Like many things in my life I find impact play a bit hit and miss. I like the power of giving impact to willing recipients. I like a well placed spank during sex or while I am being stimulated in some way. But I am not super turned on by pain. There is some part of my brain at the moment that WANTS to engage with being submissive but I don’t know exactly where it will take me.
During our NYE shenanigans we met a couple who we hit it off with really well. turns out he likes a good spank but his general rule is quid pro quo. So if you give you have to receive. When I woke up the next morning I found this mark on my butt from my studded riding crop. Mmmmm this friendship is going to take some turns.
Earlier in the year Mr Jones and I dipped our toe into the world of lifestyle camping weekends. Odd that in our long journey we have never really pitched a tent and spent an entire weekend with 50 or so other like minded people. Smaller groups for an entire weekend yes. This many naked, drinking, partying, and fucking people? No. The experience was unique and in many ways positive. We kept our minds open and so when another opportunity in a slightly different setting arose we took the chance. One of the experiences we opened ourselves up to was some UV highlighted wax play. It was more of a performance than a BDSM session but it has made me wonder and take firmer steps towards perhaps dabbling in this kind of thing.
1. Which do you enjoy more in bed, pain or pleasure?
I am definitely more into pleasure but I do like to include a little pain. A little spank, a little nibble adds to the intensity.
2. Do you like being tickled during sex? Where?
I am not really ticklish so when people try to tickle me it has very little impact. I do like to be stroked gently with the back of someone’s fingernails though. If that counts.
3. Have you ever used feathers during sex?
I do possess a couple of feather ticklers. The kind you buy from the sex shop. They have had a kind of ‘meh’ effect so they aren’t really a go to. If I want to stroke gently I find the fronds of a flogger to have more impact.
4. Do you like to be blindfolded during sex? Why?
This is something that people TALK about but somehow in the heat of the moment these things get forgotten. Although I have had a bit of a realisation that I have developed a habit of being a bit passive when I am having sex and letting my partner dictate things. Even when he asks what I want I defer to what I think he wants. During a session with The Divorcee realised I have to be more pushy. So the restraints may happen in our future. He has mentioned he wants to. So I just have to make it happen.
5. Have you ever used cold or heat as part of your sex play? What was provided, the cold or the heat?
When pleasuring myself at home I sometimes enjoy the coolness of my glass dildo in those first few moments before it is warmed by my body. But extreme like putting it in the freezer. Not yet. Maybe with someone I trusted to administer it. It is early days but I like the idea of making a little to do list with The Divorcee.
6. Do you enjoy being spanked, giving spankings, or both?
Both. Some people have very delicious bums that are very very spankable. I also like the feel of being spanked. Sometimes over a knee. Sometimes while I have a cock buried deep inside me.
7. Do you have a safe word? Have you ever used it?
Mr Jones and I have had a joke for many years about “Pineapple” being our safe word. For the record neither of us have ever had to use it. Partly because we are pretty in tune with how the other is faring and partly because we don’t go to extremes all that often.
The only time I have ever really made a safe word was during a weekend we spent with a couple earlier in the year. It didn’t go particularly well. Needless to say that despite making and me using the safe word, he ignored it. I had to repeat the agreed word and then the more standard “red” several times before his wife stepped in. It has made me even more cautious about those kinds of situations.
It has been more than a year since I posted the answer to the first dirty question after stumbling across the questions on the blog of Brigit Delaney. But I have finally made it to the end! I have posted responses to all of the questions bar two. If you want to browse through my journey please head on over to my Thirty Dirty Questions page.
Today also marks the last day of Molly’s Every Damned Day in June project. I started participating because I needed something to keep me honest and work on this page at least every other day. While I have not posted EVERY day I have met the minimum requirement and posted at least three times a week. It has been helpful to get that muscle working. So without further ado welcome to the last episode of Thirty Dirty Questions.
Are you dominant or submissive or a bit of both?
I think I have commented quite a few times I like the IDEA of being submissive but it doesn’t come naturally to me in most situations. My most recent foray into being submissive was my transaction with Captain Kirk. I won’t go into the details but he was dominant in a very restrained way. Missy commented on my post that she believed this was a true Dominant. Someone who is in tune with their submissive and adjusts their approach accordingly.
I enjoyed being placed by Captain K. I enjoyed being told to suck his cock and I enjoyed him holding the back of my head and fucking my face a little. The thing that makes me weak at the knees is hearing him whisper to me that I am a good girl. From the first time I heard that phrase whispered to me quite a few years ago now it has never failed to make me weak at the knees and even more desperate to please.
Does this make me a submissive? In some ways I think so. But there have been times when I have encountered men who identify as dominant and not enjoyed the experience. In my post “Consent” I talked about a man who identifies as dominant and loves to construct furniture for restrain and teasing. Something I find intriguing and would love to experiment with.
Not with him. No is not a word he hears or pays attention to.
With Captain K…. Perhaps. But I am not sure it is his jam.
Something I did realise about myself during the weekend of No Consent. I do like to dominate women. I like to go down on them and watch them squirm with pleasure. I like to fuck them with a strap on and I like to explore every part of their body. I am not so worried about having the favour reciprocated. It is just who I am.
Several years ago I had a play friend who referred to himself as Pet. While he was typically a man’s man I believe he took the opportunity with me to explore his fantasies that involved wearing my underwear and having me put things in his arse. He also liked me to flog his cock and arse. He was a dirty dirty man and I should have taken more advantage of him.
So to answer the question. Am I dominant or submissive I guess I am both with the right people. Mr Jones thinks that the man who would dominate me would probably not be a very nice person. If he means the man who would break my spirit and force me to submit then he is right. If he means the man who I choose to submit to because I trust that he will respect me and push me out of my comfort zone in a safe consensual way then he is wrong.
Similarly I am not interested in dominating every young, inexperienced pretty boy who has a weak mind. If I don’t respect you then I won’t do that with you. As I get older I am more interested in dealing with people I respect who have a similar mindset than I am in just rolling with what life throws at me. People in general annoy me. Certain people are worthy of my time and effort. The rest can go fuck themselves.
Ok, so it isn’t Friday but I put this post together a while ago and only just got a chance to activate it.
The sight of the skirt laid out on the bed made Chrissy’s heart skip a beat. Everything that had happened during her day faded into background noise as she stood looking at the dull gleam of the leather. Her eyes slid over to the silver clock on the bedside table. It took moments for her to process the time and realise what that meant. She had a schedule to meet, she was expected to be prepared thoroughly and correctly and most importantly, punctually. The sight of the skirt was just the beginning.
She peeled off her clothes and deposited them in the hamper before she stepped into the bathroom. Standing naked in front of the sink she picked up her pink razor and began to methodically and thoroughly to remove all of the hair on her body, paying particular attention to the short dark hairs on her pubic mound. She spent extra moments smoothing the soft sensitive skin there, making sure that every hair had been removed. Before she realised what she was doing her fingers slipped inside her slit. The feel of her hot wet cunt was almost too much to resist. It took more than a little willpower to stop herself from exploring further into her slick wet folds but she knew the consequences of indulging. With a firm determination she removed her hand.
According to the routine set out for her she made the shower very hot. Steam billowed up, filling the bathroom as she eased her body under the stinging needles of the shower. Obediently she scrubbed herself with the exfoliator thoroughly as the hot water turned her skin a bright, glowing pink. Only when she had scrubbed from head to toe did she turn the water off and step out of the steam filled cubicle tingling all over. When she was dry she picked up the moisturiser and rubbed her entire body with lotion, paying particular attention to the skin on her ass and thighs.
Nervously she glanced at the clock on the bedside table as she began to dress herself. Sir was never, ever late and she knew that he would be less than pleased if she was not ready when he arrived. She left the skirt until last, donning the white blouse making sure all of the buttons were fastened, right up to the neck. Next was the suspender belt and stockings, she took a precious minutes adjusting the seams, making sure they were perfectly straight before she stepped into the patent leather pumps. Finally, the one garment that hadn’t left her mind since she had stepped into the bedroom earlier. Almost reverently she slipped it over her head and slid it into place. With great care she made sure all the fasteners were in place before she stepped in front of the mirror to check that she hadn’t missed anything. She resisted turning to get a glimpse of her back; she wasn’t ready to see her bare butt exposed by the cut of her skirt. She didn’t want to dwell too much on what lay ahead.
Shivering she stood in front of Him, eyes downcast, waiting for his instruction. Her nipples strained against the thin fabric of her blouse, her knees trembled slightly. It took all of her will not to clench her bare buttocks as he walked around her, inspecting her. For a second his hand rested on the naked skin framed by the skirt he had gotten made especially for her. Especially so that he could look at her beautiful ass while she was fully dressed. Especially because he knew how much she loved the feel of his hand on her ass and it pleased him to think that when she was dressed this way she was always on edge, waiting for the sting of his palm or something else.
What pleased him even more was the knowledge she loved the pain as much as she loved the pleasure of his tongue on her clit. Sometimes the feel of a firm hand on her ass while he had his cock buried deep inside her made her cum so hard she pushed his cock out of her.
With one finger he stroked her perfectly groomed hair before gently placing the collar around her neck. At the feeling of the soft leather her heart started racing, almost uncontrollably. The lead clicked into the clasp at the front of her neck, she tilted her head up a little to let her eyes rest on his face for a moment, and she noted the approval and a hint of lust in his eyes. The clamour of her groin became almost unbearable. Nothing else mattered to her now. Anything could happen to her tonight, any pain, any indignity was repaid by the pleasure she got from knowing he wanted her.
I will start this post by stating that I am not in a D/s relationship and probably won’t ever engage in a formal D/s relationship, but I do sometimes employ some softer elements into my sexual play. Not the same thing I know.
For me submission is about relinquishing control. About not having to make decisions about what is going to happen. If someone is dominating me, I am free to focus on my response to the situation. I will say that my response to authority often features two extremes. I like to follow rules, I like structure. I will follow a rule and conform to a set of expectations while I think they are reasonable and the person issuing the rules is making them from a place of intelligence.
If I feel that the person issuing the rules is not intelligent or is making rules to suit their own stupid agenda, then my compliance is at best sullen and more frequently bratty and devious. Like all people I will look for a loophole or straight out defy. It is a very childish response, but I have been known to flip the bird behind the back of someone in authority when they give an instruction, I find particularly irritating.
During sex I will sometimes comply with a reasonable request. If I feel it has been framed appropriately. On the flip side I sometimes like to be in control, call the shots and put my partner into positions and situations that I choose. I am turned on by having power over someone. If they resist, they will earn themselves a spank in the moment but not a fully constructed punishment.
For me, discipline and punishment are not things that are part of my sex life. They are part of my vanilla life. I am a teacher, discipline is a daily thing for me. But not in the way that most people think. When I think of discipline, I think of maintaining a routine and a set of expectations. Students, and humans in general, are compliant when they know what to expect. Most people will be much calmer and happier if they have a good understanding of what they can expect when they take a certain course of action. To me discipline is about being consistent in your response to a situation.
My daughter explains to people regularly, “When Mum says no it is no.” This is a big part of being disciplined. Having a consistent set of responses to situations. Following a particular way of thinking consistently; making a plan or set of rules and sticking to it. Sometimes it is hard and tiring to do that. It is tempting to short cut the rules or the plan. Doing this will result in hardship later. People in your charge will become unruly and difficult to handle if they know they can get you to change an unpopular policy simply by questioning, whining or having a tantrum. It takes effort to enforce a plan at the start but over time that enforcement becomes habit and is easier. It is met with less resistance amongst the troops because they see the plan working in everyone’s favour.
Punishment has never been a feature of my life as a Sex Goddess, a teacher or a parent. Consequences is the approach I use. When my own children were small I would often say to them;
“You can do that if you want to but if you do then X is going to happen”
This then becomes part of the discipline circuit. A consistent set of rules and follow through. I stated how I would respond, and they can make their own choice. In a classroom the same thing happens. Once I had a student who would invariably ask “So what are we doing?” just when I had finished giving the instructions and everyone was getting on with the task. It drove me bananas. The class knew it and they all conformed to listen when I was explaining the task, except him.
One day I remember him starting to ask the inevitable question and his new girlfriend shushing him as the words started. She hurriedly repeated the instructions and urged him to get on with it. She understood the discipline thing even if he didn’t. Perhaps the consequence of not complying with her was more dire for him than not complying with me. Whatever, that habit did change with her help. Teenage boys really do think with their small brain most of the time.
People sometimes ask if I am the dominant in my relationship with Mr Jones. The answer is a very firm no. I don’t believe that kind of dynamic would be healthy in OUR relationship. I have no doubt he would very much enjoy it. He doesn’t like making decisions and having someone calling all the shots would make his life much easier. As I explained I spend my day making the decisions and calling the shots for a bunch of teenagers. It is exhausting. I don’t want to come home and do the same thing.
2021 in the classroom for me is about a bit of tightening in the discipline department. One of my classes this year is a year 7 class. They are in their first year of high school and traditionally are unruly and have an inflated sense of their own importance. Consistent expectations and consequences are important in training them to navigate high school successfully and with minimal drama.
This post is part of the current 4 Thoughts or Fiction meme “Discipline and Punishment” To see some other thoughts on the topic head click on the image below.
This week I was a little reluctant to answer the questions. Even though I can say I have dabbled in BDSM / kink I don’t consider myself a serious practitioner. In the presence of people living in true Ds relationships I feel intimidated. However after reading the answers of a few fellow TMIers namely Pink Seam and Mr A I felt a little more confident. So here goes!
1. In a D/s relationship (dominance and submission) , what do you enjoy most?
I always seem to end up dominating. It is sometimes by choice and I enjoy it. Some recent experiences with JB have proven that to me. I was reminded of the rush I get from marking a man with my teeth during sex and I expanded my toy collection a little by purchasing my first riding crop. I LOVED the sound it made when I used it on his ass.
I have also enjoyed being submissive as well. A long term occasional play friend introduced me to another thing that I find infinitely erotic. He used to hold the back of my head when I was sucking his cock and whisper to me what a good girl I was. Those words were sometimes enough to make me squirt a little.
2. What do you want people to know most about D/s relationships?
I guess, given my opening comments, I would like people to know that it isn’t all extreme pain and shouting. Sometimes like the situations I have described above it is more subtle. Many play situations involve simply teasing the line between pleasure and pain so that it gets a little blurred.
3. For you, does D/s need to have a sadist and masochist component?
Walking the line between pleasure and pain yes, sadism probably not so much. Most of the time it is more about a power play. Allowing someone to have control of your senses and experiences. Which can be more about surprise and maybe doing something that you wouldn’t normally.
4. For you, does BDSM have to involve sex?
As I said earlier I don’t consider myself a practitioner of true BDSM. I am primarily a swinger who likes to include a bit of kinky stuff in my sex. So the answer for me is yes there needs to be sex.
5. If you are in a D/s relationship, why do you need it?
I refuse to introduce any long term every day elements of Ds into my marriage. I consider marriage to be a partnership. Some members of the kink community would argue that there can be Ds and partnership, and they would be right. For me I don’t feel our partnership would work if it were a Ds relationship.
6. If you are not in a D/s relationship, would you like to be? Why?
While I don’t feel that my marriage is a good place for Ds my play friend space is definitely a great place for this to exist. As I explained in Q1. I have explored this dynamic in play friendships before and thoroughly enjoyed it. I look forward to pushing my boundaries more in the future.
Bonus: What is the relationship between trust and vulnerability?
I think that there is a strong connection. When you trust you become vulnerable. The more you trust, the more vulnerable you are. Some people trust too easily and it gets them into unsafe situations. It would be nice to think that every person who likes to be Dominant had the feelings and safety of their submissive at heart. But sadly that is not the case.
This post is Part of TMI Tuesday. Please take the time to read other posts there.
Corrupting Mrs Jones 