Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 10

What do you want more of in your sex life?

The honest answer, not much really. I have almost everything a girl could possibly want. The only thing that would possibly tick a different box is a dominant play friend.

Mr Jones is not entirely keen on this idea. He says that a man who is capable of dominating me is probably not a very nice person and therefore he wouldn’t be happy with me seeing him. He does have a point. I don’t take well to someone restraining me or denying me something I have decided I want. Particularly when it comes to sex. In my professional life I have a reputation for being tolerant and patient with difficult people. In my sex life I don’t have time for that shit. I want what I want and I want it NOW. If you say no to me then I will go find it somewhere else.

So even though I fantasise about a man strong enough to make me wait. I haven’t actually done a lot about finding him. Mostly because I don’t want to sort through the idiots on adult dating websites who call themselves Dominant. The majority of these are there to massage their own egos. I definitely don’t want that.

My recent experience with The Second Mate did take me down that path. He was not beyond pushing me to do things his way and making me wait upon his pleasure. I would very much have liked more time with him to see where things would have ended up but sadly it was not to be. I don’t think it will be easy to find someone like that again.

And so I fantasise some more. But I am not about to spend a lot of time looking. The right person will come along at the right time.

Wicked Wednesday

Morning Glory

I am a morning sex person. There is something about the freshness of morning that makes sex natural free and unencumbered before the events of the day create baggage.

I woke up and spooned Mr Jones for a while as my hand wrapped around his cock. While he wasn’t entirely hard he soon was. Then he was awake. We fucked for a while and then I decided to get out of bed. Not before he asked me to lie on his chest.

Not a bad view to wake up to.

Find out who else is sinning. Click on the lips!

Sinful Sunday

The Red Pill for Women

I blogged recently about Red pill versus blue pill thinking from a male perspective. Or rather a woman’s ideas about a man changing from a blue pill to a red pill thinker. I have also explained my thoughts about the biology of female attraction to Alpha males as opposed to their entrapment of betas. It would be generalising to say that all men who are Alphas are red pill men and all betas are blue pill but the similarities are there. All this is awesome but can a woman “Choose the Red pill”?

I think the answer is yes. There are women out there who are stronger and more dominant than others. I am not talking about the Karens of the world here. I am talking about the women who command respect through achievement and integrity, not through being the one who will complain to the manager or is the queen bee of her friendship group.

How not to be a 'Karen' - ABC Everyday

Several years ago, I was part of a group of mothers who all had children in the same year level at the primary school that The Unicorn attended with her brother. We celebrated several girls’ nights. Which were essentially shared meals at a local pub where alcohol was consumed, and gossip swapped. At the time I was blogging, and I had just started studying Education. I was a bit more relaxed about hiding my lifestyle and several of these women knew about my writing, if not the more sordid details of my ‘after dark’ persona.

The conversations on these evenings were varied and often controversial. Something I found amusing. When it came to sex there was not a “type” among us. One member of the group would be what many would call prudish. Sex was not her thing, porn was confusing to her and her knowledge of the female body, including her own, was limited. She found our different ideas and experiences interesting but still maintained sex was not for her. Perhaps she was asexual? Another member of the group fell into the more common stereotype. That is, she complained about how her husband “harassed her” for sex. Interestingly there was another woman who complained about the exact opposite.

There is a train of thought that suggests that all of us should have been entering our sexual prime. We were still young, fit, and healthy. Our children had started school and the constant grind of dealing with small children was lessening. We no longer had to micromanage every moment of the lives of small beings and our partners were more than capable of stepping up. Clearly because we were out together completely free of children and husbands and the need to think about what was for dinner or if everyone ate it. This was our time.

A woman who was strong could take that opportunity to become a Red pill woman. In the movie that spawned the Red vs blue ideal, The Matrix; the female lead, Trinity, is the epitome of a Red Pill woman. She is a true badass and can look after herself. She is not afraid to tell men to go fuck themselves when they are not strong enough for her taste. Additionally, she has and amazing wardrobe! Our culture supresses women like this. We fill little girl’s heads with Disney stories that all revolve around women seeking their prince charming and finding their forever love. Even more modern versions of Disney Princesses such as Rapunzel and Elsa still have a love interest as a primary goal. Despite all of the hype that they were pioneers, breaking the Disney mould.

The Matrix Reloaded | Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss)

But amongst our little group there were women who were still playing the victim. Complaining about how demanding their husbands are or how weak they are. It is a trap that is easy to fall into, sitting with a group of women making fun of the men in the world. Laughing at how stupid, inept and generally disappointing they are. A woman who was my hairdresser for many years would complain how her husband never let his sons take dance classes “because it was gay!” (not going to touch that topic as offensive as it is). Her complaint was that he was turning his sons into the kind of men who sat around got drunk and said and did stupid stuff. Not a desirable feature I will admit but the irony of this situation is that her husband WAS that guy and SHE married him.

Choosing the red pill is not about totally opposing everything in your life that you don’t like. It is not about trying to change other people; that is impossible. It is about changing yourself. It is about making yourself happy. Women are notorious for not asking directly for what they want or worse, downplaying the importance of what they want, and then complaining when they don’t get what they want. Even something as simple as saying “no” when they are approached by a man is out of some women’s capabilities. We deflect and make excuses and then complain when he doesn’t get the hint.

For women choosing the Red pill is about owning what you want. A Red pill woman doesn’t make excuses. She says no, and she doesn’t take other people’s crap. When she is asked, she will tell you what she wants and if you aren’t up to it she will also tell you. Red pill women don’t complain about their appearance or their bodies. They are proud. So, what if I am curvy? I like cake and curves are sexy. If there is something I want to change then I will change it in my own time, in my own way. So what if you don’t like something about me? Your ideas about me are actually none of my business.

Changing or maintaining your thinking is difficult. It takes work. It often requires you to cut ties with people who are firmly entrenched in the negative, blue pill, way. Sometimes you have to physically avoid certain situations so you don’t get sucked in to that hole. But at the end of the day it is definitely worth it.

Education?

I would like to preface this post by paying my respects to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Elders, past and present. I acknowledge the deep understanding of country held by the First Nations peoples of Australia and I am committed to working with them for a brighter future for my country.

Aboriginal Flags

When I was completing my teaching degree I remember a discussion about the difference between the terms syllabus and curriculum. According to my lecturer syllabus is the content that is delivered in a classroom. Be it Mathematics, Science, English, whatever. The curriculum is a more general term that refers to the collective things taught at a particular place of learning. This idea can be stretched to include things that are NOT on the syllabus such as how to behave, ways of treating each other, dealing with the system that is our world, etc.

I read a post by Mike at Marriage, Sex and More discussing the idea of teaching about marriage in schools. Mike had heard a podcaster indicating that it would be a good idea to introduce a class on marriage into schools. My first reaction to this idea is one shared by a lot of my colleagues “Really! Let’s just try and fit another life skill into the classroom.” I want to say that I fully support Mike’s rejection of this idea. In this modern world it seems that schools are expected to cover a lot of material that should be covered at home because parents are either incapable of or too lazy to parent their children properly.

In a previous post I described Steve Biddulph’s idea that we subliminally learn about parenting as we grow up. These lessons are not taught directly, they are lessons learned through watching someone over a long period of time and in line with other things that are happening. The teacher is unaware that they are teaching. The learner is unaware that they are learning but in the sponge that is a child’s brain, lessons are being implanted about how to speak to your children, what to do when your child is naughty, how to mould behavior.

The same subliminal process happens with relationships. The child’s sponge brain absorbs how spouses interact. If a woman treats her husband with contempt her daughters are likely to grow up and do the same thing. Of course as I explained, we can identify the behaviors we don’t like and consciously change them. We are not cookie cutter images of our parents. As we grow up other influences come in to play, parents of friends, relatives, other close friends, our ultimate spouses but the first influence of our parents can be hard to shake.

What does this have to do with the classroom? Well learning is not a linear process. We like to think that the education system is linear and like a factory. Put kid in at age 4 – 5 (depending on the country etc), go through a series of steps (various classes), and at the end we spit out an educated fully functioning adult. There are any number of anecdotal and more academic studies that show this is really NOT the way it works despite the billions of dollars spent on and worldwide adoption of this way of educating.

Anyone who has spent time with any Indigenous Elder discussing their culture will know that indigenous elders teach their young people by demonstration and talking. During 2020 and 2019 I had several opportunities to spend a few days with two different elders, a Bundjalung man and a Mununjali man. Both men have extensive knowledge about plants, stories, way of life, and respect for country. Both teach the same way; walking through the bush and discussing what comes along. Or sitting in a yarning circle and discussing whatever comes up.

Neither goes into a situation with a learning intention or a specific set of points to discuss and tick off. Both will talk about topics multiple times in multiple ways as they come across them in their daily activities. As I walked and yarned with these men I could see how generations of First Nations people were taught about their culture, the landscape they lived in, and how to care for it. I could see how this way of learning is gentle, but strong and effective.

This is the way humans learn to live, not in a classroom. Classrooms are for abstract, thought based things like Science, Mathematics and Literature. They can be adapted to teach specific skills like how to bake a cake or how to build a chair but they CANNOT be used to teach life skills like how to discuss money issues with your spouse or how to know a particular person is going to be a good life partner. These things can only be taught over time and with repetition, space to make real life errors and guidance when these early errors happen. This type of learning can only happen with a person who is constantly there, like a parent. Not a teacher who, at best, will be in close contact with a student for a couple of years.

First Nations people defer to Elders as the ‘Educational Authority’. One doesn’t become an Elder by reaching a certain age. They achieve this status by demonstrating an understanding of culture and a level of maturity that befits the status. In western society, probably as a result of our education system, we have lost this concept. Adulthood is conferred on us when we reach a specific age regardless of our maturity. We can have children when our bodies are ready, not when our souls and minds are. We can, and often do, educate our children while we are still children ourselves.

Perhaps the solution to the decline in life skills is not just shoving another class into the syllabus but changing our perspective on who is a good person to deliver the curriculum.

Picture
Source; Their Way of Life

Saturday Sex Interview – Favourites

This is the third in a series of “Sex Interviews” based on questions posted by a fellow blogger who has taken a hiatus for a while.

Question 1: Describe the physical characteristics you prefer. No lover is likely to be perfect, but describe your ideal lover’s body:

• Body (height / build / skin tone / hair & eye color / other): Tall, broad, strong, bald, hairy is OK I don’t have a preference for skin tone. I love a man who is strong and able to manhandle me.

• Genitalia (sizes / characteristics / grooming / other): A cock has to be in proportion. I am not a size queen but I like my mouth to be very full. He has to hit my gag point when I take him into my mouth. As long as it is clean I am not worried about hair but I am sensitive to smell and sometimes guys; pubic hair can be funky.

Question 2: Favorite position:

This is going to sound boring I know but I like to ride a guy. Sitting up and looking into his face while I pleasure him is amazing. I know all you dirty fuckers thought I was going to say some weird erotic thing like “reverse cowgirl with a twist”

One position I would like to try is pegging a guy while looking into his face.

Question 3: Favorite music to make love two? (list up to 3)

Honestly I don’t play music while fucking. I just never have. Not sure why it just isn’t something that I do. Sometimes when I visit a lover he puts on some kind of background music but it is usually inconsequential.

When I was seeing The Colombian he was living in a kind of boarding house for young people who had come to Australia as students or backpackers. He used to play this Colombian heavy metal kind of stuff. I couldn’t understand the lyrics and had never heard the music before. Sometimes it was kind of annoying but I am sure the reason he played it was to drown out the sound of what we were doing.

Question 4: Do you prefer lights on or off and why?

I like some light. I like to see what I am doing mostly. Glaring fluorescents are not the way to go but some good mood lighting is optimal. That way I can see his body and his face. I like to see the reaction on his face to what I am doing.

Question 5: What is your favorite location to have sex? (bed, chair, couch, floor, shower, car, porch, pool, Jacuzzi, rooftop, etc.) Feel free to list top two if you can’t decide.

Bed is always good. But of course it is a given.

I am also a fan of the great outdoors. Mr Jones and I have had some great sexual encounters on beaches and on park benches.

Question 6: What if you favorite place on your body to be touched other than your genitals?

I like to have my stomach stroked. It is guaranteed to get things happening if I am not quite in the mood. I am also a fan of my hair being pulled gently at first but harder as things warm up.

Question 7: Do you prefer that a lover make a lot of noise or that they are silent? (or describe what sounds you prefer they make)

Sex sounds are a strange thing. Out of context they can be a little disturbing. The same as sex faces really. Different sounds can sometimes take a bit of getting used to but I definitely prefer some noise.

I am noisy, (the reason for the weird Colombian heavy metal). But I also get really turned on by the sound of a man cumming. When JB came in my mouth for the first time I recorded it for him as a memory, it was the first time he ever came in anyone’s mouth. I still have that recording, not for the visual but for the sound of him cumming. I have listened to that soundtrack a ridiculous number of times. It never fails to get me going.

Question 8: What time of day do you prefer?

I am a morning girl. I most definitely like to wake up with sex. Mr Jones is more of an evening kind of guy. Which means a lot of compromise has to happen.

Question 9: Do you prefer it hard or gentle? (granted this may change depending on your mood, but which do you more often prefer?)

It is a hard decision for me. Johnny is the gentle type and he is sexy as fuck. I feel that he could flip easily but he refuses to. Maybe that is what gives him that edge. He is gentle and respectful but I can feel his power and it really gets me going.

Question 10: How often would you prefer to have sex?

Over our marriage frequency of sex has been a dominating topic. Early in our marriage in the thick of babies, toddlers, night feeds and juggling motherhood and career, sex was not a priority for me. Mr Jones felt rejected and I felt pressured to up my game. We had many conversations about how long it had been since we had sex, how good the sex was and he often questioned if I really wanted him.

These days the shoe is on the other foot. I would like to say I have made my peace with it but I am not there yet. I worked hard during those early years to not go down the path I saw my mother on. Prudish and “lights off, once a year on your birthday, missionary position” sex. I don’t want to be that wife who always has a headache. I also don’t want to be that wife who complains to her friends that her husband isn’t interested in sex. Right now I could easily become the second.

I think I could fill pages and pages with my twisted mind stuff on this topic. To answer the question though… One good session once per week would be good for me.

How Can I Get My Wife To….

I saw a post on Twitter recently from a man who is interested in the nudist lifestyle asking how he can convince his wife to join him at a nudist event. I have heard this question asked in the same way but exchanging the concept of nudism and swinging.

“How can I convince my wife to try swinging? I know she would enjoy it if she would just give it a go.”

I have no answer for this. The nurturing part of me wants to be all encouraging and supportive and talk about encouraging her to try slightly different things. But the response to the above tweet resounded very strongly with me. In essence the respondent said “It is her choice. She is the only one who can decide what she wants.”

When it comes to trying swinging I would say the same thing. It is her choice. If she doesn’t want to do something, who are you to pressure her into something she doesn’t want to do? I find it hard to understand why people get so fixated on convincing their partner to try something they are fundamentally opposed to. Or something they have made very clear they are not comfortable with.

The cynic in me looks at this situation and sees a very selfish person. I see a person who has a fantasy and has decided they can’t live without it despite what their partner wants. They have convinced themselves that they are right and that their wife will enjoy it if she just gives it a try. It seems that these men are not really thinking with their “big brain” but rather with their penis that wants to experience swinging. I would not speculate on their reasons for wanting to explore this fantasy but the cynic in me feels that his reasons are not about seeing his wife have a great time at the hands of multiple other men but rather about his own pleasure.

I have been in the lifestyle for long enough to know that every relationship is different and every situation has nuances that cannot be seen from observation of a few tweets or even in depth conversations. There are at least three sides to every story. One for each of the parties involved and then the actual events. I have also been in the lifestyle long enough that only those with rock solid relationships that are built on solid communication and mutual respect have a good, long lived experience.

My experience tells me that if these men were able to convince their wife to “give it a go” it is unlikely that things will turn out they way they expect. Their wife may very well enjoy the experience but what if they don’t? What if she enjoys it so much that she is completely hooked and will never go back to monogamy but you wish that you had never opened Pandora’s box? Or worse, what if she realises that she has been missing out all this time and then you become like many men in the swing scene, sitting in the corner at the beck and call of the women in the room?

There is a saying, “You should be careful what you wish for. You might end up getting your wish.”

I think that should be the standard response to this question. Wishing for something your partner is not interested in is counter productive. When you find yourself in this situation you really have two choices;

1. Accept her decision, respect it and get on with your life and your marriage.

2. Accept her decision and continue to pursue your fantasy, either by ending the relationship or behind her back. Either way your relationship is doomed. Even if you do wear her down and she agrees it is unlikely to end well. If you cheat she will find out and things will not end well. Ultimately you have to accept and respect her decision.

TMI Tuesday – Now We See it

1. What’s invisible but you wish you could see?

Sometimes when I am meeting people or interacting with people I don’t know very well I wish I could see what they are really thinking underneath all the politeness. I wish I could see their true intent and what they really think.

2. Would you rather watch your neighbor(s) having sex while you are in the same room or anonymously watch your parents having sex?

This is a hard one. When I was a young teenager I was unfortunate enough to be present in the room while my parents were having sex. For some reason they thought it was a good idea to have sex while sharing a room with their teenage daughter. Even if they mistakenly thought I was asleep. It was not a pleasant experience.

Currently my neighbours consist of an octogenarian and his wife and someone who I have no desire to see naked. It is a conundrum as neither seems worse than the other. But seeing as I have already experienced one I think I pass the test.

3. For what are you nostalgic?

I am very much a forward looking person. There is also much in my past that I would rather not live through again. but I think I am a little bit nostalgic for my mid thirties. I was much slimmer, a lot fitter and I was in the thick of things. It was also a time in my life when I was essentially a stay at home parent but my children were at school so I had a lot of time to myself.

4. What is an unwritten rule where you work?

It is an unwritten rule that students are not allowed in the staff room. It is one of those barriers that both staff and students are painfully conscious of but one one that I am ever aware of being written. A student in the staff room does happen from time to time. Sometimes they come in to get things or other extraordinary errands. When it does happen the students are visibly weirded out by it. Often the staff can take it in their stride as long as they are aware of the circumstances. Sometimes the student wanders in without thinking about the barrier and this results in shock and panic on the part of the staff. Students should not be in the staff room.

STUDENTS trying to enter the staff room You shall not pass - You ...

5. What is an unwritten rule or mutual understanding in your home?

Always say goodbye. Properly with a hug and a kiss and a genuine good wish for the other person.

Years ago I heard a sermon from a priest about a man who had applied for a ticket to emigrate from Ireland to the United States. This was in the time before international flight and the internet. The man was leaving his family and would likely not see them or speak to many of them again. The man had a standby ticket or was “On Notice” meaning he could be called at any time to board a ship and leave his home and family. He took this quite literally and went everywhere with his life packed in a suitcase. Every time he left home for any reason he said goodbye to his family as if it was the last time he would see them. He never actually got to emigrate as he was killed in an accident. His family were of course grieved but his wife expressed her gratefulness for his practice of farewell each day because of being “On Notice”.

The moral of the story. Never part company with someone you love without telling them how you feel. It has been something I incorporate into my relationship and I believe it has made it much stronger.

6. Which body part do you wish you could detach and why?

My feet. I have Plantar Faciitis which is caused by my profession that requires me to stand up for most of the day. Since being diagnosed I have learned how to manage the condition. This involves some very expensive inserts to shoes and careful selection of footwear. It also involves stretching. The pain for the most part is gone but I can always tell when I have become slack with my stretches or when I have not been wearing my inserts.

Additionally heels have become a very much sometimes item. Which does make me a little sad

Bonus: What is the weirdest thing you have seen in someone else’s home?

Honestly you would think in years of being a swinger I would see some weird things but none spring to mind. I remember a few things as a child that I found weird. My grandmother sometimes took me to visit her friend when I was about 7 or 8 because she had a swimming pool. Once I was inside the lady’s house and I noticed in the centre of her telephone dialler (it was the 70’s) was an image of a nipple. It took me a while to work out what it was but I still remember it clearly. I am pretty sure my grandmother didn’t realise but her friends were definitely not your regular suburban couple.

This post is part of this week’s TMI Tuesday. To see who else is sharing head on over and check it out

Hug

Tall strong body

Long arms wrapped around

Warm breath in my hair

I rest my head against your shoulder

And I breathe

Inhale, your scent fills my nostrils

Exhale, stale air leaves my lungs

Inhale, freshness brings energy into my lungs

Exhale, I feel the negativity and stress leaving me

Your arms around me tighten

Holding me firmly against you

Protecting me

Inhale, strength building

Exhale, exhaustion fading

Your arms relax slowly

Releasing me

I hold tightly, not ready to leave yet

A few more moments

Inhale, energy in

Exhale, stress out

I am almost ready

My arms loosen

I tilt my face up to yours

Our lips meet

Strength flows from you to me

I am ready

To face the world again.

This post was part of Wicked Wednesday prompt #408 Hugging. While not specifically erotica I hope you enjoy this. As always make your way to Rebel’s page and check out the other entries.

Crossing the Line

It has been a long while since I have added to the story I started as part of the Journey to Now page. During our recent cruise I had a fair bit of down time and I worked on some posts to add to the story. Now back in the land of the living I will hopefully be continuing to complete this. For those who are new to the blog please visit the “Journey to Now” page to catch up on the story.

Mr Jones has always been very clear about emotional ties with our play partners. He likes the friendship aspect of things but he is very much a one woman man. He has never been interested in having more than one romantic relationship. I never really gave the topic much thought but as time went on and we continued our relationship with Sheree and Wes I began to consider the idea of polyamory to something more than just a fantasy. Mr Jones described his feelings about Sheree in this way; “My dick likes having sex with her but I am not really in to her as a person that much.” In the beginning we spent a lot of time together as a foursome. Mostly we swapped partners and occasionally Sheree and I would have girl time together. I had visited Ladies night a few times by this stage and my desire to have sex with women was waning a little. Slowly I was coming to the realisation that what I really liked was cock. Nice, dare I say it, thick above average sized cock.

In contrast to Mr Jones’ feelings about Sheree, Wes and myself began realising that some feelings were beginning to develop between us. It was never really defined and Mr Jones and I seemed to talk about it sometimes but never in a really direct way. Certainly WES and I had several conversations about it. Some were vague and about the idea of polyamory in general, some were more direct and related to managing our feelings and relationship so as not to hire the other stakeholders.

Over Mr Jones and I became aware that all was not well in the Wes and Sheree household. Sheree had several mental health issues which they were quite open with us about but looking back I realise how naive I was about just how much Wes contributed to them and possibly used them as an excuse for some very bad behaviour. In any case circumstances led to Mr Jones engaging in his first experience of playing solo. We had never really discussed it but I had always stated that I was OK with him enjoying himself. Unlike him I was confident that he had no intention of running off with someone else and so I was, and still am, comfortable with him getting enjoyment from any experiences that come his way.

When he came home one day and told me that he and Sheree had taken advantage of a situation and engaged in a hot and heavy tryst in a park I was excited for him. I felt I was a much needed boost to his confidence. For myself I wasn’t particularly interested in solo play with Wes despite my growing feelings for him.

What did grow out of that first foray into playing without their partner in the room for Wes and Sheree was my first MMF. I requested this with some nervousness. I knew that Mr Jones was aware of how I felt about Wes and I had an inkling that he wasn’t entirely happy about what was happening. I guess looking back now he didn’t know how to stop what he may have seen as a runaway train. His confidence in my devotion to him was not as strong as mine in his and to be completely honest I was not as settled in my relationship as I could have been. Some of the issues that plagued our marriage earlier still lingered. At this time I had been forced to resign from my job and ultimately had to turn my back on a career I loved as a result of circumstances that stemmed largely from the trials and tribulations of adjusting to life with children. I felt strongly that this turn of events was due to some failings on Mr Jones’ part and even though I was working towards it I had by no means forgiven him.

In any case I found myself in a bed sandwiched for the first time between two men. Both Mr Jones and Wes had what I regarded as particularly nice cocks. I loved both of them, in my hand, in my mouth and in my pussy. At this time anal sex and I were still not really friends. Neither of my lovers really minded. The evening was an amazing experience for me. A lot of first times for many things happened; first spit roast, first time watching a man suck another’s cock and most importantly first time of double vaginal penetration.

This feat was not planned and was a result of some patience and a lot of communication between Mr Jones and Wes. I doubt very much if it would have been as successful if both me had not been so comfortable with themselves and each other as it required two penises to get into some very close quarters together. As I recall I lay on my side and Mr Jones entered me from behind. Dan had the trickier task of inserting himself into an already full pussy while facing me. It took some adjusting of legs, arms and hips but we achieved the goal. It was one of the most amazing, intimate experiences of my life. My pussy was stretched in the most pleasurable way and my body was pressed between both of the men I desired most in the world. It is something that I will never forget even now after so many different experiences and different men. It would be a very long time before I would experience that level of intimacy again.

TMI Tuesday – Late Edition

Last week was not my finest hour. I said some stuff and did some stuff and a lot of it was not pretty. The outcome of some of it was confronting as I outlined in one of the posts I did manage to make. Despite committing to myself to post TMI consistently, it fell by the wayside. So this week you get catch-up TMI AND regular TMI.

November 12

1. Do you think taking a break in a relationship works? Have you taken a break? Why do you say it worked or did not work?

Personally no I don’t think it works. Taking a break from an argument to cool down and consider what has been said is a good idea in theory but often hard to do in practise because of the emotions involved. But having a break where you don’t see each other or you are free to see other people willy nilly. Nope. Just nope. At best nothing is getting resolved and at worst you have created a whole other mountain of stuff to work through.

I have not tried it with Mr Jones. I have in previous relationships and they didn’t work. I was very young so that may have been part of the problem but also I may have learned from the experience.

2. What is your ideal “break” in a relationship:

a. we stay monogamous but relax expectations on each other and each other’s time

b. we can see/date other people

c. we can take time to explore sex with other people

d. take a break but there is no discussion about seeing other people

For Mr Jones and I none of the above would be a break as such. We already see other people in a fully ethical and consensual way. In the past a break is a break from non-monogamy to focus strongly on each other and spend time together to get our primary relationship back on track.

3. Currently, how many healthy relationships do you have? How many unhealthy or toxic relationships do you have?

One healthy marriage. Two healthy relationships with my children. A relationship with my mother that could be toxic if I don’t keep my guard up and a very new sexual relationship with my John Barrowman look alike that is open honest and shows great promise as a sexual friendship. Definitely no romance.

4. Are there limits to your sexual creativity?

I guess there is. Sometimes I don’t have the mental capacity to be creative and I just want to fuck in a few basic positions. Other times I am all over trying different stuff.

5. What one item in this life do you want to take to the afterlife? (For the purposes of this questions just assume there IS an afterlife).

I don’t really have an answer to that one. I can’t think of an item that I couldn’t leave behind.

Bonus: What life-altering thing should every human ideally get to experience at least once in their life?

I am going to go out on a limb here and say taking your clothes off seductively in front of people you don’t know very well if at all. Over the last eight or so years I have been fortunate enough to do this and also witness other women doing it in a loving supportive environment. It is liberating and it teaches you that there is someone out there who appreciates every body type. There is someone who thinks you are hot no matter how old, fat, skinny, young, saggy, lumpy, bumpy you are.

Sexy is not entirely how you look it is confidence.

These questions were posted on 12 November at TMI Tuesday. As always I encourage you to head on over and see what everyone else had to say.