Other People’s Relationships

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

We had lunch yesterday with Mr and Mrs Bubble. Both are long term swingers. Both are currently dating other people outside their primary relationship. Mr Bubble is very much a go with the flow person. Drama, ultimatums and other turbulence are not his style. His other is a perfectly lovely woman. Wise, kind, down to earth, honest and someone I would welcome into my marriage dynamic.

Mrs Bubble is a completely different kettle of fish. She loves to socialise and be the life of the party. She is also wise kind and a great person to be friends with. In the past she had a relationship with a man that was a spectacular failure. It almost cost her her marriage to Mr Bubble and it did cost her a lot of emotional turmoil. After a recovery period she has met and is very much enjoying another young man. Most of the initial honey moon phase happened while we were away. She told me about him via message and it all seemed peachy. As we re-inserted ourselves into blue pill world and re-connected with friends and acquaintances we heard mutterings and disquiet about this relationship. Many of Mrs Bubble’s friends were concerned about this relationship, how besotted Mrs Bubble was, how young he was and just where it was going. I met the new boy a couple of times. He has said about five words to me and we have had the most superficial of interactions. I can see how she finds him visually attractive. The jury is out on his personality.

Recent conversations with Mr and Mrs Bubble have revealed that the new boy is, in fact in a live in relationship with another woman who until about a week ago didn’t really understand the nature of her boyfriend’s relationship with Mrs Bubble. Both The Bubbles are quite critical of this relationship. In their opinion she acts in a completely unreasonable way. There are fits of yelling, isolation by the silent treatment and she isolates him when they do socialise together by speaking her native language with her friends. English is a language she is still learning and he definitely does not speak hers. Despite this The Bubbles admit they have only heard one version of events.

It would be easy to judge in this situation. Easy to judge the girlfriend for being a screaming, unreasonable, demanding woman. Her behaviour is definitely something most westerners would not tolerate; but we need to stop and  consider what we do know about her. She has been wronged. She is living in a country with a very different culture from the one she grew up in, trying to learn a different language and set of behaviours that must seem quite foreign. The relationship with The New Boy is key to her staying in Australia. Without it she goes home. Home to what? As I said to Mr Jones there must be a reason that so many women from SE Asia put themselves into bad relationships, rely on men who exploit them and behave in the only way they know to control a relationship to avoid going back. I don’t think white middle class Australians understand that.

We could judge Mrs Bubble for getting involved with him in the first place. I, personally, would have put the skids on the whole deal when I learned he was sneaking around behind his girlfriend’s back. My personal feelings on this kind of situation are a little unconventional and go like this. He is making the choices. Any wrongdoing is on him. But I am not up for getting abusive phone calls or messages from a jealous, outraged wife / girlfriend. But Mrs Bubble is not me. Her position is that she isn’t doing anything wrong. And she ISN’T. She ISN’T the reason that his relationship is failing. She is a symptom of that. She isn’t lying to anyone. She is also making sure that The New Boy does have a basic level of respect for his girlfriend and at least gives communication to reassure her about his safety. 

Finally, we could judge The New Boy. He is the one doing the cheating. He is the one with the power to walk away from the toxic relationship. But again there are mitigating circumstances. It is a big responsibility to know that if you end this the other person may have to go back to their country of origin, to a life that they clearly will go to great lengths to escape. In addition, this Covid affected world has created a housing issue in Australia. Many people have come back to Australia from overseas to ride out the pandemic in the relative safety of a country that has isolated itself from the rest of the world. Housing occupancy is ridiculously high. Meaning renters struggle to find, let alone afford, a place. The New Boy is young and works in hospitality, an industry that has suffered. He can’t afford to rent an apartment by himself.

All of these things make this situation one complicated mess. It is easy to take one or the other person’s side. It would be easy to judge one or two or all of the parties involved. Many people have aligned themselves with a particular person thinking that would make them a good friend. It may, to a certain extent. There have been times when this topic has come up in conversation that I have had to stop myself from spouting my opinion. From forcing my way of thinking into someone’s ideas. I have also had to be very aware of Mr Jones. He has less self control than me and says offensive stuff all the time. It comes from a place of love and honesty but someone who struggles to give correct names to stuff cannot express themselves accurately about something this complex and is guaranteed to say something he will regret. I have repeated the phrase, “Other people’s relationships are other people’s business” quite a few times. He knows what this means – “Don’t discuss this here, it isn’t your place to offer an opinion about someone behind their back. Besides you DON’T know everything about it.”

 I introduced a new term to him yesterday, “Loose lips sink ships,”. The Bubbles are influential in our little world. They know a lot of people which is why we find ourselves in conversations about this topic almost everywhere we go. Some of what we have been told by The Bubbles themselves I don’t think is common knowledge. Putting our knowledge into the common domain will only serve to muddy the waters further. Discussing this topic everywhere we go only creates more interest and judgement. Besides, gossiping will not solve anything. It won’t create an epiphany of realisation on one of the parties involved part. It will just create negativity, feelings of self righteousness and ultimately isolate some beautiful warm people.

Sitting at lunch listening to The Bubbles talk about their feelings and ideas I found myself wondering what is the right thing to do here. I didn’t think they wanted advice. I KNOW they probably are getting it in spades from other people. I don’t feel that my opinion would add any value. But I didn’t want to sit there looking empty headed and acting like a gossip sponge soaking up all the information to spread it around later. In the past I don’t think I would have been so self aware and I possibly WOULD have soaked up the gossip to repeat it at the earliest opportunity. but I believe that one has to act in the way one would like to be treated. In my professional world, gossip about my after dark activities could be disastrous. I go to great lengths to keep those two worlds apart but sometimes there is a little bleed over. Sometimes I say stuff that is completely unconscious that makes people wonder. Especially people who possibly also walk in this world. It would be amusing to find out how many people in my school actually do. I know of one for certain and have suspicions about a couple more. 

But I digress. I guess after all this rambling I don’t have a major world changing closing statement. What I do have are the two statements I have told Mr Jones. “Other people’s relationships are their own business”. We will never know all the ins and outs of a situation. We almost never get to hear both (?) sides of a story and we never see all the events unfold. The second is “Loose lips sink ships” Gossip never did anyone any good. In fact it usually ends up causing havoc. To that end one should never feed it. 

Wicked Wednesday

Friday Flashback – Home Delivery

It has been several years since Mr Fix It and I were regular FWBs. Back in the day we did have a lot of fun. This particular day was one of the highlights for me. I sincerely hope it was the same for him.

My week had been pretty busy with vanilla things. A couple of months back when I was in the throes of full on full time study I had fantasised about all the things I would get up to when study took a break for a while and I had a bit of time to myself. Of course it was a fantasy. Things never work out the way we imagine but that is life However things perked up when I received this text. 

Have a great hump day. Would you like to be at my place between 9 and 9.30 so I can pamper you nicely.

He is always so polite. I love that about him. And of course I wanted a morning of pamper. Who wouldn’t so I messaged back;

A morning of pamper sounds nice. I shall bring the massage table and the nail polish? Any other requests?

To which he replied;

I think that is it. I would really like it if you could wear something sexy for me. 

Now even though the original offer was for pampering for myself how could I not give such a polite, caring soul a hot surprise. So I set my mind to what I could wear. I don’t have a massively extensive wardrobe so this means he has seen pretty much everything that I have. Of course he has his favourites and I could do the easy thing and go with something tried and true but I was in the mood for something a bit less routine. I flicked through my closet turning over ideas in my head. Some of my outfits had promise but then I remembered it was winter. There is nothing sexy about being cold. Then I remembered my fur coat.

It isn’t real fur of course. Writing about this now I kind of cringe a little at the cliché but even after all my adventures I had never done the sexy undressed woman in a fur coat thing. I chose some lacy things to wear underneath. Glimpses of lace are so much more titillating that bare skin. Dressing was a challenge though. Normally when I go out I have an assistant to help me with straps and suspender belts. Today I was home alone and had to manage by myself. I fumbled through it, and satisfied with the results I was all ready to go. 

I never really thought about some of the ramifications of my plan until I got into my car. As I drove dressed in a coat that really didn’t button well, dressed in underwear and boots I was a little distracted. Fortunately I didn’t encounter a policeman during my short journey. As I sat at the lights in my Mazda RX8 I noticed some young men checking out my car. I laughed to myself as I thought “If you think the outside of the car is hot you should see what is INSIDE.”

I arrived at my destination and stepped out of the car. As I made my way up the driveway I kind of wished that there was a neighbour loitering around in their front yard so that I could really spark up their day. The feeling of being so undressed in public was making me feel as if I had drunk a bottle of wine or something. It made me more daring that I would normally be. 

He had left the door open. When I went in I found him on the couch. He had put the heater on so the room was nice and warm. I sat beside him, being careful to keep my coat closed. He was quiet and restrained but I could see his eyes scanning me. He noticed the boots and the stockings but he couldn’t see what was underneath. We sat for a few moments, me waiting for him to make a move, him not sure what to do with me. I noticed that his boxers had started to look like a tent. 

“So what is under the coat?” he asked trying to sound casual. 

I wasn’t fooled, “Stuff,” I wasn’t going to give too much away. “Did you want to see?” I couldn’t help myself. He wasn’t going to get the whole dinner served on a platter. He had to work a little for it. 

He was like a small child afraid to ask for too much, “Can I?”

I moved the coat a little to give him a glimpse of lace clad thigh, “Do you want to,” I really loved the teasing. It was hotter than prancing around in public nude underneath my coat.

He reached forward and opened the coat. The look on his face was priceless. I had to stop myself from clapping because of the success of my devious plan. 

“I didn’t bring the massage table because I figured that after you saw this you wouldn’t be interested in massage.” I commented as he continued to look at me.

“I think that was a wise assessment of the situation,” he lay me down on the couch and sat beside me. He still hadn’t touched me; he was like a child at Christmas unsure of which part to touch first. Carefully he unclasped the suspenders and removed my underwear, I shrugged out of my coat and lay, waiting. The boxers were despatched and he stood in above me with his hard cock standing out in front of him. He kneeled between my legs and slid his fingers into my cunt.

“Mmmmm, someone is a bit horny then,” he murmured before he slid his cock inside me. It had been a while since we fucked, I didn’t realise how good he felt inside me. I wanted him to fuck me for hours and hours but of course he had other plans. After a few strokes that brought us both close to the edge he pulled out and stood up beside the couch. His cock was even harder now and it was glistening with my juice. He held it close to my face and I sucked him briefly before he took my hand and led me to the bedroom.

He laid me down on the bed, dressed in boots and stockings and proceeded to eat my wet cunt. I knew what he wanted but I wanted to make him wait. He teased and licked me I could feel the pressure building in me but I held my pussy tight, keeping my juice inside, enjoying the teasing and tasting. He built me up until I couldn’t hold it any more. A jet of juice escaped and covered his face. Like a greedy child he lapped harder, sliding his finger into me, teasing the orgasms out of me. If the neighbours hadn’t seen me earlier they certainly heard me now. I covered his face and the bed before he knelt between my knees. 

He held my boots high in the air as he teased my hungry, wet pussy with his cock before sliding back inside me. We fucked like rabbits. I came again, squirting juice over his cock as it slammed into me. This wasn’t the long leisurely session we had discussed but I didn’t care. I loved this cock fucking me I just wanted more and more. I knew he wouldn’t be able to last longer but I didn’t care. I wanted to see him cumming.

As if he read my mind he pulled his cock out of me and jetted his cum over my belly, before sliding it back into me to fuck me harder as he climaxed a second time. I arched up to him, holding his throbbing cock tight inside me as he climaxed a third time.

We lay together enjoying the aftermath but I wasn’t finished. I opened the bag I had brought and pulled out some toys. He smiled with pleasure as I showed him what I had bought. I gave him the butt plug first. The novelty was back as he lubed it up and played around my ass with it. Carefully, slowly he slid it into me. I was horny and greedy, but I resisted the urge to tell him to hurry up. It slid in more easily than he expected I twisted in anticipation as he picked up my other vibe. Again, slowly, carefully he slid it into my hungry wet cunt. I loved the full feeling of the two toys stretching me, pleasuring me. He fucked me with the vibe, watching my face as I teased my hungry clit. I tried to hold off the orgasm but it was impatient. I came hard as he fucked me arching off the bed and groaning out my pleasure. The orgasm seemed to go for minutes before I collapsed, exhausted on the bed. 

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 13

Since the beginning of the year I have been working through “Thirty Dirty Questions” which I found on the blog of Brigid Delaney. Along the way I have been joined by two fellow bloggers; Mike from Marriage, Sex and More and Marie from Rebel’s Notes. Make sure you check out their responses for some excellent insights.

What do you tend to fantasize or dream about when it comes to sex? What kinds of porn or kink are you drawn to?

I am excited by the idea of playing with a dominant. I am attracted to men who take charge and give directions. My experiences with The Second Mate expanded on this attraction. Being given specific instructions that expanded my boundaries and helped me to learn more about my own body were very satisfying and left me wanting more. Johnny also ticked some of these boxes. He had a specific order he liked to do things in and he gave clear instructions. In addition he had “the look” that he gave me when he knew I was on the verge of orgasm and he wanted to see me come. The Second Mate also had a “look” that he would give when he knew I was holding back or getting distracted. I find the thought of being instructed when to orgasm intensely exciting. 

Mr Jones and I have discussed the idea of me finding a dominant. Until we met The Second Mate Mr Jones felt that any man that was strong enough to dominate me would not be a very nice person. Part of his thinking was because I didn’t communicate clearly what I really wanted. Since we have played with The Second Mate and I was able to give him a more specific example of what I really like he is a little more on board with the idea. 

Even though I like this idea and Mr Jones is OK with it in theory I am not about to embark on a specific search for a man like this. My experience with meeting people through Fetlife has been very bad. I can select for dominant men through the dating app I currently use but it is primarily for swingers and sex and so any kind of kink often has a loose interpretation. Although I did meet The Second Mate and Johnny on it so there is hope. My current approach is to let things happen organically. It has enabled me to have some great experiences so if I have a more specific goal I am hopeful that I will be having a lot of fun.

Image by Ti Murray-Wyles from Pixabay

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 12

Time for another episode of Thirty Dirty Questions. If you are loving this then you can catch up on my other responses here. You can also check out some other participants over at Rebel’s Notes and Marriage Sex and More

Is there anything about sex that embarrasses you, causes shame or fear of makes you nervous?

I am a squirter. I have quite openly discussed this a few times in this blog. It is an ability that I had to work on to make happen. At the time when I started squirting it was a bit of a novelty. A lot of partners, including Mr. Jones enjoyed the sensation and obvious pleasure it gave me. Over time I became more ‘adept’ and have been known to produce liters of liquid during some sessions.

I am self-conscious about the mess it creates. Although most men like the IDEA I think the reality can be confronting. Also the reactions about getting my juice in their face while they are licking me are often mixed. For a while I didn’t advertise my ‘abilities’ with new partners because I felt that they would sometimes become fixated about it and that was the only thing they wanted. After a while I realised that while I was achieving what I wanted in that regard I was sometimes missing out on oral sex.

Once a man realised that licking me was probably going to get that result he would have one of two reactions. He would love it and try to drink me up. This reaction works well for me. I felt desired and got to enjoy an activity that gives me great pleasure. The second reaction was not so good. He would politely withdraw and oral sex on me would be stopped for the rest of our time together. I would get a hand job and a fucking. Not the desired outcome.

So I changed tack. I tell people now, if you don’t like me squirting in your face then I am not sure this is going to work. It hasn’t been successful. Men lie. If there is a chance they are going to get sex they will tell a woman whatever they think she wants to hear. They will say yes to an activity and then give it a cursory glance before moving on to the thing THEY want.

As a side note I am working on toning down the squirting thing. The amount of laundry it generates is ridiculous. Just as I trained myself to respond in this way I can train myself to respond in other ways. My recent experiences with The Second Mate has led me to start exploring toys and I am finding I respond a little differently to vibration. I like it. It is giving me more power over my orgasms and it is making me more confident in asking for / taking what I want.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 11

Would you ever visit a sex therapist? What would be the reason and what do you think their advice would be for you?

The short answer to this question is no. Even though I was diagnosed with depression by a General Practitioner and take medication for it I am quite reluctant to visit a therapist to discuss this condition. I can’t really define the reasons for this but I guess they are part of being in this mental state. I have started journaling both about my life as it is and my sexual life. They really are hand in hand so that is as it should be really. That is as close as I am going to get to a therapist for now. It is helping me to see things a little more clearly but as time goes by my dedication to journaling every day is slipping so the benefits are waning a little

So why would I visit a sex therapist? I think I would maybe visit one if I was in a poly relationship and there were issues. That isn’t really a sex therapist but that is the only sexual reason I would visit a therapist that I can identify. I have a friend who worked as a therapist for people in ‘alternative’ relationships. She is completely amazing and someone I hope I can spend more time with, in the future. I think she is the most likely person I would visit for therapy.

What would she tell me? Love yourself. Know your own value and don’t get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you as you are.

Oh wait

I gave that advice out earlier this week to a young woman who go into a bad situation.

Maybe I am a therapist

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 10

What do you want more of in your sex life?

The honest answer, not much really. I have almost everything a girl could possibly want. The only thing that would possibly tick a different box is a dominant play friend.

Mr Jones is not entirely keen on this idea. He says that a man who is capable of dominating me is probably not a very nice person and therefore he wouldn’t be happy with me seeing him. He does have a point. I don’t take well to someone restraining me or denying me something I have decided I want. Particularly when it comes to sex. In my professional life I have a reputation for being tolerant and patient with difficult people. In my sex life I don’t have time for that shit. I want what I want and I want it NOW. If you say no to me then I will go find it somewhere else.

So even though I fantasise about a man strong enough to make me wait. I haven’t actually done a lot about finding him. Mostly because I don’t want to sort through the idiots on adult dating websites who call themselves Dominant. The majority of these are there to massage their own egos. I definitely don’t want that.

My recent experience with The Second Mate did take me down that path. He was not beyond pushing me to do things his way and making me wait upon his pleasure. I would very much have liked more time with him to see where things would have ended up but sadly it was not to be. I don’t think it will be easy to find someone like that again.

And so I fantasise some more. But I am not about to spend a lot of time looking. The right person will come along at the right time.

Wicked Wednesday

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 9

If you were to “recreate” the early days of your favourite sexy relationship, what would they look like? Would you change anything?

Both Mike from Marriage, Sex and More and Rebel from Rebel’s Notes commented to me that they found Question 8 challenging. I must admit that I felt the same way, but I was more challenged by this question. When I reflected about my potential answers, I realised that my favourite sexy relationship is often the most recent. I think it is human nature to want what you cannot have rather than appreciate what is easily available. And so, when a sexual partner becomes unavailable the amount of pleasure you remember having with them is increased.

This was definitely the case with Pet. For a long time after he departed from my life, I was always looking back at what we had and hoping to find someone equal to him. While we did some amazing stuff, and I had a very enjoyable time over quite a long period if I was honest there were times that were not perfect. Particularly towards the end of our time together I knew it was winding down and becoming routine. I remember thinking after one encounter that our relationship was reaching the end of its shelf life. Yet when he pulled the pin unexpectedly with no explanation it was suddenly the best sexy relationship ever had.

Pet loved wearing my knickers and I loved seeing him in them.

The same sort of thing happened with JB. I absolutely loved being part of his awakening and giving him the opportunity to experience things he had only fantasised about for so long. He was a very caring and generous lover. But again, after a time I knew my attention was going to wane and again he withdrew unexpectedly and suddenly, and I was left feeling like I had been deprived.

As time goes by and new people enter your life the old people who have departed fade into the background. The same applies with sexual relationships. The best sex is the sex you are having now with the person you are with. For me anyway. I know that there is bad sex and I have had plenty of that but somehow, I still feel that connection with the last lover as if they are the best. From a biological point of view, I can understand there is probably some body chemistry that makes you feel this way. It is nature’s way of tricking you into staying with your mate long enough to raise the offspring you are creating.

So, what does all this have to do with the question? Everything and nothing. I guess the short answer is that I don’t have an exact favourite or, rather, they are all favourites. Would I change any of them? Probably not. They have all been experiences and that is what this lifestyle is about for me.

Big Hands

I posted a while back about a fascination with men with large hands. Currently Mr Jones and I have taken on board a Second Mate. The duties of the Second Mate include helping with sailing stuff, washing dishes, tidying and servicing the sexual needs of the First Mate (AKA Gemma!!).

I spent a delicious day being pleasured by The Second Mate in all manner of ways. I am happy to report his hands are big and well skilled.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 8

Consider a moment in your life of great sensuality, eroticism or sexuality. Then answer the questions as Mary Oliver does in her poem Gratitude as they apply to that moment.

When I met with Johnny it was always a feast for the senses. He was an accomplished lover and he had a way about him that was very sensual. These questions are focussed around a meeting that we had that was engineered by Mr Jones. I waited for him tied, dressed to Mr Jones’ specifications and blindfolded.

What did you notice?

Every little sound. Every nuance of discomfort. I was very aware of the way my body was placed.

What did you hear?

I heard him coming up the steps, I heard the small sounds of him undressing. The sound of his breathing as he approached me for the first touch.

What did you admire?

His cock. The feel of the pre-cum as he stroked my body with it before he pressed it against my lips. I would never tire of having that glorious organ in my mouth.

What astonished you?

How aroused I was. Even though I was dressed according to another man’s instructions and I was wearing a tail my body was alive. Waiting to be touched.

What would you like to see again?

Johnny, naked, aroused, waiting for me to suck him.

What was most tender?

The way both men held me. Sandwiching my body between theirs. There is something about being held that way by two caring men.

What was most wonderful?

Both men completely comfortable with the situation. Taking their pleasure and giving at the same time.

What did you think was happening?

I didn’t think. The moment was for enjoyment.

To read some other material that makes you say MMM click the lips

mmmMondays

Or if being wicked is more your style

Wicked Wednesday

Ready and Waiting

When I am at home I ‘entertain’ special friends in a play space that Mr Jones built for me. It is, by necessity, not part of the house that we live in. Since we have been living on the yacht we have not needed a play space as such because it is just us and we can play wherever and whenever we like. Just because it is nice to entertain in a special place we have one of our guest cabins set up as a play space.

To be truthful we have had sex in most parts of the yacht. When we are not in a port or anchorage where there are other yachts around it is perfect. But usually when we have visitors that is not the case. So a more private space is required.

Sinful Sunday