Choosing the Red Pill

Image by Septimiu Balica from Pixabay

As many of you will know Mr Jones and myself have spent the last six months sailing a yacht up and down the Queensland coast. While I was alway I was asked by a friend to make a video explaining what I thought it meant to be alive as part of a project she was working on to celebrate the anniversary of a person very close to her. I was unsure of what to do but as I was sitting on the outer Barrier Reef watching the sunrise I made a completely off the cuff video. Sitting on a yacht rocking in the ocean after a bad night’s sleep I had a realisation that being alive was not all about joy and happiness. The anxiety and fear that made up a lot of my voyage was part of being alive. Here I was living in a way that many people never get the chance to. My environment was the ocean, the creatures that live in and on it. Everything was pure and a lot of the issues that take up so much of our emotional energy every day were background noise. 

As my journey came to an end I was asked by many people “How are you going to cope with the real world?” I began to reject the idea that where they were was the real world. I became even more connected to sunrises and sunsets and habitually took the time to really see what I was surrounded by. Most people cannot comprehend this lifestyle. Many people imagined that I was experiencing what they experience on their two week resort vacation over an extended period of time. The reality, my reality, was very different. There was sunset drinks most days. They didn’t come with a fancy umbrella but rather in an ordinary insulated cup. We ate but it was food similar to every day home made food with no frills. In fact it was one of the best diets I have ever encountered. I lost 10 kilos while still having some chocolate and at least one drink every day. I never felt as if I was missing out. 

There were a lot of times, especially in the beginning where I was anxious. Being away from the things that make up your every day life is like standing naked in front of a crowd. All of the creature comforts of every day life were stripped away and I was exposed in front of the ocean and nature. The ocean wasn’t always calm and stunning shades of blue. Sometimes it was grey and confused. The wind wasn’t always a gentle breeze. Sometimes it was strong and came thundering down valleys in gusts that pushed us around on our anchor. Sometimes we spent nights awake and fretting about being pushed onto a reef or some rocks. It was in these moments that, despite my fear, I became alive. Not happy and drugged with creature comforts and stimulation of the internet but living and feeling the real world. 

I was introduced to the pop culture reference to “blue pill thinking” by Mike at Marriage Sex and More. Mike uses this term to refer to many male ideas about accepting a bad marriage as the way of the world and using this acceptance as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for their situation and taking steps to change it but the wider idea of the ‘blue pill’ is about becoming immersed in these creature comforts and accepting the chains of employment and adult responsibilities of mortgages and acquiring stuff as a necessary part of life. Rejecting this thinking is part of the cruising life. To make this voyage I took unpaid leave from my job. I risked going back to work after everyone had been there without me for six months. We risked missing moments with our family but we were free. There was no employer or bank dictating where we went or what we did. All of the consequences of our choices were on us and we were free. Living in the red pill world. 

In the past Mr Jones and I took three months to take our children in a caravan to some remote and very iconic parts of Australia. The journey required similar risks. Leaving our house and business in the hands of others, leaving jobs and living in a no frills way. We met many other families doing the same thing. What we all had in common was choices that we made that involved risk and going against the grain. After our return many of our friends were amazed by our journey and several of them expressed the desire to take on a similar journey “when the time is right” 

For people like this often the time is never right. There is never a perfect time to undertake a journey. That is part of rejecting the blue pill. There are always people to leave behind, always a job or some financial commitment to fulfil. There is always the feeling that something that matters will be somehow incomplete or not right. Sure I could argue that leaving my job for six months left me exposed to someone undermining me. Leaving my eighteen year old daughter to fend for herself was irresponsible parenting. But these things are not insurmountable. The universe works how it works and when I am on my death bed the thing I will hold in my heart will be sunsets and connection to country, not a million mundane moments of getting ready for work and making dinner. 

So what is real? That routine stuff, driving to work, dealing with traffic, paying bills. That is just white noise. Reality is the spinning of the Earth and watching the sun go down with a drink in your hand. 

The Red Pill for Women

I blogged recently about Red pill versus blue pill thinking from a male perspective. Or rather a woman’s ideas about a man changing from a blue pill to a red pill thinker. I have also explained my thoughts about the biology of female attraction to Alpha males as opposed to their entrapment of betas. It would be generalising to say that all men who are Alphas are red pill men and all betas are blue pill but the similarities are there. All this is awesome but can a woman “Choose the Red pill”?

I think the answer is yes. There are women out there who are stronger and more dominant than others. I am not talking about the Karens of the world here. I am talking about the women who command respect through achievement and integrity, not through being the one who will complain to the manager or is the queen bee of her friendship group.

How not to be a 'Karen' - ABC Everyday

Several years ago, I was part of a group of mothers who all had children in the same year level at the primary school that The Unicorn attended with her brother. We celebrated several girls’ nights. Which were essentially shared meals at a local pub where alcohol was consumed, and gossip swapped. At the time I was blogging, and I had just started studying Education. I was a bit more relaxed about hiding my lifestyle and several of these women knew about my writing, if not the more sordid details of my ‘after dark’ persona.

The conversations on these evenings were varied and often controversial. Something I found amusing. When it came to sex there was not a “type” among us. One member of the group would be what many would call prudish. Sex was not her thing, porn was confusing to her and her knowledge of the female body, including her own, was limited. She found our different ideas and experiences interesting but still maintained sex was not for her. Perhaps she was asexual? Another member of the group fell into the more common stereotype. That is, she complained about how her husband “harassed her” for sex. Interestingly there was another woman who complained about the exact opposite.

There is a train of thought that suggests that all of us should have been entering our sexual prime. We were still young, fit, and healthy. Our children had started school and the constant grind of dealing with small children was lessening. We no longer had to micromanage every moment of the lives of small beings and our partners were more than capable of stepping up. Clearly because we were out together completely free of children and husbands and the need to think about what was for dinner or if everyone ate it. This was our time.

A woman who was strong could take that opportunity to become a Red pill woman. In the movie that spawned the Red vs blue ideal, The Matrix; the female lead, Trinity, is the epitome of a Red Pill woman. She is a true badass and can look after herself. She is not afraid to tell men to go fuck themselves when they are not strong enough for her taste. Additionally, she has and amazing wardrobe! Our culture supresses women like this. We fill little girl’s heads with Disney stories that all revolve around women seeking their prince charming and finding their forever love. Even more modern versions of Disney Princesses such as Rapunzel and Elsa still have a love interest as a primary goal. Despite all of the hype that they were pioneers, breaking the Disney mould.

The Matrix Reloaded | Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss)

But amongst our little group there were women who were still playing the victim. Complaining about how demanding their husbands are or how weak they are. It is a trap that is easy to fall into, sitting with a group of women making fun of the men in the world. Laughing at how stupid, inept and generally disappointing they are. A woman who was my hairdresser for many years would complain how her husband never let his sons take dance classes “because it was gay!” (not going to touch that topic as offensive as it is). Her complaint was that he was turning his sons into the kind of men who sat around got drunk and said and did stupid stuff. Not a desirable feature I will admit but the irony of this situation is that her husband WAS that guy and SHE married him.

Choosing the red pill is not about totally opposing everything in your life that you don’t like. It is not about trying to change other people; that is impossible. It is about changing yourself. It is about making yourself happy. Women are notorious for not asking directly for what they want or worse, downplaying the importance of what they want, and then complaining when they don’t get what they want. Even something as simple as saying “no” when they are approached by a man is out of some women’s capabilities. We deflect and make excuses and then complain when he doesn’t get the hint.

For women choosing the Red pill is about owning what you want. A Red pill woman doesn’t make excuses. She says no, and she doesn’t take other people’s crap. When she is asked, she will tell you what she wants and if you aren’t up to it she will also tell you. Red pill women don’t complain about their appearance or their bodies. They are proud. So, what if I am curvy? I like cake and curves are sexy. If there is something I want to change then I will change it in my own time, in my own way. So what if you don’t like something about me? Your ideas about me are actually none of my business.

Changing or maintaining your thinking is difficult. It takes work. It often requires you to cut ties with people who are firmly entrenched in the negative, blue pill, way. Sometimes you have to physically avoid certain situations so you don’t get sucked in to that hole. But at the end of the day it is definitely worth it.