I Bruised my Vagina
The typical idea that people have when I tell them I do pole dancing is strip club sexy perfection. Something like this;
The reality is something quite different. Classes are hard, sweaty and full of statements like, “fuck that hurt” and “yep
H you got it……. oh not quite”. Naturally, or maybe not. Most of the people in my classes are fairly open minded. I guess that is going to happen in a class called ‘Sexy and Static’. So the learning how to be sexy on a static pole is not really sexy, it is hard ad sweaty and involves putting you body in positions that are unfamiliar and often awkward. Of course there is a lot of bare skin contact with hard metal. The outcome is often bruising. Tonight’s bruise was the result of a double activity which is fun, and of course looks cool. However like everything there is a lot of practise between trying for the first time and the cool. In the meantime I need to go through pain and bruises like this one;
Perspective
The Colombian is very keen on having ‘adventures’ as he puts it. Most of what he intends is having sex in risky public places like parks, shopping centre change rooms, beaches etc. On the day we first met we found ourselves inside the fire escape stairs of a shopping centre. I was looking for a way to find my car but he was very keen to engage in other activities. To his disappointment I wasn’t up for that kind of thing. Which, upon reflection, is very unlike Gemma.
Since then we have visited a department store change room, and kind of gotten busted by the shop assistant. So I guess there are flashes of Gemma. A couple of weeks ago I was watching rubbish television with my family and we watched this ‘caught on camera’ kind of show featuring the things people do in a multi-story car park. Of course there wS a lot of version of people damaging boom gates in an attempt to avoid paying but also there were a quite a few snippets of people getting sexy in semi secluded corners of the building.
This particular show also featured a dramatisation of the control room where the cameras in the building are monitored showing the reactions of the people watching the action. Of course these people are tasked with making sure equipment such as boom gates and automatic payment machines are not damaged but they also monitor the behaviour of clientele and call the police if things get out of hand. The reactions portrayed to people having sex in stairs and corners were not positive. Instead of “how sexy” and “how daring” their standard response was more ” how gross” and “get a room!”
I felt a bit deflated watching it. I thought back to the recent change room shenanigans and I realised how pissed the sales assistant probably was and how disgusted she was. I felt a little ashamed. Which is stupid. We weren’t hurting anyone and we didn’t leave a mess for her to clean up so what is it to her? The same as the car park viewers. What is the problem? Who is the worst here? The people enjoying themselves and living in the moment or the people sitting around criticising as they watch camera footage?
It is an interesting paradigm. Like the picture above the reality depends on your viewpoint I guess, and the way you have been conditioned to think by the people around you. I think for all the value that Westerners put on being sexy, and the way we pride ourselves on being open minded we definitely have some very prudish ideas about sex.
The question remains; will I have stairwell sex with the Columbian if the opportunity arises? The answer is I honestly don’t know. I think I will definitely have to do a check for cameras first.
Life Musings
This post is based on the TMI Tuesday questions from March 20. Like a lot of their posts the questions raise some interesting thoughts.
1. Who was the first person you ever had a crush on?
Sadly my age means that this happened a very long time ago. In terms of celebrity crushes I think my first one was “The Hoff” wayyyy back when he was in Knightrider. In fact wayyyyy before he was “The Hoff”. To be perfectly honest the car was probably just as sexy as he was.
As for real life people there was this boy who I was deeply, madly in love with for all of year 11 and 12. Like most of those crushes he was blissfully unaware of my infatuation and proceeded to have a long term relationship with someone else for all of those years. My friends could not understand my infatuation with him. He wasn’t one of the boys that was regarded as particularly good looking. I just found something about him attractive.
2. What is the most important material possession you have and why?
For me material possessions are weird. I have as many as the next person. In true middle class white person style I probably have more than most people in the world. I don’t necessarily want to be without any but I can’t think of one that is particularly important.
3. If you were a cake which cake would you be?
Chocolate cake of course! Not one of those insipid sponge types but something like a Sacher torte that is rich and complex and decadent. Something you know you shouldn’t eat but you really can’t stop yourself. Because of course eating me is an experience. On a side note one of The Colombian’s most endearing qualities is his desire and talent for eating me. I used to be a bit meh about guys eating me out but after a couple of experiences recently I am starting to see how some women see it as an indispensable talent.
4 Has anything/ anyone ever saved your life before?
Not really. I guess I have not really done a lot that has been life risking. Or maybe my guardian angel saves my life every day and I just don’t notice.
5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
The ability to eat and drink what ever and whenever I want with no effect on my weight! Imagine being able to eat endless amounts of chocolate and cake without worrying about calories! Life would be perfect.
Bonus: What are your plans for the holidays?
Well I am so glad you asked! Firstly I am going to sleep when I want and not have to get up and go to work for two weeks. Secondly for the official Easter break I plan to eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want. My third plan is to find some more secluded, less visited parks and spend some time enjoying the company of the Columbian. He has a thing for outdoor adventures. I just have a thing for adventures. So I am hoping I will keep you posted.
It’s Been a While
Somewhere back in January I remember thinking I was going to become blogger of the year in 2018. I was going to post regularly people would think I am hilarious and I would become famous all over the internet……
Oh no wait, that was my cat. Of course because the only that people want to look at is memes and pictures of animals.
So here I am on the verge of Easter holidays. Deep in the throes of marking assignments and exams hoping beyond hope that all my students are geniuses and that I can give them all As. (It isn’t until term 4 and I am looking down the barrel of Christmas holidays that I will have truly gotten to know them and be more realistic about the effort they are putting in and the consequent grade.
Life has been relatively boring. My sex life even more so. My world seems populated by men who are more than happy to have sex with me as much as I want as long as there is minimal effort on their part. I. Just. Want. To be. Seduced. Dare I say it; Christian Grey style. Although I would like to think I would be less insipid than Anastasia. I am also more than happy for him not to be quite so brooding or even that wealthy.
On the plus side I am seeing a Colombian. He is enthusiastic I will give him that. And he gives amazing head. I wish his English was better, or my Spanish. Either or. Maybe I should treat myself to a visit.
When I Say No….
As a teacher and as a parent I have learned a few things about saying no. The first one is that when you say no you have to mean it. Saying “no” and then changing your mind when everyone protests just sends the message that no doesn’t mean no it means “try a little harder to convince me”.
The second thing I have learned about saying no is that you have to be prepared to back it up with a reason. Having a sound reason usually reduces the amount a student/ child will try to convince you that you really meant yes. Finally, in my experience, the people who try the hardest to change your mind are the ones who have learned from experience with other people that you can change someone’s mind. These students/ children are usually proficient at techniques that trigger an emotional response such as pouting, eye rolling, and making statements like “I was just trying to….”. These students are the hardest to deal with but getting them to see things your way is not impossible.
I posted recently about s conversation I had with a man I have enjoyed as a lover and his inability to u derstand and respect “no”. In my post I outlined my dealings with my ex lover and my very clear no. That, I thought, was that. How wrong I was. I received a couple of messages during the week about “accidental” messages automatically sent from social media apps like Snapchat and then whammo we are talking again. Well he is talking and asking me to video chat with him (he has been working in an extremely remote location over the Christmas Break). Of course I replied no. As I put my phone down I said to it “I am not going to fuck you.”
Of course he didn’t hear that, not that it would make any difference. The problem is even as I was saying the words a small part of me was protesting. He is attractive. He does have sex appeal and there were aspects of fucking him that I enjoyed. A tiny part of me almost believes that idea that it will be different if I give him another chance. Of course the rational part of me has to step in and firmly remind the positive, fantasy me of the frustration and dissapointment that is the most likely outcome if I give in.
Sometimes being the most responsible adult in the room is hard.
TMI Tuesday -Boxing Day Edition
Boxing Day is a public holiday that seems to be unique to Britain, Australia and possibly other parts of the British Commonwealth. The origins of the holiday are a little unclear but The Spruce gives some feasible explanations. In modern times it seems that Australians, and possibly Brits are really just celebrating their love of a public holiday. In Australia Boxing Day is marked by two great sporting traditions; The commencement of the Boxing Day test cricket match held at the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) and the commencement of the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race in Sydney Harbour. Both contests are marathon tests of skill and stamina with the Sydney to Hobart being responsible for the loss of more than one life even in recent times. For us mere mortals it is a time to recover from over indulging on Christmas Day or perhaps just a way to extend to celebrations for a little longer. Most people would agree that Boxing Day is much more relaxed and if we do attend a gathering it will most likely be with people we actually like instead of fulfilling family requirements and satisfying obligations.
Of course there is always time to enjoy some TMI goodness.
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yes. In the whole go to church, get together with the family and eat too much way. I am a practising Catholic so in some ways I take Christmas a little bit seriously. I know December 25 is not the day of Christ’s birth and I know that many of the Christmas traditions we observe are derived from Paganism but the essence of the day, the birth of a child that will change the world deserves some attention. If you are not a Christian then the idea of putting aside differences and taking time to be with people, somehow, also deserves some attention.
2. Tell us about your Christmas celebration.
In our family there is no specified format for Christmas. This year we, Mr Jones, Myself and our children have traveled to spend a few days with my parents at the Cattle Property in Central Queensland. We started the day with ham and pre birds for breakfast followed by unwrapping of presents. Followed by cold lunch on the verandah with my brother and his wife. The maximum temperature for the day was 37 degrees so the only thing I could have added was a swimming pool.
3. What season is it where you live?
It is most definitely summer with a vengeance. As I said in the previous response the maximum temperature yesterday was 37 degrees. In the morning I spoke with my brother who lives in southern New South Wales and they were experiencing a very chilly morning that required a jumper. My sister in law was adamant that this is not how Christmas should feel. I was reminded of this song.
4. It’s the end of the year, what are you still trying to accomplish before the end of the year?
Not really much. The main thing that is playing on my mind is continuing to reduce my weight and improve my fitness but that is more of a long term lifestyle thing.
5. Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve?
Mr Jones and I will be taking our yacht up the Brisbane River to weigh anchor and watch the fireworks off the Story Bridge. Some vanilla friends and our children will be joking us it should be a great relaxing night.
There was no bonus this week but in the spirit of one of my favourite TMIers Nero Speaks I have added my own
Bonus:What is on your ‘Fucket List’ for the coming year.
I have updated my Fucket List Page with a couple of items that are on the immediate horizon. I am hoping that The Englishman’s availability improves a little in the new year because he is cute and I have plans for him 😉
I hope you have enjoyed this rather rambling TMI make sure that you check out the other contributors at TMI Tuesday
TMI Tuesday – How Random
1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?
It was a long time ago, I think I was maybe 7 or 8. I grew up on a cattle property which was fairly isolated.My father had several younger men working for him on a casual basis. One of them was a bull rider when he wasn’t working as a stockman. I guess for a country kid living on a cattle station that was the same as being a rock star.
2. Which parent do you identify with the most?
My relationship with my parents is problematic. I think I have blocked a lot of my negative feelings and consequently the positive ones just to stay sane. I am constantly vigilant of developing the same mannerisms and attitudes as my mother. So I guess that answers the question. Despite my efforts my appearance is very similar to my mother and she has a very strong bearing on the way that I live my life.
3. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?
I don’t think there is any regular food that I won’t eat AT ALL I have two foods that I strongly dislike one being eggplant and the other is coffee. But I will eat them under duress.
4. Would you ever adopt a child?
I don’t think I would consciously go through the official adoption process, but I have taken in a teenager when she didn’t have a home. In similar circumstances I would absolutely do the same thing again.
5. When was the last time you played a board game? What game?
This is not technically a board game but about a week ago we had some friends over for dinner and we played the card game ‘Get Rich Quick‘. For the OCD sufferers out there within the last six months I have played Monopoly the Dr Who regeneration version at which I annihilated Mr Jones. No mean feat.
Bonus: What makes you laugh more – dry humor or weird, goofy humor?
Definitely the dry type. Sometime the darker the better. Weird goofy humour, especially British ‘toilet’ humour is ok sometimes but it often just makes me cringe.
For more TMI goodness make sure you hop along to the TMI Tuesday page.
Dear Random Guy From Twitter
Dear Random Guy From Twitter,
There was a time when I enjoyed you sending me videos and pictures of you masturbating in the morning. It gave me a boost to think that someone thought about me in a sexual way. For a while I entertained thoughts of maybe meeting you and fucking some day.
But time went on and I realised a few things;
- I am not attracted to you. The more I look at your photos the more I see that I don’t like. And I makes me want to talk to you less.
- We aren’t going to meet. Not because of me but because of you. If you were genuinely interested you would have taken advantage of the several opportunities you have had.
- You aren’t really interested in me. I am just part of your spank bank. An interactive photo that you use to help you get off in the morning before you shower and go to work.
So when I worry about being rude because I don’t reply to all your messages I need to remember to remind myself that you are just flicking though your stimulus and you probably don’t care. So happy hunting. I am busy. When I need a sexual boost and I am at that point again I will net you know.
Sex Goddess Gemma.
TMI Tuesday – Roll with It
1. With whom would you like to take a bath?
Honestly I have never come across a bath that comfortably holds two people. So I would prefer to have my bath by myself. Showers however are a different story. My ideal shower partner would be someone like Channing Tatum.
Like who wouldn’t want someone like that to wash your body before fucking you against the wall of the shower.
2. You are, on a motorcycle, riding hard down a country road, wind in your hair. Who is the hottie on the bike with you? Are you riding or driving?
Riding definitely. The driver (that doesn’t seem to be the right term) would be Arnold Schwarzenegger of course as a Terminator. Because who wouldn’t like a terminator as your escort.
3. Baking naked–who is kneading your dough? 😉
I gotta say that naked baking seems hazardous. Anything hot near naked bits makes me nervous. But I would definitely choose the sexiest celebrity chef, Nigella Lawson.
4. Come sail away, come sail away, come and sail away with me! Who is joining you for a sexy sea adventure?
I do enjoy the occasional sailing adventure with Mr Jones. Even though we have discussed it several times we have never been able to get third, or fourth, person to join us for some nude adult fun on the water. At the moment I am discussing the possibilities with a sexy guy I am seeing but given our track record of organising these events we will see what pans out.
5. “I got your back.” Hands down who do you fully support, stick by no matter what, Who are you willing to help at all costs?
Absolutely would have to be Mr Jones. If you can’t say that you will stick by your husband of 19 years then you have some serious issues. If you don’t stick together when you are raising teenagers then they will take over your life.
Bonus: Belly button–inny or outty? Are you going to show us? 😀
My belly button is part of the area of my body that I like the least. If you want to see my belly button then who am I to argue with you? You are most welcome to visit my previous post, Sunday Selfie.
Sunday Selfie
I took this photo to prove to a friend that I have not faded away to a shadow. Recently I have been “dieting” because I felt I needed to lose a certain amount of weight. I am very opposed to the idea of dieting and so my “diet” is really more of a much needed adjustment to eating habits.
My friend is adamant that I don’t need to lose weight but my doctor thinks differently. I think my body will always tend towards the full and curvy type. Which I am becoming more comfortable with as I age.
