TMI Tuesday – Should We?

This weeks TMI will involve a few terms that can be mis-interpreted or possibly unfamiliar. This article will give some background to these terms.

  1. Agree or Disagree – If people want to have more than one spouse they should be allowed to do that.

In theory yes. There are many positives about a situation where there are multiple spouses. However in cultures where multiple spouses are allowed (usually a man with multiple spouses) the practice can be less than desirable. Often the result of the man rich enough to support multiple spouses exercising his rights can restrict the rights of other people in his community.

2. Do you believe in ethical non-monogamy?

Yes, obviously. That lifestyle choice is what spawned this whole blog.

3. Is polyamory something you want?

Sometimes I think yes. Other times I think no. Similar to my answer to question 1. the theory sounds good and there are examples of polyamory kicking around that show it is possible and sometimes an awesome way to live. The realities of polyamory can sometimes be quite different. If you think about the amount of effort that goes in to keeping one relationship running smoothly then think about how much effort will go into maintaining two or three intertwined relationships simultaneously. The effort does not increase evenly as each person is added, it expands exponentially.

Yes I am a Mathematics teacher. Graphs make a bunch of sense to me!

4. Do you wish that your ethical non-monogamy was a societal / cultural norm?

Yes. It would make my life much, much simpler. I do feel that there is a gradual shift towards acceptance of this kind of lifestyle but, like the acceptance of same sex marriage, the progress in infinitesimally slow. The internet has allowed people to read about and become educated about a lot of sub – cultures which is helping with this acceptance.

5. If you are in or have been in an open sexual relationship, what are the best bits?

The freedom. In my relationship I am free to pursue things that are not always available to a 48 year old married mother of two. I am free to explore sexual antics and have adventures without fear of damage to my relationship with my husband. A note of caution however. Open relationships do not mean open slather. This is where the ethical part comes in.

Bonus: Describe what your ideal intimate and / or sexual relationship would look like today.

I SUCK at outlining exactly what I want. I can’t think what would be different from what I currently have in my ideal situation.

Bonus Bonus: Now that I am on holidays I really should play with my selfie stick and perhaps work out the timer thingy. But here are some shots I took last Saturday when I had my fancy undies on.

This post is part of this week’s TMI Tuesday. For more TMI goodness click the image below.

What’s Love got to Do With It?

In this week’s round of TMI Tuesday one of the questions was;

“Agree or Disagree. Sex without love is meaningless”

My answer went on a tangent about the sexual activities of Bonobo Apes. A species that is famous for using sexual interactions a social strategy. The key to the question is really the definition of love. Dictionary.com gives no less than 14 definitions of love as a noun, and a further six as a verb. I won’t bore you with them all but the spectrum ranged from A word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L to a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. Sexual passion also made an appearance in more than one of the definitions.

This variety of ideas relating to love is reflected in human ideas about sexual relationships. One of the things that frustrated me early in my marriage with Mr Jones was his often repeated statement that he felt unloved if we weren’t having enough sex. This was confusing to me as I also knew that he, and most other humans, is capable of having sex with people that he DOESN’T love. Fast forward about fifteen years and both of us have had sex with any number of people who we have had various levels of attachment with.

I can confirm that you can have some amazing sex without even knowing the name of the person you are with. You can have some pretty ordinary sex with people who you would call very good friends. You can even have some pretty ordinary sex with your spouse, given the right situation. Perhaps a better question to ask than the one above is; “Does sex have to have some deep meaning to be good?”

My answer is no.

In my world there are two distinct categories of sex. Married sex, and Gemma sex. They can both be amazing and also very bad; it is a question of management. Married sex is about love, connection and affection. It also is accommodating, tolerant and ignores some things that may be a turn off. Things like; having held the person’s head while they threw up, that yesterday you were angry because they went out and left the dishes in the sink and that there is still some deep seated resentment that a life decision made fifteen years ago had a profound effect on a career that you loved.

Married sex is about keeping a level of intimacy that is needed for two people to be able to be in the same room together, alone, without killing each other. As Mr Jones and I prepare to spend six months on a boat together without the buffer of our children this kind of intimacy is important. Otherwise we could be experiencing a Dead Calm kind of situation. Married sex doesn’t have to swing off the rafters but sometimes it does help the situation if you do make that effort.

Gemma sex is a whole different ball game. It is purely about fun, pleasure and there are no compromises. It is not about maintaining a relationship. It is about exploring boundaries and just being a sexual person. It is easier to take risks, consensual of course, because if it doesn’t work out you don’t have to face the person tomorrow. You also don’t have to deal with domestic or relationship kinds of issues. There is no co-habitation. While you may listen with a sympathetic ear to their problems, at the end of the day they are THEIR problems and you don’t have to worry about them.

Does this kind of sex have no meaning? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It generally has no ROMANTIC meaning but there is often a connection and if you continue to see the person a friendship can form. Pushing past boundaries is significant to some people and can change you as a person. Having a random stranger with no need to maintain a relationship worshipping you can definitely improve your confidence.

At the end of the day sex is a bodily function like eating and sleeping. These things can also have deep, abiding meaning or just be something we did yesterday. Why should sex be any different?

Blurred Lines

The thing about swinging is that it opens doors. Doors to fantasies that you didn’t know you had, doors to understandings about people and relationships that vanillas never have, doors to a world where a lot of things are OK even though the vanilla world thinks it is not.

This world can be very liberating. When you step through that door you are taking yourself to a place where a lot of the regular rules don’t apply. Expression of your sexuality is allowed. Even if it isn’t exactly everyone else’s cup of tea. The general attitude expressed by most people in this world is that as long as everyone is consenting then everything is good.

In the regular world there are rules about this. A person in a relationship is clearly out of bounds to everyone else. Outsiders think that the swinging world abolishes this rule completely. That everyone is available to everyone if there is attraction. The truth is not quite that simple.

Yes people in relationships can be free to explore other people they are not in a relationship with. Yes people can have multiple sexual relationships, even multiple romantic relationships. Is everybody happy with the situation all the time? In a word, no. The key word is, as it is in the vanilla dating world, consent.

In the vanilla world consent is pretty clear. It is about one person saying yes to another. Once you get into non-monogamy consent becomes complex. The two people getting naked together might be all good and ready to say an enthusiastic yes but there are other people in the picture, others who have a stake in what is going to happen. Consent must be given by them as well.

Of course that doesn’t mean that the intending couple get naked and then sit down and phone all of their current partners to ensure that there is informed consent. In these situations consent may have been discussed beforehand, eg as they dress to go to the party or even as they make the decision to embark on opening their bed to others. Consent in these situations can be like a long term permission, not a case by case basis.

But life is not black and white. There is ALWAYS an exception, situations NEVER play out exactly as you expect and you frequently find yourself dealing with the result of the unexpected or the unplanned.

For example a situation I found myself in recently. Mr Jones and I attended a swinger’s weekend where we made some lovely new friends. In fact you can read about it here. The weekend was organised by an experienced couple through a group of swingers. It wasn’t publicly advertised. To be in the group you had to be “in the scene” so to speak and be referred by someone. One of the couples we met had an interesting dynamic. Mr introduced Mrs as very new but himself as experienced in the past. On the first evening alcohol was consumed, Mrs seemed happy to participate and get her toes wet. Everything was going swimmingly.

The next day she was more reserved. The real statement was when eight people got into the spa and she was the only one wearing a swimsuit. On the second night as cocktails were consumed and the party heated up Mr and Mrs retired to bed, stating they had partied too hard the night before.

A few weeks later Mr contacted me. The reality of the situation became a little clearer. They were not, as we thought, a married couple. In fact they are not even living together. Not that much of an issue except he admitted to me that Mrs really only expresses herself that way when she has been drinking.

This admission only came out after some flirting and a clear statement on his part that he found me attractive and definitely wanted to take things further. Here is the blurred line. I have the required consent to go and fuck most of the men I encounter. I think this man does not. But he has not stated this. He is clear that he wants Mrs to enjoy the delights of our world but she isn’t confident. How much encouragement should Mr Jones and I give? How much of this situation is him trying to “encourage” her to a place where he can be out and about? I got into a situation like this once before. Pet did not have consent from Mrs Pet to be with me. The contortions he went through to make that situation happen were interesting to say the least.

In the end he and Mrs Pet did not make it. I guess his single minded pursuit of women out of his reach contributed to that but really the danger signs were there in the beginning. The point is that it is hard to tell where the line is when it comes to consent of other partners when finding your way around the swinging world. Most of the time you are relying on people to tell the truth. Most of the time they do, but sometimes they don’t.

Pet never really lied about the way things were between him and Mrs Pet. He just manipulated the situation slightly. I don’t think my new friend is really lying to me about his girlfriend. He hasn’t suggested a meeting between the two of us and maybe his isn’t thinking about that. I honestly don’t know. Which links back to the issue of having to rely on people telling the truth.

Mr Jones and I are honest. About everything. It is the secret to our success. If you want to call what we have as success. But I can’t expect everyone to have that standard. Experience has taught me that many people struggle to be honest. In the end it is safe to say that freely given, informed and enthusiastic consent is difficult to obtain from everyone in this world.

Random Blow Job

I am not boasting but this happened to me recently. This post is part of The Oral Sex Project.

“I really feel like a blow job,”

“Hmm, well I can do that. I am actually pretty good at them.”

“All women say that. Most of them aren’t”

“Yeh well lots of guys say they are great at licking pussy but most of them aren’t”

He was a very pretty man. Out of my league.

I was unsure of how interested he was in me. He seemed interested but he was holding back. A couple came into the bar. After a quick glance he turned his back to them.

“I recognise that guy. He is either from my work, or a relative, or something,” The idea of being recognised in a swing club is disconcerting for everyone. I smiled a little at his discomfort.

“The chick is cute though,”

He turned back to look at her, “Definitely,” I could tell he was very interested. I wasn’t about to play second fiddle or be the girl trying to grab attention. I got up and went back to my husband.

For a while I watched him from afar. Then he walked up to us,

“So, are you interested in getting a room and seeing about this blow job?”

I hesitated briefly. I wasn’t here to service his needs. But he was pretty, and I did want to prove my point about being good at sucking cock. Plus, I had been on the receiving end of some very good pussy attention earlier. What goes around comes around sometime.

He noted my hesitation,

“If you aren’t interested that is fine,” he seemed a little abrupt. It made me hesitate more. He wandered away. I was philosophical about his departure. You win some you lose some. He was the one losing the blow job of his life.

A little while later as we wandered through the chill out space, we came across him sitting with two other couples on some comfy couches. It seemed like he was holding court, chatting with people relatively new to the scene about their motivation to investigate swinging. The group shuffled up and invited us to join.

We chatted for a while, the conversation was explicit and honest. We talked about our experiences, and our fantasies, what we wanted to get out of being swingers and what we had done. Some people joined our group and then left when it got too much. The pretty boy left for a while but came back. I guess we were the most interesting thing happening.

The woman who had been working in the bar stopped by our huddle,

“We are closing in half an hour,”

I was surprised. I hadn’t realised how long we had been sitting there. Jokingly I turned to the pretty boy,

“You better get your shit together if you want that blow job,”

He galvanised into action,

“Upstairs or downstairs?”

“Whatever, I need to pee first,”

When I came back from the bathroom, he was standing next to the couches, he signalled upstairs and I left my husband and the group, still in their conversation. I don’t know what they thought, I am sure they asked him how he felt about it, I am sure he felt like the cool kid saying he was fine and evolved.

We climbed the stairs and made our way into a freshly made up room. The lighting was dim, and the bed was covered in black sheets. He stripped quickly as I sat on the edge of the bed. His cock was as pretty as the rest of him, thick and proud. I opened my mouth and tasted him. He was clean and sweet. I opened my mouth wider and slid my lips further down his velvet shaft. It truly was a cock to worship.

He groaned in pleasure,

“You actually do like doing that,”

“Of course,” In that moment I was truly aware of my power. I remembered why I like doing this.

I tilted my head and looked into his eyes while I held his cock in my mouth. The only thing that would make this better would be him holding the back of my head. I slid my mouth down his shaft, making sure it was slick and wet so that it would slide easily. His breathing told me I was doing it right.

“You may need to lie down,”

“Definitely,” He sprawled on the bed. The black sheets and the dim blue lights framed him perfectly making a scene of beauty. Then I noticed the socks.

“Get those off,” I pointed at his feet,

“But they are my security blanket,” he protested.

“I don’t care,” Unintentionally the teacher voice was out

He didn’t protest any more, the socks joined the rest of his clothes.

I removed my top, just because I could, and kneeled between his legs to give my full attention to the glory that was his cock. I slid my mouth down his shaft taking as much of him into my mouth as I could. I love that part. I love the feeling of a cock that fills my mouth and still has some to spare. It is the most powerful thing. Underneath me he squirmed and groaned. Precum seeped onto my tongue. I lifted my head and trailed my lips over his transversus line before moving up to his chest. His fingers trailed over my nipples for a few moments but we weren’t here for him to pleasure my body. I returned to suck him before pulled himself upwards.

He leaned on the head of the bed with me between his feet. Truly if someone were to film this it would be an epic porno. I took his balls into my mouth holding them and moving them around.

“Oh my God, chicks never do this, you truly are good at this!”

I didn’t reply. I had proved my point. It was time to get serious. I gripped his cock and slid my lips downwards.

He removed my hand, “That is cheating,”

I let his instruction go to the keeper. I knew who was in control here. I looked into his eye as he slid his cock into my mouth. He surprised me by keeping control and not trying to choke me. He paused for a moment,

“What are the rules with cumming?”

“You are welcome to cum anywhere except on my face,” I smiled at him.

“You are truly a unique person,”

His cock slid between my lips. I concentrated on his feeling, savouring all of it, taking in the sound of his breath and the pleasure noises he was making. His cock slid easily over my tongue. It was the perfect size for my mouth. I could tell he was close, my body responded to his arousal, I wrapped my hand around his perfect hard arse holding him closer to my face.

His cum was sweet and salt and perfect. His cock throbbed against my tongue as it jetted the cream into my mouth.

The Oral Sex Project is part of the Wicked Wednesday site. Click here to find other stories and posts about everything to do with oral sex.

Saturday Sex Interview – Kinks and Fetishes

Question 1: Have you tried BDSM? How hard core did you get with it? Thoughts?

I have blogged about my feelings on BDSM a few times. I don’t consider myself a true practitioner but as my sexual journey unfolds I find myself dipping my toe in the water deeper and deeper. I had an experience recently that was fuelled by a lot of alcohol and involved dominating a man for a brief moment. The morning after I was very unsure of myself and I am resolved not to go into a situation like that when I am that drunk.

Something that intrigued me was that he professed to not be interested in pain or turned on by it. However a good hard bite on his cock made it grow and harden significantly in my mouth…

Question 2: Have you tried a poly relationship or swinging? Would you like to? Thoughts?

Swinging, yes. This whole blog is about that journey so I won’t try and put that into a nutshell. Polyamoury? Well that is a bit different.

I THINK that I would like to have a second serious relationship but I feel that the reality might be a bit different. Mr Jones is not keen on the idea at all and so for me it will remain a fantasy.

Question 3: Have you been to an adult, clothing optional resort like Hedonism II? Would you like to? Would you go if your spouse wanted to?

Mr Jones and I talked about going to a place like Hedonism when we were much younger. These days we are a bit concerned that we are not young and sexy enough for a place like that. Although recently we have become friends with a couple who regularly participate in Lifestyle cruises and it is something that interests us. If we ever get the confidence

Question 4: Have you tried public or group nudity? (Nudist Colony? Nude bike ride? Nude beach? Skinny dipping with friends? Nude resorts? Other?) Would you you like to participate in any such activity?

There are many swingers who frequent nude beaches. Being comfortable in your own skin is a characteristic of many swingers and it is something they have in common with nudists. BUT there are also a lot of nudists who are not swingers and who don’t really like their events / areas being used by swingers to pick up.

Having said all that I have been known to go nude on several beaches and other swimming places. But I have never gone out of my way to visit a nudist beach or event. It isn’t something that is high on my bucket list.

Question 5: Is there any other kink or fetish you have participated in? Or, any you wish to try or desire? Tell us about it?

The current 4Thought or Fiction prompt focuses on Kink and Fetish. You can read my contribution here.

Extra Credit: If you have any kinks or fetishes, can you tell us your thoughts on where the fetish might stem from? What might be the psychology behind the desire?

The idea that there is some deep rooted ’cause’ for a kink or fetish is a little bit archaic and kind of indicates that people with kinks and fetishes are damaged in some way. I think that people who explore their kinky side and indulge their fetishes are just more in touch with their sexual energy. I believe that everyone has different triggers that turn them on and in a pure sense these triggers could be called a kink. Except that if the kink is common it isn’t really regarded as a kink.

Am I Kinky?

The current 4 Thoughts or Fiction prompt is Kink vs Fetish. According to Scottish Lass at Sex and Spanx;

Kinks are defined as something sexually non-conventional whereas a fetish is the sexual gratification gained from an object, piece of clothing or a body part.

So to the question posed in the title. Am I kinky? According to the definition given the answer is yes. I am definitely living a non-conventional sexual lifestyle. Actively seeking sexual partners outside my primary relationship is definitely not a lot of people’s cup of tea.

I know many people would not even consider my lifestyle as moral or for them. But I also know that there are those who are very very curious, even if they are equally as hesitant. I also know that a proportion of the people who reject the non-monogamous lifestyle at first bite would possibly go back for a second look if they had further information or experiences.

In my opinion, for what it is worth, I don’t see swinging or seeing other partners outside the relationship as cheating or kinky. It is more along the lines of Free Love as described by The Hoodoogurus

The other side of the prompt is about fetish. I have read definitions of fetish that state that a person with a true fetish cannot gain sexual gratification without the object or body part being present. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that one cannot include genitals as a body part here. Because really that is kind of a key part of sexual gratification.

Using this definition I don’t have a fetish. I can achieve sexual gratification without a specific set of circumstances or a particular object being present. But are there items that I find very stimulating? The answer to that is yes. I have blogged about being very turned on by seeing a man wearing my underwear. I have been looking recently at the images posted by A Man Called Alice and even though he is not wearing MY underwear he looks as hot as hell. So I am thinking that my “fetish” is expanding; or at least is bigger than I thought.

When Pet and I were dating I had quite a large collection of underwear that rotated through my wardrobe. Several pairs ended up in his possession while a few others found their way to various men who contacted me. Over time I have not replenished and lost contact with men who were interested in that kind of thing. Consequently my underwear collection today is quite small. Part of me likes that. I have become a firm believer in having less stuff in my house and countless pairs of underwear that I don’t wear regularly seem to be superfluous.

And then I find myself looking at lingerie online and wishing I did have more lacy things…. It is a constant pull and push. Although I think I may need to invest in some new underwear. My current collection is sad and doesn’t warrant posting sexy pics which I enjoy doing.

Given that my birthday is tomorrow I think I may treat myself to some new knickers. That may or may not find their way onto another man’s bottom.

This post is part of 4Thought or Fiction Prompt #158 Kink vs Fetish. I have linked to some of the participating bloggers through this post but please use the image below to find your way to some excellent posts.

Rule 1 – Respect My Husband

During my Saturday morning internet wandering I came across a post written by Marie Rebelle over at Rebel’s Notes. Even though the post was written in 2016 her words resonated strongly with me. The world of non – monogamy attracts a lot of different people including those who are not in relationships. As I wrote about in my last post Mr Jones and I have been existing in a place that is inhabited mostly by single men who are in many ways taking advantage of the availability of non – monogamous women.

These men are doing what men are programmed to do, spread their genes far and wide by getting as much sex as possible. The possibility of having sex with a woman like me is a double bonus. They get to scratch that primal sex drive itch with a willing, experienced and open minded woman PLUS they don’t have the pressure of having to maintain a relationship. For them it is winning all the way.

For me there are a lot of pluses, I can be as selective as I like; there really seems to be an endless parade if you are prepared to put it out there. I can call the shots because if what I want doesn’t suit one person there will be another who it DOES suit.

For a lot of men though there is also a primal need to be the Alpha in a situation. These men don’t want the commitment of a relationship but they also don’t like the idea that they are not the centre of a woman’s universe. One of the requirements I put on any encounter I have is that the man must respect my husband. This is something that many men are happy to comply with. They understand the incredible privilege they have been given and they act accordingly.

There are some men who kick around the swing scene, even those who are in relationships, who don’t get this concept. Even in the physical presence of my husband they seem to think that because I am flirting with them they can bypass the husband and leave him in the corner. It is as if they feel that because he is standing by allowing his wife to entertain other men that he is somehow beneath them and not worthy of their courtesy.

These are the men who lose their privileges. Not because I am on a leash controlled by my husband but because my relationship and choices are deserving of respect. By disrespecting him you are disrespecting me. There have been a couple of situations in my life involving men who have professed a strong and enduring interest. My ego is attracted to them because it is an ego that loves to be stroked. But Mr Jones has been vocal about his mistrust and reluctance to see them enjoying me.

I find it hard to resist these men. I am a sucker for someone who is charming and they are charming. I also find it hard to give a hard and firm no. Which leads them to feel that I can be worn down. These men are all about the chase. They can spend years pursuing their target. One of these men has been in conversation with me for several years. During our most recent conversation I suggested that he discuss his ideas with Mr Jones. Ultimately he is the one who has to give his blessing to any encounter I have.

Here is where my prospective lover hit a snag. Or rather failed at the first hurdle. Despite having a few ways of contacting Mr Jones he failed to even attempt. And so his quest is thwarted by some male mental block that prevents him from asking another man for permission to fuck his wife. From acknowledging that another man holds the key to his fantasy.

This is not about me being submissive to my husband. It is about me giving my husband the respect he deserves. Respect he has earned through 20 years of marriage. Through building a family. Through being with me in my darkest days and celebrating my successes. My marriage and my relationship with him deserves to be respected and treated with courtesy by those who would be intimate with me.

Often people ask about rules. What rules do we have? What can and can’t be done. The truth is that there are no rules. Nothing is ever completely off the table. Nothing is out of reach of the right combination of people and the right set of circumstances. But the first step on the road is respect.

Respect my husband.

In the Bubble

When Mr Jones and I started our swinging journey our “rules” as they were, revolved around both of us being together at all times. It was important for us to stay in contact and to look out for the other. Over time our level of trust and understanding of how to avoid dangerous situations has grown. In line with that we have expanded our horizons and these days heading out on a solo date is part of our regular repertoire. Our concern for each other has not changed. Mr Jones is concerned for my safety and prefers to know where I am and what the plan is. Equally so I am concerned to know that he is OK and not being put in a position that will damage his confidence.

In line with our “rules” we typically sought out couples. I was not so interested in other women that I wasn’t interested in other men and Mr Jones was not so insecure in our relationship that he couldn’t bear the thought of me being with another man. So we swapped partners with other couples. I am sure long term readers of these pages have read about the complicated nature of finding a suitable couple. Often one “pairing” will work while the attraction between the other two partners is lukewarm or non-existant. The politics of the situation can also become a hassle.

Mr Jones and I are fairly open and honest in our communication with each other and we both try very hard to be the same with prospective partners. Sometimes they can’t pay us the same courtesy. When they make their way to the swinging table they bring with them a host of insecurities and sometimes downright toxic relationship behaviours that can make the situation awkward.

After a few encounters and even friendships that took that path we found ourselves pulling away from swinging with couples and the swinging lifestyle in general. My mental health also spurred this disconnect. I was taken up with surviving massive hormonal changes associated with menopause and the stress of my new career. Mr Jones’ confidence declined and consequently his interest in sex followed.

I started 2020 with the realisation that I had retreated into myself much too far and needed to push myself to get out and become more connected with people around me. 2020 was to be my year of socialising more.

Then Covid happened.

As we slowly come to terms with different ways of interacting and socialising Mr Jones and I had the opportunity to spend a weekend closeted in a huge country house with a few other couples who have the same ideas about marriage as us. That is we went to a swinger’s house party.

We hadn’t met any of the people in the group before but the Brisbane scene is not that big. We had a couple of mutual acquaintances with the hosts and had probably rubbed elbows with some of the others. In any case this was a completely new situation for us. We had attended house parties but not a whole weekend. We honestly didn’t know how it would turn out. Would it be a two day orgy? Would we come home completely shagged out, unable to walk? Would we be left in the corner while everyone partied on? Would we find the couple of our dreams and dissolve into a happy polyamorous future?

As it turned out none of the above happened. Sex was not even a big feature. Nudity was limited but that was more a function of the weather, which was a little cool. What happened was a lot of drinking, something I am not used to. A lot of talking, some naughty truth or dare type games, a naked spa session and an altogether great weekend in the company of people who perhaps could be described as our tribe.

One of the ways our “Hostess with the Mostess” described it was like being in a bubble. In fact I think she needs to copyright this term as it is an entirely accurate description of the environment she creates. While in her bubble, that she creates with her husband, you feel safe and loved and able to be yourself. There is no body shaming, there is no feeling of not fitting in. Mr Jones and I found ourselves immersing into experiences that we would not have had left to our own devices. We were comfortable enough to do our own thing but also join in when we wanted. For the first time in a long time we made connections with other couples that were not vanilla but not necessarily focussed around picking up. It was what we needed. Affirmation that we had value as people and we could be all of ourselves.

Always with Vanillas there is restraint. A need to hide something, often a fear that they will discover a secret and it will have repercussions on our children or our careers. Or a fear that they will be offended and launch a personal attack. Our recent experience with swingers has been in a club, in that environment the connection is based around sex and not usually much more. Without realising it Mr Jones and I had put ourselves in a place where we never fully connected. It wasn’t particularly a problem, but you never know what you don’t have.

As the weekend drew to a close I felt the imminent bursting of the bubble. It was a little sad. I am definitely looking forward to reconnecting with our new friends inside the bubble.

This post is part of Wicked Wednesday #432. To see who else is being wicked click on the image below

Saturday Sex Interview – Highs and Lows

Question 1: Describe your worst all time sexual fail?

I honestly can’t think of one of these. I am sure I have had many occasions when I didn’t meet expectations, where things didn’t go according to plan etc etc. Most of my sexual fails have been emotional. The first time that Mr Jones and I “swung” would probably fall into this category.

We attended a swingers club, I was nervous and excited and of course as a woman in a short red dress, which Mr Jones approved, I got a lot of attention. I was set upon by a man who it turned out was essentially single. Long story short we ended up in a room with two people. My suitor achieved his goal of nailing the sexy woman in the red dress and Mr Jones ended up in the corner with a woman who was taking one for the team and really wasn’t interested in him.

I have learned a lot since then.

Question 2: Hottest sexual experience with someone who you never dated? (doesn’t have to be intercourse) Could be a hookup, incident, interaction.

I think the key thing here is the definition of dating. If you consider dating to be an exclusive romantic relationship, I haven’t had one of those for years. If you consider dating to be an emotional connection as well as a physical thing I would say that I date a lot. Some more in depth than others but in general if I don’t make a connection the sex is usually not that great.

Hottest sexual experience within an unconventional dating scenario. MMMF that Mr Jones organised for my birthday once. I was blindfolded and presented with three cocks. One was the male half of a couple that Mr Jones and I are friends with to this day, another was a non-relationship well endowed man and the third of course was Mr Jones. Much fun was had.

Question 3: One or two hottest things somebody has done or said – those moments that stick in your mind – the hot little highlights of your past? This could be something you just saw happen, or something you participated in.

Sometimes the hottest things are those that aren’t planned and aren’t expected. Quite a few years ago when Mr Jones and I were just starting to see other people solo but mostly playing in the couples swapping in the same room space I started talking to a man I met online. He was of course funny and charming.

We met for a coffee at a shopping center near where I live. When I left the house to meet him I was certain that I was not going to engage in any kind of sexual play. I was very, very new to solo dating. After we finished our lunch my new friend and I decided to spend some time window shopping. He had a definite plan and it came to fruition in the men’s change room of a large department store.

As I knelt in front of him, sucking his cock I was introduced to two things that I have always found extremely hot. A man holding my head and whispering to me what a good girl I am while his cock is deep in my throat.

The situation only added to it.

Question 4: Describe your most interesting sexual height or extreme. This could be the time your got the most wild, did the naughtiest –  longest, craziest, most over the top, most people involved, sluttiest, most sexual day – most partners in a day, your personal sexual Guinness record of some kind?

Once I went to this party. It was held in the basement of our friends’ house. I think there was about five couples including myself and Mr Jones. The party was to celebrate the birthday of the wife of the couple who were hosting. The husband liked the idea of his wife being the center of attention of everyone at the party. And he got his wish. I was part of the pile of women and men who worshiped the birthday woman at various parts of the night but during the night I also availed myself to every other person at the party. All of the men and all of the women!!

For the record Mr Jones also enjoyed one of his all time favourite evenings that night as well. One of the women took a shine to him and dragged him off into a corner for her own personal pleasure. She literally growled at anyone else who came near him. He enjoyed being the object of someone’s desire.

Friday Flashback – Afternoon Delights

Looking back over my swinging journey as part of my holiday activities has been a great experience. I had to share this little gem with you all because there is an update which is kinda amusing.

When I was in my late teens my very straight laced mother had this strange idea that it was O.K for her virginal daughter to visit her boyfriend’s house in the day time when his parents were at work but it was not O.K. to visit the same boyfriend in the same house at night time if his parents happened to be out. The reasoning that led to this conclusion?

Well apparently you can only have sex at night!!! I don’t really know if she genuinely believed this gem or if she just wanted to make herself feel better. At that point in time I was living in another city as a university student. She really had very little control over where I went, what I did or who I did it with and I guess anything that she could say to me (or herself) was better than nothing. 

Of course being seventeen going on eighteen and having my closest parent living over 300Km away from me meant that I did pretty much what I wanted, when I wanted and with whom.  My boyfriend didn’t have that luxury; his parents, annoyingly, chose to live in the same house as he did (or was it the other way around?). They were not big fans of teenage sex either and so my boyfriend and I became well acquainted with the ‘afternoon delight’. We spent many a happy afternoon locked in his bedroom with the music turned up practicing our oral sex skills and fucking ourselves silly. I have very fond memories of that virginal relationship.

Fast forward twenty (or so) years and I found myself contemplating a similar encounter. Jake and I have been exploring creative ways to meet up with our friends when childminding has not been available.  Recently a nice guy who is great with his hands messaged me to tell me he had the day off work and to ask me if I have any suggestions about what he could do to occupy his time? It just so happened that I was able to wangle a few hours in the middle of the day as well. With the kids at school we were able to plan a nice session in the luxury of a bed.

Both of us were a little excited about our date.  Jake was also very excited for me.  He did have one request; that we record our session on our video recorder.  He wanted us both to watch and enjoy later.  So Mr Fix It arrived on schedule and after a coffee and a chat we got down to business.  It took a while to get the camera organised.  Perhaps if we got the camera happening before we took our clothes off it might have helped. A small amount of the action didn’t make it onto the film but the important things did. There are a few basic things that I will never get tired of; giving head and trying out new techniques, riding a guy until he comes inside me, getting fucked hard and fast.

I am happy to report that all of the boxes got ticked in that area. I have the video evidence to prove it. Gemma was a very happy and satisfied customer. Jake came home for a visit at the end of our session.  He said that he could hear me from the driveway!!  I really was enjoying myself.

Watching the video later was a lot more horny than I thought it would be.  For once I put aside the thoughts of how fat my ass looked and how horrible the saggy bits were and enjoyed watching two people go at it.  We really were sexy.  I can ‘t wait to hear how Mr Fix it’s wife enjoys watching the same movie.

Update So Mrs Fix-it definitely did enjoy the movie. We never had a group viewing. I think that would have been a little weird. The twist in this story is that several years later the Fix-its’ daughter was looking for an SD card for her camera and for some weird reason she thought her parent’s bedside drawers were a safe place to look.

She was rewarded with a card. It just so happened to be THE card. It is unclear if she looked to see what files were on the card before recording over them. She certainly never discussed it with her parents. The general feeling was that if she did well then hopefully it was a lesson in snooping.

Kids!