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Opening the Box

Swinging can be compared to many things. A recent experience made me consider that it is like Pandora’s Box. Before you start it seems like a magical thing that can make everything right with the world. But, like the girl in the classic tale, you never really know what is in the box until you open it and once the box is opened and all the treasures come out you can never put them back in again. 

As we were becoming accustomed to Mr Jones and I encountered a couple on a recent outing that were on their first foray into the magical world of swinging. Like us they had been married for a long time. Unlike us they had married young and had missed out on the early sexual decadence that some people are lucky enough to experience in their youth. Like most new people they had no idea what to expect from a visit to a swingers club and, sadly, like a lot of new people they also had a very specific idea of what they wanted. 

I am a great believer in living out your fantasy but experience has taught me that that making a fantasy into a reality is difficult. You will never achieve exactly what you envisage in your mind; there will always be someone or something that is not exactly what you imagined. This couple, or rather Mrs Newbie, felt the need to have another penis in her life. Her husband was most obliging and had agreed for her to make that fantasy come to life. On the evening in question there were a number of penises on offer but she was fussy, not a bad thing. The penis she was looking for had to come attached to a young, tattooed, well muscled young man. Oddly enough there were no men matching her description on offer. 

The four of us chatted for a while. I explained that Mr Jones and I were in the market for a couple that particular evening. It didn’t occur to me to make it abundantly clear that I came as part of a package and the selection of said package included interaction with all parts of the package. They seemed a little dissatisfied with things and I expected that they were going to leave early. She was that kind of person, if things aren’t going the way she wants, she is out. 

This was when the box opened. On my way to the bathroom I passed them sitting at a table and chatting with a single man who definitely didn’t meet the requirements. To my surprise Mrs Newbie, reached out and pulled me towards her asking if She could kiss me. It has been a long time since I kissed a woman but it wasn’t too bad. Before I could entirely process everything that was happening we were in a room on the way to getting naked. She was very focussed on having her first girl on girl experience, even though she had said that wasn’t really what she wanted, the guys were a little awkward. Mr Newbie had his instructions, he wasn’t really part of the action for this evening but he had come prepared to watch his wife be fucked by another man, not engage in the ultimate fantasy of watching his wife with another woman and the expected extension of that fantasy, fuck the other woman himself. Mrs Newbie had explained to me that she was not interested in Mr Jones, something I was OK with because I expected that Mr Newbie was a no go for me. 

As things heated up barriers were smashed and we ended up in a situation where Mrs Newbie gave her husband the green light to play with me. It didn’t occur to her that her reluctance to interact with Mr Jones meant that I didn’t really want to play with both of them and leave my husband watching. Some people are a little selfish like that. Eventually she came up for air and what had just happened started to sink in, she commented that she felt really hot and needed a drink and some air. In a normal situation I guess her husband would have realised that this was a sign of trouble. However he was still in the throes of realising that he had, for the first time in a 20+ year relationship come perilously close to an encounter with a vagina that was not part of his wife. 

After a very flustered struggle with her underwear, (a tip for newbies, don’t wear complicated or hard to remove clothes, the can look great but they can really kill the mood when you are trying to get them off or, as in this scenario, get them on so that you can make a hasty exit) Mrs Newbie left, unknown to us, the building. Mr Newbie commented that his wife had a bit of  a tendency to flee from situations that she found challenging. He was a little reluctant to leave probably feeling that would be bad form. He wasn’t really wrong but staying when your wife is already in the car waiting for you to come and drive her away from this overwhelming situation is much worse form. 

We were not really surprised by the turn of events but we conceded that getting dressed and literally running out of the club without even saying goodbye properly is a sign that things are not OK. Once Mr Jones and I would have worried that we had done something wrong, and speculated way too much about the relationship dynamics of Mr and Mrs Newbie. But the extent of our conversation after their departure was that they were definitely going to have some things to process in the aftermath of their evening. I did go on to reflect that having your first swinging or extra martial encounter can be like opening Pandora’s box. Before you open the lid it can seem like all the wonders of the world are inside but opening the box can uncover many unexpected things some of which are the exact opposite of what you are looking for. Like the box in the story the lid can never be replaced, the repercussions of what you let out can take a long time to process.

The Pandora’s box of swinging has been at time a blessing and a curse for us. There have been many issues in our relationship that have been bought to the fore by the situations that we have found ourselves in but on the flip side we have been very fortunate that we have been able to live out many, many fantasies. In addition we have been privileged to have been able to help other people live out theirs and to help them open the Pandora’s box for themselves in a fun, non destructive kind of way. In the situation of Mr and Mrs Newbie we definitely helped them to open their personal box but I am certain they were not expecting what came out. I just hope that they are able to deal with it and don’t spend the rest of their life wishing that they had left well enough alone. 

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The Big Red Door Part One

This post covers the next step the wonderful Journey that Mr Jones and I find ourself on. If you are a new visitor to these pages you can catch up with the previous posts on the page, The Journey to Now. I will return to this story periodically as I write posts dealing with it.

I am a child of the eighties. I started high school in 1985 at a school that boasted a very modern computer room. The machines that were housed in this miracle of modern technology probably had less processing power than a pocket calculator of 2014. I remember when the Internet was invented and I remember when Windows was considered a pretty nifty invention. What does this have to do with swinging? Well not a whole lot really except that it is very hard to imagine modern swinging without the internet. When Mr Jones and I decided to embark on the epic journey of opening our marriage we were blissfully unaware of this fact. The idea of using a dating website to meet people for sex was beyond the scope of our imagination. And so we found ourselves facing the big red front door of a swingers club that Mr Jones had located and researched, ironically on the Internet.

Getting from the point of discussing swinging as a very real possibility and not just a fantasy and actually standing at the door of the club took time, lots and lots of it. When Mr Jones had told me about the club my reaction was one of complete terror. A million questions plagued me like; what will the people be like? And what will they expect of me? I was terrified, I am not sure what of. Even now I can’t explain exactly what I was afraid of. It could have been a fear of the unknown or perhaps instinctively I understood that taking that step was like opening the life of Pandora’s box,  just of what I hadn’t experienced before and didn’t understand. Most likely my opinions were still being formed by the stereotypes that permeate our pop culture; that swinging is somehow sleazy and dirty and that the kind of people who would go to swing clubs are not ‘nice people’.

In the weeks and months after he had made the suggestion and told me of his discovery I allowed myself to get used to the idea and even read up on the information contained in the website in question. Thinking back now I can’t really understand how my mindset moved from the conservative values I was raised with and that formed the basis of most of my fears and the acceptance of the possibilities enough to take the first step of agreeing to visit the club. I didn’t watch porn, I didn’t read a lot of erotica and the idea of group sex was for me a little bit foreign. But move my perceptions I did.

One Saturday night we found ourselves standing at the reception counter of the much discussed club. It was located in an inner city industrial area tucked around the corner one block back from a main roadway. Convenient but not obvious, discreet even. The owner of the club was a very tall outspoken woman. She was not conventionally beautiful but she was very sexually appealing. More importantly she was welcoming, friendly and very matter of fact. She explained the rules of the club, took our money and arranged a tour for us. It was like stepping into another planet full of strange alien customs.

The private rooms where people went to have sex either with an open or closed door were fairly easy to deal with but the bondage play area where things got a little more kinky was slightly more out of the box. This particular club featured a room with a one way window where people could be observed without being able to see the people looking through the window. This room also featured a live internet stream. It was a little early and the club was filling slowly. After our tour Mr Jones and I sat in the bondage area which was on a mezzanine above the main bar area. He was very excited already by what he had seen and the possibilities that were opening up to us.

We had agreed that this evening was about window shopping. We didn’t know what to expect so we didn’t want to commit to doing anything in particular. A couple came up to us and introduced themselves. They were a little older than us and he explained that his wife liked to be tied up and pleasured by another woman. If there was a moment in that whole evening when I was going to run out of the door that was it. I was interested in exploring my bisexuality and these days a proposition like that would have been all kinds of interesting. But on that night, when I was taking the first tentative steps into exploring a lifestyle that went against most of what I had been taught for my entire life, it was terrifying. Thankfully I wasnt that easily deterred. I politely explained that we were very new and were “just looking” tonight. The couple were very understanding and left us to our own devices.

This understanding was something which I hadn’t really expected but it is something that I have become very accustomed to in the clubs that Mr Jones and I frequent. As we became more experienced we have learned that a lack of tolerance and understanding of where people are at is a sign of people who aren’t secure in their primary relationship and need to be avoided at all costs. Trying to remember the night now is difficult.

The whole night of course proved to be one of those experiences that changed our lives completely forever. We knew then that we had discovered something exceptional, we found ourselves not wanting to leave, reluctant to let go of our discovery, perhaps afraid that it would dissappear forever if we did, but the time came when we had to make a move. As we were leaving we said our goodbyes to a couple we had been speaking to. Like us they were relatively new to the whole scene and still working out what they were looking for. As we said goodbye she reached up and kissed me.

It was unlike any other kiss that I had ever experienced. The thing that remained with me to this day is the softness of a woman’s kiss. It is the thing that I keep going back to now when my curiosity is satisfied and I am no longer particularly interested in sex with women. That and breasts. I really really like beautiful natural breasts. Afterwards for weeks Mr Jones was completely buzzed by this happening. He kept singing to me the lyrics from the Katey Perry song, “I Kissed a Girl” which was on the charts at the time. Travelling home and for the next weeks afterwards we talked many times about what we had seen and done. Our sex took on another dimension. The thing that was absolutely, unequivocally going to happen next was another visit.

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Let’s Swing

When I talk to vanilla people about my relationship with Mr Jones one of the most common reactions is “I respect your right to choose how you live your life but I couldn’t possibly be like that with my wife / partner” Which is a completely understandable reaction. I guess the thing that most people don’t consider is that we didn’t wake up one day and decide that we were going to have an open marriage. The decision itself to open the door was one that took a long time (like years) to happen.

I remember very clearly when Mr Jones and I made our relationship permanent telling him that I was not going to hold a physical infidelity against him because I knew that he loved me and no matter how many women he fucked outside of our marriage he wasn’t going to leave me. There were a few factors that led to that feeling of confidence; Firstly I was confident of myself in those days in a way that I am not so much now. Secondly he had been in several very serious relationships before I came along and I was the first woman he seriously considered having children with.

I knew that he considered having children a very serious thing. It wasn’t an endeavour that you entered into with just anyone unlike getting engaged. Which seems to be the opposite of most people’s ideas. Maybe that is the reason there are so many mixed families out there and so many children who don’t have a good idea of family or security. But we digress.

Another thing that I remember very clearly and I am not sure if I ever voiced this fear, I know I certainly didn’t at the time. Was that I was deflated by the idea that I would never have sex with another person except Mr Jones. It wasn’t that I didn’t like sex with him, it was some of the best sex I had ever experienced. But rather that I feared becoming old and stale and that I would be missing out on something.

So there we were, almost drowning in the emotional sea of having young children and dealing with life in general. I was struggling with the effect of children on the quantity of my sleep, on my career and on the way the world viewed me. He was struggling with an unexpected sense of responsibility, a sudden change in the amount of my attention he was receiving and more specifically a lack of physical contact between us.

As time wore on the conflict between what I wanted and what I thought I should do became stronger and stronger. I have realised only recently the massive amount of guilt I automatically heap upon myself at every opportunity. Given this you can imagine how much guilt I was carrying around. Mother guilt, wife guilt, daughter guilt and, just in case it wasn’t enough, guilt for not having enough guilt. All of this negativity had a serious impact on my confidence in myself as well as my general outlook. I withdrew from everything including my marriage. But instead of recognising what was happening I took the view that the problem was the marriage, it wasn’t supporting me in the way I needed.

I was very passive / aggressive at that time. I didn’t stand up for myself I just held on to my negative feelings and tried to hide them because, you guessed it, I felt guilty that I wasn’t the perfect modern superwoman.

Things came to a head when a work colleague took advantage of my unhappiness and insecurity and after much coercion on his part and a quantity of alcohol on my part I ended up naked with him. It would be much cooler if there was swinging from the rafters sex but the reality of things is that we had both drunk too much, I was consumed by guilt and fear and he couldn’t even get an erection. So was there sex? Technically no but I definitely cheated.

This series of events became a turning point in my marriage for a lot of reasons. Firstly I bought to a head some of the issues that had led to the infidelity in the first place. Despite my conviction that he was oblivious to my feelings and issues Mr Jones knew something was amiss and so he had preempted my infidelity a little. In an intense discussion he made me promise that I was going to be honest about everything that happened. He had worked out that my work colleague was cutting his grass so to speak and he knew it was probably only a matter of time.

Because of all of this I fessed up almost immediately. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. What followed was an intense few months of late night deep and meaningful conversations, painful and frustrating revelations of feelings, long buried and hidden from each other and of course, guilt. On the plus side issues that both of us had were voiced, and actions were taken to deal with them. Both of us learned a lot about communication and honesty. But more importantly we both learned that the only factor that was going to end our marriage was ourselves. The actions of other people didn’t have any effect as long as we kept communicating with each other.

It wasn’t immediately after this series of events, both of us needed some time to heal, but because of the things we learned about each other that Mr Jones suggested that we open the door of our bedroom and enter into the mysterious world of swinging.

Swinging Etiquette 101 – Looking After Your Partner

The morning after a visit to the swingers club is always an interesting time for me. Most of the time there is the post gratuitous sex horniness that sees me wanting to fuck any erect penis in sight. But what also happens always is a kaleidoscope of images, sights, sounds and experiences to sort through and ponder over. No matter what happens on the night I always come away with some kind of new insight or discovery about human nature.

Often in the earlier part of the night, when everyone else is scoping out partners and scrambling around for the best deal they can get I find myself people watching. There are lots of aspects to this hobby, checking out shoes and clothes, scoping for potential partners, watching people I already know and watching other people’s relationships in action.

The relationship part is something I find endlessly fascinating. When you come across two people who really have their shit together it is heartwarming and so fucking sexy to watch them interact. The sexiest thing a man can do is worship the woman he loves.

On the flip side the least sexy thing a person can do is leave their partner for dead. I am not going to be all holier than thou and say I have always had Mr Jones at the forefront of my mind, especially at the beginning of my corruption but these days I am mostly focussed on him.

My adventures last night included an encounter with a fairly sexy guy. We were introduced by a mutual friend and the attraction between us was immediate. Things got a bit awkward when another couple happened along and the woman of the couple decided that she was also interested in Mr Hot Guy. So there we were for a while, Hot Guy, me, the other woman and our respective husbands. To summarise, three penises and two vaginas. It was pretty obvious that both the women were interested in Hot Guy and Hot Guy, like any red blooded male, was up for two women pleasuring him but the equation also included two other men.

Personally I am more than happy to accommodate two penises and this

IMG_0328.JPGcould have provided a solution to the imbalance but the other husband didn’t ring my bell. Based on her actions my husband wasn’t ringing the other woman’s bell either. That is fine, it is our choice. To cut a long story short Other Woman ended up dragging Hot Guy off for some fun without even looking back at her husband who was sitting watching proceedings and feeling really awkward.

In situations like that my responsibility is for the pleasure of my own husband and myself. Other Husband is entirely NOT my responsibility. As I said I am more than happy to accommodate more than one man and I took the opportunity to indulge in a spit roast, something I have a soft spot for, but after a while I decided that my charity to other husband only extended to a sympathy head job. The full threesome experience was not going to happen for him. I was also pretty clear that I was not prepared to indulge the FFM fantasy experience for Hot Guy. Other Woman may have been happy leaving her husband for dead but I don’t work that way.

At the start of our journey Mr Jones and I were very clear about our responsibility to care for each other in club and party situations. This is mainly a safety thing but it does extend to rescuing each other from being cornered with weird people and ensuring that making sure that no one gets left out. I take this seriously. My primary relationship is my primary focus. No guy, or woman, is hot enough to warrant treating my husband badly. In my opinion there is no excuse for treating your partner badly in a swing situation. People who do are really unattractive in the worst possible way.

Of course I don’t know all the details of this particular couple’s relationship and so my reading of the situation may be mistaken. It is something that I have seen before and probably have been guilty of myself from time to time. We all make mistakes. That is OK as long as we learn from them. At the end of the day we are going home with our respective partners they are the ones we have to live with and so it makes sense that we remember that.

This is NOT Bookclub

For the people out there who have not been following me for long and for those of you who have been living under a rock here are a couple of facts about me that you may or may not be aware of;
1. I am a massive exhibitionist
2. I love to suck cock
So, now that we have that straight I will continue with my story.

Last Saturday evening Mr Jones and myself decided to visit a swingers club that we frequent. The evening started out in the usual way, we had some drinks, we chatted with some people and played some pool. As is the way in venues like this the evening started out fairly awkward with couples all sitting around huddled next to each other looking at the crowd around them. Once everyone had a few drinks the more outgoing folk started to make themselves known to the folks they were interested in.

Standing at the bar I became part of a conversation with an attractive but slightly inebriated young lady who was unhappy with the state of affairs downstairs in the main play area. This area is a large lounge like room furnished with couches that is away from the main bar, smoking and traffic areas and often becomes the site of a fair bit of action. My new friend was proclaiming that tonight, however, it was like being at book club. In her opinion there was not enough nudity and adult action.

She went on to explain that it was her boyfriend’s birthday after midnight and that he was to be subjected to as much stimulation as possible without any chance of climax. She also went on to boast about his size and challenged any woman within earshot to get more than an inch of his cock into her mouth. Immediately I was up for the challenge.

And so a group led by the Pocket Rocket invaded the “book club”. Under instruction from Pocket Rocket several of us lost clothing and she proceeded to tease her lover. Once his pants were off I was keen to see the large member she boasted of, I was a little disappointed, but he turned out to be a bit of a grower.

Eventually I was able to take her up on her challenge. He did have rather a nice cock and it was hair free which is always a good thing. Another good feature was his head, the smaller one, which was kind of pointy which serves well for deep throating. Considering it was his birthday I took my time with him and encouraged him to a good size and hardness which can be hard for a guy when he has had a few drinks and has a large audience. I then proceeded to take the bulk of his cock into my mouth which shocked Pocket Rocket a little.

As I said earlier, I love sucking cock. I love teasing a completely flaccid guy into a full blown throbbing hard on using only my mouth. I love you engulfing a shy cock with my lips and holding it until it forces its way out of my mouth with its excitement. And I love, love, love, looking into a man’s eyes as I fuck his cock with my mouth. I also love doing this in front of a live audience. The thought of other men touching themselves while watching me is one of my biggest turn ons. So I was in my element.

It turned out that Pocket Rocket had the attention span of a goldfish and despite how impressed she was by my ability she was soon off in search of another audience and some more stimulation. Which suited me fine. I would very much have liked to follow such an impressive head job with a damn good fucking from the cock I had just sucked so well but I also had other fish to fry.

Did I mention that I am sometimes into women, awkward guys and oddly, of late, the occasional hairy chest? And so the night progressed. Yes Pocket Rocket was right. It is definitely NOT Book Club.

If you either live in Brisbane or are visiting Mr Jones and I would recommend that you check out Mikes Place, unless of course you are looking for a real book club.