I Love you Pisshead

This week’s prompt

I have this friend. It is one of the most unusual relationships I have ever had or heard of anyone else having. He is also one of my oldest friends. I met him what seems like a million years ago through some weird flirty Facebook app back when I masqueraded as a stay home parent for a couple of years. Mr Jones and I had embarked on our swinging journey but I wouldn’t say that we had settled in to it very well. Hence the weird flirty app that I never really told him about.

My friend, Petal, for want of a better name, lived close to where I had as a child. Considering that I come from a relatively small town it is interesting that we didn’t really know each other. Although we worked out that we have some mutual acquaintances. Back then he was unhappy with most of the things in his life, his job, his marriage, how his finances were placed. We chatted I think on MSN (who even remembers that!!). I used to call him Mr Grumpy because he was always complaining.

We lived a five hour drive apart. Meeting in real life was never a priority for us. So we chatted, at first on MSN and then by text. We spoke most days even if it was to say good morning and good night only. In between we talked about everything. His job, his marriage, our kids, my sex life, his lack of sex life. He was one of the few people who knew all my nuances.

He told me that I was his fantasy girl. He was infatuated by my sexual openness and adventures and loved to hear tales and receive the occasional picture. For my part I enjoyed the ego boost of his compliments. Mr Jones was always aware of our communication and sometimes participated in the conversation. Like me he was in awe of this unique relationship.

Despite the distance that separated us most of the time there were occasions when we were close enough together to touch but we never met in person. There was always an excuse or some life event that got in the way. I found this a little disconcerting and questioned him about it. He told me that I was his fantasy girl that lived in his phone and he didn’t want to risk the relationship by bringing it into reality. How could I disagree with that?

Time passed he moved even further away from me, got a better job and somehow his relationship with his wife matured and became comfortably happy. Still we kept in contact, sharing little life events, deaths of workmates, unexpected grandparent hood, sex, lack of sex, masturbation and sometimes pictures. He became a FIFO worker in a coal mine and his habit on finishing his shift was to have a few drinks. I could always tell when he had done this because I would receive the text

“I love you.”

My reply was always the same

“I love you too pisshead.” For those who aren’t familiar with the term, it is an Australian slang word for someone who drinks regularly or who is drunk.

And we do love each other. In the way of lifelong friends who may or may not fuck at some time.

During 2019 we actually met!! He gave up watching State of Origin to meet me when I was staying overnight in his town. Again, for the non Australians State of Origin has the same level of importance as the Superbowl. We sat on the beach and chatted. I got my first “Petal hug” it was amazing. Nothing about how we were changed after that meeting. We agreed that we may have sex sometime but only if it felt right. Since then we have continued in our old patterns. Except now we just say we love each other. There doesn’t have to be alcohol involved.

I have made a statement that we should meet in person at least once each year. It took us eight years to meet for the first time. I don’t want to wait eight more years for another hug. I am not sure if I will be able to make this happen. There is more than 1000 kilometres between us. Add to that the unusual nature of our friendship and it is complex.

We still text most days even if it is just to say hello. I still notice if I haven’t heard from him in a few days. He is truly a lifelong friend. I hope that we keep in touch for the rest of our lives,