Hello 3am

Image by Elf-Moondance from Pixabay

Earlier in the year I was chatting with a much younger work colleague about being awake at 3am. She was horrified that I seemed so casual about it until I assured her that 3am and I were old friends. I told her that a lot of the time it doesn’t bother me but sometimes stuff happens at 3am that keeps me awake for quite a long time and that can be a bit problematic the next day when people are expecting me to be functional. 

My journey to menopause was a little different from some people’s in that a lot of peri menopause symptoms were neatly masked by the contraceptive pill. In addition, I was quite young when I became menopausal (46 years old) so a lot of peri menopause symptoms that I experienced were not recognised as such. I was diagnosed with depression by my General Practitioner in my late thirties. He never even mentioned the possibility that it was probably linked to peri menopause. He probably didn’t even consider it. For several years I took the antidepressant Pristiq which is a desvenlafaxine class of drug and works by balancing the way your body processes serotonin. At the time when my GP diagnosed me an older friend who had experienced menopause told me that the symptoms I was experiencing could be related to pre or peri menopause. I didn’t talk to my GP about this and because he never mentioned it I just accepted his diagnosis. 

Insomnia has been a feature of my life for so long I can’t remember when it started. There seems to be this blur between having a toddler who didn’t sleep all night and dealing with young children who were ill during the night. Once the children were a bit older and sleeping better the snoring started. Mr Jones suffers from sleep apnoea. The snoring wasn’t loud but what was distressing was listening for his breathing to stop so I could jolt him back to breathing again. All in all I have had many reasons not to sleep well for so long that changes in sleep patterns as a result of peri- and post menopause were difficult to identify. 

While I was taking Pristiq I insomnia was an issue. If for whatever reason I was awake at 3am and didn’t go immediately back to sleep I would toss and turn sometimes for two or three hours only to doze for a short while before the alarm went at 5am to start the day. These sessions of wakefulness were made worse because I would worry the whole time because I knew I would feel like rubbish the next day. Sometimes I would make myself get up and do some kind of task, planning a lesson, ironing even writing. Often this would be enough to settle my mind and sleep would be easier. A lot of times I didn’t have the mental power to get myself out of a warm bed, dress and begin the task. These were the times I would toss and turn and ultimately be a mess the next day. Even while all this was happening I was blaming the depression. There was never any consideration that it could be my hormones.

After several years I went back to the same GP (doctor choice in my area is not great) and asked to change medication. Not because of the sleep but that is another story. He changed me to a medication called Valdoxan which works by mimicking the pattern of melatonin. Almost immediately I noticed some changes. I still had my eyes open to say hi to 3am regularly but it didn’t bother me as much as it used to. The small amount of sleep I sometimes got was enough. Around the same time I stopped taking the contraceptive pill and have not had a period since. A hormone screen confirmed that I am post- menopausal. 

Is the change in my sleeping due to the medication or the change in my hormones or a combination of both? Even if I stop taking this medication I will likely never know. My journey to menopause was unconventional and clouded by other issues. I was 46 when the GP confirmed my menopausal status which is quite young. This is probably why my doctor didn’t really discuss menopause as a contributor to my depression or sleep issues. Additionally, as I said earlier the area I live in is not populated well with affordable high quality doctors. Often a woman has to deal with being treated by a male doctor from a very conservative cultural background. This means discussing issues like reproductive health can be awkward. Mentioning unconventional lifestyles like non-monogamy can lead to some prejudice. 

It is unlikely that I will ever really be sure if my relationship with 3am is a result of a mental health condition or if it is related to menopause. I don’t know if my mental health condition is related to menopause. I don’t think I will ever get answers because the time for seeking them has passed. What I do know is that women sharing their stories in an honest open forum is probably the best way for us to learn about this issue and become empowered. By creating the menopause diaries Marie has given women a space to share their experiences and possibly learn from each other. 

The Menopause Diaries

Blending In

We spent the night in a bay of an island we had visited on our way north about four months ago. Like most of the thousands of islands that dot the Queensland coast this one is dominated by Granite and other volcanic rock forms. Once in pre-history they were part of the mainland. Once in the pre-history of THAT they were formed by volcanoes. The science teacher in me is loves to tell people about all that Mr Jones is often bemused by my fascination with rocks.

As we walked on the beach I was attracted to a boulder that looked like a sugar skull. As happens with so many places frequented by people the rock had smaller rocks placed in cavities formed by volcanic gas all those millennia ago (Did I mention that I love rocks?). This decoration is part of what made it look like a sugar skull.

As Mr Jones snapped he commented that I was blending in with the rock. I guess I am at the stage of my journey where I am starting to become part of the landscape.

Sinful Sunday

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 11

Would you ever visit a sex therapist? What would be the reason and what do you think their advice would be for you?

The short answer to this question is no. Even though I was diagnosed with depression by a General Practitioner and take medication for it I am quite reluctant to visit a therapist to discuss this condition. I can’t really define the reasons for this but I guess they are part of being in this mental state. I have started journaling both about my life as it is and my sexual life. They really are hand in hand so that is as it should be really. That is as close as I am going to get to a therapist for now. It is helping me to see things a little more clearly but as time goes by my dedication to journaling every day is slipping so the benefits are waning a little

So why would I visit a sex therapist? I think I would maybe visit one if I was in a poly relationship and there were issues. That isn’t really a sex therapist but that is the only sexual reason I would visit a therapist that I can identify. I have a friend who worked as a therapist for people in ‘alternative’ relationships. She is completely amazing and someone I hope I can spend more time with, in the future. I think she is the most likely person I would visit for therapy.

What would she tell me? Love yourself. Know your own value and don’t get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you as you are.

Oh wait

I gave that advice out earlier this week to a young woman who go into a bad situation.

Maybe I am a therapist

TMI Tuesday – Saturday Sex Hangover Edition

It has been a week. The wind and the seas have not been kind to us and we are now holed up in a marina waiting for the wind to drop. A few weeks ago I sent some possible questions to TMI Tuesday. I didn’t realise they were this weeks questions until I was catching up on my blog reading. So given they are my questions (at least in part) I thought I should give them some air time. A chance message yesterday led to a long sex session so my words may ramble a little today as my thinking is a little skewed.

1. What are your thoughts on public nudity or skimpy clothing?

This is a complex question for me. My stupid Catholic childhood conditioning still pokes its head up from time to time and makes me pass judgement on girls wearing shorts that show their arse cheeks and display their bodies in a sexual way. Then I find myself walking around my yacht nude without a care for the people who can see me.

Our bodies are all beautiful. Being nude in nature, such as at the beach or outdoors is part of the beauty and freedom of those places. Being nude at home is personal choice. No one should judge you for how you dress in your own home. If they don’t like what you are wearing or doing they shouldn’t be looking.

Social conventions state that when in public company we wear clothes. Besides clothes can be fun and also enhance your comfort level. However if what I am wearing is safe I don’t need to consider your ideas about modesty. If you don’t like my cleavage or my arse then don’t look!

2. Which of the following best describes you:
a. Exhibitionist
b. Voyeur
c. Keep nudity and things sexual behind closed doors

Definitely an exhibitionist. I like to do things that shock. I like people looking at me when I am nude or wearing something revealing. I like the feeling of power it gives me. And I love the idea that I am turning someone on.

3. What is the most revealing outfit that you have ever worn in public?

I do pole dance for fitness. I frequently wear clothing that shows my arse and my cleavage. A couple of years ago I did a class that was more about floorwork than pole and for our graduation performance we did a semi strip. I loved it.

4. There are only two types of beaches left in the world–clothing optional and must be clothes-free. Which beach will you visit?

Must be clothes free. Because being nude at the beach is amazing. Although I can do without the creepy middle aged men who think a nude beach is a valid pick up zone.

5. You have just gotten out of the shower to find that your towel is hanging outside on the clothesline. Your house is full of guests. Do you:
a. Call out for someone to bring your towel.
b. Use something else to dry yourself.
c. Retrieve your towel as inconspicuously as possible wrapping it around you at the earliest chance.
d. Take advantage of the sunshine and dry yourself au naturale in your backyard.

I am going with c. although I probably wouldn’t worry too much about being inconspicuous. As I stated in question 1. If you don’t like how I am dressed when I am at home then don’t freaking look. Or as Pete Symes says “If you don’t like my peaches then don’t shake my tree”

Bonus: Have you ever skinny dipped or visited a nude beach? Pictures would be awesome!

I have visited a couple of nude beaches in my travels. Or is that I have been nude at beaches regardless of the dress code? Meh Potato Potahto. We did visit an “official” nude beach at Magnetic Island. The beach was beautiful in the extreme. The patrons of the beach were friendly enough although I was the only nude female and there was the usual contingent of creepy middle aged men. Including one wearing a cock ring??

Something about rocks at the beach they are so warm.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 9

If you were to “recreate” the early days of your favourite sexy relationship, what would they look like? Would you change anything?

Both Mike from Marriage, Sex and More and Rebel from Rebel’s Notes commented to me that they found Question 8 challenging. I must admit that I felt the same way, but I was more challenged by this question. When I reflected about my potential answers, I realised that my favourite sexy relationship is often the most recent. I think it is human nature to want what you cannot have rather than appreciate what is easily available. And so, when a sexual partner becomes unavailable the amount of pleasure you remember having with them is increased.

This was definitely the case with Pet. For a long time after he departed from my life, I was always looking back at what we had and hoping to find someone equal to him. While we did some amazing stuff, and I had a very enjoyable time over quite a long period if I was honest there were times that were not perfect. Particularly towards the end of our time together I knew it was winding down and becoming routine. I remember thinking after one encounter that our relationship was reaching the end of its shelf life. Yet when he pulled the pin unexpectedly with no explanation it was suddenly the best sexy relationship ever had.

Pet loved wearing my knickers and I loved seeing him in them.

The same sort of thing happened with JB. I absolutely loved being part of his awakening and giving him the opportunity to experience things he had only fantasised about for so long. He was a very caring and generous lover. But again, after a time I knew my attention was going to wane and again he withdrew unexpectedly and suddenly, and I was left feeling like I had been deprived.

As time goes by and new people enter your life the old people who have departed fade into the background. The same applies with sexual relationships. The best sex is the sex you are having now with the person you are with. For me anyway. I know that there is bad sex and I have had plenty of that but somehow, I still feel that connection with the last lover as if they are the best. From a biological point of view, I can understand there is probably some body chemistry that makes you feel this way. It is nature’s way of tricking you into staying with your mate long enough to raise the offspring you are creating.

So, what does all this have to do with the question? Everything and nothing. I guess the short answer is that I don’t have an exact favourite or, rather, they are all favourites. Would I change any of them? Probably not. They have all been experiences and that is what this lifestyle is about for me.

Morning Glory

I am a morning sex person. There is something about the freshness of morning that makes sex natural free and unencumbered before the events of the day create baggage.

I woke up and spooned Mr Jones for a while as my hand wrapped around his cock. While he wasn’t entirely hard he soon was. Then he was awake. We fucked for a while and then I decided to get out of bed. Not before he asked me to lie on his chest.

Not a bad view to wake up to.

Find out who else is sinning. Click on the lips!

Sinful Sunday

Paperbark Dreaming

I was struggling a little to find or create an image for this week’s Sinful Sunday. I think in my dicking around I may have missed the deadline!!!

During a walk today Mr Jones came across some beautiful paperbarks that were leaning at just the right angle over the Barron River. We checked for any unsuspecting members of the public. With no one coming I stripped and assumed the position while Mr Jones snapped away. Thank goodness there were no ants!!

Even though I missed the deadline to submit my link please click the lips and check out the other entries who were better organised.

Sinful Sunday

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 7

I am super excited that two other awesome bloggers have taken up the Thirty Dirty Questions Journey. Mike from Marriage Sex and More and Marie Rebelle have both been sharing their answers. Head on over and check out their posts.

What parts of your lover’s body are you most drawn to?

I am unashamedly an arse woman. Show me a great arse and I want to touch it, grip it as it is thrusting towards me, spank it (with permission of course!!) and possibly do a bunch of stuff if the owner is that way inclined.

Mr Jones is the proud owner of a great arse. He has always had one and even as he ages and his body changes as everyone’s does his arse is still great. There is just something about it. Nice and round and neat. It fits nicely in my hand and is firm with a little bit of give like a ripe peach. I wish he liked to be spanked but he is not a huge fan. Although I snuck a little sting with my riding crop recently. He was not impressed.

I purchased the riding crop a little while back when I was seeing JB. He LOVED the feel of it on his arse and I loved the feeling of giving him that pleasure / pain push pull. Ironically I was the woman who helped him to start exploring his love of being spanked and other ouchy things that he had been missing in his marriage and ultimately caused it to fail. Then he had a drunken conversation with his ex – wife and told her about our exploits. Turns out she had all the same fantasies but didn’t know how to share them! I hope they successfully managed to re-kindle things.

Back to arses. A few nights ago Mr Jones and I were having dinner at a pub. I was quite drawn to the attire that the female staff were wearing. It consisted of short active wear style pants or leggings. The more self-conscious girls wore skinny type jeans. But, probably like all the men in the establishment, I couldn’t stop looking at some of the girl’s butts. One, in particular, had the most amazing big round arse. Cardi B would be impressed.

When looking at men I am also a huge fan of pants that fit nicely. Because nothing makes an arse look better than pants that fit nicely. And then there is the pleasure of taking the pants off. To feel the shape of those buns in the palm of your hand. To grip them while they are fucking you. Maybe even to glimpse their arse in the mirror and watch it as it pushes their cock into you. All very good visuals for me.

Men always focus on their cock. When taking sexy photos the cock is always front and centre. Sometimes they need to turn around.

Travelling Boobs

During the first week of our travels I was mucking around with a selfie stick and snapped a shot of my boob with the ancient sand dunes of Rainbow Beach in the background. I posted it on Twitter without a second thought. I am not one for accumulating likes and re-tweets so I never think about what I share too much I just put it there and let the universe enjoy or pass it by.

Later that night I noticed a huge number (for me) of likes and the travelling boob was born. Since then I have posted several more images of my boobs in various iconic and spectacular places. When Molly announced the prompt for this month I knew I wanted to try and make a triptych in a more or less traditional style. Not being entirely tech savvy has let me down a bit but here is my effort!

For the record the three locations featured from left to right are; Brampton Island, Great Keppel Island and Whitsunday mountain.

Want to see who else is sinning this week. Click on the lips below.

Sinful Sunday

A Small Reminder

Something that struck me when I looked at this image was my wedding ring. Often I notice it in images taken when I am playing. I remember once a lover telling me that it was the sexiest thing I was wearing because it meant I belonged to another man and that man was allowing me to be with him. Ever since then I have always noticed my ring in images. It makes me think about the unconventional nature of my marriage and how fortunate I am that I found myself here.

In this image I am performing oral sex on Mr Jones because he indicated he would like me to give him a “road head job” while he was driving the yacht. Not one to deny him a fantasy I complied when the opportunity arose. He enjoyed it but not so much that he forgot to capture the moment!

Sinful Sunday