TMI Tuesday – Cheating and Lovers

Photo by Talles Alves on Unsplash

1. You unexpectedly had sex with your friend’s partner. You feel guilty. Your friend’s partner keeps texting you begging you not to say anything about the two of you having sex. Would you tell your friend or keep mum?

I am not sure how you unexpectedly have sex. Every scenario I come up with involves some kind of pre-exisiting desire. Even if it is suppressed. So “unexpectedly”? You tell yourself what you need to. Before I sat down to write this I read Kdaddy’s thoughts on the situation. Some of his experiences made me consider that unmistakable attraction you sometimes have for a person, even when you know they are out of bounds. I have had that happen to me but I am fortunate that I had Mr Jones to save me from myself.

So I honestly can’t imagine being in the situation described. I do get into situations with men who are cheating on their partner. The “don’t tell” part of this scenario is very real here. I am also very clear on my position on this. I won’t tell but I will also not fuck you. People have this idea that their partner won’t find out when they cheat. Really? What does that say about the relationship they are trying to preserve if the partner doesn’t have some inkling that things are not as they should be. They will find out. Some day. Even if it is after you realise things aren’t right and you leave. When they do find out they will understandably be pissed and want to lash out. Not just at their cheating partner but also at their “friend” who aided and abetted. I am not up for being in the firing line for your dalliance. And so if you are cheating it won’t be with me. I don’t lie to my husband I am sure as shit not going to lie to your wife / husband either.

Given that my answer to question 1 was so long I have decided to skip question 2.

3. Do you think couples should argue regularly for a happy relationship or marriage?

The long term partner I had before Mr Jones and I was quite a bit older than I. I was also quite a bit younger and less grown up. Close to the end of our relationship I remember being very frustrated because he never fought back when I attacked. His response, “I just don’t argue, I don’t believe in it”.

I left him soon after that.

If what you believe or your own feelings aren’t worth fighting for then you aren’t much of a person.

I am also going to skip question 4. There is too much depth in this post already.

Bonus: If you were asked, “Why do you keep meeting the wrong people on dating apps?” what would you respond?

Bit of a confusing question. Why do I keep meeting the wrong people?

Because I don’t make a conscious choice to pursue what I exactly want and just deal with whatever comes along.It doesn’t mean I necessarily take what comes along but it does mean that I am fishing in a reduced pool so to speak.

Why do others keep meeting the wrong people?

Dating apps, especially if you are a woman, require a lot of filtering. So they require you to make decisions on very superficial things like age, height etc. I always wonder if making those kinds of decisions will rob me of the chance to make an amazing connection. In a nutshell meeting people in person and getting a feel for the whole person is much better.

3 thoughts on “TMI Tuesday – Cheating and Lovers

  1. Someone outside of the two involved always finds out… “Two people can keep a secret if one is dead.” A partner will know, usually sooner than one thinks.

    Dating apps do indeed seem to focus on the superficial, you certainly can’t get to know someone on a deeper level at what is essentially a quick glance.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. If one can resist the temptation, this is a good thing. Some people just can’t and some are of a mind that resisting temptation is a major pain in the ass and begging forgiveness, well, okay, let’s do that even if and when we know that it’s not gonna happen.

    One of the things I learned about this is that we are so ashamed of our sexual desires that giving into temptation – and we know that we aren’t ever supposed to do that and more so when we’re already in a relationship – becomes an “instant dirty little secret” and, yeah, in my own defense, I learned to not be ashamed or even guilty about it. There are always consequences and, decades ago, I learned that I have to accept them and for better or worse… because to shy away from them is the greater offense.

    The dating app thing… crack me up because you’re supposed to make an informed decision about someone without any interaction with them other than how they present themselves on the app… and what you see might not be the truth of things. Plus, for women, the sheer glut of men on these apps – and those idiots “scamming” women into situations that they find not to their liking, has pretty much screwed up the original intent and purpose of the app.

    Liked by 1 person

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