Weekend Meanderings

We have arrived In Port Stephens and yesterday spent a lovely day touring the coast. It is my first visit to this area either by land or by sea and I am enjoying seeing a different coastline with some entertaining and generous hosts. There were many sights to see and as a science and geology nerd I was kept interested by some spectacular rock formations. I don’t think I will ever tire of observing how the ocean shapes the coastline.

One of the highlights of the day was a sighting of a vulnerable species of sea bird called a Gould’s Petrel. Our hosts were proud to tell us that this particular species only nests in two places near their home. As we were cruising past these nesting sites we were discussing what the birds looked like and I observed what I thought was a tern. After some googling we discovered that we had in fact just observed a pair of the elusive birds. Further research taught me that in 1995 there were as few as 220 breeding pairs in existence but conservation work has helped the numbers to increase to around 1000 breeding pairs in 2007.

Later that evening we were discussing mutual friends and the definition of wanker came up in conversation. Mr Fisherman thought that our excitement about seeing the Gould’s Petrels would in many people’s eyes make us seem unusual and possibly fall into this category. My personal opinion for what it is worth…

It is a great tragedy that so many Australians have never travelled outside of major cities or regional centres and that most Australian school children are completely unfamiliar with all but the most common Australian native animals such as magpies, kangaroos and koalas.

If that makes me a wanker then so be it.

Later that evening we enjoyed each other’s company in a more adult way. There may have been some wankING but there were no wankERs.

Another Weekend

Photo by Ross Parmly on Unsplash

There have been times in my life when I have felt isolated and as if I had no friends at all. My weekends have stretched in front of me full of chores and lazing around my house. Somehow I seemed to have turned that upside down. At the moment every weekend seems full of stuff. Tomorrow for the third weekend in a row we are packing our suitcases and heading off. Flying to meet a couple that live in another state.

At the time when I booked the trip it was one weekend and it seemed like a good idea. They are nice people. When we were together last we had good food, good conversation and sexy times. That is definitely the plan for this trip as well. And I am sure that I will enjoy myself.

But as I type I look out the window at a yard that needs attention. I am ignoring the sewing waiting for me. A weekend of hibernating seems like a luxury that is out of reach. And now I need to go to work.

Today’s Word – FOMO

OK so FOMO is an acronym rather than a word but it is what today is about for me. We are in day 2 of the Easter weekend which for Australians is a four day weekend. Traditionally many Australians take the opportunity to have a mini holiday often featuring camping or visits to the beach. For us winter is approaching. Days are getting shorter, mornings and evenings are just that little bit cool and we are reminded that it could be our last chance to enjoy the great outdoors.

The situation with my parents is a bit weird. They live a six hour drive away from me. Visiting for holidays like Easter and Christmas is not just popping over for dinner it is an Odyssey. It involves visiting for at least two days or back to back six hour drives. Add the guilt, the stupid mind games and general negativity that my mother generates by being a toxic person and Easter and Christmas frequently have the joy sucked out of them.

As we were planning this visit I was being positive about it. It is necessary, it means I have don’t my duty and I will be able to be free for a while. Our lifestyle friends were attending a camp which sounded much more fun but I made the conscious decision to do the right family thing. It just so happened that the campsite was on the way to where we were going to visit my family. So we took a detour to visit for an hour or so.

Whilst the visit itself was enjoyable and meant that we could connect with some people we hadn’t seen for a while it was also a little frustrating. We couldn’t stay even though it looked fun. Today I hit the point where I realised that you can make the most of a bad situation but in the end it is a bad situation. The whole day I have been thinking about the camp we visited and wishing that I was there.

Next year.

Happy Easter everyone.

Unrealistic

Today’s word comes from a message I received from a random man on Facebook. I am a member of a couple of swinger’s groups that connect people who are interested in socialising together. The group is predominantly focused on connecting people who like cruise liner holidays both the “full take over” swingers cruises that operate from the United States as well as groups of swingers who go on cruising holidays together on regular vanilla cruises operating from Australia, or overseas I guess.

In the world of Covid the members of the group have focussed on more local travel and get togethers. The Bubbles have hosted some winery tours and Mr Jones and myself have hosted some sailing tours. Both events have been amazing, we have all met some good friends who have similar interests. So Random Man messages me with the following question

” I wanted to be sure about these excursions; are all who attend swingers and is couple play a realistic outcome if all are comfortable?”

I can’t speak for The Bubbles. I didn’t attend their events. Wine tasting is not my thing. I prefer to find a person I want to spend time with and drink the wine they recommend. But speaking for the excursions run by Mr Jones and myself, yes.

IF

People are comfortable / attracted to / interested in the other people around.

BUT

Coming along to something like that expecting that couple play is going to happen as a matter of course is a going to result in disappointment. The second part of his message raised a few red flags;

” Are you aware of any Eyes Wide Shut style parties in Brisbane and how we could get invited?”

Right! So just to be clear Eyes Wide Shut focussed on a secret society of wealthy people and the women featured were prostitutes. They were fucking the ugly old guys because the guys were rich and they were paying them. Yes some of the scenes showed all people attending the party fucking including the rich old guys’ wives with young attractive men (also probably prostitutes or being rewarded in some monetary way). But a party of regular people with all their lumps and bumps and baggage, who haven’t met before, getting together to get naked and fuck the night away? Not as easy as just asking the first swinger you come across on Facebook for an invite.

The red flag that question raised was about expectations. In my internet meanderings I have met many men who are interested in swinging. A lot of the time their wives are not. I have even met couples at swing events in this situation. For some reason these guys seem to think that convincing their wife to just give it a try will result in them being able to fuck as many women as they want. Frequently these men don’t think about the possibility that the other people at these events might not be what they want or that they are NOT interested in fucking a guy who has coerced his wife into “giving it a go”.

Sometimes these men are looking for more sex because they don’t feel they get enough at home, or something is missing. I agree, expecting one person to meet all your sexual needs is unrealistic, but expecting swinging fix problems with your partner is also unrealistic. If your relationship is broken, and lets face it if you are coercing her to do something she doesn’t want to there is brokenness there, swinging will not fix it.

Of course I didn’t speak to this man long enough to get a clear picture of what he is looking for or of his situation. He could very well be in a completely well functioning relationship with a willing partner who is just as keen as him. He could attend an event and it could be all he and his wife dreamed of. But like I said that last question just raised a red flag.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 24

Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time, watched others have sex, been watched? If not, would you?

Urban dictionary defines swinging as;

“A lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside the established couple. Swingers tend to refrain from romantic attachments with their outside partners, thus differentiating themselves from PolyAmorists. There is some overlap between the two communities, though the closeness of the comparisons are generally not acknowledged.

Swingers often engage in the activity as a couple. Swing parties are venues where the activities may occur”

Mr Jones and I describe ourselves as swingers for the most part. We count ourselves as part of “The Lifestyle” which is a bit of an amorphous term that seems to come from the United States. It doesn’t seem to be as widely used in Australia but most people in our community (OK lifestyle!) seem to be familiar with it. Vanillas are not. But then vanillas are not familiar with a lot of things.

Anyway. We are swingers. Which means that we do attend swinging events and clubs. Group sex is a big part of our repertoire. At this point in our lives we are more likely to be involved with threesomes with another male than we are with foursomes or ‘couple swapping’ which is what traditionally characterises swinging. If you scroll back through my blog you will see many stories describing encounters like this. Some are fictional some are fact. 

So breaking this question down. Because it is really more than one question.

Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?

Yes. I have been face deep in a woman while her husband is balls deep in me and my husband watched on. I have been face deep in a woman while her husband and my husband tag teamed me. I have had a cock down my throat while another is in my cunt. And on a few memorable occasions I have entertained penetration from two men at the same time. Whew! I am a busy girl.

Have I ever watched others have sex?

Yes. As I mentioned we attend swinging events, parties, camping weekends, clubs and the like. So yes I have seen people having sex in a range of situations. Something I feel privileged to experience is being up close to watch another couple being intimate together. Say when there are four of us in a room. There is something very special about that. 

Have I ever been watched?

Of course the answer to all of these questions is yes. The final one is not an unconditional yes however. I posted recently about an encounter Mr Jones and I had with a park bench and a distant fisherman. There have been those encounters. But at above mentioned events Mr Jones is a bit more reluctant. He is happy to have his dick sucked in the open arena but once things get serious he is less keen. 

So group sex. Yes. In a whole range of variations. 

Riding the Sybian Explained

The Cowgirl Premium Sex Machine | Fucking Machines | Sybian Sex Saddle

Last week I posted an image of myself riding a Sybian. At the time I posted I had just returned from a weekend long lifestyle event. My mind was full of thoughts, images, conversations and encounters. Most of these were positive experiences. At the time of posting the photo I made some vague statements with a promise that I would be back later to expand on my experiences. I guess later has arrived. 

Despite our long term swinger status Mr Jones and I have never really been part of any large scale lifestyle event. We have been to clubs and parties. As far as private parties go the largest we have been to is about fifty people and everyone was out the door and heading home by about 1 am. Clubs can kick on for much longer. We have had experiences of New Year’s Eve events that saw us heading home with the rising sun. We have been on camping weekends with a small intimate group of friends that have had their own delights but as far as camping on a private property with 100+ people for two nights and effectively three days? Not our experience. 

We connected with this event primarily through Mr and Mrs Bubble. Mrs Bubble does not organise this event but she does promote it. The Bubbles are regular attendees at this event although it has to be noted that they DON’T camp. Mr Jones and I have a lot of camping experience but it has been quite a while since we have camped in a tent on the ground. So we were nervous. Dealing with this many people is a new experience for us. I was a little surprised when Mr Jones was adamant about biting the bullet and attending. 

When we arrived it was overwhelming. Experienced campers arrived early to secure their “spot”. I was unable to secure a whole day off and so we arrived a little later than many. As we pulled into the driveway we were overwhelmed by the number of well set up camp sites with motor homes, camp trailers and generally organised people. I felt like we were the poor relations with our old tent and borrowed gear. It didn’t matter to people who we already knew. They welcomed us with open arms. 

After setting up and feeling a little organised we ventured to the centre of the party. There was loud music and many bodies in the pool. To give you guys some perspective the party is run on a private acreage property. The owners open sections of their house, their outdoor entertaining area and their pool and surrounding deck to party goers. A sound system is brought in, additional BBQs are set up and Porta Loos are erected. It is a feat of organisation, generosity and hospitality.  It is an anything goes situation. Nudity is practiced, semi nudity is practiced and full clothing is sometimes worn. Whatever a person is comfortable with. The weather in Queensland this summer has been wet. This particular afternoon was hot and the air was thick with humidity. The pool was popular. 

After a couple of drinks and meeting some people we toured the parts of the house that were open to guests. The media room was darkened slightly and furnished with some mattresses as well as couches for viewing and whatever else came to mind. Some other rooms were set aside as private play spaces. In the media room a sybian was set up on a bench. I was approached by a man who invited me to use the horse. 

Keeping my mind open and pushing back my feelings of being reserved I agreed. The operator was an interesting man and very enthusiastic. He explained he had put the sybian on a bench so his partner could use it as her knees were not able to support her well. She is a taller woman and the bench height was such that I couldn’t put my feet on the ground. It was very much like mounting an actual horse! 

My new friend put the sybian through it’s paces. The vibrations were strong and the attachment was insistent. It definitely produced a response and after a short time I found myself having to focus on not wetting the floor! It was awkward not being able to support myself properly and I felt a little self conscious being in such an overwhelming environment. So the session was probably a little short. I didn’t realise that the horse is normally on the floor. Which would have been a much better position for me. 

My impressions of the sybian? I think in the right situation it could be a lot of fun. I definitely want to try it again, perhaps in a better position with someone else on the controls. Perhaps also in a situation where I am feeling more relaxed and comfortable.

Wicked Wednesday

Other People’s Relationships

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

We had lunch yesterday with Mr and Mrs Bubble. Both are long term swingers. Both are currently dating other people outside their primary relationship. Mr Bubble is very much a go with the flow person. Drama, ultimatums and other turbulence are not his style. His other is a perfectly lovely woman. Wise, kind, down to earth, honest and someone I would welcome into my marriage dynamic.

Mrs Bubble is a completely different kettle of fish. She loves to socialise and be the life of the party. She is also wise kind and a great person to be friends with. In the past she had a relationship with a man that was a spectacular failure. It almost cost her her marriage to Mr Bubble and it did cost her a lot of emotional turmoil. After a recovery period she has met and is very much enjoying another young man. Most of the initial honey moon phase happened while we were away. She told me about him via message and it all seemed peachy. As we re-inserted ourselves into blue pill world and re-connected with friends and acquaintances we heard mutterings and disquiet about this relationship. Many of Mrs Bubble’s friends were concerned about this relationship, how besotted Mrs Bubble was, how young he was and just where it was going. I met the new boy a couple of times. He has said about five words to me and we have had the most superficial of interactions. I can see how she finds him visually attractive. The jury is out on his personality.

Recent conversations with Mr and Mrs Bubble have revealed that the new boy is, in fact in a live in relationship with another woman who until about a week ago didn’t really understand the nature of her boyfriend’s relationship with Mrs Bubble. Both The Bubbles are quite critical of this relationship. In their opinion she acts in a completely unreasonable way. There are fits of yelling, isolation by the silent treatment and she isolates him when they do socialise together by speaking her native language with her friends. English is a language she is still learning and he definitely does not speak hers. Despite this The Bubbles admit they have only heard one version of events.

It would be easy to judge in this situation. Easy to judge the girlfriend for being a screaming, unreasonable, demanding woman. Her behaviour is definitely something most westerners would not tolerate; but we need to stop and  consider what we do know about her. She has been wronged. She is living in a country with a very different culture from the one she grew up in, trying to learn a different language and set of behaviours that must seem quite foreign. The relationship with The New Boy is key to her staying in Australia. Without it she goes home. Home to what? As I said to Mr Jones there must be a reason that so many women from SE Asia put themselves into bad relationships, rely on men who exploit them and behave in the only way they know to control a relationship to avoid going back. I don’t think white middle class Australians understand that.

We could judge Mrs Bubble for getting involved with him in the first place. I, personally, would have put the skids on the whole deal when I learned he was sneaking around behind his girlfriend’s back. My personal feelings on this kind of situation are a little unconventional and go like this. He is making the choices. Any wrongdoing is on him. But I am not up for getting abusive phone calls or messages from a jealous, outraged wife / girlfriend. But Mrs Bubble is not me. Her position is that she isn’t doing anything wrong. And she ISN’T. She ISN’T the reason that his relationship is failing. She is a symptom of that. She isn’t lying to anyone. She is also making sure that The New Boy does have a basic level of respect for his girlfriend and at least gives communication to reassure her about his safety. 

Finally, we could judge The New Boy. He is the one doing the cheating. He is the one with the power to walk away from the toxic relationship. But again there are mitigating circumstances. It is a big responsibility to know that if you end this the other person may have to go back to their country of origin, to a life that they clearly will go to great lengths to escape. In addition, this Covid affected world has created a housing issue in Australia. Many people have come back to Australia from overseas to ride out the pandemic in the relative safety of a country that has isolated itself from the rest of the world. Housing occupancy is ridiculously high. Meaning renters struggle to find, let alone afford, a place. The New Boy is young and works in hospitality, an industry that has suffered. He can’t afford to rent an apartment by himself.

All of these things make this situation one complicated mess. It is easy to take one or the other person’s side. It would be easy to judge one or two or all of the parties involved. Many people have aligned themselves with a particular person thinking that would make them a good friend. It may, to a certain extent. There have been times when this topic has come up in conversation that I have had to stop myself from spouting my opinion. From forcing my way of thinking into someone’s ideas. I have also had to be very aware of Mr Jones. He has less self control than me and says offensive stuff all the time. It comes from a place of love and honesty but someone who struggles to give correct names to stuff cannot express themselves accurately about something this complex and is guaranteed to say something he will regret. I have repeated the phrase, “Other people’s relationships are other people’s business” quite a few times. He knows what this means – “Don’t discuss this here, it isn’t your place to offer an opinion about someone behind their back. Besides you DON’T know everything about it.”

 I introduced a new term to him yesterday, “Loose lips sink ships,”. The Bubbles are influential in our little world. They know a lot of people which is why we find ourselves in conversations about this topic almost everywhere we go. Some of what we have been told by The Bubbles themselves I don’t think is common knowledge. Putting our knowledge into the common domain will only serve to muddy the waters further. Discussing this topic everywhere we go only creates more interest and judgement. Besides, gossiping will not solve anything. It won’t create an epiphany of realisation on one of the parties involved part. It will just create negativity, feelings of self righteousness and ultimately isolate some beautiful warm people.

Sitting at lunch listening to The Bubbles talk about their feelings and ideas I found myself wondering what is the right thing to do here. I didn’t think they wanted advice. I KNOW they probably are getting it in spades from other people. I don’t feel that my opinion would add any value. But I didn’t want to sit there looking empty headed and acting like a gossip sponge soaking up all the information to spread it around later. In the past I don’t think I would have been so self aware and I possibly WOULD have soaked up the gossip to repeat it at the earliest opportunity. but I believe that one has to act in the way one would like to be treated. In my professional world, gossip about my after dark activities could be disastrous. I go to great lengths to keep those two worlds apart but sometimes there is a little bleed over. Sometimes I say stuff that is completely unconscious that makes people wonder. Especially people who possibly also walk in this world. It would be amusing to find out how many people in my school actually do. I know of one for certain and have suspicions about a couple more. 

But I digress. I guess after all this rambling I don’t have a major world changing closing statement. What I do have are the two statements I have told Mr Jones. “Other people’s relationships are their own business”. We will never know all the ins and outs of a situation. We almost never get to hear both (?) sides of a story and we never see all the events unfold. The second is “Loose lips sink ships” Gossip never did anyone any good. In fact it usually ends up causing havoc. To that end one should never feed it. 

Wicked Wednesday

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 9

If you were to “recreate” the early days of your favourite sexy relationship, what would they look like? Would you change anything?

Both Mike from Marriage, Sex and More and Rebel from Rebel’s Notes commented to me that they found Question 8 challenging. I must admit that I felt the same way, but I was more challenged by this question. When I reflected about my potential answers, I realised that my favourite sexy relationship is often the most recent. I think it is human nature to want what you cannot have rather than appreciate what is easily available. And so, when a sexual partner becomes unavailable the amount of pleasure you remember having with them is increased.

This was definitely the case with Pet. For a long time after he departed from my life, I was always looking back at what we had and hoping to find someone equal to him. While we did some amazing stuff, and I had a very enjoyable time over quite a long period if I was honest there were times that were not perfect. Particularly towards the end of our time together I knew it was winding down and becoming routine. I remember thinking after one encounter that our relationship was reaching the end of its shelf life. Yet when he pulled the pin unexpectedly with no explanation it was suddenly the best sexy relationship ever had.

Pet loved wearing my knickers and I loved seeing him in them.

The same sort of thing happened with JB. I absolutely loved being part of his awakening and giving him the opportunity to experience things he had only fantasised about for so long. He was a very caring and generous lover. But again, after a time I knew my attention was going to wane and again he withdrew unexpectedly and suddenly, and I was left feeling like I had been deprived.

As time goes by and new people enter your life the old people who have departed fade into the background. The same applies with sexual relationships. The best sex is the sex you are having now with the person you are with. For me anyway. I know that there is bad sex and I have had plenty of that but somehow, I still feel that connection with the last lover as if they are the best. From a biological point of view, I can understand there is probably some body chemistry that makes you feel this way. It is nature’s way of tricking you into staying with your mate long enough to raise the offspring you are creating.

So, what does all this have to do with the question? Everything and nothing. I guess the short answer is that I don’t have an exact favourite or, rather, they are all favourites. Would I change any of them? Probably not. They have all been experiences and that is what this lifestyle is about for me.

TMI Tuesday the Fantasy Edition

1. Does your sex life need some fantasy? What kind of fantasy?

Tonight I feel as if I have been living a fantasy for the last few days. I am not exactly all sexed OUT but I am certainly sexed UP. Thank you Second Mate and Mr Jones. You have been awesome.

2. What is eroticism for you?

Many things. It can be a look. It can be the words whispered in your ear and sometimes it is laughing because your husband is struggling to video you peeing over the side of the boat.

3. You are invited to a kink party, will you go?

Erm yes!! I would be offended if I wasn’t invited.

4. Your lover has tied your naked body down. What do you want to happen next?
a. You get tickled mercilessly
b. You are covered in whip cream and people lick the cream entirely from your naked body
c. Bind, blind, and tease your erogenous zones with an ice cube, feather, candle wax, tongue, etc.
d. A sex toy is used to penetrate you to orgasm

I am going with C. Although I am not sure about the ice cube. Although in the last few days D has been more my experience.

5. In your sex life, do you go along with whatever your partner wants and needs or when necessary do you handle things to make sure you have thrilling sex?

I am a lot more compliant and tend to go along with what my partner suggests most of the time. It has led to some very exciting experiences.

Bonus: When is the last time you purchased a sex toy? What did you buy? Was it purchased online or at a store?

I purchased a small massager just before we left on our voyage. Like all my sex toys I purchase online. Unless you count the rope I purchased at Bunnings in Cairns!!

Imbalance in Internet Dating

As a person in an open relationship who is actively seeking partners I spend a lot of time dating. I don’t mean the awkward dinners that are portrayed on “First Dates”. I am talking about the internet style hook – up type dating. I use a website that is specifically for swingers and I avoid mainstream dating websites like Tinder. My main reasoning for that is to protect my privacy and avoid being outed by someone in my professional life. There is a part of me that is curious to see what would happen if I set up a Tinder account but I am not brave enough yet.

The thing with any dating app whether the user is seeking a soulmate or a one night stand it seems that there is a surplus of males and a seemingly tiny number of receptive females. I hear stories from men about meeting women who get inundated with hundreds of messages. So many that it is impossible for them to reply. That has not been my experience. I am almost fifty, I am married and state clearly I am looking for a man who is comfortable being naked in front of my husband. That in itself seems to weed out a lot.

Despite that I do get attention. I could never hope to meet every man that messages me even those that might be attractive to me or interested in similar activities. If I did meet every man that is attractive and interested I would never get out of bed. I have to narrow the field somehow. I have to make some choices and let others fall by the wayside. I can make arbitrary rules like “If you don’t have a picture in your bio” or “If your initial message is full of Text speak like HowRU” then you don’t make the cut. But I still have to talk to a lot of men who are never going to get in my panties, so to speak.

I have posted before about disappointments. About spending the time talking, exchanging pics, building up some attraction and tension, arranging to meet and then…. Crickets. It is at these times I wonder about my selection process. Should I change my criteria? Am I looking in the wrong place? Is there something I missed? Sometimes I nod in recognition of something that did raise itself but I ignored because he looked hot / I was busy / I was horny etc. Sometimes I am mystified. Sometimes it is the universe saving me from myself. Sometimes I meet some amazing people, like Johnny.

Of late I am with Mr Jones 24 / 7. He sees everything I do which is something he didn’t at home. He doesn’t have a problem with it but I think it has been a bit of an eye opener for him. We have had more open conversations about what each other is wanting / needing. It has been a time of growth for both of us. He has a better understanding of some of my frustrations and the process of making things happen. A lot of times with our lifestyle we discuss an idea and then it happens with little legwork from him. He very rarely puts in the work of building a connection and discussing possibilities with anyone except me.

For me I have a better grip on what he wants but also on how he feels about what I do. The monogamy habit still overshadows things for me sometimes. There is often a lurking fear that I will hurt Mr Jones or damage our relationship. Spending this time with him and discussing different scenarios has helped me to see that he is truly fine with most things as long as he is confident that I am taking him into consideration. I am “allowed” to be slutty and impulsive and have sex with someone I ran into without protracted negotiation and consent from him. He likes the idea of something like that happening and finding out about it later. It is something I am getting used to. I am not quite ready to do something like that but I guess the time will come.

Like everything in this life things are constantly evolving and changing. There are things that we do now that we would not have done even two years ago. I have no doubt there will be other things that we will add to our repertoire over time and still others that will be struck off the list. It is all a question of balance really.

Image by Neel Shakilov from Pixabay

This post was written for Wicked Wednesday prompt #472 “Balance” to see who else is sharing click the button below.

Wicked Wednesday