What is it with Men and Being Gay?

I want to preface this post with a warning. It is a rant. It is my opinion based on my experiences and life so far. I am not an expert nor do I profess to be.

So last night I “went into the out”. It was a rewarding experience. But that is not the story I want to tell.

I ran into a man I had met before. I couldn’t remember if we got naked together. He didn’t mention that we had. So I am confident we didn’t. Things started out OK. He was nice, mostly polite. Sort of funny. Very keen. I thought “maybe”. Then a couple things happened. I took on a task to help a friend and my potential suitor was left waiting for longer than he liked.

While he was waiting he continued to make conversation with Mr Jones and myself. He related a story about being hit on by another male who he had asked to help him out with a tech problem. That in itself wasn’t an issue but his reaction was. For some reason he seemed to think a man placing his hand on another man’s thigh without permission or invitation was far more offensive than a man touching a woman on the arse, the boob or any other unwanted advance. Because it was a man touching another (not gay) man. It was more offensive than a woman coming on to another uninterested woman. It was just THE MOST OFFENSIVE THING EVER.

Why? Because my friend (who had just removed all possibility of being naked with me) is NOT GAY. In fact he was so NOT GAY he had to explain how NOT GAY he is at great length.

When I related this story to The Unicorn she voiced the opinion that he is probably a closeted gay. Honestly I think if he relaxed just a tiny bit he might enjoy interacting with another man sexually. There is a strong possibility he does want to do this but he can’t bring himself to because he is simply NOT GAY. I don’t think he is interested in having a full blown monogamous relationship with a man but sexuality is a spectrum, right? I remember when I was The Unicorn’s age I had similar theories about similar types of men. As a much older person I feel the theory has some merit but it isn’t quite right.

There is a whole swarth of stuff to unpack in this situation. One item is this whole culture of men insisting they are NOT GAY and using “that is gay” as a way of expressing their dislike of a situation. I work with 15 – 18 year olds. I am at the coalface of changing that culture. But this post is not about that.

The thing I found irritating about this man’s attitude was the way he reacted to being touched by someone he wasn’t attracted to. In general (and this is a generalisation minorities and exceptions calm your tits) women approach people with the idea that they may not be acceptable / desirable very much in the front of their mind. Men, in the majority of cases, have the opposite idea. They feel that anyone they are interested in (man or woman) would obviously like them and therefore are surprised when that is not the case. What is amusing is a situation like this one. A man was pissed that another man told him he should be flattered because he was on the receiving end of some unwanted attention. He didn’t see why the gay man should think he would be attracted to him because he was NOT GAY!! Furthermore he couldn’t see how this approach was like the thousands of approaches that women receive over their lifetime.

I read a post this morning written by a bisexual man complaining about other men who message, presumably through apps like Grinder / Tinder etc, to hook up. The complaint being that these suitors are expecting their target to drop everything and be available right now. He was complaining about men who don’t stop to consider that the object of their affection might have a life / job / commitments and not be at their beck and call. I don’t know why this man thinks he is special and that this is a problem specific to bisexual or gay men.

All of this complaining highlights something for me. Often men genuinely don’t get how their behaviour affects other people. Straight men created a society where they feel completely entitled to express their sexual desires and expect that someone will hasten to meet their needs. In our modern world men who are interested in other men are coming out of the closet. No longer is the sexual desire being expressed solely for a woman. What hasn’t changed is the sense of entitlement. It is amusing to watch the reaction of men when they “get a taste of their own medicine”.

I don’t hate men. Truly I don’t. I know that many men have realised that being an entitled twat is not the way to be. And their respect for women and other humans in general shines through. But some days it feels as if we are changing this culture one man at a time.

Friday Flashback – In the Boardroom

“So I want a complete breakdown on my desk by Monday everyone.” James concluded the meeting. His team members filed out as he collected his files into a neat pile. As he stood up to leave his eyes met the youngest member of his team, Matt, sitting at the end of the boardroom table. Suddenly the room felt warm, James’ heart beat a little faster and he felt a tightening in his groin. Last Friday night James had seen Matt in a bar he frequented in the Valley. Sitting at the end of the bar, James had watched another young man wrap his arms around Matt and slide his hands down into his pants. The two of them began making out. Young, fit bodies pressing together, oblivious to everyone around them, before they left for a more private venue. James had gone home to his own fantasies as he pleasured himself. 

Right now ,in the boardroom, with Matt’s eyes boring into him he wondered if he had been wrong. Maybe Matt had seen him watching that night. It was unnerving and arousing at the same time. Without speaking Matt stood up looking James straight in the eye. From a detached part of his mind James noted that Matt was slightly shorter than him. Something he always liked, it was a power thing. Even so it felt as though Matt was in control of the situation. The two men stood facing each other, James noticed Matt’s full lips framing a slight smirk. Suddenly he had an uncontrollable desire to feel them sliding down over his rock hard cock. The  sexual tension in the room was almost unbearable. James decided to get straight to the point. 

“Let’s get a drink in my office,” He turned and led the way out of the room.

In his office he closed the door softly behind Matt who moved over to the couch in the corner of the room.

“Scotch?” he held up the bottle.

Matt nodded his assent. As James turned his back to pour drinks he heard the sigh of a tie being removed. When he turned back with two drinks in hand Matt stood before him with his shirt unbuttoned and his hand resting on his belt buckle. In response to the questioning look in Matt’s eye James nodded as he took a step towards the couch to place the glasses on the side table. A belt buckle jingled and there was the soft sound of clothing hitting the floor as James unbuttoned his own shirt. 

He turned to face Matt who was standing in front of the couch in his briefs. Still without speaking Matt stepped forward and pushed James down onto the couch. James lay back as Matt unbuckled his pants. With a look of greed Matt reached into the loosened suit pants and eased out James’ throbbing cock. 

“Yummy,” he whispered as he reached forward and licked the bead of pre-cum that had formed at the tip. He didn’t waste any more time before he plunged his mouth down over the hard length. James groaned in pleasure. The feel of a man sucking his cock was so different from a woman. And someone so young and vital made it even more exciting. Matt moved his head up and down, taking in James’ entire length with each stroke, engulfing him in desire.

As he sucked Matt pressed his hard young body against James’ leg including his own hard throbbing cock. Somewhere in a remote part of his mind James made plans to return the favour to Matt. But right now he was drawn back into the pleasure of this moment. He knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back for very long. He wanted the hot hard surge of the orgasm that Matt was sucking out of him. Pressure mounted at the base of James’ cock as Matt slid his fingers around to stroke James’ arse. 

James bucked his hips in pleasure as Matt’s finger stroked around the tight sensitive hole behind James’ balls. Matt let James’ cock slide from his mouth for a moment to wet his finger before he slid it back into James’ ass. Stroking him for a moment Matt watched James’ face as he eased his finger inside him. 

“You dirty fucker,” Matt whispered as he slid his finger into James’ arse. 

He leaned down and slid his mouth down over James’ cock. The dual sensation of the mouth around his cock and the finger in his arse exploded in James’ mind. His breath was coming in sort gasps, and his hand gripped the back of Matt’s head pushing his face further down on his cock. He knew he was close now but he held back a little wanting to prolong the moment a little. 

Matt’s finger twisted a little inside him sending pleasure shooting through his body. Pushing his pelvis against Matt’s face James shot a jet of hot cum into his mouth with a loud groan. Matt held him deep in his throat as the second pulse shot out of him. For long moments the two men were pressed together before James slumped  back against the couch panting with the intensity of the encounter. 

Rocking back on his heels Matt released James’ rapidly softening cock from his mouth and stood up. The bulge in his briefs left no doubts about how aroused he was. As the young man reached forward to take his drink James reached out to caress the hard cock through the black fabric.