Mr Jones and I have recently been exploring wax play. We recently had some time with some other friends who are also practitioners and had the opportunity to practise. The Tall Man shared some of his knowledge and experience. We then had the chance to practise. I was pleased with this effect.
Since the beginning of the year I have been working through “Thirty Dirty Questions” which I found on the blog of Brigid Delaney. Along the way I have been joined by two fellow bloggers; Mike from Marriage, Sex and More and Marie from Rebel’s Notes. Make sure you check out their responses for some excellent insights.
What do you tend to fantasize or dream about when it comes to sex? What kinds of porn or kink are you drawn to?
I am excited by the idea of playing with a dominant. I am attracted to men who take charge and give directions. My experiences with The Second Mate expanded on this attraction. Being given specific instructions that expanded my boundaries and helped me to learn more about my own body were very satisfying and left me wanting more. Johnny also ticked some of these boxes. He had a specific order he liked to do things in and he gave clear instructions. In addition he had “the look” that he gave me when he knew I was on the verge of orgasm and he wanted to see me come. The Second Mate also had a “look” that he would give when he knew I was holding back or getting distracted. I find the thought of being instructed when to orgasm intensely exciting.
Mr Jones and I have discussed the idea of me finding a dominant. Until we met The Second Mate Mr Jones felt that any man that was strong enough to dominate me would not be a very nice person. Part of his thinking was because I didn’t communicate clearly what I really wanted. Since we have played with The Second Mate and I was able to give him a more specific example of what I really like he is a little more on board with the idea.
Even though I like this idea and Mr Jones is OK with it in theory I am not about to embark on a specific search for a man like this. My experience with meeting people through Fetlife has been very bad. I can select for dominant men through the dating app I currently use but it is primarily for swingers and sex and so any kind of kink often has a loose interpretation. Although I did meet The Second Mate and Johnny on it so there is hope. My current approach is to let things happen organically. It has enabled me to have some great experiences so if I have a more specific goal I am hopeful that I will be having a lot of fun.
Question 1: Have you tried BDSM? How hard core did you get with it? Thoughts?
I have blogged about my feelings on BDSM a few times. I don’t consider myself a true practitioner but as my sexual journey unfolds I find myself dipping my toe in the water deeper and deeper. I had an experience recently that was fuelled by a lot of alcohol and involved dominating a man for a brief moment. The morning after I was very unsure of myself and I am resolved not to go into a situation like that when I am that drunk.
Something that intrigued me was that he professed to not be interested in pain or turned on by it. However a good hard bite on his cock made it grow and harden significantly in my mouth…
Question 2: Have you tried a poly relationship or swinging? Would you like to? Thoughts?
Swinging, yes. This whole blog is about that journey so I won’t try and put that into a nutshell. Polyamoury? Well that is a bit different.
I THINK that I would like to have a second serious relationship but I feel that the reality might be a bit different. Mr Jones is not keen on the idea at all and so for me it will remain a fantasy.
Question 3: Have you been to an adult, clothing optional resort like Hedonism II? Would you like to? Would you go if your spouse wanted to?
Mr Jones and I talked about going to a place like Hedonism when we were much younger. These days we are a bit concerned that we are not young and sexy enough for a place like that. Although recently we have become friends with a couple who regularly participate in Lifestyle cruises and it is something that interests us. If we ever get the confidence
Question 4: Have you tried public or group nudity? (Nudist Colony? Nude bike ride? Nude beach? Skinny dipping with friends? Nude resorts? Other?) Would you you like to participate in any such activity?
There are many swingers who frequent nude beaches. Being comfortable in your own skin is a characteristic of many swingers and it is something they have in common with nudists. BUT there are also a lot of nudists who are not swingers and who don’t really like their events / areas being used by swingers to pick up.
Having said all that I have been known to go nude on several beaches and other swimming places. But I have never gone out of my way to visit a nudist beach or event. It isn’t something that is high on my bucket list.
Question 5: Is there any other kink or fetish you have participated in? Or, any you wish to try or desire? Tell us about it?
The current 4Thought or Fiction prompt focuses on Kink and Fetish. You can read my contribution here.
Extra Credit: If you have any kinks or fetishes, can you tell us your thoughts on where the fetish might stem from? What might be the psychology behind the desire?
The idea that there is some deep rooted ’cause’ for a kink or fetish is a little bit archaic and kind of indicates that people with kinks and fetishes are damaged in some way. I think that people who explore their kinky side and indulge their fetishes are just more in touch with their sexual energy. I believe that everyone has different triggers that turn them on and in a pure sense these triggers could be called a kink. Except that if the kink is common it isn’t really regarded as a kink.
The current 4 Thoughts or Fiction prompt is Kink vs Fetish. According to Scottish Lass at Sex and Spanx;
Kinks are defined as something sexually non-conventional whereas a fetish is the sexual gratification gained from an object, piece of clothing or a body part.
So to the question posed in the title. Am I kinky? According to the definition given the answer is yes. I am definitely living a non-conventional sexual lifestyle. Actively seeking sexual partners outside my primary relationship is definitely not a lot of people’s cup of tea.
I know many people would not even consider my lifestyle as moral or for them. But I also know that there are those who are very very curious, even if they are equally as hesitant. I also know that a proportion of the people who reject the non-monogamous lifestyle at first bite would possibly go back for a second look if they had further information or experiences.
In my opinion, for what it is worth, I don’t see swinging or seeing other partners outside the relationship as cheating or kinky. It is more along the lines of Free Love as described by The Hoodoogurus
The other side of the prompt is about fetish. I have read definitions of fetish that state that a person with a true fetish cannot gain sexual gratification without the object or body part being present. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that one cannot include genitals as a body part here. Because really that is kind of a key part of sexual gratification.
Using this definition I don’t have a fetish. I can achieve sexual gratification without a specific set of circumstances or a particular object being present. But are there items that I find very stimulating? The answer to that is yes. I have blogged about being very turned on by seeing a man wearing my underwear. I have been looking recently at the images posted by A Man Called Alice and even though he is not wearing MY underwear he looks as hot as hell. So I am thinking that my “fetish” is expanding; or at least is bigger than I thought.
When Pet and I were dating I had quite a large collection of underwear that rotated through my wardrobe. Several pairs ended up in his possession while a few others found their way to various men who contacted me. Over time I have not replenished and lost contact with men who were interested in that kind of thing. Consequently my underwear collection today is quite small. Part of me likes that. I have become a firm believer in having less stuff in my house and countless pairs of underwear that I don’t wear regularly seem to be superfluous.
And then I find myself looking at lingerie online and wishing I did have more lacy things…. It is a constant pull and push. Although I think I may need to invest in some new underwear. My current collection is sad and doesn’t warrant posting sexy pics which I enjoy doing.
Given that my birthday is tomorrow I think I may treat myself to some new knickers. That may or may not find their way onto another man’s bottom.
This post is part of 4Thought or Fiction Prompt #158 Kink vs Fetish. I have linked to some of the participating bloggers through this post but please use the image below to find your way to some excellent posts.
1. Do you like pain?
I am not a masochist but some experiences with different people have made me realise that I get turned on by inflicting pain. At the request of the recipient of course.
The exception to this is a good spank while getting fucked doggy style.
2. Would you say you have a high or low tolerance for pain?
I have delivered two babies with no pain relief. They were not small babies. I have also been known to have dental treatment with minimal pain relief. So I would say my tolerance is fairly high
3. True or false: I like to receive pain during sex.
In certain situations with certain people.
4. Finish the sentence: I like inflicting pain during sex because . . .
Mostly because it is what the recipient likes and has requested. If that criteria is satisfied then I get a massive rush from the power. It is intense holding someone’s pleasure and pain experience in your hands, or teeth. It is sometimes more intimate than actual penis in vagina sex. JB and also used to enjoy the marks I left on him as they appeared in the days following our encounters.
5. What’s your preference? Why? (You must pick one)
a. Wearing nipple clamps for 8 hours
b. Receiving 20 minute spanking session using hands and paddle
c. Getting your your cock & balls smacked (only those who have testicles can pick this)
d. Heavy flogging
Ok so as I said. Not really into receiving but if I HAVE to choose I would choose b. Spanking is my go to.
Bonus: What is the best thing that a woman can do to you in bed?
I would regard myself as pansexual. I have enjoyed and been enjoyed by women. But if there is a cock around that needs attention…..
My experiences with women in bed have been mixed. Some very very good and some that are best forgotten. At this point in my life my best response would be; share her husband.
This post is part of TMI Tuesday. For more TMI goodness check out the blog here
I would recommend posts by Mr A
And The Pink Seam
This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt was “Out of Character”. I struggled to write something. Every idea seemed to sound dumb when I started writing. Then out of the blue this fell onto the screen. I hope you enjoy. Please make sure you visit the Wicked Wednesday site to read some other much more inciteful writing.
Life has a funny way of twisting things around on you. If I am asked about my ideal play mate I will respond as follows;
Taller than me, strong, mentally and physically, charming and a sense of humour. Above average penis size and one that takes the lead when playing.
I spend a lot of my life being the go to person. The one with all the answers. When I play I just want to be spoiled. I don’t consider it too much to ask. The universe disagrees with me.
Over the last six months I have been actively looking for a regular play friend. I don’t want a boyfriend or a romantic connection. I just want a fwb. It has been an interesting and often frustrating path. I use a swinger dating website. For simplicity I have chosen a single site. I don’t want to go into the ins and outs of my searching but I know I am not using the most efficient way so I can’t complain.
Getting back to the point of this ramble. What has fallen out of this search has been a man who is moderately charming, slightly taller than me with a decent sized penis and who is reasonably intelligent. Lots of boxes ticked.
At our initial meet we discussed who would be in charge. Or rather he expressed a desire to be controlled. I didn’t pick up the cue properly and gave my response about not wanting to be in a situation where I am making all the decisions. I liked this guy, he was kind of intense but I did sense that he was holding something back. Kind of waiting to see how things played out before he showed his hand. We ended that first drink meet in the back seat of a car in the carpark of the pub having short, sharp sex. It was fast and hot.
Our second meet was not ideal. My husband and I own a commercial building that is currently empty so we have set up a play space in one section. Not the perfect place but definitely cheaper than a hotel. We met there. He was on his way home from work on a Friday. In my mind it was going to be a long hot, heavy session. Again he stated he was at my disposal but I resisted and did not give specific instructions about what I wanted. For me the day had been long and emotionally arduous. I wanted someone to spoil me and give me an hour or two of sexual pleasure. I didn’t want to give detailed instructions. I also expected a guy who could either recover quickly or control himself to ensure he lasted.
I was very disappointed.
There was a time when I would have kicked him to the kerb. This kind of thing is not ok. For some reason the light slowly began to dawn in my thick brain. I realised that while he had been a little selfish I was also being a bit unfair. He said he was at my disposal, and like a stupid woman I didn’t make my desires clear. I should have asked for a massage and a good licking before sitting astride him. In the course of the follow up conversation he made a revelation. He is interested in being caged.
For play time only I think.
?
The reason for that initial feeling came forward. This guy has a kink or two. I am not particularly kinky. I have thought about CFNM stuff in my past. I have read about caging and it kind of turns me on. I don’t want to be the woman who makes a man wear a cage for weeks, or days on end. But when he is playing? Maybe.
If you had told me before I met Pet that I would be turned on by anally fisting a man I would have laughed in your face. But I did it and I was. Pet had to push me to be a weird kind of dominant to his very strong personality but we both got a lot out of it. Was it him “topping from the bottom” or me dominating him? I don’t know. I don’t care. I don’t really count myself as a true practitioner of BDSM. I just use their props and toys for my pleasure.
So it seems The IT guy, he has a blog name now, will become the next person in my journey who pushes me to express my wants and desires more clearly. While it may be hard and not what I thought I wanted it may well be something I need.
Recently through the swingers dating website I am using I met a man who reminded me a lot of Pet. I was very happy with this discovery and embarked on some on-line fun that was very pleasurable to us both.
I guess I was blinded a little by his attractiveness, interest in the same types of kinks and my own horniness and I didn’t look hard enough at his profile. It wasn’t until I was already fairly invested that it came out that he was married and doing all this without the consent of his partner…
I have blogged about this before. I don’t particularly care if a potential partner is married. I have been involved with married men before. I am a swinger, that is kind of what we do. But the difference between swinging and just fucking around is the honesty, the consent, the openness. Honesty between the people getting naked and also the honesty amongst the different relationships involved. If you aren’t telling your partner where you are going you aren’t being honest.
There are many, many people in this world who are not happy with the sex in their relationship. I have been one of them, at times. It is always a conundrum; Do I stay with this person who I love, and keep the ‘normal’ appearance for the sake of my children? It seems wrong to leave because I want different/ better/ more sex.
Newsflash! Firstly you are not saving the feelings of the one you love by staying with them and getting the trimmings on the side. You are delaying the inevitable. They will find out and they will be more hurt. They may or may not leave you because of the cheating. They may know and not let on, they may put their fingers in their ears and say “lalalalalala” but they will find out.
Secondly staying in a toxic or malfunctioning relationship because it will be better for your kids is an illusion. I teach teenagers, I see all kinds of fucked up in kids every day of my working life. Most of the fucked up I see is related to parents. How the hell do you expect your kids to become functioning adults if the example they are learning from, you, is in a marriage that doesn’t work properly?
In the past my reasoning for not being involved with cheating men has been a purely selfish one. I am not interested in sneaky short intervals in the back of a car while she is out for a few hours with her friends. I am not interested in getting requests like “hey she is out for a few hours, come over now” I have my own marriage and life to live. I need to make a plan and know it is going to come off.
I sympathise with men who can’t see how to achieve their fantasies and I am happy to hold their hand while they work it out. One of my oldest and dearest friends is a man who I met in these circumstances. He is still working it out but he is getting there. I am not going to be the other woman.
Just touching on the honesty again. I am honest I tell partners from the get go my situation. I tell my husband where I am going. This particular guy was not honest. He didn’t say he was married in his profile or in his opening conversations. He assumed I would pick up on the subtleties and ‘get it’. Nope I didn’t and now I feel like an idiot. Plus he put me in a position where I had to get out of a situation when I just wanted to keep going further in.
And so despite the disappointment in realising that the decadent sexiness I was looking forward to came with a price tag I was not prepared to pay, here I am wondering if there is an honest person in the world.
This last week has been slightly crazier than normal. Well I guess we are shooting towards the pointy end of the term when assignment drafts and then their offspring actual final copies of assignments start to journey from school to my home and then back again. Sometimes they get marked, sometimes their journey is pointless. Whatever the case their presence in my bag makes me feel better when I leave in the afternoon. Especially on a Friday.
This particular Friday I left work with a few drafts, some final assignments and various ideas about upcoming units for next term in my bag. But what was in my mind was the plan to go out and be sexy. Four days of routine stuff and dealing mostly with other people’s issues left me with a desire to be just plain slutty. To that end I spent Friday drinks messaging a prospective partner in my sluttiness while some of my younger, unmarried colleagues discussed Tinder and made ribald plans for their weekend. I am pretty sure they thought that in between my jibes about their casual sex that I was messaging my daughter or some such. I am certain that they had no idea of how my evening was going to unfold. In actual fact neither did I.
After observing my ‘work son’ messaging someone with a look on his face that plainly said “I am messaging a girl I hope to fuck tonight” I left, picked up my daughter from the train, went home, made risotto and prepared myself. Dressed in a little black dress that was short but not ridiculous and showed way too much cleavage I donned my favourite shoes grabbed my Bacardi and was escorted out the door by Mr Jones. 
Friday night at our local ‘club’ is single guys night. As has been the case the last few times we have visited on Friday there were definitely more sausages than buns. The quality of the offering can be a bit hit and miss but there is usually something to be had which will result in some fun.
I was in luck there was a young man, we played pool, we joked and then we proceeded to the downstairs lounge area where a serious ‘book club’ style conversation was in progress. Sometimes it is people talking about sex. This particular night I think the loungers were actually talking about television. Sad really but hey who am I to judge?
I was keen to check out what my new friend was packing. It has become one of those things that occupies my mind; “he seems nice, he looks sexy but what is in his pants?” I don’t demand a huge dick to fuck but I am not a fan of below average. So despite a bunch of people discussing football and other random stuff on the next couch zippers were unzipped and I inspected his package with my mouth. It didn’t make me gag but it did require effort to get my lips all the way down the shaft. Yes he would do.
Mr Jones loves to watch this unfold, he also loves the part that comes next. What he really loves is watching a cock inside me and seeing cum either on my body or inside me. In the interest of safety the ‘on me’ option is my go to. Something Mr Jones doesn’t like is full on play in public view. So despite some of our book club members realising there was something more interesting happening beside them we took ourselves off to a closed room where we proceeded to get naked.
I just want to say that my new friend had some skills in the pussy licking department and I found myself wishing I could let myself squirt as much as I wanted. He also hinted that he might be interested in/ good at licking my arse, something which I enjoy but not usually on a first fuck. Things progressed to the penetrative sex. I lay in Mr Jones arms with my legs in the air while he fucked me. It was very, very good. Exactly what I came For. His cock was the right size to make me do that thing where he accidentally slips out mid thrust and I squirt all over him. I realised that I am slightly addicted to that sensation in that once it happens I can’t stop myself from making it happen again. The owners of the club don’t like squirting all over their beds. It is messy and annoying to clean up. I try so hard to keep it under control but sometimes it slips out.
After s good shagging I turned my attention to Mr Jones. My new friend watched for a while as I rode my husband, loving the feeling of his cock inside me. I looked over and asked him what he would like. His response was not unexpected. What was unexpected was my response. I said yes to double penetration. Not that it was my first time. Just not something I usually consider with a guy I have just met.
It was better than I expected. Anal and I have a weird complicated relationship. Sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes it hurts like a motherfucker. Hence my reluctance to share it with new people. This was one of those enjoyable times. The feeling of fullness was amazing, as was the feeling of being sandwiched between two guys. I will never get tired of it. Ever.
The morning after I was still glowing. My arse was tingling and I was still wrapping my head around what had happened. A random pick up on a semi-spontaneous night out resulted in something that many people only ever fantasise about. I am not sure if my work son scored with the girl he was messaging. What I am sure about is that his sexual encounter was mundane compared to mine. It is always the quiet ones you have to keep an eye on.
Boxing Day is a public holiday that seems to be unique to Britain, Australia and possibly other parts of the British Commonwealth. The origins of the holiday are a little unclear but The Spruce gives some feasible explanations. In modern times it seems that Australians, and possibly Brits are really just celebrating their love of a public holiday. In Australia Boxing Day is marked by two great sporting traditions; The commencement of the Boxing Day test cricket match held at the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) and the commencement of the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race in Sydney Harbour. Both contests are marathon tests of skill and stamina with the Sydney to Hobart being responsible for the loss of more than one life even in recent times. For us mere mortals it is a time to recover from over indulging on Christmas Day or perhaps just a way to extend to celebrations for a little longer. Most people would agree that Boxing Day is much more relaxed and if we do attend a gathering it will most likely be with people we actually like instead of fulfilling family requirements and satisfying obligations.
Of course there is always time to enjoy some TMI goodness.
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yes. In the whole go to church, get together with the family and eat too much way. I am a practising Catholic so in some ways I take Christmas a little bit seriously. I know December 25 is not the day of Christ’s birth and I know that many of the Christmas traditions we observe are derived from Paganism but the essence of the day, the birth of a child that will change the world deserves some attention. If you are not a Christian then the idea of putting aside differences and taking time to be with people, somehow, also deserves some attention.
2. Tell us about your Christmas celebration.
In our family there is no specified format for Christmas. This year we, Mr Jones, Myself and our children have traveled to spend a few days with my parents at the Cattle Property in Central Queensland. We started the day with ham and pre birds for breakfast followed by unwrapping of presents. Followed by cold lunch on the verandah with my brother and his wife. The maximum temperature for the day was 37 degrees so the only thing I could have added was a swimming pool.
3. What season is it where you live?
It is most definitely summer with a vengeance. As I said in the previous response the maximum temperature yesterday was 37 degrees. In the morning I spoke with my brother who lives in southern New South Wales and they were experiencing a very chilly morning that required a jumper. My sister in law was adamant that this is not how Christmas should feel. I was reminded of this song.
4. It’s the end of the year, what are you still trying to accomplish before the end of the year?
Not really much. The main thing that is playing on my mind is continuing to reduce my weight and improve my fitness but that is more of a long term lifestyle thing.
5. Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve?
Mr Jones and I will be taking our yacht up the Brisbane River to weigh anchor and watch the fireworks off the Story Bridge. Some vanilla friends and our children will be joking us it should be a great relaxing night.
There was no bonus this week but in the spirit of one of my favourite TMIers Nero Speaks I have added my own
Bonus:What is on your ‘Fucket List’ for the coming year.
I have updated my Fucket List Page with a couple of items that are on the immediate horizon. I am hoping that The Englishman’s availability improves a little in the new year because he is cute and I have plans for him 😉
I hope you have enjoyed this rather rambling TMI make sure that you check out the other contributors at TMI Tuesday
As some of my colleagues and I shared a drink to celebrate the end of another week attempting to educate other people’s children the conversation turned to what everyone was planning for Valentine’s Day. A range of ideas were shared including simple nights in watching movies to potential dinner dates and movie dates to the heavily promoted “Fifty Shades of Grey”.
I have mixed feelings about this book/movie franchise. Reqding the first book didnt convince me it was a good idea to spend my hard earned cash or precious time on the second and third books. For me the book consisted of a string of unrealistic scenarios that titillated a little at first but became monotonous as time went on.
The thing that really got under my skin was how unrealistic everything was. I mean how many people out there have an earth shattering number of orgasms the first time we have sex? How many twenty year old virgins would even consider getting in to a relationship with someone as intense and demanding as Christian Grey, no matter how much money he had? I understand that the reason for the book’s popularity is the whole Mills and Boon style romantic fantasy. I also get that for most people this is the first book they have read that describes sex in graphic detail.Maybe that is why the books took off; not because they are good literature but because it is different.
As part of a promotion for the movie release a local radio station has this week been running a segment featuring a couple whose sex life has wandered away from regular lust filled nights to more mundane and less regular sessions. The deal was that the couple were to spend the week having sex every day, trying something that they hadn’t tried each time. Of course bondage featured as one of the ‘tasks’ the couple were required to complete but the whole focus was more on increasing the intimacy between them based on the alarming statistic that 70% of couples don’t feel there is enough intimacy in their relationship.
At the end of the week the sum up for the couple was that being forced in a way to complete the tasks and make the effort made a difference. This may come as a surprise to you all but I found many similarities between their situation and my own. Yes I am a sex goddess but I am also a full time teacher and a super mother. Sometimes the sex goddess is a role I only put on for other people in the same way that you clean your house for guests and put out the good china.
During this week I decided to take on board some of what the radio station guinea pigs were doing. I made sure I put priority on cuddles and doing the things I know Mr Jones likes. We talked about being more intimate and communicated our thoughts and ideas. I put in the sex goddess for him as well as my other fans. In the end it worked. The little rift that was opening up between us has closed nicely.In true superwoman style I was able to still cover all my other bases, including being a legendary sex goddess for Pet, and still rock the world with my husband. Somi have to agree with the line that was being promoted on the radio station, sometimes the excuses offered for a decrease in intimacy between couples are just that, excuses. If you make you relationship a priority those excuses fade away.
So where does all this fit into Fifty Shades? There are a lot of articles and blog posts that express different viewpoints about FSOG. Many of the ones I have come across are quite negative. My thoughts; There are issues with this book. It does stylise and romanticise bondage in a way that doesn’t help people who are genuinely curious, it does make the abuse of power in a relationship look romantic and desirable and it definitely presents a very inaccurate picture of the BDSM world. But there are positives about it. In a world obsessed with sex but full of people who don’t know how to go about making their relationships more satisfying at least it got some of us talking about sex. At the least it opened the mainstream public’s eyes to the possibility that there is something other than lights out missionary position, once a year sex. It is up to the community of enlightened people now to continue with the momentum and get more helpful, positive stories and information out there.
Corrupting Mrs Jones 