Recently I have joked to a couple of my chat friends that I am thinking about becoming celibate. They think the concept is hilarious. In their minds and probably in their fantasies I am still the sex goddess I was when they met me. I guess in some ways I am. In many others I am not.
The last couple of years have seen a lot of changes in my life. I think, finally, I have become a grownup. I have a real job; one where I have to be responsible all the time. I am currently the only person in my household that actually has a full time job so in some ways I am kind of the breadwinner. No not really, that would be too much grown up even for me. For the first time in a long time I am thinking about the future and the direction that I want to steer my life. Probably the most grown up thing a person can do.
What, I hear you ask, have either of those things got to do with not being a sex goddess? The answer is actually not very much. Other than my headspace is not constantly occupied with thoughts or plans for the next adventure. Something that was a key part of being a sex goddess. These days when people ask me about my fucket list my answer is; “Fucket list, oh yeh I remember what one of those is”
I just realised; another key indicator of being a grown up, I use semi colons in my writing. Or is that a side effect of being a teacher? I don’t know but it a bit freaky, here I am pouring my heart out to the void of the Internet and I am ticking off grammar and sentence structure in my head. I need a really good fuck.
So we were talking about fucket lists. I remember that I have often said I don’t like to have a specific list. But I guess that I kind of did. I kind of remember what was on it. Right now my fucket list consists of; have sex with my husband, have sex with Engineer X. Not necessarily in that order. Logistics seem to get in the way a lot these days. People think that having small children is a drag on your sex life. Those people really have no idea. Mainly because they are yet to experience having teenagers living with you. Small children don’t know, or care, if they walk in on you having sex. They are not scarred by the experience. What’s more they go to bed at a sensible hour meaning you can actually have pre sex on the couch before you start falling asleep. Teenagers don’t do that. They want to stay up and share their rubbish idea of what is good TV and make it awkward if you want to make sexy jokes with your husband. What’s worse is they don’t go to bed nice and early so that you can invite over some special people or when you get dressed to go out and meet said special people they ask all kinds of questions about where you are going.
Actually my teenagers have kind of got the hint that asking too many questions is not a good idea so I guess I have trained them to a certain extent but it is still awkward getting out the door some days. Mr Jones is much more concerned about that kind of thing that me. I feel more comfortable being relatively candid. He does not. So we land somewhere in between which is, by definition, awkward. I guess I just have to keep telling myself that it is only temporary. Not that I am expecting them to move out but I am definitely not going to sugar coat things for my eighteen year old children just to spare them some awkwardness. That is just creating a rod for your own back.
It seems I have worked through and dismissed my standard list of excuses for not being sexy enough so now I am left with a task; hang up my goddess cape or stop making excuses. My friends are right, hanging up the cape is a hilarious idea. Hilarious because it is so unlikely. And because I simply don’t want to. As much as Mr Jones is irritating me right now he is just going to have to get out his impressive junk and use it on me. Because a happy wife makes for a happy life and to be happier I need more sex in my life.
Thanks for listening Internet Void, you are the best therapist ever.
Yes I am going there. In the years I have been blogging I have always been very careful about making such comments as the one above. In my swinging life I have been less careful when in the company of people who either are well endowed or who are pragmatic enough to understand the concept. This post was prompted by some experiences with men of a certain ethnic backgrounds that kind of demonstrated that stereotypes about size and ethnicity are just that, stereotypes and should always be taken with a grain of salt.
So before the trolls start getting wound up let’s make something very clear. I don’t walk around with a ruler saying to prospective partners “you must be this long to enter”. I am about the whole package. A caring man who gives pleasure is very welcome whatever the size of his appendage. Just as an uncaring man with a donkey sized appendage is not. There is some discussion about length versus width a lot of which has merit. In short there are three variables, length, width and effort; the combination of these three is how it works, not an excess of one factor. Yes I am a mathematics teacher and so I did get a little excited when I saw this graph in Imagur which I feel explains it perfectly
As the graph shows there are two red zones, “let me get my magnifying glass” and “don’t even think about touching me with that extra arm” of course these zones vary from woman to woman. For me they are significant enough to mean that size definitely matters, just not in every case.
So the story…..
This one night Mr Jones and I went out it had been a while since we had gone to an adult venue. At the moment we are in a phase in our relationships where we are focussing on each other. For me that means encouraging Mr Jones and boosting his confidence while minimising the attention I get from men, single or otherwise. This is the source of some frustration for me but that is a topic for another post. On this night there was this guy. I am not sure why but he seemed attractive, there was not a lot on offer. Anyway after some conversation the four of us, Mr Jones, me, the guy and Mrs Guy ended up naked. Looking at the graph above he fell well into the red zone on the left. I mean, when he was fully erect I could press my face against his belly and not even feel his cock near the back of my mouth, let alone at the back of my throat. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, I am generous like that.
Generosity did not pay off. In the effort stakes he sucked. The only redeeming quality of the evening was that Mrs Guy was amazing in a I find you fascinating, sexy and I want to be your friend on a lot of different levels way. A few weeks later we ran into her again. I freaked out when I saw her with a dark skinned man because I assumed it would be the same guy. I was very relieved when it wasn’t. New Dark Skinned Man turned out to be well and truly towards the middle of my graph with very high scores on the effort level. I like New Dark Skinned Man and hope I get to see him again sometime.
The awkwardness happened when Intriguing Lady turned up in our lives for a third time with Mr Dissapointment. In the light of reality and less randiness he didn’t even seem attractive. Fortunately the situation was a no nakedness situation. So the awkwardness was kept to a minimum. Just for the record I am definitely NOT going there again. The moral of the story; like Caucasians,Asian men vary in size, personality and sexiness. For me, the bulk of them are not that sexy but my experiences have opened my eyes a little.
Urban Dictionary, that internet repository of popular wisdom gives several different definitions for the term cuckhold. This is my favourite one;
A husband or long term boyfriend who either likes to watch his wife with other men or is forced to watch. Often there are different levels of humiliation involved such as chastity, financial, sissification, etc. Terms surrounding cuckold include cuckolded, hotwife, bull, lover, etc.
I don’t like to think of myself as having a ‘type’ but when considering prospective partner there are a few characteristics that are known weaknesses. One of them is baldness, another is size. Not just penis size but physical size. I am not a short woman, nor am I slender but on the odd occasion that I meet a man who can manhandle me…. well you get the picture. One of the first men I met on my journey into non-monogamy was such a man, but we digress.
Big Al is one such man. He doesn’t have the height of others in my past but he has the breadth and physical strength. He is or was a fireman, did I mention the two uniforms that I find the most attractive are firemen and the high visibility type that miners and road construction workers wear?
I met him on an internet dating site. The details aren’t important but what is important is that after a while we met in person at a meet and greet evening. Of course the group we were with ended up at a strip club. It was my first visit to such a venue and I was a little preoccupied with observing the technique of professional pole dancers but not so much that I could ignore him. The vibe of the evening was unusual for us (meaning Mr and Mrs Jones). We are used to swingers clubs where everything is on the table but even though this was a self proclaimed group of swingers we were still a little unsure of the signals. Maybe it was because we were in a mainstream venue I am not sure but I managed to communicate my interest, to the bemusement of the dancer who was talking to us. He had communicated his but that night was not the right time.
The right time came later after some negotiations, otherwise known as flirting. We found ourselves in a hotel room, thanks to an unexpected last minute house guest. To start with things seemed awkward, I guess he wasn’t used to the concept of “hello let’s fuck” but after two years of meeting Pet in a hotel room I kind of expect to get jumped as soon as I walked in the door. We kissed in the doorway of the bathroom and then somehow went from fully clothed and standing upright to me in a bikini and him in boxers. There was some discussion of checking out the hotel pool until I asked the question “Really? You want to swim?”
Then he was kneeling between my legs as I sprawled on the bed. He pulled aside the crotch of my bikini so that he could examine me before he started to run his tongue around my cunt. He was good, there is nothing like the feel of a tongue giving just the right pressure, he held my hips and explored deeper as I writhed in response to him. I could feel the buildup of pressure but I fought it. I wasn’t sure if he knew what to expect. Despite my best efforts I felt s small jet of warm liquid escape, his response was to to grip me harder and bury his face deeper. I relaxed a little and let more of my juice squirt into his mouth, he drank it all greedily before licking me clean and standing over me telling me what a good girl I was.
Another trigger point. This man seemed to be ticking so many boxes, I didn’t have a hope. I sat up and removed the last of my clothingas he pulled down his shorts. His cock was hard as a rock and stuck out straight in front of him. I pulled him towards me so that I could explore him with my lips and tongue, swilling my tongue around the head of his cock before sliding my lips down his warm velvety shaft. My throat opened slightly as I pressed my lips against his belly holding his entire length inside my mouth for a moment before I started moving up and down his cock alternating between taking his entire length in my mouth and gripping his shaft with one hand while I teased his head.
His excitement infected me as I sucked him I could not resist humping the bed like a dog in heat. Everything was so sexy and I was so caught up in everything. We separated for a moment and he suggested a breather but I couldnt stop. I rolled over and out my ass in the air demanding without words a good hard fucking. I wanted to be pounded with the cock that I had sucked so well.
He didn’t dissapoint. He filled me with his cock, holding my hips as he eased himself into me. The room was filled with the sound of my groans of pleasure. His balls slapped against my clit in time with his thrusts sending small shudders of pleasure through me. I felt myself becoming engulfed by his power and strength. It was what I had been searching for without realising. I felt complete.
After a couple of sharp slaps on my arse he eased himself out of me and pulled me on top of him. For a moment we wrestled as he tried to slide his cock inside me, I resisted playing his cock over my clit triggering small gushes of liquid that covered his belly and slid down over his hips to leave we spots on the bed. He loved it grunting with pleasure and encouraging me to cover him in my juices.
“We need to send your Hubby some pictures of you being fucked by your Bull.” He said.
I reached for my phone and handed it to him unlocking it so that he could take pics. For longer than I expected he gave instructions about looking at him and complimenting me on the way my hair fell. I ground my hips into his filling myself with his cock and moaning with pleasure. Subconsciously I leaned back putting pressure on my G-spot triggering a jet of liquid over his belly. His arousal reverberated through me awakening a desire to feel his orgasm. It is like a primal urge in me the desire to watch an man’s face as he climaxes inside me. The sensation of his climax often triggers my own.
This time it wasn’t to be. We were new lovers and things were a little awkward still. Sometimes these things take a little practise. I was rewarded with a view of his cum jetting out of his cock towards my mouth as he wanked himself to full climax. I slid my lips down over his shaft letting his cum fill my mouth and slide down my throat. He seemed to climax forever. Just when he was still and I thought he was done another spasm would shudder through him. I had not seen multiple orgasms in a man since my experiences with Mr Fix It. It was a beautiful thing to see such decadent pleasure in a man and to know that I was the reason that he was reaching those heights. Quickly I snapped a photo of his cum dripping down my chin to send to my husband to let him know that I was covered in another man’s cum. If he had been there I would have kissed him and filled his mouth with Big Al’s cum to let him taste the sweetness of him. Maybe next time.
I don’t really believe in playing games with relationships so the idea of testing someone’s love is foreign to me. Having said that I have been married for 18 years and of course there have been many times when you would say that my relationship has been tested. We are still together so I guess you can say that things have turned out well.
2. Select the answer that best fits your experience. I have dated:
a. all the wrong people
b. romantic companions that were mostly a good fit for me.
c. people that were perfect fits–loves at first sight
d. not all that much, I mainly have had a lot of long term relationships
As I stated in question one I have been married for 18 years but prior to that I was mostly d. I didn’t really date all that much. Since we opened our marraige I have dated a lot but not in the traditional sense. The results of this dating are splashed all over this and my Erotic Adventures blog. I will leave you to do the research and make your own conclusion
3. Online dating: What is your success rate? What do you consider success?
So as I already said I date, primarily from online sources. Of course the motivation for this dating is not to find a relationship in the traditional sense. I am seeking sexual adventure and experiences that most people fantasise about, if they are brave enough. In terms of success it has been very hit and miss. I have written about both of these. I have been fortunate to have some extraordinary adventures but they have not been something that comes along every day. You really have to sort through a lot of rubble to find the gems.
4. What sexual thing do you do most often that you could commit to doing everyday?
A realist will be very aware of the fact that doing something every day is a great way to make it a chore. Experience tells me that making anything sexual a chore is a good way to cause problems in your marraige, so sorry to be a party pooper but I am not going to entertain the idea of doing anything sexual every day.
5. What are your thoughts on love and lust?
There is definitely a difference between a lust based relationship and a love based relationship. The line when a relationship crosses from one realm into another is very, very blurry and differs from person to person and situation to situation. There is absolutely no way that real love resembles in any way the saccharine sweet Disney version of love that we are sold as children. In my experience real love is practical, it has lots of lumps and bumps and does not come in one size fits all.
Lust is hot intense and rears its head in all sorts of situations. It is definitely a roller coaster ride and like all roller coasters great for a holiday treat but not something you necessarily want in your life every day.
Bonus: Are you searching for love or are you searching for attention?
I believe I have already found love with all of its imperfections, practicalities and pragmatism. I have built a partnership over 18 years that has raised children, built a comfortable life and sustained ourselves and a number of friends through some interesting times. I am searching now for the roller coaster ride. Maybe I have become a bit of a junkie or maybe a connoisseur but as I have said many times I am a goddess and, yes, it is all about me.
As always make sure you head in over to the TMI Tuesday site for more TMI goodness.
So I kind of liked this set of TMI questions as well so I decided to extend the TMI double to s triple.
BFFs, sex, and break-ups
Not too bad actually. Getting to the pointy end of term which means an insane amount of work that needs to be packed into a ridiculously short space of time but the consolation is that I am facing two weeks of holidays coming at me. There has to be some perks associated with this job.
2. You are given a strong but soft to the touch (and on the skin) rope. What will you do? (pick just one). Explain your choice.
a. Throw it in the garage to use later to tie down a tarp or something.
b. Use it for indoor wall rock climbing.
c. Tie up your lover and have your way with him/her.
d. Lasso your secret crush and take them with you.
Definitely c). Why? Because it is rather intoxicating having that much power over someone and an even bigger turn on tantalising them with sensual pleasure punctuated with reminders that I have the power to cause pain. Life is meant to be lived on the edge.
3. Give three reasons why you or anyone should masturbate.
- You are insanely horny. Not just waking up with an erection so to speak but that knawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that means your pelvis jerks involuntarily from time to time.
- You have been wearing jeans or knickers all day that have a seam that just rubs you in that spot and you have teased yourself stupid with it.
- To remind a partner that they are not indispensable and that you are capable of giving yourself pleasure without any attached drama.
4. Would you have sex with your best friend? Have you had sex with a best friend in the past? How’d that work out–did you stay friends?
Once, a very long time ago I did have sex with someone who was my “best friend”. It is probably worth mentioning that we did date for a little while before we became friends. I guess that is an indicator that there probably was some residual feelings left. Interestingly he was not particularly impressed when I started dating my husband and the last conversation I had with him was when I announced my engagement. At the time when we had sex I was under the impression that he was not interested in pursuing a relationship. However his reaction to my engagement kind of told me otherwise. Whatever was going on we have not spoken for about nineteen years.
5. What are your top 5 reasons to break up with someone?
I am in a marraige that is getting close to celebrating its eighteenth anniversary so my answers to this question are going to be more focussed on breakups of non-primary romantic type relationships.
- It is no longer enough about me. This applies to play or friends with benefits. I am a fairly accomodating and very keen to make other people happy but Gemma Jones is a sex goddess and she deserves some worship. If that isn’t happening then I am off to find a more deserving worshipper.
- They are draining my emotional energy. Some people always seem to have some kind of drama happening in their life. These are people who are always grateful for emotional support but who always seem to be absorbed in their own drama and can’t return the favour when you need it.
- They are always complaining about their problems but never seem to want to get off their arse and do something about it. Seriously, maybe the reason you are always broke is because you spend your money on stupid crap! Maybe instead of complaining about the job you hate you should go out and get a new one.
- They are just idiots. I spend a lot of my working day dealing with teenagers and adults who don’t seem to possess basic life skills. I don’t need to be doing that in my leisure time. If you can’t make intelligent conversation that holds my attention you are going to lose me. In fact sometimes conversation is overrated. If you want to fuck then don’t waste a lot of my play time with conversation.
- Like the cartoon says, they just stop calling. I am extremely self conscious about pushing myself on to people. So if I don’t get a response when I text or message and I get turned down when I try to make plans to catch up I will stop calling and asking.
Bonus: Post an image you find erotic? What about it arouses you?
This is actually a photo that was part of some wallpaper in a pub that Mr Jones and I visited recently. I think that there isn’t enough sexual images of men that have a heterosexual focus in the general public domain. What I love about this image is the shyness of him but the fact that he is still being sexual. It makes me want to explore him.
It is TMI bonus week. When I went to write my post for this week I discovered a half written post from s couple of weeks ago. At the time I discarded it because it put me in a bad headspace. Today however I have reclaimed myself, I am woman hear me roar! So read my words and hopefully learn from my experiences.
1. Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?I have indeed had some bad sex in my life. The first time I had sex was a real let down. The guy had a big dick, he had no idea I was a virgin and I was a notch on his bedpost. It was never going to end well.
Since then I have had probably way too much bad sex. Mainly as a result of me not speaking up and saying no when I should have. I have a chronic problem with needing to please people and this leads to me giving them what they want even when it is hurting me emotionally and physically. As I get older I am getting better at saying no and, more importantly, the people around me are getting better at recognising the signs when I am giving more than I should.
2. Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?
See above. I can’t think of many times when my partner has walked away unsatisfied but I am sure my dissatisfaction with the situation rubs off sometimes.
3. What instantly puts you in a bad mood?
Earlier in my marraige sex became a commodity that was given out to keep the peace. I guess it was symptomatic of a lot of other unspoken things that were happening at the time. Also it was a result of my screwed up Catholic upbringing. What ever the reason I got into the habit of giving ‘mercy sex’. This kind of sex gave little pleasure for me and the feeling of seeing someone get pleasure from my body without any of that feeling for me was an instant mood killer.
4. Have you been hurt during a sexual activity? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?
Emotionally I have been hurt a lot (see above). Physically not so much. Sometimes there has been discomfort during sex but I am generally careful to not be physically harmed. I guess I have been fortunate, or careful, not have chosen a partner that will hurt me physically.
5. During sex, what instantly turns you off?
There are a few things that are mood killers when in the flirting stage. One of these is body odour and other is cigarette odour. Once the clothes start to come off body odour again can become an issue. Especially if a guy has a lot of pubic hair and it has that smell that happens when it isn’t clean. Another thing that is a mood killer for me is when a guy is sweating a lot and it drips off his face onto mine. I hate it.
6. Bad sex–is there really such a thing?
Ohhh yes!!!! I think I have described a few situations in this post. Other things that can result in bad sex;
- A small penis. I know it is politically incorrect but I am picky about size. It doesn’t have to be massive but if it is smaller than average then you better know how to use it!
- A malfunctioning penis. Guys this is the age of medical enhancement. Situations involving onlookers or unfamiliar surroundings WILL cause issues. Get some viagra.
- Not being comfortable. I am not necessarily talking about unfamiliar situations more like not being confident that you are attractive or being made to feel like you are just a living breathing sex doll. It may work for some but not for me.
Bonus: Biting during sex–
a. do you like it?
When I am a little bit aroused on gentle biting around my neck is a huge turn on.
b. do you do it?
I must admit I do. In an encounter with pet I got a bit carried away with biting and left some significant bruises. What surprised me about that situation was how turned on I got by doing it.
For more TMI goodness head to the TMI page.
I was prompted to write this post by a comment I read on Facebook about a woman who punched a guy in a bar because he touched her without her permission. Now the comment did not elaborate about exactly where she was touched or even how many times he touched her before she punched him. I think it is reasonable to assume it wasn’t a tap on the shoulder to get her attention and it is likely he was told to stop touching her that way and he ignored that instruction. In which case his touching was neither warranted nor reasonable. I want to make it clear right at the start that this post is not going to be a feminist rant about men who think they have the right to touch women whenever, wherever and however they like. There is plenty of stuff on the net about that. What sprang to mind when I read this comment was a situation I came accross in a club a couple of years ago.
I met a woman who was very flirtatious. She was at the event with a man who was very touchy-feely and had to put in his place a couple of times that night but interestingly his girlfriend was acting in a very similar way. Somehow she got the idea that I like being randomly slapped on the ass as she walked past me. I am not saying that I was entirely against the idea but it was a little bit more than I was used to. What made me sit up and take notice was that when I returned the favour she rounded on me with a tirade about how that kind of thing made her uncomfortable because of her history of being physically abused.
Her story may very well have been true but in my mind you should not put out what you are not prepared to recieve. Particularly without explicit agreement. The other aspect of this whole scenario that Mr Jones was very keen to point out to me was that she was “getting away” with giving physical attention in a way that was not usually acceptable for men to give simply because she is a woman. He was right of course. Women do get away with giving a whole bunch of physical attention to both men and women that simply would not be acceptable for a man to give. It is no surprise that men become frustrated and resentful when they see clearly demonstrated a double standard.
What makes it even harder for men is that a lot of women will accept behaviour from a guy they find attractive that they will not accept from a guy that they don’t. Attractive guys don’t ask for permission before they touch any more than guys who aren’t attractive. Mostly they don’t have to deal with a slap accross the face as a rejection and so men who are less attractive but still perfectly nice find themselves wondering if it is worth daring to cross the minefield. The ones who are not so nice end up giving physical attention whenever and wherever they like because they are working on the premise that it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to seek permission.
And we wonder where all the nice guys went?
The swing scene is a little more clear with the touching with permission thing. All respectable clubs and parties have very clearly stated rules indicating that touching without permission is a no-no. But still people are people and the rules get bent. Especially with women. Since the incident with the arse slapping I have been more conscious of my tendency to get touchy freely with people and I take care to make sure I have consent before I touch anyone. It feels a bit weird to actually verbalise this but once you get used to it is not so bad. Most people appreciate the respect. It hasn’t changed other people’s idea of what is acceptable and what is not and I still find myself having to tell both men and women that my nipples are not there to be tweaked painfully even if they are on display. Some people just have no self control.
I guess the reality is that we all have difficulty giving a clear and honest indication to others about what we do and don’t want and as a result a whole culture of game playing has evolved. Unfortunately because no one wants to explain the rules clearly there are no rules.
As always make sure that you check out the other TMI participants at the TMI Tuesday page.
1. Have you ever devoted an entire day to sex and sexual activity (with breaks for eating, etc)? Was it planned or spontaneous? Any kinky fun?
In the days before full time work I had a couple of memorable occasions when I spent most of the time between when the children left for school and when I had to go and pick them up again with a playmate. These occasions were usually planned mostly because logistics required them to be. Looking back now they were amazing times when I felt more relaxed and in touch with my sexuality than at any other time.
Mostly it was about fucking and exploring each other’s bodies but when Pet came on the scene I started with some kink. I made it a rule that he must undress before he entered the house, on one occasion I took off the underwear I was wearing and told him to put it on. Later, after we ‘took off the sexual edge’ so to speak, I had my first experience of anal fisting which was very surprising for me and incredibly pleasurable for him.
2. Have you had sex simultaneously with two or more people in a private residence? Did you know them well or was it a setup casual encounter?
Ocassionally during my daytime romps Mr Jones would come home for lunch and join in the fun. He enjoys coming home and finding me being throughly fucked by someone, watching through a crack in the bedroom door and then sneaking in to join the activity.
3. Have you gone out in public wearing an anal plug or vibrator device?
This is something I have thought about a lot. It is not something I have ever managed to engineer. The closest I have ever come is going to do the grocery shopping once with a pair of legal / orgasm balls inserted. It started out well but my muscles tired during the expedition and they ended up slipping a little.
Again this is something I have thought about a lot. I have on occasions played with holding off an orgasm while masturbating but I wouldn’t call it control as such. I am very much into instant gratification and it does go against my nature. When I am with a partner I love the feeling of watching, participating in their orgasm so much that to deny them would be unthinkable.
Maybe , one day, if I ever find a man who I would call my Dom he may decide to introduce me to orgasm control.
5. Do you like being called dirty names during sex? What names get you off the best?
Talking during sex is not something I enjoy a lot. Mr Jones likes it and I have gotten used to a certain amount of it over the years but as a rule it is not something I enjoy. Usually we just share fantasies or ideas, but being called dirty names is not something I am really used to. I think if someone were to do it I would find it more off putting than arousing.
Bonus: The confessional is open–confess anything you want (sexual or not)
Hmmm so many options, so little time to write them down. This is not an especially shocking confession but at the moment my number one fantasy is to meet a man who is physically larger than me and capable of manhandling me. By that I mean. Able to lift me off the ground and push me into whatever position he desires. It really turns me on to think about being the fuck toy of a strong powerful man that can take me and use me for his pleasure.
Of course I am a little afraid that the reality of this fantasy would be too confronting to be pleasurable but it is still a very hot fantasy.
A couple of years ago I was essentially a stay at home Mum. My time was my own and there was no real demands on my time. Nor were there any real consequences to be feared from people finding out about my alternative marriage arrangements. The only aspect of my life that conflicted with my marriage choice was a parent at my children’s Catholic primary school discovering my secret and using it against them in some way. Even that issue was not particularly concerning to me. At that time in my life I believed that the path to more people accepting non-monogamy was more non-monogamous people being more open about their lifestyle.
Four years ago I started a teaching degree which I completed and in due course I commenced working as a teacher. It turned out that being Gemma took up an awful lot of time. Time that I suddenly found I didn’t have. Consequently my Erotic Adventures became fewer and further between. I found myself regressing into the person I was before Gemma came along. My sex life found itself squeezed into the tiny cracks in time that came along very infrequently. Getting into the headspace where I could truly let myself go and live in the sexual moment has become incredibly difficult.
Along with the lack of opportunity my desire to even consider being Gemma has become very sporadic. It’s a kind of chicken and egg thing really. Does the lack of opportunity create less Gemma or does the smaller amount of Gemma headspace mean I don’t create opportunity? Either way the effect is the same, a lot of work and not much playing.
I have been down this road before. At a time when I have two small children and was hell bent on being a throughly modern woman who had a career and still manage be a perfect mother. I refused to ask for help then and my marriage went almost to breaking point. I am afraid of the same thing happening again even though I know the warning signs.
Even though I have journeyed through something like this and made it out the other side I still worry that I won’t be able to avoid falling into the same trap. And if I do fall into that trap I won’t be able to get out a second time. Or even better avoid the trap altogether,
It is a challenge. A lot of days I think keeping Gemma alive is not worth the effort. I think I would have a quieter life if I just let her die her death. Writing this post I have realised that her existence is important. I have to find a way to keep her alive both in my mind and in reality. I have to find a way to open up more time and headspace for her. The consequences of not finding that space are not worth considering.
All work and no play make Mrs Jones not worth keeping up with.
Fully, absolutely trust with my life? None. Mr Jones is the person I have the most trust in but I guess I have been let down by way too many people way too many times. While I was writing this it occurred to me that I probably need a dog in my life but I love my cat way too much. And while he is the most loving, affectionate and needy cat I have ever met he is still a cat and everyone knows cats are fickle creatures.
2. What are you excited for?
This is probably a bit sad but I am currently excited that this is hump week. Meaning the middle week of the term. When this week is over the next two weeks of school holidays are closer than the last lot. Which is always a great way for things to be.
3. Have you had sex today?
Considering it is 6.30 in the morning it isn’t surprising that the answer is no. I did have a dates with Pet planned for tonight but real life got in the way so at the moment there are no concrete plans for sex in the immediate future.
4. When was the last time you talked to someone until you fell asleep? What relation are they to you?
This is something that Mr Jones and I regularly do. Mostly because he is a night owl and I am an early bird. So we often end up in bed at night chatting because he is still wide awake. I usually end up falling asleep mid conversation because I am so exhausted from the day.
5. What is your opinion on sex before marriage?
Is this seriously an issue still? I think we need to wake up to the fact that saving yourself for marraige is such an outdated practise. It is as outdated as the idea that virginity is something of value. In my experience parents who push the idea to their kids that saving yourself is the right thing to do are doing more harm than good. This is because these parents are reluctant to help their children to learn the skills and information they need to make responsible sexual decisions and have a healthy confidence in their sexuality. Kids who are encouraged to save themselves or worse, given an abstinence based sex education ar set up to spend a large part of their sexual life missing out on truly expressing themselves because of all the hang ups their parents planted in their young impressionable minds.
I could rant some more but I suspect that I have made my point and any more would bore you.
Bonus: Does your present lover know any of your past lovers? How well?
All of my present lovers know about each other. Mr Jones is aware of most of my significant previous relationships and of course all of the ones I have had since we have been together. Does he know about every man I fucked when I was in my early twenties? Truthfully, that was such a long time ago that I don’t think I can even list them all. We have been married for seventeen years. Some guy I had a roll in the hay with when I was 20 is really not significant now.
PS I have just had a pre-posting read through this and realised I was a tiny bit grumpy when I wrote this. I think I need more meditation in my life.
If you would like more TMI goodness make sure you check out the other responses at the TMI Tuesday page.