TMI  Tuesday Lets Do This! 

  
1. How many people do you really trust?

Fully, absolutely trust with my life? None. Mr Jones is the person I have the most trust in but I guess I have been let down by way too many people way too many times. While I was writing this it occurred to me that I probably need a dog in my life but I love my cat way too much. And while he is the most loving, affectionate and needy cat I have ever met he is still a cat and everyone knows cats are fickle creatures. 

2. What are you excited for?

This is probably a bit sad but I am currently excited that this is hump week. Meaning the middle week of the term. When this week is over the next two weeks of school holidays are closer than the last lot. Which is always a great way for things to be. 

 3. Have you had sex today? 

Considering it is 6.30 in the morning it isn’t surprising that the answer is no. I did have a dates with Pet  planned for tonight but real life got in the way so at the moment there are no concrete plans for sex in the immediate future. 

4. When was the last time you talked to someone until you fell asleep? What relation are they to you?

This is something that Mr Jones and I regularly do. Mostly because he is a night owl and I am an early bird. So we often end up in bed at night chatting because he is still wide awake. I usually end up falling asleep mid conversation because I am so exhausted from the day. 

5. What is your opinion on sex before marriage?

Is this seriously an issue still? I think we need to wake up to the fact that saving yourself for marraige is such an outdated practise. It is as outdated as the idea that virginity is something of value. In my experience parents who push the idea to their kids that saving yourself is the right thing to do are doing more harm than good. This is because these parents are reluctant to help their children to learn the skills and information they need to make responsible sexual decisions and have a healthy confidence in their sexuality. Kids who are encouraged to save themselves or worse, given an abstinence based sex education ar set up to spend a large part of their sexual life missing out on truly expressing themselves because of all the hang ups their parents planted in their young impressionable minds. 

I could rant some more but I suspect that I have made my point and any more would bore you. 

Bonus: Does your present lover know any of your past lovers? How well?

All of my present lovers know about each other. Mr Jones is aware of most of my significant previous relationships and of course all of the ones I have had since we have been together. Does he know about every man I fucked when I was in my early twenties? Truthfully, that was such a long time ago that I don’t think I can even list them all. We have been married for seventeen years. Some guy I had a roll in the hay with when I was 20 is really not significant now. 

PS I have just had a pre-posting read through this and realised I was a tiny bit grumpy when I wrote this. I think I need more meditation in my life. 

If you would like more TMI goodness make sure you check out the other responses at the TMI Tuesday page. 

The Morning After

The morning after a night out is always a time to reflect and muse over the people I met and their stories. This morning is no different in that regard. What is different about this morning is that my musings are not about sexy naked people and skin on skin contact but more confusion and a little irritation at what goes through some people’s heads. 

Last night was one of those nights when everyone is new and no body seemed to want to talk or socialise that much. Well at least not with us. We did meet a lovely couple and some sexy fun was had but as usual you have to work your way through the chaff to find the good grain. In this instance the chaff was a couple who presented as new, married for 25 years and seemingly very nervous. Pretty stock standard until asked what they were looking for. Their reply was a little confusing,

“I am just here to look after him.” Said by Mrs 25 year marraige.

A bit of a weird response. It made a lot more sense as the conversation progressed and we learned that they had indeed been married for 25 years but were in the process of a ‘conscious uncoupling‘. Yes that is a weird concept but really it is the only way I could rationalise a couple who were in their minds separated but sitting in a swinger’s club seeking a sexual experience together. 

Well of course there was more to it than that. She had found a ‘new partner’ and now out of some weird sense of duty or compassion she was now at a swinger’s club with her soon to be ex husband trying to get him a shag. Because of course she didn’t want to shag him so there would surely be some unsuspecting swinger woman around who would do the job. 

This was a lot to process and my poker face failed me. They asked if I was shocked. The answer to the question was probably yes although I was trying to be supportive and positive and so of course I said no. Everyone’s relationship was different. Essentially I was just trying to process what I had just been told. Once some of the processing had come to pass I started to get annoyed. Even this morning processing is still happening and my irritation at these people’s misconceptions and disrespect for other relationships is growing. 

My irritation is on so many different levels it is hard to express coherently. I did manage to express some of my concerns before we parted company with these people. I told Mrs 25 year marraige that if her husband was here just because he thought it was an easy place to get sex and he wasn’t actually interested in being part of our lifestyle then he was showing a massive disrespect for what we were about. I would have told Mr 25 year marraige the same thing but he was incapable of focussing on a conversation. At least with me. 

So we have a socially inept guy who was basically perving as much as he possibly could and waiting around for his ex wife who gave up her Saturday night to fulfil a promise made in a dead marraige to get him some sex. I started to have a very clear picture of why he was having trouble getting laid. I was also certain that I WASN’T going to be the one to shag him. 

But what got me really going was the complete lack of consideration of both of these people. Swinging is a big deal. For many couples it is incredibly challenging and it often takes months or years to get the courage to take that first step to invite other people into their most private of spaces, their bedroom. Consensual sex outside a marraige goes against the grain of our culture so strongly that swinging is never portrayed in mainstream media in a positive light, ever. And here were two people invading the space of this lifestyle and selfishly, thoughtlessly expecting that they would be able to put tab B into slot A as it suited them. Relevant questions like “what are you looking for?” And “do you intend to be part of this lifestyle on an ongoing basis?” Were greeted with blank looks like I had just asked them did they want a second head. 

Seriously! Words fail me. This is the problem with a lot of singles in the scene, especially males. The traditional definition for swinging is ‘wife swapping’ it happens between COUPLES. The reason why so many couples are cautious about singles is that many of them have almost zero respect for the relationship of the couple. In this case it went even further. These guys seemed to think that not only were our relationships weird and irrelevant, but as people we were just there to be used as their personal play things. Their idea of coming to a swing club to get sex for Mr did not take into account that the women that he was seeking came as part of a package and he needed to ensure that the whole package was on board with what was happening.  If this guy needed sex that badly and was completely incapable of getting it through regular channels then perhaps he should be looking up brothels. 

I could rant for hours about the idiocy of these people but I am sure you all get the point. Take home message for me from that evening; social awkwardness is not always a sign that a person is misunderstood. Sometimes a person is socially awkward because he or she is a genuine arsehole. 

TMI Tuesday 27 July

  
This week’s questions were put together by recusen. A reasonably typical Tuesday for me. If you want to read about other perople’s days head on over to the TMI site 

1. What did you have for breakfast?

Cornflakes, muslie, low fat youghurt and fresh paw paw (papaya). I really need to eat a good breakfast otherwise things don’t go well for the people around me. Having to deal with a classes of 12 to 14 year olds really requires good mental function and stamina. Not something you can achieve on an empty stomach. 

2. What clothes did you put on?

Black trousers, long sleeved top and black boots. These knickers;

  
I just realised there is a hole in them!!!!

Much to the dissapointment of my students I chose not to wear my bright red fake Dr Martens.

3. What did you have for lunch?

Leftover chicken drumsticks and a ham, cheese and tomato sandwhich. I am trying to eliminate bread from my diet but it is proving a lot harder than I thought it would be. 

4. What about dinner? What did you have? Who cooked it? Who did the dishes?

I had roast beef and gravy with boiled veg, corn on the cob, beans and home grown broccoli. I had a cook a thon  on the weekend and cooked the roast then. Mr Jones put together the veg. I had an information evening at my son’s school and was late home. Normally I cook and he cleans. Last night he cooked and cleaned. He really is very helpful a lot of the time. 

5. Did you, or are you going to, travel today? Where to? Car, bus, train or plane?

My travel consisted of the usual running around. Dropping kids at the bus, taking myself to work, picking said kids up and taking them to their after school function. I was living vicariously through Pet who was undertaking a three day road trip from the Sunshine Coast to Weipa which is a total distance of 2,400 km.

  
6. Did you mail anything? Did you get anything interesting in the mail?

Mail? Who uses mail these days? The only actual mail I get is junk mail. Although I was preparing a pair of knickers to mail to someone. I haven’t actually put them in the envelope yet, does that count? 

7. Did you send or get any interesting email?

I don’t check my personal email that often. Work wise an email was sent around regarding some proposed changes to scheduling for next year which has caused a huge amount of discussion. 

8. Did you text or skype or use messenger, or other internet communications?

A couple of texts from Pet regarding his progress and a couple of Twitter messages regarding sale of knickers pretty standard stuff really. 

9. Did you use the internet for sex, e.g. watch porn?

I actually don’t get a lot of down time in my day usually. With three other adults and two teenagers living in a four bedroom house the opportunity for that kind of privacy is extremely limited. I sometimes get more privacy at my desk in an open plan office than I do at home!!!!

Bonus: Did you get laid today?

See the answer to number 9. Combine that with the exhaustion that comes from being a super mother and a teacher of teenagers and sex is a luxury that is usually reserved for the weekend. 

The Big Red Door Part 2

Our second visit to Couples International was accompanied by much nervous energy. We were like teenagers going to our first grown up party; nervous, excited and terrified of not being accepted. Our first visit had given us an idea of what to expect and what was expected of us. We had talked a little about participating in action this time. The possibility of participating in some action this time was tantalising. It has taken me until now, five years later, to admit to myself that I was really ready to legitimately experience another cock.

In the excitement of preparation other things bothered us. Like what should we wear and will our grooming be good enough? I had recently lost some weight and was feeling thinner and fitter than I had for most of my adult life. In line with this I had acquired a dress that was short, had a low neckline and was made from red satin. Mr Jones had purchased it for me as a birthday present for himself. Kind of unusual but I wasn’t protesting. It was the kind of dress i had always wanted to wear but had always held back from wearing because it was too revealing and I was too fat. The usual excuses. But now finally I felt thin enough and I had somewhere to go where revealing clothing was the norm.

We made our way through the big red door to find the club a lot busier than it had been the last time we had visited. It was some kind of theme night, I don’t remember what the theme was but we had chosen not to dress in theme. We were not the only ones but we were in the minority. At the time we didn’t know that dressing in costume and participating in theme is a staple of swingers parties.

The little red dress created attention. Hardly surprising really, it was designed to do just that. I was approached by several guys quite early in the evening. My ego was nicely stroked and I found myself coming out of my shell a little. The seed that was to later bloom into fully fledged exhibitionism was germinated.

On the flip side of all this was Mr Jones who didn’t have a similar way of attracting the attention of women. For men it is harder. You can’t just turn up looking hot and be showered in attention. Instead you are part of the crowd who is vying for the attention of the person who has turned up looking hot. For women improving confidence is relatively simple. You put on a dress and some shoes and open yourself up to accept compliments. For a man you have to find someone to give you compliments and then beat off all the already confident men vying for her attention somehow.

On this particular night I am a little ashamed to admit that I was caught up in the attention that I was receiving and didn’t notice the struggle Mr Jones was having. Having an admiring audience is a wonderful thing but it is like wine, too much and you can end up acting like an inconsiderate idiot.

To cut a long story short we ended up in a room with two people who had sex with each other but they were certainly not a couple in the accepted sense. The main reason we were there was because this guy had propositioned me and I was all revved up and ready to go. At the last minute I had said “we only play together with other couples” which had been our major rule for the night. Magically he whipped up a girl who was his fuckbuddy. I was too naive and Mr Jones was not confident enough to say no.

Of course it turned out that she was more interested in me that Mr Jones, another issue we had to learn about, and the encounter was brief and by today’s standards pretty unsatisfactory.

We went away from the evening with a lot of ‘stuff’ rattling around between us. On the whole our experience was a positive one and we witnessed a lot of things that were intensely exciting. These first evenings were the ones that introduced me to the joys of watching live sex. I had never really been much of a porn fan but watching real people have real sex is stimulating in a way that porn, even very good porn, can never be.

Of course there were other less positive things to discuss and work through. Mr Jones made his feelings about being dragged into a situation that was not that exciting to him known and we learned our first lessons about one of the key aspects to being successful in this world, communication. For many people communication is about saying what you want to say. But real communication is about saying what you want to say in a non – aggressive way and listening to what the other person has to say in a non-judgemental way. It takes time to become skilled at this. It also takes a willingness to deal with baggage from the past.

In our situation Mr Jones had a history of feeling like a wallflower both in my company and with other partners. This made his reaction to my popularity and his lack in that area stronger and more marked. For my part I found it a little difficult to be sympathetic. I felt like he was asking me to sit in the corner with him and miss the fun. The same thing had happened in more vanilla social situations and it had always frustrated me. This time was no different.

The other aspect of this happening was the issue of finding a couple we both found attractive. We were to learn that this is something almost everyone struggles with. For me I found it incredibly difficult to tell what Mr Jones found attractive. He was reasonably vocal about what he didn’t like but very non-specific about what he did like. In the situation we had just faced the woman was very curvy. Mr Jones made it very clear that he didn’t like fat women but in true form could not give an indication of what he did like.

At the time I took on board his comments quickly and easily. I didn’t realise how hard it would prove to be to find a couple we both enjoyed. More importantly I didn’t realise how much angst Mr Jones’ tendency to be critical but not forthcoming about what he exactly wanted was going to cause me. I also didn’t realise how hard it could prove to be to voice my own desires and take a stand that ensured that I was happy with my end of the bargain.

Both of us were excited to take on this new and racy lifestyle. Neither of us understood how much we had to learn.

Goddess Worship

A few nights ago I received an interesting proposition from a gentleman that I have known for a couple of years. Mr Jones and I have enjoyed some excellent sex with this gentleman and his very sexy wife several times over those years. Every time we have met and played together it has been all four of us in the same room. Definitely we have swapped partners but there has never been talk of them enjoying sexy time without their partner being at least in the same house. Yet there it was, a message asking if I could come and visit him at a time and place where his wife would not be present. When I enquired about her knowledge of the adventure his reply was; “It will be our little secret” 

This was not the kind of guy I would have ever imagined wanting to cheat on his wife. I was taken aback by his approach and it put me in a dilemma, I had very much enjoyed his company but I really didn’t want to get involved in a situation like that? In the end I refused. I hope politely. 
Single women in I have met have told me that of 90 – 95% of the couples they meet they will be approached by the man later asking for separate and secret sex. But to be approached by someone who is involved in swinging with their partner and still wants to cheat? I don’t get it. Why do they feel the need for more?
For some people infidelity is black and white. Either you do it and you are the scum of the earth or you don’t do it and you think everyone who does is the scum of the earth. I have learned over the years of talking with people who either commit or think seriously about infidelity, both men and women, that life is never that simple. I have also come to have the very firm belief that other people’s marriages are their business. I don’t have the right, or the knowledge of the situation to make any kind of judgement call about how people choose to conduct their relationship. In the past I have enabled people to commit adultery, either directly by participating, or indirectly by providing an alibi. Some of these situations have been very mutually satisfying and some have not exactly gone according to plan and resulted in people being caught out in a lie. When a cheater is caught in a lie I have observed their reaction is usually to tell more and bigger lies. I am always astounded by the obvious faults in these lies and how the victims of the cheating usually buy into the lies. This acceptance led me to adopt the policy of not judging a cheater. In every situation there are more facets than we can observe and often the supposed victim of the cheating is making a choice to turn a blind eye to what is going on.
I could write pages and pages about this but it isn’t the point of my post. As I said I have fucked people who are cheating on their partner before and it has been all kinds of hot and horny fun. So why did I turn down someone who has a proven, very excellent, track record based purely on the fact that what he is proposing is cheating on his wife? The answer is not what you may think, I have not become a moral and upstanding member of the community. 
In short I am not interested in being involved with someone who is not free to give me the time and attention that I deserve. As I have proclaimed before, I am a Goddess. If your situation does not give you the freedom to give me the attention worthy of my status then I am simply not interested. I have a very busy life and when I take the time out to hook up it has to be on my terms and it most definitely has to be very very satisfying. Don’t get me wrong, all of my partners will attest that I am most definitely a giving bed partner. But know this; if my feelings after an encounter are meh then I will not be placing a priority on going back for more. In my experience people who feel the need to sneak around behind their partner’s backs are very self centred. This often leads to sex which is great for them but pretty meh for me. Not something I am interested in. 

The other aspect of cheaters that I refuse to buy into is that they seem to think that asking a girl to drop everything, drive for thirty or forty minutes and hook up for thirty minutes of sex in the back seat of a car while their wife watches CSI is acceptable. It isn’t. Maybe when I was nineteen and hadn’t realised that my life wasn’t a door mat for other people to wipe their feet on, but as a forty-two year old who is very aware of my value definitely not. In short, if you want access to my vagina it is on my terms and my terms are; you turn up on time and you make sure you are able to give me and my vagina the attention it deserves. 

  

Goals

Last week Rebel has made the prompt for Wicked Wednesday Goals. You can read her post about the prompt here Despite my best laid plans I didn’t manage to get a post completed on time but I still wanted to share it.

One of the things that a lot of people in my sexual world seem to talk about is the eternal “Fucket List” – the sexual version of the Bucket List. It is a pretty standard conversation starter when sussing out a new or potential partner. There is nothing better than meeting someone you find attractive who has something on their Fucket List that matches an item on yours.

Often however when I am asked what I have on my Fucket List I find myself at a bit of a loss to come up with something interesting. I have engaged in some pretty interesting sexual exploits in the last five or so years, many of them involving sex or sex acts in public places or places where the risk of being spotted doing something highly inappropriate make the experience even more stimulating. However the bulk of these antics were not planned or pre-conceived. Mostly they were the result of acting on a spur of the moment impulse with a better than expected outcome. So when asked what I have on my Fucket list I often come up empty handed. Unless of course I happen to be in a department store, movie theatre, moving vehicle, or a boardroom where the possibilities just scream from the rafters. I sometimes come up with ideas based on literature that I have been reading recently but sadly my life does not allow for too much time to do that sort of thing at the moment.

On top of all of this I seem to have the sexual attention span of a goldfish. Something I find highly desirable today slips off the radar tomorrow. There are a few fantasies that do have endurance though and so I will list them here. Hold on to your hats; this is the first time I have ever put a list on the record!!

1. It is a long held fantasy to be at a club or a party and to be sitting either on a couch or in the floor against the wall and to be giving head to a series of men. I don’t have control over who the men are. Mr Jones possibly is controlling them and their access to me but I essentially don’t have control. I am just sucking as much cock as is offered to me.

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Something about a surface like this just seems to get me going

2. Another relatively long held fantasy is to have sex on a boardroom table in the boardroom of a relatively large swanky company. My partner doesn’t necessarily have to be the CEO. It is a little bit cliche but I like the element of danger or possibility of being discovered.

3. This one popped in to my head more recently but it is something that Mr Jones and I have discussed off and on and that is to visit a lifestyle resort similar to Desire or Hedonism. There are some places in Australia that are swinger friendly but nothing on the scale of these places. Another variation of this idea is to go on a lifestyle cruise but again there are none of these in Australia so this is more of a long term goal.

4. Mr Jones and myself like to go on regular cruises and every time we do we discuss (in a very pie in the sky way) the possibility of picking up a couple and having a fling. This is more of a nice idea than something we could actually do but if you never ask then you can never have.

And so that is the first ever and maybe the only ever recorded version of Gemma Jones’ Fucket List. Probably the closest thing I have to a sexual goal.

TMI Tuesday – Falling in Love

This week the topic posted on the TMI site celebrates spring as this season is fast approaching in the Northern Hemisphere. Here in the Southern Hemisphere the days are getting shorter and we are officially in Autumn. Where I live summer is still hanging on with a vengeance. So I have modified the questions slightly to suit. For more TMI goodness check out the other posts on the TMI Tuesday page.

1. Spring vacation, will you take one? Where?
In Australia it is traditional to take a short vacation around Easter which is on 5 April. My family and I will be heading away this year for a week at the beach which I am very much looking forward to.

Spring time love.
2. Do you become friskier as the temperatures outside heat up?

I will admit that I do find it exciting when the temperatures outside climb high enough to start shedding clothing. But right now after several months of incredible humidity and ridiculous temperatures I am looking forward to being able to cuddle without a layer of sweat building up between us within the first thirty seconds

3. Do you flirt more in spring vs. other times of the year?
I haven’t actually thought about wether there is a seasonal trend to my flirting. Generally I flirt more when I am feeling relaxed and comfortable with life. That can happen any time of the year really.

4. Do you dress sexier in the spring?
I wear less clothing in the warmer months which for most people means sexier I guess. I am fortunate to live in a climate that is quite warm for most of the year and so even during the coldest months there isn’t really a need to wear layers and layers of clothing. One thing that I can only wear during the cooler months is boots. Right now I am happily anticipating the cooler months so that I can get out my knee high boots and shop around for a new pair of thigh highs.

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5. What day of the week do you have sex most often?
Until quite recently Mr Jones and I had an almost religious Saturday morning routine. However one of our children has taken up a Saturday morning sport which has totally blasted that one out of the water. People who think small children kill your sex life should wait until they have teenagers! Honestly I can’t even begin to count the creative ways my teenagers conspire to kill my sex life.

Falling in love takes one-fifth of a second
It takes a fifth-of-a-second for the euphoria-inducing chemicals to start acting on the brain when you are looking at that special someone. –Source
6. Do you use kissing as an important way to test out a new mate? Good kissers, keep and move forward to another stage in a budding relationship. Bad kissers, get pruned and dumped.
I am in a very long term relationship so I am not looking for a love type partner. I am open to the possibility of a new sex partner however. There is something incredibly sexy about that first kiss which makes me want to fuck the right person right then and there!

7. What do you expect from marriage?
a. safety and solidarity and security
b. a journey towards self-fulfillment and self-actualization with a partner that ‘gets’ you.

In my completely honest opinion I expect both a. and b. from my marriage, I do expect safety, solidarity and security, not the financial, traditional type but most definitely I expect my relationship to be a place where I can safely express myself. I expect that my relationship is secure and I know where I stand from one day to the next and I expect my partner to be on my side especially when it comes to important things like parenting children and dealing with extended family issues.
I believe that if all of these things are in place then a ‘journey towards self -fulfilment and self-actualisation’ will follow as a matter of course.

8. Acts of love &; kindness. Which would mean more to you:
a. Taking your partner a cup of tea in bed (or receiving that cup of tea)
b. Giving or receiving a box of chocolates or flowers

For me the most romantic thing someone can do for me is pay attention to what is happening in my life at the time and perform an act that is designed to help me with something I am struggling with. This week Mr Jones has really stepped up to the plate. Coming home in the afternoon to a clean house has meant much more than coming home to a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates.

Bonus: In your late teens or early 20s did you take wild spring break vacations with friends? What is the wildest, craziest, sexiest thing you did on a “gone wild” spring break?
I was a very, very boring teenager and sadly I have no tales of drunken wild party filled holidays to share with my children.
I do however have every intention of taking vacations that my children worry about my grandchildren discovering as I head into retirement.

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TMI Tuesday – Sexpectations

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1. What are some challenges related to your sex life?
The main challenge that our sex life faces at the moment is being the parents of two teenage children. They don’t go to bed nice and early like they used to and unfortunately our bedroom opens into the main kitchen/living space of our house. The kids think that this makes our bedroom an extension of the lounge room. Not conducive to intimacy or a great sex life.

2. Is quality or quantity most important?
For a long time a great source of tension in our marriage was the quantity of sex. When one partner feels that they are not getting enough it becomes difficult to focus on quality and to let squabbles about quantity become all consuming.
A long journey later my focus has become very much on quality. Of course the old demon of quantity still rears its ugly head from time to time but it is becoming easier to tame.

3. How much sex is enough?
Continuing on from the last question this is a question I have asked Mr Jones and myself many times over the eighteen years of our relationship. I have never really come up with an absolute quantity.
Having said that it is easy to tell when you are not getting enough sex in our relationship. When I start to feel a distance and decrease in intimacy I know that it is time to take drastic action.

4. I want to have more _____ .
Sexy underwear and shoes. Two things you can never have enough of in your wardrobe.

5. I would like to attempt new sex positions such as _____ .
I honestly can’t think of a sex position that I have been wanting to try. Usually if there is something new to try I try it straight away. My attention span is really short. I have to strike while the iron is hot.

6. I would like to stop doing _____ sex position.
I can’t understand why anyone would keep doing anything sexual that they don’t enjoy. There is compromise and there is taking one for the team. Compromise is something that may entail a bit of give and take but definitely not something that you don’t enjoy but agree to do again.

7. To me foreplay means _____ .
Anything that gets your motor running. Anything.

8. Something I think about a lot related to sex is _____ .
I cannot think of a single thing that I think about a lot, related to sex. The things that spring to mind are making Pet’s ass nice and pink, Mr Jones’ cock and squirting.

Bonus: Tell us something you love about your sex life.
I love the freedom that I have to experience adventures as they come to mind. Even though it has been a long journey and sometimes hard work the process that Mr Jones and I have gone through has allowed us to enjoy adventures and experiences that many people aren’t even able to imagine.
Ten years ago I would never have believed that I would come this far.

Make sure that you visit the TMI Tuesday page for more TMI goodness.

What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?

As some of my colleagues and I shared a drink to celebrate the end of another week attempting to educate other people’s children the conversation turned to what everyone was planning for Valentine’s Day. A range of ideas were shared including simple nights in watching movies to potential dinner dates and movie dates to the heavily promoted “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

I have mixed feelings about this book/movie franchise. Reqding the first book didnt  convince me it was a good idea to spend my hard earned cash or precious time on the second and third books. For me the book consisted of a string of unrealistic scenarios that titillated a little at first but became monotonous as time went on.

The thing that really got under my skin was how unrealistic everything was. I mean how many people out there have an earth shattering number of orgasms the first time we have sex? How many twenty year old virgins would even consider getting in to a relationship with someone as intense and demanding as Christian Grey, no matter how much money he had? I understand that the reason for the book’s popularity is the whole Mills and Boon style romantic fantasy. I also get that for most people this is the first book they have read that describes sex in graphic detail.Maybe that is why the books took off; not because they are good literature but because it is different.

As part of a promotion for the movie release a local radio station has this week been running a segment featuring a couple whose sex life has wandered away from regular lust filled nights to more mundane and less regular sessions. The deal was that the couple were to spend the week having sex every day, trying something that they hadn’t tried each time. Of course bondage featured as one of the ‘tasks’ the couple were required to complete but the whole focus was more on increasing the intimacy between them based on the alarming statistic that 70% of couples don’t feel there is enough intimacy in their relationship.

At the end of the week the sum up for the couple was that being forced in a way to complete the tasks and make the effort made a difference. This may come as a surprise to you all but I found many similarities between their situation and my own. Yes I am a sex goddess but I am also a full time teacher and a super mother. Sometimes the sex goddess is a role I only put on for other people in the same way that you clean your house for guests and put out the good china.

During this week I decided to take on board some of what the radio station guinea pigs were doing. I made sure I put priority on cuddles and doing the things I know Mr Jones likes. We talked about being more intimate and communicated our thoughts and ideas. I put in the sex goddess for him as well as my other fans. In the end it worked. The little rift that was opening up between us has closed nicely.In true superwoman style I was able to still cover all my other bases, including being a legendary sex goddess for Pet, and still rock the world with my husband. Somi have to agree with the line that was being promoted on the radio station, sometimes the excuses offered for a decrease in intimacy between couples are just that, excuses. If you make you relationship a priority those excuses fade away.

So where does all this fit into Fifty Shades? There are a lot of articles and blog posts that express different viewpoints about FSOG. Many of the ones I have come across are quite negative. My thoughts; There are issues with this book. It does stylise and romanticise bondage in a way that doesn’t help people who are genuinely curious, it does make the abuse of power in a relationship look romantic and desirable and it definitely presents a very inaccurate picture of the BDSM world. But there are positives about it. In a world obsessed with sex but full of people who don’t know how to go about making their relationships more satisfying at least it got some of us talking about sex. At the least it opened the mainstream public’s eyes to the possibility that there is something other than lights out missionary position, once a year sex. It is up to the community of enlightened people now to continue with the momentum and get more helpful, positive stories and information out there.

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