Morning Conversations

Photo by Sara Cervera on Unsplash

My morning started with a rant about my local Catholic Parishes seeming reluctance to post their Christmas Mass times on their website. Instead inviting people to call their office for times. The Unicorn joined in with a rant about Gen Z and their typical reluctance to actually speak to humans on the phone or in general. Not sure what THAT says about the future of humanity!!

Somehow the conversation went on a tangent to the inability of many people to engage on dating apps most notably their photos. She made the comment that while older people can be excused from not taking great photos of themselves for these things because they didn’t grow up with camera phones. Millenials and Gen Z people really have no excuse. She did admit that what it really comes down to is effort. Bad photos = low effort.

I made the observation that single people are single for a reason. As a single person she took offence until I pointed out that the reasons vary from person to person and for some it is about choice and that isn’t a bad thing. The interaction resonated with me because swingers by nature date. We date in a lot of different ways, some of us use apps, some meet at parties and clubs, some through social media and some through friends. The common thread here is that, like most singles we are looking for connections with people who think the same way as us. Unlike most singles we aren’t looking for a life partner but we are all looking for someone.

A common feature of all of these “methods” of meeting people is that there are almost always more men than women. These men are, as a rule, looking for a woman. Interestingly, and this is different from the vanilla singles scene, the women are more often than not also looking for a woman. You can see the problem here right? A lot of the issues that I have heard The Unicorn and other single friends complain about are present in the swinging dating world. People with shitty or inaccurate profile photos / information. People who don’t communicate well with messages. People who ghost or stand you up. It all happens to swingers as much as regular people. I am constantly told by men about how hard it is to find people.

Which gets me back to the reason(s). Vanillas are single for a plethora of reasons; too picky, too lazy, looking at the wrong people, accepting treatment that leads to failure, don’t actually want to be attached. Swingers struggle to find people for sometimes similar reasons; too picky, not picky enough, don’t put in the effort to talk to people, aren’t approachable, or one of the key reasons, not reasonable about what they can actually access. Women in the swinging world could be forgiven for thinking they hold all the power. Some of us think this means we can hold out for the perfect man / woman. What we often don’t consider is that perfect women are going to act like fucking queens. Perfect men are not far behind them.

And so we hit upon the crux of the problem. Everyone is looking for someone as long as that someone is putting in more effort than them to look good and be sexy. Everyone is looking for someone as long as they don’t have to work too hard to get them and everyone is looking for someone who is going to give them exactly what they want without compromise or tit for tat. I haven’t been single and dating in the current Vanilla climate but from what I have observed this is a universal attitude of most people. Whilst The Unicorn was placated by my statements that sometimes the reason is a positive choice, I am not stupid enough to pretend that she has her shit together enough that she doesn’t have to consider her approach and the way she deals with people. But my overriding approach to parenting is that where you give the kid some advice and then enough space to try something, followed by dealing with the fallout.

And so she went on her merry way. I went on mine. But as I am learning just because your child is no longer a teenager it does not mean their life is not necessarily devoid of teen-like drama.

Hair of the Dog

As part of my recent birthday celebrations Mr Jones, a few friends and I booked a hotel suite on the Gold Coast. We spent an excellent evening watching a local cabaret followed by drinks, chatting and general debauchery in our room. One of my friends changed into a zentai suit for the later part of the evening which was interesting. It reminded me of Deadpool, who for the record is very sexy.

When I got up in the morning I was greeted with the Deadpool suit reaching through an internal window towards the remnants of the party in the kitchenette. It seemed he needed some sustenance to come back to life!

Sinful Sunday

Drunk People Don’t Want Tea

As part of the push to complete posts I started but didn’t finish I bring you a reflection about an encounter I had recently.

“Tea and Consent” was a big part of the way I educated No 1 Son and The Unicorn about sex and consent. For me teaching my Young People about consent was more important than teaching them about STI’s or giving them guidance about when is a good time to have sex. For a few years “Drunk people don’t want tea was a mantra that embedded the idea of informed consent.

In my lifestyle consent is important. Swinging events, parties and clubs can be chaotic. People find themselves in situations that have only ever existed in their fantasies. Standard boundaries around monogamy are thrown out of the window. “Normal” ideas about what is acceptable behaviour are challenged and can become confused. To make things even more complicated every single person has a different set of expectations and ideas about how certain situations will play out. On the surface safety, in particular safe sex, seems to be a pretty standard expectation but again there are differences in expectations and plans don’t always become reality. Alcohol is a big part of the mix. Many people drink to relax and “get more in the mood” especially if they are new or nervous. But sometimes it is hard to pace yourself and the line between relaxed and social and too intoxicated to make a properly informed decision is hard to see and even harder to avoid crossing.

Recently we observed an interaction between two couples, Mr and Mrs A and Mr and Mrs B. Both professed to be experienced. You would think that being experienced their communication would be clear and their respect for other people would follow suit. You would think. Mrs A was hot. Walk in the room and get instant attention from everyone hot. She also proceeded to drink a fair bit. The jury is out about how much Mr A drank but I suspect he was the more responsible one of the duo.

Mr and Mrs B were fairly restrained. Mr B was also irritatingly opinionated about “lack of action” “people being conservative” yada, yada. He didn’t respond to being challenged by an older, more confident and some would say less attractive woman but when Mrs A walked into the room he was all over her. Mr Jones and I decided to depart before he irritated me even more and I said something I would truly regret.

As we were standing in the bar chatting to some friends we were surprised by Mrs A rushing up to us frantically proclaiming that Mr A was outside “losing his shit” because Mr B had been fucking her without a condom. One of the staff departed to deal with the situation as Mrs B arrived and started proclaiming that she hated this kind of drama. That people who don’t have their relationship sorted should really not come to places like this et cetera ET CETERA.

She is right. Drama like that has no place in a swing club. People who don’t communicate well in their relationship and have a good understanding of where the other is at really shouldn’t be swinging. Public arguments make everyone feel awkward and they rarely solve any problems. But the flip side of things was not being considered here. Mrs A was drunk and this man had taken the opportunity to have sex with one of the most attractive women in the room. I am certain he didn’t ask her if it was OK to not use a condom. Because, given the way things had panned out she would have told him that isn’t part of their rules. If he didn’t want to ask the default should have been to wear one. That is the standard procedure. Anyone who has been around as much as they were proclaiming to be should know that.

Was the drama justified? Not really. Drama never is. Were his actions acceptable behaviour? Definitely not. He didn’t ask for or consider her feelings or consent. He didn’t consider her drunkenness as a sign that she could not give enthusiastic, clear and informed consent. In a lot of ways he deserved the reaction he got.

The Word for Today – Neon

The Unicorn and I are involved in this project together. Or rather she is trying to start a business and I somehow got tangled up in it. We have sewn together for a long time. She studied fashion at school. I just like sewing and have largely taught myself what I know. Now she is trying to start a label that encompasses active wear and alternative underwear. And here I am designing and making boxers and underwear for men that is not really meant to be hidden under pants. Our latest idea is neon boxers that glow under UV light.

Interestingly a group of my friends are planning to travel to the US later this year to be part of a Lifestyle Cruise. One of the themes for the evening is a “Glow Party”. Several of them are interested. My mind fills with thoughts of naked people dancing in a night club covered in bright glowing colours of mesh. As the night progresses the bodies become closer together or small groups of them break off from dancing and find an alcove to explore more. As things get more heated their glowing clothing is discarded and they climb naked into an oversized bed. Their luminescent clothing scattered about on the floor as their bodies grind together in time with the music.


Weekend Meanderings

We have arrived In Port Stephens and yesterday spent a lovely day touring the coast. It is my first visit to this area either by land or by sea and I am enjoying seeing a different coastline with some entertaining and generous hosts. There were many sights to see and as a science and geology nerd I was kept interested by some spectacular rock formations. I don’t think I will ever tire of observing how the ocean shapes the coastline.

One of the highlights of the day was a sighting of a vulnerable species of sea bird called a Gould’s Petrel. Our hosts were proud to tell us that this particular species only nests in two places near their home. As we were cruising past these nesting sites we were discussing what the birds looked like and I observed what I thought was a tern. After some googling we discovered that we had in fact just observed a pair of the elusive birds. Further research taught me that in 1995 there were as few as 220 breeding pairs in existence but conservation work has helped the numbers to increase to around 1000 breeding pairs in 2007.

Later that evening we were discussing mutual friends and the definition of wanker came up in conversation. Mr Fisherman thought that our excitement about seeing the Gould’s Petrels would in many people’s eyes make us seem unusual and possibly fall into this category. My personal opinion for what it is worth…

It is a great tragedy that so many Australians have never travelled outside of major cities or regional centres and that most Australian school children are completely unfamiliar with all but the most common Australian native animals such as magpies, kangaroos and koalas.

If that makes me a wanker then so be it.

Later that evening we enjoyed each other’s company in a more adult way. There may have been some wankING but there were no wankERs.

Another Weekend

Photo by Ross Parmly on Unsplash

There have been times in my life when I have felt isolated and as if I had no friends at all. My weekends have stretched in front of me full of chores and lazing around my house. Somehow I seemed to have turned that upside down. At the moment every weekend seems full of stuff. Tomorrow for the third weekend in a row we are packing our suitcases and heading off. Flying to meet a couple that live in another state.

At the time when I booked the trip it was one weekend and it seemed like a good idea. They are nice people. When we were together last we had good food, good conversation and sexy times. That is definitely the plan for this trip as well. And I am sure that I will enjoy myself.

But as I type I look out the window at a yard that needs attention. I am ignoring the sewing waiting for me. A weekend of hibernating seems like a luxury that is out of reach. And now I need to go to work.

Today’s Word – FOMO

OK so FOMO is an acronym rather than a word but it is what today is about for me. We are in day 2 of the Easter weekend which for Australians is a four day weekend. Traditionally many Australians take the opportunity to have a mini holiday often featuring camping or visits to the beach. For us winter is approaching. Days are getting shorter, mornings and evenings are just that little bit cool and we are reminded that it could be our last chance to enjoy the great outdoors.

The situation with my parents is a bit weird. They live a six hour drive away from me. Visiting for holidays like Easter and Christmas is not just popping over for dinner it is an Odyssey. It involves visiting for at least two days or back to back six hour drives. Add the guilt, the stupid mind games and general negativity that my mother generates by being a toxic person and Easter and Christmas frequently have the joy sucked out of them.

As we were planning this visit I was being positive about it. It is necessary, it means I have don’t my duty and I will be able to be free for a while. Our lifestyle friends were attending a camp which sounded much more fun but I made the conscious decision to do the right family thing. It just so happened that the campsite was on the way to where we were going to visit my family. So we took a detour to visit for an hour or so.

Whilst the visit itself was enjoyable and meant that we could connect with some people we hadn’t seen for a while it was also a little frustrating. We couldn’t stay even though it looked fun. Today I hit the point where I realised that you can make the most of a bad situation but in the end it is a bad situation. The whole day I have been thinking about the camp we visited and wishing that I was there.

Next year.

Happy Easter everyone.


Today’s word comes from a message I received from a random man on Facebook. I am a member of a couple of swinger’s groups that connect people who are interested in socialising together. The group is predominantly focused on connecting people who like cruise liner holidays both the “full take over” swingers cruises that operate from the United States as well as groups of swingers who go on cruising holidays together on regular vanilla cruises operating from Australia, or overseas I guess.

In the world of Covid the members of the group have focussed on more local travel and get togethers. The Bubbles have hosted some winery tours and Mr Jones and myself have hosted some sailing tours. Both events have been amazing, we have all met some good friends who have similar interests. So Random Man messages me with the following question

” I wanted to be sure about these excursions; are all who attend swingers and is couple play a realistic outcome if all are comfortable?”

I can’t speak for The Bubbles. I didn’t attend their events. Wine tasting is not my thing. I prefer to find a person I want to spend time with and drink the wine they recommend. But speaking for the excursions run by Mr Jones and myself, yes.


People are comfortable / attracted to / interested in the other people around.


Coming along to something like that expecting that couple play is going to happen as a matter of course is a going to result in disappointment. The second part of his message raised a few red flags;

” Are you aware of any Eyes Wide Shut style parties in Brisbane and how we could get invited?”

Right! So just to be clear Eyes Wide Shut focussed on a secret society of wealthy people and the women featured were prostitutes. They were fucking the ugly old guys because the guys were rich and they were paying them. Yes some of the scenes showed all people attending the party fucking including the rich old guys’ wives with young attractive men (also probably prostitutes or being rewarded in some monetary way). But a party of regular people with all their lumps and bumps and baggage, who haven’t met before, getting together to get naked and fuck the night away? Not as easy as just asking the first swinger you come across on Facebook for an invite.

The red flag that question raised was about expectations. In my internet meanderings I have met many men who are interested in swinging. A lot of the time their wives are not. I have even met couples at swing events in this situation. For some reason these guys seem to think that convincing their wife to just give it a try will result in them being able to fuck as many women as they want. Frequently these men don’t think about the possibility that the other people at these events might not be what they want or that they are NOT interested in fucking a guy who has coerced his wife into “giving it a go”.

Sometimes these men are looking for more sex because they don’t feel they get enough at home, or something is missing. I agree, expecting one person to meet all your sexual needs is unrealistic, but expecting swinging fix problems with your partner is also unrealistic. If your relationship is broken, and lets face it if you are coercing her to do something she doesn’t want to there is brokenness there, swinging will not fix it.

Of course I didn’t speak to this man long enough to get a clear picture of what he is looking for or of his situation. He could very well be in a completely well functioning relationship with a willing partner who is just as keen as him. He could attend an event and it could be all he and his wife dreamed of. But like I said that last question just raised a red flag.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 24

Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time, watched others have sex, been watched? If not, would you?

Urban dictionary defines swinging as;

“A lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside the established couple. Swingers tend to refrain from romantic attachments with their outside partners, thus differentiating themselves from PolyAmorists. There is some overlap between the two communities, though the closeness of the comparisons are generally not acknowledged.

Swingers often engage in the activity as a couple. Swing parties are venues where the activities may occur”

Mr Jones and I describe ourselves as swingers for the most part. We count ourselves as part of “The Lifestyle” which is a bit of an amorphous term that seems to come from the United States. It doesn’t seem to be as widely used in Australia but most people in our community (OK lifestyle!) seem to be familiar with it. Vanillas are not. But then vanillas are not familiar with a lot of things.

Anyway. We are swingers. Which means that we do attend swinging events and clubs. Group sex is a big part of our repertoire. At this point in our lives we are more likely to be involved with threesomes with another male than we are with foursomes or ‘couple swapping’ which is what traditionally characterises swinging. If you scroll back through my blog you will see many stories describing encounters like this. Some are fictional some are fact. 

So breaking this question down. Because it is really more than one question.

Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?

Yes. I have been face deep in a woman while her husband is balls deep in me and my husband watched on. I have been face deep in a woman while her husband and my husband tag teamed me. I have had a cock down my throat while another is in my cunt. And on a few memorable occasions I have entertained penetration from two men at the same time. Whew! I am a busy girl.

Have I ever watched others have sex?

Yes. As I mentioned we attend swinging events, parties, camping weekends, clubs and the like. So yes I have seen people having sex in a range of situations. Something I feel privileged to experience is being up close to watch another couple being intimate together. Say when there are four of us in a room. There is something very special about that. 

Have I ever been watched?

Of course the answer to all of these questions is yes. The final one is not an unconditional yes however. I posted recently about an encounter Mr Jones and I had with a park bench and a distant fisherman. There have been those encounters. But at above mentioned events Mr Jones is a bit more reluctant. He is happy to have his dick sucked in the open arena but once things get serious he is less keen. 

So group sex. Yes. In a whole range of variations. 

Riding the Sybian Explained

The Cowgirl Premium Sex Machine | Fucking Machines | Sybian Sex Saddle

Last week I posted an image of myself riding a Sybian. At the time I posted I had just returned from a weekend long lifestyle event. My mind was full of thoughts, images, conversations and encounters. Most of these were positive experiences. At the time of posting the photo I made some vague statements with a promise that I would be back later to expand on my experiences. I guess later has arrived. 

Despite our long term swinger status Mr Jones and I have never really been part of any large scale lifestyle event. We have been to clubs and parties. As far as private parties go the largest we have been to is about fifty people and everyone was out the door and heading home by about 1 am. Clubs can kick on for much longer. We have had experiences of New Year’s Eve events that saw us heading home with the rising sun. We have been on camping weekends with a small intimate group of friends that have had their own delights but as far as camping on a private property with 100+ people for two nights and effectively three days? Not our experience. 

We connected with this event primarily through Mr and Mrs Bubble. Mrs Bubble does not organise this event but she does promote it. The Bubbles are regular attendees at this event although it has to be noted that they DON’T camp. Mr Jones and I have a lot of camping experience but it has been quite a while since we have camped in a tent on the ground. So we were nervous. Dealing with this many people is a new experience for us. I was a little surprised when Mr Jones was adamant about biting the bullet and attending. 

When we arrived it was overwhelming. Experienced campers arrived early to secure their “spot”. I was unable to secure a whole day off and so we arrived a little later than many. As we pulled into the driveway we were overwhelmed by the number of well set up camp sites with motor homes, camp trailers and generally organised people. I felt like we were the poor relations with our old tent and borrowed gear. It didn’t matter to people who we already knew. They welcomed us with open arms. 

After setting up and feeling a little organised we ventured to the centre of the party. There was loud music and many bodies in the pool. To give you guys some perspective the party is run on a private acreage property. The owners open sections of their house, their outdoor entertaining area and their pool and surrounding deck to party goers. A sound system is brought in, additional BBQs are set up and Porta Loos are erected. It is a feat of organisation, generosity and hospitality.  It is an anything goes situation. Nudity is practiced, semi nudity is practiced and full clothing is sometimes worn. Whatever a person is comfortable with. The weather in Queensland this summer has been wet. This particular afternoon was hot and the air was thick with humidity. The pool was popular. 

After a couple of drinks and meeting some people we toured the parts of the house that were open to guests. The media room was darkened slightly and furnished with some mattresses as well as couches for viewing and whatever else came to mind. Some other rooms were set aside as private play spaces. In the media room a sybian was set up on a bench. I was approached by a man who invited me to use the horse. 

Keeping my mind open and pushing back my feelings of being reserved I agreed. The operator was an interesting man and very enthusiastic. He explained he had put the sybian on a bench so his partner could use it as her knees were not able to support her well. She is a taller woman and the bench height was such that I couldn’t put my feet on the ground. It was very much like mounting an actual horse! 

My new friend put the sybian through it’s paces. The vibrations were strong and the attachment was insistent. It definitely produced a response and after a short time I found myself having to focus on not wetting the floor! It was awkward not being able to support myself properly and I felt a little self conscious being in such an overwhelming environment. So the session was probably a little short. I didn’t realise that the horse is normally on the floor. Which would have been a much better position for me. 

My impressions of the sybian? I think in the right situation it could be a lot of fun. I definitely want to try it again, perhaps in a better position with someone else on the controls. Perhaps also in a situation where I am feeling more relaxed and comfortable.

Wicked Wednesday