Category Archives: Marraige
1. If you are on facebook, when was the last time you had to “unfriend” someone and why?
I am notorious for avoiding conflict. So “unfriending” is not something I generally do. When I first read this question I could not think of the last time that I did unfriend someone. However as I was writing I remembered the last time was when Pet and I went our separate ways. It was not an acrimonious ‘break up’ by any stretch. – He decided we were done, I said O.K and that was it. I was a bit bummed by the turn of events but we are grown ups and i decided that pursuing reasons and ‘closure’ was not worth the pain.
However I did decide that he didn’t need to be part of my Facebook world anymore. So he is no longer on my friends list.
2. What are you addicted to?
Hard question. I guess it depends on how you define addiction. In terms of a weakness that I find hard to resist it would be shoes. My last pair are my new favourites;
3. What are the first 3 things you do every morning?
Say good morning to Mr Jones, feed the bird, and get dressed. Not necessarily in that order. Often the bird comes first mainly because he is so loud.
4. How lucky are you and why?
- I have a fantastic husband and kids
- I live in a fantastic house and in a place with an almost perfect climate.
- I am lucky enough to have my cake and eat it.
5. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?
I am often embarrassed about of lots of things that I do and say. I can’t think of a thing that I have always wanted to try that I am specifically embarrassed about. One of the key things that I often find myself apologising for is wanting to try badass pole moves that involve pain and using an ‘armpit grip’. Things that look like this;
Absolutely yes. I am proud of the way I do my job and I believe that I put in everything for my students and that they benefit from it. I am proud of what I do on my pole. Most of all I am proud of my marriage. Together we have built a great lifestyle and family. We have established complete and habitual honesty which has made our relationship work so well.
Swinging can be compared to many things. A recent experience made me consider that it is like Pandora’s Box. Before you start it seems like a magical thing that can make everything right with the world. But, like the girl in the classic tale, you never really know what is in the box until you open it and once the box is opened and all the treasures come out you can never put them back in again.
As we were becoming accustomed to Mr Jones and I encountered a couple on a recent outing that were on their first foray into the magical world of swinging. Like us they had been married for a long time. Unlike us they had married young and had missed out on the early sexual decadence that some people are lucky enough to experience in their youth. Like most new people they had no idea what to expect from a visit to a swingers club and, sadly, like a lot of new people they also had a very specific idea of what they wanted.
I am a great believer in living out your fantasy but experience has taught me that that making a fantasy into a reality is difficult. You will never achieve exactly what you envisage in your mind; there will always be someone or something that is not exactly what you imagined. This couple, or rather Mrs Newbie, felt the need to have another penis in her life. Her husband was most obliging and had agreed for her to make that fantasy come to life. On the evening in question there were a number of penises on offer but she was fussy, not a bad thing. The penis she was looking for had to come attached to a young, tattooed, well muscled young man. Oddly enough there were no men matching her description on offer.
The four of us chatted for a while. I explained that Mr Jones and I were in the market for a couple that particular evening. It didn’t occur to me to make it abundantly clear that I came as part of a package and the selection of said package included interaction with all parts of the package. They seemed a little dissatisfied with things and I expected that they were going to leave early. She was that kind of person, if things aren’t going the way she wants, she is out.
This was when the box opened. On my way to the bathroom I passed them sitting at a table and chatting with a single man who definitely didn’t meet the requirements. To my surprise Mrs Newbie, reached out and pulled me towards her asking if She could kiss me. It has been a long time since I kissed a woman but it wasn’t too bad. Before I could entirely process everything that was happening we were in a room on the way to getting naked. She was very focussed on having her first girl on girl experience, even though she had said that wasn’t really what she wanted, the guys were a little awkward. Mr Newbie had his instructions, he wasn’t really part of the action for this evening but he had come prepared to watch his wife be fucked by another man, not engage in the ultimate fantasy of watching his wife with another woman and the expected extension of that fantasy, fuck the other woman himself. Mrs Newbie had explained to me that she was not interested in Mr Jones, something I was OK with because I expected that Mr Newbie was a no go for me.
As things heated up barriers were smashed and we ended up in a situation where Mrs Newbie gave her husband the green light to play with me. It didn’t occur to her that her reluctance to interact with Mr Jones meant that I didn’t really want to play with both of them and leave my husband watching. Some people are a little selfish like that. Eventually she came up for air and what had just happened started to sink in, she commented that she felt really hot and needed a drink and some air. In a normal situation I guess her husband would have realised that this was a sign of trouble. However he was still in the throes of realising that he had, for the first time in a 20+ year relationship come perilously close to an encounter with a vagina that was not part of his wife.
After a very flustered struggle with her underwear, (a tip for newbies, don’t wear complicated or hard to remove clothes, the can look great but they can really kill the mood when you are trying to get them off or, as in this scenario, get them on so that you can make a hasty exit) Mrs Newbie left, unknown to us, the building. Mr Newbie commented that his wife had a bit of a tendency to flee from situations that she found challenging. He was a little reluctant to leave probably feeling that would be bad form. He wasn’t really wrong but staying when your wife is already in the car waiting for you to come and drive her away from this overwhelming situation is much worse form.
We were not really surprised by the turn of events but we conceded that getting dressed and literally running out of the club without even saying goodbye properly is a sign that things are not OK. Once Mr Jones and I would have worried that we had done something wrong, and speculated way too much about the relationship dynamics of Mr and Mrs Newbie. But the extent of our conversation after their departure was that they were definitely going to have some things to process in the aftermath of their evening. I did go on to reflect that having your first swinging or extra martial encounter can be like opening Pandora’s box. Before you open the lid it can seem like all the wonders of the world are inside but opening the box can uncover many unexpected things some of which are the exact opposite of what you are looking for. Like the box in the story the lid can never be replaced, the repercussions of what you let out can take a long time to process.
The Pandora’s box of swinging has been at time a blessing and a curse for us. There have been many issues in our relationship that have been bought to the fore by the situations that we have found ourselves in but on the flip side we have been very fortunate that we have been able to live out many, many fantasies. In addition we have been privileged to have been able to help other people live out theirs and to help them open the Pandora’s box for themselves in a fun, non destructive kind of way. In the situation of Mr and Mrs Newbie we definitely helped them to open their personal box but I am certain they were not expecting what came out. I just hope that they are able to deal with it and don’t spend the rest of their life wishing that they had left well enough alone.
One of my New Year’s Resolutions, if you want to call it that, is to continue to write the story of our journey. This next chapter introduces the people who will ultimately facilitate my journey from Mrs Jones to Gemma. If you want to catch up on the story so far hop over to the Journey to Now page for the links in order to the relevant posts
As things wound down with Steve and Jenna we re-visited the big bad world of Internet dating and started looking for other people. During this time we kept visiting CI and exploring the world of swingers clubs. We had some very interesting experiences with various people. We were still very much learners and looking back now probably got into some situations that we may have avoided now. Some of the same old situations raised their heads, both of us don’t have the confidence to strike up conversations with perfect strangers and this made some of our evenings a little unsatisfying. Other issues like an inability to communicate about WHAT we wanted and to be confident about what was OK made it difficult. The old chestnut about playing only as a couple with people we both found attractive was prominent. At the time it hadn’t quite become the massive drag that it was to become later but it still caused some tension from time to time.
We met and chatted briefly to a couple who happened to live quite close to us. They ticked a lot of boxes. After a coffee between Sheree and myself we arranged for her and her husband, Wes, them to come for dinner the following weekend. The evening was a success. Dinner was relaxed, conversation flowed freely. On a friend level we clicked. Once dinner was finished and the dishes were cleared away things got a little awkward. Moving from friendly conversation to sexy fun is always a little odd. Over time we have gotten more used to posing and answering that question but back then it seemed like the elephant in the room.
I came up with what I thought was a creative solution as I made after dinner coffee I asked Wes if he wanted anything else with his coffee. I thought I was being obvious but apparently not enough. Either that or he was determined not to jump to conclusions. Whatever the reason he replied politely that he was fine thanks. I was a little crestfallen thinking that I had been rejected but Sheree saved the day by not as subtly explaining to her husband his error.
It turned out that he absolutely did NOT intend to turn me down but in fact the exact opposite. So after a relatively short time we found ourselves getting naked and down to business. The excitement of exploring with new people never seems to wear off but back then it still had that extra edge. It was refreshing to spend time with people who were comfortable being naked and comfortable with their sexuality. Discussing fantasies and things that were out of the ordinary did not seem so weird with these people. In short we felt comfortable and able to be ourselves.
Our idea back then was to find people that we could be friends with and also to fuck. Friends with benefits. It seemed like such a natural progression and our experiences had not given us any reason to think that it could be otherwise. These people lived quite close to us. They seemed like a regular couple until you got them naked and they had a good understanding of the need for decorum when the vanilla people were around. They were also the kind of people we didn’t mind introducing to our children in a vanilla setting. It seemed almost too good to be true.
Our second meeting was just as sexy. We visited their house where they had set up two mattresses in their lounge room and had hired the movie 9 1/2 weeks. It turned out that the famous scene in the kitchen was one of Sheree’s ultimate fantasies.
We made it to the food scene before we started exploring our own ideas and each other’s bodies. The movie put us in an experimental mood and I remember playing with ice cubes and other things. Wes thought to put an ice cube on my pussy but my severe reaction which involved me almost kicking him in the head quickly gave him second thoughts. To this day I have not been brace enough to allow anyone else to put ice near my clit. To anyone who may be reading this that is not a challenge.
When I look back and think about some of the things we held as fantasies, they seem so simple. In some ways I wish that we still were naive like that. Now sometimes the simple leasureable things get lost in concerns about how the other person might react and I don’t just mean Mr Jones. We were like a blank page waiting to have something drawn on us. It didn’t matter what was drawn. Back then I was very concerned with being attractive to other people. The idea of being choosy was something I understood but I didn’t practise. I didn’t have the confidence in myself. Being with Wes changed some of that. He was attentive and always seemed to say the right thing and fucking him felt amazing. Something about his cock felt so good inside me. Bing with him gave me more confidence in my own appeal and sexiness. I didn’t realise it at the time but these encounters were sowing the seeds that would grow into Gemma the sex goddess.
A few days ago I found myself trying to explain irony to a student. It is a difficult concept to convey because most explanations I came up with sounded like a definition of sarcasm. My favourite concept especially in the adult ‘Gemma’ world is juxtaposition – putting something unexpected and clashing in an otherwise serene or normal situation. Irony is something like the poor cousin to juxtaposition – an unexpected event that is something you were trying to avoid. Or something like that. This ramble started because I was reflecting on a rather ironic situation that has come to light for me. Pet’s wife has always had concerns about his relationship with me. Mr Jones has similar concerns although he doesn’t seem to be as neurotic about it as Mrs Pet. Recently, not because of me I am sure, Pet and his wife have separated. I have watched these events unfold through a tiny peephole from a very great distance and I am not privy to any but the most basic of information. This is really how it should be. His relationship with his wife is none of my business and I have learned from bitter experience that being the friend that holds the hand of a lover going through a breakup can lead to all kinds of painful consequences. So I have listened with a sympathetic ear but made it abundantly clear that I am not interested in any torrid details.
This has had the effect of Pet and I drifting apart. He is, of course, very distressed by this twist in his life and the time he had for fun and sexy times is now taken up by having to deal with separation of things and making living arrangements. Due to his job he is probably going to end up living in North Queensland which is a very long way from me. Essentially, in my mind at least, that intensely sexy, fun filled relationship has come to an end. Ironic because now that it is no longer a concern of Mrs Pet the relationship is no longer.
Maybe in the future they will find a way to rekindle their marriage. I have no idea. It is not my business to consider or worry about. I am saddened by this change in my own life. For a time things worked well for me and I was very happy in my relationship with Pet and Mr Jones. I even allowed myself the luxury of fantasising about having two husbands. But it seems that this fantasy is not to be. Maybe it is an impossible dream.
Finally after what seems like an eternity of assignment drafts, exams and assignments my life has calmed down for a couple of weeks. It means I get some time to put some of those random thoughts on to the screen. So today the story of our journey down the rabbit hole continues ……
Following our magical night with Kurt and Renee we were high. For Mr Jones it was a confirmation that his fantasies could come true. For me it was like opening a door into an alternate universe that I had never even dared to imagine could exist. Fucking Kurt ticked a lot of boxes I never realised I had. As I said in my last post he was a big man with a big appetite. I loved the feeling of being lifted off the ground by someone so big and powerful. It was not something that had happened to me often. Something else I loved was the feeling of his orgasm when he was fucking me. Up until that time the feeling of Mr Jones cumming inside me was often enough to tip me over the edge. I hadn’t realised I would experience the same thing with other men.
Sadly our new special friends did not come from Brisbane. It was their habit to fly to Brisbane from the regional centre where they lived every six weeks or so to live it up away from their relatively small community where discovery of their alternative relationship choice could become a little problematic. We had exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch to arrange a meeting the next time they were in town. Now that we had experienced some success we were very keen to explore some more and meet some other “like minded couples” to see what other fun could be had.
Kurt had introduced us to the concept of online adult dating communities and so in the weeks that followed we investigated further and set up a profile in relatively well known community. Like everything else about this world it was a revelation to both of us. In my mind Internet dating was for desperate people who didn’t have the social skills to go out and meet real people living real lives. The idea of hooking up with someone from the Internet for casual sex was something that I would never have conceived.
Like regular dating this kind of Internet dating revolves around a profile featuring photos, a list of features required by the website that include things like smoking or non smoking, cock size, breast size body shape etc. Then there is a section where you write in your own words a description of yourself and a short description of what you are looking for.
Completing the categories was relatively simple. Even deciding on cock size didn’t create much friction although a lack of experience with comparison to other cocks made it difficult to decide if he was thick or average. I am here to tell you, after much experience with material to compare with, he is thick but back then he lacked the confidence to believe that he was above average in anything. The section that caused the problems was the description of ourselves. Mr Jones was absolutely not prepared to compromise on complete fairness. By this I mean that he didn’t want me, the person he viewed as more outgoing and perhaps more likely to be successful, getting more air time that him. That meant that there couldn’t be more words about me than him and we both had to come across as equally attractive and exciting. It is difficult to achieve this when one person is doing the writing and the whole process caused a little friction between us and prompted some discussion about what we were and weren’t looking for.
These days this kind of thing is not really an issue but back then neither of us had learned fully how to express our ideas and feelings and so, as with many people things often went unsaid. In the end we managed to get together a profile that everyone was happy with. One of the upsides of the whole process was that we had an excuse to get involved with an activity that Mr Jones had liked for a long while, taking naughty pictures of each other. Fortunately at that time our children were still relatively young and went to bed at a sensible hour and so we could spend the occasional Saturday night undressing and experimenting with various poses and outfits sometimes resulting in spectacular failure and sometimes resulting in spectacular success.
As new members of the website we spent a lot of time online looking at other prospective partners and also reviewing messages. Many more experienced couples were very interested in “New Meat” so to speak and so we were approached by a lot of people. We quickly came to realise that our idea of sexy and other people’s idea of sexy was often quite different. We had been relatively conservative in our choice of photos for our public profile showing our bodies partially undressed with no face pictures and no direct photos of genitals.
Other people were not so discreet and often we clicked on a profile to be greeted with a fully erect cock or a nicely spread pussy. Not to say they were always unattractive just not the first angle of someone that we wanted to look at. Some of the photos were good representations of their owner in the sense that they made you say, “What the???????”
Over the next few weeks we chatted to quite a few different people. Some of them interesting, some of them a little bland and others that made us want to switch the computer off the second we clicked on the profile. People, it seems, can be even more inappropriate on the Internet than they are in real life.
Originally I started writing this blog to share the story of how Mr Jones and I got to where we are today. Somehow life happened and I got distracted but recently my thoughts have returned to that journey so you guys get to benefit from that. If you are new to these pages you can visit “The Journey to Here” to read through the posts that make up this story.
The swing scene is full of couples looking for a unicorn, a single female who wants to play with a couple. They are commonly referred to as unicorns because for many people they are impossible to find. They do exist but they are incredibly choosy about their partners. Fortunately for Mr Jones and myself we started out looking for a couple and were saved all of that frustration.
After our first experience we had quite a few discussions centring around fairness and opportunities. Mr Jones was adamant that our encounters be ‘equal opportunity’. For my part I was feeling constrained. I was like a child in a lolly shop wanting to taste and enjoy everything that I possibly could with reckless abandon. Mr Jones was like the stern adult worrying about the potential for cavities and upset stomachs. His shyness and lack of confidence about his age, his greying hair, his abilities and his general attractiveness made him reluctant to talk to people. On top of that he was relatively fussy. He explained many times to me; “I have you, why would I settle for less?”
It is the ultimate compliment but at the time, like the child in the lolly shop, all I could see was the stick in the mud adult putting restraint on all the fun.
As luck would have it on our third visit to CI, as it was affectionately known, we met a couple, Kurt and Renee, that we both found attractive. Driven by our recent conversations and also a desire to make my husband happy I paid scant attention to how I was feeling about Kurt and focussed on wether or not Mr Jones would find the Renee attractive. I really had no idea of what he was looking for other than he didn’t like women he considered fat. I am not going to go into the politics of body shape acceptance here just to say that if you are going to have sex with someone they need to be attractive. If larger than average is a turn off then that is how it is.
Despite my hesitations we found ourselves in a room with a closed door. We had been quite open about our lack of experience and they were extremely sensitive to our level of comfort. Both of them kept asking questions like; “Do you have a rule about kissing?”, “Do you do a full swap?” And so on and so forth. We felt like we were being bombarded, besides which, due to our lack of experience, we didn’t know the answers to a lot of their questions.
In the end I halted the barrage by saying “Let’s just agree that if we don’t like something you do we will let you know OK?”. At the time We assumed that these guys were relatively experienced. It wasn’t until much later that a few things happened that made me wonder if this assumption had been incorrect. It didn’t stop us from having fun then and it ultimately made no difference to how things played out. It just amuses me to reflect on people and what makes them tick.
After we agreed on my proposal everything went full steam ahead. There was kissing, licking, sucking of cocks and nudity. Unlike our first encounter it was more about exploring and trying different things than getting naked and jumping straight into fucking. Mr Jones in particular ticked some fantasy boxes both getting to witness his wife exploring another woman and also enjoying the feeling of fucking two women who were lying on top of each other.
Sadly the popularity of the club meant that there was a limit on the amount of time a group could spend in a private room. We found ourselves dressing and returning to the bar with a feeling of only just beginning our adventure. There was a few moments of awkwardness and Kurt and Renee drew aside for a private whispered conversation. We were a little unsure of how to act and politely waited to see what would happen next. We were surprised and very pleased when they returned and Kurt curled his arm around me while he invited both of us to join them in their hotel.
The whole night turned into a sex marathon that I had never even dreamed about. It seemed like erections would never go down, there would never be a time when any of us wanted to roll over and go to sleep and there were endless possibilities to explore. Mr Jones ticked several items off his Fucket list that night and for the first time since we had embarked on our adventure I didn’t feel restrained. Up until that time if you had asked me what my ideal man looked like I would have responded with slim, relatively hairless, tall with a nice ass. Kurt was nothing like this description apart from the tall aspect. He was a large man, not overweight exactly but definitely solid. I was completely entranced by his ability to engulf me both sexually and physically.
For his part Mr Jones found Renee enticing and very very sexy. She was indeed rounder than he would normally have liked but her body was firm and toned. He learned a lesson on looking past first impressions. He also learned about the appeal of shoes. Renee loved her shoes and insisted on wearing a particular pair of six inch Pleasers while having sex. Up until that point shoes had not been something he had ever considered. Renee changed that attitude for ever more, much to my satisfaction.
By the time we left their hotel and drove home the first rays of sunlight were beginning to show over the horizon. We felt like teenagers sneaking home well after curfew full of excitement with what we had just done. This was what we had been looking for. We felt affirmed this was definitely the right choice for us. We had found a place where we fitted in.
A couple of years ago I was essentially a stay at home Mum. My time was my own and there was no real demands on my time. Nor were there any real consequences to be feared from people finding out about my alternative marriage arrangements. The only aspect of my life that conflicted with my marriage choice was a parent at my children’s Catholic primary school discovering my secret and using it against them in some way. Even that issue was not particularly concerning to me. At that time in my life I believed that the path to more people accepting non-monogamy was more non-monogamous people being more open about their lifestyle.
Four years ago I started a teaching degree which I completed and in due course I commenced working as a teacher. It turned out that being Gemma took up an awful lot of time. Time that I suddenly found I didn’t have. Consequently my Erotic Adventures became fewer and further between. I found myself regressing into the person I was before Gemma came along. My sex life found itself squeezed into the tiny cracks in time that came along very infrequently. Getting into the headspace where I could truly let myself go and live in the sexual moment has become incredibly difficult.
Along with the lack of opportunity my desire to even consider being Gemma has become very sporadic. It’s a kind of chicken and egg thing really. Does the lack of opportunity create less Gemma or does the smaller amount of Gemma headspace mean I don’t create opportunity? Either way the effect is the same, a lot of work and not much playing.
I have been down this road before. At a time when I have two small children and was hell bent on being a throughly modern woman who had a career and still manage be a perfect mother. I refused to ask for help then and my marriage went almost to breaking point. I am afraid of the same thing happening again even though I know the warning signs.
Even though I have journeyed through something like this and made it out the other side I still worry that I won’t be able to avoid falling into the same trap. And if I do fall into that trap I won’t be able to get out a second time. Or even better avoid the trap altogether,
It is a challenge. A lot of days I think keeping Gemma alive is not worth the effort. I think I would have a quieter life if I just let her die her death. Writing this post I have realised that her existence is important. I have to find a way to keep her alive both in my mind and in reality. I have to find a way to open up more time and headspace for her. The consequences of not finding that space are not worth considering.
All work and no play make Mrs Jones not worth keeping up with.
Fully, absolutely trust with my life? None. Mr Jones is the person I have the most trust in but I guess I have been let down by way too many people way too many times. While I was writing this it occurred to me that I probably need a dog in my life but I love my cat way too much. And while he is the most loving, affectionate and needy cat I have ever met he is still a cat and everyone knows cats are fickle creatures.
2. What are you excited for?
This is probably a bit sad but I am currently excited that this is hump week. Meaning the middle week of the term. When this week is over the next two weeks of school holidays are closer than the last lot. Which is always a great way for things to be.
3. Have you had sex today?
Considering it is 6.30 in the morning it isn’t surprising that the answer is no. I did have a dates with Pet planned for tonight but real life got in the way so at the moment there are no concrete plans for sex in the immediate future.
4. When was the last time you talked to someone until you fell asleep? What relation are they to you?
This is something that Mr Jones and I regularly do. Mostly because he is a night owl and I am an early bird. So we often end up in bed at night chatting because he is still wide awake. I usually end up falling asleep mid conversation because I am so exhausted from the day.
5. What is your opinion on sex before marriage?
Is this seriously an issue still? I think we need to wake up to the fact that saving yourself for marraige is such an outdated practise. It is as outdated as the idea that virginity is something of value. In my experience parents who push the idea to their kids that saving yourself is the right thing to do are doing more harm than good. This is because these parents are reluctant to help their children to learn the skills and information they need to make responsible sexual decisions and have a healthy confidence in their sexuality. Kids who are encouraged to save themselves or worse, given an abstinence based sex education ar set up to spend a large part of their sexual life missing out on truly expressing themselves because of all the hang ups their parents planted in their young impressionable minds.
I could rant some more but I suspect that I have made my point and any more would bore you.
Bonus: Does your present lover know any of your past lovers? How well?
All of my present lovers know about each other. Mr Jones is aware of most of my significant previous relationships and of course all of the ones I have had since we have been together. Does he know about every man I fucked when I was in my early twenties? Truthfully, that was such a long time ago that I don’t think I can even list them all. We have been married for seventeen years. Some guy I had a roll in the hay with when I was 20 is really not significant now.
PS I have just had a pre-posting read through this and realised I was a tiny bit grumpy when I wrote this. I think I need more meditation in my life.
If you would like more TMI goodness make sure you check out the other responses at the TMI Tuesday page.
The morning after a night out is always a time to reflect and muse over the people I met and their stories. This morning is no different in that regard. What is different about this morning is that my musings are not about sexy naked people and skin on skin contact but more confusion and a little irritation at what goes through some people’s heads.
Last night was one of those nights when everyone is new and no body seemed to want to talk or socialise that much. Well at least not with us. We did meet a lovely couple and some sexy fun was had but as usual you have to work your way through the chaff to find the good grain. In this instance the chaff was a couple who presented as new, married for 25 years and seemingly very nervous. Pretty stock standard until asked what they were looking for. Their reply was a little confusing,
“I am just here to look after him.” Said by Mrs 25 year marraige.
A bit of a weird response. It made a lot more sense as the conversation progressed and we learned that they had indeed been married for 25 years but were in the process of a ‘conscious uncoupling‘. Yes that is a weird concept but really it is the only way I could rationalise a couple who were in their minds separated but sitting in a swinger’s club seeking a sexual experience together.
Well of course there was more to it than that. She had found a ‘new partner’ and now out of some weird sense of duty or compassion she was now at a swinger’s club with her soon to be ex husband trying to get him a shag. Because of course she didn’t want to shag him so there would surely be some unsuspecting swinger woman around who would do the job.
This was a lot to process and my poker face failed me. They asked if I was shocked. The answer to the question was probably yes although I was trying to be supportive and positive and so of course I said no. Everyone’s relationship was different. Essentially I was just trying to process what I had just been told. Once some of the processing had come to pass I started to get annoyed. Even this morning processing is still happening and my irritation at these people’s misconceptions and disrespect for other relationships is growing.
My irritation is on so many different levels it is hard to express coherently. I did manage to express some of my concerns before we parted company with these people. I told Mrs 25 year marraige that if her husband was here just because he thought it was an easy place to get sex and he wasn’t actually interested in being part of our lifestyle then he was showing a massive disrespect for what we were about. I would have told Mr 25 year marraige the same thing but he was incapable of focussing on a conversation. At least with me.
So we have a socially inept guy who was basically perving as much as he possibly could and waiting around for his ex wife who gave up her Saturday night to fulfil a promise made in a dead marraige to get him some sex. I started to have a very clear picture of why he was having trouble getting laid. I was also certain that I WASN’T going to be the one to shag him.
But what got me really going was the complete lack of consideration of both of these people. Swinging is a big deal. For many couples it is incredibly challenging and it often takes months or years to get the courage to take that first step to invite other people into their most private of spaces, their bedroom. Consensual sex outside a marraige goes against the grain of our culture so strongly that swinging is never portrayed in mainstream media in a positive light, ever. And here were two people invading the space of this lifestyle and selfishly, thoughtlessly expecting that they would be able to put tab B into slot A as it suited them. Relevant questions like “what are you looking for?” And “do you intend to be part of this lifestyle on an ongoing basis?” Were greeted with blank looks like I had just asked them did they want a second head.
Seriously! Words fail me. This is the problem with a lot of singles in the scene, especially males. The traditional definition for swinging is ‘wife swapping’ it happens between COUPLES. The reason why so many couples are cautious about singles is that many of them have almost zero respect for the relationship of the couple. In this case it went even further. These guys seemed to think that not only were our relationships weird and irrelevant, but as people we were just there to be used as their personal play things. Their idea of coming to a swing club to get sex for Mr did not take into account that the women that he was seeking came as part of a package and he needed to ensure that the whole package was on board with what was happening. If this guy needed sex that badly and was completely incapable of getting it through regular channels then perhaps he should be looking up brothels.
I could rant for hours about the idiocy of these people but I am sure you all get the point. Take home message for me from that evening; social awkwardness is not always a sign that a person is misunderstood. Sometimes a person is socially awkward because he or she is a genuine arsehole.
1. What did you have for breakfast?
Cornflakes, muslie, low fat youghurt and fresh paw paw (papaya). I really need to eat a good breakfast otherwise things don’t go well for the people around me. Having to deal with a classes of 12 to 14 year olds really requires good mental function and stamina. Not something you can achieve on an empty stomach.
2. What clothes did you put on?
Black trousers, long sleeved top and black boots. These knickers;
Much to the dissapointment of my students I chose not to wear my bright red fake Dr Martens.
3. What did you have for lunch?
Leftover chicken drumsticks and a ham, cheese and tomato sandwhich. I am trying to eliminate bread from my diet but it is proving a lot harder than I thought it would be.
4. What about dinner? What did you have? Who cooked it? Who did the dishes?
I had roast beef and gravy with boiled veg, corn on the cob, beans and home grown broccoli. I had a cook a thon on the weekend and cooked the roast then. Mr Jones put together the veg. I had an information evening at my son’s school and was late home. Normally I cook and he cleans. Last night he cooked and cleaned. He really is very helpful a lot of the time.
5. Did you, or are you going to, travel today? Where to? Car, bus, train or plane?
My travel consisted of the usual running around. Dropping kids at the bus, taking myself to work, picking said kids up and taking them to their after school function. I was living vicariously through Pet who was undertaking a three day road trip from the Sunshine Coast to Weipa which is a total distance of 2,400 km.
Mail? Who uses mail these days? The only actual mail I get is junk mail. Although I was preparing a pair of knickers to mail to someone. I haven’t actually put them in the envelope yet, does that count?
7. Did you send or get any interesting email?
I don’t check my personal email that often. Work wise an email was sent around regarding some proposed changes to scheduling for next year which has caused a huge amount of discussion.
8. Did you text or skype or use messenger, or other internet communications?
A couple of texts from Pet regarding his progress and a couple of Twitter messages regarding sale of knickers pretty standard stuff really.
9. Did you use the internet for sex, e.g. watch porn?
I actually don’t get a lot of down time in my day usually. With three other adults and two teenagers living in a four bedroom house the opportunity for that kind of privacy is extremely limited. I sometimes get more privacy at my desk in an open plan office than I do at home!!!!
Bonus: Did you get laid today?
See the answer to number 9. Combine that with the exhaustion that comes from being a super mother and a teacher of teenagers and sex is a luxury that is usually reserved for the weekend.