Turn off the alarm and debate with myself about going back to sleep. Right now, in week 8 of a 10 week term I am almost at the point of counting the sleeps before the holidays start. The other crucial part of my getting up routine is cuddling the cat. Neither of us can function properly if we don’t have our morning cuddle.
2. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?
Have a snuggle with Mr Jones. Sometimes it turns into more but mostly it is just a cuddl a kiss and “good night”.
3. Are you a giver or taker?
Such a giver! Not just in bed but in everything. In bed I am definitely the one who is more likely to come away from an experience wondering what all the fuss was about. In fact reflecting back I think that was ultimately what caused my relationship with Pet to die. That and the fact he was/ is a very selfish person.
4. If you had to give yourself a new name, what would it be?
Esmeralda Amelia Jane. In a pinch though Gemma will do. It has served me well as an alias for many years now.
5. A world-famous chef asks you to make dinner, what would you make?
Absolutely no fucking idea. Probably lasagna because that is the meal that I am famous for, in my own little kitchen anyways.
Bonus: What’s the worst advice you ever received?
I must be a bit of a maverick because I can’t remember ever taking someone’s advice and regretting it. Either that or I have no friends that care enough to give advice to me.
This week’s questions are a little eclectic but I enjoyed them. If you are interested in more TMI goodness then make sure you check out the TMI Tuesday page.
1. If you were forced to wear a warning label, what would yours say?
Quite a few years ago someone actually made a Facebook post about me that said;
“Caution hot! Pole not included.”
Ironically in her knowledge pole dancing was the most scandalous thing I did in my spare time but in spite of this I think the label still applies.
Definitely Ernie. He wasn’t exactly the smartest one but he was definitely the one who had the best sense of enjoying the simple things in life.
3. If you could have an endless supply of a candy or baked good, what would you get?
This is a hard one. I am a huge fan of chocolate cake and have been known to say that good chocolate cake can be better than sex. But I also have a weakness for vanilla slice. I don’t actually think that if I had an unlimited supply one one thing that I would like it for very long. Variety is the spice of life.
4. Who is your favorite villain? Why?
This is a hard one. No one exactly springs to mind. I am not sure if she is exactly a villain but I do like Catwoman, the Michelle Pfieffer version.
Sunrise, definitely. I am a farm girl born and bred and since childhood I have awoken at sunrise. These days I am ‘better’ at sleeping in but there is still a special place in my psyche for sunrise.
Bonus: If you took a job out of your current career path, what job would your take?
Currently I am in the third year of my current career. I started my first year of being a teacher when I was 41 years old. It was a significant career change that happened after several major events in my life. I am not sure if there is another job that I would really be interested in pursuing.
The older I get the more I am convinced that that the western idea of love is all fluffy kittens and unrealistic ideas about ‘sparks’ and everlasting fidelity. The reality is very very different. Love, at least the type that makes a marraige that lasts more than 8.7 years (the average length of a marraige according to the Australian Institute of Family Studies) is messy, complicated, gritty and sometimes just plain hard work. Very often fidelity, at least in the traditional sense of the word, is not a part of it.
So to answer the question, yes love is a serious thing. Marraige or committed partnership deals with some very serious stuff, substantial investments like houses and superannuation, the raising of children, facilitating careers, caring for elderly or ill parents and a whole bunch of other serious things. That first attraction, which many people think of as lust, that is not so serious, it can be very easy come, easy go. The trick is to not get the serious business of life, especially that part involving children, mixed up in it.
2. Finish this sentence: I never knew sweat like this.
So I am 44 years old and apparently my body has decided that it is time to get ready for menopause. Not a sexy thing really. The thing I hate the most, the sweat. When everyone else is complaining that it is getting a bit warm I am starting to resemble a snowman on a sunny day and looking for the nearest fan. Not something that is great when you live in the subtropics and the humidity averages around 70%. Right now in the peak of Australian summer I am seriously in love with my air conditioner.
3. Would you rather swim with sharks that you know have recently bitten people or swallow live worms? Why did you make that choice?
Absolutely give me the sharks every day! Why? Because sharks are cool, in exactly the same way that bow ties are cool. (Yes I did just make a Dr Who Joke)
There has been an apparent upsurge of shark attacks in Australian waters recently but the reality of most sharks is that they are not really interested in eating us. Like most animals that don’t have hands, sharks bite things sometimes just to find out what they are, just the same way as we often can’t keep our hands of something we are curious about.
I have a friend who is a SCUBA diver and she adores diving with sharks because they like pats just as much as dogs. The only type of shark that you seriously need to avoid is a bull shark, they are just nasty. If it is a bull shark then I will take the worms.
4. What is beautiful and most appealing about you?
An interesting question. I would like to think it is my personality and razor sharp wit. Although many people comment on my boobs or my ass. I dunno what do you all think?
5. What time is it RIGHT NOW? What were you doing before you started to play TMI Tuesday?
Right now it is 9.29am on Tuesday. Just before I sat down to to this I was checking out campsites at a National Park that we are considering visiting during the Easter school holidays. I am a little excited about this trip as we haven’t done much camping or checking out of National Parks for a while. However I am not as excited as I am about the trip we are planning during June when we will be visiting Central Australia including Uluru and Kings Canyon.
Bonus: Are you a little bit damaged? How so?
Everyone is a little bit damaged but as a good friend of mine once said; “all crayons write the same even when they are broken. “
One word can describe how I am feeling about this year right now, wet! Not the really fun kind of wet, although there was some of that on NYE, right now it is the camping / boating while raining kind of wet when all the towels are wet and everything else is damp and there is nowhere to hang anything to dry. This is relatively unusual for this part of the world but as we were finding a sheltered anchorage in the rain and wind last night I wondered why in the hell would anyone sail as a hobby in a country where this is the norm?
2. Did you go out on NYE or have a New Year’s day celebration?
For the last few years we have had family friendly New Years celebrations. But this year Mr Jones decided that it was time for an adults only New Year’s Eve. We found ourselves at a swingers club which was a lot of fun. There was some very sexy interactions and some massaging going on but no serious play ensued. Mainly due hang ups that some people seem to have. I won’t go into details but there may be a post pending on this topic sometime in the near future.
3. Ahh yes, those pesky New Year’s Resolutions. How did you do with your 2016 NY resolutions–did you keep them?
For the first three months of the year yes. After that no. All I will say is that they were mostly boring resolutions to do with maintaining vegetable gardens and such like. Really it is not surprising that I didn’t stick to it.
4. Year 2017, are you carrying over any resolutions from 2016? What?
Well the vegetable garden is still hanging around and thanks to this weather system that has put a dampener on our sailing expedition will be nice and ready for seedlings when we get back but I am not really putting together a resolution around it as such. But really you don’t read this to hear talk of tomatoes and lettuce.
5. What new experiences are you planning to have or hoping to have in 2017?
At the party that we were attending on NYE the MC was walking around asking random people for their NY resolutions. At the time I was holding a sachet of popping candy and contemplating using it while giving a head job. This is something I have heard of doing but haven’t tried. In one of those sour of the moment things I mad the statement that that I was going to spend 2017 learning 5 new techniques to use while giving head. This morning while discussing this with Mr Jones he asked me to list the techniques I already knew. They included;
- Using my hand as an extension of my mouth
- Deep throating, this is something I need to practise as I struggle a bit with larger grey especially if their head is big
- Sucking firmly on the tip or head of the penis which can be fairly intense
- Inhaling air around the shaft of the cock during the “upstroke” which makes a cool draft of air. Mr Jones particularly likes this one.
- Using ice cubes
- Using mints
- Sliding my tongue between the foreskin and the head of the cock on men who are uncircumcised. This is to be done with caution as some people are not as clean as others
- Stimulation of the arse or skin behind the balls while sucking.
This list is not totally complete but after considering it I am thinking adding five new techniques to it may be a bit of a challenge. If any readers have suggestions please fell free to leave them in the comments.
Bonus: Did you see fireworks on New Year’s eve? (Take that anyway you want :-p )
The entertainment for our adults only evening out included both a male and female stripper. As is the way often the male stripper was mediocre. Some people would call home attractive but he didn’t do it for me. The female stripper on the other hand was AMAZING. One of the very excellent parts of her show was to cover certain parts of her body in shaving foam and set it on fire. I have never really seen this done before but I am kind of inspired to give it a go during a play session. Watch this space for tales of burnt skin.
The only actual firework I came into contact with was the cracker that some idiot decided to let off in the park next to our house as the sun was coming up on January 1. Not Happy Jan
As always make sure you check out the TMI page for your weekly overdose of TMI goodness
I don’t really believe in playing games with relationships so the idea of testing someone’s love is foreign to me. Having said that I have been married for 18 years and of course there have been many times when you would say that my relationship has been tested. We are still together so I guess you can say that things have turned out well.
2. Select the answer that best fits your experience. I have dated:
a. all the wrong people
b. romantic companions that were mostly a good fit for me.
c. people that were perfect fits–loves at first sight
d. not all that much, I mainly have had a lot of long term relationships
As I stated in question one I have been married for 18 years but prior to that I was mostly d. I didn’t really date all that much. Since we opened our marraige I have dated a lot but not in the traditional sense. The results of this dating are splashed all over this and my Erotic Adventures blog. I will leave you to do the research and make your own conclusion
3. Online dating: What is your success rate? What do you consider success?
So as I already said I date, primarily from online sources. Of course the motivation for this dating is not to find a relationship in the traditional sense. I am seeking sexual adventure and experiences that most people fantasise about, if they are brave enough. In terms of success it has been very hit and miss. I have written about both of these. I have been fortunate to have some extraordinary adventures but they have not been something that comes along every day. You really have to sort through a lot of rubble to find the gems.
4. What sexual thing do you do most often that you could commit to doing everyday?
A realist will be very aware of the fact that doing something every day is a great way to make it a chore. Experience tells me that making anything sexual a chore is a good way to cause problems in your marraige, so sorry to be a party pooper but I am not going to entertain the idea of doing anything sexual every day.
5. What are your thoughts on love and lust?
There is definitely a difference between a lust based relationship and a love based relationship. The line when a relationship crosses from one realm into another is very, very blurry and differs from person to person and situation to situation. There is absolutely no way that real love resembles in any way the saccharine sweet Disney version of love that we are sold as children. In my experience real love is practical, it has lots of lumps and bumps and does not come in one size fits all.
Lust is hot intense and rears its head in all sorts of situations. It is definitely a roller coaster ride and like all roller coasters great for a holiday treat but not something you necessarily want in your life every day.
Bonus: Are you searching for love or are you searching for attention?
I believe I have already found love with all of its imperfections, practicalities and pragmatism. I have built a partnership over 18 years that has raised children, built a comfortable life and sustained ourselves and a number of friends through some interesting times. I am searching now for the roller coaster ride. Maybe I have become a bit of a junkie or maybe a connoisseur but as I have said many times I am a goddess and, yes, it is all about me.
As always make sure you head in over to the TMI Tuesday site for more TMI goodness.
To answer this one I had to think for while about what the term sexting actually means. Maybe because it is 5.30am when I am writing this. So I have to answer that I would sext at least once a week. In fact the last time I sexted was two days ago and this is the image I sent;
2. How many dick pics have you sent in the last 3 months? 6 months? Year?
I am a girl, last time I checked, so 1. I don’t have a dick in front of me 24/7 to take photos of and 2. I don’t have that primal urge that most men have to share images of their penis with everyone. So I will instead discuss how often I recieve dick pics.
Until quite recently I received dick pics on a reasonably regular basis, considering, that I am 44 and married with 2 teenage children. However Mr Jones and I have closed the door to our relationship slightly and I am not interacting with single men that much at the moment. On top of that Pet has a lot happening in his life as well and that particular relationship has also cooled somewhat. So unfortunately I am not the recipient of sexy dick pics that much any more. Guys that is not an invitation.
3. Do you prefer to send pics of your boobs or your vajayjay (aka pussy, in case you didn’t know)?
My preferred body part to photograph is my ass, see above. It is actually reasonably difficult to take a good photograph of your actual vulva, the vagina is on the inside girls. But personally I prefer sending pics that involve clothing, particularly knickers so if my vulva is involved it is usually covered. Sometimes the suggestion of what is concealed is more sexy that an image of the actual thing.
4. Do you prefer to receive pics of boobs or a woman’s genitals?
Again I am not a guy, not really sure what is happening with the questions this week, so I prefer to recieve pictures of male body parts. I will say this in capital letters because it needs to be said this way, ON REQUEST OR WITH PRIOR ARRANGEMENT!!!!!!!!! Maybe I should also bold it.
5. Dick pics, do you really think they are sexy?
Ohhhhhhhhh yes! Again the need for capitals, WHEN THEY ARE FROM PEOPLE I HAVE ALREADY MET AND HAVE AN ARRANGEMENT WITH!!!!!! I have always had a fascination with penises and I love to look at them. I also have a well documented weakness for watching men masturbate. One of the things Pet does which I love is send short videos of him cumming. I love listening to his breathing and the sounds he makes. It will make me wet every single time.
6. Do you send unsolicited pics of your genitals?
7. Are you more impressed and willing to get to know, meet-up with, date, or have sex with someone who presents a “good dick pic” or “nice tits” pic?
Remembering that I am already married, I don’t date with the agenda, hidden or otherwise, that I am looking for a life partner. So yes, having an appendage that I find attractive is a very important thing. If you have a tiny dick you have a lot of ground to make up in other areas. I don’t ‘date’ just the penis but it is a significantly important part of the whole package.
Bonus: Just how sexy are you.
This sexy. See photo in question 1.
For more TMI goodness head on over to the TMI Tuesday website
So I kind of liked this set of TMI questions as well so I decided to extend the TMI double to s triple.
BFFs, sex, and break-ups
Not too bad actually. Getting to the pointy end of term which means an insane amount of work that needs to be packed into a ridiculously short space of time but the consolation is that I am facing two weeks of holidays coming at me. There has to be some perks associated with this job.
2. You are given a strong but soft to the touch (and on the skin) rope. What will you do? (pick just one). Explain your choice.
a. Throw it in the garage to use later to tie down a tarp or something.
b. Use it for indoor wall rock climbing.
c. Tie up your lover and have your way with him/her.
d. Lasso your secret crush and take them with you.
Definitely c). Why? Because it is rather intoxicating having that much power over someone and an even bigger turn on tantalising them with sensual pleasure punctuated with reminders that I have the power to cause pain. Life is meant to be lived on the edge.
3. Give three reasons why you or anyone should masturbate.
- You are insanely horny. Not just waking up with an erection so to speak but that knawing feeling in the pit of your stomach that means your pelvis jerks involuntarily from time to time.
- You have been wearing jeans or knickers all day that have a seam that just rubs you in that spot and you have teased yourself stupid with it.
- To remind a partner that they are not indispensable and that you are capable of giving yourself pleasure without any attached drama.
4. Would you have sex with your best friend? Have you had sex with a best friend in the past? How’d that work out–did you stay friends?
Once, a very long time ago I did have sex with someone who was my “best friend”. It is probably worth mentioning that we did date for a little while before we became friends. I guess that is an indicator that there probably was some residual feelings left. Interestingly he was not particularly impressed when I started dating my husband and the last conversation I had with him was when I announced my engagement. At the time when we had sex I was under the impression that he was not interested in pursuing a relationship. However his reaction to my engagement kind of told me otherwise. Whatever was going on we have not spoken for about nineteen years.
5. What are your top 5 reasons to break up with someone?
I am in a marraige that is getting close to celebrating its eighteenth anniversary so my answers to this question are going to be more focussed on breakups of non-primary romantic type relationships.
- It is no longer enough about me. This applies to play or friends with benefits. I am a fairly accomodating and very keen to make other people happy but Gemma Jones is a sex goddess and she deserves some worship. If that isn’t happening then I am off to find a more deserving worshipper.
- They are draining my emotional energy. Some people always seem to have some kind of drama happening in their life. These are people who are always grateful for emotional support but who always seem to be absorbed in their own drama and can’t return the favour when you need it.
- They are always complaining about their problems but never seem to want to get off their arse and do something about it. Seriously, maybe the reason you are always broke is because you spend your money on stupid crap! Maybe instead of complaining about the job you hate you should go out and get a new one.
- They are just idiots. I spend a lot of my working day dealing with teenagers and adults who don’t seem to possess basic life skills. I don’t need to be doing that in my leisure time. If you can’t make intelligent conversation that holds my attention you are going to lose me. In fact sometimes conversation is overrated. If you want to fuck then don’t waste a lot of my play time with conversation.
- Like the cartoon says, they just stop calling. I am extremely self conscious about pushing myself on to people. So if I don’t get a response when I text or message and I get turned down when I try to make plans to catch up I will stop calling and asking.
Bonus: Post an image you find erotic? What about it arouses you?
This is actually a photo that was part of some wallpaper in a pub that Mr Jones and I visited recently. I think that there isn’t enough sexual images of men that have a heterosexual focus in the general public domain. What I love about this image is the shyness of him but the fact that he is still being sexual. It makes me want to explore him.
Erm….. You put your lips on the lips of the other person and then stuff happens???? I don’t really have a specified technique. It depends a fair bit on the other person.
2. When do you feel most sexy?
When I am fucking and there are other people standing around watching me. It is one of my guilty pleasures that I am a terrible exhibitionist and I really get off on knowing that other people are watching me and getting turned on by what I am doing.
3. Which of these most resembles you?
- I exude male sexiness
- He-man, think sexy lumberjack
- Call me the ladies man
- Curvy sexy and all woman
- Tomboy, kitten with a whip type
- Girl next-door
- Sexy nerd
Definitely curvy, sexy and all woman. There are times when I fantasise about being the kitten with the whip type but in all honesty I am just all about being a sex goddess and being worshipped.
4 What makes for a sexy meal?
I love food. There are not many cuisine types that I don’t enjoy. As far as sexy food? Anything that looks good on the plate and doesn’t dissapoint when eaten is sexy. A sexy meal? Something like this is pretty hot.
5. What are some of your seduction techniques?
I like to wear clothing that I think looks hot. Read that as short, revealing and if you are that way inclined, slutty. I am slowly acquiring a collection of what vanilla people would refer to as stripper shoes. Some men who I have met have given very positive feedback on my clothing although some have commented that their first impression of me is that I am ‘out of their league’ which I find a bit weird. Several women have commented that they find me a bit intimidating. Sometimes I think maybe I should tone it down a little but when I do feel fake. So I guess I am not for the faint hearted. Neither am I a man eater. I only bite if you ask me to.
6. What’s sexier and why?
- Mixed alcoholic beverage
- Iced tea.
Sexy is not really about what you are drinking as such. Sexy is about the way you hold yourself and like true beauty it comes from within.a person can be drinking beer and be sexy and the same applies to all of the beverages listed above. On the flip side a person can be drinking all of the above beverages and come accross as a complete loser.
Bonus: Are you hot as in sexy? How can you share your sexiness with the world?
Without sounding egotistical I have been told by a number of people that I am hot. I don’t always believe this feedback but I am working on accepting compliments more.
As for sharing my sexiness with the world, I think that this blog is a big part of that. As is my Twitter feed. There are a small number of people who I totally enjoy swapping sexiness with. I don’t feel the need to share with an excessive number of people but I am very much enjoying the experiences that I do have.
As always you can check out more TMI goodness on the TMI site.
I have been off the radar for a couple of weeks. But as I was bumming around on the internet enjoying a celebratory Friday beverage I decided to check out this week’s TMI. The topic appealed to me and so here is a sleep deprived, Friday evening attempt at a sexual biography.
I was a late starter. I made entirely through high school without losing my virginity. This was probably due to a lack of opportunity rather than a lack of interest or a particularly strong desire to be virtuous. Looking back now with the wisdom of age and hindsight I think being a ‘brain’, as we referred to them, with coke bottle glasses and absolutely no social skills that was locked in a boarding school probably saved me from being ‘that girl’ that everyone talked about with apparent disdain but secret awe.
In a lot of ways I have been making up for it ever since. I am not the owner of a particularly high sex drive but I have always been open minded about sex and things sexual. This has led me to have some adventures that make a lot of Vanilla people’s eyes pop out. Especially when living as my alter ego, Gemma. The journey from 17 year old virgin to 42 year old part-time sex goddess has been long and involved a stop along the way to birth and refer to school age two children. For a couple of years I was a stay at home mum to school age children and a full time Sex Goddess. That was when my adventures peaked. Mostly in the form of meeting various men, some of them strangers, for adventures in change rooms, parks, at swinger’s parties and the like. I have ticked off many ‘standard’ fantasies; group sex (with as many as 20 people in the ‘group’), jelly wrestling (that was a bit weird), sex with multiple women, sex with multiple men, double penetration, blindfold sex, BDSM parties and sex with people that I never actually introduced myself to.
I have sold used underwear, been the recipient of ‘tribute photos’ with said underwear, tied up men, spanked men, fisted women and men, experienced double penetration both double vaginal and anal / vaginal, enjoyed more spit roasts than I can count and attended parties where I fucked every single person at the party, both male and female including my husband. I have laid on a bar and let everyone in the club eat cream and choloclate sauce off me and probably a bunch of stuff that has slipped my mind.
I love giving head and thanks to the attentions of Pet and another friend I have recently discovered the joys of rimming. At the moment my favourite things are; watching Mr Jones eat other men’s cum off me while he is fucking me, teasing Pet in any way that comes to mind, exploring the boundary between pleasure and pain (Pet’s pain my pleasure ) and giving head to random people in swinger’s clubs.
I could go on but I think I have well and truly exceeded the 250 word limit. I tend to use this blog as a bit of a confessional booth so if you stay tuned there is a good chance that I will be sharing stories of my exploits as they happen in the future.
As for the BONUS question: I haven’t frequented public transport much since I got my first car at age 21. So despite my varied exploits I have to say no. However now that I think about it I may have to add this to the Fucket list and give it a go at some time in the future.
Make sure you hop along to the TMI page and check out the other confessions… Erm I mean Biographies!
This week is a collection of randomness with no real theme. As always head on over to the TMI Page to check out the other entries.
1. When you first skied down the slopes of love with your significant other were you a:
- a. bunny hill beginner
- b. a seasoned ski bum
- c. black diamond risk-taker pulling out all the tricks and inversions
I would like to say that I was a black diamond risk-taker but I don’t think I ever was a black diamond anything. But I was definitely seasoned enough to know the difference between a fling and the real deal. As far as tricks I was determined not to play any mind games. It has worked well for 17 years
2. If you had a sexual encounter in a taxi cab and the meter was running, costing you $1 per minute. How much would that cab ride cost you?
How long is a piece of string? There are some sexual partners I can think of who would cost me $5 and others who would end up costing me about $60 or possibly even more.
3. Who has the better sense of humor, you or your significant other?
That probably depends on who you ask. Mr Jones thinks he is hilarious but if you don’t know him well it can be difficult to tell when he is joking and when he is serious. I have been known to have flashes of comedic genius but my most enthusiastic audience at the ese moments were five year olds so I guess you need to wonder if it really was comedic genius.
4. What is the weirdest part of your nightly bedtime routine?
I don’t really know. I don’t consider anything I do before I go to bed weird. The only possibility is texting good night to Pet and sometimes to another male friend who I have known for several years but never met in person. Actually the texting good night is not the weirdest part of that relationship. The weirdest part of that relationship is that it exists in the first place. Someone I met on a facebook flirting app has had a sustained Internet and texting relationship over about four years and neither of us is ever intending to meet in person. That is just a little weird.
5. Fill in the blank: I can’t stand to be called ______ .
In the interests of protecting my identity I can’t really say it but during my tormented high school boarding experience I had a nick name that I hated then and have not come to terms with yet. It was a play on my name and not really unflattering but it reminds me of a time I would rather forget. Recently a colleague unknowingly used the same name for me and was mortified when I informed her of my experiences. She is nothing like the girls who made my life miserable all those years ago but it didn’t stop some of the emotions that came back when I heArd those words.
6. What household item do you use and never put back where it belongs?
Mr Jones complains that I never put the milk back in the fridge after I have used it but I think he is imagining that. Otherwise I am the ‘put shit back where you found it’ Nazi. Because as the Mother of the household I spend a large chunk of my life locating lost items for people.
In a post script that come to mind as I was editing this post I remembered that I am appealing at putting my sex toys away. They often get slipped under my pillow after use and stay there for several days before I clean them and put them back.
Bonus: The first bed you ever had sex in, was it twin, double, queen, king -sized or some other size?
I lost my virginity in a double bed that belonged to the guy I was with. That story in itself is a sad tale of approval seeking which I may tell at another time. I will say that the majority of my earlier sexual experiences involved many scenarios that weren’t beds. Mainly because as a teenager you don’t exactly live in your own home furnished with adult sized furniture. Nor do you have a lot of privacy in the homes that you DO inhabit.