Drizzle

Mr Jones and I have recently been exploring wax play. We recently had some time with some other friends who are also practitioners and had the opportunity to practise. The Tall Man shared some of his knowledge and experience. We then had the chance to practise. I was pleased with this effect.

Sinful Sunday

When Worlds Collide

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

One of the things I have always voiced as a fear is running into a play friend when I am at work. When I have played out possible scenarios of this happening I have always imagined the man being either a potential employer or recognising him at a parent teacher interview scenario. As is always the way nothing ever plays out the way you imagine it.

As I was minding my own business one Friday night I received the following message

“Hi remember me?”

I looked at my phone. There was a number with no contact assigned. So I had absolutely no idea. My response,

“?? A name perhaps”

H proceeded to be very coy and not forthcoming with information but dropped hints while I tried to get my head around the situation. I worked out that I had never actually met this guy that we had chatted for a while planned to meet and for some reason never followed through. He had recognised me at a school function that day, gone home and thought it would be fun to mess with my head a little.

It really threw me. His complete refusal to fully identify himself although he knew where I worked, who my work colleagues and my boss were and my name but he refused to give any clues to his identity. I told him that I hadn’t saved his number, or more likely deleted it when things fell through. Eventually he gave me the name of the profile he used on the dating apps we met through and then proceeded to tell me his account had been deactivated. A quick search confirmed there was no profile with this name. He didn’t seem to understand why this situation was grossly unfair. He told me he didn’t want to reveal too much to protect his kid. Even when I pointed out he knew a lot about me.

The whole time I was having the conversation I was struggling to keep up with emotions and thoughts that were popping in to my head. I was aware that this could go very badly for me and saying the wrong thing could have major repercussions but I was also dealing with being quite irritated at his smugness. On top of this confusion about what exactly he wanted out of this conversation. He didn’t want to meet as far as I could work out. He had a partner of sorts and he didn’t tell her about this. He didn’t make any threats about outing me to my boss he just seemed to get pleasure out of messing with my head.

In the end I just stopped responding to him or giving him any openings in the conversation. I wished him well and made sure he understood that while I wouldn’t be teaching his kid next year I would likely see him around from time to time. What I didn’t tell him, mainly because I didn’t really think about it much, was that there are ways I could work out who he was. The class his kid belongs to was one that I taught this year. It isn’t that big and of course teachers have access to the contact details of parents. How else could we contact them when we need to? It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to open their class list and poke around a little.

Before I even went down that road I sat quietly and ran through the parents I had conversed with that day. I realised who it was. While I don’t have a clear mental picture of the parent I have a clear understanding of the kid. And so here I am. Now what? Nothing really. At the end of the day he would have to out himself to make a complaint or a fuss. I have done nothing wrong or unprofessional. I think I wasn’t even working at this school when we were talking. I know I wasn’t teaching his kid. And even if I was our meeting was in a separate place, on a separate pathway. I am nothing if not professional and proper with my Young People.

And so, now that my irritation at his childish behaviour has dissipated I am taking it on the chin. Or doing my best. Lessons have been learned and appreciation for the bullet I dodged in not actually meeting this person is growing.

TMI Tuesday – Relationships and Attention

1. Compared to 5 years ago do you care more or less about what people think of you?

I would like to say less. The reality is probably that it hasn’t really changed. I still have a pathological need to gain people’s approval

2. What is the last self-help book, article or blog post you read? Did it help you?

In the early hours of this morning I was preparing a blog post and I delved into articles about narcissistic parents and the effects on their children. It was somewhat helpful to explain the behaviour of my own parent which hasn’t always been exemplary but I guess we all have failings. The thing I am coming to realise is that while you may have a reason for your failing I don’t have an obligation to accept behaviour from you that is damaging to me. There is a reason that the word toxic is used to describe certain people.

3. Tell us 3 people you must have in your life.

Mr Jones because he is Mr Jones. I like to think sometimes that I could manage without him but I really honestly couldn’t.

The Unicorn because if there was a mini me in the world it is her.

I don’t have a third person.

4. Does tech interfere with your personal relationships? How so?

I think that tech interferes with living in general. Spending endless hours with your head down scrolling and scrolling. When can you get that time back. How can you connect when you are so stimulated that your brain doesn’t relax into existing?

5. When you want your partner or friend’s undivided attention, how do you communicate that?

Depends on the friend but I find putting my body directly in their line of sight so that they can’t ignore me works well. This applies for teenagers who don’t want to listen to an instruction, children who are fixated on a television and husbands who haven’t noticed you in a while.

Bonus: What is your view of love?

Integrity

Of late I have been struggling to post. Part of the reason for this is some mental turmoil surrounding my job. In an effort to collect my thoughts I penned this.

Photo by George Pagan III on Unsplash

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching. It means even when you know that you are fighting the ocean and no one is going to stand with you that you stand up and say no.

Yesterday a colleague commented to me that I have integrity. Right now I find myself in a workplace where it feels as if most people have stopped caring. They don’t understand what they do. They are teachers. They think because they have that job title they automatically care.

But I am learning it doesn’t work that way. Caring isn’t just turning up for the celebrations and the free food. It is holding the line with Young People. It is having the hard conversations and being the unpopular grumpy teacher. Because you care enough to chip away at the hard surface that is a teenager who has been abandoned by most educators and sometimes even by their parents.

Caring is doing this stuff even if you know your manager is going to overturn your ruling when the pressure is on. Caring is keeping your standards when the company who employs you is all about ticking a box. Because when Young People get out in the world they will benefit from being pushed.

When you stop pushing and use the excuse that it doesn’t matter because your manager doesn’t care you stop caring for those people in front of you. At this point I believe that you need to consider if you should still be teaching. if you still have the interest of your charges at the forefront of your practice.

Of course there is a point where being the only one who does the right thing is damaging to your soul. When you realise that people are just taking advantage and that you are never going to reap the rewards. At this point you are faced with a choice. Stop caring and join the rest of the sheep, or find another workplace that is more supportive. I find myself at this juncture.

There are reasons why this choice is not simple. Many questions to answer. Going back to mainstream school is not an option so where would I take my career? If I wanted to I have the financial stability to retire. My retirement would have to be frugal but it is possible. Is there another type of job I could do? The last and most obvious question, have I reached the point where it is damaging for me to continue in the same job with the same company?

The answer to this last question is not yet but it isn’t far away. There may be some changes afoot in my workplace. Pushing back against the negativity and maintaining my integrity may help this change to happen. In the last few weeks I have been doing this. Pushing back, pointing out to people what their responsibilities are. The wheels are turning. I can see a glimmer of hope. I keep getting asked the question “Are you staying next year?” The answer is yes. For now.

TMI Tuesday – Cheating and Lovers

Photo by Talles Alves on Unsplash

1. You unexpectedly had sex with your friend’s partner. You feel guilty. Your friend’s partner keeps texting you begging you not to say anything about the two of you having sex. Would you tell your friend or keep mum?

I am not sure how you unexpectedly have sex. Every scenario I come up with involves some kind of pre-exisiting desire. Even if it is suppressed. So “unexpectedly”? You tell yourself what you need to. Before I sat down to write this I read Kdaddy’s thoughts on the situation. Some of his experiences made me consider that unmistakable attraction you sometimes have for a person, even when you know they are out of bounds. I have had that happen to me but I am fortunate that I had Mr Jones to save me from myself.

So I honestly can’t imagine being in the situation described. I do get into situations with men who are cheating on their partner. The “don’t tell” part of this scenario is very real here. I am also very clear on my position on this. I won’t tell but I will also not fuck you. People have this idea that their partner won’t find out when they cheat. Really? What does that say about the relationship they are trying to preserve if the partner doesn’t have some inkling that things are not as they should be. They will find out. Some day. Even if it is after you realise things aren’t right and you leave. When they do find out they will understandably be pissed and want to lash out. Not just at their cheating partner but also at their “friend” who aided and abetted. I am not up for being in the firing line for your dalliance. And so if you are cheating it won’t be with me. I don’t lie to my husband I am sure as shit not going to lie to your wife / husband either.

Given that my answer to question 1 was so long I have decided to skip question 2.

3. Do you think couples should argue regularly for a happy relationship or marriage?

The long term partner I had before Mr Jones and I was quite a bit older than I. I was also quite a bit younger and less grown up. Close to the end of our relationship I remember being very frustrated because he never fought back when I attacked. His response, “I just don’t argue, I don’t believe in it”.

I left him soon after that.

If what you believe or your own feelings aren’t worth fighting for then you aren’t much of a person.

I am also going to skip question 4. There is too much depth in this post already.

Bonus: If you were asked, “Why do you keep meeting the wrong people on dating apps?” what would you respond?

Bit of a confusing question. Why do I keep meeting the wrong people?

Because I don’t make a conscious choice to pursue what I exactly want and just deal with whatever comes along.It doesn’t mean I necessarily take what comes along but it does mean that I am fishing in a reduced pool so to speak.

Why do others keep meeting the wrong people?

Dating apps, especially if you are a woman, require a lot of filtering. So they require you to make decisions on very superficial things like age, height etc. I always wonder if making those kinds of decisions will rob me of the chance to make an amazing connection. In a nutshell meeting people in person and getting a feel for the whole person is much better.

Power

A student recently asked me if I worked out. His reasoning was that I looked pretty built. I was taken aback because I don’t think of myself as having a particularly gym looking physique. When I look at myself in photos. I see overweight and “fat”.

Tonight during a class I faced the mirror. Something I almost never do. It wasn’t really deliberate but as I began a routine of squats to “Sally” I noticed he was right. I really do have quite muscular shoulders.

Maybe I should take up power lifting.

From the Vault – Afternoon Delight

I wasn’t expecting to post today but as I scrolled through some old entries from another time I came across this. It was too good not to share.

“Good Afternoon Ray,” Meryl opened the door wide. “You are just in time for banana cake.” 

“Oooohh I do like a good banana cake,” Ray leaned forward and kissed Meryl on the cheek. He allowed himself a glance downwards at the cleavage that was neatly concealed between the neat floral dress.

“I do like your dress,” he commented with a wink, “that fabric compliments your eyes.”Meryl laughed as she led the way into the kitchen. A little flush coloured her cheeks as she fussed around arranging tea things on a tray. She passed a plate of neatly cut cake to Ray.

“Would you mind?” she lifted the tray and moved towards the lounge room. 

“I never mind anything about you,” Ray followed her the short way, his eyes fixed on her ass. The soft fabric clung to her butt emphasising the movement as she walked. Balancing the tray on one hand Ray reached forward and gently cupped her butt in the palm of his hand.

“Ray!” Meryl chided, “You will make me spill the tea!”

He refused to be ashamed, “Well you should not have such an inviting ass,”

“My goodness what would Deanna say?” Meryl placed the tray on the coffee table and seated herself demurely on the sofa. 

“She would just roll her eyes and say ‘See what I have to live with.” Ray placed his plate carefully beside the tray and sat next to Meryl with his knee touching hers. 

“Well she deserves a medal for living with someone as incorrigible as you for so long!” Meryl filled his teacup and placed a slice of cake on the saucer before handing it to him.

 “If I didn’t think you had a secret longing for someone so incorrigible I would not have dropped by,” Ray took a bite out of his cake, “despite the fact that you make excellent banana cake.” He watched her as he chewed slowly. This was the biggest turn on of all. Making this reserved, demure woman so flustered was hot. Ray felt his cock stirring as he watched the blush on Meryl’s cheeks deepen.Meryl picked up her own cup and took a sip,

“Your azaleas are looking lovely,” she forced herself to ignore Ray’s hand resting on her knee. Without moving his hand Ray looked out of the window to his garden across the street.

“Yes this year I think Deanna has excelled herself with them.” As he spoke he pushed the fabric of her dress above her knee and rested his hand on her bare thigh.

“I wish I had the patience that she has with such finicky plants.” There was a small quaver in Meryl’s voice but she steadfastly kept her eyes on the window in front of them. 

“Well after forty years with me and four sons she is one of the most patient women that I know,” Ray drank the last of his tea and set his cup down on the saucer. “Personally I would rather direct my attention towards flowers that are somewhat more exotic.” He slid down off the couch and placed his body between Meryl’s legs.

Taking a deep breath as he slowly lifted the skirt of her dress. His fingers caressed the soft skin of her thighs. Meryl gave a little whimper and she fell back on the sofa. Her legs fell further apart inviting Ray in. He placed his mouth over her crotch nibbling at her mound through the fabric of her panties. Meryl lost all of her composure and thrust her pelvis towards his face. Ray sat up from her and slid his finger under the elastic, nestling it into the dampness of her crotch. The last vestiges of composure slipped away from Meryl’s face as she pressed Ray’s hand hard into her crotch. Her head was thrown back and her mouth opened as she whimpered in pleasure. Ray pressed his fingers into her wet opening. Inside his pants his cock throbbed. He stood up and unzipped himself. Meryl watched greedily as he slid his pants to the ground and eased his cock out of his boxers. 

“What should I do with this now?” he asked as he stood in front of her holding his cock. Meryl didn’t answer. Instead she stood and slipped out of her panties before kneeling on the sofa in front of him with her butt in the air. Her dress slipped down around her waist. 

“Now that is the kind of flower I was talking about,” Ray stepped forward and touched her clit with the tip of his finger before he stroked her with the tip of his cock. She backed towards him aching for him to fill her.

“Mrs Rogers!” I thought you were such a nice lady with your tea and banana cake but you are just a common cock hungry slut!” Ray’s voice teased her.Meryl looked over her shoulder at him,

“The cake and tea are just a ruse.” She smiled wickedly at him, “Now shut up and fuck me!” 

Ray stepped forward and gripped her hips firmly as he pressed his member deep inside her. She groaned in pleasure as he began to fuck her slowly at first but then harder. The room filled with the sound of her moans of pleasure and Ray’s belly slapping against her ass. “You like that cock deep in your pussy?” he panted as he pounded her.

“You know I do,” she groaned in response. A small stream of wetness coated his cock and balls as a tiny orgasm shuddered through her. Ray felt the pressure building at the base of his cock. He held it back enjoying the feeling of the impending orgasm. He gripped Meryl’s ass firmly as he leaned forward to whisper to her,

“Are you ready to be filled with my hot cum?” 

“MUUUUUM!!” A shrill voice interrupted her reply. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”

Ray was past the point of no return. His cock pulsed as he emptied himself into Meryl but the wave of the orgasm was flat as he took in the indignant young woman standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the sitting room. Beneath him Meryl shuddered in response to him breathing heavily with her head hanging down. Silence bounced around the room as the three people adjusted to the unexpected encounter.

Meryl was the first to recover.“Well dear,” she said calmly without moving away from Ray, “Mr Crowther and I have this arrangement.”

The young woman standing in the doorway’s eyes widened as her mother spoke.

“On Thursdays he comes around for an afternoon delight.” Meryl made no effort to move away from Ray as his cock softened rapidly in her dripping wet pussy. Transfixed by the exchange between mother and daughter Ray stood still gripping Meryl’s hips. His cock slid out of her pussy but still he didn’t move.

“What would Dad say?” The young woman demanded.

“Not much I expect,” Meryl’s calm voice continued. “I believe he has a similar arrangement with Mrs Blythe two doors down.”

Filthy Dirty Money

Photo by Mathieu Stern on Unsplash

1. True or False. You can never have enough
money.

I think it is human nature to always want more. So the idea that you don’t have enough is always there in your mind. One of my favourite movie lines from a movie I have no idea of the name of the movie but the line is; “if you aren’t happy with what you have how will you be happy with something else?”

Ponder it for a while.

2. Will money solve all your problems? Why or why not?

In a word no. It won’t make people more kind. In actual fact it is what makes my students act like entitled fuckwits and it won’t really get me anything significantly nicer than what I have already.

3. Agree or disagree.  I will not buy something unless it is new (e.g. furniture, car, clothes).

Mr Jones would be better at making this argument but in essence a new car is more cost effective. In this stupid post Covid market where people are selling used cars for higher prices than a new one (possibly an Australian phenomenon) this is even more true.

4. Is it important to save for a rainy day (aka emergency fund)?

Rainy day no. You will find what you need when you need it.

Retirement yes. Living off a government pension for the rest of your life is not going to be the standard of living that I am interested in.

5. Complete the sentence. If I win millions in the lottery I will _____ .

Be very surprised. We never buy lottery tickets. But if someone wants to buy me a winning ticket I will go halvsies with them.

Bonus: Dating costs money: dating apps, outfits, grooming, and the date itself. Tell us how you plan to make a great cheap date?

The Pharmacist and I have been discussing this a little of late. I am happy with a pub meal and a nice chat in a comfortable house with a bottle of wine we bought on the way home. As long as there is great conversation I am happy.