Punishment or Consequence

I will start this post by stating that I am not in a D/s relationship and probably won’t ever engage in a formal D/s relationship, but I do sometimes employ some softer elements into my sexual play. Not the same thing I know.

For me submission is about relinquishing control. About not having to make decisions about what is going to happen. If someone is dominating me, I am free to focus on my response to the situation. I will say that my response to authority often features two extremes. I like to follow rules, I like structure. I will follow a rule and conform to a set of expectations while I think they are reasonable and the person issuing the rules is making them from a place of intelligence.

If I feel that the person issuing the rules is not intelligent or is making rules to suit their own stupid agenda, then my compliance is at best sullen and more frequently bratty and devious. Like all people I will look for a loophole or straight out defy. It is a very childish response, but I have been known to flip the bird behind the back of someone in authority when they give an instruction, I find particularly irritating.

During sex I will sometimes comply with a reasonable request. If I feel it has been framed appropriately. On the flip side I sometimes like to be in control, call the shots and put my partner into positions and situations that I choose. I am turned on by having power over someone. If they resist, they will earn themselves a spank in the moment but not a fully constructed punishment.

For me, discipline and punishment are not things that are part of my sex life. They are part of my vanilla life. I am a teacher, discipline is a daily thing for me. But not in the way that most people think. When I think of discipline, I think of maintaining a routine and a set of expectations. Students, and humans in general, are compliant when they know what to expect. Most people will be much calmer and happier if they have a good understanding of what they can expect when they take a certain course of action. To me discipline is about being consistent in your response to a situation.

My daughter explains to people regularly, “When Mum says no it is no.” This is a big part of being disciplined. Having a consistent set of responses to situations. Following a particular way of thinking consistently; making a plan or set of rules and sticking to it. Sometimes it is hard and tiring to do that. It is tempting to short cut the rules or the plan. Doing this will result in hardship later. People in your charge will become unruly and difficult to handle if they know they can get you to change an unpopular policy simply by questioning, whining or having a tantrum. It takes effort to enforce a plan at the start but over time that enforcement becomes habit and is easier. It is met with less resistance amongst the troops because they see the plan working in everyone’s favour.

Punishment has never been a feature of my life as a Sex Goddess, a teacher or a parent. Consequences is the approach I use. When my own children were small I would often say to them;

“You can do that if you want to but if you do then X is going to happen”

This then becomes part of the discipline circuit. A consistent set of rules and follow through. I stated how I would respond, and they can make their own choice. In a classroom the same thing happens. Once I had a student who would invariably ask “So what are we doing?” just when I had finished giving the instructions and everyone was getting on with the task. It drove me bananas. The class knew it and they all conformed to listen when I was explaining the task, except him.

One day I remember him starting to ask the inevitable question and his new girlfriend shushing him as the words started. She hurriedly repeated the instructions and urged him to get on with it. She understood the discipline thing even if he didn’t. Perhaps the consequence of not complying with her was more dire for him than not complying with me. Whatever, that habit did change with her help. Teenage boys really do think with their small brain most of the time.

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People sometimes ask if I am the dominant in my relationship with Mr Jones. The answer is a very firm no. I don’t believe that kind of dynamic would be healthy in OUR relationship. I have no doubt he would very much enjoy it. He doesn’t like making decisions and having someone calling all the shots would make his life much easier. As I explained I spend my day making the decisions and calling the shots for a bunch of teenagers. It is exhausting. I don’t want to come home and do the same thing.

2021 in the classroom for me is about a bit of tightening in the discipline department. One of my classes this year is a year 7 class. They are in their first year of high school and traditionally are unruly and have an inflated sense of their own importance. Consistent expectations and consequences are important in training them to navigate high school successfully and with minimal drama.

This post is part of the current 4 Thoughts or Fiction meme “Discipline and Punishment” To see some other thoughts on the topic head click on the image below.

4Thoughts

Author: gemmi72

Wife, swinger, blogger. An ordinary woman living life one day at a time dealing with the complications of moonlighting as a sex goddess.

12 thoughts on “Punishment or Consequence”

  1. I’ve lost count of the number of times people told us our kids were well behaved (while theirs ran riot) – and of course the stupid thing is that it’s not rocket science, is it. Kids need boundaries, and concequences, and consistency. The real bugger is when they try to play you off against one another, and you’re not sure what your partner has said 🙂

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    1. It isn’t rocket science but it does require effort. Which is where people fall down. It is easier in the short term to give in to the tantrum and keep a child happy. The problem is that in the long term you end up with an eight year old or worse a teenager, who thinks having a tantrum is a valid negotiation technique.

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  2. This is a very interesting post though I urge you not to think of things as being in one extreme or the other. Being in a D/s relationship myself, there are things that I maintain control over, and things that my husband does. For example, I know without a shadow of doubt that there are certain words that I don’t use (because I can be rather opinionated about certain people, shall we just say!) but when it comes to the bills, the home decor and what we want to eat, that largely falls to me. In D/s relationships, it is not always all-or-nothing and it can be absolutely anything you want, or even nothing at all. If you want it to be in the bedroom only, that’s fine. If you want it to be in other areas of your life as well, that’s cool too. We are very non-typical in how our dynamic looks and works, and you better believe that I can be a gobby little madam to him (and get away with it!) but it’s what works for us and when the sun goes down, I still know that I don’t dare fret about how much money we have because I need only ask for some more. Don’t give things a label if you want to, or do if you desire. Even if you just say “we like to be a little bit kinky sometimes”, that’s absolutely fine. Most importantly, please, please don’t ever feel the need to justify yourself to everyone else. Whatever you like and whatever you do is A-okay.

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    1. Thank you so much for your words. I really appreciate them. I guess my perspective in writing this post is knowing that the prompt comes predominantly from the perspective of relationships that do have a formal element involving punishment of the submissive by the Dominant where mine does not. I guess I just wanted to share my philosophy about discipline in a more vanilla way.

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      1. We don’t have punishments because we don’t want punishments, simple as. “Funishments” (spanking for fun etc) are something we have because we enjoy them, but not punishments. We have grown-up, level conversations when there is a problem, it’s just what we prefer to do. Don’t give the time of day to what anyone else thinks, as long as you and your partner(s) are happy.

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  3. Really enjoyed reading this. I too can not stand it if rules are not intelligently put together and then I will defy – if i am more experienced or intelligent than the person ‘in charge’ – then once again I defy them.
    May x

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  4. Thanks for sharing such a refreshing and interesting perspective. Loved your comment about having already spent your day calling the shots for a bunch of teenagers! Made me chuckle x

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    1. Thank you. I meet them in a week and it is playing on my mind a lot. Last time I had this particular year level it was an extremely difficult class and it was not a fun year.

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