Love and Marriage

Valentines day is a strange beast. One of those ‘celebrations’. St Valentine, who the holiday is a celebration of is one of those catholic saints that has a dubious and conflicting history, much like St Patrick. Not really officially a saint but any kind of popular figure to further the ‘mission’ of the Catholic Church. Of course in our modern commercial world any kind of opportunity to milk money from people is to be expected.

So what does Valentines day look like for the Joneses? Early rise and prepare for work. Teach mostly apathetic young people all day, appointment with Physiotherapist in the afternoon and then a long conversation with a family member about a complex legal / inheritance issue we are dealing with. Some chocolate on the couch and then early bed. Mr Jones spent the day mucking around with his garden, shopping for groceries and spending time with his elderly parents.

Hollywood, or rather Netflix, would have us believe that finding “The One” is a milestone in our lives that leads to eternal happiness. That marriage should be based on love. Because without love marriage is empty and meaningless and doomed to fail. Hallmark and the promoters of modern Valentines Day would have us believe that love and romance looks like red roses and overpriced oddly flavoured chocolate.

But many of us know that happy marriages are not based on buying the largest bunch of roses. The practical cynic in me cringes at the thought of how much roses cost in Australia in 2023. For reference a dozen red roses from Interflora cost around two hundred dollars. The biologist in me cannot reconcile the industry that produces out of season, non-native flowers for this festival of commercialism. (I am trying to stop myself from ranting here. Clearly it is not working.) After being married, somewhat successfully, for around 25 years I can say that I have not missed red roses on Valentines Day. I would not say that having them would have made me happier or more invested in my marriage.

What does define and re-enforce my marriage? Weird stuff. Mr Jones has recently discovered Shein. And while it is a fast fashion outlet that also grinds my environmentalist gears a little I have been the recipient of some cute little dresses that are quite sexy. I wear them frequently so the fast fashion is negated slightly. I like that he tries to find things we both like me to wear and that in doing so he is re-affirming his belief in my attractiveness. On his part he has said he likes that I am handy to have in an emergency. He struggles to be decisive and when an elderly relative is passed out in the bathroom it is handy to have a bossy, take charge kind of wife to call the ambulance and give instructions.

It is the every day that makes things work in a relationship. The daily looks that say “It’s OK I’ve got your back here.” and the safe space to say “Really! Can you not leave your stinky shoes next to the couch.” There is no perfect marriage. Just a relationship that works and builds a place of security and a well of stuff, emotional and otherwise, that you can draw on. Red roses do not fill the well. Cadubury’s chocolate on the couch while you are watching Netflix? I think does. You can buy a lot of blocks of chocolate for two hundred dollars.

Fun fact that I learned while reading about St Valentine. He is also the patron saint of beekeepers. Not sure what the connection is there. Maybe next year you should buy some locally sourced, organic honey for your lover.

TMI Tuesday – Time to be Happy

  1. What is your best excuse to get out of an invitation?

I really hate it when people cancel on you because they get a better offer. So I always try to honor any commitment I make even if something better does come along. If I get invited to something I don’t want to go to I tend to be non-committal until crunch time happens. Not the most up front way of dealing with it but it has been working for me so far.

2. When was the last time you ended a relationship of any kind? What was the nature of the relationship?

I posted recently about my relationship with Johnny coming to an end. I am not sure if this counts as an answer to this question as I didn’t end the relationship myself.

Currently I am in a weird situation with a couple who Mr Jones and I had been friends with for quite a few years. Of late things have not been as easy between us and we have grown apart. This wouldn’t be much of an issue except it turns out that we have a lot of friends in common. I really don’t like confrontation and I guess I am not entirely happy with how things have turned out between us but the next time we run into each other at a social event things could be interesting.

3. Tell us about a phone call or email that you needed to make but were apprehensive to do? Did you ever make the call or send the email?

I often feel that way before I call my mother. Mostly it doesn’t turn out that badly but sometimes it doesn’t go well. She has Post Doctoral qualifications in being negative, putting you on a guilt trip for no reason and generally alienating people so you can imagine how conversations with her can go some days.

4. Tell us one or two things you do daily as self care.

Most days my morning routine involves tea and a scroll through my WordPress Reader followed by tinkering on a blog post. I have started this routine recently, I used to try and get up and do some form of exercise, on the days I couldn’t get motivated I would make myself feel guilty. This new routine is much better for my mental health, I just have to figure out my exercise routine but it will happen.

5. What are you looking forward to in the holiday season of the coming New Year?

Spending as much time as possible aboard this baby.

So that I can see more things like this

Bonus: In what situations do you wish you could throw down a smoke bomb and disappear?

Any time there is conflict. I really can’t handle it. If there is any kind of tension between people I am around or between myself and another person I just want to disappear.

This post is part of TMI Tuesday for 22 December. To see who else is sharing this week click here or on the image below.

What’s Love got to Do With It?

In this week’s round of TMI Tuesday one of the questions was;

“Agree or Disagree. Sex without love is meaningless”

My answer went on a tangent about the sexual activities of Bonobo Apes. A species that is famous for using sexual interactions a social strategy. The key to the question is really the definition of love. gives no less than 14 definitions of love as a noun, and a further six as a verb. I won’t bore you with them all but the spectrum ranged from A word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L to a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Sexual passion also made an appearance in more than one of the definitions.

This variety of ideas relating to love is reflected in human ideas about sexual relationships. One of the things that frustrated me early in my marriage with Mr Jones was his often repeated statement that he felt unloved if we weren’t having enough sex. This was confusing to me as I also knew that he, and most other humans, is capable of having sex with people that he DOESN’T love. Fast forward about fifteen years and both of us have had sex with any number of people who we have had various levels of attachment with.

I can confirm that you can have some amazing sex without even knowing the name of the person you are with. You can have some pretty ordinary sex with people who you would call very good friends. You can even have some pretty ordinary sex with your spouse, given the right situation. Perhaps a better question to ask than the one above is; “Does sex have to have some deep meaning to be good?”

My answer is no.

In my world there are two distinct categories of sex. Married sex, and Gemma sex. They can both be amazing and also very bad; it is a question of management. Married sex is about love, connection and affection. It also is accommodating, tolerant and ignores some things that may be a turn off. Things like; having held the person’s head while they threw up, that yesterday you were angry because they went out and left the dishes in the sink and that there is still some deep seated resentment that a life decision made fifteen years ago had a profound effect on a career that you loved.

Married sex is about keeping a level of intimacy that is needed for two people to be able to be in the same room together, alone, without killing each other. As Mr Jones and I prepare to spend six months on a boat together without the buffer of our children this kind of intimacy is important. Otherwise we could be experiencing a Dead Calm kind of situation. Married sex doesn’t have to swing off the rafters but sometimes it does help the situation if you do make that effort.

Gemma sex is a whole different ball game. It is purely about fun, pleasure and there are no compromises. It is not about maintaining a relationship. It is about exploring boundaries and just being a sexual person. It is easier to take risks, consensual of course, because if it doesn’t work out you don’t have to face the person tomorrow. You also don’t have to deal with domestic or relationship kinds of issues. There is no co-habitation. While you may listen with a sympathetic ear to their problems, at the end of the day they are THEIR problems and you don’t have to worry about them.

Does this kind of sex have no meaning? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It generally has no ROMANTIC meaning but there is often a connection and if you continue to see the person a friendship can form. Pushing past boundaries is significant to some people and can change you as a person. Having a random stranger with no need to maintain a relationship worshipping you can definitely improve your confidence.

At the end of the day sex is a bodily function like eating and sleeping. These things can also have deep, abiding meaning or just be something we did yesterday. Why should sex be any different?

Being Men

I have been enjoying posts from Marriage Sex and More recently. His take on being a man in a successful marriage is refreshing and I like it. Plus he posts great photos. A post I read recently spawned some thoughts of my own that I would like to share with you.

My friend posts about many things but a recurring theme is his frustration at the decline of masculinity in our modern world. I find myself agreeing with many of his ideas. Particularly some that are expressed in a post in which he describes his learnings from years of dealing with sex traffickers as a law enforcement officer. Warning, the post does describe the effect of the sex trafficking industry on women and is not for the faint of heart. In his reflections he explains that many women are drawn to the pimps of this world because they are tired of the beta behaviour of their current partners and find the Alpha behaviour of pimps alluring, before they get caught in the spider’s web, so to speak.

I agree with his ideas that women are tired of men who don’t embrace their masculinity and are seeking the stronger more decisive type of man but it isn’t as simple as all that. I am a Biologist, I believe that the way we act is driven by our basic function of reproducing successfully. As I tell my students, everything in Biology is about sex and food. Men are programmed with the scatter gun approach. Their goal is to get their DNA into as many females as possible. Over his lifetime a man could, theoretically, impregnate hundreds of women. Women are not able to take this approach. In an extreme case a woman might successfully birth twenty babies in her lifetime. Of those twenty maybe half would make it to adulthood. IF she is healthy and able to carry and birth them. IF she has a tribe around her to help raise them. IF, and this is the kicker, she can find a mate to PROVIDE for her.

In a caveman scenario, which is where our programming and instincts come from, a woman is looking for a man whose genes are sound and will give her offspring the best chance of success. Enter the Alpha, strong, confident, resourceful. She will try to mate with him because, clearly, his genes are going to give her offspring the best chance. But here is her conundrum; while the Alpha has the best genes he is not likely to stick around and bring her food while she is incapacitated and caring for the offspring they have created. His attention is going to be on the next conquest and the next woman who is looking for his genes. Without support and a provider the offspring, and probably the woman, will die.

Enter feminine wiles. While seeking to acquire impregnation from the Alpha the woman may seek to bind a less Alpha or beta male to her and convince him that he needs to care for her and her children. This guy is less desirable from a sexual point of view; he is possibly weaker and may have some weird characteristics but he will be around to build a shelter, hunt for some food and brandish a weapon at any wild animals that might try to attack her and her baby.

The animal kingdom is full of examples of females who birth offspring that are not genetically related to the male to whom she is bound. There are a wide variety of examples of social arrangements that allow for females to mate with the Alpha while enjoying the support and protection of other males, and/ or females, in their community.

So what does all this have to do with men and women and relationships in the 21st century? Well, the programming is still there. We may have progressed culturally and socially but we are still the same species that lived in caves and wandered about hunting mammoths and digging up roots. We are still in the words of Douglas Adams “Very clever apes”. So women still want to mate the Alpha and the Alpha still wants to fuck everything he can. Other men, and women, created this culture that values monogamy above all else as a way of negating the fascination with Alpha and decreasing his power. Marriage could be viewed as an institution that allowed beta males to capture a mate and lock the Alpha out. The idea of purity and chastity could be seen as tool men used to control women and keep the Alpha out until the beta had a chance to lock her up with his nice house and good job.

Deep down the woman still desires the Alpha and deep down the beta is still submissive to his dominance. Can a beta become an Alpha? In some cases yes. But honestly it is unlikely. The traits that define an Alpha are not entirely learned. They come from within and are not always conscious. The beta may learn to mimic some Alpha behaviours and this will gain him some success. A quick Google will unearth any amount of material claiming to help men “Become more Alpha” but it is a slippery slope. Without some limitations men who engage in Alpha behaviour just become an arsehole.

Enter the pimp and honestly, any men who commit domestic abuse. These men may have started life as an Alpha or they may have been betas who converted. Whatever the case, their Alphaness is out of control. They have power and are, by all accounts, very, very charming. They possess that thing that draws women in. The women sense that their genes are strong. But these men are addicted to their power. They are incapable of owning it against a woman who is strong enough to question it and so they enforce their power by engaging in degrading and abusive behaviour.

Life is about balance. A good relationship has balance. A marriage survives because the partners work as a team to ensure that each party becomes their best self. There is definitely room for a man to be a man and own his masculinity but it cannot be at the expense of his partner. Being more alpha is not a license to act like an arsehole. It does not give you the right to hold a good woman (or man) down.

USB Flashback – Down by the River

A while ago on a spring cleaning spree I found a USB dating back to the days of “Erotic Adventures”. I am not sure if I published all of the things I found on there but I think that some of them are worth dusting off and sharing again. This little gem is a story about a date night Jake and I enjoyed along the South Bank of the Brisbane River. 

kangaroo point cliffs

A balmy spring breeze twisted around us as we strolled along the riverside pathway. On one side of us the river wound its way through the centre of the city towards the ocean on the other side, on our other side steep cliffs swept upwards to expensive houses perched high above the water. Despite it being a “school night” we shared our pathway with many different people joggers and cyclists made their way through their evening fitness regimes, families on holiday strolled along enjoying the lights of the city and the famous cliffs lit by huge spotlights placed strategically at the base, other people used the pathway to get from one place to the other on unknown errands.

Every now and then there was a break in the traffic and we felt as if we had the path to ourselves. We strolled along not really worrying about how late it was getting or that we had to go to work the next day. We had escaped the responsibilities of parenting to share an intimate dinner and be reminded of the way it was when they were dating. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other as we walked, every now and then the breeze made its way underneath my dress to caress my freshly shaved pussy and remind me of the secret nudity I was hiding there. Jake’s hand wandered down over my naked ass squeezing me through the fabric of my dress.

When there was an opportunity he pulled me off the path to lean me against the railing on the side of the path. His body pressed against mine as he kissed me deeply, sliding his hands up my thighs to caress my freshly shaven mound that was hidden there. I gasped into his mouth as he slid his finger into my wet slit teasing me before the sound of people approaching made him remove his hand and straighten himself up. Two men jogged past giving me a knowing look as I straightened my dress but I didn’t care. I had more arousing things on my mind.

We continued our walk but now my mind was on things other than enjoying the sights and sounds of the evening. I began scanning ahead, looking for a nook that would give us some more privacy. I hoped, in vain, that as we moved further away from the CBD the stream of people passing by would decrease. Annoyingly it didn’t. There were fewer mothers and fathers with their children but the joggers and cyclists persisted. Who exercised at this time of the night? Didn’t they have other things to do? At home?

Then I saw what I had been looking for. A wide boardwalk surrounding a Moreton Bay Fig jutted out over the water forming a low lookout. The wide trunk and buttress roots of the majestic tree shielded the seating underneath from the passers-by.  I led Jake towards the partially secluded area, pushing him down on the bench seat, making sure to take the maximum advantage of the wide gnarled trunk of the tree. I straddled his lap as he sat on the bench. My legs spread wide over his and my chest pressing against his face as I bent to kiss his neck. His arms slipped around me reaching down with his hands to cup my round buttocks allowing the warm evening breeze to caress the bare skin of my ass as he stoked me.

For a moment I looked up, over his shoulder, trying to determine how much people passing by could see. None of them paid any notice to us snuggling under the tree. I sat back a little, lifting my dress to allow Jake access to my wet hungry slit. His fingers slid down over my freshly shaved skin to stroke my swelling clit. I gasped against the side of his neck as he slipped his finger through my wet folds to slip into me. I forgot about the passers-by on the path as he fucked me slowly with two of his fingers. My hands pressed against the seam of his jeans, stroking the hard cock underneath. When the trickle of people stopped for a few moments I stood up to allow him to unbutton his jeans. Carefully I eased his hard warm cock out of its prison before I resumed my seat with my hand wrapped around his cock. He slipped his fingers back inside me.

The pleasure of Jake’s fingers was intense but I ached for more. I wanted to be filled by his hard, warm, cock. My hand moving up and down his shaft only increased my need. When I couldn’t hold back any more I raised my body slightly and moved forward until I was positioned above his cock. For a moment I held myself there with the tip of his cock resting against my opening. His hands gripped my hips, trying to push me down onto him. Our eyes were locked together as I resisted, fighting my own desire to feel his cock filling me to feel the pleasure of denying him what he wanted so much. Then slowly I slid myself down onto him. Bit by bit he slid into me, pushing apart the walls of my pussy, filling me up until I was sitting on his lap again this time with his cock buried deep inside me.

Slowly, with his hands guiding me I rocked back and forth, tilting my hips to get the maximum pleasure for both of us. The intimacy of the evening combined with the thrill of our location lifting the feeling to a whole new level. For several weeks we had not been able to fuck. Sitting here now with him inside me was like fucking him for the first time. His cock felt new and familiar at the same time, I was insanely horny. My hand reached down to touch my clitoris which was swollen and hard. Within a few strokes I could feel the orgasm building. Jake’s breathing was jagged, his hands gripped my hips hard. I ground against him faster and faster. I completely forgot about anything except the feeling of his cock inside me.

“Come with me,” I whispered to him as I felt myself sliding over the edge.

He grunted softly as his cock pulsed inside me. I held him close, breathing heavily enjoying the afterglow. Slowly I came back to reality. The sounds of the city drifted across the river to my ears, the tinkle of a bicycle bell alerted me to a cyclist passing. I looked up at the pathway behind the tree. Oblivious to our fucking joggers and cyclists trundled past without even giving a second thought to us. The only witness was the aged tree that shaded us. I am sure he had seen it a hundred times before.

moreton bay fig

TMI Tuesday – Blankety Blanks

I love TMI Tuesday Blanks Questions! In the past I have not really got the point of the challenge but I am aiming to make this set as sexy and corny as possible. Let me know what you think of my efforts!


1. My best friend is Mr Jones of course. I believe very strongly that the substance that makes up a marriage is very different from the romantic images that are promoted in popular culture. I can’t imagine being in a situation with a person that requires you to manage mortgages, child raising and careers and NOT be friends with them..

2. A whole posse of kinky, dirty, affectionate lovers is all I need to satisfy my deepest, darkest fantasy

3. If you only know one thing about me it should be that once I start squirting it is very difficult for me to stop. For most guys that is a massive turn on and trust me it feels amazing but it gets very, very, very messy. If you are going to keep on pressing that button make sure you have a stack of towels on hand or a set of rubber sheets.__ .

4. Being naked on the deck of a sailing ship and basking in the sun is the best feeling in the world.

5. A man and his wife walk into a bar and start chatting with the barman. While they are chatting a fit young man comes up and starts flirting with the wife. The barman and the husband are deep in conversation and they don’t even turn a hair while the young man bends the wife over the bar lifts up her dress. The wife starts to moan as the man spreads her legs and buries his face between her legs. When the wife’s moans become too loud the husband and the barman turn to watch. After a while the barman says to the husband, “do you mind?”

“Go for it,” the husband smiles as the barman unzips his pants and kneels on the bar so the wife can suck his cock.

Sometime around three the barman remembered he had to close. The husband had to carry his wife out of the bar. She had been fucked and eaten out so many times that she couldn’t stand up._____ .

6. I like to eat sausages in fall. In fact I will eat sausages any time. I do like them in all shapes and sizes.

Bonus: I can’t dry my washingif it rains but I can walk around naked in the rain which feels good once you get wet.

As always make sure you check out more TMI goodness at the TMI Tuesday page.

My New Pet


I have a LOT of pets; cats, chickens, ducks, geese, budgies, fish, kids, a husband….. I am frequently having to tell my children “no more animals” but when you are at the Produce buying food for your menagerie these baby fluffy things look at you and then somehow they find their way into your car and your heart. You know how it goes.

Pet was a little bit like that. I met him at a party a couple of years ago. At the time things didn’t really pan out but recently we bumped into each other again and one thing led to another….. You know how it goes. After we dealt with the sexual energy that had built up and scratched an itch that had been two years in the scratching we had a chat about what we were interested in exploring. He told me that what he really wanted was to be a pet to some nice mistress.

I have toyed with the idea of being a “Miss” before. I have written some stories about it, look for “Declan and Mrs Smythe” on Erotic Adventures I promise to post some excerpts over the summer. But somehow it scared me a little. I didn’t have the confidence in my ability to dominate someone in the way that you read about in all the D/s stuff on the net. Added to that I wasn’t sure I wanted to punish the way Dommes seem to.

Pet is a very persuasive kind of person. In fact he isn’t the kind of guy that I would have expected would take very well to being given instructions or having restrictions placed on him. I was surprised at his request and very hesitant. The purist in me felt as if he wasn’t really going to be a submissive because even though I was playing the dominant role it was under his direction….. Yeh I have issues with overthinking.

And so here I was naked with this guy who had just fucked me senseless in a way that I hadn’t been for far too long who was literally begging me to let him be my pet because he just wanted to please his Miss. The closest analogy I can come up with is that he reminded me of a puppy, all excited and jumping around . Like the cute fluffy goslings at the produce store I couldn’t say no to his to him. Now I find myself with Pet.

This whole thing is new and both of us are making it up as we go. It is not a complete D/s relationship which suits me fine but all in all he is a very well behaved pet. He has some very sensual kinks. Unlike a lot of men he is very interested in touch, feel and sensual pleasure. The part where he sticks his dick into a hole is secondary for him. His interest in underwear and how it feels, smells and looks is something which a lot of people find a bit confronting. For me I have to say as a younger person I would have reacted the same way. But now it is proving to be extremely sexy. There is something very sensual about the feel of silky fabric against your skin. There is something even sexier about seeing and feeling it on someone else especially when you have just instructed them to put it on.


There are many things about this man that are opening my eyes to the possibilities but something that springs to mind almost every time I think of him is the re-discovery of how sensual a bare handed spanking can be. I have always enjoyed a good spank during play but often men are hesitant to spank because they are afraid to hurt. Or they hurt, and not in a good way. There is an art to delivering a good spanking. I am learning that the pleasure is not just in receiving but also in giving. Something about the contact of two skin surfaces is so very sexy. Right here right now I would say without hesitation that bare handed spanking is on my top ten list of pleasures.

Despite my original misgivings, as I just described, I am starting to enjoy giving instructions and coming up with activities for Pet. The pure sensuality of pushing boundaries and observing his pleasure is liberating in a way I find hard to describe. In some ways it is like playing Barbies in a very grown up way. I get to dress him, and put him in whatever position pleases me. I am very much looking forward to more sessions of using him as my personal fuck toy.

TMI Tuesday – Relationship Stuff


1. A sexy person you’ve been admiring says, “Let’s do something wild together.” What is the thing you pick to do?
This depends a lot on the person, the situation, the location etc so it is difficult to give a specific answer but for the sake of the game I will be HUGELY inappropriate and pretend that the sexy person is a colleague who from my previous employment. I think a little late afternoon car park head job would be really cool and if the mood took us booking into the first hotel we could find to spend the night fucking like rabbits,

2. I saw this headline: Whip Your Vagina Into Shape. Sadly the subject matter wasn’t what I wanted. Anywho…which way would you prefer to whip your vagina into shape. (Fellas you can select your fave way you’d like to whip a pussy or see it whipped)
a. a nice, stingy pussy spanking by hand.
b. doing kegel exercises with kegel balls.
c. having some SM master/mistress actually whip your pussy, with a whip!

Again depending on my mood I would choose different options. I have actually enjoyed a nice session of b,from time to time, especially when sitting at my computer for a couple of hours.
To try something a little different I think I would go with c. But only with someone I trusted to give just the right amount of sting with their whipping,

3. When in a relationship (married, living together or dating) What do you do if you want to be alone for a while? How do you get “me” time?
At the moment I am home during the day while everyone else is at school / work so I get a fair bit of “me” time. However school holidays start at the end of this week and for the next eight weeks me time is going to be fairly limited. My strategy then will be to go into my bedroom and shut the door.

4. Which of these subjects causes the most tension or fighting between you and your significant other?
a. in-laws
b. children/step-children
c. finances
d. housekeeping

Definitely d.I recently had the carpet cleaned. Mr Jones stayed home for the morning to help with moving furniture etc. There was a lot said about the amount of clutter in our bedroom. Now that the carpet is dry I am quietly waiting to see how long it takes before his resolve wavers and he is back to using the corners of the bedroom as a storage for his clothing.


5. When breaking up with someone or ending a relationship, which method is more your style?
a. dramatic exit– sending texts and phone calls and taking the chance to vent about all the things you didn’t like about the person.
b. play it cool and be upfront and tell them “it’s not working out.”
c. slow down the
time you spend together…fade away and disappear without a word.
Mr Jones and I have been married for sixteen years so breaking up is not something that I have had to do. These days the closest thing to breaking up that I have needed to do is splitting from playmates. This is usually a painless process which involves just fading away but every now and then you need to man up and tell someone it isn’t working. As long as you are tactful. It generally goes fairly well.

6. I know none of YOU would ever break up with someone via text message (btw, there is an app for that but if you did, what would your text read?
Given my answer to 5. I would have to say I have broken up with people by text. Because they are not romantic relationships with large emotional investments it tends to be fairly business like. Something along the lines of;
I am sorry but I don’t think you / this is what I am looking for.
Or if I am feeling a bit whimpy;
Things have gotten really hectic with work and the family and I just can’t fit you into my caleasndar right now.
Having said that I would NEVER break up with someone by text if I was in a romantic relationship and I go to great lengths to instil that value into my teenage children.

Bonus: Would you like you if you met you? Why?
I am not really sure about this one. I think generally yes. There would probably be quite a few times though where I would be very tempted to tell myself to “grow a set” and get on with life.


As always for more TMI goodness you can head on over to the TMI Tuesday page.



Hot on the heels of a TMI post from a couple of weeks back I had a conversation with a prospective play partner who I will refer to as “Army Guy” in this and future posts. I hope things pan out with this one (unlike some others in recent times) but I digress. Army Guy is in his own words “single and loving it” and “Couldn’t think of anything worse” than being married. Once I met him in person he went on to explain that his job requires him to deal with relationship issues of the people around him and that he had certain ambitions he wanted to fulfil in life. In his opinion having a relationship is simply going to hinder him achieving his goals.

I was a little saddened by his attitude and found it a bit a confronting. Afterwards I reflected on his words and I realised that he was, in some ways at least, right. I wouldn’t be lying to say that being married and having children certainly prevented me from achieving certain ambitions that I had earlier in my life. But failing to reach these ambitions has opened the door to a whole other range of possibilities that I would not have considered as a young single person.

Some of these possibilities are things that I probably wouldn’t have been able to achieve as a single person. Between 2008 and now I have explored some of the most iconic parts of Australia with my family. I had experiences that will live with me forever and I learned through experience and first hand observation a lot of things that I find sharing with my students now.

Other achievements include amassing an investment portfolio that is not hugely impressive but certainly will allow Mr Jones and I to live comfortably for many years into our retirement. This is not something I would ever had a hope of achieving as a single person. It is also something that Mr Jones would not have been able to achieve as a single person either. Building our life together has been one of the great achievements of my life.

Of course my prospective fuckbuddy is a very independent kind of person. For him the idea of being reliant on someone else for his success is possibly quite foreign if not a little frightening. And of course that is fine for him. The thing that I find unacceptable is when people insist on achieving their goals their own way and still being in a marriage. In our world today people seem to forget that marraige is not the White wedding, perfect house and 2.3 perfectly behaved children. For me marriage is two people building their lives together. In the process they hold each other up and work as a team so that in the end the sum becomes much greater than any of the individual parts could ever be.

I think we don’t celebrate that enough in our culture. We have become so obsessed with self that we have forgotten that we are part of the world. One of the great strengths of the human race is the ability to network and form relationships. But the true value of these relationships is only realised when we forget what we can get out of the relationship but instead focus on what we can give to the other person.

Blurred Lines

I am a very black and white person. I like things to be consistent and I hate it when things don’t fit into the category that I have given them previously. Of course this has caused me endless grief throughout my life. I have not been able to get my head around friends who do things that irritate me because at the time I didn’t understand that being friends with someone did not meat I had to like EVERYTHING about that particular person. I have spent an unreasonable amount of time considering wether I should work for certain companies because I had ethical issues with some of their practices. The list goes on and on.

One of the major issues I have had is the conflict between my feeling that I should be a ‘good girl’ but what my soul wants is nothing more than to be a ‘bad girl’. For a lot of my life I was ashamed of my predilection for short skirts, low cut dresses and big come fuck me boots. I didn’t realise that my mother and the world I grew up in was not only wrong but also hypocritical. For better or worse I was determined to be Mrs Jones; the perfect good girl who was always dressed appropriately and behaved as if butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.


As I grew up I began to give in to the dark side. I sometimes bought clothing that wasn’t exactly appropriate. I had sexual relationships that taught me that enjoying sex was not dirty. My marraige to Mr Jones has helped this process along considerably and today I find myself acknowledging that the good girl part of my personality and the bad girl part of my personality can co-exist in the same body.

And so Gemma Jones was born. In her fullest expression Gemma is not a bad girl, she is a Sex Goddess. She is comfortable with her body, who she is and knows what she wants out of life. Gemma is not plagued with doubts or concerns about what other people think about her. And most importantly she is happy.

For a few years I was able to live in Gemma mode pretty much all the time. But that was just a small window in time while I studied. Inevitably the degree I was studying was completed and I was faced with the reality of using the qualification I had just spent so many sleepless nights agonising over.

The career I had chosen meant that I would be working with teenagers. A frustrating, stressful and very rewarding field but not one that is populated with open minded people. It is unlikely that most of my colleagues or the parents of my students would be open minded enough to accept some of my more unconventional lifestyle choices,

And so now I find myself living the classic double life trying to stop my bad girl side from bleeding into my good girl life. I am an honest person. It is incredibly difficult for me to maintain a lie over an extended period. And so it is only a matter of time before Gemma makes an appearance. I can only hope she doesn’t do anything too inappropriate.