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The Dick Pic

I have probably written about this topic before but I was inspired to pen this because of a post by The Zen Nudist about rape. Although it is not anywhere as extreme as rape there is something about the unsolicited dick pic that I, and many women, find invasive and confronting. Don’t get me wrong, I love penises. I love to look at them, I love to inspect them in the minutest detail, I love to suck them, I love them inside me. What I don’t love is having one shoved in my face when I am innocently going through my day and my message notification pings. I don’t understand why men do it. In a way it is sad that men have distilled their attractiveness to women to such a small (no pun intended) part of them.There are many parts of men that are attractive. I am a sucker for a nice arse. I even have Twitter friends who send me great shots of their arse, after invitation. Things like this. This is hot after you have made a connection, had a conversation etc. There are plenty of ways to entice and intrigue which for me makes attraction stronger. I can’t speak for all women of course but based on conversations I have had with female friends who are dating most women seem to feel the same way as me. Sending uninvited pictures of your dick to women is NOT acceptable behaviour EVER. As I stated in my opening comments it is invasive, offensive and sometimes just plain weird.There are plenty of ways to present your package that are alluring and damn sexy something like this;Or this;So guys, take note. You are more than your naked protruding penis. Show some creativity and remember that less is often more.

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I Bruised my Vagina

The typical idea that people have when I tell them I do pole dancing is strip club sexy perfection. Something like this;

The reality is something quite different. Classes are hard, sweaty and full of statements like, “fuck that hurt” and “yep

H you got it……. oh not quite”. Naturally, or maybe not. Most of the people in my classes are fairly open minded. I guess that is going to happen in a class called ‘Sexy and Static’. So the learning how to be sexy on a static pole is not really sexy, it is hard ad sweaty and involves putting you body in positions that are unfamiliar and often awkward. Of course there is a lot of bare skin contact with hard metal. The outcome is often bruising. Tonight’s bruise was the result of a double activity which is fun, and of course looks cool. However like everything there is a lot of practise between trying for the first time and the cool. In the meantime I need to go through pain and bruises like this one;

Life Musings

This post is based on the TMI Tuesday questions from March 20. Like a lot of their posts the questions raise some interesting thoughts.

1. Who was the first person you ever had a crush on?

Sadly my age means that this happened a very long time ago. In terms of celebrity crushes I think my first one was “The Hoff” wayyyy back when he was in Knightrider. In fact wayyyyy before he was “The Hoff”. To be perfectly honest the car was probably just as sexy as he was.

As for real life people there was this boy who I was deeply, madly in love with for all of year 11 and 12. Like most of those crushes he was blissfully unaware of my infatuation and proceeded to have a long term relationship with someone else for all of those years. My friends could not understand my infatuation with him. He wasn’t one of the boys that was regarded as particularly good looking. I just found something about him attractive.

2. What is the most important material possession you have and why?

For me material possessions are weird. I have as many as the next person. In true middle class white person style I probably have more than most people in the world. I don’t necessarily want to be without any but I can’t think of one that is particularly important.

3. If you were a cake which cake would you be?

Chocolate cake of course! Not one of those insipid sponge types but something like a Sacher torte that is rich and complex and decadent. Something you know you shouldn’t eat but you really can’t stop yourself. Because of course eating me is an experience. On a side note one of The Colombian’s most endearing qualities is his desire and talent for eating me. I used to be a bit meh about guys eating me out but after a couple of experiences recently I am starting to see how some women see it as an indispensable talent.

4 Has anything/ anyone ever saved your life before?

Not really. I guess I have not really done a lot that has been life risking. Or maybe my guardian angel saves my life every day and I just don’t notice.

5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

The ability to eat and drink what ever and whenever I want with no effect on my weight! Imagine being able to eat endless amounts of chocolate and cake without worrying about calories! Life would be perfect.

Bonus: What are your plans for the holidays?

Well I am so glad you asked! Firstly I am going to sleep when I want and not have to get up and go to work for two weeks. Secondly for the official Easter break I plan to eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want. My third plan is to find some more secluded, less visited parks and spend some time enjoying the company of the Columbian. He has a thing for outdoor adventures. I just have a thing for adventures. So I am hoping I will keep you posted.

TMI Tuesday -Boxing Day Edition

Boxing Day is a public holiday that seems to be unique to Britain, Australia and possibly other parts of the British Commonwealth. The origins of the holiday are a little unclear but The Spruce gives some feasible explanations. In modern times it seems that Australians, and possibly Brits are really just celebrating their love of a public holiday. In Australia Boxing Day is marked by two great sporting traditions; The commencement of the Boxing Day test cricket match held at the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) and the commencement of the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race in Sydney Harbour. Both contests are marathon tests of skill and stamina with the Sydney to Hobart being responsible for the loss of more than one life even in recent times. For us mere mortals it is a time to recover from over indulging on Christmas Day or perhaps just a way to extend to celebrations for a little longer. Most people would agree that Boxing Day is much more relaxed and if we do attend a gathering it will most likely be with people we actually like instead of fulfilling family requirements and satisfying obligations. 

Of course there is always time to enjoy some TMI goodness. 

1. Do you celebrate Christmas?

Yes. In the whole go to church, get together with the family and eat too much way. I am a practising Catholic so in some ways I take Christmas a little bit seriously. I know December 25 is not the day of Christ’s birth and I know that many of the Christmas traditions we observe are derived from Paganism but the essence of the day, the birth of a child that will change the world deserves some attention. If you are not a Christian then the idea of putting aside differences and taking time to be with people, somehow, also deserves some attention.

2. Tell us about your Christmas celebration.

In our family there is no specified format for Christmas. This year we, Mr Jones, Myself and our children have traveled to spend a few days with my parents at the Cattle Property in Central Queensland. We started the day with ham and pre birds for breakfast followed by unwrapping of presents. Followed by cold lunch on the verandah with my brother and his wife. The maximum temperature for the day was 37 degrees so the only thing I could have added was a swimming pool.

3. What season is it where you live?

It is most definitely summer with a vengeance. As I said in the previous response the maximum temperature yesterday was 37 degrees. In the morning I spoke with my brother who lives in southern New South Wales and they were experiencing a very chilly morning that required a jumper. My sister in law was adamant that this is not how Christmas should feel. I was reminded of this song.

4. It’s the end of the year, what are you still trying to accomplish before the end of the year?

Not really much. The main thing that is playing on my mind is continuing to reduce my weight and improve my fitness but that is more of a long term lifestyle thing.

5. Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve?

Mr Jones and I will be taking our yacht up the Brisbane River to weigh anchor and watch the fireworks off the Story Bridge. Some vanilla friends and our children will be joking us it should be a great relaxing night. 

 There was no bonus this week but in the spirit of  one of my favourite TMIers Nero Speaks I have added my own 

Bonus:What is on your ‘Fucket List’ for the coming year.

I have updated my Fucket List Page with a couple of items that are on the immediate horizon. I am hoping that The Englishman’s availability improves a little in the new year because he is cute and I have plans for him 😉

I hope you have enjoyed this rather rambling TMI make sure that you check out the other contributors at  TMI Tuesday 

TMI Tuesday – How Random

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

It was a long time ago, I think I was maybe 7 or 8. I grew up on a cattle property which was fairly isolated.My father had several younger men working for him on a casual basis. One of them was a bull rider when he wasn’t working as a stockman. I guess for a country kid living on a cattle station that was the same  as being a rock star. 

2. Which parent do you identify with the most?

My relationship with my parents is problematic. I think I have blocked a lot of my negative feelings and consequently the positive ones just to stay sane. I am constantly vigilant of developing the same mannerisms and attitudes as my mother. So I guess that answers the question. Despite my efforts my appearance is very similar to my mother and she has a very strong bearing on the way that I live my life. 

3. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?

I don’t think there is any regular food that I won’t eat AT ALL I have two foods that I strongly dislike one being eggplant and the other is coffee. But I will eat them under duress. 

4. Would you ever adopt a child?

I don’t think I would consciously go through the official adoption process, but I have taken in a teenager when she didn’t have a home. In similar circumstances I would absolutely do the same thing again. 

5. When was the last time you played a board game? What game?

This is not technically a board game but about a week ago we had some friends over for dinner and we played the card game ‘Get Rich Quick‘. For the OCD sufferers out there within the last six months I have played Monopoly the Dr Who regeneration version at which I annihilated Mr Jones. No mean feat. 

Bonus: What makes you laugh more – dry humor or weird, goofy humor?

Definitely the dry type. Sometime the darker the better. Weird goofy humour, especially British ‘toilet’ humour is ok sometimes but it often just makes me cringe. 

For more TMI goodness make sure you hop along to the TMI Tuesday page. 

Dear Random Guy From Twitter

Dear Random Guy From Twitter,

There was a time when I enjoyed you sending me videos and pictures of you masturbating in the morning. It gave me a boost to think that someone thought about me in a sexual way. For a while I entertained thoughts of maybe meeting you and fucking some day. 

But time went on and I realised a few things;

  • I am not attracted to you. The more I look at your photos the more I see that I don’t like. And I makes me want to talk to you less. 
  • We aren’t going to meet. Not because of me but because of you. If you were genuinely interested you would have taken advantage of the several opportunities you have had. 
  • You aren’t really interested in me. I am just part of your spank bank. An interactive photo that you use to help you get off in the morning before you shower and go to work. 

So when I worry about being rude because I don’t reply to all your messages I need to remember to remind myself that you are just flicking though your stimulus and you probably don’t care. So happy hunting. I am busy. When I need a sexual boost and I am at that point again I will net you know. 

Sex Goddess Gemma. 

TMI Tuesday – Roll with It


1. With whom would you like to take a bath?

Honestly I have never come across a bath that comfortably holds two people. So I would prefer to have my bath by myself. Showers however are a different story. My ideal shower partner would be someone like Channing Tatum. 

Like who wouldn’t want someone like that to wash your body before fucking you against the wall of the shower. 

2. You are, on a motorcycle, riding hard down a country road, wind in your hair. Who is the hottie on the bike with you? Are you riding or driving?

Riding definitely. The driver (that doesn’t seem to be the right term) would be Arnold Schwarzenegger of course as a Terminator. Because who wouldn’t like a terminator as your escort. 

3. Baking naked–who is kneading your dough? 😉

I gotta say that naked baking seems hazardous. Anything hot near naked bits makes me nervous. But I would definitely choose the sexiest celebrity chef, Nigella Lawson. 

4. Come sail away, come sail away, come and sail away with me! Who is joining you for a sexy sea adventure?

I do enjoy the occasional sailing adventure with Mr Jones. Even though we have discussed it several times we have never been able to get third, or fourth, person to join us for some nude adult fun on the water. At the moment I am discussing the possibilities with a sexy guy I am seeing but given our track record of organising these events we will see what pans out.

5. “I got your back.” Hands down who do you fully support, stick by no matter what, Who are you willing to help at all costs?
Absolutely would have to be Mr Jones. If you can’t say that you will stick by your husband of 19 years then you have some serious issues. If you don’t stick together when you are raising teenagers then they will take over your life. 

Bonus: Belly button–inny or outty? Are you going to show us? 😀

My belly button is part of the area of my body that I like the least. If you want to see my belly button then who am I to argue with you? You are most welcome to visit my previous post, Sunday Selfie

Sunday Selfie

I took this photo to prove to a friend that I have not faded away to a shadow. Recently I have been “dieting” because I felt I needed to lose a certain amount of weight. I am very opposed to the idea of dieting and so my “diet” is really more of a much needed adjustment to eating habits. 

My friend is adamant that I don’t need to lose weight but my doctor thinks differently. I think my body will always tend towards the full and curvy type. Which I am becoming more comfortable with as I age. 

Belated Sunday Selfie

At a small social gathering on Saturday night a couple of women were discussing the changes that happened to their body when they turned 40. I was slightly amused to listen to their comments partly because they seemed to have the belief that the changes happened because they had passed their 40th birthday and partly because I was curious to investigate if these things applied to me. One of the changes that I was most concerned about was the idea that your breast fall completely to the side when you are lying down. My breasts have always been a source of vanity for me and I was pleased to notice that while there was some falling my nipples still point upwards rather than sideways. 

The photo above doesn’t really show this well but it does show a pleasing curve rather than flatness. Thank you very much pole dancing. 

You’re Joking… Right?

Recently I have joked to a couple of my chat friends that I am thinking about becoming celibate. They think the concept is hilarious. In their minds and probably in their fantasies I am still the sex goddess I was when they met me. I guess in some ways I am. In many others I am not.

The last couple of years have seen a lot of changes in my life. I think, finally, I have become a grownup. I have a real job; one where I have to be responsible all the time. I am currently the only person in my household that actually has a full time job so in some ways I am kind of the breadwinner. No not really, that would be too much grown up even for me. For the first time in a long time I am thinking about the future and the direction that I want to steer my life. Probably the most grown up thing a person can do. 

What, I hear you ask, have either of those things got to do with not being a sex goddess? The answer is actually not very much. Other than my headspace is not constantly occupied with thoughts or plans for the next adventure. Something that was a key part of being a sex goddess. These days when people ask me about my fucket list my answer is; “Fucket list, oh yeh I remember what one of those is”

I just realised; another key indicator of being a grown up, I use semi colons in my writing. Or is that a side effect of being a teacher? I don’t know but it a bit freaky, here I am pouring my heart out to the void of the Internet and I am ticking off grammar and sentence structure in my head. I need a really good fuck. 

So we were talking about fucket lists. I remember that I have often said I don’t like to have a specific list. But I guess that I kind of did. I kind of remember what was on it. Right now my fucket list consists of; have sex with my husband, have sex with Engineer X. Not necessarily in that order. Logistics seem to get in the way a lot these days. People think that having small children is a drag on your sex life. Those people really have no idea. Mainly because they are yet to experience having teenagers living with you. Small children don’t know, or care, if they walk in on you having sex. They are not scarred by the experience. What’s more they go to bed at a sensible hour meaning you can actually have pre sex on the couch before you start falling asleep. Teenagers don’t do that. They want to stay up and share their rubbish idea of what is good TV and make it awkward if you want to make sexy jokes with your husband. What’s worse is they don’t go to bed nice and early so that you can invite over some special people or when you get dressed to go out and meet said special people they ask all kinds of questions about where you are going. 

Actually my teenagers have kind of got the hint that asking too many questions is not a good idea so I guess I have trained them to a certain extent but it is still awkward getting out the door some days. Mr Jones is much more concerned about that kind of thing that me. I feel more comfortable being relatively candid. He does not. So we land somewhere in between which is, by definition, awkward. I guess I just have to keep telling myself that it is only temporary. Not that I am expecting them to move out but I am definitely not going to sugar coat things for my eighteen year old children just to spare them some awkwardness. That is just creating a rod for your own back. 

It seems I have worked through and dismissed my standard list of excuses for not being sexy enough so now I am left with a task; hang up my goddess cape or stop making excuses. My friends are right, hanging up the cape is a hilarious idea. Hilarious because it is so unlikely. And because I simply don’t want to. As much as Mr Jones is irritating me right now he is just going to have to get out his impressive junk and use it on me. Because a happy wife makes for a happy life and to be happier I need more sex in my life. 

Thanks for listening Internet Void, you are the best therapist ever.