So as seems to happen my twitter followers have heard the punchline of this conversation with me but I felt the need to share the following conversation with you all.
So this guy messaged me on the swingers dating app I use. In actual fact I had sworn off contacting people from this app for a while because it has become HARD WORK. I really don’t know why I broke this promise to myself but here is what went down:
Initial message: Hey you look super sexy I would like to get to know you better.
For the record he was listed as living in Newcastle, about 700km from me. That is what made me think chatting to him would be a bit of harmless fun.
Response: We can chat if you like my Kik is …..
He messaged me back almost straight away but I didn’t respond. Something about his Kik profile didn’t feel good. I should have taken it as a sign. So next morning;
Gemma: sorry I didn’t respond last night I crashed really early.
CFW (Thhis stands for complete fucking wanker. Reasons for this alias will become apparent very soon): I want you to suck my dick
Really I should have shut this down then and there. This kind of opening never ends well but I am all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt
Gemma: I only sick dicks that are big enough and pretty enough.
CFW: sends dick pic. It wasn’t pretty and who can tell size from a close up with no point of reference.
Gemma: If it isn’t in real life it doesn’t count
CFW: Can I see your pussy?
Gemma: amuses herself by sending ‘pussy’ pic
At this point I leave to drive 20mins to work. I thought that was that but I was wrong
CFW: I want to lick you.
I decide he is not going to get the hint so I give it to him straight
Gemma: Look I don’t do sexting or sex chat or any of the things that involve me talking dirty and sending pics while you wank. If that is what you want then I am not your girl.
Again. I think That is that, but it wasn’t. I get to work
CFW: I am looking to hook up
Gemma: so tell me your story
At this point I have ignored multiple red flags and STILL I am engaging this person. And then it happens
CFW: I am just looking for a hole to fill. I don’t want to be your mate.
I know that men sometimes think this. I know that many think this without actually admitting it but saying it to someone you are supposedly trying to get sex with?
Gemma: well you aren’t going to fill this hole because your dick is not big nor pretty enough.
Yes I should have shut it down. Blocked him, deleted the conversation, ghosted him but I wanted to make him feel as worthless as he had just done to me.
CFW: well you are a fat old granny I bet you won’t enjoy the 10 years you have left.
Then in the middle of the staff room, getting ready for classes and a day of wrestling with teenagers I did what I should have done after the first message. Deleted the conversation. Ended it.
I was shocked, hurt, violated. Worse, I had no one to share what had just happened to me. Not one of the 130 odd people sharing the staff room with me at that moment could help me. They don’t know what I do, they can’t know what I do. I had to just pull myself together and move on.
There are those who would say putting it out there meant I asked for it. I didn’t. I was polite, I was clear about what I am about. Nothing about anything I do made what CFW said OK. Don’t get me wrong, it is perfectly ok to say “I am just looking for sex” and “I don’t want to get intimate”
Telling someone that you see them as a cum bucket, that is not OK. Responding in such a nasty way when you get rejected. That is not OK. It is never ok to be rude or treat someone like junk.
For the record I spent the rest of the day grumpy and out of sorts. I am proud however of the fact that what he said didn’t make me feel less sexy or attractive. It hasn’t made me question my lifestyle or my choices about hooking up for sex. I AM attractive and he definitely was the one who missed out. I refuse to stop believing in myself.
This post is listed as part of Wicked Wednesday prompt #405 Don’t Stop Believing. As always there is a plethora of talented writers to enjoy so get on over at check them out!