Money, Money, Money

Image by Goumbik from Pixabay

1. What is the most expensive thing you have purchased that was not worth the price?

I bought a pair of shoes last week. I still am not in the habit of doing regular land based things so I didn’t check the price before deciding to buy them. Not sure what was happening there but when the sales assistant rang up the price it was higher than I would have considered reasonable at the time. I didn’t have the brain space to argue so I just paid and walked out the shop. They are leather shoes and I will wear them a lot so I am just telling myself that is enough to justify the price.

2. Has money ever ruined a relationship for you?

Not really. Money is something that I use and I am relatively careful with but it isn’t something that drives life decisions for me. I haven’t had a relationship that was dictated by money issues ever so I guess I am lucky.

3. What is a cheap thing you own that just makes you SO happy?

The cardigan I am wearing as I type this. I got it from the sale rack. It was damaged but it is so soft and cuddly. I love wearing it.

4. What is the most toxic quality about you?

I have inherited some of my mother’s passive aggressive tendencies. I am relatively skilled at inducing guilt in the people who care about me. I am super conscious about not turning into her so I try really hard but it slips out sometimes.

5. Why do you not like to talk about money?

Because for many people seeing someone with something they don’t have but think they want causes them to be jealous and negative. I don’t want to be judged or thought of as a snob.

When we purchased our yacht the question a lot of my teacher friends asked was “How much did it cost?” I could hear the unspoken question of “How did you afford that?” as they asked. I never told anyone how much it was. My standard response was “Enough”. Most people were happy to leave it at that. I didn’t want to advertise to my colleagues that I work primarily for reasons other than to pay my bills.

Bonus: What is the craziest thing you have done for love?

Bought a boat that cost the same as a house, took unpaid leave from my job and spent six months sailing the Queensland coast. I got a lot out of it and it changed me for life but ultimately this voyage was about me compromising with Mr Jones.

Relaxing In To It

As I write this I am still wondering at the concept that we have only been on this journey for a week. It almost feels like we have been doing this always. In the weeks leading up to our departure I worried about missing my pets. One week in and I was scrolling through photos on my phone and I saw a picture of my bird. I was like “yes, I remember him”.

Part of the reason I think I am feeling this way is the weekend we just spent with some good friends who travelled to meet us where we are staying for a little while. For two days clothing was optional, alcohol was consumed when and as much or as little as desired, and there was no guard on what we said or did. It wasn’t an orgy but that didn’t matter. We were free.

I had a moment of realisation at one point that for the next 20 weeks I will not have to guard the division between Gemma and Mrs Jones as carefully. For this time instead of 80% Mrs Jones and 20% Gemma I will be 80% Gemma and 20% Mrs Jones. Worrying what the neighbours think will be a secondary issue.

Being in a space where you are yourself and there is no judgement is very liberating. It is something that can be difficult to achieve. It is also something that can be hard to accept. For too long most of us have to be careful of what we say and do. Especially those of us who like to do things other people consider to be morally questionable. For us finding a place where we can be in the bubble of complete acceptance is rare.

I find myself frequently telling people I am the most fortunate person. Currently I am living the dream. Many people that I speak to are envious of our opportunity. They wish they could be like us; on this journey. I am acutely aware of how privileged I am. How fortunate I am that I can afford to buy this yacht, how fortunate I am that I can afford to take this much leave from work, how fortunate I am that I can leave my children to fend for themselves for this time. The list goes on and on. This weekend added another element to my good fortune.

I am living in a marriage with a person who gets great joy from seeing me be sexually fulfilled. Not only that, I have friends who think the same way and accept me for me. In fact, if they are to be believed they actually think I am cool and sexy. A goddess if you please. If there was a utopia I believe I went there last weekend. The comedown was not as harsh as it could have been. Although I feel that for our friends it may have been a little worse because they all had to return to work on Monday. I merely took my yacht a little further up the coast to find another idyllic beach….

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday. To see who else is being wicked click on the button below.

Wicked Wednesday

My Awesome Husband

When you have small children it can feel like you have no privacy. Your children permeate every part of your life. Sometimes it feels as if you have no time to yourself, even to have a shower or go to the toilet. Sex feels as if it will never be the same. Even after the children are in bed you always have an ear out listening for signs of issues. It becomes subconscious.

I used to think that once my children were adults my sex life would be my own again. That I would be able to walk around my house naked when it suited me and have sex when and how I wanted.

How wrong was I?

Mr Jones and I have been swinging for over ten years. When we first started swinging our children were small. For the most part they went to bed early and 99% of the time they stayed there. Occasionally they didn’t. We would sometimes entertain guests. When they arrived we would have dinner and everything would be very vanilla. Until the children went to bed.

99% of the time things were very sexy. Very occasionally we would be interrupted by a child but those occasions were very rare. As is the case most of the time they didn’t really understand what they saw and there was no harm. As the years went by things changed. The kids didn’t go to bed so early, they were more aware of what was going on. Things became more complicated. For several years we became less active. Not because of the way the children were changing. Or perhaps it was part of it.

These days we live with a 20 year old and an 18 year old and two 85 year olds. Sex is definitely something everyone is aware of. There is definitely no sex on the couch, or the kitchen bench or anywhere outside of the bedroom. Nudity is limited and having play visits is pretty much out of the question. When Pet and I were dating we solved the problem by hiring hotel rooms for the night. But this becomes expensive and a little awkward.

Mr Jones is an ingenious person. He has come up with a solution to this situation that does not involve regular visits to hotels. In the loft of a building that we own he has build a hideaway. We are fortunate in two ways. Firstly that we own a building that has some spare space. The bulk of the building is taken up by a tenant for his business. But at the back on a mezzanine floor is a space that used to be used to store his and our junk.

A couple of weekends of dirty hot work and some trips to the tip later and there was some sense of reasonableness happening. Then my husband worked his magic. Now there are walls, a door and furniture. All of it courtesy of Mr Jones! It truly is extraordinary! What is even more extraordinary is that it is mostly for my benefit. While Mr Jones is part of some of the sessions I have these days he is less active than me. To date he has only visited with me once.

So now I have a secret sex lair. Let the fun times begin!

Am I Kinky?

The current 4 Thoughts or Fiction prompt is Kink vs Fetish. According to Scottish Lass at Sex and Spanx;

Kinks are defined as something sexually non-conventional whereas a fetish is the sexual gratification gained from an object, piece of clothing or a body part.

So to the question posed in the title. Am I kinky? According to the definition given the answer is yes. I am definitely living a non-conventional sexual lifestyle. Actively seeking sexual partners outside my primary relationship is definitely not a lot of people’s cup of tea.

I know many people would not even consider my lifestyle as moral or for them. But I also know that there are those who are very very curious, even if they are equally as hesitant. I also know that a proportion of the people who reject the non-monogamous lifestyle at first bite would possibly go back for a second look if they had further information or experiences.

In my opinion, for what it is worth, I don’t see swinging or seeing other partners outside the relationship as cheating or kinky. It is more along the lines of Free Love as described by The Hoodoogurus

The other side of the prompt is about fetish. I have read definitions of fetish that state that a person with a true fetish cannot gain sexual gratification without the object or body part being present. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that one cannot include genitals as a body part here. Because really that is kind of a key part of sexual gratification.

Using this definition I don’t have a fetish. I can achieve sexual gratification without a specific set of circumstances or a particular object being present. But are there items that I find very stimulating? The answer to that is yes. I have blogged about being very turned on by seeing a man wearing my underwear. I have been looking recently at the images posted by A Man Called Alice and even though he is not wearing MY underwear he looks as hot as hell. So I am thinking that my “fetish” is expanding; or at least is bigger than I thought.

When Pet and I were dating I had quite a large collection of underwear that rotated through my wardrobe. Several pairs ended up in his possession while a few others found their way to various men who contacted me. Over time I have not replenished and lost contact with men who were interested in that kind of thing. Consequently my underwear collection today is quite small. Part of me likes that. I have become a firm believer in having less stuff in my house and countless pairs of underwear that I don’t wear regularly seem to be superfluous.

And then I find myself looking at lingerie online and wishing I did have more lacy things…. It is a constant pull and push. Although I think I may need to invest in some new underwear. My current collection is sad and doesn’t warrant posting sexy pics which I enjoy doing.

Given that my birthday is tomorrow I think I may treat myself to some new knickers. That may or may not find their way onto another man’s bottom.

This post is part of 4Thought or Fiction Prompt #158 Kink vs Fetish. I have linked to some of the participating bloggers through this post but please use the image below to find your way to some excellent posts.