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Trimming the Lawn

All those years again when Mr Jones and I stepped into the dating scene pubic hair was a big no-no. I had off and on experimented with pubic hair removal to fulfil fantasies or interests of Mr Jones but it wasn’t something I did regularly, I didn’t even really wax my bikini line. Suddenly I found myself regularly waxing. For the first time in my life I was regularly visiting a beautician. Caught up in the new adventures I was having I didn’t really consider the expense too much or the demands on my time particularly draining. As time went on regular waxing became a habit. I genuinely fulfilled that swinger stereotype of not being able to remember the last time I had pubic hair.Fast forward to now and Mr Jones and I have definitely slowed our level of activity. We visit clubs and the occasional party as a couple looking for other couples but we often hook up with single men for a threesome. Mr Jones doesn’t really feel the amount of effort involved in looking for a playmate is not always well rewarded so he tends not to bother. I am of a different opinion.I enjoy meeting different people and experiencing different situations so I put a bit more effort in and am rewarded with a few different experiences. And a certain amount of frustration. Sadly I have not found someone with the mind shattering sexual chemistry I experienced with Pet, but I have had some fun times. Due to the nature of my job my dating life has slowed considerably. My time has become quite limited so visits to the beautician are a thing of the past. Grooming these days is in the form of a quick shave just before heading out the door. A little while ago I had some play time with a European man who had a distinct preference for unshaved pubic hair. I did my best to please him but the best I could do was about four weeks growth. My reward was some intense sex and this very sexy photo After this experience I have become much more relaxed about going on dates with less than a perfectly shaved puss. In fact lately I have decided to grow the bush back. The novelty of having hair down there is a little stimulating. Mr Jones seems happy with this turn of events. He commented recently that it is fun to have something to stroke down there. So I think the hair is here to stay for the moment. Sorry potential playmates but if pubic hair is a deal breaker then you are not the guy for me.

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Perspective

The Colombian is very keen on having ‘adventures’ as he puts it. Most of what he intends is having sex in risky public places like parks, shopping centre change rooms, beaches etc. On the day we first met we found ourselves inside the fire escape stairs of a shopping centre. I was looking for a way to find my car but he was very keen to engage in other activities. To his disappointment I wasn’t up for that kind of thing. Which, upon reflection, is very unlike Gemma.

Since then we have visited a department store change room, and kind of gotten busted by the shop assistant. So I guess there are flashes of Gemma. A couple of weeks ago I was watching rubbish television with my family and we watched this ‘caught on camera’ kind of show featuring the things people do in a multi-story car park. Of course there wS a lot of version of people damaging boom gates in an attempt to avoid paying but also there were a quite a few snippets of people getting sexy in semi secluded corners of the building.

This particular show also featured a dramatisation of the control room where the cameras in the building are monitored showing the reactions of the people watching the action. Of course these people are tasked with making sure equipment such as boom gates and automatic payment machines are not damaged but they also monitor the behaviour of clientele and call the police if things get out of hand. The reactions portrayed to people having sex in stairs and corners were not positive. Instead of “how sexy” and “how daring” their standard response was more ” how gross” and “get a room!”

I felt a bit deflated watching it. I thought back to the recent change room shenanigans and I realised how pissed the sales assistant probably was and how disgusted she was. I felt a little ashamed. Which is stupid. We weren’t hurting anyone and we didn’t leave a mess for her to clean up so what is it to her? The same as the car park viewers. What is the problem? Who is the worst here? The people enjoying themselves and living in the moment or the people sitting around criticising as they watch camera footage?

It is an interesting paradigm. Like the picture above the reality depends on your viewpoint I guess, and the way you have been conditioned to think by the people around you. I think for all the value that Westerners put on being sexy, and the way we pride ourselves on being open minded we definitely have some very prudish ideas about sex.

The question remains; will I have stairwell sex with the Columbian if the opportunity arises? The answer is I honestly don’t know. I think I will definitely have to do a check for cameras first.

Dear Random Guy From Twitter

Dear Random Guy From Twitter,

There was a time when I enjoyed you sending me videos and pictures of you masturbating in the morning. It gave me a boost to think that someone thought about me in a sexual way. For a while I entertained thoughts of maybe meeting you and fucking some day. 

But time went on and I realised a few things;

  • I am not attracted to you. The more I look at your photos the more I see that I don’t like. And I makes me want to talk to you less. 
  • We aren’t going to meet. Not because of me but because of you. If you were genuinely interested you would have taken advantage of the several opportunities you have had. 
  • You aren’t really interested in me. I am just part of your spank bank. An interactive photo that you use to help you get off in the morning before you shower and go to work. 

So when I worry about being rude because I don’t reply to all your messages I need to remember to remind myself that you are just flicking though your stimulus and you probably don’t care. So happy hunting. I am busy. When I need a sexual boost and I am at that point again I will net you know. 

Sex Goddess Gemma. 

Whispers


It has been a very long while since I participated in Wicked Wednesday. In fact it has been a long while since I wrote any fiction. I am glad that I decided to challenge myself for the six weeks of  the Christmas Holidays. I hope you also enjoy my first piece of fiction in a long time.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us mum?” Alex’s piercing blue eyes shone with excitement as he looked up at his mother. Clare’s heart welled up as she reached down and stroked her son’s hair. 

“No,” she replied gently, “Mummy has a few things she needs to do this afternoon. I am sure that you will have a great time watching The Avengers with Aunty Sue.” She glanced over at her younger sister who replied with a wry smile. Sue was the tomboy of the family and nothing pleased her more than introducing her nephew to the joys of superhero movies and their gratuitous violence. 

“C’mon mate,” she reached for Alex’s hand, “we need to give ourselves enough time to get popcorn and frozen cokes.”

And with that they were gone. For a moment Clare stood stock still in the middle of her kitchen listening to the sound of the car reversing down the driveway before an unusual hush fell over the house. The walls that reverberated all day with Alex’s constant chatter and noisy play fell silent, the toys that were strewn over the lounge room floor seemed to collapse into an exhausted stupor. Clare assessed the state of the kitchen, breakfast and lunch dishes were stacked on the sink waiting for the dishwashing fairy to come and deal with them. Instinctively Clare moved towards the sink but a whisper of something at the back of her mind drew her attention to the swimming pool outside. Warm sun glinted on the water and for some reason she noticed the sun lounger sitting empty beside the pool. In her mind the whisper became louder, urging her to ignore her chores. 

A feeling of lethargy came over her and Clare began to feel like the toys in the lounge room; spent and empty of energy from being constantly in the presence of an excitable four year old. The sun lounger beckoned and Clare found herself moving towards the back door. Without consciously deciding she opened the sliding door and stepped out into the entertaining area. She paused for a moment beside the table to deposit her house dress and white t-shirt bra. Without thinking she hooked her thumbs into the waist of her knickers but caught herself in time. Nervously she glanced at the gap in the hedge that gave her a clear view of her neighbour’s deck, of course no one was home. What sane person would be home in the middle of the day? The whispering voice in her urged her to be naked in the sun. Without another moment’s contemplation she complied. 

The sun was delicious warming her skin, reminding her of days spent lying on beaches without having to worry about a child. Her nipples hardened as a sneaky breeze caressed her skin, unconsciously she opened her thighs slightly and let tbreeze caress her inner thighs. Her mind drifted away to unfamiliar eroticism. Her neighbour appeared at her side kneeling on the pavers beside her whispering in her ear. She couldn’t really hear what he was saying but the feel of his hot breath on her neck made her lift her hips towards him. His whispers became clearer,

“Such beautiful breasts,” his hand stroked the skin on the side of her breast before he trailed his fingers towards her firm, erect nipple. He took the dark pink peak between his finger and thumb and squeezed it gently. A jolt of sensation shot from her breast through her belly and a small gasp escaped her lips. 

“Such beautiful sensitive nipples,” he pitched her again, harder this time, before pulling her peak upwards, the sensation was intense and Clare found herself squirming on the warm plastic of the sun bed. Between her thighs she felt a a slow throb. As if he read her thoughts her neighbour trailed his fingers downwards over the small mound of her belly to stroke her thighs upwards. Her hips arched upwards, urging him closer to her throbbing cunt. With a small smile he teased her, stroking the mound of hair above her slit and tracing the line of her labia, wetness trickled out of her and a single word escaped her lips,

“Please,” she wanted to grasp his hand and shove it inside her but he held her wrist firmly.

“You have such nice manners,” his voice was hot on her neck before he bent down and touched her nipple with his toungue. As he lowered his lips down over her aureola his finger slid inside her opening teasing the sensitive spot just inside before sliding upwards over her swollen throbbing folds to gently touch her hard clit. He circled his finger around her clit before dipping it back into her well, juices flowed out of her covering his hand. 

“Someone is very horny,” his voice was almost a purr in her ear before he stood up beside her. He really was a magnificent man, his bare chest glistened in the sun as he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his green board shorts and slid them down over his narrow hips. Jutting out in front of his his cock was tipped with a small bead of moisture.

“See what you do to me,” he grinned down at her.

Clare was unable to think of anything to say she reached up and touched the tip of his cock, smearing the slippery liquid over the sensitive head. It was his turn to moan in pleasure as her hand gripped the warm hardness of his shaft. Her hand moved up and down pulling him towards her. For a few moments he allowed his cock to touch her lips, long enough for her tongue to taste the saltiness of his pre-cum before he pulled away to kneel between her thighs. He rested his cock against her opening teasing her before he slid himself slowly inside her filling her hungry wet cunt. The slow filling sent intense sensations shooting through her before he touched her clit with his thumb. 

She could hear his rough breathing matching her own small moans of pleasure as he thrust into her in time with the circling of his thumb around her clit. Pressure was building in both of them she could hear his breathing become rougher as he thruster harder and faster. Her hips arched upwards towards him pressing her clit against the slap of his belly .his fingers gripped her hips breaching her against his strength. Suddenly he held her firmly against him as he groaned in pleasure, in her cunt she could feel the throbbing of his cock as it emptied cum into her hungry cunt. A slight touch from his thumb sent her over the edge with him, moaning and writhing through the intense orgasm. 

A screen door slammed. Clare’s eyes flew open. Groggily she looked around slowly coming to the realisation that it had been a dream. Her thighs were slick with moisture, testament to how vivid the fantasy had been. Feeling slightly guilty she glanced through the gap in the hedge. Standing on the deck holding beer and gazing out into his back yard stood her neighbour, clad only in a pair of green board shorts. 

You’re Joking… Right?

Recently I have joked to a couple of my chat friends that I am thinking about becoming celibate. They think the concept is hilarious. In their minds and probably in their fantasies I am still the sex goddess I was when they met me. I guess in some ways I am. In many others I am not.

The last couple of years have seen a lot of changes in my life. I think, finally, I have become a grownup. I have a real job; one where I have to be responsible all the time. I am currently the only person in my household that actually has a full time job so in some ways I am kind of the breadwinner. No not really, that would be too much grown up even for me. For the first time in a long time I am thinking about the future and the direction that I want to steer my life. Probably the most grown up thing a person can do. 

What, I hear you ask, have either of those things got to do with not being a sex goddess? The answer is actually not very much. Other than my headspace is not constantly occupied with thoughts or plans for the next adventure. Something that was a key part of being a sex goddess. These days when people ask me about my fucket list my answer is; “Fucket list, oh yeh I remember what one of those is”

I just realised; another key indicator of being a grown up, I use semi colons in my writing. Or is that a side effect of being a teacher? I don’t know but it a bit freaky, here I am pouring my heart out to the void of the Internet and I am ticking off grammar and sentence structure in my head. I need a really good fuck. 

So we were talking about fucket lists. I remember that I have often said I don’t like to have a specific list. But I guess that I kind of did. I kind of remember what was on it. Right now my fucket list consists of; have sex with my husband, have sex with Engineer X. Not necessarily in that order. Logistics seem to get in the way a lot these days. People think that having small children is a drag on your sex life. Those people really have no idea. Mainly because they are yet to experience having teenagers living with you. Small children don’t know, or care, if they walk in on you having sex. They are not scarred by the experience. What’s more they go to bed at a sensible hour meaning you can actually have pre sex on the couch before you start falling asleep. Teenagers don’t do that. They want to stay up and share their rubbish idea of what is good TV and make it awkward if you want to make sexy jokes with your husband. What’s worse is they don’t go to bed nice and early so that you can invite over some special people or when you get dressed to go out and meet said special people they ask all kinds of questions about where you are going. 

Actually my teenagers have kind of got the hint that asking too many questions is not a good idea so I guess I have trained them to a certain extent but it is still awkward getting out the door some days. Mr Jones is much more concerned about that kind of thing that me. I feel more comfortable being relatively candid. He does not. So we land somewhere in between which is, by definition, awkward. I guess I just have to keep telling myself that it is only temporary. Not that I am expecting them to move out but I am definitely not going to sugar coat things for my eighteen year old children just to spare them some awkwardness. That is just creating a rod for your own back. 

It seems I have worked through and dismissed my standard list of excuses for not being sexy enough so now I am left with a task; hang up my goddess cape or stop making excuses. My friends are right, hanging up the cape is a hilarious idea. Hilarious because it is so unlikely. And because I simply don’t want to. As much as Mr Jones is irritating me right now he is just going to have to get out his impressive junk and use it on me. Because a happy wife makes for a happy life and to be happier I need more sex in my life. 

Thanks for listening Internet Void, you are the best therapist ever. 

Size Matters


Yes I am going there. In the years I have been blogging I have always been very careful about making such comments as the one above. In my swinging life I have been less careful when in the company of people who either are well endowed or who are pragmatic enough to understand the concept. This post was prompted by some experiences with men of a certain ethnic backgrounds that kind of demonstrated that stereotypes about size and ethnicity are just that, stereotypes and should always be taken with a grain of salt. 

So before the trolls start getting wound up let’s make something very clear. I don’t walk around with a ruler saying to prospective partners “you must be this long to enter”. I am about the whole package. A caring man who gives pleasure is very welcome whatever the size of his appendage. Just as an uncaring man with a donkey sized appendage is not. There is some discussion about length versus width a lot of which has merit. In short there are three variables, length, width and effort; the combination of these three is how it works, not an excess of one factor. Yes I am a mathematics teacher and so I did get a little excited when I saw this graph in Imagur which I feel explains it perfectly 


As the graph shows there are two red zones, “let me get my magnifying glass” and “don’t even think about touching me with that extra arm” of course these zones vary from woman to woman. For me they are significant enough to mean that size definitely matters, just not in every case. 

So the story…..

This one night Mr Jones and I went out it had been a while since we had gone to an adult venue. At the moment we are in a phase in our relationships where we are focussing on each other. For me that means encouraging Mr Jones and boosting his confidence while minimising the attention I get from men, single or otherwise. This is the source of some frustration for me but that is a topic for another post. On this night there was this guy. I am not sure why but he seemed attractive, there was not a lot on offer. Anyway after some conversation the four of us, Mr Jones, me, the guy and Mrs Guy ended up naked. Looking at the graph above he fell well into the red zone on the left. I mean, when he was fully erect I could press my face against his belly and not even feel his cock near the back of my mouth, let alone at the back of my throat. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, I am generous like that. 

Generosity did not pay off. In the effort stakes he sucked. The only redeeming quality of the evening was that Mrs Guy was amazing in a I find you fascinating, sexy and I want to be your friend on a lot of different levels way. A few weeks later we ran into her again. I freaked out when I saw her with a dark skinned man because I assumed it would be the same guy. I was very relieved when it wasn’t. New Dark Skinned Man turned out to be well and truly towards the middle of my graph with very high scores on the effort level. I like New Dark Skinned Man and hope I get to see him again sometime. 

The awkwardness happened when Intriguing Lady turned up in our lives for a third time with Mr Dissapointment. In the light of reality and less randiness he didn’t even seem attractive. Fortunately the situation was a no nakedness situation. So the awkwardness was kept to a minimum. Just for the record I am definitely NOT going there again. The moral of the story; like Caucasians,Asian men vary in size, personality and sexiness. For me, the bulk of them are not that sexy but my experiences have opened my eyes a little. 

Cuckhold

Urban Dictionary, that internet repository of popular wisdom gives several different definitions for the term cuckhold. This is my favourite one;

A husband or long term boyfriend who either likes to watch his wife with other men or is forced to watch. Often there are different levels of humiliation involved such as chastity, financial, sissification, etc. Terms surrounding cuckold include cuckolded, hotwife, bull, lover, etc.

I don’t like to think of myself as having a ‘type’ but when considering prospective partner there are a few characteristics that are known weaknesses. One of them is baldness, another is size. Not just penis size but physical size. I am not a short woman, nor am I slender but on the odd occasion that I meet a man who can manhandle me…. well you get the picture. One of the first men I met on my journey into non-monogamy was such a man, but we digress. 

Big Al is one such man. He doesn’t have the height of others in my past but he has the breadth and physical strength. He is or was a fireman, did I mention the two uniforms that I find the most attractive are firemen and the high visibility type that miners and road construction workers wear? 


I met him on an internet dating site. The details aren’t important but what is important is that after a while we met in person at a meet and greet evening. Of course the group we were with ended up at a strip club. It was my first visit to such a venue and I was a little preoccupied with observing the technique of professional pole dancers but not so much that I could ignore him. The vibe of the evening was unusual for us (meaning Mr and Mrs Jones). We are used to swingers clubs where everything is on the table but even though this was a self proclaimed group of swingers we were still a little unsure of the signals. Maybe it was because we were in a mainstream venue I am not sure but I managed to communicate my interest, to the bemusement of the dancer who was talking to us. He had communicated his but that night was not the right time. 

The right time came later after some negotiations, otherwise known as flirting. We found ourselves in a hotel room, thanks to an unexpected last minute house guest. To start with things seemed awkward, I guess he wasn’t used to the concept of “hello let’s fuck” but after two years of meeting Pet in a hotel room I kind of expect to get jumped as soon as I walked in the door. We kissed in the doorway of the bathroom and then somehow went from fully clothed and standing upright to me in a bikini and him in boxers. There was some discussion of checking out the hotel pool until I asked the question “Really? You want to swim?”

Then he was kneeling between my legs as I sprawled on the bed. He pulled aside the crotch of my bikini so that he could examine me before he started to run his tongue around my cunt. He was good, there is nothing like the feel of a tongue giving just the right pressure, he held my hips and explored deeper as I writhed in response to him. I could feel the buildup of pressure but I fought it. I wasn’t sure if he knew what to expect. Despite my best efforts I felt s small jet of warm liquid escape, his response was to to grip me harder and bury his face deeper. I relaxed a little and let more of my juice squirt into his mouth, he drank it all greedily before licking me clean and standing over me telling me what a good girl I was. 

Another trigger point. This man seemed to be ticking so many boxes, I didn’t have a hope. I sat up and removed the last of my clothingas he pulled down his shorts. His cock was hard as a rock and stuck out straight in front of him. I pulled him towards me so that I could explore him with my lips and tongue, swilling my tongue around the head of his cock before sliding my lips down his warm velvety shaft. My throat opened slightly as I pressed my lips against his belly holding his entire length inside my mouth for a moment before I started moving up and down his cock alternating between taking his entire length in my mouth and gripping his shaft with one hand while I teased his head. 

His excitement infected me as I sucked him I could not resist humping the bed like a dog in heat. Everything was so sexy and I was so caught up in everything. We separated for a moment and he suggested a breather but I couldnt stop. I rolled over and out my ass in the air demanding without words a good hard fucking. I wanted to be pounded with the cock that I had sucked so well. 

He didn’t dissapoint. He filled me with his cock, holding my hips as he eased himself into me. The room was filled with the sound of my groans of pleasure. His balls slapped against my clit in time with his thrusts sending small shudders of pleasure through me. I felt myself becoming engulfed by his power and strength. It was what I had been searching for without realising. I felt complete.

After a couple of sharp slaps on my arse he eased himself out of me and pulled me on top of him. For a moment we wrestled as he tried to slide his cock inside me, I resisted playing his cock over my clit triggering small gushes of liquid that covered his belly and slid down over his hips to leave we spots on the bed. He loved it grunting with pleasure and encouraging me to cover him in my juices. 

“We need to send your Hubby some pictures of you being fucked by your Bull.” He said.

I reached for my phone and handed it to him unlocking it so that he could take pics. For longer than I expected he gave instructions about looking at him and complimenting me on the way my hair fell. I ground my hips into his filling myself with his cock and moaning with pleasure. Subconsciously I leaned back putting pressure on my G-spot triggering a jet of liquid over his belly. His arousal reverberated through me awakening a desire to feel his orgasm. It is like a primal urge in me the desire to watch an man’s face as he climaxes inside me. The sensation of his climax often triggers my own.

This time it wasn’t to be. We were new lovers and things were a little awkward still. Sometimes these things take a little practise. I was rewarded with a view of his cum jetting out of his cock towards my mouth as he wanked himself to full climax. I slid my lips down over his shaft letting his cum fill my mouth and slide down my throat. He seemed to climax forever. Just when he was still and I thought he was done another spasm would shudder through him. I had not seen multiple orgasms in a man since my experiences with Mr Fix It. It was a beautiful thing to see such decadent pleasure in a man and to know that I was the reason that he was reaching those heights. Quickly I snapped a photo of his cum dripping down my chin to send to my husband to let him know that I was covered in another man’s cum. If he had been there I would have kissed him and filled his mouth with Big Al’s cum to let him taste the sweetness of him. Maybe next time. 

TMI Tuesday -Sex is Life 



1. Have you ever tested someone’s love for you? What did you do? Did things turn out as you expected or hoped?

I don’t really believe in playing games with relationships so the idea of testing someone’s love is foreign to me. Having said that I have been married for 18 years and of course there have been many times when you would say that my relationship has been tested. We are still together so I guess you can say that things have turned out well.


2. Select the answer that best fits your experience. I have dated:

a. all the wrong people

b. romantic companions that were mostly a good fit for me.

c. people that were perfect fits–loves at first sight

d. not all that much, I mainly have had a lot of long term relationships

As I stated in question one I have been married for 18 years but prior to that I was mostly d. I didn’t really date all that much. Since we opened our marraige I have dated a lot but not in the traditional sense. The results of this dating are splashed all over this and my Erotic Adventures blog. I will leave you to do the research and make your own conclusion

3. Online dating: What is your success rate? What do you consider success?

So as I already said I date, primarily from online sources. Of course the motivation for this dating is not to find a relationship in the traditional sense. I am seeking sexual adventure and experiences that most people fantasise about, if they are brave enough. In terms of success it has been very hit and miss. I have written about both of these. I have been fortunate to have some extraordinary adventures but they have not been something that comes along every day. You really have to sort through a lot of rubble to find the gems. 


4. What sexual thing do you do most often that you could commit to doing everyday?

A realist will be very aware of the fact that doing something every day is a great way to make it a chore. Experience tells me that making anything sexual a chore is a good way to cause problems in your marraige, so sorry to be a party pooper but I am not going to entertain the idea of doing anything sexual every day.

5. What are your thoughts on love and lust?

There is definitely a difference between a lust based relationship and a love based relationship. The line when a relationship crosses from one realm into another is very, very blurry and differs from person to person and situation to situation. There is absolutely no way that real love resembles in any way the saccharine sweet Disney version of love that we are sold as children. In my experience real love is practical, it has lots of lumps and bumps and does not come in one size fits all. 

Lust is hot intense and rears its head in all sorts of situations. It is definitely a roller coaster ride and like all roller coasters great for a holiday treat but not something you necessarily want in your life every day.


Bonus: Are you searching for love or are you searching for attention?

I believe I have already found love with all of its imperfections, practicalities and pragmatism. I have built a partnership over 18 years that has raised children, built a comfortable life and sustained ourselves and a number of friends through some interesting times. I am searching now for the roller coaster ride. Maybe I have become a bit of a junkie or maybe a connoisseur but as I have said many times I am a goddess and, yes, it is all about me. 
As always make sure you head in over to the TMI Tuesday site for more TMI goodness. 

TMI Bonus Part Two 

So I kind of liked this set of TMI questions as well so I decided to extend the TMI double to s triple. 

BFFs, sex, and break-ups

  
1. Hey, how are you doing?

Not too bad actually. Getting to the pointy end of term which means an insane amount of work that needs to be packed into a ridiculously short space of time but the consolation is that I am facing two weeks of holidays coming at me. There has to be some perks associated with this job.

2. You are given a strong but soft to the touch (and on the skin) rope. What will you do? (pick just one). Explain your choice.

a. Throw it in the garage to use later to tie down a tarp or something.

b. Use it for indoor wall rock climbing.

c. Tie up your lover and have your way with him/her.

d. Lasso your secret crush and take them with you.

Definitely c). Why? Because it is rather intoxicating having that much power over someone and an even bigger turn on tantalising them with sensual pleasure punctuated with reminders that I have the power to cause pain. Life is meant to be lived on the edge. 

3. Give three reasons why you or anyone should masturbate.

  1. You are insanely horny. Not just waking up with an erection so to speak but that knawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that means your pelvis jerks involuntarily from time to time. 
  2. You have been wearing jeans or knickers all day that have a seam that just rubs you in that spot and you have teased yourself stupid with it.
  3. To remind a partner that they are not indispensable and that you are capable of giving yourself pleasure without any attached drama. 


4. Would you have sex with your best friend? Have you had sex with a best friend in the past? How’d that work out–did you stay friends?

Once, a very long time ago I did have sex with someone who was my “best friend”. It is probably worth mentioning that we did date for a little while before we became friends. I guess that is an indicator that there probably was some residual feelings left. Interestingly he was not particularly impressed when I started dating my husband and the last conversation I had with him was when I announced my engagement. At the time when we had sex I was under the impression that he was not interested in pursuing a relationship. However his reaction to my engagement kind of told me otherwise. Whatever was going on we have not spoken for about nineteen years. 

5. What are your top 5 reasons to break up with someone?

I am in a marraige that is getting close to celebrating its eighteenth anniversary so my answers to this question are going to be more focussed on breakups of non-primary romantic type relationships.

  1. It is no longer enough about me. This applies to play or friends with benefits. I am a fairly accomodating and very keen to make other people happy but Gemma Jones is a sex goddess and she deserves some worship. If that isn’t happening then I am off to find a more deserving worshipper.
  2. They are draining my emotional energy. Some people always seem to have some kind of drama happening in their life. These are people who are always grateful for emotional support but who always seem to be absorbed in their own drama and can’t return the favour when you need it. 
  3. They are always complaining about their problems but never seem to want to get off their arse and do something about it. Seriously, maybe the reason you are always broke is because you spend your money on stupid crap! Maybe instead of complaining about the job you hate you should go out and get a new one.
  4. They are just idiots. I spend a lot of my working day dealing with teenagers and adults who don’t seem to possess basic life skills. I don’t need to be doing that in my leisure time. If you can’t make intelligent conversation that holds my attention you are going to lose me. In fact sometimes conversation is overrated. If you want to fuck then don’t waste a lot of my play time with conversation. 
  5. Like the cartoon says, they just stop calling. I am extremely self conscious about pushing myself on to people. So if I don’t get a response when I text or message and I get turned down when I try to make plans to catch up I will stop calling and asking. 

Bonus: Post an image you find erotic? What about it arouses you?

  

This is actually a photo that was part of some wallpaper in a pub that Mr Jones and I visited recently. I think that there isn’t enough sexual images of men that have a heterosexual focus in the general public domain. What I love about this image is the shyness of him but the fact that he is still being sexual. It makes me want to explore him. 

TMI Tuesday – The Bad Sex Edition

It is TMI bonus week. When I went to write my post for this week I discovered a half written post from s couple of weeks ago. At the time I discarded it because it put me in a bad headspace. Today however I have reclaimed myself, I am woman hear me roar! So read my words and hopefully learn from my experiences. 

  
1. Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?I have indeed had some bad sex in my life. The first time I had sex was a real let down. The guy had a big dick, he had no idea I was a virgin and I was a notch on his bedpost. It was never going to end well. 

Since then I have had probably way too much bad sex. Mainly as a result of me not speaking up and saying no when I should have. I have a chronic problem with needing to please people and this leads to me giving them what they want even when it is hurting me emotionally and physically. As I get older I am getting better at saying no and, more importantly, the people around me are getting better at recognising the signs when I am giving more than I should. 
2. Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?

See above. I can’t think of many times when my partner has walked away unsatisfied but I am sure my dissatisfaction with the situation rubs off sometimes. 

3. What instantly puts you in a bad mood?

Earlier in my marraige sex became a commodity that was given out to keep the peace. I guess it was symptomatic of a lot of other unspoken things that were happening at the time. Also it was a result of my screwed up Catholic upbringing. What ever the reason I got into the habit of giving ‘mercy sex’. This kind of sex gave little pleasure for me and the feeling of seeing someone get pleasure from my body without any of that feeling for me was an instant mood killer.  

4. Have you been hurt during a sexual activity? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?

Emotionally I have been hurt a lot (see above). Physically not so much. Sometimes there has been discomfort during sex but I am generally careful to not be physically harmed. I guess I have been fortunate, or careful, not have chosen a partner that will hurt me physically. 

5. During sex, what instantly turns you off?

There are a few things that are mood killers when in the flirting stage. One of these is body odour and other is cigarette odour. Once the clothes start to come off body odour again can become an issue. Especially if a guy has a lot of pubic hair and it has that smell that happens when it isn’t clean. Another thing that is a mood killer for me is when a guy is sweating a lot and it drips off his face onto mine. I hate it. 

6. Bad sex–is there really such a thing?

Ohhh yes!!!! I think I have described a few situations in this post. Other things that can result in bad sex;

  • A small penis. I know it is politically incorrect but I am picky about size. It doesn’t have to be massive but if it is smaller than average then you better know how to use it!
  • A malfunctioning penis. Guys this is the age of medical enhancement. Situations involving onlookers or unfamiliar surroundings WILL cause issues. Get some viagra.
  • Not being comfortable. I am not necessarily talking about unfamiliar situations more like not being confident that you are attractive or being made to feel like you are just a living breathing sex doll. It may work for some but not for me.

Bonus: Biting during sex–

a. do you like it?

When I am a little bit aroused on gentle biting around my neck is a huge turn on. 

b. do you do it?

I must admit I do. In an encounter with pet I got a bit carried away with biting and left some significant bruises. What surprised me about that situation was how turned on I got by doing it. 

For more TMI goodness head to the TMI page.