What does one do when you are hanging about on a yacht in a creek waiting for the wind to die down? Some spicy Italian sausage? Some thick, meaty Australian sausage? Don’t mind if I do.
When I am at home I ‘entertain’ special friends in a play space that Mr Jones built for me. It is, by necessity, not part of the house that we live in. Since we have been living on the yacht we have not needed a play space as such because it is just us and we can play wherever and whenever we like. Just because it is nice to entertain in a special place we have one of our guest cabins set up as a play space.
To be truthful we have had sex in most parts of the yacht. When we are not in a port or anchorage where there are other yachts around it is perfect. But usually when we have visitors that is not the case. So a more private space is required.
As a person in an open relationship who is actively seeking partners I spend a lot of time dating. I don’t mean the awkward dinners that are portrayed on “First Dates”. I am talking about the internet style hook – up type dating. I use a website that is specifically for swingers and I avoid mainstream dating websites like Tinder. My main reasoning for that is to protect my privacy and avoid being outed by someone in my professional life. There is a part of me that is curious to see what would happen if I set up a Tinder account but I am not brave enough yet.
The thing with any dating app whether the user is seeking a soulmate or a one night stand it seems that there is a surplus of males and a seemingly tiny number of receptive females. I hear stories from men about meeting women who get inundated with hundreds of messages. So many that it is impossible for them to reply. That has not been my experience. I am almost fifty, I am married and state clearly I am looking for a man who is comfortable being naked in front of my husband. That in itself seems to weed out a lot.
Despite that I do get attention. I could never hope to meet every man that messages me even those that might be attractive to me or interested in similar activities. If I did meet every man that is attractive and interested I would never get out of bed. I have to narrow the field somehow. I have to make some choices and let others fall by the wayside. I can make arbitrary rules like “If you don’t have a picture in your bio” or “If your initial message is full of Text speak like HowRU” then you don’t make the cut. But I still have to talk to a lot of men who are never going to get in my panties, so to speak.
I have posted before about disappointments. About spending the time talking, exchanging pics, building up some attraction and tension, arranging to meet and then…. Crickets. It is at these times I wonder about my selection process. Should I change my criteria? Am I looking in the wrong place? Is there something I missed? Sometimes I nod in recognition of something that did raise itself but I ignored because he looked hot / I was busy / I was horny etc. Sometimes I am mystified. Sometimes it is the universe saving me from myself. Sometimes I meet some amazing people, like Johnny.
Of late I am with Mr Jones 24 / 7. He sees everything I do which is something he didn’t at home. He doesn’t have a problem with it but I think it has been a bit of an eye opener for him. We have had more open conversations about what each other is wanting / needing. It has been a time of growth for both of us. He has a better understanding of some of my frustrations and the process of making things happen. A lot of times with our lifestyle we discuss an idea and then it happens with little legwork from him. He very rarely puts in the work of building a connection and discussing possibilities with anyone except me.
For me I have a better grip on what he wants but also on how he feels about what I do. The monogamy habit still overshadows things for me sometimes. There is often a lurking fear that I will hurt Mr Jones or damage our relationship. Spending this time with him and discussing different scenarios has helped me to see that he is truly fine with most things as long as he is confident that I am taking him into consideration. I am “allowed” to be slutty and impulsive and have sex with someone I ran into without protracted negotiation and consent from him. He likes the idea of something like that happening and finding out about it later. It is something I am getting used to. I am not quite ready to do something like that but I guess the time will come.
Like everything in this life things are constantly evolving and changing. There are things that we do now that we would not have done even two years ago. I have no doubt there will be other things that we will add to our repertoire over time and still others that will be struck off the list. It is all a question of balance really.
This post was written for Wicked Wednesday prompt #472 “Balance” to see who else is sharing click the button below.
1 Who do you prefer to discuss politics with?
a) your partner, b) your best friend, c) co-workers, d) strangers, e) parents
Mr Jones has views about certain political issues which he likes to air to anyone who will listen. The kids and I have heard his ideas enough to know that arguing or trying to change the subject is impossible. On the whole though I am not particularly concerned about politics enough to talk about it with anyone at great length.
2. Which is more offensive to you: book burning or flag burning? Why?
I had a conversation about flags once that made me think about our disregard for them. During the conversation he explained how wearing the flag in clothing such as swimwear (which happens a lot in Australia) is not patriotic but disrespectful to the flag and the country because you are in effect sitting on your country’s national symbol! His words and his passion made me think twice about flags so I am going with flag. Unless you are talking about truly rare and deserving books.
3 Complete the sentence. Most of all I want to meet someone who deserves my ______:
a)trust, b)loyalty, c) admiration, d) love
I think I have people that fit each of those in different ways in all parts of my life. Mostly at the moment I am looking for someone who deserves the right to worship my pussy.
4. Which kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?
a) physical / sexual, b) mental / emotional, c) neither is important, d) both are equally important.
For Mr Jones and myself fidelity is linked closely with honesty. There must be complete disclosure about all things at all times. There is no judgement about WHAT is disclosed. Judgement comes when the disclosure is not made. I can’t really fit this with any of the options but b) is the closest because of the disclosure.
5. Would you avoid all contact with an ex if your current significant other asked you to?
a) yes of course!, b) No. This would be an unacceptable demand. c) Only if their justification seems reasonable.
I have been married to Mr Jones for 21 years. Any exes have faded into the past. Generally any lovers that I have also have faded as lovers once the sexy times end. There are one or two exceptions but these people are no longer lovers just friends so I am not sure where they sit. However he has the power to veto any person I see sexually and I would comply because my marriage is the most important partnership in my life. So if he asked I would say yes.
Bonus: If you were to die, the person going through your belongings would be shocked to find.
Probably the contents of my laptop. Maybe. It is unlikely that either of my children would be brave enough to poke through that. Mr Jones has read most of it and seen most of the images. Any of my other relatives (parents etc) would definitely find the things I write about confronting.
This post is part of TMI Tuesday for this week. If you enjoyed my revelations feel free to click on the image below and see who else is confessing.
This weeks TMI will involve a few terms that can be mis-interpreted or possibly unfamiliar. This article will give some background to these terms.
- Agree or Disagree – If people want to have more than one spouse they should be allowed to do that.
In theory yes. There are many positives about a situation where there are multiple spouses. However in cultures where multiple spouses are allowed (usually a man with multiple spouses) the practice can be less than desirable. Often the result of the man rich enough to support multiple spouses exercising his rights can restrict the rights of other people in his community.
2. Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy?
Yes, obviously. That lifestyle choice is what spawned this whole blog.
3. Is polyamory something you want?
Sometimes I think yes. Other times I think no. Similar to my answer to question 1. the theory sounds good and there are examples of polyamory kicking around that show it is possible and sometimes an awesome way to live. The realities of polyamory can sometimes be quite different. If you think about the amount of effort that goes in to keeping one relationship running smoothly then think about how much effort will go into maintaining two or three intertwined relationships simultaneously. The effort does not increase evenly as each person is added, it expands exponentially.
4. Do you wish that your ethical non-monogamy was a societal / cultural norm?
Yes. It would make my life much, much simpler. I do feel that there is a gradual shift towards acceptance of this kind of lifestyle but, like the acceptance of same sex marriage, the progress in infinitesimally slow. The internet has allowed people to read about and become educated about a lot of sub – cultures which is helping with this acceptance.
5. If you are in or have been in an open sexual relationship, what are the best bits?
The freedom. In my relationship I am free to pursue things that are not always available to a 48 year old married mother of two. I am free to explore sexual antics and have adventures without fear of damage to my relationship with my husband. A note of caution however. Open relationships do not mean open slather. This is where the ethical part comes in.
Bonus: Describe what your ideal intimate and / or sexual relationship would look like today.
I SUCK at outlining exactly what I want. I can’t think what would be different from what I currently have in my ideal situation.
Bonus Bonus: Now that I am on holidays I really should play with my selfie stick and perhaps work out the timer thingy. But here are some shots I took last Saturday when I had my fancy undies on.
This post is part of this week’s TMI Tuesday. For more TMI goodness click the image below.
These questions were written by a fellow blogger who has taken a hiatus. I am still able to bring you my answers to his questions.
Question 1: Has anyone you know ever cheated on their significant other (behind their back) ? If so, tell us about the most scandalous. (were you there or how did you hear about it? How did you feel about it? Their significant other ever find out? They still together? etc.)
A very long time ago I was unhappy in my marriage. I fell for the charms of and engineer at my place of work. The whole situation was so twisted and awkward. We flirted a lot and one drunken night we got naked together.
I was consumed by guilt and told Mr Jones almost straight away. It was a long dark time in our marriage but we survived. Ironically, or perhaps this was just the way things were meant to be, but Mr Jones credits that series of events as the sign he needed that opening our bedroom was the right path for us. In 2018 we celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary.
Question 2: What is your most scintillating sexual secret? Any naughty secret you will take to your grave? If you have no secret that you haven’t told anyone, tell us the naughtiest one that you’ve told the fewest about.
I believe I have no secrets from the readers of this page so anything I type in response to this question should not come as a surprise to you guys. However I don’t have the same level of disclosure with everyone else in my world. About Eight years ago, before I became a teacher I was a little more open with the people around me, school mums etc.
Some of them found their occasional glimpses into my life extremely scintillating. For the most part I have been careful not to disclose my sexual lifestyle to my parents. They will go their grave not knowing that their daughter fucked an extraordinary number of me in her life and enjoyed almost every single one.
Question 3: What is the naughtiest secret you know about someone else? (friend, acquaintance, or friend of friend etc.)
Again, naughtiness is all relative isn’t it? Recently Johnny sucked the cock of Mr Jones. Later he teased me about making him do naughty things. It turns out that MM play has been a bit of a taboo for him. For me, men sucking men is something I enjoy watching and I don’t see anything wrong with it as long as it is consensual.
What is the naughtiest thing I know about someone? I suspect that one or two of my colleagues are more involved in my lifestyle than they let on. But it is unconfirmed.
Question 4: Do you keep anything about your sexual history secret from your significant other? (last or future if you are single) This could be number of partners, past reputation, a naughty act or encounter, crazy night, cheating, etc.)
I think my answer to question 1 clears this one up. The secret to Mr Jones’ and my marriage is complete honesty and full disclosure. There are no skeletons and there will be no surprises.
Question 5: Do you talk about your sex life with any of your friends? What would shock or surprise them most to know about your sex life?
Friends at work, church and in my family? Definitely not!!! Although I have introduced some non-vanilla friends into my vanilla life from time to time. The question “So how do you know Mr and Mrs Fix It?” was asked and answered very very vaguely. Most of those people do not need to know. I think some would not be judgmental but others I am not so sure.
People in my pole dance circle. Well that is a grey area. Certainly my old studio was populated with many who also enjoyed my lifestyle or at least were friendly to it. I recently started classes at a new studio the people there are a bit more mainstream so the jury is still out.
Mr and Mrs Fix It and others of course know most things about my sex life. And they are not shocked.
Question 6: Do you do any flirting or anything naughty online or on your phone that your significant other doesn’t know about? (last significant other if you are single) – this might be porn watching, online relationship, chat rooms, texting an ex, sharing pics, phone sex, etc.)
I don’t really discuss with Mr Jones that I watch live streams of men masturbating when I am masturbating. This is more because I find discussing my masturbating with him a bit awkward. It is the one thing I keep very much to myself. I do masturbate in front of him sometimes as part of a wider sex play but self love is just that, kept to myself.
Question 7: Is there any secret that if you found out a significant other was keeping from you, it would be a deal breaker and you would break up with them?
Again my answer to question 1 kind of clears this up. On a more broad sense I don’t tolerate people who are cheating on their partners. If I find out that a play friend or potential play friend is in that situation that is pretty much the end of the relationship.
Question 8: If you just happened to see a friend’s significant other kissing someone else outside a restaurant as you were driving by, what would you do? (tell friend? Talk to the significant other & get more facts? Keep mouth shut and stay out of it?)
I am a very firm believer that other people’s relationships are their business. Through swinging and through my online life I have met many people who feel trapped in relationships that don’t meet their sexual needs. The reasons why these people don’t end the relationship and seek out one more suited to them are many and varied.
I do not judge but as I said in the previous answer I do not engage sexually with people who are cheating on their partner. In terms of informing a friend their partner is cheating on them? I would be more likely to discuss the situation with their partner and encourage honesty and disclosure. It is a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. You could end up alienating your friend through good intentions and your could end up losing your friend if they feel you are on their partner’s side.
Question 9: Is total honesty and openness the best policy in a relationship or are there some things that are better left not shared? (can you name a few?)
Yes. I make a joke about honesty in my relationship
“You can’t even lie about putting cold beer in the cuboard”
Mr Jones is very particular about keeping beer cold once it has been chilled. Once I bought a carton of beer and didn’t want to put all of it in the fridge because I wanted the fridge space for something else. Mr Jones of course noticed the open carton in the pantry and asked me “Was that carton cold when you bought it.” In that moment I desperately wanted to lie and say “No” but I couldn’t.
The moral of the story, you can’t even lie about beer.
Question 10: Have you ever been hurt by a lie or secret (or by a serial liar or narcissist?) If so, what was one or two of their worst lies or secrets.
I have never been in a primary relationship with a narcissist but I once got very entangled in a secondary relationship with a narcissist. The upshot of the situation was that he had recently split with his wife, or so he told me, and he was footloose and fancy free. We became close, too close. In the meantime he started dating another woman. She thought their relationship was exclusive and the vanilla type. He told me that they were just casual fuck partners. In the meantime his wife, who was also friends with me and Mr Jones was kicking around in the background. How he thought that whole house of cards was going to last I will never know.
I walked away and never made contact again. Not before he did some major damage to my confidence and a certain amount of damage to our marriage. Mr Jones kept in contact with his wife and I am happy to report she is now in a much more healthy and functional relationship.
1. It’s okay if you don’t wear any _____ .
Shoes if you are walking on the beach
Underwear if you are hoping to have sex
Pants if you are at home watching Netflix
2. What on earth are you here for?
To write rubbish that entertains all of you dirty fuckers. And to post the occasional pic of my boobs. Speaking of which
3. What has been the best day of your life?
The best day is any day that you are above the ground. Unless you are a miner, and then you might enjoy being under the ground. Or at the least know that you are not going to be there permanently.
4. Are you ordinary or extraordinary? Why?
I am fucking ridiculously extraordinary. Why? Because I can be ridiculous as described here, because I am the sexiest thing on the face of the planet as you can clearly see in the above shot. The thing that makes me the most extraordinary though is the fact that I am an excellent teacher who goes above and beyond for my students.
5. How do you want to be described by your friends?
Honest, kind, and thoughtful. Basically a decent human being
Bonus: After a breakup, would you rather be alone or surrounded by friends?
I haven’t actually had a “proper” breakup for over 20 years. That is how long Mr Jones and I have been together. During our journey into non-monogamy I have had a couple of relationships with men that have run a bit deeper than the standard meet for a fuck kind. This is something that you would expect. You can’t spend time with someone without developing some kind of connection.
That is the nature of this game. So, of course when these things end there is some level of pain, feeling of rejection, and general being bummed. It isn’t something you can deal with by sitting on the couch with your friend crying into a tub of ice – cream over. My way of dealing has been to get on with it.
It has worked for the most part. If I feel especially pissed off or they have been a particular twat I may put some words on these pages.
For the record my favourite ice cream is Vanilla but the expensive kind. My favourite chocolate is Cadbury Caramilk
1. In the bedroom, what makes you insecure?
My body. As I get older it seems that I am destined to be curvier and heavier. I know that I could become fit and “shredded” but honestly I would rather put the time and effort into writing things to go on these pages and spending time with my family.
2. In the bedroom, what makes you a champion?
I am a squirter. In the eyes of my most recent lovers this is something that is a wonder to behold. It was one of the things that JB was most fascinated by. He would press his face against my cunt and try to drink all of the liquid that came out of me.
When I get really excited I am almost unable to control myself. I cannot contain myself or my ejaculation. My lovers find this intensely exciting and in their eyes it makes me a champion. Most recently I was told that my abilities had spoiled all future encounters with other women. I think that is a little bit over the top but a nice compliment nonetheless.
3. When it comes to sexy time, I earn a gold medal _____ .
For sucking cock. I love it and I pride myself on being good at it.
Most of my lovers seem to feel that my skills are on par. So I hope that I am not mistaken.
4. At the sexolympics, in which sport will you compete
a. Artistic, synchronized water sex in the pool
b. Freestyle naked wrestling\
c. Artistic naked gymnastics
I am not a huge fan of sex in pools or spas. They are great places to get into the right mood but sex in a pool is not my thing. Neither is gymnastics. I am definitely not coordinated enough to do gymnastics.
Freestyle wrestling is definitely my thing.
5. Your significant other’s ex is coming to town and he/she wants to go out to dinner with them alone. How do you react?
a. It’s okay, no problem.
b. Not thrilled, but go ahead.
c. Not just no… HELL no!
A funny thing happened once. Before he met me Mr Jones dated a woman who was related by marriage to his sister. Unknown to me this woman attended family events that were held at his sister’s house. I wasn’t until one evening that I ran into a student at one of these events that the story of his previous girlfriend still being part of the family came to life. The student was the child of this woman born after she and Mr Jones parted company. He was far from being a model student and I am grateful that he was not my stepchild.
Despite the fact that I was unaware of the situation I wasn’t bothered to find out that Mr Jones’s ex was just around the corner the whole time. I am happy and confident that any ex-girlfriend is not a threat to me.
Bonus: What kind of fidelity (being faithful) is more important to you?
c. Neither is important.
d. Both are equally important
Definitely b. But probably not in the sense that you would imagine. Our general culture demands absolute fidelity from our partners. For myself and Mr Jones this is not right. One person cannot be expected to provide all the emotional and physical needs of the other. You would not expect one person to be the only friend in your life because different friendships fulfill different needs and give different perspectives on life. I feel that this is the same in the romantic space. Why try and fit your significant other or primary relationship or spouse into all the nooks and crannies? Why not explore possibilities.
With that mindset fidelity becomes about something else. It becomes about honesty and respect. When pursuing multiple relationships one must be honest. Absolutely honest. Because there must be trust and this cannot happen without honesty. With honesty and trust comes respect. When pursuing other relationships it is important to be constantly communicating with and listening to your main partner. Their feelings are just as important. And so fidelity is not as simple as not fucking someone else or not falling in love with another person. It is deeper, richer and much more satisfying.
Note to self: I feel there is a whole post here which I may work on over the weekend.
This post is part of TMI Tuesday. Yes it is late in the week but better late than never right. Click here to see who else is playing along this week.
In an insomniac Twitter scrolling session I came across an article published in Psychology Today about the strength of open relationships. The study outlined in the article described some research relating to communication, mutual consent and comfort in different types of relationships ranging from monogamous to open with a couple of categories in between.
The article went on to explain that monogamous and open relationships were high functioning if communication between partners was good. It defined a relationship as partially open or one-sided monogamy if one partner is engaging or wants to engage in extra curricular sex but the other doesn’t. Not surprisingly these relationships did not rate as high functioning. I can’t imagine why. The kicker that made myself and Mr Jones laugh out loud was the concluding paragraphs;
appears to be that mutual consent, comfort, and communication are crucial ingredients—regardless of the type of open relationship. Lacking those, sex outside the relationship can be felt like a betrayal and can put an enormous strain on the couple. As lead author Rogge pointed out, “Secrecy surrounding sexual activity with others can all too easily become toxic and lead to feelings of neglect, insecurity, rejection, jealousy, and betrayal, even in nonmonogamous relationships.”
The research emphasizes that these are important considerations, not only for people engaging in open relationships but in any relationship that the couple hopes to be sustainable and rewarding, long-term.
Really? Someone needed a study to come to that conclusion? Really? Are people that bad at relationships that they need a psychologist to explain how toxic secrecy is to a relationship?
To be fair the regular Joe has a very limited understanding of how open relationships work. In fact anyone not in MY relationship doesn’t understand how MY open relationship works because they are not part of if. Every relationship is different with different norms, rules, boundaries etc. Being open doesn’t change that. There is an assumption amongst monogamists who make up the overwhelming, self-righteous majority of our culture, that open relationships = open slather. Meaning that if I give consent to non-monogamy then my partner and myself are out there fucking every thing that moves without any consideration for the other person’s safety or feelings.
The writer of this article seemed to plan their study from this perspective. The way the final paragraph is written seems to assume that they were thinking that consenting to sex outside the primary relationship means that these activities are not discussed and that there are no boundaries. Certainly there are non-monogamous relationships that do work this way but as the study pointed out they are not robust and lack of communication is going to ultimately bring everything undone.
Mr Jones and myself can’t understand why these findings are such a revelation to the researchers. If communication is the cornerstone of a conventional relationship why wouldn’t it be the cornerstone of an unconventional one? In my experience communication in non-monogamy is even more critical. There are more feelings being juggled, more than two sets of expectations, more than two sets of emotional needs. It is just more complicated so of course there needs to be more communication.
The mystery and urban myths that surround swinging and non-monogamy are sometimes so laughable. Indeed I think sometimes the members of the vanilla world deserves the somewhat derogatory label of “muggle” that I have heard used to refer to them. I hope that studies like this, however obvious the outcomes seem to be to Mr Jones and myself help to debunk some of these myths.
In this world of accepting the alphabet of sexual orientation we still have a long way to go before we start to accept the idea that monogamy is the vanilla of the relationship spectrum and there are so many other valid flavours to try.
So I kind of liked this set of TMI questions as well so I decided to extend the TMI double to s triple.
BFFs, sex, and break-ups
Not too bad actually. Getting to the pointy end of term which means an insane amount of work that needs to be packed into a ridiculously short space of time but the consolation is that I am facing two weeks of holidays coming at me. There has to be some perks associated with this job.
2. You are given a strong but soft to the touch (and on the skin) rope. What will you do? (pick just one). Explain your choice.
a. Throw it in the garage to use later to tie down a tarp or something.
b. Use it for indoor wall rock climbing.
c. Tie up your lover and have your way with him/her.
d. Lasso your secret crush and take them with you.
Definitely c). Why? Because it is rather intoxicating having that much power over someone and an even bigger turn on tantalising them with sensual pleasure punctuated with reminders that I have the power to cause pain. Life is meant to be lived on the edge.
3. Give three reasons why you or anyone should masturbate.
- You are insanely horny. Not just waking up with an erection so to speak but that knawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that means your pelvis jerks involuntarily from time to time.
- You have been wearing jeans or knickers all day that have a seam that just rubs you in that spot and you have teased yourself stupid with it.
- To remind a partner that they are not indispensable and that you are capable of giving yourself pleasure without any attached drama.
4. Would you have sex with your best friend? Have you had sex with a best friend in the past? How’d that work out–did you stay friends?
Once, a very long time ago I did have sex with someone who was my “best friend”. It is probably worth mentioning that we did date for a little while before we became friends. I guess that is an indicator that there probably was some residual feelings left. Interestingly he was not particularly impressed when I started dating my husband and the last conversation I had with him was when I announced my engagement. At the time when we had sex I was under the impression that he was not interested in pursuing a relationship. However his reaction to my engagement kind of told me otherwise. Whatever was going on we have not spoken for about nineteen years.
5. What are your top 5 reasons to break up with someone?
I am in a marraige that is getting close to celebrating its eighteenth anniversary so my answers to this question are going to be more focussed on breakups of non-primary romantic type relationships.
- It is no longer enough about me. This applies to play or friends with benefits. I am a fairly accomodating and very keen to make other people happy but Gemma Jones is a sex goddess and she deserves some worship. If that isn’t happening then I am off to find a more deserving worshipper.
- They are draining my emotional energy. Some people always seem to have some kind of drama happening in their life. These are people who are always grateful for emotional support but who always seem to be absorbed in their own drama and can’t return the favour when you need it.
- They are always complaining about their problems but never seem to want to get off their arse and do something about it. Seriously, maybe the reason you are always broke is because you spend your money on stupid crap! Maybe instead of complaining about the job you hate you should go out and get a new one.
- They are just idiots. I spend a lot of my working day dealing with teenagers and adults who don’t seem to possess basic life skills. I don’t need to be doing that in my leisure time. If you can’t make intelligent conversation that holds my attention you are going to lose me. In fact sometimes conversation is overrated. If you want to fuck then don’t waste a lot of my play time with conversation.
- Like the cartoon says, they just stop calling. I am extremely self conscious about pushing myself on to people. So if I don’t get a response when I text or message and I get turned down when I try to make plans to catch up I will stop calling and asking.
Bonus: Post an image you find erotic? What about it arouses you?
This is actually a photo that was part of some wallpaper in a pub that Mr Jones and I visited recently. I think that there isn’t enough sexual images of men that have a heterosexual focus in the general public domain. What I love about this image is the shyness of him but the fact that he is still being sexual. It makes me want to explore him.