Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 30

It has been more than a year since I posted the answer to the first dirty question after stumbling across the questions on the blog of Brigit Delaney. But I have finally made it to the end! I have posted responses to all of the questions bar two. If you want to browse through my journey please head on over to my Thirty Dirty Questions page.

Today also marks the last day of Molly’s Every Damned Day in June project. I started participating because I needed something to keep me honest and work on this page at least every other day. While I have not posted EVERY day I have met the minimum requirement and posted at least three times a week. It has been helpful to get that muscle working. So without further ado welcome to the last episode of Thirty Dirty Questions.

Are you dominant or submissive or a bit of both?

I think I have commented quite a few times I like the IDEA of being submissive but it doesn’t come naturally to me in most situations. My most recent foray into being submissive was my transaction with Captain Kirk. I won’t go into the details but he was dominant in a very restrained way. Missy commented on my post that she believed this was a true Dominant. Someone who is in tune with their submissive and adjusts their approach accordingly. 

I enjoyed being placed by Captain K. I enjoyed being told to suck his cock and I enjoyed him holding the back of my head and fucking my face a little. The thing that makes me weak at the knees is hearing him whisper to me that I am a good girl. From the first time I heard that phrase whispered to me quite a few years ago now it has never failed to make me weak at the knees and even more desperate to please. 

Does this make me a submissive? In some ways I think so. But there have been times when I have encountered men who identify as dominant and not enjoyed the experience. In my post “Consent” I talked about a man who identifies as dominant and loves to construct furniture for restrain and teasing. Something I find intriguing and would love to experiment with. 

Not with him. No is not a word he hears or pays attention to. 

With Captain K…. Perhaps. But I am not sure it is his jam.

Something I did realise about myself during the weekend of No Consent. I do like to dominate women. I like to go down on them and watch them squirm with pleasure. I like to fuck them with a strap on and I like to explore every part of their body. I am not so worried about having the favour reciprocated. It is just who I am. 

Several years ago I had a play friend who referred to himself as Pet. While he was typically a man’s man I believe he took the opportunity with me to explore his fantasies that involved wearing my underwear and having me put things in his arse. He also liked me to flog his cock and arse. He was a dirty dirty man and I should have taken more advantage of him. 

So to answer the question. Am I dominant or submissive I guess I am both with the right people. Mr Jones thinks that the man who would dominate me would probably not be a very nice person. If he means the man who would break my spirit and force me to submit then he is right. If he means the man who I choose to submit to because I trust that he will respect me and push me out of my comfort zone in a safe consensual way then he is wrong. 

Similarly I am not interested in dominating every young, inexperienced pretty boy who has a weak mind. If I don’t respect you then I won’t do that with you. As I get older I am more interested in dealing with people I respect who have a similar mindset than I am in just rolling with what life throws at me. People in general annoy me. Certain people are worthy of my time and effort. The rest can go fuck themselves.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 29

Have you ever (or would you ever) tried role play? What roles are you drawn to?

Role play is not something that comes to mind when I think of things I would like to try. The idea of dressing in a specific way that is dictated by someone else and pretending to be a specific character has never applied to me. As much as I enjoy the atmosphere of theatre I have never had the desire to be on a stage.

And then I started pole dance. 

On my first visit to a swingers club I watched a woman dance for her husband and lover on a pole. I remember thinking I would never be confident enough to do that. Somewhere the scales tipped. After the first time I climbed that stage and put my hand on that brass I was hooked. The power of looking a man or woman in the eye as I present my arse to them. Or as I give them a flash of my pussy is addictive. 

I have amazing boobs. There is no denying it. In appropriate environments I love getting them out for the world to see. From strippers and great boobs my ultimate role play fantasy was born. To work as a stripper / topless waitress for a room of selected people. Lap dances are available, touching is allowed. 

I just need someone who is willing to fork out for the ultimate accessory for the event, the shoes.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 28

Have you ever had an “inappropriate” crush? What was it about that person that drew you in, and what made it “not OK”?

I am sure it is documented somewhere that Mr Jones credits the start of our journey into non-monogamy with an infidelity on my part. Somewhere back in the mists of my past was a man that I worked with who I got entangled with. It was a trashily tragic story. He wasn’t that attractive, I was insecure and awkward. I am sure he engineered the whole situation and got off on the idea that I was pining over him. After months of weird and not so discreet workplace conversations we got very drunk and ended up in a hotel room. It was not hot sex. I was wracked by guilt and fear and he couldn’t get it up. Honestly it would go down as one of the worst sexual experiences of my life. 

What attracted me to him in the first place? He was charming and could talk the talk. He was an engineer and so he had this ability to do stuff with his hands. Two things that will always catch my attention. Like I said, he wasn’t physically attractive but back in those days I wasn’t as in tune with my body and desires and I would have fallen for anyone who seemed interested in me. I wasn’t in a great place.

Obviously Mr Jones and I survived and here we are today. 

These days I have interest in all sorts of “inappropriate” people. Work colleagues, friends of friends, boys on the street whoever I see that I find attractive. Of course I don’t act on most of them but I don’t mind looking and wondering. Sometimes they see me looking and that makes me smile even more. 

I have been working on this series for over a year now. But I am almost at the end. If you want to review my previous answers links to each post can be viewed on the Thirty Dirty Questions Page.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 27

What is your favourite sexual position and why?

There was once a TMI Tuesday question that asked “if you could only have sex in one position for the rest of your life what would it be?” Or something like that. Being a practical person I responded with missionary because it is an easy go to. I guess I was cheating because there are variants on missionary that make it more exciting but it is still two people facing each other one with his penis inside the other. 

Often this is a go to for me. Legs on his shoulders, his hands on my body, maybe even my boobs, and dick penetrating just the right amount. I used to love deep penetration positions like doggie and similar but these days for some reason if a man has any kind of length and he goes in really deep I feel as if he is moving my uterus around my belly and not in a fun kind of way. As we get older our bodies change and adjustments are necessary.

When I am playing I like to have sex in multiple positions. I have a relatively short attention span I guess and so If I stay in the one position for too long I get bored and then my interest / arousal wanes. Don’t get me wrong. I love fucking. It is one of my favourite things to do but there needs to be variety. This I guess is why I am struggling with the idea of having to choose ONE position. 

I guess, as I said in the opening paragraph missionary is a catch all that can describe a number of variations. I like to watch a man fucking me. If I can almost see his cock going inside me all the better. I also find it easier to position myself to ensure maximum stimulation when I am in a missionary variant. Plus there is this thing that happens when his cock slides out and he taps me on the clit……

Yep. As cliche as it sounds nothing beats being able to look someone in the eye as they cum inside your pussy. 

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 26

In my last post, masturbation, I spoke about my asexual upbringing. I lived on a farm. Everything was about reproduction but sex was not allowed. Rather, enjoying sex was not allowed. At least for the teenagers. The adults. I have no idea. At the time when I made choices about my education and earlier jobs I felt I was following the expected path. Get a university degree, get a good job. My mother is a control freak. For all of my life, including my life as an adult she did her best to be in charge of the decisions I made and to keep me in the mould she had determined made a ‘good daughter’. I could probably write a book about the ways she tried to manipulate me.

The education and the job led me to a place a six hour drive away. In hindsight it probably wasn’t far enough. Despite the distance she still tried to influence all of my choices and so the stupid Catholic, abstinence based ideas about sex continued to haunt me. My true sexual nature and my upbringing continued to wrestle with each other for a very long time. In some ways they still do. My current feelings about my ‘number’ are testimony to that.  

But I lucked out. I met Mr Jones. Sex was a feature of our relationship very early on and the way that he encouraged me to express my sexuality was exactly what I needed. I had found a person who encouraged me to dress and act sexy instead of shaming me for it. He encouraged me to be nude and be proud of my body. Cheeky nude photos in the outdoors were a feature of our relationship from the beginning. When children came along our sex life struggled. Actually our marriage struggled. There was a man I almost had an affair with and then a long dark time of guilt. 

But we made it through. And then we opened our marriage. The journey through the opening up has not been without its problems but together we have worked through it because we both knew that it was right for us. Our journey has always come back to a simple touch stone. What the other person needs and how we can make that work for us.

When I started writing this piece I was thinking that the thing I was most grateful for was my open marriage. But as I wrote I realised it went deeper than that. The thing I am most grateful for is Mr Jones. 

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 25

I am determined to finish this series. It has been over a year!! If you want to catch up on the questions so far my Thirty Dirty Questions page has all the links.

How often do you masturbate and what works best for you?

I was raised a Catholic and sex was not talked about in our house at all. Other than the cautionary “don’t do it”. In addition my mother was very critical of mine, and almost everyone else’s body. She frequently judged people about their weight. It made me very self conscious and private about my own body. I lived quite a long way from town and had very few friends that I could share any thoughts or ideas about sex, bodies, growing up etc. Even when I went to boarding school I struggled to make friends and certainly never talked about sex with anyone. In those days the internet and smart phones were a thing of the future. Learning about sex without a social network or a parent who was willing to talk to you was almost impossible. 

I did overhear conversations between other girls and gained snippets from magazines when I was allowed to buy them and so I did learn to masturbate. I had really very little idea about exactly what I was doing but I did know that I enjoyed it. I remember at one stage I got a bit of a sleep association happening and struggled to fall asleep at night without an orgasm. Not really a good situation when you are sharing a dormitory with six or seven other girls. 

As an adult I didn’t invest in a vibrator or any other sex toy until I was given one by a boyfriend. For some reason I never really took to toys. I just didn’t feel comfortable. Probably because I didn’t really feel comfortable with my body or sexuality in general. This awkward feeling about toys also extended to masturbating. I felt that when I was in a relationship I should be getting sexual gratification from having sex with my partner. Masturbating was admitting that we were getting it wrong. Consequently it was infrequent.

Fast forward to now. I still don’t masturbate frequently. I guess a lifetime of habit and ingrained negativity is still having an impact. I do feel more confident these days but I still find it hard to get alone time to enjoy this activity. Mutual masturbation is not something that is part of my regular couple sex diet. 

So what happens when I am alone? Well I do have a go-to toy. A glass dildo that Mr Jones bought me as a valentines gift a few years ago. There is something about the weight and rigidity that works for me. I still use a finger to stimulate my clitoris and use the toy to penetrate and press against my g-spot. In line with lifelong habit masturbating is usually a means to an end for me. I don’t take time to enjoy or edge. Get the job done, enjoy the warmth and relax for a while. Sometimes even enjoy a short nap. 

Boring I know. 

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 24

Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time, watched others have sex, been watched? If not, would you?

Urban dictionary defines swinging as;

“A lifestyle of non-monogamy where sexual relations occur outside the established couple. Swingers tend to refrain from romantic attachments with their outside partners, thus differentiating themselves from PolyAmorists. There is some overlap between the two communities, though the closeness of the comparisons are generally not acknowledged.

Swingers often engage in the activity as a couple. Swing parties are venues where the activities may occur”

Mr Jones and I describe ourselves as swingers for the most part. We count ourselves as part of “The Lifestyle” which is a bit of an amorphous term that seems to come from the United States. It doesn’t seem to be as widely used in Australia but most people in our community (OK lifestyle!) seem to be familiar with it. Vanillas are not. But then vanillas are not familiar with a lot of things.

Anyway. We are swingers. Which means that we do attend swinging events and clubs. Group sex is a big part of our repertoire. At this point in our lives we are more likely to be involved with threesomes with another male than we are with foursomes or ‘couple swapping’ which is what traditionally characterises swinging. If you scroll back through my blog you will see many stories describing encounters like this. Some are fictional some are fact. 

So breaking this question down. Because it is really more than one question.

Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?

Yes. I have been face deep in a woman while her husband is balls deep in me and my husband watched on. I have been face deep in a woman while her husband and my husband tag teamed me. I have had a cock down my throat while another is in my cunt. And on a few memorable occasions I have entertained penetration from two men at the same time. Whew! I am a busy girl.

Have I ever watched others have sex?

Yes. As I mentioned we attend swinging events, parties, camping weekends, clubs and the like. So yes I have seen people having sex in a range of situations. Something I feel privileged to experience is being up close to watch another couple being intimate together. Say when there are four of us in a room. There is something very special about that. 

Have I ever been watched?

Of course the answer to all of these questions is yes. The final one is not an unconditional yes however. I posted recently about an encounter Mr Jones and I had with a park bench and a distant fisherman. There have been those encounters. But at above mentioned events Mr Jones is a bit more reluctant. He is happy to have his dick sucked in the open arena but once things get serious he is less keen. 

So group sex. Yes. In a whole range of variations. 

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 22

Have you ever had sex in a public place?

Photo by Taylor Vick on Unsplash

Yes. 

Interestingly I was thinking about this not long ago. Not because I was planning any escapades but because I was reflecting on Mr Jones’ aversion to having sex in an open setting where a large number of people can watch at close quarters. I love that kind of thing. I guess I would be classified as an exhibitionist. Mr Jones not so much. 

Oddly though he is perfectly happy to have sex in a public place where a passerby might ‘happen’ to watch from a distance. There is a memorable occasion when we broke up a road trip with a stop in a picnic area near a lake. A distance across the lake there was a camping area and the lake was popular with fishermen and campers. 

We ended up having sex on a picnic table. Of course when we began there were not any people around but at the end there seemed to be a few, keeping a discreet distance of course. The one that stuck in my mind the most was a fisherman in a kayak quite a distance away. He seemed particularly interested. I genuinely hope he went home after that and gave his wife a good seeing to. 

There have been other similar occasions between us. As I mentioned Mr Jones is fond of the great outdoors. It is strange though how being shown a different perspective can completely change your feelings about something. I saw a junk “reality” show not long ago that focussed on clips of camera footage taken from cameras installed in public spaces like underground carparks, shopping centres and the like. One of the clips shown was a couple who had been out nightclubbing and decided that the boom gate of the carpark was a great place to have sex. 

Watching the footage and listening to the show’s commentators making fun of the couple completely changed my perspective. There is something deeply exciting about having sex in a place that is taboo. The thrill is increased when you get away with the act knowing that maybe a bystander enjoyed the show but there are not any other repercussions. But in all honesty there isn’t always a way to know if the unsuspecting bystander DOES enjoy the show. 

Our society has the idea that sex should be kept behind closed doors deeply ingrained into our subculture. For many people public displays of affection, even as innocent as kissing, are offensive. Intimacy between adults should be kept private in most vanilla people’s eyes. Of course there is probably a whole book that could be written about how unhealthy that attitude is and the damage it does to young people seeking to learn about healthy relationships. In this world of internet porn parents really do need to consider the idea that demonstrating what they consider to be a healthy relationship up close and personal and in real life could go a long way to helping their children avoid some very undesirable sexual situations.

Will there be public sex in my future? I believe the answer is probably yes. Although high traffic areas like the picnic ground mentioned above might not be ideal. A beach where there aren’t many people? Definitely on the cards. 

If you want to catch up on any Dirty Questions that you may have missed visit the Thirty Dirty Questions page for a complete set of questions and links.

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 23

I have been struggling to write anything of late. My new job is a much longer commute and it is taking it out of me a bit. I used to get a solid hour of quiet time in the mornings but now I am struggling to get in 30 minutes. The routine will come. It hasn’t been a full term yet. Until then things are going to be sporadic.

When and how did you lose your virginity, and how did you feel about it? How do you feel about it now?

I lost my virginity when I was 17. I had moved out of home to attend university and for some reason I was on a mission to get sexually active. At the time I did not realise but what was happening was the classic reaction of a young person who has been restricted by parents and the education system. With the first taste of freedom they go a little crazy. Perhaps as an indicator of my future sexual antics were my particular jam.

I gave my virginity to a mature age student in my university course. He was about 23 and was busily working his way through all the impressionable 17 and 18 year olds in our course. We all thought he was incredibly good looking, he wasn’t, We all thought he was worldly and grown up. But honestly he was a complete fake. No fixed career and not a lot to show for the five years he had been working since he left high school. No tales of travel, no fixed address and a beat up car. He supposedly had a girlfriend who none of us ever met and who, according to him was more of an on again off again thing. 

I found myself in his flat one afternoon and there we were naked. From memory he was reasonably well endowed and I remember making him wear a condom. I didn’t tell him I was a virgin until afterwards. He was concerned about that and I remember him apologising to me and admonishing me for not telling him. Honestly I don’t think it would have made a difference. But there it was. 

I was not ashamed of what had happened and wasted little time letting people know. Maybe I thought it would make me more popular. It didn’t. It certainly didn’t secure him, even temporarily. I guess I wasn’t his type because he moved on straight away. He then proceeded on his mission of fucking as many impressionable young girls as possible. One particularly memorable time he fucked my friend while I was in the room and not involved. Maybe he thought it would trigger a threesome. I was too socially awkward to know what to do other than pretend I couldn’t hear them and steadfastly concentrate on the Maths we were all supposed to be studying.

For the record. I failed that exam and she got pregnant. Not a great outcome for either of us. At least I didn’t end up with that gift. Looking back I don’t regret what happened as much as I regret being so immature and impulsive. I regret what was the beginning of a lifelong mind habit of thinking my most important value is in being sexual. I wish I had more people in my life then, and now, who celebrated my other talents and gave me a different focus. Perhaps then I would have ‘saved myself’ for someone who appreciated me, the person, a bit more and who wouldn’t cast me aside like a takeaway container after the meal is hastily consumed. It may have saved me later heartache and given me the confidence to make better relationship choices. 

If wishes were horses then beggars would ride.  

Thirty Dirty Questions – Question 21

Source Brigit Delaney

We are on the final ten questions!! I WILL finish this one day!

In your opinion what does it mean to be good in bed?

When I opened this question to start writing I had the best of intentions. Then it all went out the window. Early morning, Lots of competing ideas and issues, not enough time the list goes on and on. So I asked the good people of Twitter. This method of finding information may sound a little haphazard and to be honest it hasn’t always been successful in the past. But in these days of @MrsJonesMT50 (as opposed to the much more popular and suspended @MrsJonesMT45) my followers are of a much higher quality. Their feedback was probably what I should have known all along. 

The key is connection. 

And this helped me to crystallise the whirling thoughts in my head. Over my life I have had sex with many people both male and female. The quality of the encounters has varied widely. Many factors have been at play. Things like what is going on in the background, how much alcohol has been consumed, the state of my relationship with Mr Jones and my own mental health. All of these factors can mean fireworks or they can help to create a fizzer. All of the fireworks events involved a connection. Some kind of spark that is hard to describe but is definitely easy to spot both when it is present and when it is absent. While it takes two to create a connection there are some factors that seem to, for me a least, make a person more likely to form a connection.

Firstly manners. A good lover is generous and considerate. You don’t have to tell them they are going to hard or too deep. They can see when you are comfortable and when you aren’t enjoying yourself and they make adjustments accordingly. Sadly women are conditioned not to make a fuss and this makes many of us terrible at correcting a lover if they are not hitting the right spot but nothing kills the mood quicker than having to forcefully tell someone they need to move a bit to the right! 

Secondly hygiene. A person who smells good is sexy as fuck. You don’t have to be scrubbed to within an inch of your life but being clean and keeping things trimmed will go a long way. Something I find super sexy is going away from an encounter and still being able to smell their aftershave or perfume in my hair or on my body. That little waft of scent triggers a twinge of a memory. 

Lastly, a nice cock. It doesn’t have to be overly large. In my experience large, especially long, can be painful. Small has its challenges but I have had some encounters with men on the smaller side that have been very very sexy. But there is something about an attractive cock. I can’t define what makes one look better than another. It isn’t size or circumcision or the amount of veins. There is just something that makes me take a second look. 

All of these things are one part of the puzzle. A fireworks encounter doesn’t require all of them. Sometimes one is enough. Sometimes all the boxes are ticked, sometimes one or more are not and this isn’t an issue. As I said earlier there are factors on my side of the fence that don’t always line up and it is a more of a “It’s not you it’s me” situation. So being good in bed is not about a specific set of skills or attributes. It is about being able to roll with the situation and make things work with what you have.