In the Moment

It has been documented that my sessions with Johnny are wet, sexy, loud and involve a multitude of orgasms of many different types. The word he uses to describe it is “ridiculous”. Not in a negative way but in the completely unbelievable, surreal way. Johnny is a man of experience. He likes to fuck, he is exceptionally good at it and he is in demand. I count myself as being very fortunate to be on his VIP list.

One of the things that keeps Johnny coming back is the “ridiculousness” which he says is unusual. I know that many women struggle to orgasm. With Johnny I get into a zone where I sometimes can’t stop. There have been times in my past when I was the woman who struggled to orgasm. I was unsure of my own sexiness and not confident enough to express what I want.

At those times I took what was offered to me and I dealt with it. I tolerated bad sex and fumbling and discomfort because I wanted to please people and make everyone around me happy. I never really faked an orgasm but I maybe enhanced my vocal appreciation a little and I often didn’t let on when things weren’t right.

Over time and with age and experience I learned to value myself more. I learned that my pleasure and on a more basic level, comfort, is just as important as everyone else’s. I learned that the only way to combat bad sex is to call it what it is, bad sex. The only way a man, or woman, is going to know what is working for me is by me telling them. I had a responsibility to know what works for me and that is a separate journey. The most critical part of this equation for me is accepting that I am enough, by myself. I don’t need to accommodate lazy or selfish lovers just so I can have a companion.

This last part is hard. It is hard to be confident enough in yourself to know that you will be OK alone. But knowing that means you are confident enough to set a high standard for the people you accept into your life. It means you are confident enough to let someone know when they are not pushing your buttons. It means you are confident enough to let people in who do push your buttons and suddenly the door to ridiculous opens.

Ridiculous happens when you are relaxed and open to what is happening around you. When you have ensured that the right people are in the room and you can relax and enjoy yourself. When you are not worrying about making someone else happy or making allowances and telling yourself that it doesn’t matter that they aren’t getting it quite right you can’t truly be in the moment. For ridiculous to happen you have to be in the moment. Completely absorbed in the interaction between the people in the room with you, completely relaxed and open to the possibilities.

You have to be confident.

This post is part of 4 Thoughts or Fiction prompt #153. Use the link below to find more thoughts and stories about confidence.

https://4thoughts.ifsexmatters.co.uk/2020/06/confidence-prompt-153/

TMI Tuesday – Longing and Insults

1. What is the last song you sang?

If we are talking song sung in public – not going to happen ever. I am not even a fan of karaoke. Singing in the car to the radio? All the time if I am by myself or with my daughter. Our favourite songs to have a good old sing along to are, in no particular order;

Blue Monday – Orgy

Another favourite is Prairie Hotel Parachilna. A little out of the box but one of my favourite songs.

2. What place are you longing to visit?

Mr Jones and I are planning a six month, round Australia Odyssey in 2021. We will be towing a caravan in true “Grey Nomad” style. We completed a similar trip in 2010 with our two children and this journey is to re-visit some favourite places and to explore some that we missed last time. The song, Prairie Hotel Parachilna, evokes strong feelings about the areas around the Flinders Ranges. It is a place where you can literally see the age of the planet. There is a very significant geological site there that dates back 635 million years.

As John Williamson’s song says “A land so old and fragile its bones are poking through”. Who wouldn’t want to go there and feel the age of the Earth?

3. Tell us about the last time you were insulted?

I wrote a post about this very recently. You can read about it here. This was probably one of the most insulting things I have had directed at me in recent times. Apart from the usual stuff that children fling at you. But hey. That is their job right?

4. When was the last time you hung out with anyone not in your immediate household? What did you do?

Mr Jones and I recently returned from a visit to some very long term family friends. They live in a small city about four hours’ drive north of us. A visit to these people always involves some great home cooked meals. We also took some time to visit a very unique craft store that is situated in an old bakery that dates back over 100 years. The ovens are still in place, if not in use. I could have spent quite a bit of money there but was restrained.

5. Fill in the blank: I spend a lot of hours _____ .

Apart from work at the moment I spend a lot of hours reading other blogs and working on this one. Which is giving me great joy. My other time muncher at the moment is sewing which also gives me great joy.

Bonus: Which is worse–smelly feet or smelly breath?

I love these conundrums! Going to go with smelly breath. There is no way to escape that one. Smelly feet you can always put socks or shoes on to cover up the smell. Although you won’t be having sex with me if you have your socks on!

Bonus Bonus: I have been spending a lot of time recently looking back through old stuff and thought I should share this image with you because I like it!

Flashback – The Power of Swinging

I posted recently about a nasty comment aimed at me when I dared have an opinion about the wearing of masks and Covid-19. During my mid year break I am spending time sorting through old posts from “Erotic Adventures” days. I came across this post which I think explains a lot about how I found my family when I started swinging.

There is this idea out there that is purported by uninformed people and also sadly by some people in the swinging scene that swinging is really geared for the man.   The general feeling is that most swinging couples are in the game so that the guy can get more sex. Of course these people must be right. Why would a woman want to be able to watch live sex, have multiple partners and express her sexuality freely? A woman is all about flowers, candles, romance, chick flicks and gossip magazines isn’t she?

All of those things are very nice and there are times when they are very important. But REALLY, if that is the best a woman can expect from her sex life, then no wonder there are so many disappointed women out there.  I used to think I was the only woman in the world who liked looking at pictures of naked women in men’s magazines. I most definitely am not. I used to think that only really bad, naughty girls liked to wear short skirts and CFM boots.  I’m not.

Guess what else? I am also not the only woman out there who has a detailed fantasy of being fucked by a bevy of strange men who I have never, will never have a conversation with, go to dinner with or see a movie with

Our culture really rams home the stereotype that women are passive with sex. They are not supposed to enjoy sex or use sex to enjoy themselves. Women who do are ‘not nice’ or worthy as a potential wife or mother. We are not always truly encouraged to know and understand our bodies (there is MUCH more to sex than a vagina and a clitoris) and be confident enough in ourselves to tell our partners what we like.

During the course of my adventures I have learned much about myself; what I like, what I don’t like, where the ‘on’ buttons are and also how to say, “Honey I’m sorry but that is not doing it for me. Why don’t you try this?”

I have learned that sucking cock is not an act of submission; rather it is a gift that is bestowed on someone of my choosing at a time and place of my choosing. And it is a massive turn-on. I have learned that the right clothing can be as much a turn on for me as it is for my viewers. And, there are not enough hot shoes in my wardrobe.

For me this journey has been one of the most liberating things in my life.  I was once one of those wives who thought that sex was a chore that women had to add to the already massive list of things to tick off in their day. But even after I learned that I could enjoy sex with my husband without it being a chore, I was still prudish and afraid that the things that appealed to me were ‘not normal’. I always liked slutty skirts and big boots but had nowhere to wear them.  I always liked flirting but was terrified of where it would lead.

Swinging was the icing on the cake for me. Finally I realised that my ideas were not weird, that there were other women out there who liked the same clothes that I did. I found places where I could wear them, and take them off if the mood took me. Gemma the swinging virgin would never have gotten up in front of a crowd of people and taken a spin on a pole. Now, after a year of lessons, Gemma often gives public and private performances when she feels like it.

This Gemma is confident in her sexuality and comfortable with her body. She knows she has a power in her and the thought turns her on massively.

What I Know About Women

You might remember two recent posts about some questions posed by Duncan Lory at Your Sex Interview. For those who missed it you can read Part 1 here and part 2 here. I enjoy Duncan’s ramblings, his conversations with unusual women and his reminisces of past adventures. During the week he put up a post entitled “What Think I Know about Women” and challenged his readers to respond.

As with my responses to the Love and Loss questions I feel my responses may run over a couple of posts.

 

What Do you Know about the Clitoris?

Something that many people assume is that women know a lot about clitorises because they own one. I am here to tell you that is very inaccurate. I think that most women know where their clitoris is. Most women know how their clitoris works but I suspect that most women wouldn’t recognise their clitoris in a line up and they certainly don’t know how different every clitoris is.

It blows men’s minds when I tell them that, as a rule, I don’t let women near my clitoris. The reason for that is that women tend to go hammer and tongs and, unlike men, don’t take direction because they feel they know what they are doing. They may know what they are doing with their clitoris but that doesn’t mean they know what they are doing with my clitoris.

The anatomy of women’s genitals is very, very misunderstood by both men and women. Thanks to the enlightenment of feminists in the seventies we all know about the clitoris. Most of us can find it when we need to but do we know about all the other parts of our genitals. Women typically refer to their genitals as their vagina but the vagina is the passage from the uterus to the outside. When women talk about their vagina they really usually mean their vulva which includes the folds of skin and the clitoris.

When it comes to pleasuring a woman the whole vulva is sensitive and can be stimulated. Personally I prefer the outer labia to be simulated first. Sometimes I press these lips together, rubbing them back and forth over my clitoris. It is a special feeling, teasing with pressure but not direct stimulation. When I play with women I like to tease open her lips, watching them swell before opening them to reveal the special bud of the clitoris.

Duncan is correct. Clitorises come in many different shapes and sizes. Like penises they all have their own personality. They have their likes and dislikes. They all need to be treated differently but always with respect. It is always important to listen to their owner with your whole mind. Notice when she responds and when she pulls away. Women are complicated beings. They sometimes struggle to ask for what they want. Sometimes it is hard for us to explain. But if you are patient you will know.

What do you know about female orgasms?

I recently wrote an extensive post about my journey of discovery to my own orgasms. In a nutshell I haven’t always felt that orgasms were a big part of my sexual landscape and I felt a little broken by that.

Things have changed as I got older and more accepting of my body. I am grateful for that. Duncan commented that there are three types of orgasms as designed by scientists, clitoral, vaginal and g-spot. In some ways he may be right but as a woman I feel this is generalising.

Definitely the clitoris is a place where orgasms come from. And for most women it is the easiest and go-to place. But if you take the time there are so many other places. When Johnny is deep inside me he hits a spot. It causes a spasm and a jet of liquid. There are a few places like that inside me. JB made me climax from stimulating my cervix a couple of times. This orgasm was definitely different from a clitoral one. It was also different from the Johnny hitting the spot style. Are they both classified as vaginal? I don’t know.

My g-spot is located very close to the entrance of my vagina. A skilled tongue and a well placed finger and you are gonna get covered in ejaculate. Keep doing it and I am going to the place where I will climax from just watching you pleasure yourself. Interestingly I have experienced similar stimulation in that place from men with below average sized cocks. I guess there is some truth in the saying size doesn’t matter. Do I climax the same way every time my g-spot is stimulated? Mostly but once I am “switched on” there I can have similar orgasms from some very different and random stimulation, nipples, attention to my belly, sucking your cock etc. I guess we can out these ones in the g-spot box.

A friend once described orgasms from anal sex as whole body orgasms. Certainly I don’t climax from just having my butt penetrated. Usually there is some clitoral stimulation involved but the orgasms are different. They can be all consuming and rather than feeling like every muscle in your body is contracting they feel like a wave of heat passes through you. Sometimes when I am masturbating with my glass dildo I press against my anus through the wall of my vagina. It stimulates something in my anal area which is very very pleasurable. I think this is a whole different category.

Duncan comments that there are three parts to female orgasm, technique, anatomy and mindset. I agree with him on this one. You have to get all three right to get an orgasm. This means that for a women to climax she needs to be fully on board. She cannot blame her partner entirely for a less than satisfactory performance if she is thinking about what is for dinner while they are fucking.

Are there three categories? I don’t think so? Can all women have a variety of different orgasms? Absolutely. Will she have the spectrum of orgasms with one partner? Probably not. She may have a couple of different types but anatomy and personal preference will limit these. Will her life be complete if she DOESN’T get to experience the rainbow of orgasms? That is entirely up to her. I would say yes but maybe the ride won’t be as much fun as if she did.

What do I Know About Women – Part 2

This series is based on a post at Your Sex Interview. I posted Part One here.

What do you know about timing?

Timing is everything. In Duncan’s post he speaks about women being attracted to different types of men at different times of her cycle. I am not sure about that but I know that at different times of her cycle she is unconsciously more attractive to men.

I know my interest in certain men and certain activities can be fleeting. I can be all horny and wanting a certain man to do certain things one day but if he does not talk advantage of the opportunity when it is on offer I can lose interest pretty quickly.

What do you know about three-ways?

A bunch!!!!!!!!

Apparently, they are more common in Australia. I am Australian, I see them happening a bit, but my perspective of non-monogamous sex is a little skewed because of my lifestyle.

My first threesome was a FFM. Back then I was more into girls than I am now. It was very surreal. Mr Jones and I were at a swingers club that we frequent and we met a woman. She told us about her day of treating herself to a massage, some beauty treatments and a nice meal. She was here for some sex, which we had, then she left. The threesome was very nice and she was very nice. Mr Jones still talks about it.

My first MMF involved a double vaginal penetration. There is a story about it on my old blog. It was a life changing moment and one that I haven’t really repeated, yet.

Since then we have threesomes with both men and women but mostly with women. Mostly because it is easier to find men. And because I like cock.

Do I have a preference? I would say I prefer MMF but writing this has made me wonder….

What do you know about women and cheating?

Women cheat. I don’t know if they cheat as often as men. It kind of depends on your definition of cheating. The standard definition of cheating is penis in vagina without the other partner(s) knowledge. But there are so many other things that don’t go quite that far. Is a head job cheating? Is kissing cheating? Is talking dirty via messenger app with someone you met on the internet cheating? Is flirting with the guy who comes in to your work regularly cheating?

I would answer yes to most of those questions, most of the time. My definition of cheating is anything you would not feel comfortable doing while your partner is in the room. So if you wouldn’t do those things in front of your partner you are cheating.

Mr Jones and I have very strict honesty and disclosure rules. They can be quite confronting sometimes but I believe firmly it is the only reason that we are where we are at in our relationship. Without it I would not have the freedom I enjoy and I would not be as happy as I am now.

It is a generalisation but I feel that sometimes women cheat for slightly different reasons than men. I think men mostly cheat because they don’t get sexual fulfillment in their relationships. Women cheat because they don’t feel validated in their relationships. Being with a man who tells them they are attractive and who pays attention to them is important and often a lack of that attention and validation is what drives a woman out of her relationship. Even if it is only to flirt with the delivery guy at work.

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt #418 Truth . I am glad to get the chance to be part of this meme again after a couple of weeks of craziness and not being able to participate. Please make sure you check out the other excellent entries.

http://wickedwednesday.rebelsnotes.com/

My Journey Through Orgasms

I don’t remember how old I was when I started to masturbate. What I do remember is that my sexually repressive mother instilled in me an understanding that being sexual was not desirable and that talking about sex was forbidden. That included anything that led me to understand my own body. When I started menstruating at around 10 I didn’t actually know what was happening to me. But I digress. The purpose of this story is to record my journey through orgasms.

So somewhere, well before I started menstruating I learned to masturbate. Because of the environment I lived in I knew it was not spoken about and something I did it in private. Quietly. Secretly. For a long time I didn’t even really associate it with sexual pleasure. It was actually something I did to go to sleep at night.

As a teenager I lived in a boarding school. Being locked up with a bunch of teenage girls you would think would be very liberating sexually. In some ways it was. I was privy to conversations about sex with many different people from many different backgrounds. But in the end we were all teenagers, we didn’t actually know a lot of facts and we certainly didn’t have any adults around who were willing or able to help us.

So I graduated high school a classic Catholic school girl virgin. Horny, no real knowledge of how to interact with boys and no real understanding of sex. What I knew I had learned from magazines and science text books and whispered conversations that other more experienced girls had with their friends.

I lost my virginity to a man about five years my senior. These days he would be classified as a “toolie” because he hung around young school leavers but had actually left school several years earlier. He had a reasonably large dick which added ti his allure. It was a very unsatisfactory experience. He didn’t know I was a virgin, it was all over in a few minutes and I left feeling disappointed. Through him I met another man, again older but this relationship was much more educational from a sexual perspective.

I learned a little more about my own body during this relationship but the main takeaway was a discovery of, and pride in my ability to give head. I was a natural at this. I didn’t know this then but I know now my ability is mainly because I just love cocks. I love looking st them, I love the feel of them, I love exploring them with my mouth. I love the power of being able to make a man climax from my mouth, and yes. I swallow.

After this relationship and probably for the next ten or so years my sexual experiences were very one sided. My clitoris is sensitive. Most of the men I encountered had no fucking idea what to do with a vagina other than to stick their dick in it, so the vast majority of my orgasms came from my own hand. I liked penetrative sex but I didn’t climax from it, unless I fingered myself at the same time. I figured that was how sex was and for the most part I settled for that.

When we started swinging I came across a lot of people who wanted to lick me. I had no idea how to tell them what to do. I didn’t have the confidence to explore this with them I just knew it wasn’t good for me so I dealt with it the way I deal with a lot of stuff; I made it about them. I gave them good head, the men and the women. I fucked a lot and enjoyed myself immensely but usually I went home and had sex with Mr Jones so I could climax properly before I went to sleep. It was kind of a ritual between Mr Jones and I. Reclaiming the territory.

Somewhere along the journey I learned about squirting. I became aware of the spot at the entrance to my vagina that has been the source of immense pleasure ever since. I learned to relax, (insert Frankie Goes to Hollywood lyrics here). And the sweet juice flowed. At first it wasn’t much but over the years it has increased,

At this time I was still extremely cautious about mouths near my pussy. Women were almost never allowed (in my experience they are crap at licking pussy but that is another topic for another time). Select men were allowed for short bursts. Squirting was usually triggered when a guy slipped, or was pushed, out of me during sex. Or, and this is my personal favourite to this day, he pulled out and gently tapped my clit in the throes. OH MY GOD!!!! You want a sprinkler to erupt on your bed? Do that to me.

Then I met Pet. He was a dirty, dirty man and he loved me to squirt on his face. And I did, as often as I could. I feel sorry for the staff at the hotel we frequented. I missed that man when life happened and we parted company he opened my eyes to many things. One of which was the sheer pleasure of lying back and letting someone use their mouth on your lady bits.

Since then I have met a couple of men who genuinely love a woman sitting on their face and almost drowning them. There are a lot of men who SAY they like this but really there are few who actually do. Once they are horny it is about getting their dick wet.

When I climax that way it is frequent and if I get worked up enough it is uncontrollable. I literally cannot stop and have been known to climax from watching a man wank, from feeling his pleasure when I am sucking his cock and from having my nipples stimulated. But I need to be aroused enough first. I need the first teasing and licking I need to be built up and I need a connection with my partner.

It is hard for men to understand but all of that can go for hours and I can spasm countless times and ejaculate significant amounts of liquid. I believe it could be measured in litres but the science to back this up is pending. And yet I still need a large gut wrenching clitoral climax to be finished. If I don’t get that I will be a bit jittery and unsettled.

Something I did realise after a recent session with Johnny is that if the massive clitoral orgasm does happen during play I am very much like a man. I then want to cuddle, have a chat and go to sleep. If you do that to me you have three choices: 1. Cuddle, chat and go to sleep too, 2, cuddle, chat and then start again, from the beginning, 3. Immediately keep things happening and I will be good for a while but it will get a bit old in the not too distant future. Actually, if you pick option 2 you are also likely to get a short lived response as well.

The moral of the story; as tempting as it is to see me climax that way because it is fun to see a woman enjoy herself it is not a good idea to let it happen until you are ready for the closing credits yourself. Because after that my ultimate goal is to finish up and get some sleep.

I once had a friend who would describe her orgasms as many and varied. At the time I was still at the fingering while being penetrated stage of my journey. I was envious of her. I thought I would never be able to have that. Now I am a bit like her. It turns out that the secret to many varied and amazing orgasms is not the hand you are dealt. It is relaxing, and trying a whole bunch of different stuff.

Posing Nude

When I read this week’s prompt for Food 4 Thought I didn’t think I would have anything to write. I take selfies for thrills and I admire good photography but I do not consider myself a photographer. It is not one of my passions.

Being in front of the lens is something I have a small amount of experience with and I enjoy it. I especially enjoy looking at the results. One of the images that was captured of me was compiled by a play friend I was seeing a few years ago.

I have posted this image before I am sure. I love how powerful I look in the image. I love that my friend took it after we had sex and I was covered with his cum. When I look at this image I see the details that I know he was focussed on,

He loved that he was able to be with a married woman. Whenever I look at this image I see my wedding ring I am not sure if he deliberately included it in the way it is there but to me it seems to be a feature,

I also know that he was very in to women with hairy pussies. At the time I routinely shaved and the timeline of this photography session was aligned with a time when I had let my hair grow out s bit. These days I am less worried about trends and keeping myself the way others want me to be and my pubic hair is routinely longer than in this photo.

Recently I have been talking with a man who is interested in taking nudes and erotic photos. I am kind of hoping that I will be able to acquire an image like this one again, perhaps minus the cum but one that makes me feel so sexy and powerful.

This post is part of Food 4 Thought Friday. #148 – Photography. Please click here and visit some other excellent writers and photographers to check out their stories.

TMI Tuesday – Some Sexy Stuff

tmi_hug

It has been a long week. I am not able to see the end of it yet. 

1. Do you have a strong imagination? Why do you think this?

I am going to say yes. I am able to think up stories to write here so that is good evidence. When I am at work I try to keep a lid on my imagination but lets just say there are some meetings when letting my mind wander is the only way to stay sane.

2. Are you confident?

I am good at giving the impression I am confident. Sometimes my way of ploughing forward without taking time to consider the consequences bites me on the ass and sometimes I go confidently forth only to falter at a crucial point.

Most of the time people see me as confident and this prompts them to ask for help / advice but honestly I still see myself as the awkward socially isolated teenager from 1990.

3. Do you consider yourself to be sensual?
a. You bet I am!
b. Eek, no way.
c. In the right moments, I can be.

In line with my response to number 2 I am going to go with c. I am extremely sensual when I am in bed with sexy people. I love nothing more than exploring senses by giving and receiving massage, trailing my fingernails over someone’s skin, maybe using them harder if required, biting gently, harder if desired, and using my mouth on a beautiful cock.

When I am at work and in my every day life. Awkward, clumsy and, in my mind at least, quite the opposite.

4. When was the last time you dressed provocatively to entice flirting or attention?

It has been several months since I have been to any kind of swinging party / club. Which is where I usually dress this way. I have met with someone for one on one sex and usually when I meet I try to dress in a way that he will find enticing for the 30 seconds between when he walks in the door and we are naked.

Last time he commented about it. Which made me happy. Nothing makes a woman happier than a man who notices when she makes and effort and then comments.

5. How often do you think about sex?

Often. More than once a day. Since I have started working in earnest on this blog again I spend a lot of time thinking about situations and parts of stories. This sometimes leads to thinking about things I have done, or could do in the future. A lot of the time I am not conscious about it making me horny per se but I am guessing that somewhere in my subconscious there is something building up.

6. If someone called you ‘sexy,’ what would you do?

Say thank you and then feel awkward and not know what else to say.

If it was a work there would be an element of panic because I definitely try to keep sexy out of my mind when I am interacting with colleagues (most of the time) and students (100% of the time).

7. Are you comfortable with your body?

I think for the most part yes. I have worked hard over the last ten or so years to come to terms with my flaws but I still have moments of looking in the mirror and seeing the extra kilos and the issues that come with age developing.

Bonus: Are you good at getting what you want?

A mantra that I have used for many years is

“Things will always work out the way they are meant to”

I try not to focus too much on getting what I want out of a situation but rather working in a way that will improve me and ultimately result in something higher. It isn’t something that I achieve every day and I do occasionally get cranky when I don’t get my own way but on the whole I consider myself to be a very go with the flow kind of girl.

This post is part of TMI Tuesday for 5 May. To see what other sexy stuff is being shared head on over 

img_0933-5

Thirty Truths #1

I found this meme on Sweet n Dirty’s blog. It was something I had seen before and wanted to complete but never did. I took the reminder as a sign to get off my ass and do something about it. For convenience I have created a page listing each topic and will link all of the posts relating to it there.  

Number one on the list is something you hate about yourself. 

The thing I hate most about myself is my body. For some of you reading this it may seem to contradict some of the things you have read that I wrote and possibly that I have said either in person or online.

Truth is I am like many people, hungry for approval, hungry to be liked and desired. Like a lot of people I also have a deep conviction that I am not good enough. It kind of reminds me of the Kasey Chambers song “Am I Not Pretty Enough?”

So in this world of perfectly attractive people, even the token ugly ones on dating shows, I worry that my stomach is not flat enough, that my thighs are too big and that I don’t look like a 30 year old fitness model.

Yes I take my clothes off in certain safe environments that could be regarded as public. Yes men (and women) tell me often that I am attractive, that I have an amazing butt, my boobs are beautiful and sometimes I agree with them. At least enough to keep displaying myself but sometimes the doubt comes back. It is hard to eradicate.

Recently I have been interacting with a man who disagrees very strongly with this idea. And I really appreciate his appreciation of my body. It makes me feel amazing to be in his presence and hear his words. I just have to keep reminding myself when he isn’t there.