Over the last twelve months I have managed to put on a bit of weight which has meant that I have acquired a more classically curvy body. This is something that I am having trouble coming to terms with. When ever I see myself in photos I find my eye drawn to the parts of my body that I dislike the most and they somehow seem incredibly ugly. Recently a friend told me that he loves that kind of body. He is not the first man to express that opinion but still I find myself struggling to like my body. I took this selfie to send to my friend kind of being perverse and trying to provoke him into making a negative comment. Of course he didn’t.
Strangely looking at pictures of myself like this is helping me to accept my body. So I thought I would share it with you all.
This week’s prompt was ‘Graveyard’. Immediately I thought of this very sexy video that was created by my Pole Dancing Instructor and some of her Burlesque students for Halloween last year. Among other things I think this video demonstrates quite clearly the way the Burlesque world accepts women of all ages, shapes and sizes. VSassy has gone out of her way to create a space and support network for any woman to express themselves through dance and I love being a part of that community.
As always make sure you check out the Wicked Wednesday page for all of this week’s wickedness.
When I started this blog it was as a fresh start. I had neglected my last blog, “Erotic Adventures” and I felt the need for a new beginning. Like everything in life when you start out you are full of idealistic zeal and this time is going to be better than last time etc etc.
Of course things never turn out the way you plan and I found myself not able to post here as often as I had hoped. Life got in the way and I found myself not posting at all for the last few weeks. I have really missed posting. The discipline of regularly sharing my musings with the world seems to keep me on track. I found myself constantly starting blog posts in my head, but not finding the commitment or time or focus to get them down on my iPad. But now I have a few things sorted and find myself ready to get back in the habit.
My life right now is in a state of flux. I don’t have a job as such and I find myself incapable of making a plan more than a day in advance. The main contributing factor to my lack of planning ability is the lack of employment certainty. Not having a fixed general direction makes it difficult to focus on details. I have always needed a plan to feel like my life is under control. Right now I don’t have a plan and it is unsettling. I really want a job and I have to keep reminding myself not to hold my lack of employment against the people who do have a job and make well meaning statements like “Don’t worry it will work out”. It will work out even if it doesn’t feel like it will right now.
On the plus side I have had time to myself which is not something I have had a lot of. My family and I had the opportunity to travel to Papua New Guinea on a cruise ship which was a surreal experience. I have also had the time to have another attempt at writing a novel as part of NaNoWriMo. I can’t report success unfortunately but I am well into a book which has promise. In the coming weeks I hope to share some excerpts with you all.
I have also had some time to explore my “Gemma-ness” which is having interesting results. I have begun a path of exploration with someone who has a mind very much like mine. Playing with someone who you click with so well is like wearing you favourite pair of comfy jeans and your most fabulous pair of 7 inch Pleasers at the same time. The jeans know every curve of your body and make you feel brave; but the shoes, while they look AAAMAAAZING, take every opportunity to remind you to tread carefully or you will break your ankle.
‘Pet’ in his own, slightly alcohol fuelled words, wants to “try everything so that I can decide if it is for me or not”. A little challenging but an interesting journey. I will make sure I share some of the juicier details along the way.
Re discovering Gemma has been interesting. Over the course of this year I had sometimes wondered if Gemma had completely died. I don’t think she has but I had not really realised how much of her I had cut off. I could ramble on about this but I think it needs to be the subject for another post.
So here is to a summer of writing, re-discovery and more than a little corruption.
I am not sure if I have mentioned this but I pole dance for fun and fitness.
When people hear the words pole dancing there are a few stereotypes that spring to mind. The first one is stripping. Unfortunately the classic image of a pole dancer is a woman in seven inch heels taking her clothes off while winding her body around a pole. There are women who do this and the majority of them get paid quite well but the modern phenomenon that is pole dancing is not about removing clothes it is about athleticism and gymnastics. Don’t believe me? Head on over to You Tube and look up some videos of Chelle Hafner or Jenyne Butterfly.
I will admit that the thing that I was looking for when I took my first class was the sexy dancing and the hope that I would learn to be as alluring as a stripper one day. I was very disappointed after an hour of strengthening and gymnastics style training with absolutely no dancing.
The second thing that springs to a lot of people’s minds when they think about pole dancing classes is a culture of young, attractive, flexible women with fantastic bodies. I will agree that there some pole dancers like that and there are definitely studios that cultivate that kind of clientele. But there are studios that don’t. On the whole I have found the pole dancing community to be one of the most accepting, empowering and encouraging communities to be around.
Being involved with pole dancing has been one of the key factors in my current ability to be mostly naked in a room full of strangers. This is because of the acceptance of everyone regardless of their size and shape. My current instructor is a wonderful supportive, encouraging person who fully embraces the idea that pole is all about your individual journey. She is the person that has convinced me that taking more than a year to invert confidently was not a shortcoming is was just how it was with me. She is also the person who has encouraged me to see that anything is achievable with enough work.
Going back to my experiences that I discussed in part one of this series I had an opportunity that evening to reflect on reverse body discrimination. As I already told you the evening was challenging for me because I felt that I was in the definite minority of people larger than size 10 getting naked in front of a crowd. There were of course women in the crowd who were supportive of me and as time went on I felt I was a little like the ‘big girl’s’ champion. What was a little distressing about the bigger girl’s group was their animosity towards the smaller women in the room.
I found myself correcting some of their negative and acrimonious comments towards some of these women trying to encourage a culture of acceptance of all body shapes. It is true that smaller more beautiful women definitely get more attention and in a lot of ways their life is easier but sometimes bigger people forget that these women experience as much negativity as they do. When they started spouting their negative comments had no comprehension that their attitude was exactly the same as the discrimination they hate receiving every day. Body acceptance is not just about being less offensive to fat people it is about accepting people exactly the way they are, whoever they are.
We are the product of our life experiences and we get out of life what we put in. It doesn’t matter what size we are. If we are negative all the time we will have a shitty life. In my experience that is how things work. When we see other people around us making choices we think are wrong or stupid we are only glimpsing a small part of their lives. For the most part we have absolutely no idea of what his happening with them. Wether we are tall, short, wide or thin we are all on a journey and we owe it to each other to remember that and cut each other some slack occasionally.