Consent and Dick Pics

I posted recently about my appreciation for a good dick pic. I absolutely stand by my appreciation for cock. That doesn’t mean I want to have images of cocks shoved in my face when I am not expecting them. Fortunately for me I associate with adults in most of the places I hang out, even online. Most of my followers seem to be fairly adult and understand the concept of asking for consent before launching a shot of their genitals at me.

During a conversation with a student, and subsequently my own daughter who is almost 18 it came to my attention that boys in that age bracket are not so adult. My daughter is not one of the “popular” girls. She is in fact a rather unique individual who very steadfastly walks to the beat of her own drum and tolerates only those who are willing to accept her the way she is. Consequently her Social Media presence and usage are quite different from the average teenager.

But this post is not about her. It is about the experiences of more ‘average’ 14 – 18 year old girls. Typically these girls are very much involved in Social Media. Most of them use Instagram and Snapchat and a large number of them also use Tick Tock. For many of these girls their social lives are lived through their stories, check ins and posts. A lot of their real world conversations are about what they saw on social media. Although these services have the capability to lock down privacy most of these girls don’t bother with keeping their content private. How can one generate attention when your privacy is locked down?

Clearly this behaviour can become a problem. If you are interested in finding out about the biology behind it you can read this article here. Something that a lot of people aren’t aware of is the way young men use open unprotected social media accounts to seek out girls. Boys find girls they haven’t met by searching contact, follower and friend lists of their friends or followers. When they identify a female name they introduce themselves in a way that whole heartedly confirms that we are descended from apes. They drop their pants, take out their phones and send a photo of their penis. 

A student told me recently that should receives somewhere around 3 – 4 unsolicited dick pics from boys that she doesn’t know per week!!!!

Every week!!!!

From boys she doesn’t know or has spoken to.

So she is 16 – 17 years old and definitely prone to exaggeration but even if she has inflated the number by doubling it that is still a lot of dicks.

Both the genitalia and the owners.

A colleague told me today that his daughter who is approximately 14 received an unsolicited dick pic from a boy at her school.

The school he also teaches at. Meaning this boy thought it was perfectly OK to expose himself and send a picture to an unsuspecting girl knowing that he would have to face her father at some time during his school day and every school day until he leaves that school.

I don’t get it. I mean these boys wouldn’t walk around the school yard with their dick hanging out so why send pictures to all and sundry without an invitation? It is the same thing. 

During the course of the conversation with my daughter we tossed around the idea that part of the problem is girls who don’t push back because they don’t want to discourage the cute boy who might be interested in them. While girls may feel pressured to accept the behaviour so they can get the attention of the cute boys none of this is OK.  

Ever.

As part of my job I am preparing a lesson or series of lessons discussing consent and trying to give teenagers, boys and girls, some tools to enter into the world of sexual activity with a level of confidence and control. A big part of this process is teaching about the idea of consent. In all honesty, for at least part of my audience, these lessons will be shutting the gate after the horse has well and truly bolted. 

Although I feel passionate about equipping young men and women with some factual information and hopefully introducing to some young brains the idea that asking for permission before throwing anything sexual at an unsuspecting person is the decent human thing to do. I am also realistic enough to know that one lesson is not enough. It is tempting for parents to avoid the icky uncomfortable topics like sex and relax in the knowledge that school has it covered. 

We don’t.

Behaving like a decent human doesn’t come from one lesson. It comes from a lifetime of seeing your family and significant people in your life behaving like decent humans. It comes from your father and your mother and any other significant adults telling you what is expected over and over. The person who learns from being told once is very rare. Most people, especially teenagers, need to be told many, many times.

Mothers of boys know that teaching their sons about appropriate penis use is a large part of raising a boy. First you have to teach him to aim at the toilet, then you have to teach your toddler to put their pants on before they go out in public. Then comes lessons about not walking around with their hand in their pants. After that comes the really important part, taking pictures of their penis and sending it to girls is also not OK. Neither is expecting that they have the right to shove their dick into whatever orifice takes their fancy. As tired as you are of talking to your boy about his dick and as stupid as it feels, it is necessary if any of this is going to get better. I have a 20 year old son and recently I found myself re-iterating some lessons about appropriate use of his penis. 

Fortunately the conversation was just a confirmation he had the situation well in hand; rather than an intervention to prevent an unintentional pregnancy as a result of a less than satisfactory relationship. But the point remains. Parents, you are never going to stop talking to your sons about their penis. Probably ever. Unless you want a phone call from a school about them sending dick shots to all the girls in the netball team. 

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday Roundup. If you want to check out who else is being wicked click the icon below.

I have also linked this post to 4 Thoughts or Fiction #157 Teachers. For some thought provoking erotica or just thought provoking ideas head on over and check it out.