What do I Know About Women – Part 2

This series is based on a post at Your Sex Interview. I posted Part One here.

What do you know about timing?

Timing is everything. In Duncan’s post he speaks about women being attracted to different types of men at different times of her cycle. I am not sure about that but I know that at different times of her cycle she is unconsciously more attractive to men.

I know my interest in certain men and certain activities can be fleeting. I can be all horny and wanting a certain man to do certain things one day but if he does not talk advantage of the opportunity when it is on offer I can lose interest pretty quickly.

What do you know about three-ways?

A bunch!!!!!!!!

Apparently, they are more common in Australia. I am Australian, I see them happening a bit, but my perspective of non-monogamous sex is a little skewed because of my lifestyle.

My first threesome was a FFM. Back then I was more into girls than I am now. It was very surreal. Mr Jones and I were at a swingers club that we frequent and we met a woman. She told us about her day of treating herself to a massage, some beauty treatments and a nice meal. She was here for some sex, which we had, then she left. The threesome was very nice and she was very nice. Mr Jones still talks about it.

My first MMF involved a double vaginal penetration. There is a story about it on my old blog. It was a life changing moment and one that I haven’t really repeated, yet.

Since then we have threesomes with both men and women but mostly with women. Mostly because it is easier to find men. And because I like cock.

Do I have a preference? I would say I prefer MMF but writing this has made me wonder….

What do you know about women and cheating?

Women cheat. I don’t know if they cheat as often as men. It kind of depends on your definition of cheating. The standard definition of cheating is penis in vagina without the other partner(s) knowledge. But there are so many other things that don’t go quite that far. Is a head job cheating? Is kissing cheating? Is talking dirty via messenger app with someone you met on the internet cheating? Is flirting with the guy who comes in to your work regularly cheating?

I would answer yes to most of those questions, most of the time. My definition of cheating is anything you would not feel comfortable doing while your partner is in the room. So if you wouldn’t do those things in front of your partner you are cheating.

Mr Jones and I have very strict honesty and disclosure rules. They can be quite confronting sometimes but I believe firmly it is the only reason that we are where we are at in our relationship. Without it I would not have the freedom I enjoy and I would not be as happy as I am now.

It is a generalisation but I feel that sometimes women cheat for slightly different reasons than men. I think men mostly cheat because they don’t get sexual fulfillment in their relationships. Women cheat because they don’t feel validated in their relationships. Being with a man who tells them they are attractive and who pays attention to them is important and often a lack of that attention and validation is what drives a woman out of her relationship. Even if it is only to flirt with the delivery guy at work.

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt #418 Truth . I am glad to get the chance to be part of this meme again after a couple of weeks of craziness and not being able to participate. Please make sure you check out the other excellent entries.

http://wickedwednesday.rebelsnotes.com/

Another One Bites the Dust

Recently through the swingers dating website I am using I met a man who reminded me a lot of Pet. I was very happy with this discovery and embarked on some on-line fun that was very pleasurable to us both.

I guess I was blinded a little by his attractiveness, interest in the same types of kinks and my own horniness and I didn’t look hard enough at his profile. It wasn’t until I was already fairly invested that it came out that he was married and doing all this without the consent of his partner…

I have blogged about this before. I don’t particularly care if a potential partner is married. I have been involved with married men before. I am a swinger, that is kind of what we do. But the difference between swinging and just fucking around is the honesty, the consent, the openness. Honesty between the people getting naked and also the honesty amongst the different relationships involved. If you aren’t telling your partner where you are going you aren’t being honest.

There are many, many people in this world who are not happy with the sex in their relationship. I have been one of them, at times. It is always a conundrum; Do I stay with this person who I love, and keep the ‘normal’ appearance for the sake of my children? It seems wrong to leave because I want different/ better/ more sex.

Newsflash! Firstly you are not saving the feelings of the one you love by staying with them and getting the trimmings on the side. You are delaying the inevitable. They will find out and they will be more hurt. They may or may not leave you because of the cheating. They may know and not let on, they may put their fingers in their ears and say “lalalalalala” but they will find out.

Secondly staying in a toxic or malfunctioning relationship because it will be better for your kids is an illusion. I teach teenagers, I see all kinds of fucked up in kids every day of my working life. Most of the fucked up I see is related to parents. How the hell do you expect your kids to become functioning adults if the example they are learning from, you, is in a marriage that doesn’t work properly?

In the past my reasoning for not being involved with cheating men has been a purely selfish one. I am not interested in sneaky short intervals in the back of a car while she is out for a few hours with her friends. I am not interested in getting requests like “hey she is out for a few hours, come over now” I have my own marriage and life to live. I need to make a plan and know it is going to come off.

I sympathise with men who can’t see how to achieve their fantasies and I am happy to hold their hand while they work it out. One of my oldest and dearest friends is a man who I met in these circumstances. He is still working it out but he is getting there. I am not going to be the other woman.

Just touching on the honesty again. I am honest I tell partners from the get go my situation. I tell my husband where I am going. This particular guy was not honest. He didn’t say he was married in his profile or in his opening conversations. He assumed I would pick up on the subtleties and ‘get it’. Nope I didn’t and now I feel like an idiot. Plus he put me in a position where I had to get out of a situation when I just wanted to keep going further in.

And so despite the disappointment in realising that the decadent sexiness I was looking forward to came with a price tag I was not prepared to pay, here I am wondering if there is an honest person in the world.

Goddess Worship

A few nights ago I received an interesting proposition from a gentleman that I have known for a couple of years. Mr Jones and I have enjoyed some excellent sex with this gentleman and his very sexy wife several times over those years. Every time we have met and played together it has been all four of us in the same room. Definitely we have swapped partners but there has never been talk of them enjoying sexy time without their partner being at least in the same house. Yet there it was, a message asking if I could come and visit him at a time and place where his wife would not be present. When I enquired about her knowledge of the adventure his reply was; “It will be our little secret” 

This was not the kind of guy I would have ever imagined wanting to cheat on his wife. I was taken aback by his approach and it put me in a dilemma, I had very much enjoyed his company but I really didn’t want to get involved in a situation like that? In the end I refused. I hope politely. 
Single women in I have met have told me that of 90 – 95% of the couples they meet they will be approached by the man later asking for separate and secret sex. But to be approached by someone who is involved in swinging with their partner and still wants to cheat? I don’t get it. Why do they feel the need for more?
For some people infidelity is black and white. Either you do it and you are the scum of the earth or you don’t do it and you think everyone who does is the scum of the earth. I have learned over the years of talking with people who either commit or think seriously about infidelity, both men and women, that life is never that simple. I have also come to have the very firm belief that other people’s marriages are their business. I don’t have the right, or the knowledge of the situation to make any kind of judgement call about how people choose to conduct their relationship. In the past I have enabled people to commit adultery, either directly by participating, or indirectly by providing an alibi. Some of these situations have been very mutually satisfying and some have not exactly gone according to plan and resulted in people being caught out in a lie. When a cheater is caught in a lie I have observed their reaction is usually to tell more and bigger lies. I am always astounded by the obvious faults in these lies and how the victims of the cheating usually buy into the lies. This acceptance led me to adopt the policy of not judging a cheater. In every situation there are more facets than we can observe and often the supposed victim of the cheating is making a choice to turn a blind eye to what is going on.
I could write pages and pages about this but it isn’t the point of my post. As I said I have fucked people who are cheating on their partner before and it has been all kinds of hot and horny fun. So why did I turn down someone who has a proven, very excellent, track record based purely on the fact that what he is proposing is cheating on his wife? The answer is not what you may think, I have not become a moral and upstanding member of the community. 
In short I am not interested in being involved with someone who is not free to give me the time and attention that I deserve. As I have proclaimed before, I am a Goddess. If your situation does not give you the freedom to give me the attention worthy of my status then I am simply not interested. I have a very busy life and when I take the time out to hook up it has to be on my terms and it most definitely has to be very very satisfying. Don’t get me wrong, all of my partners will attest that I am most definitely a giving bed partner. But know this; if my feelings after an encounter are meh then I will not be placing a priority on going back for more. In my experience people who feel the need to sneak around behind their partner’s backs are very self centred. This often leads to sex which is great for them but pretty meh for me. Not something I am interested in. 

The other aspect of cheaters that I refuse to buy into is that they seem to think that asking a girl to drop everything, drive for thirty or forty minutes and hook up for thirty minutes of sex in the back seat of a car while their wife watches CSI is acceptable. It isn’t. Maybe when I was nineteen and hadn’t realised that my life wasn’t a door mat for other people to wipe their feet on, but as a forty-two year old who is very aware of my value definitely not. In short, if you want access to my vagina it is on my terms and my terms are; you turn up on time and you make sure you are able to give me and my vagina the attention it deserves.