When Mr Jones and I started our swinging journey our “rules” as they were, revolved around both of us being together at all times. It was important for us to stay in contact and to look out for the other. Over time our level of trust and understanding of how to avoid dangerous situations has grown. In line with that we have expanded our horizons and these days heading out on a solo date is part of our regular repertoire. Our concern for each other has not changed. Mr Jones is concerned for my safety and prefers to know where I am and what the plan is. Equally so I am concerned to know that he is OK and not being put in a position that will damage his confidence.
In line with our “rules” we typically sought out couples. I was not so interested in other women that I wasn’t interested in other men and Mr Jones was not so insecure in our relationship that he couldn’t bear the thought of me being with another man. So we swapped partners with other couples. I am sure long term readers of these pages have read about the complicated nature of finding a suitable couple. Often one “pairing” will work while the attraction between the other two partners is lukewarm or non-existant. The politics of the situation can also become a hassle.
Mr Jones and I are fairly open and honest in our communication with each other and we both try very hard to be the same with prospective partners. Sometimes they can’t pay us the same courtesy. When they make their way to the swinging table they bring with them a host of insecurities and sometimes downright toxic relationship behaviours that can make the situation awkward.
After a few encounters and even friendships that took that path we found ourselves pulling away from swinging with couples and the swinging lifestyle in general. My mental health also spurred this disconnect. I was taken up with surviving massive hormonal changes associated with menopause and the stress of my new career. Mr Jones’ confidence declined and consequently his interest in sex followed.
I started 2020 with the realisation that I had retreated into myself much too far and needed to push myself to get out and become more connected with people around me. 2020 was to be my year of socialising more.
Then Covid happened.
As we slowly come to terms with different ways of interacting and socialising Mr Jones and I had the opportunity to spend a weekend closeted in a huge country house with a few other couples who have the same ideas about marriage as us. That is we went to a swinger’s house party.
We hadn’t met any of the people in the group before but the Brisbane scene is not that big. We had a couple of mutual acquaintances with the hosts and had probably rubbed elbows with some of the others. In any case this was a completely new situation for us. We had attended house parties but not a whole weekend. We honestly didn’t know how it would turn out. Would it be a two day orgy? Would we come home completely shagged out, unable to walk? Would we be left in the corner while everyone partied on? Would we find the couple of our dreams and dissolve into a happy polyamorous future?
As it turned out none of the above happened. Sex was not even a big feature. Nudity was limited but that was more a function of the weather, which was a little cool. What happened was a lot of drinking, something I am not used to. A lot of talking, some naughty truth or dare type games, a naked spa session and an altogether great weekend in the company of people who perhaps could be described as our tribe.
One of the ways our “Hostess with the Mostess” described it was like being in a bubble. In fact I think she needs to copyright this term as it is an entirely accurate description of the environment she creates. While in her bubble, that she creates with her husband, you feel safe and loved and able to be yourself. There is no body shaming, there is no feeling of not fitting in. Mr Jones and I found ourselves immersing into experiences that we would not have had left to our own devices. We were comfortable enough to do our own thing but also join in when we wanted. For the first time in a long time we made connections with other couples that were not vanilla but not necessarily focussed around picking up. It was what we needed. Affirmation that we had value as people and we could be all of ourselves.
Always with Vanillas there is restraint. A need to hide something, often a fear that they will discover a secret and it will have repercussions on our children or our careers. Or a fear that they will be offended and launch a personal attack. Our recent experience with swingers has been in a club, in that environment the connection is based around sex and not usually much more. Without realising it Mr Jones and I had put ourselves in a place where we never fully connected. It wasn’t particularly a problem, but you never know what you don’t have.
As the weekend drew to a close I felt the imminent bursting of the bubble. It was a little sad. I am definitely looking forward to reconnecting with our new friends inside the bubble.
This post is part of Wicked Wednesday #432. To see who else is being wicked click on the image below