Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 12

Time for another episode of Thirty Dirty Questions. If you are loving this then you can catch up on my other responses here. You can also check out some other participants over at Rebel’s Notes and Marriage Sex and More

Is there anything about sex that embarrasses you, causes shame or fear of makes you nervous?

I am a squirter. I have quite openly discussed this a few times in this blog. It is an ability that I had to work on to make happen. At the time when I started squirting it was a bit of a novelty. A lot of partners, including Mr. Jones enjoyed the sensation and obvious pleasure it gave me. Over time I became more ‘adept’ and have been known to produce liters of liquid during some sessions.

I am self-conscious about the mess it creates. Although most men like the IDEA I think the reality can be confronting. Also the reactions about getting my juice in their face while they are licking me are often mixed. For a while I didn’t advertise my ‘abilities’ with new partners because I felt that they would sometimes become fixated about it and that was the only thing they wanted. After a while I realised that while I was achieving what I wanted in that regard I was sometimes missing out on oral sex.

Once a man realised that licking me was probably going to get that result he would have one of two reactions. He would love it and try to drink me up. This reaction works well for me. I felt desired and got to enjoy an activity that gives me great pleasure. The second reaction was not so good. He would politely withdraw and oral sex on me would be stopped for the rest of our time together. I would get a hand job and a fucking. Not the desired outcome.

So I changed tack. I tell people now, if you don’t like me squirting in your face then I am not sure this is going to work. It hasn’t been successful. Men lie. If there is a chance they are going to get sex they will tell a woman whatever they think she wants to hear. They will say yes to an activity and then give it a cursory glance before moving on to the thing THEY want.

As a side note I am working on toning down the squirting thing. The amount of laundry it generates is ridiculous. Just as I trained myself to respond in this way I can train myself to respond in other ways. My recent experiences with The Second Mate has led me to start exploring toys and I am finding I respond a little differently to vibration. I like it. It is giving me more power over my orgasms and it is making me more confident in asking for / taking what I want.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 11

Would you ever visit a sex therapist? What would be the reason and what do you think their advice would be for you?

The short answer to this question is no. Even though I was diagnosed with depression by a General Practitioner and take medication for it I am quite reluctant to visit a therapist to discuss this condition. I can’t really define the reasons for this but I guess they are part of being in this mental state. I have started journaling both about my life as it is and my sexual life. They really are hand in hand so that is as it should be really. That is as close as I am going to get to a therapist for now. It is helping me to see things a little more clearly but as time goes by my dedication to journaling every day is slipping so the benefits are waning a little

So why would I visit a sex therapist? I think I would maybe visit one if I was in a poly relationship and there were issues. That isn’t really a sex therapist but that is the only sexual reason I would visit a therapist that I can identify. I have a friend who worked as a therapist for people in ‘alternative’ relationships. She is completely amazing and someone I hope I can spend more time with, in the future. I think she is the most likely person I would visit for therapy.

What would she tell me? Love yourself. Know your own value and don’t get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you as you are.

Oh wait

I gave that advice out earlier this week to a young woman who go into a bad situation.

Maybe I am a therapist

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 10

What do you want more of in your sex life?

The honest answer, not much really. I have almost everything a girl could possibly want. The only thing that would possibly tick a different box is a dominant play friend.

Mr Jones is not entirely keen on this idea. He says that a man who is capable of dominating me is probably not a very nice person and therefore he wouldn’t be happy with me seeing him. He does have a point. I don’t take well to someone restraining me or denying me something I have decided I want. Particularly when it comes to sex. In my professional life I have a reputation for being tolerant and patient with difficult people. In my sex life I don’t have time for that shit. I want what I want and I want it NOW. If you say no to me then I will go find it somewhere else.

So even though I fantasise about a man strong enough to make me wait. I haven’t actually done a lot about finding him. Mostly because I don’t want to sort through the idiots on adult dating websites who call themselves Dominant. The majority of these are there to massage their own egos. I definitely don’t want that.

My recent experience with The Second Mate did take me down that path. He was not beyond pushing me to do things his way and making me wait upon his pleasure. I would very much have liked more time with him to see where things would have ended up but sadly it was not to be. I don’t think it will be easy to find someone like that again.

And so I fantasise some more. But I am not about to spend a lot of time looking. The right person will come along at the right time.

Wicked Wednesday

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 9

If you were to “recreate” the early days of your favourite sexy relationship, what would they look like? Would you change anything?

Both Mike from Marriage, Sex and More and Rebel from Rebel’s Notes commented to me that they found Question 8 challenging. I must admit that I felt the same way, but I was more challenged by this question. When I reflected about my potential answers, I realised that my favourite sexy relationship is often the most recent. I think it is human nature to want what you cannot have rather than appreciate what is easily available. And so, when a sexual partner becomes unavailable the amount of pleasure you remember having with them is increased.

This was definitely the case with Pet. For a long time after he departed from my life, I was always looking back at what we had and hoping to find someone equal to him. While we did some amazing stuff, and I had a very enjoyable time over quite a long period if I was honest there were times that were not perfect. Particularly towards the end of our time together I knew it was winding down and becoming routine. I remember thinking after one encounter that our relationship was reaching the end of its shelf life. Yet when he pulled the pin unexpectedly with no explanation it was suddenly the best sexy relationship ever had.

Pet loved wearing my knickers and I loved seeing him in them.

The same sort of thing happened with JB. I absolutely loved being part of his awakening and giving him the opportunity to experience things he had only fantasised about for so long. He was a very caring and generous lover. But again, after a time I knew my attention was going to wane and again he withdrew unexpectedly and suddenly, and I was left feeling like I had been deprived.

As time goes by and new people enter your life the old people who have departed fade into the background. The same applies with sexual relationships. The best sex is the sex you are having now with the person you are with. For me anyway. I know that there is bad sex and I have had plenty of that but somehow, I still feel that connection with the last lover as if they are the best. From a biological point of view, I can understand there is probably some body chemistry that makes you feel this way. It is nature’s way of tricking you into staying with your mate long enough to raise the offspring you are creating.

So, what does all this have to do with the question? Everything and nothing. I guess the short answer is that I don’t have an exact favourite or, rather, they are all favourites. Would I change any of them? Probably not. They have all been experiences and that is what this lifestyle is about for me.

Big Hands

I posted a while back about a fascination with men with large hands. Currently Mr Jones and I have taken on board a Second Mate. The duties of the Second Mate include helping with sailing stuff, washing dishes, tidying and servicing the sexual needs of the First Mate (AKA Gemma!!).

I spent a delicious day being pleasured by The Second Mate in all manner of ways. I am happy to report his hands are big and well skilled.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 8

Consider a moment in your life of great sensuality, eroticism or sexuality. Then answer the questions as Mary Oliver does in her poem Gratitude as they apply to that moment.

When I met with Johnny it was always a feast for the senses. He was an accomplished lover and he had a way about him that was very sensual. These questions are focussed around a meeting that we had that was engineered by Mr Jones. I waited for him tied, dressed to Mr Jones’ specifications and blindfolded.

What did you notice?

Every little sound. Every nuance of discomfort. I was very aware of the way my body was placed.

What did you hear?

I heard him coming up the steps, I heard the small sounds of him undressing. The sound of his breathing as he approached me for the first touch.

What did you admire?

His cock. The feel of the pre-cum as he stroked my body with it before he pressed it against my lips. I would never tire of having that glorious organ in my mouth.

What astonished you?

How aroused I was. Even though I was dressed according to another man’s instructions and I was wearing a tail my body was alive. Waiting to be touched.

What would you like to see again?

Johnny, naked, aroused, waiting for me to suck him.

What was most tender?

The way both men held me. Sandwiching my body between theirs. There is something about being held that way by two caring men.

What was most wonderful?

Both men completely comfortable with the situation. Taking their pleasure and giving at the same time.

What did you think was happening?

I didn’t think. The moment was for enjoyment.

To read some other material that makes you say MMM click the lips

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Ready and Waiting

When I am at home I ‘entertain’ special friends in a play space that Mr Jones built for me. It is, by necessity, not part of the house that we live in. Since we have been living on the yacht we have not needed a play space as such because it is just us and we can play wherever and whenever we like. Just because it is nice to entertain in a special place we have one of our guest cabins set up as a play space.

To be truthful we have had sex in most parts of the yacht. When we are not in a port or anchorage where there are other yachts around it is perfect. But usually when we have visitors that is not the case. So a more private space is required.

Sinful Sunday

Imbalance in Internet Dating

As a person in an open relationship who is actively seeking partners I spend a lot of time dating. I don’t mean the awkward dinners that are portrayed on “First Dates”. I am talking about the internet style hook – up type dating. I use a website that is specifically for swingers and I avoid mainstream dating websites like Tinder. My main reasoning for that is to protect my privacy and avoid being outed by someone in my professional life. There is a part of me that is curious to see what would happen if I set up a Tinder account but I am not brave enough yet.

The thing with any dating app whether the user is seeking a soulmate or a one night stand it seems that there is a surplus of males and a seemingly tiny number of receptive females. I hear stories from men about meeting women who get inundated with hundreds of messages. So many that it is impossible for them to reply. That has not been my experience. I am almost fifty, I am married and state clearly I am looking for a man who is comfortable being naked in front of my husband. That in itself seems to weed out a lot.

Despite that I do get attention. I could never hope to meet every man that messages me even those that might be attractive to me or interested in similar activities. If I did meet every man that is attractive and interested I would never get out of bed. I have to narrow the field somehow. I have to make some choices and let others fall by the wayside. I can make arbitrary rules like “If you don’t have a picture in your bio” or “If your initial message is full of Text speak like HowRU” then you don’t make the cut. But I still have to talk to a lot of men who are never going to get in my panties, so to speak.

I have posted before about disappointments. About spending the time talking, exchanging pics, building up some attraction and tension, arranging to meet and then…. Crickets. It is at these times I wonder about my selection process. Should I change my criteria? Am I looking in the wrong place? Is there something I missed? Sometimes I nod in recognition of something that did raise itself but I ignored because he looked hot / I was busy / I was horny etc. Sometimes I am mystified. Sometimes it is the universe saving me from myself. Sometimes I meet some amazing people, like Johnny.

Of late I am with Mr Jones 24 / 7. He sees everything I do which is something he didn’t at home. He doesn’t have a problem with it but I think it has been a bit of an eye opener for him. We have had more open conversations about what each other is wanting / needing. It has been a time of growth for both of us. He has a better understanding of some of my frustrations and the process of making things happen. A lot of times with our lifestyle we discuss an idea and then it happens with little legwork from him. He very rarely puts in the work of building a connection and discussing possibilities with anyone except me.

For me I have a better grip on what he wants but also on how he feels about what I do. The monogamy habit still overshadows things for me sometimes. There is often a lurking fear that I will hurt Mr Jones or damage our relationship. Spending this time with him and discussing different scenarios has helped me to see that he is truly fine with most things as long as he is confident that I am taking him into consideration. I am “allowed” to be slutty and impulsive and have sex with someone I ran into without protracted negotiation and consent from him. He likes the idea of something like that happening and finding out about it later. It is something I am getting used to. I am not quite ready to do something like that but I guess the time will come.

Like everything in this life things are constantly evolving and changing. There are things that we do now that we would not have done even two years ago. I have no doubt there will be other things that we will add to our repertoire over time and still others that will be struck off the list. It is all a question of balance really.

Image by Neel Shakilov from Pixabay

This post was written for Wicked Wednesday prompt #472 “Balance” to see who else is sharing click the button below.

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Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 6

What are your thoughts on foreplay – favourite types, best experiences, wishes?

There was a time when foreplay was not something I was particularly worried about. The reason? I didn’t know anyone who was good at it. I am sorry to say Mr Jones did fall into that category. These days he has upped his game and he is on a cycle of continuous improvement.

I am a HUGE fan of oral sex. I LOVE to give head, and by most accounts I am pretty good at it. Although if I am not particularly interested or I feel I am not getting gratitude my game might suffer slightly. I also love to give oral to a woman. If the mood takes me. Satisfying a woman orally is more challenging sometimes but the rewards can be great.

When it comes to being on the receiving end I am picky. I have said many times the number of guys who think they are amazing at giving head is much higher than the number who actually are. I don’t know why, maybe it is me. I am a bit of a princess when it comes to my lady bits and if you go at them hammer and tongs you are going to be told to leave them alone. Additionally, good oral sex makes me squirt. It is easy to tell if a man doesn’t like the feeling of my juice in his face or the taste in his mouth. If a guy doesn’t like it then he will generally stop. This will make me feel like I am missing out because he is getting his cock sucked well and I feel like I have missed a large chunk of the pleasures available.  and I will be sad. So a pre-requisite is you have to like it. And there is nothing sexier than a man who cannot get enough. I once had a man grip my thighs and press his face against my cunt to gulp every drop like he was dying of thirst. It was one of the hottest things I had felt in a long while.

Other types of foreplay can be fun. I like kissing and a little bit of teasing. Stroking and playing with different sensations but often I get impatient and want to get to the main course. What can I say? I am a bit greedy.

My current wish is to be tied and teased. Possibly with a blindfold. Hopefully with more than one person present.

Three is Company

I often write stories from the perspective of a male rather than a female. Even if it is based on an experience of my own. Reflecting on a recent encounter I decided to try writing from the perspective of each person a bit like a reality TV commentary. Please let me know how you think it worked.

Harry

Living in a small town sometimes makes it hard to find a FWB. Choices are limited. People get funny if you like something a little different. No one likes to admit they get freaky in the sheets even if people do. All guys ever do around here is fish and drink.

I met Jenna online through a dating app. When we started chatting, she lived in a city far away from me. I don’t know why she talked to me really, but she was cool, and we sometimes shared pics. I fantasised that I would visit her city one day to see her.

One afternoon I was flicking through profiles and I noticed that she had changed her location. She was travelling with her husband and heading my way! I couldn’t believe it! Maybe my fantasy would come true.

Brian

I love my wife. She is an amazing person. She doesn’t always agree with me, but I think she is amazingly beautiful. When we go to lifestyle events men are always attracted to her and want to be around her. She always worries that I will get left out but a lot of the time she is the most attractive one in the room and I just can’t get excited about anyone else.

Lately we have been meeting single guys. She seems to mainly like younger guys, but they can be fickle. I hate it when she thinks she has arranged a meeting and they bail on her. They honestly don’t know what they are missing. She is really good at sex because she likes to make her partners happy. It is a joy to watch.

Jenna

I wasn’t sure about Harry. He was a guy who seemed to have a good heart, but I wasn’t sure. I learned when I was much younger that sometimes giving guys like him a go can be rewarding. Which is the reason why I never just shove them to the side. But he had slowly stopped talking to me and I was surprised when he messaged me.

Getting timing right can be tricky. Travelling by sea is subject to weather and sometimes you arrive well before you intend, mostly it takes longer. Harry lived in a place we were not really intending to visit and then the wind blew us here. The town surprised us. At a time when I was anxious about our journey and needed to breathe for a day or two, I found a place that let me do that. Harry was persistent if nothing else. We had no plans, so we agreed to hang out.

Harry

She was staying in the marina. A tiny pontoon with about twenty boats tied up to it. Of course, hers was the most beautiful sitting proudly amongst the run-down fishing boats. In the darkness we embraced for the first time. She felt amazing in my arms and she smelled so good. Better than the coal smell that filled my car and my hut at camp. She showed me around her boat and introduced me to her husband. They offered me a beer and we sat on the couch chatting about their trip and stuff.

Earlier in the day she told me that her husband was bi. I was nervous. I had never done anything with a guy, and I wasn’t sure what to expect but he was cool. He sat apart from us while we chatted. I felt her hand on my leg her fingers sneaking under the leg of my boardies. I stroked her arm, still unsure of how fast to go. Then she started unbuttoning my shirt. I took it off and she started playing with my nipples. Her hands slipped down into the waist of my shorts, my cock was so hard.

Brian

Jenna thinks she is being subtle, but she isn’t. We had talked about how interested her friend was in guys. Lately I have been participating more in her choices and expressing my desires to suck cock and see, smell, and taste his cum. Jenna discussed this with Harry. He hadn’t ever done that kind of thing before, but he wasn’t ruling it out. Watching them together was cute. I could see he was shy, and I could see she would probably prefer a bit more of a one-on-one encounter.

I left them for a while and went to our bedroom to read but all the time I was listening to them. I could tell she was enjoying herself by her moans. I didn’t know what he was exactly doing but I could tell she was having the type of climaxes that usually make her squirt. Then her voice was muffled a little. I imagined her mouth full of his cock. It made me hard.

Harry

She tasted amazing. When I licked her and fingered her at the same time my mouth filled with her juice. I could have drunk her sweet liquid all night. Her mouth on my cock was amazing. I hadn’t had a head job in forever and this one was one of the best. I could have let myself cum in her mouth, but I didn’t want to spoil it by asking for permission.

We moved to the bedroom I lay on the bed and she straddled me. I thought she was going to take my cock inside her, but she just rubbed her pussy on me. The slightest touch against her pussy sent shudders through her. It was so intense.

Jenna

I sat astride him. I was so turned on the slightest touch sent a jolt through me. I wanted his cock to fill me, but he pushed me down and fingered me again. I could feel my juice gushing over his hand. At the entrance to the room, I saw Brian naked, watching us. I smiled, happy to see him sliding into bed beside me.

Harry kneeled on the bed beside us with his hand gripping his cock as he watched us fucking. He watched us closely, his hand working his cock.

“Cum on my tits,” I whispered to him. He nodded.

“Come closer,” Brian encouraged him. I know what Brian likes.

Harry came so quickly. So sexy. I felt Brian get harder inside me as the first hot liquid splashed across me. His load was much bigger than I was used to. Jets of warm cum sprayed over both of us and Brian pumped harder into me. Harry groaned and fell back on the bed watching us. I could feel my orgasm building in time with Brian.

With a groan he climaxed, tipping me over the edge. It was intense. The room seemed filled with pheromones and the scent of sex. The three of us relaxed breathing heavily, happy, satiated.

Someone made a comment about the drive Harry had to make to go home,

“My feet won’t touch the ground the whole way back to camp.”

After we had recovered, I walked back to his car with him. We embraced and kissed goodbye. His cock was hard against my leg.

“Oh my God you are ready to go again!” I exclaimed. I did not expect that. If I had known I would have sucked his cock until he came in my mouth. I rubbed him through his shorts.

“I should have said something,” he looked sheepish.

“Something to remember for next time.” I smiled in the darkness.

He got into his car and drove away. I wondered if I would see him again. I walked back through the marina parking lot and down the gangway. I was wearing a long flowing cardigan with nothing underneath. Something easy to dress in. In the darkness walking past the sleeping boats, I let the garment fall open. The breeze pulled the fabric away to expose my naked breasts. I knew there were other men living on some of the boats, I didn’t care. In that moment I felt like a goddess. I pushed back my shoulders daring the world to look at me and comment.

mmmMondays

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