It has been documented that my sessions with Johnny are wet, sexy, loud and involve a multitude of orgasms of many different types. The word he uses to describe it is “ridiculous”. Not in a negative way but in the completely unbelievable, surreal way. Johnny is a man of experience. He likes to fuck, he is exceptionally good at it and he is in demand. I count myself as being very fortunate to be on his VIP list.
One of the things that keeps Johnny coming back is the “ridiculousness” which he says is unusual. I know that many women struggle to orgasm. With Johnny I get into a zone where I sometimes can’t stop. There have been times in my past when I was the woman who struggled to orgasm. I was unsure of my own sexiness and not confident enough to express what I want.
At those times I took what was offered to me and I dealt with it. I tolerated bad sex and fumbling and discomfort because I wanted to please people and make everyone around me happy. I never really faked an orgasm but I maybe enhanced my vocal appreciation a little and I often didn’t let on when things weren’t right.
Over time and with age and experience I learned to value myself more. I learned that my pleasure and on a more basic level, comfort, is just as important as everyone else’s. I learned that the only way to combat bad sex is to call it what it is, bad sex. The only way a man, or woman, is going to know what is working for me is by me telling them. I had a responsibility to know what works for me and that is a separate journey. The most critical part of this equation for me is accepting that I am enough, by myself. I don’t need to accommodate lazy or selfish lovers just so I can have a companion.
This last part is hard. It is hard to be confident enough in yourself to know that you will be OK alone. But knowing that means you are confident enough to set a high standard for the people you accept into your life. It means you are confident enough to let someone know when they are not pushing your buttons. It means you are confident enough to let people in who do push your buttons and suddenly the door to ridiculous opens.
Ridiculous happens when you are relaxed and open to what is happening around you. When you have ensured that the right people are in the room and you can relax and enjoy yourself. When you are not worrying about making someone else happy or making allowances and telling yourself that it doesn’t matter that they aren’t getting it quite right you can’t truly be in the moment. For ridiculous to happen you have to be in the moment. Completely absorbed in the interaction between the people in the room with you, completely relaxed and open to the possibilities.
You have to be confident.
This post is part of 4 Thoughts or Fiction prompt #153. Use the link below to find more thoughts and stories about confidence.