Setting Standards

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

In a recent TMI post I alluded to a fall out with a long term friend. Without going into to much detail this was probably one of the deepest friendships I had experienced in my life. As a result of  the combination of the isolated location of my childhood home and my parent’s self absorption I grew up without learning exactly how to make a friend. I have never had a BFF or ever really a lot of friends. It is something that has always bothered me. I am very self conscious of not being cool or even feeling like people would actually like to be friends with me. So when a person comes along that does get past all of the layers and seems to get me it is a rare experience. 

Over the years this friendship probably showed a lot of signs of not being all that healthy. Certainly my “friend” had her own childhood traumas which had left scars. But I chose to accept them and make allowances. Over the last few years we “drifted apart”. At least that is how she explained it. I more saw it as her finding other people who were more interesting to hang out with but po-ta-to / po-tah-to. 

Then, as the universe tends to, we seemed to be pushed back together again. She started making overtures and I accepted them, cautiously. She insisted on telling everyone who would listen about our long term friendship and trying to make it up to me by telling other people how cool she thought I was. It felt a bit weird, if I am being honest, and I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. 

It seemed like things were getting back to the way they used to be. But as our good friend Pandora knows, once the box is open you can’t close it again. I had lived my life and grown as a person. Likewise her life had gone on and she had changed slightly as well. The fit was never going to be the same. 

While dealing with her traumas and life struggles she had said and done some things that caused some mutual friends to be, at best, wary of her. Some people she had downright ostracised. This caused issues. I had to negotiate social situations where I was basically forced to choose between groups of friends. It was frustrating. I wanted to be loyal to this person who had been in my life for so long but I also needed to take care of myself. I had grown and that meant I had a better sense of my value. I knew that I deserved to be treated better. A friend who treats you as something that can be picked up and dropped at their convenience is not really a friend. 

I wasn’t sure how to deal with her. I had started to realise that just letting her drift in and out was not really going to work this time. I deserved better but the part of me that avoids confrontation mad me avoid addressing the issue. Until I found myself right up against it. I had seen some things that told me she was very unwell. She needed more than a good friend, she needed to see a professional. Somehow I found the courage to tell her my thoughts.

Her reaction was not entirely unexpected. I guess I should have realised that such a self centred person would not have considered that their actions and attitudes contributed to their life catastrophes. In her mind self help memes and feel good Facebook pages were all the counselling she needed.

She made the end of our friendship official on Facebook.

Because of our history I was surprised at how all of this affected me. I was forced to say out loud some things that had bothered me. To name some of her behaviour as abusive. Even now it seems weird to say it. She emotionally abused her husband and her children. She made them feel afraid to express themselves in their own house. She made them feel as if their ideas and needs were less than hers. I wondered if I had failed them by glossing over this stuff. As I looked around with more open eyes I saw how my opinion of people had been coloured by hers. How I had dismissed people because of her say so and “facts” she had provided. I felt duped and I questioned my integrity. 

On a deeper level I mourned the loss of that friendship. At one time it had been a healthy one. Even if it hadn’t been for several years. It was once and I had lived in hope that it would be again sometime. This is where the self love comes in. Loving yourself sometimes requires you to push people away when you can see that they are harming you. Even when they are people you once loved. Even when you feel as if you don’t have a lot of friends. Self love is about making conscious choices to be your authentic self and not someone else’s play thing. In the long run you will become stronger and more self sufficient and you will attract the same type of people. Suddenly you will also have friends who will treat you like someone worth something.

This post is part of Wicked Wednesday’s final Bingo prompt. The square I have chosen for this post is “Self Love”

Wicked Wednesday

TMI Tuesday – Smartphone Addiction

1. Does your smartphone have a grip on you? In one hour, how often do you check your phone?
a. I am glued to my phone. I check it every 1-2 minutes; it is satisfying.
b. I check it 1-2 times per hour.
c. I check my phone only when I get notifications, and I don’t get many.
d. I check at lunch time and at the end of the day mostly, unless I get a notification.

It is really a combination of b. and d. I don’t take my phone to class and so am not constantly checking it but I do check it more frequently when I am at my desk.

2. Israeli spyware Pegasus* marketed and sold to other governments is used to spy on activists, journalists, and political leaders. Do you believe hackers are monitoring your smartphone?

There have been too many times that I have been talking about something and then suddenly Facebook is showing me ads about that thing for me to NOT believe it. Do I sound like a conspiracy theorist? Probably, but there it is.

3. When in flight, on an airplane, do you put your phone in flight mode?

Yes. There isn’t a message on the planet that can’t wait until the plane lands. Plus it preserves the battery.

4. What is the lock on your smartphone?
a. facial recognition
b. fingerprint
c. numerical code
d. pattern
e. I don’t lock my phone

Facial recognition has changed my life!!

5. Do mobile phones interfere with your relationship(s)? How?

I think one of the saddest things is seeing a couple out at dinner both sitting on their phones and not really being in the moment with each other. That has GOT to have an impact. For me if I am trying to give a “go away” vibe to Mr Jones I will have my phone in my hand. If I am having a proper conversation with him I will put away my screen so that I can focus on him.

Bonus: In line with the theme I am sharing the last three images on my phone.

Power Trip

Photo by Chris Montgomery on Unsplash

I usually keep my “Gemma life” very separate from “Mrs Jones” life. But a situation happened at work recently that prompted this story.

“Hey guys, nice to see you.” The Academic Leader, Simon,  greeted the mug shots as they popped on to the screen. 

“Hey there,” John settled into his chair. After two years zoom meetings still seemed weird to him. Beside him his colleague donned his headphones and logged in to the same meeting. Unlike John Travis was what they call a digital native. He was at ease with this kind of meeting. Even being cheeky enough to work on other tasks during the meeting. 

“They can’t see me doing that stuff,” he explained to John. “The camera sees me at my desk. I can hear what is being said. No loss to anyone and the whole meeting isn’t a complete waste of time.” 

John could never bring himself to do that. Listening to a conversation and concentrating on work was too much for him. So he sat through the stupid meeting and dreamed about retiring. 

“Helllooo everyone, sorry for being a bit late,” The broad tones of a Scottish lass pricked John’s ears. John twitched in his seat as the sound of her voice triggered the same tingle in his lower regions. 

“No worries Rowan.” Simon reassured her before he began his usual spiel. John looked over at Travis typing furiously, responding to emails and constructing worksheets for upcoming lessons. John found Travis’ energy tiring most days. He longed for a quiet life. One where he could go about his life with minimal disruption and be safe in the knowledge that if anything didn’t work in his classroom it was most definitely not anything to do with his teaching but rather his students’ shortcomings. 

The meeting droned on. John stifled a yawn. He really didn’t need to hear most of this stuff. Anything really important would be relayed by Travis. Then without warning there was a change in the tone of the meeting.

“In my experience,” Rowan’s voice remained calm despite the intensity John could feel, “this kind of practise never works for young people. We should be thinking a little bit more outside the box,” 

The familiar tingle increased as John looked at Rowan’s face on the screen. It was so hard to read expressions in the little mug shots but it didn’t matter her voice was what he was responding to. There was a break in the sound of her accent as Simon tried to placate her. But she wasn’t having it. 

“I disagree,” Was that a slight increase in volume? John listened intently to the tones of her voice feeling his own body echoing in response.

 “I know other schools are taking a very different approach and it really works.” John could feel the unfamiliar stirring of his cock. He hoped the meeting would end soon he didn’t know if he could contain his reaction.

Simon managed to shut the debate down even though John knew, and he allowed himself a wry smile at the thought, that the discussion was far from over. This woman wasn’t a pushover. The whoosh sound of everyone logging off from the meeting rang in John’s ears as he removed his headphones. Most of his colleagues had left for the day and he stood beside his desk looking around the empty office. The memory of Rowan’s voice was still strong and he felt a tightening in his pants. 

Quickly he picked up his car keys and exited the office. As he walked his erection grew. He felt as if he could hear her walking behind him. The feeling increased his arousal. Once inside his car he sat breathing heavily. Before he even realised he was fumbling with his zipper, desperate to free his dick. His hand wrapped around his shaft and began an unfamiliar shuffle. His old wrists complained but he couldn’t stop. His dick was harder than he could remember it being for a long time. He imagined her face looking at him as he stroked, demanding him to continue.

He felt the unfamiliar pressure building. The feeling of a dam about to burst. It had been so long but he couldn’t stop now, even if he wanted to. His breath was hot and hard and his hips bucked against the car seat. Heat surged through him and a dribble of cum covered his hand. Even his ejaculation was out of practise. He sagged back against the car seat breathing heavily. His dick receding back into its usual shell. 

After a few moments his mind cleared and he looked down at the white liquid splashed over his wrist. A string of fluid bridged the tip of his cock with the fingers that had just been stroking it. He looked around the empty carpark. He couldn’t believe what he had just done. Wanking in the seat of his car like a dirty old man. He used the rag he kept behind the driver’s seat to wipe his hand clean all the time wondering what his wife would say if she knew. Worse what would Rowan say? 

He squirmed imagining her displeasure. Then his heart sank as he remembered. It would be two weeks until he heard her voice again.  

mmmMondays

TMI Tuesday – Online Dating Edition

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

1. What is your go to question to ask in online dating?

What are you looking for? Boring I know but straight to the point and helps me to sort out the tyre kickers and people who will likely never go anywhere.

2. How old is the pic you use for your online dating profile?

About six months. I try to keep up to date photos in my profile. Just to manage expectations although honestly some men don’t care as long as you have a vagina.

3. What is your biggest dating pet peeve?

In the meeting in the app phase;

Initial messages that are like “hi” or “Hey”. Really! If that is all you have to say then just keep walking

When meeting:

Changing the time at the last minute because “something came up” or not showing up. You will only get ONE chance to rectify that shit.

4. What are your goals with online dating?

I am looking for a regular play friend. Someone that can hold a conversation and is looking for a physical only relationship.

5. Have you ever slid into a stranger’s DMs? Did they respond?

Not really. I don’t like it when people do it to me so I avoid the behaviour myself.

Bonus: Do you think a couple’s finances should be together or separate?

Everyone has to manage their own relationship in a way that suits them. For us our finances are so intertwined that it will take a lawyer to sort them out if one of us dies!!

Sunset Reflection

Like all women who date in the twenty-first century I have been sent my share of dick pics. A very small proportion of them actually make the appendage look good. Some would argue that no dick is attractive. But I have always been a firm believer that it is all about the angle and the lighting. With this shot taken during our voyage last year I think I nailed it.

Sinful Sunday

The Word for Today – Hoodie

Mr Jones loves hoodies. I have a collection of them as a result. What it is exactly that he likes is kind of hard to figure. He likes the zipper at the front and they way they sit. He likes the hood to be up. I struggled for a long time to come to terms with this. Long hair and hoodies don’t always equal comfort.

The other thing he likes is fabrics that seem snuggly. As I struggle with winter weather – yes I know the rest of the world is experiencing heatwaves but here in Queensland we are COLD. I have somehow found myself embracing hood up hoodies. Something about creating warmth on the back of my neck. I really don’t know.

What I do know is that I am more than ready to experience some classic, warm, sunny, Queensland weather.

TMI Tuesday – I Tripped!

Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash

1. Would you rather be attracted to for your body or your mind?

Hmmm tricky one. As women we are strongly conditioned to be ornamental and so feeling beautiful is important. So often my attention is attracted by someone commenting on my boobs or bum or general physical appearance.

That said if that is a s far as the conversation goes or if it keeps focussing on that I will get bored and move on quickly.

2. What would be more embarrassing for you out in public–to be seen tripping or adjusting your “package”?

I fall over in public from time to time. The most recent was a stack in a busy pub last weekend. Not because I am clumsy but because there was something spilled on the polished concrete floor! So tripping is not that embarrassing because I am used to it.

I don’t have a package to adjust. But if I did then I think this would be a more awkward option.

3. If you are going to be famous what is it for?

I already am famous for having awesome boobs!!!

4. Would you rather urinate in port-a-potty or nearest bush?

Definitely a bush. Port – a – potties are for emergencies only.

5. What new beginning are you excited about?

I don’t have any specific new beginnings happening right now but I have recently had a shift in my friendship circle. A long term friend has decided she didn’t really need me in her life. Up until this point I was remaining loyal to her even though it was causing me to become isolated from other people who I had a lot of time for. Now that she is gone it is like I have lost a lot of dead wood. Maybe it is for the best.

Bonus: Burrito or Tamale

Mexican is not a really common street / takeaway food in Australia so Tamale isn’t something I have come across. I do like a burrito on occasion though.

The Word for Today – Neon

The Unicorn and I are involved in this project together. Or rather she is trying to start a business and I somehow got tangled up in it. We have sewn together for a long time. She studied fashion at school. I just like sewing and have largely taught myself what I know. Now she is trying to start a label that encompasses active wear and alternative underwear. And here I am designing and making boxers and underwear for men that is not really meant to be hidden under pants. Our latest idea is neon boxers that glow under UV light.

Interestingly a group of my friends are planning to travel to the US later this year to be part of a Lifestyle Cruise. One of the themes for the evening is a “Glow Party”. Several of them are interested. My mind fills with thoughts of naked people dancing in a night club covered in bright glowing colours of mesh. As the night progresses the bodies become closer together or small groups of them break off from dancing and find an alcove to explore more. As things get more heated their glowing clothing is discarded and they climb naked into an oversized bed. Their luminescent clothing scattered about on the floor as their bodies grind together in time with the music.

mmmMondays

Booty Worship

Arses, asses, bums, backsides, bottoms. I love a nice bum. I love to enjoy them in so many ways. I love to look at them. When they are dressed in a pair of pants that fit just right. Jeans that hug your curves are perfect. Dress pants that seem to give you depth. Sometimes those dresses that cling and show how your buns seem to push and pull with each other when you walk. All of that. And yes a nice bum is a nice bum. 

One of the things that keeps me at pole fit is looking at bums. Booty shorts on perky bums, on big round bums, on little cute bums. I love the way some booty shorts ride up and you get that curve that peeks out underneath. One girl at the moment wears actual g strings to class. Her ass is delicious. I want to worship it in every way. Including a bare handed spanking. The kind that makes your hand sting as much as their bum. 

When I see a naked bum like that my hand itches to touch it. I want to feel the curve in my palm. I want to give it a gentle squeeze while I press my body against it. The Second Mate had a great bum. It was big and round and I loved to grab it as I walked past. The Traveller also has a substantial arse. I loved to watch the way it moved as he walked and carried out tasks while we were sailing. Mr Jones’ arse is different but delicious in it’s own way. I love to look at his while he is sleeping. Sometimes the position he lies in seems so provocative. 

When I am fucking I love to reach around and cup a man’s arse. To feel the strength of the muscle as it pushes his cock into me. If there is an appropriately positioned mirror then all the better. I think that is one of the things I enjoy about The Traveller. Looking at that arse and knowing what it has been up to. Such a naughty delicious pleasure. 

This post is also linked to Wicked Wednesday final bingo prompt. Click the icon below to see how everyone is doing with their bingo cards.

Sinful Sunday
Wicked Wednesday

TMI Tuesday – Grudges and Misdirected Mail

Photo by Jiawei Zhao on Unsplash

1. Confession booth. Confess two things right here on TMI Tuesday.

I love perving at dad bods. My twitter timeline is full of them. Current favourites @midwestdadbod, @preacherbear, @filoufilou

2. I am guilty of _____ .

Eating too much chocolate.

3. A big box is delivered to you. The address is correct but the name on the label is not you. Do you open the box?

Kind of tempting but I will admit I am too much of a goody two shoes to open it. I would probably try and return it to the sender.

4. How long have you held a grudge?

Until I don’t. Sometimes that can be a few hours, sometimes a lifetime. I recently had my first experience of having to block an ex-friend on social media. It didn’t sit well with me and while I would like to think I won’t be seeing her in my life again there is part of me that is not entirely convinced.

5. Does anyone have a grudge against you? Why?

See above! What the grudge exactly is for I am not entirely sure. A collection of things I think related to her twisted perception of the world.

Bonus: There is this one thing in my life I wish I had not done. I wish I had not _____ .

Let my mother take over my wedding. I was young, she had controlled my life mostly up to that point. I let her dictate most of the aspects of it and I regret it completely. So much so that I considered having a “do-over” on my 25th anniversary.

Bonus Bonus

After so much serious stuff there has to be boobs!

o