Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 26

In my last post, masturbation, I spoke about my asexual upbringing. I lived on a farm. Everything was about reproduction but sex was not allowed. Rather, enjoying sex was not allowed. At least for the teenagers. The adults. I have no idea. At the time when I made choices about my education and earlier jobs I felt I was following the expected path. Get a university degree, get a good job. My mother is a control freak. For all of my life, including my life as an adult she did her best to be in charge of the decisions I made and to keep me in the mould she had determined made a ‘good daughter’. I could probably write a book about the ways she tried to manipulate me.

The education and the job led me to a place a six hour drive away. In hindsight it probably wasn’t far enough. Despite the distance she still tried to influence all of my choices and so the stupid Catholic, abstinence based ideas about sex continued to haunt me. My true sexual nature and my upbringing continued to wrestle with each other for a very long time. In some ways they still do. My current feelings about my ‘number’ are testimony to that.  

But I lucked out. I met Mr Jones. Sex was a feature of our relationship very early on and the way that he encouraged me to express my sexuality was exactly what I needed. I had found a person who encouraged me to dress and act sexy instead of shaming me for it. He encouraged me to be nude and be proud of my body. Cheeky nude photos in the outdoors were a feature of our relationship from the beginning. When children came along our sex life struggled. Actually our marriage struggled. There was a man I almost had an affair with and then a long dark time of guilt. 

But we made it through. And then we opened our marriage. The journey through the opening up has not been without its problems but together we have worked through it because we both knew that it was right for us. Our journey has always come back to a simple touch stone. What the other person needs and how we can make that work for us.

When I started writing this piece I was thinking that the thing I was most grateful for was my open marriage. But as I wrote I realised it went deeper than that. The thing I am most grateful for is Mr Jones. 

3 thoughts on “Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 26

  1. As a man, it has pained me deeply to learn how women have been mindfucked into not, well, being the way they want to be, to put it that way. I have known and been involved with so many women who, again, have stories just like yours and trying to get them to believe that it’s okay to be yourself and in whatever way that means to you. Parents often do more harm than good to their children by trying to mold them in their own images and based upon how they grew up as children themselves.

    I had to climb in my late son-in-law’s ass one time because he was trying to make my daughter stop masturbating and I knew that because she called me to tell me how bad it making her feel with him insisting on this. I told him that I didn’t raise her to not be or do whatever she needs and wants to do and, well, don’t make me come down there. Leave her alone and let her be… her.

    Shit like this pisses me off something fierce. I know this happens but I also know that when something like this happens to a woman early in her life, it will affect the entirety of her life until she can get past it and I feel she has to and by any means necessary. If that’s being in an open relationship and being with someone who understands that it’s okay to be sexual, then that’s what has to be done. Do it. Revel in it and especially the freedom from prudish sexual beliefs that, again, parents lay on us. My dad told me to never put my mouth on a girl’s pussy but didn’t say why. Ten minutes after that, I had my mouth on a girl’s pussy.

    And I’m bisexual so you know the other thing I was told never to do. I know why my parents said and did the things they did and they weren’t 100% wrong… but they weren’t right either. But I’ve seen men undergo similar mindfucking, too, so it’s not just women – it’s that women get slut-shamed “right out of the gate.”

    I am beyond pleased to see that you were able to break that conditioning because, sadly, a lot of women can’t and it continues to haunt and suppress them even when they know they shouldn’t be.


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