal attack. Our recent experience with swingers has been in a club, in that environment the connection is based around sex and not usually much more. Without realising it Mr Jones and I had put ourselves in a place where we never fully connected. It wasn’t particularly a problem, but you never know what you don’t have.

As the weekend drew to a close I felt the imminent bursting of the bubble. It was a little sad. I am definitely looking forward to reconnecting with our new friends inside the bubble.

This post is part of Wicked Wednesday #432. To see who else is being wicked click on the image below

TMI Tuesday

1. Would you help pay for your own engagement ring?

It has been so long since an engagement ring was such a big feature of my life. I think these days when I am a fully fledged adult who has realised that engagement rings and things like that are merely tokens I am not really bothered by the size or grandeur of a piece of jewelry. In all honesty I would rather put my hard earned cash towards something that is going to be an income generator, or at the very least be useful.

2. Were you ever afraid to masturbate?

Afraid is not quite the right word. Shy is probably better. Or uncomfortable about my partners seeing or finding me. In all honestly I have had a fairly negative view of masturbating burned into my self conscious. For most of my life I thought about it as a desperate measure only to be taken if all other measures have been explored.

It was something I did when I couldn’t get sex or if the sex I did get was unsatisfying. So it wasn’t something I really wanted to talk about or share I have never liked the idea of anyone seeing me masturbate or even knowing when and how I do. About ten years ago I wasn’t working or studying full time and I had a fair bit of time to myself in a house that was empty. It was an amazing time in my life. I entertained guests and lovers frequently and I masturbated occasionally. These days I never seem to get a moment to myself but I am becoming more relaxed about masturbating in general.

3. These days what gives you most comfort?

These days the thing that gives me the most comfort is my daughter’s cat. Of course like all cats he doesn’t necessarily recognize who we designate as his owner as HIS owner. He shares his love around. But since the time he was very young I have loved the moments when he “climbs aboard” and parks his furry ass on top of me. His purr is quite loud and that is one of the most comforting sounds in the universe to me.

4. What is distinct about you?

The cheating answer here would be my boobs or my ass. Because they are out there and I get complimented on them regularly. And yes I know I will get likes if I post a picture of them. What is not so obviously distinct about me is my honesty. In my real life people often comment on my upfrontedness. I have learned over the years to keep some of my more obnoxious thoughts to myself but stress has a very degrading impact on my mouth-brain filter and so at the end of the term I find words flying out of my mouth that should have been checked at their inception in my brain.

Sometimes I hear the words flying out and I cringe. Other times I find myself thinking “well if the shoe fits…”

Bonus: What in the past week has given you immense joy?

The thing that is giving me joy is the thought that it is Week 9 of a 10 week term. In two weeks I will be on holidays. Actually in two weeks it will be my birthday and Mr Jones has agreed that I can purchase myself a new camera for my birthday. It has been a long time since I had an actual camera. And this one is very hardy and hopefully not going to succumb to being dropped in the water or other places like a couple of my phones have.

Bonus Bonus: I can’t help myself…. Boobs

This post is part of this week’s TMI Tuesday. Click on the icon below to see who else is sharing

Saturday Sex Interview – Highs and Lows

Question 1: Describe your worst all time sexual fail?

I honestly can’t think of one of these. I am sure I have had many occasions when I didn’t meet expectations, where things didn’t go according to plan etc etc. Most of my sexual fails have been emotional. The first time that Mr Jones and I “swung” would probably fall into this category.

We attended a swingers club, I was nervous and excited and of course as a woman in a short red dress, which Mr Jones approved, I got a lot of attention. I was set upon by a man who it turned out was essentially single. Long story short we ended up in a room with two people. My suitor achieved his goal of nailing the sexy woman in the red dress and Mr Jones ended up in the corner with a woman who was taking one for the team and really wasn’t interested in him.

I have learned a lot since then.

Question 2: Hottest sexual experience with someone who you never dated? (doesn’t have to be intercourse) Could be a hookup, incident, interaction.

I think the key thing here is the definition of dating. If you consider dating to be an exclusive romantic relationship, I haven’t had one of those for years. If you consider dating to be an emotional connection as well as a physical thing I would say that I date a lot. Some more in depth than others but in general if I don’t make a connection the sex is usually not that great.

Hottest sexual experience within an unconventional dating scenario. MMMF that Mr Jones organised for my birthday once. I was blindfolded and presented with three cocks. One was the male half of a couple that Mr Jones and I are friends with to this day, another was a non-relationship well endowed man and the third of course was Mr Jones. Much fun was had.

Question 3: One or two hottest things somebody has done or said – those moments that stick in your mind – the hot little highlights of your past? This could be something you just saw happen, or something you participated in.

Sometimes the hottest things are those that aren’t planned and aren’t expected. Quite a few years ago when Mr Jones and I were just starting to see other people solo but mostly playing in the couples swapping in the same room space I started talking to a man I met online. He was of course funny and charming.

We met for a coffee at a shopping center near where I live. When I left the house to meet him I was certain that I was not going to engage in any kind of sexual play. I was very, very new to solo dating. After we finished our lunch my new friend and I decided to spend some time window shopping. He had a definite plan and it came to fruition in the men’s change room of a large department store.

As I knelt in front of him, sucking his cock I was introduced to two things that I have always found extremely hot. A man holding my head and whispering to me what a good girl I am while his cock is deep in my throat.

The situation only added to it.

Question 4: Describe your most interesting sexual height or extreme. This could be the time your got the most wild, did the naughtiest –  longest, craziest, most over the top, most people involved, sluttiest, most sexual day – most partners in a day, your personal sexual Guinness record of some kind?

Once I went to this party. It was held in the basement of our friends’ house. I think there was about five couples including myself and Mr Jones. The party was to celebrate the birthday of the wife of the couple who were hosting. The husband liked the idea of his wife being the center of attention of everyone at the party. And he got his wish. I was part of the pile of women and men who worshiped the birthday woman at various parts of the night but during the night I also availed myself to every other person at the party. All of the men and all of the women!!

For the record Mr Jones also enjoyed one of his all time favourite evenings that night as well. One of the women took a shine to him and dragged him off into a corner for her own personal pleasure. She literally growled at anyone else who came near him. He enjoyed being the object of someone’s desire.