Imbalance in Internet Dating

As a person in an open relationship who is actively seeking partners I spend a lot of time dating. I don’t mean the awkward dinners that are portrayed on “First Dates”. I am talking about the internet style hook – up type dating. I use a website that is specifically for swingers and I avoid mainstream dating websites like Tinder. My main reasoning for that is to protect my privacy and avoid being outed by someone in my professional life. There is a part of me that is curious to see what would happen if I set up a Tinder account but I am not brave enough yet.

The thing with any dating app whether the user is seeking a soulmate or a one night stand it seems that there is a surplus of males and a seemingly tiny number of receptive females. I hear stories from men about meeting women who get inundated with hundreds of messages. So many that it is impossible for them to reply. That has not been my experience. I am almost fifty, I am married and state clearly I am looking for a man who is comfortable being naked in front of my husband. That in itself seems to weed out a lot.

Despite that I do get attention. I could never hope to meet every man that messages me even those that might be attractive to me or interested in similar activities. If I did meet every man that is attractive and interested I would never get out of bed. I have to narrow the field somehow. I have to make some choices and let others fall by the wayside. I can make arbitrary rules like “If you don’t have a picture in your bio” or “If your initial message is full of Text speak like HowRU” then you don’t make the cut. But I still have to talk to a lot of men who are never going to get in my panties, so to speak.

I have posted before about disappointments. About spending the time talking, exchanging pics, building up some attraction and tension, arranging to meet and then…. Crickets. It is at these times I wonder about my selection process. Should I change my criteria? Am I looking in the wrong place? Is there something I missed? Sometimes I nod in recognition of something that did raise itself but I ignored because he looked hot / I was busy / I was horny etc. Sometimes I am mystified. Sometimes it is the universe saving me from myself. Sometimes I meet some amazing people, like Johnny.

Of late I am with Mr Jones 24 / 7. He sees everything I do which is something he didn’t at home. He doesn’t have a problem with it but I think it has been a bit of an eye opener for him. We have had more open conversations about what each other is wanting / needing. It has been a time of growth for both of us. He has a better understanding of some of my frustrations and the process of making things happen. A lot of times with our lifestyle we discuss an idea and then it happens with little legwork from him. He very rarely puts in the work of building a connection and discussing possibilities with anyone except me.

For me I have a better grip on what he wants but also on how he feels about what I do. The monogamy habit still overshadows things for me sometimes. There is often a lurking fear that I will hurt Mr Jones or damage our relationship. Spending this time with him and discussing different scenarios has helped me to see that he is truly fine with most things as long as he is confident that I am taking him into consideration. I am “allowed” to be slutty and impulsive and have sex with someone I ran into without protracted negotiation and consent from him. He likes the idea of something like that happening and finding out about it later. It is something I am getting used to. I am not quite ready to do something like that but I guess the time will come.

Like everything in this life things are constantly evolving and changing. There are things that we do now that we would not have done even two years ago. I have no doubt there will be other things that we will add to our repertoire over time and still others that will be struck off the list. It is all a question of balance really.

Image by Neel Shakilov from Pixabay

This post was written for Wicked Wednesday prompt #472 “Balance” to see who else is sharing click the button below.

Wicked Wednesday

Relaxing In To It

As I write this I am still wondering at the concept that we have only been on this journey for a week. It almost feels like we have been doing this always. In the weeks leading up to our departure I worried about missing my pets. One week in and I was scrolling through photos on my phone and I saw a picture of my bird. I was like “yes, I remember him”.

Part of the reason I think I am feeling this way is the weekend we just spent with some good friends who travelled to meet us where we are staying for a little while. For two days clothing was optional, alcohol was consumed when and as much or as little as desired, and there was no guard on what we said or did. It wasn’t an orgy but that didn’t matter. We were free.

I had a moment of realisation at one point that for the next 20 weeks I will not have to guard the division between Gemma and Mrs Jones as carefully. For this time instead of 80% Mrs Jones and 20% Gemma I will be 80% Gemma and 20% Mrs Jones. Worrying what the neighbours think will be a secondary issue.

Being in a space where you are yourself and there is no judgement is very liberating. It is something that can be difficult to achieve. It is also something that can be hard to accept. For too long most of us have to be careful of what we say and do. Especially those of us who like to do things other people consider to be morally questionable. For us finding a place where we can be in the bubble of complete acceptance is rare.

I find myself frequently telling people I am the most fortunate person. Currently I am living the dream. Many people that I speak to are envious of our opportunity. They wish they could be like us; on this journey. I am acutely aware of how privileged I am. How fortunate I am that I can afford to buy this yacht, how fortunate I am that I can afford to take this much leave from work, how fortunate I am that I can leave my children to fend for themselves for this time. The list goes on and on. This weekend added another element to my good fortune.

I am living in a marriage with a person who gets great joy from seeing me be sexually fulfilled. Not only that, I have friends who think the same way and accept me for me. In fact, if they are to be believed they actually think I am cool and sexy. A goddess if you please. If there was a utopia I believe I went there last weekend. The comedown was not as harsh as it could have been. Although I feel that for our friends it may have been a little worse because they all had to return to work on Monday. I merely took my yacht a little further up the coast to find another idyllic beach….

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday. To see who else is being wicked click on the button below.

Wicked Wednesday

Hello Thirty Dirty Questions

A while ago I stumbled across Bridgit Delaney’s Erotic Journal Challenge for November 2020. The concept of answering thirty questions about sex, which is not dirty, appealed to me. If I had been aware of the challenge at the time I would have liked to participate. I hope she doesn’t mind that I am using the questions now. If you want to read her answers to the questions the links are still live on her page.

I am not going to promise an answer every day. Maybe one or two per week. The next six weeks promise to be intense for me as I prepare for our departure on our voyage of a lifetime. In the back of my mind is also the Ryan and Carmen series that I started. I am at a bit of a roadblock with them and I do ponder what is going to happen next frequently but have issues focusing on getting words on a page.

In the meantime you can read the answer to the first question;

How do you define “awesome” sex? (i.e what makes sex better than good)

There are some people who think that any sex is good sex. I disagree. Over the course of my life, I have had the full range from sex that leaves you with a smile on your face that lasts for days to sex that leaves you feeling like someone used you as a cum bucket while stealing a piece of your soul.

The last, fortunately, has not happened for a long time but those kinds of experiences leave scars. Like most people, for me sex is usually middle of the road to good. Orgasms are amazing for releasing stress and general wellbeing. If they happen with the help of another person that makes them all the better. But sex that is next level requires more than an orgasm or two.

For sex to be truly awesome there first needs to be a connection. Some spark between two (or more) people. I cannot define or predict that spark, but I absolutely know when it happens. There is an inkling when you meet the person face to face and then there is this moment when you touch. Usually, it is fingertips on a thigh or a gentle stroke on an arm. Something small and subtle that tells you that there is. Going. To. Be. Fireworks.

The next phase is often jumbled and never plays out the same way but there is kissing, there is groping and hands inside clothing. My nipples are amazing barometers of how good things will be. If I am into him, he can squeeze them and take them into his mouth, even use his teeth gently and I will almost climax. If I am not, then nothing will happen. It will feel irritating.

There is always sucking of cock for me. It is something I live for. To hold him in my mouth and look up to see the pleasure on his face. There is nothing in the world that matches the feeling of truly admiring a beautiful cock. In the words of Cardi B

I don’t wanna spit, I wanna gulp,

I wanna gag, I wanna choke

I want you to touch the lil’dangly thing

That swing in the back of my throat

My second favourite thing is fucking. He needs to fill me, wrap his body around me. There needs to be moments when I am so lost in the feeling of him, I cannot control myself. The room needs to be full of the sound of me enjoying myself.

But the thing that truly defines awesome sex is when he puts his face between my legs. I cannot define the technique that works. I can say that there are some men who are gifted and many who are not. I am greedy, I am selfish at times. I WANT to be pleasured. I want to be eaten. I want a tongue all over me. Some of the sexiest memories are of a man’s face between my thighs, eating me greedily until I cannot wait to get his cock inside me.

In truly memorable sessions there is not the standard progression from fondling to oral to fucking. There is meandering between all three, backwards and forwards until both of us are spent and unable to move. If it has been completely awesome, I will go back again and again. I am like Augustus Gloop with sex. A complete glutton. There will never be enough.

Which is hard to find. And worth holding on to when it happens.

This post is part of this week’s MMMonday roundup. Click here to see who else is saying MMM.

Fantasy vs Reality Pt 2 – The Reality

For this week’s Wicked Wednesday I posted a man’s swing fantasy. In the original post the challenge was to post the fantasy and the reality. This is the second part of the post – the reality.

They could hear the faint bass of the music through the glass door as they stepped up to the entrance to the club. As he placed his hand on the door handle, he glanced over at Nicole. Finally, they were here. Tonight was the night that the fantasy that filled his mind every time he touched himself would become a reality.

“Ready?” he asked, pushing down the butterflies in his stomach.

She squeezed his hand and smiled, just as nervous as he was.

“Let’s do it.”

They stepped through the door together. Daniel wasn’t sure what he expected but when he was completely honest, he was a little disappointed. The inside of the club was very similar to other nightclubs except there were far fewer people. Patrons stood chatting at the bar and the small tables scattered around. In one corner a dance floor with two poles was mostly empty. Like himself and Nicole most of the patrons wore normal street clothes, just a little bit shorter and some of them with more revealing necklines.

He didn’t know what he really expected but he was certainly disappointed at the lack sexiness of the whole scene. There were no pornographic images on the wall. No naked or semi naked people anywhere to be seen or even people making out. It all seemed so boring.

The managers of the club showed them around, explained the rules about not touching without an invitation, not entering a closed room and where to put the towels after they used them. At the end of the tour Daniel and Nicole were introduced to a few of the regular people and they found themselves chatting to an older couple. The conversation was about regular things mostly. Occasionally the couple would ask a question about how long they had been together and what they were wanting out of tonight but they didn’t know how to answer. It was all so awkward. Daniel’s fantasy seemed further away than ever. It seemed straightforward at home in their bedroom but now they were really here and really doing it suddenly it seemed a little more complex. He looked over at an adjoining table, two couples were flirting and chatting with each other. How does that happen? he wondered.

Time passed, the other couple seemed attractive enough but he wasn’t sure of the protocol. They seemed a little hesitant. Maybe they weren’t interested. Then seemingly out of the blue the woman asked,

“Do you guys want to get a room?”

He looked over at Nicole. She nodded,

“Why not?” She replied with a smile.

Relief washed through Daniel, followed by a sudden rush of nerves. It was really going to happen now. Really.

Once inside the room things happened quickly. The couple undressed, quickly and efficiently. Daniel felt like a klutz shrugging out of his clothes. The four of them lay on the bed together and looked at each other. The other couple seemed to be waiting for some kind of cue.

“So what kinds of things are you guys interested in?” The woman asked.

Nicole shrugged, “We don’t have any expectations,” she replied. “Whatever comes along I guess,”

The women started kissing. Daniel watched, feeling his cock stiffening. This was one of the things he knew she wanted. It was one of the things he wanted as well. The sight of their two soft bodies pressing together was incredibly sexy, so much more arousing in real life than watching two women in a porno.

Just as he was getting into what was happening between the women the other woman broke away from Nicole,

“I don’t like the guys to feel left out,” she smiles up at him as she snuggled against him. It felt odd, the first woman he had been naked with except for Nicole for seven years. The feel of the unfamiliar skin excited him. He bent down and kissed her, slowly at first before her mouth opened and he probed her with his tongue. Over her shoulder he could see Nicole kissing the other man. Daniel was torn between exploring the woman curled up against him and watching his wife with another man. His new partner broke out of the kiss and wiggled her way down the bed. As he kneeled above her, watching his wife being pleasured by another man she began licking the tip of his cock.

Her tongue swirled around his foreskin before she took him deeper and deeper into her mouth. Daniel looked down at her head as she sucked and then over at Nicole who was lying back on the second bed with the other man’s face buried between her thighs. The whole scene was surreal and intensely exciting, but he worried about a million things.

His head filled with doubts, would he be big enough, would he do this right is he big enough? The other man’s penis seemed enormous to him. Suddenly he felt completely inadequate. He worried about Nicole enjoying the other man more than her own husband. He looked down at the other woman, what if she didn’t like him because she was used to someone else?

Her mouth on his cock is warm and wet but despite enjoying it he can feel that he wasn’t going to stay hard.

He moved on top of her and she rubbed his cock over her thigh. Mistaking it for an invitation he tilted his hips to slip inside her. With a small frown she pushed him away and asked him to don a condom. Then he sees the other husband donning a condom without any prompting. How could he have made that mistake? Of course they should use condoms. The other man passed him a condom; Daniel could feel his cock softening even more. He wondered if he would even get hard enough to put it on. All he wanted to do was put his clothes on and leave. Disappointment welled up. He had wanted this for so long and now his fantasy is not working out how he planned it at all.

The other woman took the condom from him and moved to place her mouth over him. Nothing about the way she moved showed that what was happening to him was weird. He felt a little better. In her mouth he feels himself getting hard again and relief floods through him. She manages to slide the condom over his cock, and he finds himself guiding his cock into the first woman he has fucked, other than his wife for years. He takes some time to enjoy the moment. Underneath him the woman twisted and turned enjoying his cock. His cock is still not as hard as he would like, and her movements push him out of her.

They tried again but the same thing happened. Daniel could see that she was getting frustrated. When he glanced over at Nicole she looked as sexy as hell, but her cries of pleasure frustrated him. He wanted to be that excited. He wanted the moment to take him over, but it wasn’t working for him. He knew he should feel happy for her but watching the other man with his huge cock bigger than his ever was fucking his wife made him feel sad and pathetic.

The other man groaned as he emptied himself inside Nicole who celebrated his pleasure with him by pressing her body against him as he came. Daniel moved over to Nicole and turned her over to fuck her doggy style, the sight of her full round butt turned upwards, inviting him in never failed to turn him on. As he slid inside her he asked her to suck the other man. It was intense watching his wife in a spitroast but still he was frustrated, still he couldn’t cum.

Then someone knocked on the door,

“Closing time,” a voice drifted through.

Now everyone was waiting for him to finish but he knew he couldn’t. The other couple move away from the bed and dress quietly.

“We will see you outside,” The smile and quietly leave.

Image result for bad sex

Young Boys

Young boys are my weakness

I just like their sweetness

You know when something is wrong but then it tempts you and you start to wonder. Young boys are like that for me. The awkwardness and the earnestness of them. The way their bodies are pounding with hormones but they have no idea how to handle it. The way they are fascinated with women but they have no idea what to do with them. It is just so fucking sexy sometimes.

Hey boys let’s mess around

I wanna party with you on the town

My job (and the law) precludes me interacting with a boy that is truly young and innocent in that way. Once they get a bit older they have had some experience and then they become a bit arrogant. Or their awkwardness makes them just a little bit sad. I have avoided these boys because I didn’t want to spend my play time giving instructions.

Some boys really make me swing

There ain’t nothin’ like a pretty young thing

In the back to school catch ups with work colleagues I chatted with my work son. (A pretty young thing) about his new girlfriend. He told me that he had taken her virginity, a responsibility he took very seriously I am pleased to say. His feelings about her lack of experience were mixed. Mostly he didn’t like the idea of being with someone who had no idea. Until he realised he could mould the way she gave head.

His words made me rethink some of my ideas about younger boys.

Then I wrote some more of the series I am currently working on. During my research I looked up a Wiki fan page about Stiffler’s Mom. That made me rethink some of my ideas about younger boys

Young boys are really mellow

You don’t believe me? Then just try this fellow.

I think I am almost in the right mindset to be Stiffler’s Mom. To be that woman that is the center of a younger man’s fantasy. To shape him and to enjoy that hard young body.

This post is part of MMMMonday. Click on the image below to see who else is saying MMM

2020 The Year of Corona

Trending: Corona beer memes and that it is willing to pay $15 Million to  change the name of Coronavirus - Times of India

Many times during this year I have felt as if I were watching this pandemic from afar. The number of cases in my country are many times smaller than even the death tolls in a lot of countries around the world. The numbers of cases are so small here that the media goes into a frenzy if a cluster reaches double digits.

During May we did have lockdowns and restrictions but honestly, compared to case numbers in the Northern Hemisphere I wonder if they were necessary. The five or so weeks we spent online schooling was seems completely unnecessary when looking back.

Or were they?

Are our low numbers because we were so extreme so early? Or are they simply a result of our isolation? Could we have achieved the same results by simply closing our boarders and not letting anyone else in? We will never know.

Effects of Corona aside, something that did happen this year for Mr. Jones and myself was a reconnection with the swinging community. This was, ironically, an indirect result of Corona virus. We attended a weekend for swinging couples back in September and consequently found ourselves thrust into the whirlwind social life that is the swinging lifestyle. You can read some of my thoughts about this turn of events here.

We had drifted away from this ‘scene’ for a few reasons, my job as a teacher, my mental health, some bad experiences with couples and just the general meanderings of life. Swingers are, for the most part, very social beings. We get excited about meeting people who think like us and the bonus is every now and then we get to be sexy which is a whole lot of fun. Now that we seem to have connected with an extreme example of the socialising side of things our lives look very different.

I started 2020 with a determination to be more social. I had resolved to attend Work Social Club events and generally put my face into as many social things as I could. A look at my calendar showed me that I definitely needed to get out more and I knew, on a very visceral level that I definitely needed to people my world with some supportive people.

Then Corona happened. Ironic really. Not being allowed to visit with friends I didn’t have didn’t affect me that much. But I did kind of feel a bit weird to not be allowed to socialise in the year I had resolved to do so.

I have never been good at making and keeping friends. During primary school I was homeschooled and lived in a relatively isolated situation. The only regular playmates I had were my younger brothers. The school playground lessons in making friends and understanding social cues were unavailable to me. Entering high school saw a complete 180 degree turn, I went from rarely seeing girls my own age to living with about seventy of them 24/7! It wasn’t easy. So being thrust back into a social whirlwind is hard. I want to have close friends but somehow I just never seem to say the right thing and I end up withdrawing. 

Dealing with a lot of people in a large group is stressful. One of our ‘new’ friends talks a lot about a trip of a lifetime she enjoyed with her husband. They toured Europe and visited a lot of very crowded places which she absolutely loved! I personally couldn’t think of anything worse! Give me a beach or some remote place, no more than ten people and a campfire with some quiet conversation and I am happy. 

So what does 2021 bring for social Gemma? We are continuing to ease ourselves back into swinging and partying. I will no doubt find myself in any number of difficult situations, dealing with new people and having to make small talk courtesy of my new friend. I will have a good time most of the time, I am sure. I am also sure that my liver will take a beating. 

The other big thing on our horizon is our six month sailing adventure. Sailors are like swingers. Well, actually I think some of them ARE swingers. Time will tell. Whatever their sexual orientation, they are also very social and tend to drink a lot. My liver is going to age, a lot. 

So here’s to socialising, making friends and hopefully restoring my tribe.  

Why Do We Clink Glasses And Say "Cheers"? Farmers' Almanac

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday #448 Looking Back on 2020. To see who else is being wicked click here or on the image below.

Social Overload

Mr Jones and I have been “In the Lifestyle” for about ten years. Initially we started out exploring together and our rules, such as they were, stated that we played together and only with other couples.

Early in our journey we met a few couples who we went on to become good friends with some of the couples we met. We hung out with them as regular friends attending some family events, camping together and sharing meals etc. We did fall into a group or a couple of groups who held parties regularly and we attended some parties that were like the fantasy stories that people read about.

Over time we became more relaxed about our ‘rules’ and our relationship evolved into the more Open Marriage that I described in last week’s TMI Tuesday post. Other changes in our lives including me beginning my Teaching career and a decline in my mental health has meant that we grew away from the traditional swinging lifestlye. We pursued our own partners or visited clubs to pick up people for sex. Sometimes we interacted with couples but the interaction was limited and often frustrating as it is difficult to find a couple where all four members are happy and comfortable with each other.

Last year I was included by a long term friend in a group that organises weekends away for like minded people. I decided it might be fun to dip our toes in that water again so I signed Mr Jones and myself up for a weekend at a large holiday house with four or five other couples.

In terms of fucking the weekend was relatively tame. In terms of getting naked or semi-naked, making innuendoes and playing sexy games we were fairly out there. In terms of drinking, it was next level.

The wash up from the weekend is that Mr Jones and I have found ourselves back on the social merry-go-round of the South East Queensland swing scene. One of the royal couples of this scene has taken us into their ‘bubble’ and we now find ourselves drinking and socialising much more than we have in quite a long time. It has been a journey and an awakening. It is exhausting.

I have been diagnosed with garden variety depression and been medicated for this for quite some time. I believe that it is mostly hormonal and a result of menopause, or so I thought. I have always avoided the idea that I had anxiety but I definitely find interacting with large groups of unfamiliar people difficult and very, very tiring. Add that to forcing my body to digest significant amounts of alcohol more regularly than I have in about twenty years and I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Last night we attended a birthday party for one of our new friends. It was fun, they had employed a fantastic musician and we met some nice people. But during the course of the evening there was discussion about upcoming events following Christmas and New Year. The birthday girl announced that she had no free weekends until 21 Feb!!!! My brain hurts thinking about that much socialising.

Of course they are encouraging us to come along to some of those events but we find ourselves hesitating. We are enjoying the new set of friends. We are having fun but such a radical change in such a short amount of time is hard to deal with. I need some time to adjust. I also think we are not going to be the people who are at everything. I just don’t think I can cope with dealing with that many people so regularly.

And so over the next month we are going to be adjusting and evaluating. Hopefully we will be able to strike a balance that works for everyone.

Bisexual Men – A Strange Bunch of Nuggets

The word bisexual in the swing scene is an interesting social experiment. In 2009 – 10 ish when Mr Jones and I started on this journey bisexual women seemed to be the thing everyone looked for and bisexual men were pariahs who everyone avoided. There was some level of expectation that all women in the swing scene would interact sexually with other women. There was also some level of expectation that men would not “cross swords” or even fantasise about it.

Weird when you think about it. Also completely misogynistic. Men are attracted to female bodies (for the most part) and so expect that women would feel the same way. A lot of men are repulsed by their own bodies and so (for the most part) don’t want to look at other men. Or is it because they are afraid they will see something they like? I don’t know. It is all too coufusing.

Fast forward to now. People are becoming more open minded and the idea of MM interaction is more accepted. Men have discovered that some women (like me) actually find watching men pleasuring each other sexually very arousing. On the whole men and a lot of women haven’t quite evolved to appreciating the cock for the amazing beautiful thing it is but I am hopeful. Whatever the case bisexuality among men seems to be something that is more accepted.

There are levels though. Some men are OK with touching and being sucked; a mouth is a mouth right? Some men want to experience a cock in their mouth. Some men, (like Mr Jones) are feeling happier to bring out dark fantasies of wanting to see their wives covered with another man’s cum. Some men want to go all the way with being penetrated.

What is rare is a man who has an open and vocal appreciation of cock. I mean a man who will go down on his knees and worship a cock in the way I described here. I had never seen one until recently. It was the same evening as I had the creepy encounter. Once my new friend and I were despatched to a private room Mr Jones got naked as well. He of course was aroused and his cock is definitely one of the most attractive in any room. My new friend was impressed.

I watched as he kneeled in front of My Jones and took a cock in his mouth like no man I had ever seen before. He was truly in love with what he was doing. He sucked greedily and happily. He would have taken a mouthful of cum with relish. Mr Jones told me later he was the only person who can suck cock better than me. I think I need to up my game.

If you met the guy on the street or even in a swing club he would not seem any different from another guy. He didn’t seem to be interested in checking out other guys when they had their clothes on. Maybe it is just the cock he is interested in. Whatever the case he is comfortable with himself and his body and he knows what he wants. And honestly, that is sexy as hell.

Just No

I was recently at a swing club and encountered a man. That in itself is not unusual. It is in fact one of the things that Mr Jones and I go there for. The difference in this case is that I didn’t find him attractive. I knew this as soon as I saw him. Not only did I not find him attractive I also had some instinctive understanding that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

Throughout the evening I avoided eye contact with this man. I didn’t want to get into a conversation with him. I knew without experiencing it that he would be pushy and not listen to me when I avoided his advances. In short I just found him a bit creepy. I chatted with other men and found other people who were much more attractive to me.

Later I was in an open play area and I was enjoying myself with another man. He was sitting on a couch naked and I was kneeling in front of him with my mouth on his cock. It was hot, he was enjoying himself and I was enjoying myself. Two consenting adults enjoying themselves in a place where that kind of thing is allowed. I was aware of the creepy guy watching. It wasn’t ideal but it was a public space, he was entitled to watch. As long as he kept to himself.

Of course he didn’t. Creepy people never do. They are constantly trying to find a way to ease themselves into situations where they are not wanted or invited. I heard him asking Mr Jones if he was able to join in. Of course Mr Jones stated that I was in charge of that. I turned and clearly said no to him.

Undeterred he moved to be sitting on the couch a little way down from myself and my new friend. He pulled out his cock and began wanking. Not entirely the most acceptable thing but I ignored him. As long as he kept his hands to himself I was prepared to ignore his transgression.

As it happened Covid restrictions meant my new friend and I were directed to a closed room. I don’t know what the difference would be but hey, we adjourned and continued with our fun.

Later I was talking with the club security. He apologised for moving us. In pre-Covid times giving a man a head job in an open play area was the norm. These days rules say that kind of thing is not allowed. The club’s owners don’t like the rules or think they are sensible but they are also keen to avoid a fine and so enforce them. What was more of a concern to him was the behaviour of the creepy guy. It turned out that he was not prepared to overlook Creepy Guy’s transgression and was only to happy to evict him.

As I suspected he did not go willingly. He refused to understand that what he had done was not acceptable. No amount of explaining could convey why creepiness was not OK. To make matters worse he accused the security man of being racist. It is true that Creepy Guy was not Caucasian like myself, Mr Jones, our friend and the security man but that was not the reason why we found him creepy. He was just creepy.

At the end of the day no-one likes being rejected. It is unpleasant and can be painful. But pushing things can lead to situations where you have to hear even less pleasant things about yourself. If a person says No it really is best to just accept it and walk away.

This post is part of Wicked Wednesday prompt #441 Unrequited Love. Click on the image to see who else is being Wicked.

Blurred Lines

The thing about swinging is that it opens doors. Doors to fantasies that you didn’t know you had, doors to understandings about people and relationships that vanillas never have, doors to a world where a lot of things are OK even though the vanilla world thinks it is not.

This world can be very liberating. When you step through that door you are taking yourself to a place where a lot of the regular rules don’t apply. Expression of your sexuality is allowed. Even if it isn’t exactly everyone else’s cup of tea. The general attitude expressed by most people in this world is that as long as everyone is consenting then everything is good.

In the regular world there are rules about this. A person in a relationship is clearly out of bounds to everyone else. Outsiders think that the swinging world abolishes this rule completely. That everyone is available to everyone if there is attraction. The truth is not quite that simple.

Yes people in relationships can be free to explore other people they are not in a relationship with. Yes people can have multiple sexual relationships, even multiple romantic relationships. Is everybody happy with the situation all the time? In a word, no. The key word is, as it is in the vanilla dating world, consent.

In the vanilla world consent is pretty clear. It is about one person saying yes to another. Once you get into non-monogamy consent becomes complex. The two people getting naked together might be all good and ready to say an enthusiastic yes but there are other people in the picture, others who have a stake in what is going to happen. Consent must be given by them as well.

Of course that doesn’t mean that the intending couple get naked and then sit down and phone all of their current partners to ensure that there is informed consent. In these situations consent may have been discussed beforehand, eg as they dress to go to the party or even as they make the decision to embark on opening their bed to others. Consent in these situations can be like a long term permission, not a case by case basis.

But life is not black and white. There is ALWAYS an exception, situations NEVER play out exactly as you expect and you frequently find yourself dealing with the result of the unexpected or the unplanned.

For example a situation I found myself in recently. Mr Jones and I attended a swinger’s weekend where we made some lovely new friends. In fact you can read about it here. The weekend was organised by an experienced couple through a group of swingers. It wasn’t publicly advertised. To be in the group you had to be “in the scene” so to speak and be referred by someone. One of the couples we met had an interesting dynamic. Mr introduced Mrs as very new but himself as experienced in the past. On the first evening alcohol was consumed, Mrs seemed happy to participate and get her toes wet. Everything was going swimmingly.

The next day she was more reserved. The real statement was when eight people got into the spa and she was the only one wearing a swimsuit. On the second night as cocktails were consumed and the party heated up Mr and Mrs retired to bed, stating they had partied too hard the night before.

A few weeks later Mr contacted me. The reality of the situation became a little clearer. They were not, as we thought, a married couple. In fact they are not even living together. Not that much of an issue except he admitted to me that Mrs really only expresses herself that way when she has been drinking.

This admission only came out after some flirting and a clear statement on his part that he found me attractive and definitely wanted to take things further. Here is the blurred line. I have the required consent to go and fuck most of the men I encounter. I think this man does not. But he has not stated this. He is clear that he wants Mrs to enjoy the delights of our world but she isn’t confident. How much encouragement should Mr Jones and I give? How much of this situation is him trying to “encourage” her to a place where he can be out and about? I got into a situation like this once before. Pet did not have consent from Mrs Pet to be with me. The contortions he went through to make that situation happen were interesting to say the least.

In the end he and Mrs Pet did not make it. I guess his single minded pursuit of women out of his reach contributed to that but really the danger signs were there in the beginning. The point is that it is hard to tell where the line is when it comes to consent of other partners when finding your way around the swinging world. Most of the time you are relying on people to tell the truth. Most of the time they do, but sometimes they don’t.

Pet never really lied about the way things were between him and Mrs Pet. He just manipulated the situation slightly. I don’t think my new friend is really lying to me about his girlfriend. He hasn’t suggested a meeting between the two of us and maybe his isn’t thinking about that. I honestly don’t know. Which links back to the issue of having to rely on people telling the truth.

Mr Jones and I are honest. About everything. It is the secret to our success. If you want to call what we have as success. But I can’t expect everyone to have that standard. Experience has taught me that many people struggle to be honest. In the end it is safe to say that freely given, informed and enthusiastic consent is difficult to obtain from everyone in this world.