Somewhere back in January I remember thinking I was going to become blogger of the year in 2018. I was going to post regularly people would think I am hilarious and I would become famous all over the internet……
Oh no wait, that was my cat. Of course because the only that people want to look at is memes and pictures of animals.
So here I am on the verge of Easter holidays. Deep in the throes of marking assignments and exams hoping beyond hope that all my students are geniuses and that I can give them all As. (It isn’t until term 4 and I am looking down the barrel of Christmas holidays that I will have truly gotten to know them and be more realistic about the effort they are putting in and the consequent grade.
Life has been relatively boring. My sex life even more so. My world seems populated by men who are more than happy to have sex with me as much as I want as long as there is minimal effort on their part. I. Just. Want. To be. Seduced. Dare I say it; Christian Grey style. Although I would like to think I would be less insipid than Anastasia. I am also more than happy for him not to be quite so brooding or even that wealthy.
On the plus side I am seeing a Colombian. He is enthusiastic I will give him that. And he gives amazing head. I wish his English was better, or my Spanish. Either or. Maybe I should treat myself to a visit.
As a teacher and as a parent I have learned a few things about saying no. The first one is that when you say no you have to mean it. Saying “no” and then changing your mind when everyone protests just sends the message that no doesn’t mean no it means “try a little harder to convince me”.
The second thing I have learned about saying no is that you have to be prepared to back it up with a reason. Having a sound reason usually reduces the amount a student/ child will try to convince you that you really meant yes. Finally, in my experience, the people who try the hardest to change your mind are the ones who have learned from experience with other people that you can change someone’s mind. These students/ children are usually proficient at techniques that trigger an emotional response such as pouting, eye rolling, and making statements like “I was just trying to….”. These students are the hardest to deal with but getting them to see things your way is not impossible.
I posted recently about s conversation I had with a man I have enjoyed as a lover and his inability to u derstand and respect “no”. In my post I outlined my dealings with my ex lover and my very clear no. That, I thought, was that. How wrong I was. I received a couple of messages during the week about “accidental” messages automatically sent from social media apps like Snapchat and then whammo we are talking again. Well he is talking and asking me to video chat with him (he has been working in an extremely remote location over the Christmas Break). Of course I replied no. As I put my phone down I said to it “I am not going to fuck you.”
Of course he didn’t hear that, not that it would make any difference. The problem is even as I was saying the words a small part of me was protesting. He is attractive. He does have sex appeal and there were aspects of fucking him that I enjoyed. A tiny part of me almost believes that idea that it will be different if I give him another chance. Of course the rational part of me has to step in and firmly remind the positive, fantasy me of the frustration and dissapointment that is the most likely outcome if I give in.
Sometimes being the most responsible adult in the room is hard.
Recently I have joked to a couple of my chat friends that I am thinking about becoming celibate. They think the concept is hilarious. In their minds and probably in their fantasies I am still the sex goddess I was when they met me. I guess in some ways I am. In many others I am not.
The last couple of years have seen a lot of changes in my life. I think, finally, I have become a grownup. I have a real job; one where I have to be responsible all the time. I am currently the only person in my household that actually has a full time job so in some ways I am kind of the breadwinner. No not really, that would be too much grown up even for me. For the first time in a long time I am thinking about the future and the direction that I want to steer my life. Probably the most grown up thing a person can do.
What, I hear you ask, have either of those things got to do with not being a sex goddess? The answer is actually not very much. Other than my headspace is not constantly occupied with thoughts or plans for the next adventure. Something that was a key part of being a sex goddess. These days when people ask me about my fucket list my answer is; “Fucket list, oh yeh I remember what one of those is”
I just realised; another key indicator of being a grown up, I use semi colons in my writing. Or is that a side effect of being a teacher? I don’t know but it a bit freaky, here I am pouring my heart out to the void of the Internet and I am ticking off grammar and sentence structure in my head. I need a really good fuck.
So we were talking about fucket lists. I remember that I have often said I don’t like to have a specific list. But I guess that I kind of did. I kind of remember what was on it. Right now my fucket list consists of; have sex with my husband, have sex with Engineer X. Not necessarily in that order. Logistics seem to get in the way a lot these days. People think that having small children is a drag on your sex life. Those people really have no idea. Mainly because they are yet to experience having teenagers living with you. Small children don’t know, or care, if they walk in on you having sex. They are not scarred by the experience. What’s more they go to bed at a sensible hour meaning you can actually have pre sex on the couch before you start falling asleep. Teenagers don’t do that. They want to stay up and share their rubbish idea of what is good TV and make it awkward if you want to make sexy jokes with your husband. What’s worse is they don’t go to bed nice and early so that you can invite over some special people or when you get dressed to go out and meet said special people they ask all kinds of questions about where you are going.
Actually my teenagers have kind of got the hint that asking too many questions is not a good idea so I guess I have trained them to a certain extent but it is still awkward getting out the door some days. Mr Jones is much more concerned about that kind of thing that me. I feel more comfortable being relatively candid. He does not. So we land somewhere in between which is, by definition, awkward. I guess I just have to keep telling myself that it is only temporary. Not that I am expecting them to move out but I am definitely not going to sugar coat things for my eighteen year old children just to spare them some awkwardness. That is just creating a rod for your own back.
It seems I have worked through and dismissed my standard list of excuses for not being sexy enough so now I am left with a task; hang up my goddess cape or stop making excuses. My friends are right, hanging up the cape is a hilarious idea. Hilarious because it is so unlikely. And because I simply don’t want to. As much as Mr Jones is irritating me right now he is just going to have to get out his impressive junk and use it on me. Because a happy wife makes for a happy life and to be happier I need more sex in my life.
Thanks for listening Internet Void, you are the best therapist ever.
1. If you are on facebook, when was the last time you had to “unfriend” someone and why?
I am notorious for avoiding conflict. So “unfriending” is not something I generally do. When I first read this question I could not think of the last time that I did unfriend someone. However as I was writing I remembered the last time was when Pet and I went our separate ways. It was not an acrimonious ‘break up’ by any stretch. – He decided we were done, I said O.K and that was it. I was a bit bummed by the turn of events but we are grown ups and i decided that pursuing reasons and ‘closure’ was not worth the pain.
However I did decide that he didn’t need to be part of my Facebook world anymore. So he is no longer on my friends list.
2. What are you addicted to?
Hard question. I guess it depends on how you define addiction. In terms of a weakness that I find hard to resist it would be shoes. My last pair are my new favourites;
3. What are the first 3 things you do every morning?
Say good morning to Mr Jones, feed the bird, and get dressed. Not necessarily in that order. Often the bird comes first mainly because he is so loud.
4. How lucky are you and why?
- I have a fantastic husband and kids
- I live in a fantastic house and in a place with an almost perfect climate.
- I am lucky enough to have my cake and eat it.
5. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?
I am often embarrassed about of lots of things that I do and say. I can’t think of a thing that I have always wanted to try that I am specifically embarrassed about. One of the key things that I often find myself apologising for is wanting to try badass pole moves that involve pain and using an ‘armpit grip’. Things that look like this;
Absolutely yes. I am proud of the way I do my job and I believe that I put in everything for my students and that they benefit from it. I am proud of what I do on my pole. Most of all I am proud of my marriage. Together we have built a great lifestyle and family. We have established complete and habitual honesty which has made our relationship work so well.
Turn off the alarm and debate with myself about going back to sleep. Right now, in week 8 of a 10 week term I am almost at the point of counting the sleeps before the holidays start. The other crucial part of my getting up routine is cuddling the cat. Neither of us can function properly if we don’t have our morning cuddle.
2. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?
Have a snuggle with Mr Jones. Sometimes it turns into more but mostly it is just a cuddl a kiss and “good night”.
3. Are you a giver or taker?
Such a giver! Not just in bed but in everything. In bed I am definitely the one who is more likely to come away from an experience wondering what all the fuss was about. In fact reflecting back I think that was ultimately what caused my relationship with Pet to die. That and the fact he was/ is a very selfish person.
4. If you had to give yourself a new name, what would it be?
Esmeralda Amelia Jane. In a pinch though Gemma will do. It has served me well as an alias for many years now.
5. A world-famous chef asks you to make dinner, what would you make?
Absolutely no fucking idea. Probably lasagna because that is the meal that I am famous for, in my own little kitchen anyways.
Bonus: What’s the worst advice you ever received?
I must be a bit of a maverick because I can’t remember ever taking someone’s advice and regretting it. Either that or I have no friends that care enough to give advice to me.
Home:1. Your current home: House? Apartment? Trailer? Condo? Other?
I live in a fairly idyllic place. A four bedroom house on 1.5 acres. For an ex farm girl who finds herself living in the city it is a perfect fit. I don’t have to see the neighbours when I go into the back yard plus I get to keep poultry.
2. Which is bigger, your childhood home or your current home?
My childhood home was a farm house on 23, 000 acres. So in terms of land the childhood home was definitely bigger. The house was physically bigger but it was a bit higgeldy piggeldy so there was a lot of space that wasn’t used very well.
3. Which is better childhood home or current home? Why?
Both of them have their pros and cons. But I prefer my current home. Mainly because I am happier here than I was at my childhood home.
4. What was your favorite subject in school? (consider high school, college, grad school). Why was this your favorite subject?
Definitely microbiology. I found the whole concept of a world of organisms that are invisible to the naked eye fascinating.
5. Are you currently working in a field that you studied in college?
I am a science teacher which on the surface looks like I am working in the same field but in reality it is quite different. There are some aspects of the subjects I studied at university that are the same in this job but there are a plethora of other things that are not. Prior to starting this job I also completed a degree in education. I have to say that not very much of that degree really helped me get ready for the reality of teaching.
6. Describe your first job.
My first job was as a research assistant a C.S.I.R.O. Which is the Australian government funded scientific body. I was very much at the bottom of the ladder in this place and I did all of the jobs that were beneath the real scientists working there. My experiences there formed my opinions about the attitudes and work ethic of government workers and since that job I have avoided working in government funded positions.
7. What was your favorite job and why?
Prior to starting work as a teacher I managed a laboratory in a milk factory. Many of the staff there were awesome people. The factory was brand new and the company that built it was establishing its brand in a new area. This made the whole community of workers extremely tight. This changed as the factory grew but those first years were awesome.
Bonus: What haven’t we talked about in TMI Tuesday that you would like to discuss?
A couple of things; travelling and fantasies, sexual of course.
Make sure you hit up the TMI Tuesday page for more goodness
I have been off the radar for a couple of weeks. But as I was bumming around on the internet enjoying a celebratory Friday beverage I decided to check out this week’s TMI. The topic appealed to me and so here is a sleep deprived, Friday evening attempt at a sexual biography.
I was a late starter. I made entirely through high school without losing my virginity. This was probably due to a lack of opportunity rather than a lack of interest or a particularly strong desire to be virtuous. Looking back now with the wisdom of age and hindsight I think being a ‘brain’, as we referred to them, with coke bottle glasses and absolutely no social skills that was locked in a boarding school probably saved me from being ‘that girl’ that everyone talked about with apparent disdain but secret awe.
In a lot of ways I have been making up for it ever since. I am not the owner of a particularly high sex drive but I have always been open minded about sex and things sexual. This has led me to have some adventures that make a lot of Vanilla people’s eyes pop out. Especially when living as my alter ego, Gemma. The journey from 17 year old virgin to 42 year old part-time sex goddess has been long and involved a stop along the way to birth and refer to school age two children. For a couple of years I was a stay at home mum to school age children and a full time Sex Goddess. That was when my adventures peaked. Mostly in the form of meeting various men, some of them strangers, for adventures in change rooms, parks, at swinger’s parties and the like. I have ticked off many ‘standard’ fantasies; group sex (with as many as 20 people in the ‘group’), jelly wrestling (that was a bit weird), sex with multiple women, sex with multiple men, double penetration, blindfold sex, BDSM parties and sex with people that I never actually introduced myself to.
I have sold used underwear, been the recipient of ‘tribute photos’ with said underwear, tied up men, spanked men, fisted women and men, experienced double penetration both double vaginal and anal / vaginal, enjoyed more spit roasts than I can count and attended parties where I fucked every single person at the party, both male and female including my husband. I have laid on a bar and let everyone in the club eat cream and choloclate sauce off me and probably a bunch of stuff that has slipped my mind.
I love giving head and thanks to the attentions of Pet and another friend I have recently discovered the joys of rimming. At the moment my favourite things are; watching Mr Jones eat other men’s cum off me while he is fucking me, teasing Pet in any way that comes to mind, exploring the boundary between pleasure and pain (Pet’s pain my pleasure ) and giving head to random people in swinger’s clubs.
I could go on but I think I have well and truly exceeded the 250 word limit. I tend to use this blog as a bit of a confessional booth so if you stay tuned there is a good chance that I will be sharing stories of my exploits as they happen in the future.
As for the BONUS question: I haven’t frequented public transport much since I got my first car at age 21. So despite my varied exploits I have to say no. However now that I think about it I may have to add this to the Fucket list and give it a go at some time in the future.
Make sure you hop along to the TMI page and check out the other confessions… Erm I mean Biographies!
1. What did you have for breakfast?
Cornflakes, muslie, low fat youghurt and fresh paw paw (papaya). I really need to eat a good breakfast otherwise things don’t go well for the people around me. Having to deal with a classes of 12 to 14 year olds really requires good mental function and stamina. Not something you can achieve on an empty stomach.
2. What clothes did you put on?
Black trousers, long sleeved top and black boots. These knickers;
Much to the dissapointment of my students I chose not to wear my bright red fake Dr Martens.
3. What did you have for lunch?
Leftover chicken drumsticks and a ham, cheese and tomato sandwhich. I am trying to eliminate bread from my diet but it is proving a lot harder than I thought it would be.
4. What about dinner? What did you have? Who cooked it? Who did the dishes?
I had roast beef and gravy with boiled veg, corn on the cob, beans and home grown broccoli. I had a cook a thon on the weekend and cooked the roast then. Mr Jones put together the veg. I had an information evening at my son’s school and was late home. Normally I cook and he cleans. Last night he cooked and cleaned. He really is very helpful a lot of the time.
5. Did you, or are you going to, travel today? Where to? Car, bus, train or plane?
My travel consisted of the usual running around. Dropping kids at the bus, taking myself to work, picking said kids up and taking them to their after school function. I was living vicariously through Pet who was undertaking a three day road trip from the Sunshine Coast to Weipa which is a total distance of 2,400 km.
Mail? Who uses mail these days? The only actual mail I get is junk mail. Although I was preparing a pair of knickers to mail to someone. I haven’t actually put them in the envelope yet, does that count?
7. Did you send or get any interesting email?
I don’t check my personal email that often. Work wise an email was sent around regarding some proposed changes to scheduling for next year which has caused a huge amount of discussion.
8. Did you text or skype or use messenger, or other internet communications?
A couple of texts from Pet regarding his progress and a couple of Twitter messages regarding sale of knickers pretty standard stuff really.
9. Did you use the internet for sex, e.g. watch porn?
I actually don’t get a lot of down time in my day usually. With three other adults and two teenagers living in a four bedroom house the opportunity for that kind of privacy is extremely limited. I sometimes get more privacy at my desk in an open plan office than I do at home!!!!
Bonus: Did you get laid today?
See the answer to number 9. Combine that with the exhaustion that comes from being a super mother and a teacher of teenagers and sex is a luxury that is usually reserved for the weekend.
Not exactly posting on Tuesday but still good for a read.
As always head on over to the TMI site to read more TMI goodness.
1. When was the last time someone you were talking to crossed the boundary into TMI? How did you handle it?I was recently at a market stall looking at some clothing when the stall owner admired a pair of imitation Dr Martens I was wearing. When I told her that they were fakes her reply was to lean in and conspirationally say “just like my orgasms”. At 8am on Saturday morning that was a bit too much. I responded by telling her that if she had to fake then she needed to get a new partner to which she responded “I just got engaged, bit of a pain really”.
Some people just don’t know how to quit while they are ahead.
2. When was the last time you were talking and realized you had crossed into TMI? How did the other person react? What did you do next?
I am a champion at talking myself into trouble. Over time I have learned to filter the material my brain feeds to my mouth but sometimes during periods of sustained stress I have been known to have severe mouth – brain filter malfunction. A specatcular example of this was last year when I was having a conversation with a manager, at a school I was working at. I had recently completed my contract and was working in a relief capacity. I had been told in no uncertain terms that the chances of me getting a contract at the start of the next school year were quite slim. This manager thought she was being positive when she stated,
“It is a shame your contract didn’t get extended but at least you are getting some relief work,”
To which I replied,
“To be honest I would rather have a proper job,”
I didn’t hang around long enough to see what her reaction would be when she digested what I had just said but suffice to say things were quite awkward and I was VERY glad I wasn’t in the position of having to beg for relief work the following school year.
3. Which subject matter is mostly TMI to you, i.e. you don’t want to hear?
- Medical treatment or history
- Bodily functions
- Icky food
- Political opinions
- Other – Tell us
Bodily functions have the biggest ick factor for me. For some reason hearing about someone’s bowel habits is really just TMI!!!!!!!
I have to say no to this one. As a teacher I often find myself in a position the involves students divulging stories about their lives that really should not be shared in the public domain. I know a lot of teachers who have a story of a student sharing an experience with the whole class that would absolutely mortifying that particular students parents. It is really worth remembering that you cannot un-hear something once it has been said.
5. Do you enjoy swapping TMI tales–“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”
One of the questions I sometimes ask at clubs and parties as a conversation starter is “What is your deepest, darkest fantasy?” In those settings I truly believe that there isn’t much that would shock me or make me wish I hadn’t asked. I also love to hear what makes other people truly aroused. Information like this is what has made the sexual connection I have with Pet so intense. Sometimes though the people I am speaking with are still stuck in vanilla mode and I find their responses leave me a little cold. On the flip side of that my responses can leave the Vanilla people a little freaked out.
Bonus: How do you feel about Pope Francis embracing “climate change” climate science?
It totally floored me that I was reading this question in this forum less than two hours after I had been attending a workshop based on “Laudato Si”. In response to the question I think it is important to keep in mind that this encyclical which outlines the basis of Pope Francis’ environmental thinking includes a very strong message linking care for underprivileged with care for our world. I believe that his message is not just about reducing fossil fuel consumption but is more basic than that. I believe he is bringing into the modern world the message of St Francis of Assisi, whose name he has adopted, of living a simple life and caring for those in our world who don’t have the capacity to care for themselves entirely. This includes “Our sister Mother Earth“, animals and the underprivileged of our world.
I am guessing it must be tax time in The United States as this is the topic of this week’s TMI. Not a particularly sexy topic but them’s the breaks.
I would encourage you to have a look at some of the other contributions this week as I am sure that they will be much more interesting than mine!
1. Are taxes levied where you live?
Absolutely. Australia has one of the highest levels of taxation in the world. The average Australian pays about 30% of their income directly as tax as well as a large range of other indirect taxes including Goods and Services Tax which is 10% of the price of all non-essential foods and services retailed here. So it would not be unreasonable to estimate that between 40 and 50% of our income is paid out in some form of tax.
For this astronomical amount of money we are privileged to have fully publicly funded health and education systems and a social welfare system that is more extensive than many other first world countries. No doubt much of our hard earned money gets wasted on beaurocracy but “such is life”
2. Do you pay your taxes?
Income tax in Australia is deducted directly from most people’s income by their employer before it is paid to them so a regular person who works for a company is generally unable to avoid paying that portion of their tax. Goods and Services tax is levied at the checkout and so again is unavoidable.
Of course there are ways to avoid paying income tax especially if you are self employed or a portion of your income is raised from investments but these are usually the domain of more wealthy people such as Kerry Packer
3. This year will you owe taxes or do you expect a refund?
Sadly I will not be receiving a refund. Most employers are careful only to deduct the necessary amount of tax required. In addition our family investments mean that I usually owe the Australian Taxation Office a certain amount of money.
4. Have you already filed your taxes?
Our financial / taxation year ends on 30 June. So we don’t have to lodge our tax return for a few months yet.
5. You are getting a tax refund, which ONE of these would you most likely do with the money?
a. pay off credit cards
b. contribute to retirement savings
c. go on vacation
d. shop for something (car, clothes, household items, etc)
As a rule we don’t plan for windfalls like tax returns and so any money that come from such things just gets put into the general slush fund. I guess you could call it saving for retirement.
6. Sometimes you just need to be frivolous, and if you get a windfall from a tax refund, which of ONE of these things would you most likely do? Why?
a. have a big party
b. loan it to family or a friend
c. spend a weekend at an adults-only erotic resort
d. gamble (Lottery tickets, casino)
Of course spend it at an adults – only erotic resort. It is an experience that I have yet to have but it is definitely on my fucket list.
Bonus: If you could be a circus performer, which act would you be? (I know, soooo random!)
You are right, very random. I guess given my real life past time of pole dancing I would be some kind of acrobatic performer maybe flying trapeze. On the other hand I think and elephant trainer would also be a pretty cool thing to be.