Hanging with Vanillas

Photo by Dovile Ramoskaite on Unsplash

Last night I went to the pub for a meal with a friend. As we dressed and prepared to leave I commented to Mr Jones that we should really do this kind of thing more often. We almost never go out for a meal just because it seems like fun. While we do go to our local swinger’s club for drinks and socialising reasonably regularly we never go to a pub to catch up with friends or to see a band.

When I was younger I didn’t have the social circle or the budget to be at the pub or partying on every weekend. So I was never really in the habit of going clubbing with friends. Heading out to see a band was a big deal for me. When Mr Jones and I started swinging our night life changed a lot. But all of the partying and socialising we did had particular focus that usually saw us naked and fucking by the end of the evening. Going to a bar to pay the crazy prices they charge for drinks just for shits and giggles has never been part of our regular schedule.

So we arrived and had a great meal with our friend. It was good to catch up and hang out. After our meal we ventured into the main bar where karaoke was cranking up. It was interesting seeing how the other half party. The drinking was similar. The weird behaviour and conversations over loud music were the same as I remembered and the same as most parties.

The thing that struck me was feeling at odds with how flirting worked. A woman came up to me and full on ran her hands over my body. I was taken aback. I thought she was with a man. I was with my husband. Later in the bar another man was giving off flirty vibes but he seemed a little reluctant. Obviously the presence of husband was an issue. I kept to myself. Unsure of where lines were and what was acceptable and what was not.

In the wash-up I am unconvinced it is something I would like to do every week. Maybe every now and then. I would rather hang out around a camp fire with some like minded souls. Or even at a pinch head out for dinner and drinks with similar like minded souls. At the end of the day the only thing in this world that should be vanilla is ice cream.

3 thoughts on “Hanging with Vanillas

  1. I’ve noticed stuff like this, too… and it’s interesting. Just hanging out with friends and with no thoughts about sex with them is… just being social and being flirty is very much a part of it. We have… rules about flirting. We don’t expect or like someone flirting with us if we’re out with our partner and we get… weird when someone gets bold enough to feel us up in some way and, yeah, especially after some hair of the dog has loosened inhibitions.

    We think in terms of things being vanilla and not so much; vanilla is the way people are supposed to be but the truth is, eh, we aren’t always all that vanilla. I don’t know how many times I’d been out in the club with my wife… and we both get hit on and sometimes at the same time. Inappropriate? Violating boundaries? Well, they only knew that our boundaries were being “violated” if and when we chose to let them know this and, um, sometimes, we didn’t. Oh, you wanna flirt? You have no idea what you might be getting yourself into because even as individuals, we weren’t even close to being vanilla but if you learn nothing else about being social, you learn that you will be flirted with and there’s no real harm in doing some flirting and it’s all about how far you’re willing to let things go.

    I have had more women flirt with me because I wear a wedding ring than I ever did before I got married… and it’s not just women. Like, I don’t mind being felt up… but ya might want to ask permission first but, yeah, I’ve been groped by men and women in clubs and definitely flirted when when I was just being… vanilla. My wife would come home from being out with the girls and regale me with the men and women who were flirting hard with her and how she’d allow it – and to a point – or just rebuff them.

    Just what being social can really mean and in certain settings. I think that we’re all pretty vanilla… until we have reason to not be and I agree: The only thing that should be vanilla is ice cream and vanilla extract.

    Liked by 2 people

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