What I Know About Women

You might remember two recent posts about some questions posed by Duncan Lory at Your Sex Interview. For those who missed it you can read Part 1 here and part 2 here. I enjoy Duncan’s ramblings, his conversations with unusual women and his reminisces of past adventures. During the week he put up a post entitled “What Think I Know about Women” and challenged his readers to respond.

As with my responses to the Love and Loss questions I feel my responses may run over a couple of posts.

 

What Do you Know about the Clitoris?

Something that many people assume is that women know a lot about clitorises because they own one. I am here to tell you that is very inaccurate. I think that most women know where their clitoris is. Most women know how their clitoris works but I suspect that most women wouldn’t recognise their clitoris in a line up and they certainly don’t know how different every clitoris is.

It blows men’s minds when I tell them that, as a rule, I don’t let women near my clitoris. The reason for that is that women tend to go hammer and tongs and, unlike men, don’t take direction because they feel they know what they are doing. They may know what they are doing with their clitoris but that doesn’t mean they know what they are doing with my clitoris.

The anatomy of women’s genitals is very, very misunderstood by both men and women. Thanks to the enlightenment of feminists in the seventies we all know about the clitoris. Most of us can find it when we need to but do we know about all the other parts of our genitals. Women typically refer to their genitals as their vagina but the vagina is the passage from the uterus to the outside. When women talk about their vagina they really usually mean their vulva which includes the folds of skin and the clitoris.

When it comes to pleasuring a woman the whole vulva is sensitive and can be stimulated. Personally I prefer the outer labia to be simulated first. Sometimes I press these lips together, rubbing them back and forth over my clitoris. It is a special feeling, teasing with pressure but not direct stimulation. When I play with women I like to tease open her lips, watching them swell before opening them to reveal the special bud of the clitoris.

Duncan is correct. Clitorises come in many different shapes and sizes. Like penises they all have their own personality. They have their likes and dislikes. They all need to be treated differently but always with respect. It is always important to listen to their owner with your whole mind. Notice when she responds and when she pulls away. Women are complicated beings. They sometimes struggle to ask for what they want. Sometimes it is hard for us to explain. But if you are patient you will know.

What do you know about female orgasms?

I recently wrote an extensive post about my journey of discovery to my own orgasms. In a nutshell I haven’t always felt that orgasms were a big part of my sexual landscape and I felt a little broken by that.

Things have changed as I got older and more accepting of my body. I am grateful for that. Duncan commented that there are three types of orgasms as designed by scientists, clitoral, vaginal and g-spot. In some ways he may be right but as a woman I feel this is generalising.

Definitely the clitoris is a place where orgasms come from. And for most women it is the easiest and go-to place. But if you take the time there are so many other places. When Johnny is deep inside me he hits a spot. It causes a spasm and a jet of liquid. There are a few places like that inside me. JB made me climax from stimulating my cervix a couple of times. This orgasm was definitely different from a clitoral one. It was also different from the Johnny hitting the spot style. Are they both classified as vaginal? I don’t know.

My g-spot is located very close to the entrance of my vagina. A skilled tongue and a well placed finger and you are gonna get covered in ejaculate. Keep doing it and I am going to the place where I will climax from just watching you pleasure yourself. Interestingly I have experienced similar stimulation in that place from men with below average sized cocks. I guess there is some truth in the saying size doesn’t matter. Do I climax the same way every time my g-spot is stimulated? Mostly but once I am “switched on” there I can have similar orgasms from some very different and random stimulation, nipples, attention to my belly, sucking your cock etc. I guess we can out these ones in the g-spot box.

A friend once described orgasms from anal sex as whole body orgasms. Certainly I don’t climax from just having my butt penetrated. Usually there is some clitoral stimulation involved but the orgasms are different. They can be all consuming and rather than feeling like every muscle in your body is contracting they feel like a wave of heat passes through you. Sometimes when I am masturbating with my glass dildo I press against my anus through the wall of my vagina. It stimulates something in my anal area which is very very pleasurable. I think this is a whole different category.

Duncan comments that there are three parts to female orgasm, technique, anatomy and mindset. I agree with him on this one. You have to get all three right to get an orgasm. This means that for a women to climax she needs to be fully on board. She cannot blame her partner entirely for a less than satisfactory performance if she is thinking about what is for dinner while they are fucking.

Are there three categories? I don’t think so? Can all women have a variety of different orgasms? Absolutely. Will she have the spectrum of orgasms with one partner? Probably not. She may have a couple of different types but anatomy and personal preference will limit these. Will her life be complete if she DOESN’T get to experience the rainbow of orgasms? That is entirely up to her. I would say yes but maybe the ride won’t be as much fun as if she did.

What do I Know About Women – Part 2

This series is based on a post at Your Sex Interview. I posted Part One here.

What do you know about timing?

Timing is everything. In Duncan’s post he speaks about women being attracted to different types of men at different times of her cycle. I am not sure about that but I know that at different times of her cycle she is unconsciously more attractive to men.

I know my interest in certain men and certain activities can be fleeting. I can be all horny and wanting a certain man to do certain things one day but if he does not talk advantage of the opportunity when it is on offer I can lose interest pretty quickly.

What do you know about three-ways?

A bunch!!!!!!!!

Apparently, they are more common in Australia. I am Australian, I see them happening a bit, but my perspective of non-monogamous sex is a little skewed because of my lifestyle.

My first threesome was a FFM. Back then I was more into girls than I am now. It was very surreal. Mr Jones and I were at a swingers club that we frequent and we met a woman. She told us about her day of treating herself to a massage, some beauty treatments and a nice meal. She was here for some sex, which we had, then she left. The threesome was very nice and she was very nice. Mr Jones still talks about it.

My first MMF involved a double vaginal penetration. There is a story about it on my old blog. It was a life changing moment and one that I haven’t really repeated, yet.

Since then we have threesomes with both men and women but mostly with women. Mostly because it is easier to find men. And because I like cock.

Do I have a preference? I would say I prefer MMF but writing this has made me wonder….

What do you know about women and cheating?

Women cheat. I don’t know if they cheat as often as men. It kind of depends on your definition of cheating. The standard definition of cheating is penis in vagina without the other partner(s) knowledge. But there are so many other things that don’t go quite that far. Is a head job cheating? Is kissing cheating? Is talking dirty via messenger app with someone you met on the internet cheating? Is flirting with the guy who comes in to your work regularly cheating?

I would answer yes to most of those questions, most of the time. My definition of cheating is anything you would not feel comfortable doing while your partner is in the room. So if you wouldn’t do those things in front of your partner you are cheating.

Mr Jones and I have very strict honesty and disclosure rules. They can be quite confronting sometimes but I believe firmly it is the only reason that we are where we are at in our relationship. Without it I would not have the freedom I enjoy and I would not be as happy as I am now.

It is a generalisation but I feel that sometimes women cheat for slightly different reasons than men. I think men mostly cheat because they don’t get sexual fulfillment in their relationships. Women cheat because they don’t feel validated in their relationships. Being with a man who tells them they are attractive and who pays attention to them is important and often a lack of that attention and validation is what drives a woman out of her relationship. Even if it is only to flirt with the delivery guy at work.

This post is part of this week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt #418 Truth . I am glad to get the chance to be part of this meme again after a couple of weeks of craziness and not being able to participate. Please make sure you check out the other excellent entries.

http://wickedwednesday.rebelsnotes.com/

The Holy Grail of Squirting

A few weeks ago after the Unexpected Ending there was some discussion about the amount of ejaculate I had sprayed everywhere during the session. According to Johnny it was “Ridiculous”. Without giving too much away, Johnny is experienced. Like myself his “number” is high but also like me he hasn’t really kept track of it so it is blurry with some standout performances and then some not so much. I am definitely taking it as a compliment when he says I am “Ridiculous” because I know it means he is impressed.

After surveying the damage and expressing how impressed he was Mr Jones did a little experiment. He weighed the bedding before he washed it and then after it was dry again. Not the most precise scientific procedure but he reported a 600g difference! Most articles I have read describe a smallish amount with one scientific article reporting between 0.3mL and >150mL. A far cry from my approximately 600mL. This was not counting the liquid that went all over Johnny, and what he drank.

I am a scientist. I teach high school students about examining scientific claims for validity and correct scientific approaches. The article mentioned did not scientifically determine the volumes it measured but gathered data through a questionnaire. To me asking someone to report on how much liquid they ejaculate without any standard method is highly questionable. So I don’t place much stock in this data.

Female ejaculation is a mystery. There is much debate about it’s source and composition. A second article I read examined the source of liquid and did some analysis. The results of this study are interesting. It found that the source of the liquid is the bladder. How it got to the bladder is unknown. The women studied began “stimulation” with an empty bladder but 25 minutes in just before they ejaculated an ultrasound confirmed that their bladder was indeed full. As an aside I really can’t imagine being at the point of ejaculating and then stopping for a doctor to take an ultrasound!!!!! The things we do for science.

My own experience confirms this. I make sure I pee before playing. In the space of a 30 – 90 minute session I estimate I can ejaculate between 600mL and a litre. For me the sensation before I am about the squirt is similar to needing to pee. In fact when I was developing this ridiculous ability one of the things I had to overcome was shyness about peeing in front of people. If I have sex and I don’t squirt much I often really need to pee afterwards and the amount I pee can be a lot.

The New Scientist article described the composition of ejaculate as chemically similar to very dilute urine but also including prostate specific antigen. Which is is produced the prostate gland in men and, they hypothesise, by the Skene glands in women.

skene glands

Again my own observations about this confirm. When I squirt it doesn’t smell like pee and Johnny and other partners report a taste they love. But if I don’t wash the sheets straight away and they fester / dry for a while they definitely smell like pee.

A small amount of Googling has revealed there are a lot of speculations out there and a lot of “How To” guides that promise amazing success. Deeper delving reveal a lot of scientific articles which I haven’t had time to read in depth at this point. Like most things sexual there is a lot of mystery out there and a huge amount of the usual prudishness. I am intrigued. I want to collect data and I want to share it with you all but I just don’t know how to go about it, yet. Ideas are fermenting (I have been educating on this topic this term!) but they are not complete yet. All I can say is watch this space.

 

 

Post Script to My Journey Through Orgasms

Earlier this week I posted a potted history of my relationship with the big O. It wasn’t always a positive one but I have found myself in a good place now. When I was reflecting on my story I realised I left out reasonable chunk. Reflecting on the prompt for this week’s Food 4 Thought I felt it was an opportunity to add a post script. 

Sometime around 2013 – 2014 I was diagnosed by my GP with depression. The diagnosis was a bit ad hoc and he readily prescribed a medication, Pristiq, a desvenlafixine. I trusted him, and like a good patient I went home and took my pills. I guess I was hoping that I would be able to treat this illness like others; take a medicine and be on my way.

pristiq

Before I go any further I want to say that I didn’t and still don’t consider myself to be seriously ill. My illness did not stop me from getting out of bed in the morning and, for the most part, it didn’t stop me from functioning like a regular human being. It did make life hard for the people close to me and I believe people who cared about me know when things are not going well for me. But I don’t consider myself to be seriously ill like some people with depression are. I am not trying to get in their bandwagon, so to speak.

So one of the side effects of Pristiq is a decrease in sexual function. It didn’t make me less interested in sex per se but it did make it difficult to climax. I would feel the pleasure of being stimulated in a slightly dulled way but to climax sometimes required a lot of concentration and sometimes the effort was more than I had in me. Looking back I realise it was probably one of the reasons I withdrew from the world of swinging, writing and blogging.  I told myself that it was because my career as a teacher seemed all consuming and pole dance was a better way to use my time but maybe it played a bigger role than I realised.

Early in 2019 during a consultation with my GP I mentioned that I would like to maybe consider an alternate medication that would perhaps deal with this problem. I don’t know why it took me so long. Or why I chose to get on the roundabout of changing medication then. I just did. I had just received the news that my hormones were consistent with being post-menopausal. Changing medications while dealing with that major life change was probably not the smartest thing to do. But I did it.

So I changed drugs to Valdoxan which works in a different way to Pristiq. Instead of messing with serotonin levels it helps re-align circadian rhythms. Doctors out there please don’t annihilate me. I have probably summarised this a little incorrectly. The process of changing drugs was hard. I don’t need to go in to that. Doing this at the same time I was processing the concept of my changed fertility status maybe wasn’t the best choice. For a few months I was all over the place. I cried at the drop of a hat, I really struggled to life some days.

My goal of increasing my sexual function was achieved. Sometimes I was able to climax after two strokes of a vibrator or a dildo. It was unheard of. On top of that I found that the grinding tiredness that had been a feature of my life for so long was lessened. There were many pluses.

In line with my changes I found myself getting back to being the Gemma of old. It has been reassuring and has made me feel kind of back to my old self. In my original post I explained oral sex was something I had a very on and off relationship with. Since the changes I have been fortunate to meet two men who have been connoisseurs of licking pussy. They have been more than happy to be covered in my juice. I have been more than happy to cover them.

I am very very glad that I had that conversation with my doctor. I am very very glad that I went through the grief of changing meds. I hope that one day I am able to be med free but for now I am content with my lot.

This post is part of Food 4 Thought Friday. Please click here to read the other entries for this week’s prompt Libido

My Journey Through Orgasms

I don’t remember how old I was when I started to masturbate. What I do remember is that my sexually repressive mother instilled in me an understanding that being sexual was not desirable and that talking about sex was forbidden. That included anything that led me to understand my own body. When I started menstruating at around 10 I didn’t actually know what was happening to me. But I digress. The purpose of this story is to record my journey through orgasms.

So somewhere, well before I started menstruating I learned to masturbate. Because of the environment I lived in I knew it was not spoken about and something I did it in private. Quietly. Secretly. For a long time I didn’t even really associate it with sexual pleasure. It was actually something I did to go to sleep at night.

As a teenager I lived in a boarding school. Being locked up with a bunch of teenage girls you would think would be very liberating sexually. In some ways it was. I was privy to conversations about sex with many different people from many different backgrounds. But in the end we were all teenagers, we didn’t actually know a lot of facts and we certainly didn’t have any adults around who were willing or able to help us.

So I graduated high school a classic Catholic school girl virgin. Horny, no real knowledge of how to interact with boys and no real understanding of sex. What I knew I had learned from magazines and science text books and whispered conversations that other more experienced girls had with their friends.

I lost my virginity to a man about five years my senior. These days he would be classified as a “toolie” because he hung around young school leavers but had actually left school several years earlier. He had a reasonably large dick which added ti his allure. It was a very unsatisfactory experience. He didn’t know I was a virgin, it was all over in a few minutes and I left feeling disappointed. Through him I met another man, again older but this relationship was much more educational from a sexual perspective.

I learned a little more about my own body during this relationship but the main takeaway was a discovery of, and pride in my ability to give head. I was a natural at this. I didn’t know this then but I know now my ability is mainly because I just love cocks. I love looking st them, I love the feel of them, I love exploring them with my mouth. I love the power of being able to make a man climax from my mouth, and yes. I swallow.

After this relationship and probably for the next ten or so years my sexual experiences were very one sided. My clitoris is sensitive. Most of the men I encountered had no fucking idea what to do with a vagina other than to stick their dick in it, so the vast majority of my orgasms came from my own hand. I liked penetrative sex but I didn’t climax from it, unless I fingered myself at the same time. I figured that was how sex was and for the most part I settled for that.

When we started swinging I came across a lot of people who wanted to lick me. I had no idea how to tell them what to do. I didn’t have the confidence to explore this with them I just knew it wasn’t good for me so I dealt with it the way I deal with a lot of stuff; I made it about them. I gave them good head, the men and the women. I fucked a lot and enjoyed myself immensely but usually I went home and had sex with Mr Jones so I could climax properly before I went to sleep. It was kind of a ritual between Mr Jones and I. Reclaiming the territory.

Somewhere along the journey I learned about squirting. I became aware of the spot at the entrance to my vagina that has been the source of immense pleasure ever since. I learned to relax, (insert Frankie Goes to Hollywood lyrics here). And the sweet juice flowed. At first it wasn’t much but over the years it has increased,

At this time I was still extremely cautious about mouths near my pussy. Women were almost never allowed (in my experience they are crap at licking pussy but that is another topic for another time). Select men were allowed for short bursts. Squirting was usually triggered when a guy slipped, or was pushed, out of me during sex. Or, and this is my personal favourite to this day, he pulled out and gently tapped my clit in the throes. OH MY GOD!!!! You want a sprinkler to erupt on your bed? Do that to me.

Then I met Pet. He was a dirty, dirty man and he loved me to squirt on his face. And I did, as often as I could. I feel sorry for the staff at the hotel we frequented. I missed that man when life happened and we parted company he opened my eyes to many things. One of which was the sheer pleasure of lying back and letting someone use their mouth on your lady bits.

Since then I have met a couple of men who genuinely love a woman sitting on their face and almost drowning them. There are a lot of men who SAY they like this but really there are few who actually do. Once they are horny it is about getting their dick wet.

When I climax that way it is frequent and if I get worked up enough it is uncontrollable. I literally cannot stop and have been known to climax from watching a man wank, from feeling his pleasure when I am sucking his cock and from having my nipples stimulated. But I need to be aroused enough first. I need the first teasing and licking I need to be built up and I need a connection with my partner.

It is hard for men to understand but all of that can go for hours and I can spasm countless times and ejaculate significant amounts of liquid. I believe it could be measured in litres but the science to back this up is pending. And yet I still need a large gut wrenching clitoral climax to be finished. If I don’t get that I will be a bit jittery and unsettled.

Something I did realise after a recent session with Johnny is that if the massive clitoral orgasm does happen during play I am very much like a man. I then want to cuddle, have a chat and go to sleep. If you do that to me you have three choices: 1. Cuddle, chat and go to sleep too, 2, cuddle, chat and then start again, from the beginning, 3. Immediately keep things happening and I will be good for a while but it will get a bit old in the not too distant future. Actually, if you pick option 2 you are also likely to get a short lived response as well.

The moral of the story; as tempting as it is to see me climax that way because it is fun to see a woman enjoy herself it is not a good idea to let it happen until you are ready for the closing credits yourself. Because after that my ultimate goal is to finish up and get some sleep.

I once had a friend who would describe her orgasms as many and varied. At the time I was still at the fingering while being penetrated stage of my journey. I was envious of her. I thought I would never be able to have that. Now I am a bit like her. It turns out that the secret to many varied and amazing orgasms is not the hand you are dealt. It is relaxing, and trying a whole bunch of different stuff.

TMI Tuesday – Misbehaving

Time for another round of TMI Tuesday

1. How replaceable are you?

An interesting question. My children are almost adults now so they are able to organise basic, everyday stuff like feeding themselves and getting themselves out of bed and to work in the morning. So as a day to day carer of my children I am essential obsolete.

As a teacher of course there are a million other teachers out there so not that difficult to replace. Perhaps one who is passionate about making Maths accessible to students who many have given up on is not as easy.

As a wife of course absolutely irreplaceable. No one else would be able to put up with Mr Jones.

2. Does jealously have value in driving humans to improve themselves or is it a purely negative emotion?

Jealousy is a very misunderstood emotion. Definitely negative definitely destructive but perhaps the most destructive thing about it is the fact that most people don’t realise it stems from fear. In a relationship jealousy is mostly about being afraid that you will lose your partner. Of course this is usually an irrational fear but so is being afraid of spiders!

3. A section of your life’s memories needs to be erased, which era will you elect to have erased?
a. childhood memories – age 3 to 12
b. teen and young adult years – age 13 to 23
c. adult – age 24 to 35

Being a teenager and a young adult really sucked for me. I met Mr Jones at age 25 so I definitely don’t want to erase that. He opened my mind and heart to a lot of stuff, including the world of non-monogamy.

Childhood was very different from most childhoods. I lived on a cattle property and I was homeschooled. My days were filled with a small amount of school, horses and a lot of freedom. Both physical and mental.

Maybe that is why I struggled so much as a teenager.

4. With no laws or rules to influence your behavior, how do you think you would behave?

Honestly I am not sure I would cope with no rules. I get really annoyed when I see students flaunting not wearing the right uniform. Which I kind of says a lot about my love of law and order.

Seriously though I am not sure, I would be glad to not have to obey stupid rules like having to wear business clothing to work and having to pretend that monogamy is the way I live. But being nice to people and living in an ordered polite society is something I couldn’t live without.

5. Does anonymity encourage people to misbehave or does it reveal how people would choose to act all the time if they could?

I think the latter. Hiding behind a screen gives people a feeling of being invincible. It allows the worst out in them because there is no obvious consequence for their actions.

Bonus: In the time of coronavirus pandemic, what are you rocking–homemade face covering or manufactured mask?

So at this point there is officially no community transmission of Covid-19 in my state. The only cases of Covid-19 that have been detected are from people returning from overseas.

Because of, or perhaps despite what is happening in the rest of the world wearing of masks is not common in Australia. Offical government advice states that wearing of masks is only necessary to prevent an infected person from spreading the virus. Given that and social distancing we don’t appear to have a need for masks.

So no mask for me.

Bonus Bonus: My post for Food 4 Thought last week featured a photo captured by a play friend. Here is another image taken during the same session

As usual please make sure to check out the other TMI entries. Because they are awesome!

Why Oh Why – Seven Questions About Love and Loss

These questions were posed by Duncan Lory at “Your Sex Interview I am hoping that he doesn’t mind that I lifted them so that I could share some deep insights with you. Or at least some rambling stuff.

1. Why do the ones we desire the most — always have the most desire for someone else?

The obvious answer to this one is because we always want what we can’t have. I guess this is a basic feature of human nature. When we go out for dinner, the meal ordered by someone else always looks better than ours, the dress that our friend buys looks better than the one we got, even when ours was the last one on the rack and it was 60% off.

In my experience the people we desire and pursue the most are not always the ones we should be pursuing. We always seem to crave what is unhealthy. So perhaps making sure what we are pursuing is not available is the universe protecting us from ourselves.

2. Why are those who need the most improvement — always the ones who are the most critical?

My husband used to have a friend who had a very low self esteem. In a side note it turned out that he also had a bit of a thing for young boys and ended up in jail. Hence the ex-friend status.

However, whenever you played a game with this person he HAD to win by crushing his opponent. It was not enough for him to win by a small margin. It had to be significant. Clearly this person needed improvement. Not just in his sexual preferences. There were a lot of aspects of his life that were not up to scratch. I guess his opinion of himself was so low that he simply couldn’t see himself winning at anything purely from his own ability. The only way he was able to make himself feel good was to make someone else feel bad.

Fast forward to now. My own battles with the black dog have shown me that when I am down and struggling I lash out and hurt the people around me. It seems to be human nature to hurt others when we are in pain ourselves. It is easier to hurt or be critical of someone than it is to deal with our garbage and pull ourselves upward.

3. Why aren’t the ones we are the most attracted to — required by law, to sleep with us?

Recently I had a conversation with a guy on the dating app that I use that kind of answers this question. His profile was a bit bland but one of his photos kind of intrigued me so I responded to his initial message. The second message and a re-read of his profile made me decide that I wasn’t interested. So I messaged back saying I wasn’t really seeing new people right now. the conversation went like this;

“Sorry for taking up your time but I am not really seeing new people right now.” Me

“You looked at my profile and then you wrote that why don’t you just be honest.” Him

Ok if you want to play it that way. Your pics are not that great and I don’t find them that sexy. Your profile is bland and it doesn’t have anything in it that interests me.”

“This is a sex site not a dating app”

It was hard for me to walk away from the last comment without unleashing a diatribe about having the right to choose who I fuck on my terms and just because he has a penis does not mean he has the right to fuck whoever he chooses. You get the picture.

Many people when seeking out sex don’t stop to consider the other person. It happens all the time in the swing scene. A couple attend an event or a club with a list of fantasies or wishes and when the object of their desire does not respond and act the way they fantasised they get all uppity and cranky about it.

Sex is a two way thing. There has to be attraction from both parties. If you are fucking someone who doesn’t want you, that is rape, or at very very best non consensual.

So there are actually three more questions in this series. Stay tuned.