You might remember two recent posts about some questions posed by Duncan Lory at Your Sex Interview. For those who missed it you can read Part 1 here and part 2 here. I enjoy Duncan’s ramblings, his conversations with unusual women and his reminisces of past adventures. During the week he put up a post entitled “What Think I Know about Women” and challenged his readers to respond.
As with my responses to the Love and Loss questions I feel my responses may run over a couple of posts.
What Do you Know about the Clitoris?
Something that many people assume is that women know a lot about clitorises because they own one. I am here to tell you that is very inaccurate. I think that most women know where their clitoris is. Most women know how their clitoris works but I suspect that most women wouldn’t recognise their clitoris in a line up and they certainly don’t know how different every clitoris is.
It blows men’s minds when I tell them that, as a rule, I don’t let women near my clitoris. The reason for that is that women tend to go hammer and tongs and, unlike men, don’t take direction because they feel they know what they are doing. They may know what they are doing with their clitoris but that doesn’t mean they know what they are doing with my clitoris.
The anatomy of women’s genitals is very, very misunderstood by both men and women. Thanks to the enlightenment of feminists in the seventies we all know about the clitoris. Most of us can find it when we need to but do we know about all the other parts of our genitals. Women typically refer to their genitals as their vagina but the vagina is the passage from the uterus to the outside. When women talk about their vagina they really usually mean their vulva which includes the folds of skin and the clitoris.
When it comes to pleasuring a woman the whole vulva is sensitive and can be stimulated. Personally I prefer the outer labia to be simulated first. Sometimes I press these lips together, rubbing them back and forth over my clitoris. It is a special feeling, teasing with pressure but not direct stimulation. When I play with women I like to tease open her lips, watching them swell before opening them to reveal the special bud of the clitoris.
Duncan is correct. Clitorises come in many different shapes and sizes. Like penises they all have their own personality. They have their likes and dislikes. They all need to be treated differently but always with respect. It is always important to listen to their owner with your whole mind. Notice when she responds and when she pulls away. Women are complicated beings. They sometimes struggle to ask for what they want. Sometimes it is hard for us to explain. But if you are patient you will know.
What do you know about female orgasms?
I recently wrote an extensive post about my journey of discovery to my own orgasms. In a nutshell I haven’t always felt that orgasms were a big part of my sexual landscape and I felt a little broken by that.
Things have changed as I got older and more accepting of my body. I am grateful for that. Duncan commented that there are three types of orgasms as designed by scientists, clitoral, vaginal and g-spot. In some ways he may be right but as a woman I feel this is generalising.
Definitely the clitoris is a place where orgasms come from. And for most women it is the easiest and go-to place. But if you take the time there are so many other places. When Johnny is deep inside me he hits a spot. It causes a spasm and a jet of liquid. There are a few places like that inside me. JB made me climax from stimulating my cervix a couple of times. This orgasm was definitely different from a clitoral one. It was also different from the Johnny hitting the spot style. Are they both classified as vaginal? I don’t know.
My g-spot is located very close to the entrance of my vagina. A skilled tongue and a well placed finger and you are gonna get covered in ejaculate. Keep doing it and I am going to the place where I will climax from just watching you pleasure yourself. Interestingly I have experienced similar stimulation in that place from men with below average sized cocks. I guess there is some truth in the saying size doesn’t matter. Do I climax the same way every time my g-spot is stimulated? Mostly but once I am “switched on” there I can have similar orgasms from some very different and random stimulation, nipples, attention to my belly, sucking your cock etc. I guess we can out these ones in the g-spot box.
A friend once described orgasms from anal sex as whole body orgasms. Certainly I don’t climax from just having my butt penetrated. Usually there is some clitoral stimulation involved but the orgasms are different. They can be all consuming and rather than feeling like every muscle in your body is contracting they feel like a wave of heat passes through you. Sometimes when I am masturbating with my glass dildo I press against my anus through the wall of my vagina. It stimulates something in my anal area which is very very pleasurable. I think this is a whole different category.
Duncan comments that there are three parts to female orgasm, technique, anatomy and mindset. I agree with him on this one. You have to get all three right to get an orgasm. This means that for a women to climax she needs to be fully on board. She cannot blame her partner entirely for a less than satisfactory performance if she is thinking about what is for dinner while they are fucking.
Are there three categories? I don’t think so? Can all women have a variety of different orgasms? Absolutely. Will she have the spectrum of orgasms with one partner? Probably not. She may have a couple of different types but anatomy and personal preference will limit these. Will her life be complete if she DOESN’T get to experience the rainbow of orgasms? That is entirely up to her. I would say yes but maybe the ride won’t be as much fun as if she did.