Category Archives: Open Relationship
As a teacher and as a parent I have learned a few things about saying no. The first one is that when you say no you have to mean it. Saying “no” and then changing your mind when everyone protests just sends the message that no doesn’t mean no it means “try a little harder to convince me”.
The second thing I have learned about saying no is that you have to be prepared to back it up with a reason. Having a sound reason usually reduces the amount a student/ child will try to convince you that you really meant yes. Finally, in my experience, the people who try the hardest to change your mind are the ones who have learned from experience with other people that you can change someone’s mind. These students/ children are usually proficient at techniques that trigger an emotional response such as pouting, eye rolling, and making statements like “I was just trying to….”. These students are the hardest to deal with but getting them to see things your way is not impossible.
I posted recently about s conversation I had with a man I have enjoyed as a lover and his inability to u derstand and respect “no”. In my post I outlined my dealings with my ex lover and my very clear no. That, I thought, was that. How wrong I was. I received a couple of messages during the week about “accidental” messages automatically sent from social media apps like Snapchat and then whammo we are talking again. Well he is talking and asking me to video chat with him (he has been working in an extremely remote location over the Christmas Break). Of course I replied no. As I put my phone down I said to it “I am not going to fuck you.”
Of course he didn’t hear that, not that it would make any difference. The problem is even as I was saying the words a small part of me was protesting. He is attractive. He does have sex appeal and there were aspects of fucking him that I enjoyed. A tiny part of me almost believes that idea that it will be different if I give him another chance. Of course the rational part of me has to step in and firmly remind the positive, fantasy me of the frustration and dissapointment that is the most likely outcome if I give in.
Sometimes being the most responsible adult in the room is hard.
1. What do you find sexiest in a woman?
I am a bit of a boob fan. If a woman is dressed in such a way that you catch a nice glimpse of her cleavage or a bit of side boob then I am definitely going to be interested. I a less cliched way I am also often taken in by a woman’s mouth. I love full lips and nice teeth. They don’t have to be perfect and I don’t really go for a gap but something about the way her mouth moves makes me want to kiss her. And kissing a woman is very very sexy.
2. What do you find least sexy in a man?
An interesting question. When I first glanced through these questions I thought i was going to be waxing lyrical about tall well built, preferably bald, bulls but on closer inspection….
So unsexiness is definitely mostly linked to personality. A man who needs to “grow a set”, an Australian euphemism that you can read about here, is a massive turn off. The other thing that sends me packing is poor hygiene, body odour, greasy hair and reeking of cigarettes.
3. Have you ever been the other woman or man? Would you do it again?
I have to a certain extent been in this position a couple of times. Cruising around swingers websites looking for ‘single’ men is kind of asking for trouble. I do not judge anyone for the way they choose to run their relationship. However I choose not to be in a position where I can’t freely message or otherwise contact the person I am fucking. I also choose not to be in a position whereby play dates get cancelled at the last minute because the wife or girlfriend has changed her plans. So to answer the question I would not knowingly become involved as the ‘other woman’.
4. Who puts more into a romantic relationship you or your significant other?
This is a bit of a loaded question. In general people, male and female, always perceive their effort to be greater than someone else’s in a given situation. Additionally women tend to have different priorities from men in a relationship which means they perceive they are putting in more effort because they don’t notice what the male is doing.
Having said all that I do feel I put in more effort in that it seems to be my responsibility to make dates happen and make plans for holidays etc. This has been an issue for us but we are working on it and making some progress.
I don’t have one of these, mainly because I have not worked at my current job/profession long enough to have formed such a relationship. Or perhaps it is because I am just damned hard to get along with. I don’t know.
Mr Jones however does. Funnily enough his work wife is a woman he employed to help him out with his business after we had dated her as a couple for a while. The sex has definitely gone out of the the relationship but the friendship still remains. What I love the most about Mr Jones’ work wife is that she doesn’t put up with any of his crap. Something he definitely needed.
Bonus: Are you in a healthy relationship? What makes you think so?
I believe my marriage is healthy for several reasons;
- It is long term. In 2018 Mr Jones and I will celebrate out 20th wedding anniversary
- It is successful; we are debt free, we have accumulated wealth as a partnership on our own merit.
- We disagree but we don’t fight; raised voices between Mr Jones and myself are extremely rare. When they happen it is a strong sign for both of us to sit up and pay close attention to the problem. Our children recognise this and correctly interpret a raised voice as a sign that things are not right.
- We trust each other; both of us regularly have sex with other partners. There is always open and honest communication around this situation any distrust or jealousy always stems from suspicions about the motivation of the third party.
Bonus, bonus: Is the “work spouse” strictly a U.S. American anomaly (they do spend an insane amount of hours at work)? One study found 32% of Americans admitted to having a work spouse.
I guess my answer to number 5 shows that the term ‘work wife’ is in common use in Australia as well as the US. I am not sure if that is a sign that ‘work wife’ is truly an international term or if Australians watch too much American television.
As always for more TMI goodness make sure you hit up the TMI Tuesday website.
1. If you are on facebook, when was the last time you had to “unfriend” someone and why?
I am notorious for avoiding conflict. So “unfriending” is not something I generally do. When I first read this question I could not think of the last time that I did unfriend someone. However as I was writing I remembered the last time was when Pet and I went our separate ways. It was not an acrimonious ‘break up’ by any stretch. – He decided we were done, I said O.K and that was it. I was a bit bummed by the turn of events but we are grown ups and i decided that pursuing reasons and ‘closure’ was not worth the pain.
However I did decide that he didn’t need to be part of my Facebook world anymore. So he is no longer on my friends list.
2. What are you addicted to?
Hard question. I guess it depends on how you define addiction. In terms of a weakness that I find hard to resist it would be shoes. My last pair are my new favourites;
3. What are the first 3 things you do every morning?
Say good morning to Mr Jones, feed the bird, and get dressed. Not necessarily in that order. Often the bird comes first mainly because he is so loud.
4. How lucky are you and why?
- I have a fantastic husband and kids
- I live in a fantastic house and in a place with an almost perfect climate.
- I am lucky enough to have my cake and eat it.
5. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?
I am often embarrassed about of lots of things that I do and say. I can’t think of a thing that I have always wanted to try that I am specifically embarrassed about. One of the key things that I often find myself apologising for is wanting to try badass pole moves that involve pain and using an ‘armpit grip’. Things that look like this;
Absolutely yes. I am proud of the way I do my job and I believe that I put in everything for my students and that they benefit from it. I am proud of what I do on my pole. Most of all I am proud of my marriage. Together we have built a great lifestyle and family. We have established complete and habitual honesty which has made our relationship work so well.
I have a friend who has a rule about her ‘Number’; it can never be greater than her age. Just prior to writing this I was skipping through TMI Tuesday posts and I came accross a question about your personal number stating that in a recent survey it was found that men found women with the number higher than 14 a little off putting.
14???!!? Like shouldn’t that read women with an IQ of less than 41? I don’t really want to think too hard about this but I am relatively sure that I passed 14 a VERY long time ago. Even before my swinging days, maybe. I can honestly say that I have no idea what my number is. If I think about it I can remember most of the people of have shagged, I think. OK there will be ones that I have forgotten, not everyone I have met has been fantastic at sex. However the point is that my number is much higher than I or anyone else needs to think about.
I was recently discussing the whole concept of keeping track of your number with a male friend. He was commenting that a lot of younger men like to discuss their number, obviously the higher the figure the higher their opinion of themselves. He and I were both in agreement that it is bad form for people to have this kind of approach. Mainly because it indicates that you are just chugging through partners without any thought of the quality of your input or the effort they are putting in. Really you may as well just go visit a series of glory holes. It is very disrespectful of the person who is sharing their body with you that all you think of the experience is how the notch is going to look on your bedpost.
In my opinion being able to describe your experiences and being able to describe a life of fantasies realised is a much healthier and sexier way to live. Thinking about my number makes me feel bad about myself. There is so much confusion in my mind about what is an acceptable number and what the ramifications of a number that is too high. I am nervous sharing my feelings about my number with people because I am worried about being judged. When I think about experiences that I have enjoyed I feel strong and powerful. It gives me a sense of control over my sexuality and my life.
There is one time when a number is perhaps a good thing; when you are planning a session of pure unadulterated lust. This year will be my 45th birthday. A conversation recently with Mrs Mikes Place about a birthday celebration involving a gang bang inspired me to make a similar birthday wish for my upcoming celebration. I am a little unsure of the exact number of men she fucked but I believe that it was somewhere in the vicinity of 20.
I am nowhere near that ambitious. But my scenario runs something like this;
I am in a room of a swingers club, on a bed, mostly naked. I am not restrained but I am available to any man who is invited to join me. Mr Jones is beside me holding me, loving me. Standing over me my private bouncer, in consultation with Mr Jones, is in control of who has access to me. Men who come into the room can fuck me with the permission of the fireman and Mr Jones.
My visitors are allowed to lick my pussy and fuck me. Any condoms they fill are to be left for Mr Jones and the fireman to enjoy later. While I am being fucked other men are able to explore my breasts and have their cocks sucked. They are welcome to cum on my belly and tits but they are not allowed to cum on my face.
I don’t have a specific number of men in my mind but I doubt that I could handle more than about six or seven. Definitely no more than 10. That is the only time in my mind that a number would matter. Even then I am thinking it isn’t really an issue.
Urban Dictionary, that internet repository of popular wisdom gives several different definitions for the term cuckhold. This is my favourite one;
A husband or long term boyfriend who either likes to watch his wife with other men or is forced to watch. Often there are different levels of humiliation involved such as chastity, financial, sissification, etc. Terms surrounding cuckold include cuckolded, hotwife, bull, lover, etc.
I don’t like to think of myself as having a ‘type’ but when considering prospective partner there are a few characteristics that are known weaknesses. One of them is baldness, another is size. Not just penis size but physical size. I am not a short woman, nor am I slender but on the odd occasion that I meet a man who can manhandle me…. well you get the picture. One of the first men I met on my journey into non-monogamy was such a man, but we digress.
Big Al is one such man. He doesn’t have the height of others in my past but he has the breadth and physical strength. He is or was a fireman, did I mention the two uniforms that I find the most attractive are firemen and the high visibility type that miners and road construction workers wear?
I met him on an internet dating site. The details aren’t important but what is important is that after a while we met in person at a meet and greet evening. Of course the group we were with ended up at a strip club. It was my first visit to such a venue and I was a little preoccupied with observing the technique of professional pole dancers but not so much that I could ignore him. The vibe of the evening was unusual for us (meaning Mr and Mrs Jones). We are used to swingers clubs where everything is on the table but even though this was a self proclaimed group of swingers we were still a little unsure of the signals. Maybe it was because we were in a mainstream venue I am not sure but I managed to communicate my interest, to the bemusement of the dancer who was talking to us. He had communicated his but that night was not the right time.
The right time came later after some negotiations, otherwise known as flirting. We found ourselves in a hotel room, thanks to an unexpected last minute house guest. To start with things seemed awkward, I guess he wasn’t used to the concept of “hello let’s fuck” but after two years of meeting Pet in a hotel room I kind of expect to get jumped as soon as I walked in the door. We kissed in the doorway of the bathroom and then somehow went from fully clothed and standing upright to me in a bikini and him in boxers. There was some discussion of checking out the hotel pool until I asked the question “Really? You want to swim?”
Then he was kneeling between my legs as I sprawled on the bed. He pulled aside the crotch of my bikini so that he could examine me before he started to run his tongue around my cunt. He was good, there is nothing like the feel of a tongue giving just the right pressure, he held my hips and explored deeper as I writhed in response to him. I could feel the buildup of pressure but I fought it. I wasn’t sure if he knew what to expect. Despite my best efforts I felt s small jet of warm liquid escape, his response was to to grip me harder and bury his face deeper. I relaxed a little and let more of my juice squirt into his mouth, he drank it all greedily before licking me clean and standing over me telling me what a good girl I was.
Another trigger point. This man seemed to be ticking so many boxes, I didn’t have a hope. I sat up and removed the last of my clothingas he pulled down his shorts. His cock was hard as a rock and stuck out straight in front of him. I pulled him towards me so that I could explore him with my lips and tongue, swilling my tongue around the head of his cock before sliding my lips down his warm velvety shaft. My throat opened slightly as I pressed my lips against his belly holding his entire length inside my mouth for a moment before I started moving up and down his cock alternating between taking his entire length in my mouth and gripping his shaft with one hand while I teased his head.
His excitement infected me as I sucked him I could not resist humping the bed like a dog in heat. Everything was so sexy and I was so caught up in everything. We separated for a moment and he suggested a breather but I couldnt stop. I rolled over and out my ass in the air demanding without words a good hard fucking. I wanted to be pounded with the cock that I had sucked so well.
He didn’t dissapoint. He filled me with his cock, holding my hips as he eased himself into me. The room was filled with the sound of my groans of pleasure. His balls slapped against my clit in time with his thrusts sending small shudders of pleasure through me. I felt myself becoming engulfed by his power and strength. It was what I had been searching for without realising. I felt complete.
After a couple of sharp slaps on my arse he eased himself out of me and pulled me on top of him. For a moment we wrestled as he tried to slide his cock inside me, I resisted playing his cock over my clit triggering small gushes of liquid that covered his belly and slid down over his hips to leave we spots on the bed. He loved it grunting with pleasure and encouraging me to cover him in my juices.
“We need to send your Hubby some pictures of you being fucked by your Bull.” He said.
I reached for my phone and handed it to him unlocking it so that he could take pics. For longer than I expected he gave instructions about looking at him and complimenting me on the way my hair fell. I ground my hips into his filling myself with his cock and moaning with pleasure. Subconsciously I leaned back putting pressure on my G-spot triggering a jet of liquid over his belly. His arousal reverberated through me awakening a desire to feel his orgasm. It is like a primal urge in me the desire to watch an man’s face as he climaxes inside me. The sensation of his climax often triggers my own.
This time it wasn’t to be. We were new lovers and things were a little awkward still. Sometimes these things take a little practise. I was rewarded with a view of his cum jetting out of his cock towards my mouth as he wanked himself to full climax. I slid my lips down over his shaft letting his cum fill my mouth and slide down my throat. He seemed to climax forever. Just when he was still and I thought he was done another spasm would shudder through him. I had not seen multiple orgasms in a man since my experiences with Mr Fix It. It was a beautiful thing to see such decadent pleasure in a man and to know that I was the reason that he was reaching those heights. Quickly I snapped a photo of his cum dripping down my chin to send to my husband to let him know that I was covered in another man’s cum. If he had been there I would have kissed him and filled his mouth with Big Al’s cum to let him taste the sweetness of him. Maybe next time.
Wind back the clock about five years and my life was in a very different place. I was not employed in a paying job, I had time on my hands and Gemma Jones was at the start of her glorious career. I am not talking about the British actor but rather the sex goddess who defined my life for several years.
Fast forward to now and my life is radically different. I find myself struggling to explain to myself why a section of my life that was so amazingly empowering and just plain fun seemed to be so hard to keep alive. It is true that life is all about cycles and as the years slide by things change, no matter how much we want them to stay the same. It is also true that a life that is based around sexual gratification is ultimately very two dimensional and, ironically, unsatisfying. My life these days is much more…. twenty dimensional, and emotionally challenging and satisfying in ways that are completely different. But I keep going back to the thought that there still has to be space for Gemma in there.
For a good while I was approaching the problem from the perspective that time was the issue. I just needed to make Gemma time more of a priority in my life and give myself time to be ‘all that’. Sometimes this worked. And sometimes I have been Gemma. Actually, reflecting as I write, I think I have been Gemma a little more than I realise. A more subtle and grown up Gemma than the overtly sexual and in your face version of five years ago.
I was having a conversation with Pet recently that wasn’t really about this issue but during the course of the conversation I realised something that I hadn’t thought of before. Being Gemma is not just about finding time to fit that stuff into my life. It is also about confidence. This Gemma;
Was 10kg lighter, and had lovers in her life who were solely focussed on her. She was told almost every day by a range of people how completely desirable she was. Today’s Gemma does not look in the mirror and see a ravishing sex goddess. Instead she sees the cellulite, the belly, the folds of skin over her eyelids and she frantically checks for signs of a double chin. When she is at work she is required to wear clothing that cannot be seen up, down or through and she is constantly under review by the most self centred of beings, teenagers, and the most demanding of humans, their parents.
In short Mrs Jones often needs to be reminded she is HOT.
To effectively be able to get Gemma on Mrs Jones needs to be convinced that she is sexy or it ain’t gonna happen. It may sound egotistical and it is. I don’t need to remind anyone who has spent time with the real Gemma that the experience is not about worshipping a passive being. Gemma is all about giving and satisfying. Her own gratification is based very much on other people’s satisfaction but that is impossible to achieve if she doesn’t have confidence in her ability and appeal.
So I guess I need to add another requirement to the list for potential playmates;
- Must be able to make Mrs Jones feel like she is sexy.
That shouldn’t be too hard to achieve.
I don’t really believe in playing games with relationships so the idea of testing someone’s love is foreign to me. Having said that I have been married for 18 years and of course there have been many times when you would say that my relationship has been tested. We are still together so I guess you can say that things have turned out well.
2. Select the answer that best fits your experience. I have dated:
a. all the wrong people
b. romantic companions that were mostly a good fit for me.
c. people that were perfect fits–loves at first sight
d. not all that much, I mainly have had a lot of long term relationships
As I stated in question one I have been married for 18 years but prior to that I was mostly d. I didn’t really date all that much. Since we opened our marraige I have dated a lot but not in the traditional sense. The results of this dating are splashed all over this and my Erotic Adventures blog. I will leave you to do the research and make your own conclusion
3. Online dating: What is your success rate? What do you consider success?
So as I already said I date, primarily from online sources. Of course the motivation for this dating is not to find a relationship in the traditional sense. I am seeking sexual adventure and experiences that most people fantasise about, if they are brave enough. In terms of success it has been very hit and miss. I have written about both of these. I have been fortunate to have some extraordinary adventures but they have not been something that comes along every day. You really have to sort through a lot of rubble to find the gems.
4. What sexual thing do you do most often that you could commit to doing everyday?
A realist will be very aware of the fact that doing something every day is a great way to make it a chore. Experience tells me that making anything sexual a chore is a good way to cause problems in your marraige, so sorry to be a party pooper but I am not going to entertain the idea of doing anything sexual every day.
5. What are your thoughts on love and lust?
There is definitely a difference between a lust based relationship and a love based relationship. The line when a relationship crosses from one realm into another is very, very blurry and differs from person to person and situation to situation. There is absolutely no way that real love resembles in any way the saccharine sweet Disney version of love that we are sold as children. In my experience real love is practical, it has lots of lumps and bumps and does not come in one size fits all.
Lust is hot intense and rears its head in all sorts of situations. It is definitely a roller coaster ride and like all roller coasters great for a holiday treat but not something you necessarily want in your life every day.
Bonus: Are you searching for love or are you searching for attention?
I believe I have already found love with all of its imperfections, practicalities and pragmatism. I have built a partnership over 18 years that has raised children, built a comfortable life and sustained ourselves and a number of friends through some interesting times. I am searching now for the roller coaster ride. Maybe I have become a bit of a junkie or maybe a connoisseur but as I have said many times I am a goddess and, yes, it is all about me.
As always make sure you head in over to the TMI Tuesday site for more TMI goodness.
A few days ago I found myself trying to explain irony to a student. It is a difficult concept to convey because most explanations I came up with sounded like a definition of sarcasm. My favourite concept especially in the adult ‘Gemma’ world is juxtaposition – putting something unexpected and clashing in an otherwise serene or normal situation. Irony is something like the poor cousin to juxtaposition – an unexpected event that is something you were trying to avoid. Or something like that. This ramble started because I was reflecting on a rather ironic situation that has come to light for me. Pet’s wife has always had concerns about his relationship with me. Mr Jones has similar concerns although he doesn’t seem to be as neurotic about it as Mrs Pet. Recently, not because of me I am sure, Pet and his wife have separated. I have watched these events unfold through a tiny peephole from a very great distance and I am not privy to any but the most basic of information. This is really how it should be. His relationship with his wife is none of my business and I have learned from bitter experience that being the friend that holds the hand of a lover going through a breakup can lead to all kinds of painful consequences. So I have listened with a sympathetic ear but made it abundantly clear that I am not interested in any torrid details.
This has had the effect of Pet and I drifting apart. He is, of course, very distressed by this twist in his life and the time he had for fun and sexy times is now taken up by having to deal with separation of things and making living arrangements. Due to his job he is probably going to end up living in North Queensland which is a very long way from me. Essentially, in my mind at least, that intensely sexy, fun filled relationship has come to an end. Ironic because now that it is no longer a concern of Mrs Pet the relationship is no longer.
Maybe in the future they will find a way to rekindle their marriage. I have no idea. It is not my business to consider or worry about. I am saddened by this change in my own life. For a time things worked well for me and I was very happy in my relationship with Pet and Mr Jones. I even allowed myself the luxury of fantasising about having two husbands. But it seems that this fantasy is not to be. Maybe it is an impossible dream.
So I kind of liked this set of TMI questions as well so I decided to extend the TMI double to s triple.
BFFs, sex, and break-ups
Not too bad actually. Getting to the pointy end of term which means an insane amount of work that needs to be packed into a ridiculously short space of time but the consolation is that I am facing two weeks of holidays coming at me. There has to be some perks associated with this job.
2. You are given a strong but soft to the touch (and on the skin) rope. What will you do? (pick just one). Explain your choice.
a. Throw it in the garage to use later to tie down a tarp or something.
b. Use it for indoor wall rock climbing.
c. Tie up your lover and have your way with him/her.
d. Lasso your secret crush and take them with you.
Definitely c). Why? Because it is rather intoxicating having that much power over someone and an even bigger turn on tantalising them with sensual pleasure punctuated with reminders that I have the power to cause pain. Life is meant to be lived on the edge.
3. Give three reasons why you or anyone should masturbate.
- You are insanely horny. Not just waking up with an erection so to speak but that knawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that means your pelvis jerks involuntarily from time to time.
- You have been wearing jeans or knickers all day that have a seam that just rubs you in that spot and you have teased yourself stupid with it.
- To remind a partner that they are not indispensable and that you are capable of giving yourself pleasure without any attached drama.
4. Would you have sex with your best friend? Have you had sex with a best friend in the past? How’d that work out–did you stay friends?
Once, a very long time ago I did have sex with someone who was my “best friend”. It is probably worth mentioning that we did date for a little while before we became friends. I guess that is an indicator that there probably was some residual feelings left. Interestingly he was not particularly impressed when I started dating my husband and the last conversation I had with him was when I announced my engagement. At the time when we had sex I was under the impression that he was not interested in pursuing a relationship. However his reaction to my engagement kind of told me otherwise. Whatever was going on we have not spoken for about nineteen years.
5. What are your top 5 reasons to break up with someone?
I am in a marraige that is getting close to celebrating its eighteenth anniversary so my answers to this question are going to be more focussed on breakups of non-primary romantic type relationships.
- It is no longer enough about me. This applies to play or friends with benefits. I am a fairly accomodating and very keen to make other people happy but Gemma Jones is a sex goddess and she deserves some worship. If that isn’t happening then I am off to find a more deserving worshipper.
- They are draining my emotional energy. Some people always seem to have some kind of drama happening in their life. These are people who are always grateful for emotional support but who always seem to be absorbed in their own drama and can’t return the favour when you need it.
- They are always complaining about their problems but never seem to want to get off their arse and do something about it. Seriously, maybe the reason you are always broke is because you spend your money on stupid crap! Maybe instead of complaining about the job you hate you should go out and get a new one.
- They are just idiots. I spend a lot of my working day dealing with teenagers and adults who don’t seem to possess basic life skills. I don’t need to be doing that in my leisure time. If you can’t make intelligent conversation that holds my attention you are going to lose me. In fact sometimes conversation is overrated. If you want to fuck then don’t waste a lot of my play time with conversation.
- Like the cartoon says, they just stop calling. I am extremely self conscious about pushing myself on to people. So if I don’t get a response when I text or message and I get turned down when I try to make plans to catch up I will stop calling and asking.
Bonus: Post an image you find erotic? What about it arouses you?
This is actually a photo that was part of some wallpaper in a pub that Mr Jones and I visited recently. I think that there isn’t enough sexual images of men that have a heterosexual focus in the general public domain. What I love about this image is the shyness of him but the fact that he is still being sexual. It makes me want to explore him.
It is TMI bonus week. When I went to write my post for this week I discovered a half written post from s couple of weeks ago. At the time I discarded it because it put me in a bad headspace. Today however I have reclaimed myself, I am woman hear me roar! So read my words and hopefully learn from my experiences.
1. Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?I have indeed had some bad sex in my life. The first time I had sex was a real let down. The guy had a big dick, he had no idea I was a virgin and I was a notch on his bedpost. It was never going to end well.
Since then I have had probably way too much bad sex. Mainly as a result of me not speaking up and saying no when I should have. I have a chronic problem with needing to please people and this leads to me giving them what they want even when it is hurting me emotionally and physically. As I get older I am getting better at saying no and, more importantly, the people around me are getting better at recognising the signs when I am giving more than I should.
2. Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?
See above. I can’t think of many times when my partner has walked away unsatisfied but I am sure my dissatisfaction with the situation rubs off sometimes.
3. What instantly puts you in a bad mood?
Earlier in my marraige sex became a commodity that was given out to keep the peace. I guess it was symptomatic of a lot of other unspoken things that were happening at the time. Also it was a result of my screwed up Catholic upbringing. What ever the reason I got into the habit of giving ‘mercy sex’. This kind of sex gave little pleasure for me and the feeling of seeing someone get pleasure from my body without any of that feeling for me was an instant mood killer.
4. Have you been hurt during a sexual activity? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?
Emotionally I have been hurt a lot (see above). Physically not so much. Sometimes there has been discomfort during sex but I am generally careful to not be physically harmed. I guess I have been fortunate, or careful, not have chosen a partner that will hurt me physically.
5. During sex, what instantly turns you off?
There are a few things that are mood killers when in the flirting stage. One of these is body odour and other is cigarette odour. Once the clothes start to come off body odour again can become an issue. Especially if a guy has a lot of pubic hair and it has that smell that happens when it isn’t clean. Another thing that is a mood killer for me is when a guy is sweating a lot and it drips off his face onto mine. I hate it.
6. Bad sex–is there really such a thing?
Ohhh yes!!!! I think I have described a few situations in this post. Other things that can result in bad sex;
- A small penis. I know it is politically incorrect but I am picky about size. It doesn’t have to be massive but if it is smaller than average then you better know how to use it!
- A malfunctioning penis. Guys this is the age of medical enhancement. Situations involving onlookers or unfamiliar surroundings WILL cause issues. Get some viagra.
- Not being comfortable. I am not necessarily talking about unfamiliar situations more like not being confident that you are attractive or being made to feel like you are just a living breathing sex doll. It may work for some but not for me.
Bonus: Biting during sex–
a. do you like it?
When I am a little bit aroused on gentle biting around my neck is a huge turn on.
b. do you do it?
I must admit I do. In an encounter with pet I got a bit carried away with biting and left some significant bruises. What surprised me about that situation was how turned on I got by doing it.
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