Punishment or Consequence

I will start this post by stating that I am not in a D/s relationship and probably won’t ever engage in a formal D/s relationship, but I do sometimes employ some softer elements into my sexual play. Not the same thing I know.

For me submission is about relinquishing control. About not having to make decisions about what is going to happen. If someone is dominating me, I am free to focus on my response to the situation. I will say that my response to authority often features two extremes. I like to follow rules, I like structure. I will follow a rule and conform to a set of expectations while I think they are reasonable and the person issuing the rules is making them from a place of intelligence.

If I feel that the person issuing the rules is not intelligent or is making rules to suit their own stupid agenda, then my compliance is at best sullen and more frequently bratty and devious. Like all people I will look for a loophole or straight out defy. It is a very childish response, but I have been known to flip the bird behind the back of someone in authority when they give an instruction, I find particularly irritating.

During sex I will sometimes comply with a reasonable request. If I feel it has been framed appropriately. On the flip side I sometimes like to be in control, call the shots and put my partner into positions and situations that I choose. I am turned on by having power over someone. If they resist, they will earn themselves a spank in the moment but not a fully constructed punishment.

For me, discipline and punishment are not things that are part of my sex life. They are part of my vanilla life. I am a teacher, discipline is a daily thing for me. But not in the way that most people think. When I think of discipline, I think of maintaining a routine and a set of expectations. Students, and humans in general, are compliant when they know what to expect. Most people will be much calmer and happier if they have a good understanding of what they can expect when they take a certain course of action. To me discipline is about being consistent in your response to a situation.

My daughter explains to people regularly, “When Mum says no it is no.” This is a big part of being disciplined. Having a consistent set of responses to situations. Following a particular way of thinking consistently; making a plan or set of rules and sticking to it. Sometimes it is hard and tiring to do that. It is tempting to short cut the rules or the plan. Doing this will result in hardship later. People in your charge will become unruly and difficult to handle if they know they can get you to change an unpopular policy simply by questioning, whining or having a tantrum. It takes effort to enforce a plan at the start but over time that enforcement becomes habit and is easier. It is met with less resistance amongst the troops because they see the plan working in everyone’s favour.

Punishment has never been a feature of my life as a Sex Goddess, a teacher or a parent. Consequences is the approach I use. When my own children were small I would often say to them;

“You can do that if you want to but if you do then X is going to happen”

This then becomes part of the discipline circuit. A consistent set of rules and follow through. I stated how I would respond, and they can make their own choice. In a classroom the same thing happens. Once I had a student who would invariably ask “So what are we doing?” just when I had finished giving the instructions and everyone was getting on with the task. It drove me bananas. The class knew it and they all conformed to listen when I was explaining the task, except him.

One day I remember him starting to ask the inevitable question and his new girlfriend shushing him as the words started. She hurriedly repeated the instructions and urged him to get on with it. She understood the discipline thing even if he didn’t. Perhaps the consequence of not complying with her was more dire for him than not complying with me. Whatever, that habit did change with her help. Teenage boys really do think with their small brain most of the time.

Why (and how) are men making their dicks bigger? | Dazed Beauty

People sometimes ask if I am the dominant in my relationship with Mr Jones. The answer is a very firm no. I don’t believe that kind of dynamic would be healthy in OUR relationship. I have no doubt he would very much enjoy it. He doesn’t like making decisions and having someone calling all the shots would make his life much easier. As I explained I spend my day making the decisions and calling the shots for a bunch of teenagers. It is exhausting. I don’t want to come home and do the same thing.

2021 in the classroom for me is about a bit of tightening in the discipline department. One of my classes this year is a year 7 class. They are in their first year of high school and traditionally are unruly and have an inflated sense of their own importance. Consistent expectations and consequences are important in training them to navigate high school successfully and with minimal drama.

This post is part of the current 4 Thoughts or Fiction meme “Discipline and Punishment” To see some other thoughts on the topic head click on the image below.

4Thoughts

Education?

I would like to preface this post by paying my respects to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Elders, past and present. I acknowledge the deep understanding of country held by the First Nations peoples of Australia and I am committed to working with them for a brighter future for my country.

Aboriginal Flags

When I was completing my teaching degree I remember a discussion about the difference between the terms syllabus and curriculum. According to my lecturer syllabus is the content that is delivered in a classroom. Be it Mathematics, Science, English, whatever. The curriculum is a more general term that refers to the collective things taught at a particular place of learning. This idea can be stretched to include things that are NOT on the syllabus such as how to behave, ways of treating each other, dealing with the system that is our world, etc.

I read a post by Mike at Marriage, Sex and More discussing the idea of teaching about marriage in schools. Mike had heard a podcaster indicating that it would be a good idea to introduce a class on marriage into schools. My first reaction to this idea is one shared by a lot of my colleagues “Really! Let’s just try and fit another life skill into the classroom.” I want to say that I fully support Mike’s rejection of this idea. In this modern world it seems that schools are expected to cover a lot of material that should be covered at home because parents are either incapable of or too lazy to parent their children properly.

In a previous post I described Steve Biddulph’s idea that we subliminally learn about parenting as we grow up. These lessons are not taught directly, they are lessons learned through watching someone over a long period of time and in line with other things that are happening. The teacher is unaware that they are teaching. The learner is unaware that they are learning but in the sponge that is a child’s brain, lessons are being implanted about how to speak to your children, what to do when your child is naughty, how to mould behavior.

The same subliminal process happens with relationships. The child’s sponge brain absorbs how spouses interact. If a woman treats her husband with contempt her daughters are likely to grow up and do the same thing. Of course as I explained, we can identify the behaviors we don’t like and consciously change them. We are not cookie cutter images of our parents. As we grow up other influences come in to play, parents of friends, relatives, other close friends, our ultimate spouses but the first influence of our parents can be hard to shake.

What does this have to do with the classroom? Well learning is not a linear process. We like to think that the education system is linear and like a factory. Put kid in at age 4 – 5 (depending on the country etc), go through a series of steps (various classes), and at the end we spit out an educated fully functioning adult. There are any number of anecdotal and more academic studies that show this is really NOT the way it works despite the billions of dollars spent on and worldwide adoption of this way of educating.

Anyone who has spent time with any Indigenous Elder discussing their culture will know that indigenous elders teach their young people by demonstration and talking. During 2020 and 2019 I had several opportunities to spend a few days with two different elders, a Bundjalung man and a Mununjali man. Both men have extensive knowledge about plants, stories, way of life, and respect for country. Both teach the same way; walking through the bush and discussing what comes along. Or sitting in a yarning circle and discussing whatever comes up.

Neither goes into a situation with a learning intention or a specific set of points to discuss and tick off. Both will talk about topics multiple times in multiple ways as they come across them in their daily activities. As I walked and yarned with these men I could see how generations of First Nations people were taught about their culture, the landscape they lived in, and how to care for it. I could see how this way of learning is gentle, but strong and effective.

This is the way humans learn to live, not in a classroom. Classrooms are for abstract, thought based things like Science, Mathematics and Literature. They can be adapted to teach specific skills like how to bake a cake or how to build a chair but they CANNOT be used to teach life skills like how to discuss money issues with your spouse or how to know a particular person is going to be a good life partner. These things can only be taught over time and with repetition, space to make real life errors and guidance when these early errors happen. This type of learning can only happen with a person who is constantly there, like a parent. Not a teacher who, at best, will be in close contact with a student for a couple of years.

First Nations people defer to Elders as the ‘Educational Authority’. One doesn’t become an Elder by reaching a certain age. They achieve this status by demonstrating an understanding of culture and a level of maturity that befits the status. In western society, probably as a result of our education system, we have lost this concept. Adulthood is conferred on us when we reach a specific age regardless of our maturity. We can have children when our bodies are ready, not when our souls and minds are. We can, and often do, educate our children while we are still children ourselves.

Perhaps the solution to the decline in life skills is not just shoving another class into the syllabus but changing our perspective on who is a good person to deliver the curriculum.

Picture
Source; Their Way of Life

I Will Not Become You

Image by Daniel Kirsch from Pixabay

As I travelled home from Christmas at my mother’s house I was bruised emotionally. There are many things about my mother that would take pages and pages to write about. I could literally spend thousands of dollars unpacking my thoughts and feelings about this woman to a professional. For the record I haven’t. I probably should, but I haven’t.

When I started writing this post I Googled “I hate my mother”. The search yielded things I didn’t expect. They ranged from accounts of physical and emotional abuse to women who are tired of a parent who is too self-obsessed to care. With a good smattering of self-help articles thrown in. Reading a couple of them was truly terrifying. Terrifying because they challenged me to consider where I sat on this spectrum of mother hate.

All my life I have been determined to not become my mother. I read some writing by an Australian author, Steve Biddulph, many years ago. In it he explained that as we grow up our parent’s methods of raising children are imprinted on our subconscious. As a result, when we become parents ourselves, our go-to method of parenting is that of OUR parents. Unless we make a conscious effort to change things.

Of course, we can’t change everything. And so, we work on the things that stick out the most. As a parent I like to think that I was successful. I have crafted two amazing humans who are confident to be themselves. The Unicorn is everything I was afraid to be, opinionated, creative, self-aware and able to express herself. My son is less out there, but himself nonetheless. Despite this success I still have moments of hearing her voice come out of my mouth and it scares the living hell out of me. Genetics has dictated that I look somewhat like her and my voice sometimes, to my ears, is hers. I hate it.

Recently I have become conscious of how much negative self-talk I give myself. What I didn’t realise until this Christmas just gone is exactly where this habit came from. I was aware that as a child and a teenager my mother rarely had anything to say to me that is positive. Any praise or recognition was always tempered with a criticisim. A classic example is when I received the results for my first semester of university. As a country child living away from her family and any support from high school days, I passed five out of six subjects. My mother’s friend was congratulating me when my mother interjected “but she failed maths”. It was never enough to just rest in my success.

This is one source of a very negative self-image. An ingrained habit to look for the flaws that has been instilled and re-enforced since birth. Recently I realised another. Every time something goes wrong my mother vigorously berates herself. She calls herself things like “stupid” and “brainless”. These are not things other people call her. Everyone has other adjectives when they are referring to her. These are words she gives herself. The challenging part for me is that I do that too.

Once in the staff room I referred to myself as an idiot. A collegue, who I respect as quite intelligent, said,

“I hardly think that is an accurate way to describe yourself,” I explained that I had neglected to book an experiment and now had a double lesson to deliver based on science theory to which he replied,

“Well, I can see why you berate yourself about that, but I think you took it a little far.”

And this is the crux of it. I do things that are not smart, we all do, but it does not make me stupid / a bimbo / an idiot or any of the words I use to describe myself. And so, I find myself consciously working on another habit imprinted on me by my mother as a young child. The things I do might be ill-advised or a little left of centre but recognising my error means I am definitely not stupid. As I consistently tell my students,

“It isn’t YOU I don’t like; it is the choices you are making and the actions you are doing.”

This post is part of 4 Thoughts or Fiction prompt #165 “Bad Habits” Click on the badge below to see who else is sharing.

4Thoughts

Losing Your Virginity

I was been teaching a session on consent to a group of students who are between 16 – 17. Yes the famous Stretch strikes again. I was informed by one rather cynical member of the group that I was three years too late with some of the material that I was presenting. She felt that instead of discussing when it was a good idea to have sex we should be discussing HOW to be safe from STI and other misadventure.

She was adamant that EVERYONE was past the stage of deciding if they should be in a sexual relationship. I don’t know if I exactly believe her. Honestly it is impossible to tell. I think that she is right that MOST of her peers are out there fucking like rabbits but ALL?

During a conversation with a friend I discovered that he had lost his virginity at 13. It is not the first person I have spoken to that told me such a young age. I always thought I was around the average age at 17 but honestly I sometimes wonder. Following this conversation I decided to do a poll amongst my Twitter followers. I am a scientist at heart and I will be the first to admit this is NOT a representative or adequate sample but it was an interesting snapshot nonetheless. I even collated the data into a nice table for you all.

Lose VirginityCurrent Age
Average1845
Maximum2157
Minimum1530
Results of a poll among 25 Twitter Users. Mostly males.

So my followers are around my age and I was correct. Amongst my peers I was around average. My friend, as my gut told me, was an outlier. (There is a mathematical formula for calculating outliers but I was not nerdy enough to apply it).

It doesn’t answer my question though. What is the average age a young person loses their virginity in my school? I would dearly love to conduct a similar anonymous survey about this and possibly other sexual habits of these teens. I believe it would shock and disturb some of the people working at my school. I also know that if I were to suggest such a thing I would be stuck teaching every class full of every student no-one else wants for the rest of my life! So I will err on the side of caution and keep my curiosity to myself.

However if any of my readers are brave enough to contribute their statistic to my data pool please leave your responses in the comments. Current age, age you lost your virginity and your gender.

Gratitude

A couple of years ago the captain of my school started “The Gratitude Project”. Her goal was to encourage all of the people in the school community to take time to notice and remember things they are grateful for. Each classroom had Gratitude Jars and students and teachers were encouraged to write on a slip of paper something they were grateful for, to put in the jar. The project was as successful as those kinds of things are. Some teachers got on board and some classes did some cool things. Two years on the jars make appearances from time to time in various guises. I guess there were about forty of them kicking around. One can’t blame the chaplain for recycling right?

Humans are a strange bunch. On a company and nation/ state level our culture is driven by growth. GDP must constantly increase, productivity must constantly improve. We must keep biggering and Biggering and BIGGERING!

But on a personal level we are seemingly compelled to take everyone, including ourselves down. I read a beautiful poem today, written by Nananoyz at Praying for Eyebrows about her mother who was never told she was beautiful. It made me think about the way we always assume people know that we think they are beautiful, strong, amazing and fabulous and so we never tell them. Often until it is too late.

I have recently been feeling a bit unappreciated. It is a long story and I am afraid if I write it in words it will sound peevish and just plain self centred so I won’t. I will simply say that as the end of the school year is upon us I didn’t feel that some students were showing as much appreciation for my efforts as they should. I wallowed in my self pity for a while until I kicked myself in the arse, reminded myself that part of the charm of teenagers is that they are inherently selfish and got on with it.

Then as I was sitting in my daughter’s graduation (she attended the school where I teach) a parent of a student who I had taught in her first two years of high school was sitting next to me. This particular student has learning difficulties. Unlike most she just gets on with it. She never asks for extra time, extra attention, or for someone to make allowances for her. She just asks for clarification, a lot. Even though we aren’t supposed to have favourites, she is a stand out in my memory bank.

Out of the blue the mum of this student says “Thank you for being so patient with my daughter, you helped her so much,” I was stunned. It has been four years since I had a class with her. But her mother remembered me and took the time to thank me. In all honesty I should be thanking her. Thanking her for allowing me to be part of the life of such an amazing student. But mostly for reminding me that we should not be focussing on who is thanking US but rather who in our lives needs our gratitude.

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt, “Giving Thanks”. Although it is not as sexy as you guys are used to I felt moved to share my thoughts. Please click on the link below and see who else is being wicked this week.

Just Say No!

The school that I work at has introduced a class called “Stretch” that is compulsory for all students. The idea behind this class is to cover all of the life skills stuff that is not covered in regular academic classes. Although it could be argued that much of it is covered in day to day dealings with students. But of course that doesn’t count. It could also be argued that many of the things that are covered in Stretch; things like, how to choose a good first car, how to apply for a credit card, how to travel overseas safely, how to study effectively are things that should be perhaps taught by parents but that is a topic for another time and probably another place.

I have volunteered to prepare and deliver lessons about consent and relationship stuff for a couple of different age groups. The first lesson was for 16 – 17 year olds and is focussing around the idea of consent and avoiding unwanted sexual situations including how bad mannered sending dick pics is. Especially considering that capturing and distributing sexual images of a person under the age of 18 is illegal in Australia and can land you in jail. Even if they are pictures of YOUR penis. This lesson is fairly stock standard. A lot, but not all, of the students in this group are sexually active at some level. Many have had serious (to them) relationships and so are almost adults.

The second group are 13 – 14. Slightly younger in years but so much younger when it comes to relationships. They have dabbled in dating in a childish pre-teen way and I am assuming that there are some who are sexually active at some level. I am pretty sure penetrative sex at this age is the exception rather than the rule but sex is not just about penis in vagina. Whatever the case it has been identified that these guys are not very good at dealing with situations where someone is getting rejected or when someone has an opinion that is different from the loudest (not necessarily the most popular) person in the group.

My lesson is structured in this way;

Learning Intention:

  1. Students will be able to deal with an unwanted advance tactfully and kindly
  2. Students will be able to handle a rejection with grace and walk away knowing it is not the end of the world

Success criteria:

  1. I am able to be honest and kind with a person who likes me who I don’t like me back
  2. I will be able to be understanding and sensible when someone doesn’t like me back and not engage in any kind of childish, stupid or aggressive behaviour.

Ok so when I write those on the board I may use different words but you get the idea.

What scared me the most was the amount of material I found, while doing some research, that encouraged a level of game playing. This included videos and articles with titles like “How to get her to like you”, “What she REALLY means when she says no” and “How to keep him interested.” Now most of this is produced by and for young “adults” but I am certain that my students will be watching this. The amount of material that I could find that was a) produced for younger teenagers and b) relaying positive messages was miniscule.

I found all of this terrifying. What are we teaching our young people? Where is the honesty? Where is the acceptance that not everyone I am attracted to is going to like me back? Adding to that the idea that being rejected is not a sign that you are worth less? As a parent I have striven to imprint on my children the importance of being as honest as possible with people and avoiding games. It is not an easy path when your peers are not using the same value set. But good relationships are a long game and the gratification is not always instant.

Based on the junk I have uncovered on the internet and my observation of student behaviour, game playing seems to be pretty much the norm. Conversations about “being left on read” and what he really meant, and how to turn her opinion around are rife. The idea that a boy should “fight” for a relationship by persisting with his attention after being told no is particularly frightening.

It is a great boost to the ego when someone demonstrates their undying love consistently even in the face of adversity but the danger of encouraging persistence after the initial no is that people don’t know when no actually does mean no and this can ultimately lead to rape.

There are two sides to no. The first is the telling. Women are conditioned to be compliant and pleasant to suitors, even those they don’t like so much. On top of this humans are wired to avoid conflict. So if we get into a situation that requires rejecting someone we will avoid rather than standing up and saying how we feel. Enter the behaviour of ghosting and “leaving on read”. I am guilty of doing both of these. It is hard to say no. Especially if you have indicated interest early in the conversation. If me, a mature, strong woman finds it hard how hard must it be for a 13 year old feeling the extreme of peer pressure?

The second side is hearing no. It hurts. As an adult it is a knock back. To a teenager striving to be accepted it is of course devastating. Young boys in particular often struggle to contain tempers and express themselves in a non-violent way. Young girls resort to emotional “bitchy” behaviour when they don’t have the tools to deal with this. While the junk that I have described above floats around on the internet the idea that No doesn’t really mean No is going to persist and these young people are not going go through the painful growth of learning how to take a rejection with grace and maturity.

As an educator I am passionate about educating in a holistic way. This means teaching students life skills and encouraging them to grow into decent humans that treat each other with respect. Which is why I am passionate about making sure that this Stretch lesson happens. What concerns me is that many teachers are unaware of the rubbish that students are exposed to and how dating has changed in the last 10 -20 years. What concerns me even more is that parents are even less aware of what is going on in their children’s lives and are not equipping their children with the confidence and skills to deal with this stuff. Schools can only do so much and one or two lessons is like one person trying to stop an ocean.

This post is part of Wicked Wednesday prompt #435 “The Games We Play”. To see who else is posting!

I Wish I Had a Teacher Like You

I am sure I have written about this before but reading through some of the posts in the recent 4ThoughtsorFiction posts I came across some stories that are genuinely shocking. In particular one shared by Jenna at Rasperry Ripples. In her post she shares a recollection about a male teacher who made sexual remarks about her body during her time at high school.

As a teacher I was genuinely appalled at his behaviour. While the rules about professional conduct vary slightly from country to country I don’t believe at any time or in any place a teacher making sexual advances or even engaging in innuendos with a student has been acceptable, AT ALL, EVER.

There is a slight grey area here. In the situation I am talking about; the student was a female and the teacher was a male. This kind of situation is very much taboo but the reverse seems to carry less offense. This probably ties back to the general idea that we seem to have that men have more power than women. Even when they are significantly younger.

But it is no less offensive. The problem when a teacher makes an advance on a student is not the gender but the age of the student. It is about the power imbalance. A young inexperienced person, even if they are legally above the age of consent cannot give fully informed consent to someone who has been in a position of power over them. Hence even if an 18 year old student tried to hook up with a teacher or vice versa the situation is not seen as consensual on the part of the student.

Many times when I am talking to men who would like to be a sexual partner and I reveal my profession they reply with; “I wish I had a teacher like you.” Of course they probably did have a mid 40’s, slightly overweight maths teacher who liked to stick to the rules and dressed like a teacher. I certainly don’t look like the fantasy girl when I am at work. The fantasy these men are tapping in to is the fantasy that an unattainable person suddenly and unexpectedly becomes sexually available to them.

I am sexually available. To the right people. Those people don’t include; my students, other teachers I work with (despite some being of passing interest to me) and men who want to teacher role play. I have been known to tell men who are getting a bit out of hand “Don’t make me get the teacher voice out!” Sometimes this causes a bit of hilarity, but generally when the teacher voice happens in a sexually open environment I get what I want. Sometimes because obedience to that kind of voice is ingrained in us and sometimes because it touches a chord in a man’s sexual fantasy realm and he wants more. Either way it is not going to result in me donning a pair of thick rimmed glasses and engaging in a full classroom role play.

I would not say that I have not been on the receiving end of some “attention” from male students. But never anything serious. Most of it is very, very inexperienced young men awkwardly trying to come to terms with unfamiliar stuff happening in their bodies. A woman with few scruples could easily take advantage of the situation if she was so inclined. And when she was exposed it would be the end of her career as well as a bunch of negative publicity.

Consequently for me the teacher thing is off limits. I may make the occasional joke but as I said I am not interested in a teacher role play situation and I am DEFINITELY not interested in any after hours stuff in an actual classroom. Don’t laugh I was actually asked if that was a possibility once.

I don’t talk to that man any more.

Of course there are always stories about teachers hooking up with ex students or teachers that start relationships with students and keep it on the down low until they are of age. I am certain things like that happen but they are VERY rare and the participants are VERY close mouthed about it. I am not here to judge and every case is slightly different. The thing to remember is that some teachers are quite young when they start out. My daughter literally has her ex school captain as one of her teachers in the last year of her schooling. He is actually friends with my son. In the right situation they could end up dating. As a parent I would not be against that situation.

I guess the fallout from all of this is that we have a fascination with the power play and taboo nature of teacher – student interaction. For the most part this interaction has no place in real life. Teachers who take advantage of the power their position affords them are low lifes who should not be teachers. But as always there are exceptions.

Consent and Dick Pics

I posted recently about my appreciation for a good dick pic. I absolutely stand by my appreciation for cock. That doesn’t mean I want to have images of cocks shoved in my face when I am not expecting them. Fortunately for me I associate with adults in most of the places I hang out, even online. Most of my followers seem to be fairly adult and understand the concept of asking for consent before launching a shot of their genitals at me.

During a conversation with a student, and subsequently my own daughter who is almost 18 it came to my attention that boys in that age bracket are not so adult. My daughter is not one of the “popular” girls. She is in fact a rather unique individual who very steadfastly walks to the beat of her own drum and tolerates only those who are willing to accept her the way she is. Consequently her Social Media presence and usage are quite different from the average teenager.

But this post is not about her. It is about the experiences of more ‘average’ 14 – 18 year old girls. Typically these girls are very much involved in Social Media. Most of them use Instagram and Snapchat and a large number of them also use Tick Tock. For many of these girls their social lives are lived through their stories, check ins and posts. A lot of their real world conversations are about what they saw on social media. Although these services have the capability to lock down privacy most of these girls don’t bother with keeping their content private. How can one generate attention when your privacy is locked down?

Clearly this behaviour can become a problem. If you are interested in finding out about the biology behind it you can read this article here. Something that a lot of people aren’t aware of is the way young men use open unprotected social media accounts to seek out girls. Boys find girls they haven’t met by searching contact, follower and friend lists of their friends or followers. When they identify a female name they introduce themselves in a way that whole heartedly confirms that we are descended from apes. They drop their pants, take out their phones and send a photo of their penis. 

A student told me recently that should receives somewhere around 3 – 4 unsolicited dick pics from boys that she doesn’t know per week!!!!

Every week!!!!

From boys she doesn’t know or has spoken to.

So she is 16 – 17 years old and definitely prone to exaggeration but even if she has inflated the number by doubling it that is still a lot of dicks.

Both the genitalia and the owners.

A colleague told me today that his daughter who is approximately 14 received an unsolicited dick pic from a boy at her school.

The school he also teaches at. Meaning this boy thought it was perfectly OK to expose himself and send a picture to an unsuspecting girl knowing that he would have to face her father at some time during his school day and every school day until he leaves that school.

I don’t get it. I mean these boys wouldn’t walk around the school yard with their dick hanging out so why send pictures to all and sundry without an invitation? It is the same thing. 

During the course of the conversation with my daughter we tossed around the idea that part of the problem is girls who don’t push back because they don’t want to discourage the cute boy who might be interested in them. While girls may feel pressured to accept the behaviour so they can get the attention of the cute boys none of this is OK.  

Ever.

As part of my job I am preparing a lesson or series of lessons discussing consent and trying to give teenagers, boys and girls, some tools to enter into the world of sexual activity with a level of confidence and control. A big part of this process is teaching about the idea of consent. In all honesty, for at least part of my audience, these lessons will be shutting the gate after the horse has well and truly bolted. 

Although I feel passionate about equipping young men and women with some factual information and hopefully introducing to some young brains the idea that asking for permission before throwing anything sexual at an unsuspecting person is the decent human thing to do. I am also realistic enough to know that one lesson is not enough. It is tempting for parents to avoid the icky uncomfortable topics like sex and relax in the knowledge that school has it covered. 

We don’t.

Behaving like a decent human doesn’t come from one lesson. It comes from a lifetime of seeing your family and significant people in your life behaving like decent humans. It comes from your father and your mother and any other significant adults telling you what is expected over and over. The person who learns from being told once is very rare. Most people, especially teenagers, need to be told many, many times.

Mothers of boys know that teaching their sons about appropriate penis use is a large part of raising a boy. First you have to teach him to aim at the toilet, then you have to teach your toddler to put their pants on before they go out in public. Then comes lessons about not walking around with their hand in their pants. After that comes the really important part, taking pictures of their penis and sending it to girls is also not OK. Neither is expecting that they have the right to shove their dick into whatever orifice takes their fancy. As tired as you are of talking to your boy about his dick and as stupid as it feels, it is necessary if any of this is going to get better. I have a 20 year old son and recently I found myself re-iterating some lessons about appropriate use of his penis. 

Fortunately the conversation was just a confirmation he had the situation well in hand; rather than an intervention to prevent an unintentional pregnancy as a result of a less than satisfactory relationship. But the point remains. Parents, you are never going to stop talking to your sons about their penis. Probably ever. Unless you want a phone call from a school about them sending dick shots to all the girls in the netball team. 

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday Roundup. If you want to check out who else is being wicked click the icon below.

I have also linked this post to 4 Thoughts or Fiction #157 Teachers. For some thought provoking erotica or just thought provoking ideas head on over and check it out.

TMI Tuesday – Really Late Edition

This week was the first week of term 3 for me. I have a new timetable, I don’t like it, I am struggling to be positive. I don’t know why it is affecting me so much but for the first time in a long time my depression is getting physical with me. However in the spirit of fake it until you make it I am determined not to let everything go to hell in a handbasket, even if it means posting a little bit later than I would like.

1. Money or Fame? Why?

In this world of Tick Tick, Youtubers and social media influencers fame has become everyday and cheap. It has lost its influence and its power. Anyone with a phone can become famous. It sometimes comes without any real effort. 

Money still has power. With money a person can effect great change in the world. Sure they can be like Jeffery Epstein and use their money to cause great pain and sadness in some people’s lives but there are many in the world who use their money to really influence the world around them. 

2. Fish or Chicken?

I don’t feel particularly strongly about either of these choices. If I had to take one out of my life completely it would be fish. Chickens are a huge part of my life at the moment. We currently have about 20 chickens living with us and by the end of the year that number will be higher. We use these birds to create eggs and also for meat. The rule of thumb is “don’t name the ones we are going to eat.” It has worked pretty well.

3. Sleeping at night–too warm or too cold?

I am a child of the sun. I was born and have lived my entire life in a sub-tropical climate. Consequently I don’t like being cold. Like most Queenslanders I get twitchy when the daytime temperature is below 20oC and downright panicky when the nighttime temperature drops below 10oC. So I like to be warm. I pull the blanket around my neck to make sure I get a good seal. Unfortunately the onset of menopause has meant that I frequently wake up feeling like I am roasting so my nights at the moment (during our winter) have been a long dance of “blanket off, get cold, blanket on, get warm, sleep a little, wake up hot, blanket off” repeat.

I can’t wait until summer.

4. Beard or Moustache? Why?

I am not a fan of facial hair. Mr Jones has never had a beard. Although recently he has had a couple of attempts at letting his whiskers grow out. I tolerate it, in the spirit of being a supportive wife but eventually it annoys even him and he shaves it off.

I wonder what will happen next year when we are living in a caravan for an extended period? Perhaps I should pack a beard trimmer when we leave for our odyssey.

5. Cars–classic or modern?

I have long been a fan of the muscle car. Toranas to be exact.

Holden Torana - A9X Hatchback - Pink 2 by morecars | Holden torana ...

My current drive car varies, depending on the day, who is in the car with me and what is convenient in the driveway. Having two adult children, a set of grandparents and another adult tenant all living on our property has resulted in a LOT of cars to house and shuffle around. So I can find myself behind the wheel of a Mazda 3, An Isuzu Ute or a 2005 Commodore. Or, in a frightening twist, in the passenger seat supervising a learner driver.

6. Which holds more beauty–smile or eyes?

Normally I would say eyes. One of my classes is a bunch of 12 – 13 year olds. It is about a 60/40 split of boys to girls. During a class this week I made a quip about wanting to see their beautiful smiles in an attempt to get their eyes away from their laptop screens. I was rewarded with some very special little boy smiles. So now I am conflicted. Although I will say that a smile is not genuine if the eyes don’t match it.

7. Soothing the soul–hiking or shopping?

Absolutely 100% hiking. What is not soothing about hiking and seeing stuff like this?

As an aside my daughter looked over my shoulder as I was answering this and said that shopping was DEFINITELY not soothing to my soul. In her honest and unfiltered opinion it was the opposite of soothing for me.

She knows me well.

Bonus: What is your favorite type of foreplay?

Absolutely 100% having Johnny’s face between my legs.

This post is part of TMI Tuesday for 14 June. There are some awesome posts happening over there. You should check them out!.

Get Back in Your Box

I want to preface this post with a few statements about Covid-19. Firstly as I have said many times on these pages the Australian experience of Covid has been significantly different from the experience in some parts of The United States and the U.K. We have had a minimal lockdown for a minimal time in response to a relatively small number of cases.

So this afternoon I responded to a comment on Twitter regarding wearing of face masks in public. I feel very conflicted when discussing this topic. All of the information I have read and certainly the official government line in Australia is that wearing of masks will help stop droplet spread if the person wearing it is infected. But wearing a mask has limited effectiveness in protecting a non-infected person who is wearing it,

Stupidly I added my comments to the thread even though the intelligent rational part of my brain told me to stay out of the discussion. The response from one of the people in the discussion was a real blindside.

Someone with the description “Sex Goddess” in their bio should stay out of comments on posts like this

Excuse me?

Apparently my postgraduate qualifications in microbiology does not qualify me to participate in a discussion on disease transmission. Neither does my profession as a high school science teacher which is dedicated to educating young people about questioning posts like the thread I was participating in.

Interestingly my Twitter bio lists teacher before it lists Sex Goddess but apparently my critic didn’t consider that one outbalances the other. It saddens me to be confronted with the opinion that being a sexual person means I can’t be intelligent. Displaying my body and being proud of my sexuality apparently takes away from my intelligence.

My Twitter account is primarily to interact with people who read my blog and a space for me to post semi nude pictures of myself. It is a place where I express my sexuality but I am not a one dimensional person. No-one is. Of course all of us are multi-dimensional. Of course everyone is entitled to have an opinion about things happening in the world around them.

Had the critic said my opinion was not valid because I don’t live in a country that has been affected as much as others I could have accepted this. Being told I am too much of a bimbo to participate in discussion is just nasty. In all honesty I think my critic was not used to being challenged by an informed, intelligent person. They were only interested in participating in “discussions” that consist of opinions that agree with theirs.

In all the time I have had a social media presence as Gemma I have had very little call for blocking people. I have always expected that I would be attacked at some point by moralists but it has never happened. This is one of the only times I felt it was prudent to distance myself from the discussion and employ the block option. It makes me sad that people who pride themselves on being intelligent don’t seem to have an open mind.