During my Saturday morning internet wandering I came across a post written by Marie Rebelle over at Rebel’s Notes. Even though the post was written in 2016 her words resonated strongly with me. The world of non – monogamy attracts a lot of different people including those who are not in relationships. As I wrote about in my last post Mr Jones and I have been existing in a place that is inhabited mostly by single men who are in many ways taking advantage of the availability of non – monogamous women.
These men are doing what men are programmed to do, spread their genes far and wide by getting as much sex as possible. The possibility of having sex with a woman like me is a double bonus. They get to scratch that primal sex drive itch with a willing, experienced and open minded woman PLUS they don’t have the pressure of having to maintain a relationship. For them it is winning all the way.
For me there are a lot of pluses, I can be as selective as I like; there really seems to be an endless parade if you are prepared to put it out there. I can call the shots because if what I want doesn’t suit one person there will be another who it DOES suit.
For a lot of men though there is also a primal need to be the Alpha in a situation. These men don’t want the commitment of a relationship but they also don’t like the idea that they are not the centre of a woman’s universe. One of the requirements I put on any encounter I have is that the man must respect my husband. This is something that many men are happy to comply with. They understand the incredible privilege they have been given and they act accordingly.
There are some men who kick around the swing scene, even those who are in relationships, who don’t get this concept. Even in the physical presence of my husband they seem to think that because I am flirting with them they can bypass the husband and leave him in the corner. It is as if they feel that because he is standing by allowing his wife to entertain other men that he is somehow beneath them and not worthy of their courtesy.
These are the men who lose their privileges. Not because I am on a leash controlled by my husband but because my relationship and choices are deserving of respect. By disrespecting him you are disrespecting me. There have been a couple of situations in my life involving men who have professed a strong and enduring interest. My ego is attracted to them because it is an ego that loves to be stroked. But Mr Jones has been vocal about his mistrust and reluctance to see them enjoying me.
I find it hard to resist these men. I am a sucker for someone who is charming and they are charming. I also find it hard to give a hard and firm no. Which leads them to feel that I can be worn down. These men are all about the chase. They can spend years pursuing their target. One of these men has been in conversation with me for several years. During our most recent conversation I suggested that he discuss his ideas with Mr Jones. Ultimately he is the one who has to give his blessing to any encounter I have.
Here is where my prospective lover hit a snag. Or rather failed at the first hurdle. Despite having a few ways of contacting Mr Jones he failed to even attempt. And so his quest is thwarted by some male mental block that prevents him from asking another man for permission to fuck his wife. From acknowledging that another man holds the key to his fantasy.
This is not about me being submissive to my husband. It is about me giving my husband the respect he deserves. Respect he has earned through 20 years of marriage. Through building a family. Through being with me in my darkest days and celebrating my successes. My marriage and my relationship with him deserves to be respected and treated with courtesy by those who would be intimate with me.
Often people ask about rules. What rules do we have? What can and can’t be done. The truth is that there are no rules. Nothing is ever completely off the table. Nothing is out of reach of the right combination of people and the right set of circumstances. But the first step on the road is respect.
Respect my husband.