While I was living at sea last year I never sunbathed in a bikini. By August I had an excellent tan, especially considering how fair my skin is. I was particularly proud of having no tan lines. Coming out of the Southern Hemisphere winter I am lamenting the loss of colour on the parts of my body that are normally covered. I am also struggling to get enough time in the sun to rejuvenate my tan. Over this weekend there was ample opportunity for sunbathing but the presence of families with children required a certain level of modesty. And now I have tan lines.
In my TMI Tuesday post this week I mentioned that something that I have been struggling a lot with recently is mental health. I am OK. I am not having suicidal thoughts or needing immediate professional help. So what is happening to me? Why do I say I struggle?
Firstly I will quickly go over symptoms. For me I know things are not right when I feel like falling asleep at times when I wouldn’t normally. Driving home after work (this one is a little scary). In the middle of the day, or feeling like I need to go to bed really early. Often this is accompanied by some kind of insomnia. There are other things that alert me as well. Short fuse, easily frustrated and inability to concentrate on one task at a time.
Recently I have struggled to post. I simply cannot focus to put words on a page. I have ideas, I start a story and then I get distracted by something shiny in the corner. And so my readers have been left to their own devices. As they say “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” I, my friends, am going straight to hell. Maybe there are a couple of other reasons but good intentions is a big part of it.
In the comments to my post someone mentioned that they didn’t see me as a person who struggles. They felt I was one of those people who always had their shit together and seemed so confident. My response to him was that I was very good at faking it until I made it. Apparently this results in people thinking I have my shit together. I am here to tell you all it is a lie. I am just very good at getting my game face on. Except when I don’t. One of my students commented to me the other day that I seemed to “Have my Karen on.”
Out of the mouths of babes.
Someone a bit smarter than me once told me that you should always be kind to people. You never know the struggles they have in their lives. The person who has the amazing hair and always looks completely put together had to get up five times to a sick toddler last night. The woman who bakes every thing in her child’s lunch box from scratch is struggling with an elderly parent who is transferring from living independently to a care facility. Everyone has something in their life that challenges them. Everyone needs some kindness in their day.
And so there are parts of my life that aren’t easy. Some of it is related to my present, a lot is related to my past and some of it is my brain chemistry. But I am working on it. And I am OK.
The questions this week were multiple choice answers but in the nature of that kind of thing the choices weren’t quite right. So you all will just have my answers! Enjoy!
1. What are you focusing on in your life right now?
In my vanilla life I am focussing on my fitness and general health. There has been much discussion and focus on diet. Annoying but apparently you can’t eat what you want and stay slim.
In my sex life I have been exploring a few things. Some impact play with some friends and with Mr Jones wax play
2. Select one thing that you value most right now.
Forming good friendships both vanilla and spicy or even a vanilla friendship with spicy friends. There has been some upheavals with a couple of friends recently one of whom what a very long term friend. I am still reflecting on the events and conversations that led to the current state of affairs. I am not without blame of course but I have become more convinced that I don’t need drama lamas in my life right now.
3. Which type of well-being tool is of most interest to you?
The choices for this one were interesting
a. guided meditation b. life coaching workshops c. personal therapy d. social content
I am going to go with a little bit of a. because I don’t have the self discipline to meditate. Even weekly. I also think a little bit of c would be helpful but the whole drama of finding a practitioner blech. So here I am avoiding life coaching workshops and laughing disdainfully at social content.
4. On a scale from 1 to 5. How much are you enjoying your life?
This is interesting. There are things about my life that I could stab in the eye every day; my 50 minute commute is one of them. As explained earlier, certain people can go suck a dick. however I get to work with some cool people and my Young People surprise me every day. So I think I am enjoying my life about 3.5 out of 5.
5. What have you been struggling with lately?
Mental health is something that I have been struggling with. I find myself struggling with things I used to take in my stride and getting frustrated to the point of tears over some things. I don’t like it but it is a reminder to me to take better care of myself.
Bonus: On a scale from 1 to 5, how hopeful do you feel about the future?
I spend my working day attempting to educate the tradesmen and women of the future. Sometimes it is successful sometimes not so much. I guess you have to consider what the definition of success is. Am I confident I will be able to get my light switches upgraded and my toilet fixed in the future? Perhaps. At least as much as there will be a doctor intelligent enough to help me with my health problems and I won’t end up in a nursing home.
I regularly tell people I have a million people living in my house. While that is an exaggeration it drive home the point. Sexual antics in my house are not really a thing. In response Mr Jones built a play room in a back room of an industrial building we own. It has been a neat solution to the situation and from time to time has been given a good workout. As a birthday present Mr Jones got me a new addition. And it was installed this weekend.
My name is Layla my boyfriend’s name is Seb. We have been going out for about six months now and it has been great. Seb isn’t like the other boys he is quiet and kinda nerdy. He does nice things for me. Like the other day I was walking the the bus and the strap on my bag broke. My books went everywhere. People were pushing me as I tried to pick up my stuff then frigging Lucy Smythe called me a loser and stood there with her friends laughing at me. Seb came along and helped me. He picked up my books and carried my broken bag to the bus without saying anything. No one at school knows he is my boyfriend. We decided to keep it a secret because we didn’t want people giving us shit at lunchtime or writing stupid stuff about us on the toilet walls.
On the weekends I usually go to Seb’s house. We have the place to ourselves because his mum works at Big W and doesn’t get home until six. His Dad doesn’t live with them which suits Seb just fine. He says his dad is a loser. So I go to his place around lunchtime and we usually hang out in his room listening to the radio and talking. My Mum thinks we are studying and sometimes we do. Seb is amazing at science; he says he wants to do cancer research when he finishes school. I just want to pass and get a job.
So we hang out in his room and listen to songs on the radio. Sometimes we lie on his bed and he puts his arm around me. The first time we kissed I had to kiss him. He is really shy but it was nice, soft and gentle, not trying to eat my face like some of the other boys I dated. When he touches me it is like he is afraid he is going to hurt me. He slips his hand inside my shirt and strokes my boob through my bra. Honestly some days he goes so slow and soft I feel like I am gonna turn inside out. One day I unzipped my jeans and pulled them down so he could put his hand inside my knickers. He was so shocked but I could see in his eyes that he really wanted to. When he touched me there it was the weirdest feeling. I had never let a guy do that before. Stupid Josh Patterson had tried to grope me through my jeans once when he was drunk at a party but I kicked him in the nuts. We broke up after that.
Seb’s dick is amazing. The first time I held it I was so shocked at how something could be so warm and soft and still hard at the same time. I love stroking it and playing with the stuff that comes out of the end when he is hard. One day I pulled back his foreskin and kissed the tip. I thought it would taste yuck but it didn’t taste like much at all just a bit salty, he smelled like soap. Afterwards he told me he always showered just before I came so he would smell nice for me. After I kissed the tip like that I kind of sucked him into my mouth. He groaned so loud I thought his brother was going to come in to see what was wrong. After that we turned the radio up a bit louder, just in case. He wouldn’t let me suck him for too long. He was worried he was going to cum and he didn’t know if I would like that in my mouth. I was glad about that. I don’t think I would like it in my mouth either.
Last week we were lying on his bed and he was kissing me. His hand went down into my jeans. I helped him a bit and unzipped them for him. He was feeling brave and pushed them right down and my knickers as well. He watched my face as he started to feel around down there. He has learned a little bit about what to do there and he knows where to put his fingers to make me feel good. This day he played with my clit a little bit then he put his fingers inside me. I tried not to make a noise but I couldn’t help myself. I reached down and put my hand inside his jeans. His dick was hard as a rock. I put my fingers around and moved my hand up and down the way he liked.
“Would you like it if I put that inside you instead of my finger?” he asked me quietly.
I thought for a moment. “I dunno,” I kept moving my hand and he began to move his fingers in and out of me.
“OK,” he said. “I just wanted to tell you that I would like to do that with you. But we don’t have to.”
He put his thumb on my clit. He had found that little move on the net and had tried it on me the week before. I wasn’t sure if I liked it then but this day I loved it. I thought about his dick inside me. I was scared and excited about it at the same time. All the things I had read in magazines and heard the girls at school say made me think it wouldn’t be that great. Some people even said it hurt. But then if it wasn’t that great how come so many people wanted to do it all the time. The people in the movies always looked like they were having a great time. I trusted Seb. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me and I was starting to think I loved him.
“Have you got a thing?” I asked. I didn’t want to say the word. Last year for a joke someone had blown up some condoms and used them as balloons at Julie Bank’s party. When I touched them they felt disgusting.
“What?” he frowned.
“You know,” I felt embarrassed, “A thing for your dick.”
The frown disappeared. “Well I hope you don’t mind but yes I do.” He reached into his bedside table and pulled out a box. It was opened.
“Did you already use one?” I asked.
“Only for practise,” he looked sheepish. That was so Seb; the ultimate boy scout, prepared for everything.
He took out a little square packet and put it on the bed between us. Suddenly I felt more scared than I had ever felt and at the exact same moment more excited than ever. He pulled his jeans down so that I could see his dick properly. He was so hard and a little bead of wet stuff shone at the tip.
“Do you want this?” he held up the packet.
I opened my mouth. All the warnings from the sex-ed teachers and my parents to wait and not be one of ‘those’ girls flashed before my eyes. Then I looked into Seb’s eyes and all I could think about was his gentle hands that had never hurt me and how when I was with him I felt like nothing could touch me. “Yes,” I whispered.
He ripped open the packet. It seemed like everything went in slow motion. His hands were shaking as he took out the little rubber wheel and put it over his dick. I pulled down my jeans. They got caught over my ankles and I had to bend down to ease them off. When I straightened up he was lying there naked except for the rubber covering his dick. I felt so awkward and didn’t know where to lie or put my hands until he took my hand and pulled me close to him. We were both breathing hard and he was shaking so much. He rolled on top of me taking his weight on his hands and looking down at me. I could feel his dick between my legs pressing against my thighs.
“Are you ready?” he asked as he kissed me.
“Yes,” I answered straight away. I was never more ready for anything.
He moved a little, “You need to open your legs further,” he whispered.
“Oh yeh,” I felt so frigging awkward. Like when I was trying to learn to ride a bike. How did the people on the TV make this look so easy?
“It’s OK.” Seb kissed me again. “It doesn’t matter what happens I will still love you.”
He reached down and I could feel him fumbling a little with himself then I felt his dick pressing against me. It wasn’t anything like his finger. I felt myself stretching a little as he pressed against me, it stung but at the same time I wanted it so much. He pressed into me a little more,
“Is this OK?” his face had a weird look of concentration and concern on it.
“Yes,” I reached up and stroked the side of his face. He pressed harder and I felt him easing inside me. I whimpered a little at the sting but at the same time I felt amazing. I kissed him as he pulled out and pushed back in. He started moving faster, in and out. He was touching me in ways he had never done before. I forgot the sting and got caught up in the rhythm. His eyes were closed and he made little grunting noises as he pressed into me. I could feel something building up in me it was intense. My mind was whirling around trying to take in all the things that were happening to me.
Seb moaned and I felt him go stiff on top of me. Between my legs I could feel him pulsing and then he relaxed on top of me. He lay there for a few moments panting. “That was amazing,” he kissed me and stroked my face. I wriggled a little under him, he was getting heavy.
“Sorry,” he muttered and rolled off me. “Hang on,” he got of the bed and pulled to condom off. I watched him as he cleaned himself with a tissue. My hand reached down and I felt around my vag and clit. When I touched myself I felt how huge I was and I groaned a little.
“Here let me help you,” he lay down beside me and touched me. I lay back and let him stroke me. I have never cum so hard as I did then.
Afterwards we lay holding each other too stunned to think. My mind was almost splitting open with what we had done. The Little Mix song “Change Your Life” was playing on the radio.
1. Just curious. If you are in an open relationship, would it bother you if your partner’s new lover sent you pics of them together? Why or why not?
If I was unaware that he HAD a new lover and I got a random pic on my phone it would be a little disturbing. Just because of the surprise value. Otherwise I absolutely welcome it. I love the idea of Mr Jones having a good time and the affirmation I know he would enjoy if he had sexy time with someone else.
2. What is the rudest thing someone can do in your home?
I tend to be fairly selective of people that I invite into my home. So I haven’t had random people do rude things much. I think the rudest thing would be to show disrespect to the other people who live here. We have several “layers” of people living here; my daughter, my parents in law and another long term friend. All of these guys have very different perspectives of us and so anyone who comes into our house needs to respect them and their needs / right to be comfortable in THEIR home.
3. What would you change, if anything, about your experience growing up?
I would change where I went to primary school. I was home schooled, essentially because my mother didn’t want to be tied to a routine that either involved us being at home at a certain time every day to participate in school of the air or her driving 15 – 20 minutes to meet a bus to take us to the local school.
The outcome of her choices was that when I started high school and for the first time was dealing with a regular classroom I had no idea how to socialise. It caused me great distress and the five years of high / boarding school was traumatic.
4. The absolute worst fight you have ever had with a significant other, what was it about?
One of the hallmarks of Mr Jones’ and my marriage is that we don’t really fight. There isn’t a lot of yelling and sleeping on the couch. Moments of tension definitely happen, along with differences of opinion and at times we do hurt each other. But they get resolved, eventually. Usually without a screaming match or any crockery getting broken.
In the early days of young children and establishing the relationship there was tension around the amount of sex or affection between us. Without going into details there was an imbalance and my history of being made to feel guilty about EVERYTHING made me feel defensive. In true form, no one ever heard us yelling at each other and no one slept on the couch.
5. What is your favourite place to visit in your city or town.
Brisbane is right next to Moreton Bay. So within a couple of hours we can be in a pristine part of the world with a few other select people who own a watercraft and feel a million miles away. How can you not love that?
Bonus: Were you your mom or dad’s favorite kid?
I don’t think so. I was the eldest so I was the one who was expected to be responsible and set an example etc etc. Preferential treatment was always given to my younger brother. These days, as far as I am aware, I don’t even feature in the will.
As part of my recent birthday celebrations Mr Jones, a few friends and I booked a hotel suite on the Gold Coast. We spent an excellent evening watching a local cabaret followed by drinks, chatting and general debauchery in our room. One of my friends changed into a zentai suit for the later part of the evening which was interesting. It reminded me of Deadpool, who for the record is very sexy.
When I got up in the morning I was greeted with the Deadpool suit reaching through an internal window towards the remnants of the party in the kitchenette. It seemed he needed some sustenance to come back to life!
As part of the push to complete posts I started but didn’t finish I bring you a reflection about an encounter I had recently.
“Tea and Consent” was a big part of the way I educated No 1 Son and The Unicorn about sex and consent. For me teaching my Young People about consent was more important than teaching them about STI’s or giving them guidance about when is a good time to have sex. For a few years “Drunk people don’t want tea was a mantra that embedded the idea of informed consent.
In my lifestyle consent is important. Swinging events, parties and clubs can be chaotic. People find themselves in situations that have only ever existed in their fantasies. Standard boundaries around monogamy are thrown out of the window. “Normal” ideas about what is acceptable behaviour are challenged and can become confused. To make things even more complicated every single person has a different set of expectations and ideas about how certain situations will play out. On the surface safety, in particular safe sex, seems to be a pretty standard expectation but again there are differences in expectations and plans don’t always become reality. Alcohol is a big part of the mix. Many people drink to relax and “get more in the mood” especially if they are new or nervous. But sometimes it is hard to pace yourself and the line between relaxed and social and too intoxicated to make a properly informed decision is hard to see and even harder to avoid crossing.
Recently we observed an interaction between two couples, Mr and Mrs A and Mr and Mrs B. Both professed to be experienced. You would think that being experienced their communication would be clear and their respect for other people would follow suit. You would think. Mrs A was hot. Walk in the room and get instant attention from everyone hot. She also proceeded to drink a fair bit. The jury is out about how much Mr A drank but I suspect he was the more responsible one of the duo.
Mr and Mrs B were fairly restrained. Mr B was also irritatingly opinionated about “lack of action” “people being conservative” yada, yada. He didn’t respond to being challenged by an older, more confident and some would say less attractive woman but when Mrs A walked into the room he was all over her. Mr Jones and I decided to depart before he irritated me even more and I said something I would truly regret.
As we were standing in the bar chatting to some friends we were surprised by Mrs A rushing up to us frantically proclaiming that Mr A was outside “losing his shit” because Mr B had been fucking her without a condom. One of the staff departed to deal with the situation as Mrs B arrived and started proclaiming that she hated this kind of drama. That people who don’t have their relationship sorted should really not come to places like this et cetera ET CETERA.
She is right. Drama like that has no place in a swing club. People who don’t communicate well in their relationship and have a good understanding of where the other is at really shouldn’t be swinging. Public arguments make everyone feel awkward and they rarely solve any problems. But the flip side of things was not being considered here. Mrs A was drunk and this man had taken the opportunity to have sex with one of the most attractive women in the room. I am certain he didn’t ask her if it was OK to not use a condom. Because, given the way things had panned out she would have told him that isn’t part of their rules. If he didn’t want to ask the default should have been to wear one. That is the standard procedure. Anyone who has been around as much as they were proclaiming to be should know that.
Was the drama justified? Not really. Drama never is. Were his actions acceptable behaviour? Definitely not. He didn’t ask for or consider her feelings or consent. He didn’t consider her drunkenness as a sign that she could not give enthusiastic, clear and informed consent. In a lot of ways he deserved the reaction he got.
Yes this is the second instalment for today. You have to ride the motivation when it takes you.
1. Who here plays Wordle? Have you every solved wordle in one play?
Sometimes, and no. I like word games like Bananagrams and Scrabble but when I am idling on my phone Wordle doesn’t just tick my boxes.
2. Any Candy Crush addicts?
I used to be. I just got a bit bored with it. I still have the app on my phone though.
3. Anyone still engaging in Angry Birds fighting?
Wow I suck at these questions!
4. Do you Sudoku?
I actually do enjoy a good sudoku. I have giant book of them that I work on when I am out sailing. Another crazy puzzle in the same book is Kakuro. Addictive and frustrating.
5. Have you ever done an Escape Room? Did you like it?
I haven’t had the opportunity but there is one that is near me. The Unicorn went there with her friend and thoroughly enjoyed it. I am thinking I might drag Mr Jones along.
6. Are jigsaw puzzles your jam? How many pieces was the last jigsaw puzzle you did? What was the largest jigsaw puzzle you completed?
I really do like a good jigsaw. If only they didn’t take up so much space. The largest one we have ever done as a family was 1500 pieces. It took us a while!
Bonus: Is your brain sexy? How so?
Yes. Because being smart is sexy. Because being confident is sexy. Because thinking creatively about sex is sexy. Like this shot I took last night while doing my flexibility training.
Earlier in the year Mr Jones and I dipped our toe into the world of lifestyle camping weekends. Odd that in our long journey we have never really pitched a tent and spent an entire weekend with 50 or so other like minded people. Smaller groups for an entire weekend yes. This many naked, drinking, partying, and fucking people? No. The experience was unique and in many ways positive. We kept our minds open and so when another opportunity in a slightly different setting arose we took the chance. One of the experiences we opened ourselves up to was some UV highlighted wax play. It was more of a performance than a BDSM session but it has made me wonder and take firmer steps towards perhaps dabbling in this kind of thing.
Corrupting Mrs Jones 