Category Archives: Open Relationship
All those years again when Mr Jones and I stepped into the dating scene pubic hair was a big no-no. I had off and on experimented with pubic hair removal to fulfil fantasies or interests of Mr Jones but it wasn’t something I did regularly, I didn’t even really wax my bikini line. Suddenly I found myself regularly waxing. For the first time in my life I was regularly visiting a beautician. Caught up in the new adventures I was having I didn’t really consider the expense too much or the demands on my time particularly draining. As time went on regular waxing became a habit. I genuinely fulfilled that swinger stereotype of not being able to remember the last time I had pubic hair.Fast forward to now and Mr Jones and I have definitely slowed our level of activity. We visit clubs and the occasional party as a couple looking for other couples but we often hook up with single men for a threesome. Mr Jones doesn’t really feel the amount of effort involved in looking for a playmate is not always well rewarded so he tends not to bother. I am of a different opinion.I enjoy meeting different people and experiencing different situations so I put a bit more effort in and am rewarded with a few different experiences. And a certain amount of frustration. Sadly I have not found someone with the mind shattering sexual chemistry I experienced with Pet, but I have had some fun times. Due to the nature of my job my dating life has slowed considerably. My time has become quite limited so visits to the beautician are a thing of the past. Grooming these days is in the form of a quick shave just before heading out the door. A little while ago I had some play time with a European man who had a distinct preference for unshaved pubic hair. I did my best to please him but the best I could do was about four weeks growth. My reward was some intense sex and this very sexy photo After this experience I have become much more relaxed about going on dates with less than a perfectly shaved puss. In fact lately I have decided to grow the bush back. The novelty of having hair down there is a little stimulating. Mr Jones seems happy with this turn of events. He commented recently that it is fun to have something to stroke down there. So I think the hair is here to stay for the moment. Sorry potential playmates but if pubic hair is a deal breaker then you are not the guy for me.
I have probably written about this topic before but I was inspired to pen this because of a post by The Zen Nudist about rape. Although it is not anywhere as extreme as rape there is something about the unsolicited dick pic that I, and many women, find invasive and confronting. Don’t get me wrong, I love penises. I love to look at them, I love to inspect them in the minutest detail, I love to suck them, I love them inside me. What I don’t love is having one shoved in my face when I am innocently going through my day and my message notification pings. I don’t understand why men do it. In a way it is sad that men have distilled their attractiveness to women to such a small (no pun intended) part of them.There are many parts of men that are attractive. I am a sucker for a nice arse. I even have Twitter friends who send me great shots of their arse, after invitation. Things like this. This is hot after you have made a connection, had a conversation etc. There are plenty of ways to entice and intrigue which for me makes attraction stronger. I can’t speak for all women of course but based on conversations I have had with female friends who are dating most women seem to feel the same way as me. Sending uninvited pictures of your dick to women is NOT acceptable behaviour EVER. As I stated in my opening comments it is invasive, offensive and sometimes just plain weird.There are plenty of ways to present your package that are alluring and damn sexy something like this;Or this;So guys, take note. You are more than your naked protruding penis. Show some creativity and remember that less is often more.
The Colombian is very keen on having ‘adventures’ as he puts it. Most of what he intends is having sex in risky public places like parks, shopping centre change rooms, beaches etc. On the day we first met we found ourselves inside the fire escape stairs of a shopping centre. I was looking for a way to find my car but he was very keen to engage in other activities. To his disappointment I wasn’t up for that kind of thing. Which, upon reflection, is very unlike Gemma.
Since then we have visited a department store change room, and kind of gotten busted by the shop assistant. So I guess there are flashes of Gemma. A couple of weeks ago I was watching rubbish television with my family and we watched this ‘caught on camera’ kind of show featuring the things people do in a multi-story car park. Of course there wS a lot of version of people damaging boom gates in an attempt to avoid paying but also there were a quite a few snippets of people getting sexy in semi secluded corners of the building.
This particular show also featured a dramatisation of the control room where the cameras in the building are monitored showing the reactions of the people watching the action. Of course these people are tasked with making sure equipment such as boom gates and automatic payment machines are not damaged but they also monitor the behaviour of clientele and call the police if things get out of hand. The reactions portrayed to people having sex in stairs and corners were not positive. Instead of “how sexy” and “how daring” their standard response was more ” how gross” and “get a room!”
I felt a bit deflated watching it. I thought back to the recent change room shenanigans and I realised how pissed the sales assistant probably was and how disgusted she was. I felt a little ashamed. Which is stupid. We weren’t hurting anyone and we didn’t leave a mess for her to clean up so what is it to her? The same as the car park viewers. What is the problem? Who is the worst here? The people enjoying themselves and living in the moment or the people sitting around criticising as they watch camera footage?
It is an interesting paradigm. Like the picture above the reality depends on your viewpoint I guess, and the way you have been conditioned to think by the people around you. I think for all the value that Westerners put on being sexy, and the way we pride ourselves on being open minded we definitely have some very prudish ideas about sex.
The question remains; will I have stairwell sex with the Columbian if the opportunity arises? The answer is I honestly don’t know. I think I will definitely have to do a check for cameras first.
This post is based on the TMI Tuesday questions from March 20. Like a lot of their posts the questions raise some interesting thoughts.
1. Who was the first person you ever had a crush on?
Sadly my age means that this happened a very long time ago. In terms of celebrity crushes I think my first one was “The Hoff” wayyyy back when he was in Knightrider. In fact wayyyyy before he was “The Hoff”. To be perfectly honest the car was probably just as sexy as he was.
As for real life people there was this boy who I was deeply, madly in love with for all of year 11 and 12. Like most of those crushes he was blissfully unaware of my infatuation and proceeded to have a long term relationship with someone else for all of those years. My friends could not understand my infatuation with him. He wasn’t one of the boys that was regarded as particularly good looking. I just found something about him attractive.
2. What is the most important material possession you have and why?
For me material possessions are weird. I have as many as the next person. In true middle class white person style I probably have more than most people in the world. I don’t necessarily want to be without any but I can’t think of one that is particularly important.
3. If you were a cake which cake would you be?
Chocolate cake of course! Not one of those insipid sponge types but something like a Sacher torte that is rich and complex and decadent. Something you know you shouldn’t eat but you really can’t stop yourself. Because of course eating me is an experience. On a side note one of The Colombian’s most endearing qualities is his desire and talent for eating me. I used to be a bit meh about guys eating me out but after a couple of experiences recently I am starting to see how some women see it as an indispensable talent.
4 Has anything/ anyone ever saved your life before?
Not really. I guess I have not really done a lot that has been life risking. Or maybe my guardian angel saves my life every day and I just don’t notice.
5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
The ability to eat and drink what ever and whenever I want with no effect on my weight! Imagine being able to eat endless amounts of chocolate and cake without worrying about calories! Life would be perfect.
Bonus: What are your plans for the holidays?
Well I am so glad you asked! Firstly I am going to sleep when I want and not have to get up and go to work for two weeks. Secondly for the official Easter break I plan to eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want. My third plan is to find some more secluded, less visited parks and spend some time enjoying the company of the Columbian. He has a thing for outdoor adventures. I just have a thing for adventures. So I am hoping I will keep you posted.
As a teacher and as a parent I have learned a few things about saying no. The first one is that when you say no you have to mean it. Saying “no” and then changing your mind when everyone protests just sends the message that no doesn’t mean no it means “try a little harder to convince me”.
The second thing I have learned about saying no is that you have to be prepared to back it up with a reason. Having a sound reason usually reduces the amount a student/ child will try to convince you that you really meant yes. Finally, in my experience, the people who try the hardest to change your mind are the ones who have learned from experience with other people that you can change someone’s mind. These students/ children are usually proficient at techniques that trigger an emotional response such as pouting, eye rolling, and making statements like “I was just trying to….”. These students are the hardest to deal with but getting them to see things your way is not impossible.
I posted recently about s conversation I had with a man I have enjoyed as a lover and his inability to u derstand and respect “no”. In my post I outlined my dealings with my ex lover and my very clear no. That, I thought, was that. How wrong I was. I received a couple of messages during the week about “accidental” messages automatically sent from social media apps like Snapchat and then whammo we are talking again. Well he is talking and asking me to video chat with him (he has been working in an extremely remote location over the Christmas Break). Of course I replied no. As I put my phone down I said to it “I am not going to fuck you.”
Of course he didn’t hear that, not that it would make any difference. The problem is even as I was saying the words a small part of me was protesting. He is attractive. He does have sex appeal and there were aspects of fucking him that I enjoyed. A tiny part of me almost believes that idea that it will be different if I give him another chance. Of course the rational part of me has to step in and firmly remind the positive, fantasy me of the frustration and dissapointment that is the most likely outcome if I give in.
Sometimes being the most responsible adult in the room is hard.
1. What do you find sexiest in a woman?
I am a bit of a boob fan. If a woman is dressed in such a way that you catch a nice glimpse of her cleavage or a bit of side boob then I am definitely going to be interested. I a less cliched way I am also often taken in by a woman’s mouth. I love full lips and nice teeth. They don’t have to be perfect and I don’t really go for a gap but something about the way her mouth moves makes me want to kiss her. And kissing a woman is very very sexy.
2. What do you find least sexy in a man?
An interesting question. When I first glanced through these questions I thought i was going to be waxing lyrical about tall well built, preferably bald, bulls but on closer inspection….
So unsexiness is definitely mostly linked to personality. A man who needs to “grow a set”, an Australian euphemism that you can read about here, is a massive turn off. The other thing that sends me packing is poor hygiene, body odour, greasy hair and reeking of cigarettes.
3. Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?
I have to a certain extent been in this position a couple of times. Cruising around swingers websites looking for ‘single’ men is kind of asking for trouble. I do not judge anyone for the way they choose to run their relationship. However I choose not to be in a position where I can’t freely message or otherwise contact the person I am fucking. I also choose not to be in a position whereby play dates get cancelled at the last minute because the wife or girlfriend has changed her plans. So to answer the question I would not knowingly become involved as the ‘other woman’.
4. Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?
This is a bit of a loaded question. In general people, male and female, always perceive their effort to be greater than someone else’s in a given situation. Additionally women tend to have different priorities from men in a relationship which means they perceive they are putting in more effort because they don’t notice what the male is doing.
Having said all that I do feel I put in more effort in that it seems to be my responsibility to make dates happen and make plans for holidays etc. This has been an issue for us but we are working on it and making some progress.
I don’t have one of these, mainly because I have not worked at my current job/profession long enough to have formed such a relationship. Or perhaps it is because I am just damned hard to get along with. I don’t know.
Mr Jones however does. Funnily enough his work wife is a woman he employed to help him out with his business after we had dated her as a couple for a while. The sex has definitely gone out of the the relationship but the friendship still remains. What I love the most about Mr Jones’ work wife is that she doesn’t put up with any of his crap. Something he definitely needed.
Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?
I believe my marriage is healthy for several reasons;
- It is long term. In 2018 Mr Jones and I will celebrate out 20th wedding anniversary
- It is successful; we are debt free, we have accumulated wealth as a partnership on our own merit.
- We disagree but we don’t fight; raised voices between Mr Jones and myself are extremely rare. When they happen it is a strong sign for both of us to sit up and pay close attention to the problem. Our children recognise this and correctly interpret a raised voice as a sign that things are not right.
- We trust each other; both of us regularly have sex with other partners. There is always open and honest communication around this situation any distrust or jealousy always stems from suspicions about the motivation of the third party.
Bonus, bonus: Is the “work spouse” strictly a U.S. American anomaly (they do spend an insane amount of hours at work)? One study found 32% of Americans admitted to having a work spouse.
I guess my answer to number 5 shows that the term ‘work wife’ is in common use in Australia as well as the US. I am not sure if that is a sign that ‘work wife’ is truly an international term or if Australians watch too much American television.
As always for more TMI goodness make sure you hit up the TMI Tuesday website.
1. If you are on facebook, when was the last time you had to “unfriend” someone and why?
I am notorious for avoiding conflict. So “unfriending” is not something I generally do. When I first read this question I could not think of the last time that I did unfriend someone. However as I was writing I remembered the last time was when Pet and I went our separate ways. It was not an acrimonious ‘break up’ by any stretch. – He decided we were done, I said O.K and that was it. I was a bit bummed by the turn of events but we are grown ups and i decided that pursuing reasons and ‘closure’ was not worth the pain.
However I did decide that he didn’t need to be part of my Facebook world anymore. So he is no longer on my friends list.
2. What are you addicted to?
Hard question. I guess it depends on how you define addiction. In terms of a weakness that I find hard to resist it would be shoes. My last pair are my new favourites;
3. What are the first 3 things you do every morning?
Say good morning to Mr Jones, feed the bird, and get dressed. Not necessarily in that order. Often the bird comes first mainly because he is so loud.
4. How lucky are you and why?
- I have a fantastic husband and kids
- I live in a fantastic house and in a place with an almost perfect climate.
- I am lucky enough to have my cake and eat it.
5. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?
I am often embarrassed about of lots of things that I do and say. I can’t think of a thing that I have always wanted to try that I am specifically embarrassed about. One of the key things that I often find myself apologising for is wanting to try badass pole moves that involve pain and using an ‘armpit grip’. Things that look like this;
Absolutely yes. I am proud of the way I do my job and I believe that I put in everything for my students and that they benefit from it. I am proud of what I do on my pole. Most of all I am proud of my marriage. Together we have built a great lifestyle and family. We have established complete and habitual honesty which has made our relationship work so well.
I have a friend who has a rule about her ‘Number’; it can never be greater than her age. Just prior to writing this I was skipping through TMI Tuesday posts and I came accross a question about your personal number stating that in a recent survey it was found that men found women with the number higher than 14 a little off putting.
14???!!? Like shouldn’t that read women with an IQ of less than 41? I don’t really want to think too hard about this but I am relatively sure that I passed 14 a VERY long time ago. Even before my swinging days, maybe. I can honestly say that I have no idea what my number is. If I think about it I can remember most of the people of have shagged, I think. OK there will be ones that I have forgotten, not everyone I have met has been fantastic at sex. However the point is that my number is much higher than I or anyone else needs to think about.
I was recently discussing the whole concept of keeping track of your number with a male friend. He was commenting that a lot of younger men like to discuss their number, obviously the higher the figure the higher their opinion of themselves. He and I were both in agreement that it is bad form for people to have this kind of approach. Mainly because it indicates that you are just chugging through partners without any thought of the quality of your input or the effort they are putting in. Really you may as well just go visit a series of glory holes. It is very disrespectful of the person who is sharing their body with you that all you think of the experience is how the notch is going to look on your bedpost.
In my opinion being able to describe your experiences and being able to describe a life of fantasies realised is a much healthier and sexier way to live. Thinking about my number makes me feel bad about myself. There is so much confusion in my mind about what is an acceptable number and what the ramifications of a number that is too high. I am nervous sharing my feelings about my number with people because I am worried about being judged. When I think about experiences that I have enjoyed I feel strong and powerful. It gives me a sense of control over my sexuality and my life.
There is one time when a number is perhaps a good thing; when you are planning a session of pure unadulterated lust. This year will be my 45th birthday. A conversation recently with Mrs Mikes Place about a birthday celebration involving a gang bang inspired me to make a similar birthday wish for my upcoming celebration. I am a little unsure of the exact number of men she fucked but I believe that it was somewhere in the vicinity of 20.
I am nowhere near that ambitious. But my scenario runs something like this;
I am in a room of a swingers club, on a bed, mostly naked. I am not restrained but I am available to any man who is invited to join me. Mr Jones is beside me holding me, loving me. Standing over me my private bouncer, in consultation with Mr Jones, is in control of who has access to me. Men who come into the room can fuck me with the permission of the fireman and Mr Jones.
My visitors are allowed to lick my pussy and fuck me. Any condoms they fill are to be left for Mr Jones and the fireman to enjoy later. While I am being fucked other men are able to explore my breasts and have their cocks sucked. They are welcome to cum on my belly and tits but they are not allowed to cum on my face.
I don’t have a specific number of men in my mind but I doubt that I could handle more than about six or seven. Definitely no more than 10. That is the only time in my mind that a number would matter. Even then I am thinking it isn’t really an issue.
Urban Dictionary, that internet repository of popular wisdom gives several different definitions for the term cuckhold. This is my favourite one;
A husband or long term boyfriend who either likes to watch his wife with other men or is forced to watch. Often there are different levels of humiliation involved such as chastity, financial, sissification, etc. Terms surrounding cuckold include cuckolded, hotwife, bull, lover, etc.
I don’t like to think of myself as having a ‘type’ but when considering prospective partner there are a few characteristics that are known weaknesses. One of them is baldness, another is size. Not just penis size but physical size. I am not a short woman, nor am I slender but on the odd occasion that I meet a man who can manhandle me…. well you get the picture. One of the first men I met on my journey into non-monogamy was such a man, but we digress.
Big Al is one such man. He doesn’t have the height of others in my past but he has the breadth and physical strength. He is or was a fireman, did I mention the two uniforms that I find the most attractive are firemen and the high visibility type that miners and road construction workers wear?
I met him on an internet dating site. The details aren’t important but what is important is that after a while we met in person at a meet and greet evening. Of course the group we were with ended up at a strip club. It was my first visit to such a venue and I was a little preoccupied with observing the technique of professional pole dancers but not so much that I could ignore him. The vibe of the evening was unusual for us (meaning Mr and Mrs Jones). We are used to swingers clubs where everything is on the table but even though this was a self proclaimed group of swingers we were still a little unsure of the signals. Maybe it was because we were in a mainstream venue I am not sure but I managed to communicate my interest, to the bemusement of the dancer who was talking to us. He had communicated his but that night was not the right time.
The right time came later after some negotiations, otherwise known as flirting. We found ourselves in a hotel room, thanks to an unexpected last minute house guest. To start with things seemed awkward, I guess he wasn’t used to the concept of “hello let’s fuck” but after two years of meeting Pet in a hotel room I kind of expect to get jumped as soon as I walked in the door. We kissed in the doorway of the bathroom and then somehow went from fully clothed and standing upright to me in a bikini and him in boxers. There was some discussion of checking out the hotel pool until I asked the question “Really? You want to swim?”
Then he was kneeling between my legs as I sprawled on the bed. He pulled aside the crotch of my bikini so that he could examine me before he started to run his tongue around my cunt. He was good, there is nothing like the feel of a tongue giving just the right pressure, he held my hips and explored deeper as I writhed in response to him. I could feel the buildup of pressure but I fought it. I wasn’t sure if he knew what to expect. Despite my best efforts I felt s small jet of warm liquid escape, his response was to to grip me harder and bury his face deeper. I relaxed a little and let more of my juice squirt into his mouth, he drank it all greedily before licking me clean and standing over me telling me what a good girl I was.
Another trigger point. This man seemed to be ticking so many boxes, I didn’t have a hope. I sat up and removed the last of my clothingas he pulled down his shorts. His cock was hard as a rock and stuck out straight in front of him. I pulled him towards me so that I could explore him with my lips and tongue, swilling my tongue around the head of his cock before sliding my lips down his warm velvety shaft. My throat opened slightly as I pressed my lips against his belly holding his entire length inside my mouth for a moment before I started moving up and down his cock alternating between taking his entire length in my mouth and gripping his shaft with one hand while I teased his head.
His excitement infected me as I sucked him I could not resist humping the bed like a dog in heat. Everything was so sexy and I was so caught up in everything. We separated for a moment and he suggested a breather but I couldnt stop. I rolled over and out my ass in the air demanding without words a good hard fucking. I wanted to be pounded with the cock that I had sucked so well.
He didn’t dissapoint. He filled me with his cock, holding my hips as he eased himself into me. The room was filled with the sound of my groans of pleasure. His balls slapped against my clit in time with his thrusts sending small shudders of pleasure through me. I felt myself becoming engulfed by his power and strength. It was what I had been searching for without realising. I felt complete.
After a couple of sharp slaps on my arse he eased himself out of me and pulled me on top of him. For a moment we wrestled as he tried to slide his cock inside me, I resisted playing his cock over my clit triggering small gushes of liquid that covered his belly and slid down over his hips to leave we spots on the bed. He loved it grunting with pleasure and encouraging me to cover him in my juices.
“We need to send your Hubby some pictures of you being fucked by your Bull.” He said.
I reached for my phone and handed it to him unlocking it so that he could take pics. For longer than I expected he gave instructions about looking at him and complimenting me on the way my hair fell. I ground my hips into his filling myself with his cock and moaning with pleasure. Subconsciously I leaned back putting pressure on my G-spot triggering a jet of liquid over his belly. His arousal reverberated through me awakening a desire to feel his orgasm. It is like a primal urge in me the desire to watch an man’s face as he climaxes inside me. The sensation of his climax often triggers my own.
This time it wasn’t to be. We were new lovers and things were a little awkward still. Sometimes these things take a little practise. I was rewarded with a view of his cum jetting out of his cock towards my mouth as he wanked himself to full climax. I slid my lips down over his shaft letting his cum fill my mouth and slide down my throat. He seemed to climax forever. Just when he was still and I thought he was done another spasm would shudder through him. I had not seen multiple orgasms in a man since my experiences with Mr Fix It. It was a beautiful thing to see such decadent pleasure in a man and to know that I was the reason that he was reaching those heights. Quickly I snapped a photo of his cum dripping down my chin to send to my husband to let him know that I was covered in another man’s cum. If he had been there I would have kissed him and filled his mouth with Big Al’s cum to let him taste the sweetness of him. Maybe next time.
Wind back the clock about five years and my life was in a very different place. I was not employed in a paying job, I had time on my hands and Gemma Jones was at the start of her glorious career. I am not talking about the British actor but rather the sex goddess who defined my life for several years.
Fast forward to now and my life is radically different. I find myself struggling to explain to myself why a section of my life that was so amazingly empowering and just plain fun seemed to be so hard to keep alive. It is true that life is all about cycles and as the years slide by things change, no matter how much we want them to stay the same. It is also true that a life that is based around sexual gratification is ultimately very two dimensional and, ironically, unsatisfying. My life these days is much more…. twenty dimensional, and emotionally challenging and satisfying in ways that are completely different. But I keep going back to the thought that there still has to be space for Gemma in there.
For a good while I was approaching the problem from the perspective that time was the issue. I just needed to make Gemma time more of a priority in my life and give myself time to be ‘all that’. Sometimes this worked. And sometimes I have been Gemma. Actually, reflecting as I write, I think I have been Gemma a little more than I realise. A more subtle and grown up Gemma than the overtly sexual and in your face version of five years ago.
I was having a conversation with Pet recently that wasn’t really about this issue but during the course of the conversation I realised something that I hadn’t thought of before. Being Gemma is not just about finding time to fit that stuff into my life. It is also about confidence. This Gemma;
Was 10kg lighter, and had lovers in her life who were solely focussed on her. She was told almost every day by a range of people how completely desirable she was. Today’s Gemma does not look in the mirror and see a ravishing sex goddess. Instead she sees the cellulite, the belly, the folds of skin over her eyelids and she frantically checks for signs of a double chin. When she is at work she is required to wear clothing that cannot be seen up, down or through and she is constantly under review by the most self centred of beings, teenagers, and the most demanding of humans, their parents.
In short Mrs Jones often needs to be reminded she is HOT.
To effectively be able to get Gemma on Mrs Jones needs to be convinced that she is sexy or it ain’t gonna happen. It may sound egotistical and it is. I don’t need to remind anyone who has spent time with the real Gemma that the experience is not about worshipping a passive being. Gemma is all about giving and satisfying. Her own gratification is based very much on other people’s satisfaction but that is impossible to achieve if she doesn’t have confidence in her ability and appeal.
So I guess I need to add another requirement to the list for potential playmates;
- Must be able to make Mrs Jones feel like she is sexy.
That shouldn’t be too hard to achieve.