The Red Pill for Women

I blogged recently about Red pill versus blue pill thinking from a male perspective. Or rather a woman’s ideas about a man changing from a blue pill to a red pill thinker. I have also explained my thoughts about the biology of female attraction to Alpha males as opposed to their entrapment of betas. It would be generalising to say that all men who are Alphas are red pill men and all betas are blue pill but the similarities are there. All this is awesome but can a woman “Choose the Red pill”?

I think the answer is yes. There are women out there who are stronger and more dominant than others. I am not talking about the Karens of the world here. I am talking about the women who command respect through achievement and integrity, not through being the one who will complain to the manager or is the queen bee of her friendship group.

How not to be a 'Karen' - ABC Everyday

Several years ago, I was part of a group of mothers who all had children in the same year level at the primary school that The Unicorn attended with her brother. We celebrated several girls’ nights. Which were essentially shared meals at a local pub where alcohol was consumed, and gossip swapped. At the time I was blogging, and I had just started studying Education. I was a bit more relaxed about hiding my lifestyle and several of these women knew about my writing, if not the more sordid details of my ‘after dark’ persona.

The conversations on these evenings were varied and often controversial. Something I found amusing. When it came to sex there was not a “type” among us. One member of the group would be what many would call prudish. Sex was not her thing, porn was confusing to her and her knowledge of the female body, including her own, was limited. She found our different ideas and experiences interesting but still maintained sex was not for her. Perhaps she was asexual? Another member of the group fell into the more common stereotype. That is, she complained about how her husband “harassed her” for sex. Interestingly there was another woman who complained about the exact opposite.

There is a train of thought that suggests that all of us should have been entering our sexual prime. We were still young, fit, and healthy. Our children had started school and the constant grind of dealing with small children was lessening. We no longer had to micromanage every moment of the lives of small beings and our partners were more than capable of stepping up. Clearly because we were out together completely free of children and husbands and the need to think about what was for dinner or if everyone ate it. This was our time.

A woman who was strong could take that opportunity to become a Red pill woman. In the movie that spawned the Red vs blue ideal, The Matrix; the female lead, Trinity, is the epitome of a Red Pill woman. She is a true badass and can look after herself. She is not afraid to tell men to go fuck themselves when they are not strong enough for her taste. Additionally, she has and amazing wardrobe! Our culture supresses women like this. We fill little girl’s heads with Disney stories that all revolve around women seeking their prince charming and finding their forever love. Even more modern versions of Disney Princesses such as Rapunzel and Elsa still have a love interest as a primary goal. Despite all of the hype that they were pioneers, breaking the Disney mould.

The Matrix Reloaded | Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss)

But amongst our little group there were women who were still playing the victim. Complaining about how demanding their husbands are or how weak they are. It is a trap that is easy to fall into, sitting with a group of women making fun of the men in the world. Laughing at how stupid, inept and generally disappointing they are. A woman who was my hairdresser for many years would complain how her husband never let his sons take dance classes “because it was gay!” (not going to touch that topic as offensive as it is). Her complaint was that he was turning his sons into the kind of men who sat around got drunk and said and did stupid stuff. Not a desirable feature I will admit but the irony of this situation is that her husband WAS that guy and SHE married him.

Choosing the red pill is not about totally opposing everything in your life that you don’t like. It is not about trying to change other people; that is impossible. It is about changing yourself. It is about making yourself happy. Women are notorious for not asking directly for what they want or worse, downplaying the importance of what they want, and then complaining when they don’t get what they want. Even something as simple as saying “no” when they are approached by a man is out of some women’s capabilities. We deflect and make excuses and then complain when he doesn’t get the hint.

For women choosing the Red pill is about owning what you want. A Red pill woman doesn’t make excuses. She says no, and she doesn’t take other people’s crap. When she is asked, she will tell you what she wants and if you aren’t up to it she will also tell you. Red pill women don’t complain about their appearance or their bodies. They are proud. So, what if I am curvy? I like cake and curves are sexy. If there is something I want to change then I will change it in my own time, in my own way. So what if you don’t like something about me? Your ideas about me are actually none of my business.

Changing or maintaining your thinking is difficult. It takes work. It often requires you to cut ties with people who are firmly entrenched in the negative, blue pill, way. Sometimes you have to physically avoid certain situations so you don’t get sucked in to that hole. But at the end of the day it is definitely worth it.

My Ironically Monogamous Brain

I wrote a post a while back about my biological theory relating to the behaviour and fascination with Alpha males. In it I espoused my theory about the reasons why women are so strongly attracted to Alpha Males even though many of them are quite toxic to be around for any length of time.

I believe that the idea of monogamy was something invented by weaker men who wanted to ensure that they could capture a female and keep her at his beck and call for as long as he liked. Mr Jones and I are currently watching the Netflix series The Tudors.

In this drama based on the events during the reign of King Henry VII n overwhelming amount of thought is given by the characters to which women will marry which men. In this society marriage is many things, a political tool, a strategic maneuver and a way to beget offspring that will inherit. Women’s value is placed on their attractiveness and their ability to bear children, particularly male children. Their purity is also of key importance. They must appear to only have sex with one man or their value is completely lost and they will never be able to secure a good marriage.

It is out of this mess of religious influence over political thought that our modern ideas of monogamy emerged. Today marriage does not have the same strategic value it once did and male heirs are definitely a thing of the past, Gina Reinhart is an amazing Australian example of this. But we cling to our ideal of monogamy. Even in a relationship that shuns the idea of formal marriage and religious ideas of purity until marriage we still cling desperately to monogamy.

I never really understood completely how deeply and firmly monogamy is entrenched into our psyche until I had a lightbulb moment while reading a message from a follower. In it he describes his experience with a woman he is seeing outside his marriage. It is his first experience of non-monogamy, so to speak. What grabbed my attention was his mention of how he felt uncomfortable with his new lover’s openness about other men she was seeing.

His words struck a chord in my brain. I too feel this way sometimes. It is a little confronting when a lover shares some details of other lovers during conversation. When a man I am seeing is not available to me because he has other commitments I get a little jealous.

Which is weird really. I mean I am going home to my husband after I finish with them aren’t I? They would be foolish to think that they are the only extramarital dalliance I have entertained. They just have to go on a scroll through these pages. So who am I to think I am the only person who takes up their attention? It is ironic, stupid and evidence of the deep rooted ideas that are planted in everyone’s brain by Disney and the likes.

Every woman wants to be a princess and the complete apple of some man’s eye. Every man wants to be the knight in shining armour who captures the heart and undying devotion of the woman he chooses. I mean even Fifty Shades of Grey follows this formula. And so even when I am with someone outside of my marriage. When I am fucking Lancelot with the full knowledge of King Arthur, so to speak, I feel jealous because Lancelot also spends time with Jenny the chambermaid.

The non-monogamist in me is strongly cynical of this kind of ideal. It grates against my conscious mind. My mind knows it is dumb. My heart is still wanting to be the complete focus of the man in front of me. My ego cannot completely cope with not being the complete focus of the man in front of me. It seems it will take some time to catch the heart and the ego up with my enlightened mind.

Being Men

I have been enjoying posts from Marriage Sex and More recently. His take on being a man in a successful marriage is refreshing and I like it. Plus he posts great photos. A post I read recently spawned some thoughts of my own that I would like to share with you.

My friend posts about many things but a recurring theme is his frustration at the decline of masculinity in our modern world. I find myself agreeing with many of his ideas. Particularly some that are expressed in a post in which he describes his learnings from years of dealing with sex traffickers as a law enforcement officer. Warning, the post does describe the effect of the sex trafficking industry on women and is not for the faint of heart. In his reflections he explains that many women are drawn to the pimps of this world because they are tired of the beta behaviour of their current partners and find the Alpha behaviour of pimps alluring, before they get caught in the spider’s web, so to speak.

I agree with his ideas that women are tired of men who don’t embrace their masculinity and are seeking the stronger more decisive type of man but it isn’t as simple as all that. I am a Biologist, I believe that the way we act is driven by our basic function of reproducing successfully. As I tell my students, everything in Biology is about sex and food. Men are programmed with the scatter gun approach. Their goal is to get their DNA into as many females as possible. Over his lifetime a man could, theoretically, impregnate hundreds of women. Women are not able to take this approach. In an extreme case a woman might successfully birth twenty babies in her lifetime. Of those twenty maybe half would make it to adulthood. IF she is healthy and able to carry and birth them. IF she has a tribe around her to help raise them. IF, and this is the kicker, she can find a mate to PROVIDE for her.

In a caveman scenario, which is where our programming and instincts come from, a woman is looking for a man whose genes are sound and will give her offspring the best chance of success. Enter the Alpha, strong, confident, resourceful. She will try to mate with him because, clearly, his genes are going to give her offspring the best chance. But here is her conundrum; while the Alpha has the best genes he is not likely to stick around and bring her food while she is incapacitated and caring for the offspring they have created. His attention is going to be on the next conquest and the next woman who is looking for his genes. Without support and a provider the offspring, and probably the woman, will die.

Enter feminine wiles. While seeking to acquire impregnation from the Alpha the woman may seek to bind a less Alpha or beta male to her and convince him that he needs to care for her and her children. This guy is less desirable from a sexual point of view; he is possibly weaker and may have some weird characteristics but he will be around to build a shelter, hunt for some food and brandish a weapon at any wild animals that might try to attack her and her baby.

The animal kingdom is full of examples of females who birth offspring that are not genetically related to the male to whom she is bound. There are a wide variety of examples of social arrangements that allow for females to mate with the Alpha while enjoying the support and protection of other males, and/ or females, in their community.

So what does all this have to do with men and women and relationships in the 21st century? Well, the programming is still there. We may have progressed culturally and socially but we are still the same species that lived in caves and wandered about hunting mammoths and digging up roots. We are still in the words of Douglas Adams “Very clever apes”. So women still want to mate the Alpha and the Alpha still wants to fuck everything he can. Other men, and women, created this culture that values monogamy above all else as a way of negating the fascination with Alpha and decreasing his power. Marriage could be viewed as an institution that allowed beta males to capture a mate and lock the Alpha out. The idea of purity and chastity could be seen as tool men used to control women and keep the Alpha out until the beta had a chance to lock her up with his nice house and good job.

Deep down the woman still desires the Alpha and deep down the beta is still submissive to his dominance. Can a beta become an Alpha? In some cases yes. But honestly it is unlikely. The traits that define an Alpha are not entirely learned. They come from within and are not always conscious. The beta may learn to mimic some Alpha behaviours and this will gain him some success. A quick Google will unearth any amount of material claiming to help men “Become more Alpha” but it is a slippery slope. Without some limitations men who engage in Alpha behaviour just become an arsehole.

Enter the pimp and honestly, any men who commit domestic abuse. These men may have started life as an Alpha or they may have been betas who converted. Whatever the case, their Alphaness is out of control. They have power and are, by all accounts, very, very charming. They possess that thing that draws women in. The women sense that their genes are strong. But these men are addicted to their power. They are incapable of owning it against a woman who is strong enough to question it and so they enforce their power by engaging in degrading and abusive behaviour.

Life is about balance. A good relationship has balance. A marriage survives because the partners work as a team to ensure that each party becomes their best self. There is definitely room for a man to be a man and own his masculinity but it cannot be at the expense of his partner. Being more alpha is not a license to act like an arsehole. It does not give you the right to hold a good woman (or man) down.