TMI Tuesday – Relationships are Work

Relationships are work. Not all the time but there is an element of effort involved if you want your relationship to be successful. Recently I had a conversation with my daughter about the misconception that a marriage is all about romance. I hope I didn’t impart too much cynicism into her idealistic teenage brain.

This weeks TMI questions look like fun so here goes my effort.

1. Lingerie–do you like to give it as a gift or received it?

Mr Jones is not a fan of lingerie so as a rule if I want something I have to buy it for myself. I think it would be nice to be in a relationship with a man who buys lingerie for me that he wants to see me in.

In terms of giving lingerie as s gift I absolutely love giving away panties that I have worn to my lover’s. It is fucking sexy to think of them stroking themselves while sniffing my scent or rubbing it on themselves.

2. What’s a good date night movie?

I honestly don’t have an answer to this. I haven’t really followed the practise of having ‘date night’. It seems so contrived. Perhaps my cynicism is misplaced and perhaps it is why Mr Jones and I seem to find it hard to be relaxed in each other’s company from time to time.

Recently we have been watching Outlander together. It has been great sharing a fixation with a show with him. Although I don’t think he has quite the same Jaime fantasies that I do

3. When your partner asks you “what’s wrong?” do you most often say “nothing” when something clearly is wrong? Why?

I try very hard not to do this but I am sure that I have done this. Mr Jones on the other hand is notorious for doing this. It is one of his most frustrating ways of dealing with issues. What usually happens is a period of time when I know there is a problem but he refuses to acknowledge it. This festers along until things come out in a very angst ridden discussion.

4. To keep the fires burning, and the relationship fresh you need to send your significant other just one text. What is that text?

An image of me with another man’s cum in my mouth usually does the trick.

Bonus: What was the last grand romantic gesture you made?

Recently I was involved with a man that I had seen a couple of times. Our fun was fairly vanilla and I am certain that there was nothing about him that tickled any romantic ideas. Certainly in the past I have had friends that have been far more adventurous and appealed to the romantic me much more.

For whatever reason Mr Jones felt very insecure about the time I spent with him. In the past whenever jealousy has reared its ugly head I have persevered and taken care to make sure Mr Jones feels included.

This time I took a different approach. I made the decision to end ties with my new friend and followed through the next day. To some people it may seem like an expected action but to me it represents going against my nature. Kind of like closing off part of my personality. I don’t think Mr Jones understood how significant the action was but he is happy and that is enough for me at the moment.

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This Teacher’s Life

I am currently on the third last day of the final week of school before Christmas Holidays. In Australia that is six weeks of school – free summer bisected by Christmas festivities. Australian summers are famous for blistering heat and certainly that has been my experience of them. That, along with bush fires and incredibly spectacular storms, complete with copious lightening, wind, torrential rain and occasionally hail.

Over the last few weeks bushfires have been dominating the news. There have been up to 200 individual fires burning that have threatened many communities and individual properties. Fires are not unheard of but I don’t remember fires of this scale so close to home. In my memory fires like this are more frequent in the southern states. Many men and women have volunteered their time to fight these fires to protect the homes and livelihoods of the people affected. I have a deep sense of respect for these people and am grateful for their efforts.

I am very much looking forward to six weeks of no school. Teaching is a very draining profession and the last weeks of the year are hard on teachers and students. For the last couple of weeks it has been a battle to stay focussed and committed. And that is just for me, From what I have observed my students are finding the struggle just as hard. Either that or they have given up.

I am looking forward to having time to write, bake and make stuff. In short to rebuild my sanity in preparation for next year’s onslaught.

The Secret Life of Us

#F4TFriday
I recently came across f4tfriday courtesy of The Zen Nudist. I was intrigued by last week’s questions but of course being intrigued is a long way from writing a post. However, better late than never.

How “real” is your online persona?

Do you use a pseudonym, your real identity or both?

Where you use a pseudonym how open about your actual identity are you?

Is your anonymous/pseudonymous online self a secret or more a form of protective “camouflage”?

My online persona is actually a very real version of myself. Perhaps not every facet of my personality but the stories I share are based on real life experiences. The musings are most definitely a reflection of my honest opinions. So it is as real as it gets. In fact it is probably more real than most people get because most people keep any radical ideas they have to themselves.

The only contradiction to my ‘real’ personality is my name. Gemma is of course a pseudonym. I use the name when I write blogs and also when I meet people from on line dating sites. So far only one person has made the connection between this blog and my dating profile without some help. No one has to date made the connection between this blog and the real world ‘Mrs Jones’. I have not taken any of the people in my workplace or circle of regular friends into confidence and shared my blog with them.

Usually once I have met a play friend a couple of times I reveal my real name. There is generally understanding about using a fake name. In fact several of the people I meet have used false names themselves. As I outlined above I don’t share my pseudonym with anyone from my every day life.

Unlike many people who inhabit the murky world of Twitter and sadly, internet dating sites, I don’t use a pseudonym to allow myself to dabble in secret fantasies that are not possible in real life. Tonight I read a fantastic post written by Miss Scarlett about people who engage in sexual interaction in a virtual way as a way of dealing with some version of Life crises. My pseudonym is a form of self protection. When it comes to ideas about people who interact with their children, people tend to be irrational and very closed minded. Consequently keeping some of my extra curricular activities behind closed doors is a matter of professional survival.

As far as people dabbling in virtual fantasies goes I have learned over the years to live and let live. There is always more than one side to a story. I guess where it becomes annoying is when people who have no intention of enacting their fantasies in the real world interact with me and cause frustration and angst by pretending they are. I am getting better at picking these people from the get go. Sometimes they are genuinely interesting people and I develop a friendship of sorts. Sometimes they are selfish irritating individuals who are only interested in acquiring pics for their own personal gratification. Those people don’t usually hang around for long.

Pseudonyms are par for the course with the environment we are hanging around in. People using the virtual world to live out fantasies in a safe way is also par for the course. As long as they are not being malicious and causing problems for people who are we to judge?

The 40 Year Old Virgin

I have debated for a little while about writing this post. But in the end I think it needs to be told. There are a lot of positives about it and I am a little flattered by the turn of events,

Recently I was approached by a man who is not 40 but has maintained his virginity a long way past the time it is considered socially acceptable. Like Steve Carell’s character in the film things have now gotten to a point where it is awkward. He has taken an unusual step of looking for a fantasy woman to share this event in his life before he turns into the 40 year old virgin.

When I received his first message it was one of those mind blowing moments when you say to yourself “I thought I had seen some weird shit but this is out there”. Mr Jones, bless his wee cotton socks, thought it was a scam. I was a bit weirded out because this gentleman had seen my profile on s dating site and then found this blog. The sensible part of me that wears nanny shoes and goes to bed at nine pm told me to block and run far and fast. That part of me doesn’t have a lot of fun.

One of my secret guilty fantasies is taking the virginity of an awkward young man, Mrs Robinson style. Or in a more modern version, Stiffler’s Mom.

I have been chatting to the man in question and I believe he is genuine however I am unsure of how things will pan out. I am worried about not being enough or failing in some way to make the experience memorable. When you have consciously saved yourself for that long you really want the first time to be memorable in a really good way and not in the “why the hell did I do that?” way.

I don’t know if I am as much woman as Stiffler’s Mom.

This post was inspired by Food For Thought Friday.

#F4TFriday

Trimming the Lawn

All those years again when Mr Jones and I stepped into the dating scene pubic hair was a big no-no. I had off and on experimented with pubic hair removal to fulfil fantasies or interests of Mr Jones but it wasn’t something I did regularly, I didn’t even really wax my bikini line. Suddenly I found myself regularly waxing. For the first time in my life I was regularly visiting a beautician. Caught up in the new adventures I was having I didn’t really consider the expense too much or the demands on my time particularly draining. As time went on regular waxing became a habit. I genuinely fulfilled that swinger stereotype of not being able to remember the last time I had pubic hair.Fast forward to now and Mr Jones and I have definitely slowed our level of activity. We visit clubs and the occasional party as a couple looking for other couples but we often hook up with single men for a threesome. Mr Jones doesn’t really feel the amount of effort involved in looking for a playmate is not always well rewarded so he tends not to bother. I am of a different opinion.I enjoy meeting different people and experiencing different situations so I put a bit more effort in and am rewarded with a few different experiences. And a certain amount of frustration. Sadly I have not found someone with the mind shattering sexual chemistry I experienced with Pet, but I have had some fun times. Due to the nature of my job my dating life has slowed considerably. My time has become quite limited so visits to the beautician are a thing of the past. Grooming these days is in the form of a quick shave just before heading out the door. A little while ago I had some play time with a European man who had a distinct preference for unshaved pubic hair. I did my best to please him but the best I could do was about four weeks growth. My reward was some intense sex and this very sexy photo After this experience I have become much more relaxed about going on dates with less than a perfectly shaved puss. In fact lately I have decided to grow the bush back. The novelty of having hair down there is a little stimulating. Mr Jones seems happy with this turn of events. He commented recently that it is fun to have something to stroke down there. So I think the hair is here to stay for the moment. Sorry potential playmates but if pubic hair is a deal breaker then you are not the guy for me.

The Dick Pic

I have probably written about this topic before but I was inspired to pen this because of a post by The Zen Nudist about rape. Although it is not anywhere as extreme as rape there is something about the unsolicited dick pic that I, and many women, find invasive and confronting. Don’t get me wrong, I love penises. I love to look at them, I love to inspect them in the minutest detail, I love to suck them, I love them inside me. What I don’t love is having one shoved in my face when I am innocently going through my day and my message notification pings. I don’t understand why men do it. In a way it is sad that men have distilled their attractiveness to women to such a small (no pun intended) part of them.There are many parts of men that are attractive. I am a sucker for a nice arse. I even have Twitter friends who send me great shots of their arse, after invitation. Things like this. This is hot after you have made a connection, had a conversation etc. There are plenty of ways to entice and intrigue which for me makes attraction stronger. I can’t speak for all women of course but based on conversations I have had with female friends who are dating most women seem to feel the same way as me. Sending uninvited pictures of your dick to women is NOT acceptable behaviour EVER. As I stated in my opening comments it is invasive, offensive and sometimes just plain weird.There are plenty of ways to present your package that are alluring and damn sexy something like this;Or this;So guys, take note. You are more than your naked protruding penis. Show some creativity and remember that less is often more.

I Bruised my Vagina

The typical idea that people have when I tell them I do pole dancing is strip club sexy perfection. Something like this;

The reality is something quite different. Classes are hard, sweaty and full of statements like, “fuck that hurt” and “yep

H you got it……. oh not quite”. Naturally, or maybe not. Most of the people in my classes are fairly open minded. I guess that is going to happen in a class called ‘Sexy and Static’. So the learning how to be sexy on a static pole is not really sexy, it is hard ad sweaty and involves putting you body in positions that are unfamiliar and often awkward. Of course there is a lot of bare skin contact with hard metal. The outcome is often bruising. Tonight’s bruise was the result of a double activity which is fun, and of course looks cool. However like everything there is a lot of practise between trying for the first time and the cool. In the meantime I need to go through pain and bruises like this one;

Perspective

The Colombian is very keen on having ‘adventures’ as he puts it. Most of what he intends is having sex in risky public places like parks, shopping centre change rooms, beaches etc. On the day we first met we found ourselves inside the fire escape stairs of a shopping centre. I was looking for a way to find my car but he was very keen to engage in other activities. To his disappointment I wasn’t up for that kind of thing. Which, upon reflection, is very unlike Gemma.

Since then we have visited a department store change room, and kind of gotten busted by the shop assistant. So I guess there are flashes of Gemma. A couple of weeks ago I was watching rubbish television with my family and we watched this ‘caught on camera’ kind of show featuring the things people do in a multi-story car park. Of course there wS a lot of version of people damaging boom gates in an attempt to avoid paying but also there were a quite a few snippets of people getting sexy in semi secluded corners of the building.

This particular show also featured a dramatisation of the control room where the cameras in the building are monitored showing the reactions of the people watching the action. Of course these people are tasked with making sure equipment such as boom gates and automatic payment machines are not damaged but they also monitor the behaviour of clientele and call the police if things get out of hand. The reactions portrayed to people having sex in stairs and corners were not positive. Instead of “how sexy” and “how daring” their standard response was more ” how gross” and “get a room!”

I felt a bit deflated watching it. I thought back to the recent change room shenanigans and I realised how pissed the sales assistant probably was and how disgusted she was. I felt a little ashamed. Which is stupid. We weren’t hurting anyone and we didn’t leave a mess for her to clean up so what is it to her? The same as the car park viewers. What is the problem? Who is the worst here? The people enjoying themselves and living in the moment or the people sitting around criticising as they watch camera footage?

It is an interesting paradigm. Like the picture above the reality depends on your viewpoint I guess, and the way you have been conditioned to think by the people around you. I think for all the value that Westerners put on being sexy, and the way we pride ourselves on being open minded we definitely have some very prudish ideas about sex.

The question remains; will I have stairwell sex with the Columbian if the opportunity arises? The answer is I honestly don’t know. I think I will definitely have to do a check for cameras first.

Life Musings

This post is based on the TMI Tuesday questions from March 20. Like a lot of their posts the questions raise some interesting thoughts.

1. Who was the first person you ever had a crush on?

Sadly my age means that this happened a very long time ago. In terms of celebrity crushes I think my first one was “The Hoff” wayyyy back when he was in Knightrider. In fact wayyyyy before he was “The Hoff”. To be perfectly honest the car was probably just as sexy as he was.

As for real life people there was this boy who I was deeply, madly in love with for all of year 11 and 12. Like most of those crushes he was blissfully unaware of my infatuation and proceeded to have a long term relationship with someone else for all of those years. My friends could not understand my infatuation with him. He wasn’t one of the boys that was regarded as particularly good looking. I just found something about him attractive.

2. What is the most important material possession you have and why?

For me material possessions are weird. I have as many as the next person. In true middle class white person style I probably have more than most people in the world. I don’t necessarily want to be without any but I can’t think of one that is particularly important.

3. If you were a cake which cake would you be?

Chocolate cake of course! Not one of those insipid sponge types but something like a Sacher torte that is rich and complex and decadent. Something you know you shouldn’t eat but you really can’t stop yourself. Because of course eating me is an experience. On a side note one of The Colombian’s most endearing qualities is his desire and talent for eating me. I used to be a bit meh about guys eating me out but after a couple of experiences recently I am starting to see how some women see it as an indispensable talent.

4 Has anything/ anyone ever saved your life before?

Not really. I guess I have not really done a lot that has been life risking. Or maybe my guardian angel saves my life every day and I just don’t notice.

5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

The ability to eat and drink what ever and whenever I want with no effect on my weight! Imagine being able to eat endless amounts of chocolate and cake without worrying about calories! Life would be perfect.

Bonus: What are your plans for the holidays?

Well I am so glad you asked! Firstly I am going to sleep when I want and not have to get up and go to work for two weeks. Secondly for the official Easter break I plan to eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want. My third plan is to find some more secluded, less visited parks and spend some time enjoying the company of the Columbian. He has a thing for outdoor adventures. I just have a thing for adventures. So I am hoping I will keep you posted.

It’s Been a While

Somewhere back in January I remember thinking I was going to become blogger of the year in 2018. I was going to post regularly people would think I am hilarious and I would become famous all over the internet……

Oh no wait, that was my cat. Of course because the only that people want to look at is memes and pictures of animals.

So here I am on the verge of Easter holidays. Deep in the throes of marking assignments and exams hoping beyond hope that all my students are geniuses and that I can give them all As. (It isn’t until term 4 and I am looking down the barrel of Christmas holidays that I will have truly gotten to know them and be more realistic about the effort they are putting in and the consequent grade.

Life has been relatively boring. My sex life even more so. My world seems populated by men who are more than happy to have sex with me as much as I want as long as there is minimal effort on their part. I. Just. Want. To be. Seduced. Dare I say it; Christian Grey style. Although I would like to think I would be less insipid than Anastasia. I am also more than happy for him not to be quite so brooding or even that wealthy.

On the plus side I am seeing a Colombian. He is enthusiastic I will give him that. And he gives amazing head. I wish his English was better, or my Spanish. Either or. Maybe I should treat myself to a visit.