Thirty Truths #1

I found this meme on Sweet n Dirty’s blog. It was something I had seen before and wanted to complete but never did. I took the reminder as a sign to get off my ass and do something about it. For convenience I have created a page listing each topic and will link all of the posts relating to it there.  

Number one on the list is something you hate about yourself. 

The thing I hate most about myself is my body. For some of you reading this it may seem to contradict some of the things you have read that I wrote and possibly that I have said either in person or online.

Truth is I am like many people, hungry for approval, hungry to be liked and desired. Like a lot of people I also have a deep conviction that I am not good enough. It kind of reminds me of the Kasey Chambers song “Am I Not Pretty Enough?”

So in this world of perfectly attractive people, even the token ugly ones on dating shows, I worry that my stomach is not flat enough, that my thighs are too big and that I don’t look like a 30 year old fitness model.

Yes I take my clothes off in certain safe environments that could be regarded as public. Yes men (and women) tell me often that I am attractive, that I have an amazing butt, my boobs are beautiful and sometimes I agree with them. At least enough to keep displaying myself but sometimes the doubt comes back. It is hard to eradicate.

Recently I have been interacting with a man who disagrees very strongly with this idea. And I really appreciate his appreciation of my body. It makes me feel amazing to be in his presence and hear his words. I just have to keep reminding myself when he isn’t there.