The Secret Life of Us
How “real” is your online persona?
Do you use a pseudonym, your real identity or both?
Where you use a pseudonym how open about your actual identity are you?
Is your anonymous/pseudonymous online self a secret or more a form of protective “camouflage”?
My online persona is actually a very real version of myself. Perhaps not every facet of my personality but the stories I share are based on real life experiences. The musings are most definitely a reflection of my honest opinions. So it is as real as it gets. In fact it is probably more real than most people get because most people keep any radical ideas they have to themselves.
The only contradiction to my ‘real’ personality is my name. Gemma is of course a pseudonym. I use the name when I write blogs and also when I meet people from on line dating sites. So far only one person has made the connection between this blog and my dating profile without some help. No one has to date made the connection between this blog and the real world ‘Mrs Jones’. I have not taken any of the people in my workplace or circle of regular friends into confidence and shared my blog with them.
Usually once I have met a play friend a couple of times I reveal my real name. There is generally understanding about using a fake name. In fact several of the people I meet have used false names themselves. As I outlined above I don’t share my pseudonym with anyone from my every day life.
Unlike many people who inhabit the murky world of Twitter and sadly, internet dating sites, I don’t use a pseudonym to allow myself to dabble in secret fantasies that are not possible in real life. Tonight I read a fantastic post written by Miss Scarlett about people who engage in sexual interaction in a virtual way as a way of dealing with some version of Life crises. My pseudonym is a form of self protection. When it comes to ideas about people who interact with their children, people tend to be irrational and very closed minded. Consequently keeping some of my extra curricular activities behind closed doors is a matter of professional survival.
As far as people dabbling in virtual fantasies goes I have learned over the years to live and let live. There is always more than one side to a story. I guess where it becomes annoying is when people who have no intention of enacting their fantasies in the real world interact with me and cause frustration and angst by pretending they are. I am getting better at picking these people from the get go. Sometimes they are genuinely interesting people and I develop a friendship of sorts. Sometimes they are selfish irritating individuals who are only interested in acquiring pics for their own personal gratification. Those people don’t usually hang around for long.
Pseudonyms are par for the course with the environment we are hanging around in. People using the virtual world to live out fantasies in a safe way is also par for the course. As long as they are not being malicious and causing problems for people who are we to judge?
The 40 Year Old Virgin
I have debated for a little while about writing this post. But in the end I think it needs to be told. There are a lot of positives about it and I am a little flattered by the turn of events,
Recently I was approached by a man who is not 40 but has maintained his virginity a long way past the time it is considered socially acceptable. Like Steve Carell’s character in the film things have now gotten to a point where it is awkward. He has taken an unusual step of looking for a fantasy woman to share this event in his life before he turns into the 40 year old virgin.
When I received his first message it was one of those mind blowing moments when you say to yourself “I thought I had seen some weird shit but this is out there”. Mr Jones, bless his wee cotton socks, thought it was a scam. I was a bit weirded out because this gentleman had seen my profile on s dating site and then found this blog. The sensible part of me that wears nanny shoes and goes to bed at nine pm told me to block and run far and fast. That part of me doesn’t have a lot of fun.
One of my secret guilty fantasies is taking the virginity of an awkward young man, Mrs Robinson style. Or in a more modern version, Stiffler’s Mom.
I have been chatting to the man in question and I believe he is genuine however I am unsure of how things will pan out. I am worried about not being enough or failing in some way to make the experience memorable. When you have consciously saved yourself for that long you really want the first time to be memorable in a really good way and not in the “why the hell did I do that?” way.
I don’t know if I am as much woman as Stiffler’s Mom.
This post was inspired by Food For Thought Friday.
Trimming the Lawn
All those years again when Mr Jones and I stepped into the dating scene pubic hair was a big no-no. I had off and on experimented with pubic hair removal to fulfil fantasies or interests of Mr Jones but it wasn’t something I did regularly, I didn’t even really wax my bikini line. Suddenly I found myself regularly waxing. For the first time in my life I was regularly visiting a beautician. Caught up in the new adventures I was having I didn’t really consider the expense too much or the demands on my time particularly draining. As time went on regular waxing became a habit. I genuinely fulfilled that swinger stereotype of not being able to remember the last time I had pubic hair.Fast forward to now and Mr Jones and I have definitely slowed our level of activity. We visit clubs and the occasional party as a couple looking for other couples but we often hook up with single men for a threesome. Mr Jones doesn’t really feel the amount of effort involved in looking for a playmate is not always well rewarded so he tends not to bother. I am of a different opinion.I enjoy meeting different people and experiencing different situations so I put a bit more effort in and am rewarded with a few different experiences. And a certain amount of frustration. Sadly I have not found someone with the mind shattering sexual chemistry I experienced with Pet, but I have had some fun times. Due to the nature of my job my dating life has slowed considerably. My time has become quite limited so visits to the beautician are a thing of the past. Grooming these days is in the form of a quick shave just before heading out the door. A little while ago I had some play time with a European man who had a distinct preference for unshaved pubic hair. I did my best to please him but the best I could do was about four weeks growth. My reward was some intense sex and this very sexy photo 
After this experience I have become much more relaxed about going on dates with less than a perfectly shaved puss. In fact lately I have decided to grow the bush back. The novelty of having hair down there is a little stimulating. Mr Jones seems happy with this turn of events. He commented recently that it is fun to have something to stroke down there. So I think the hair is here to stay for the moment. Sorry potential playmates but if pubic hair is a deal breaker then you are not the guy for me.
The Dick Pic
I have probably written about this topic before but I was inspired to pen this because of a post by The Zen Nudist about rape. Although it is not anywhere as extreme as rape there is something about the unsolicited dick pic that I, and many women, find invasive and confronting. Don’t get me wrong, I love penises. I love to look at them, I love to inspect them in the minutest detail, I love to suck them, I love them inside me. What I don’t love is having one shoved in my face when I am innocently going through my day and my message notification pings. I don’t understand why men do it. In a way it is sad that men have distilled their attractiveness to women to such a small (no pun intended) part of them.There are many parts of men that are attractive. I am a sucker for a nice arse. I even have Twitter friends who send me great shots of their arse, after invitation. Things like this. 
This is hot after you have made a connection, had a conversation etc. There are plenty of ways to entice and intrigue which for me makes attraction stronger. I can’t speak for all women of course but based on conversations I have had with female friends who are dating most women seem to feel the same way as me. Sending uninvited pictures of your dick to women is NOT acceptable behaviour EVER. As I stated in my opening comments it is invasive, offensive and sometimes just plain weird.There are plenty of ways to present your package that are alluring and damn sexy something like this;
Or this;
So guys, take note. You are more than your naked protruding penis. Show some creativity and remember that less is often more.
I Bruised my Vagina
The typical idea that people have when I tell them I do pole dancing is strip club sexy perfection. Something like this;
The reality is something quite different. Classes are hard, sweaty and full of statements like, “fuck that hurt” and “yep
H you got it……. oh not quite”. Naturally, or maybe not. Most of the people in my classes are fairly open minded. I guess that is going to happen in a class called ‘Sexy and Static’. So the learning how to be sexy on a static pole is not really sexy, it is hard ad sweaty and involves putting you body in positions that are unfamiliar and often awkward. Of course there is a lot of bare skin contact with hard metal. The outcome is often bruising. Tonight’s bruise was the result of a double activity which is fun, and of course looks cool. However like everything there is a lot of practise between trying for the first time and the cool. In the meantime I need to go through pain and bruises like this one;
Perspective
The Colombian is very keen on having ‘adventures’ as he puts it. Most of what he intends is having sex in risky public places like parks, shopping centre change rooms, beaches etc. On the day we first met we found ourselves inside the fire escape stairs of a shopping centre. I was looking for a way to find my car but he was very keen to engage in other activities. To his disappointment I wasn’t up for that kind of thing. Which, upon reflection, is very unlike Gemma.
Since then we have visited a department store change room, and kind of gotten busted by the shop assistant. So I guess there are flashes of Gemma. A couple of weeks ago I was watching rubbish television with my family and we watched this ‘caught on camera’ kind of show featuring the things people do in a multi-story car park. Of course there wS a lot of version of people damaging boom gates in an attempt to avoid paying but also there were a quite a few snippets of people getting sexy in semi secluded corners of the building.
This particular show also featured a dramatisation of the control room where the cameras in the building are monitored showing the reactions of the people watching the action. Of course these people are tasked with making sure equipment such as boom gates and automatic payment machines are not damaged but they also monitor the behaviour of clientele and call the police if things get out of hand. The reactions portrayed to people having sex in stairs and corners were not positive. Instead of “how sexy” and “how daring” their standard response was more ” how gross” and “get a room!”
I felt a bit deflated watching it. I thought back to the recent change room shenanigans and I realised how pissed the sales assistant probably was and how disgusted she was. I felt a little ashamed. Which is stupid. We weren’t hurting anyone and we didn’t leave a mess for her to clean up so what is it to her? The same as the car park viewers. What is the problem? Who is the worst here? The people enjoying themselves and living in the moment or the people sitting around criticising as they watch camera footage?
It is an interesting paradigm. Like the picture above the reality depends on your viewpoint I guess, and the way you have been conditioned to think by the people around you. I think for all the value that Westerners put on being sexy, and the way we pride ourselves on being open minded we definitely have some very prudish ideas about sex.
The question remains; will I have stairwell sex with the Columbian if the opportunity arises? The answer is I honestly don’t know. I think I will definitely have to do a check for cameras first.
Life Musings
This post is based on the TMI Tuesday questions from March 20. Like a lot of their posts the questions raise some interesting thoughts.
1. Who was the first person you ever had a crush on?
Sadly my age means that this happened a very long time ago. In terms of celebrity crushes I think my first one was “The Hoff” wayyyy back when he was in Knightrider. In fact wayyyyy before he was “The Hoff”. To be perfectly honest the car was probably just as sexy as he was.
As for real life people there was this boy who I was deeply, madly in love with for all of year 11 and 12. Like most of those crushes he was blissfully unaware of my infatuation and proceeded to have a long term relationship with someone else for all of those years. My friends could not understand my infatuation with him. He wasn’t one of the boys that was regarded as particularly good looking. I just found something about him attractive.
2. What is the most important material possession you have and why?
For me material possessions are weird. I have as many as the next person. In true middle class white person style I probably have more than most people in the world. I don’t necessarily want to be without any but I can’t think of one that is particularly important.
3. If you were a cake which cake would you be?
Chocolate cake of course! Not one of those insipid sponge types but something like a Sacher torte that is rich and complex and decadent. Something you know you shouldn’t eat but you really can’t stop yourself. Because of course eating me is an experience. On a side note one of The Colombian’s most endearing qualities is his desire and talent for eating me. I used to be a bit meh about guys eating me out but after a couple of experiences recently I am starting to see how some women see it as an indispensable talent.
4 Has anything/ anyone ever saved your life before?
Not really. I guess I have not really done a lot that has been life risking. Or maybe my guardian angel saves my life every day and I just don’t notice.
5. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
The ability to eat and drink what ever and whenever I want with no effect on my weight! Imagine being able to eat endless amounts of chocolate and cake without worrying about calories! Life would be perfect.
Bonus: What are your plans for the holidays?
Well I am so glad you asked! Firstly I am going to sleep when I want and not have to get up and go to work for two weeks. Secondly for the official Easter break I plan to eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want. My third plan is to find some more secluded, less visited parks and spend some time enjoying the company of the Columbian. He has a thing for outdoor adventures. I just have a thing for adventures. So I am hoping I will keep you posted.
It’s Been a While
Somewhere back in January I remember thinking I was going to become blogger of the year in 2018. I was going to post regularly people would think I am hilarious and I would become famous all over the internet……
Oh no wait, that was my cat. Of course because the only that people want to look at is memes and pictures of animals.
So here I am on the verge of Easter holidays. Deep in the throes of marking assignments and exams hoping beyond hope that all my students are geniuses and that I can give them all As. (It isn’t until term 4 and I am looking down the barrel of Christmas holidays that I will have truly gotten to know them and be more realistic about the effort they are putting in and the consequent grade.
Life has been relatively boring. My sex life even more so. My world seems populated by men who are more than happy to have sex with me as much as I want as long as there is minimal effort on their part. I. Just. Want. To be. Seduced. Dare I say it; Christian Grey style. Although I would like to think I would be less insipid than Anastasia. I am also more than happy for him not to be quite so brooding or even that wealthy.
On the plus side I am seeing a Colombian. He is enthusiastic I will give him that. And he gives amazing head. I wish his English was better, or my Spanish. Either or. Maybe I should treat myself to a visit.
When I Say No….
As a teacher and as a parent I have learned a few things about saying no. The first one is that when you say no you have to mean it. Saying “no” and then changing your mind when everyone protests just sends the message that no doesn’t mean no it means “try a little harder to convince me”.
The second thing I have learned about saying no is that you have to be prepared to back it up with a reason. Having a sound reason usually reduces the amount a student/ child will try to convince you that you really meant yes. Finally, in my experience, the people who try the hardest to change your mind are the ones who have learned from experience with other people that you can change someone’s mind. These students/ children are usually proficient at techniques that trigger an emotional response such as pouting, eye rolling, and making statements like “I was just trying to….”. These students are the hardest to deal with but getting them to see things your way is not impossible.
I posted recently about s conversation I had with a man I have enjoyed as a lover and his inability to u derstand and respect “no”. In my post I outlined my dealings with my ex lover and my very clear no. That, I thought, was that. How wrong I was. I received a couple of messages during the week about “accidental” messages automatically sent from social media apps like Snapchat and then whammo we are talking again. Well he is talking and asking me to video chat with him (he has been working in an extremely remote location over the Christmas Break). Of course I replied no. As I put my phone down I said to it “I am not going to fuck you.”
Of course he didn’t hear that, not that it would make any difference. The problem is even as I was saying the words a small part of me was protesting. He is attractive. He does have sex appeal and there were aspects of fucking him that I enjoyed. A tiny part of me almost believes that idea that it will be different if I give him another chance. Of course the rational part of me has to step in and firmly remind the positive, fantasy me of the frustration and dissapointment that is the most likely outcome if I give in.
Sometimes being the most responsible adult in the room is hard.
TMI Tuesday -Boxing Day Edition
Boxing Day is a public holiday that seems to be unique to Britain, Australia and possibly other parts of the British Commonwealth. The origins of the holiday are a little unclear but The Spruce gives some feasible explanations. In modern times it seems that Australians, and possibly Brits are really just celebrating their love of a public holiday. In Australia Boxing Day is marked by two great sporting traditions; The commencement of the Boxing Day test cricket match held at the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Ground) and the commencement of the Sydney to Hobart Yacht race in Sydney Harbour. Both contests are marathon tests of skill and stamina with the Sydney to Hobart being responsible for the loss of more than one life even in recent times. For us mere mortals it is a time to recover from over indulging on Christmas Day or perhaps just a way to extend to celebrations for a little longer. Most people would agree that Boxing Day is much more relaxed and if we do attend a gathering it will most likely be with people we actually like instead of fulfilling family requirements and satisfying obligations.
Of course there is always time to enjoy some TMI goodness.
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yes. In the whole go to church, get together with the family and eat too much way. I am a practising Catholic so in some ways I take Christmas a little bit seriously. I know December 25 is not the day of Christ’s birth and I know that many of the Christmas traditions we observe are derived from Paganism but the essence of the day, the birth of a child that will change the world deserves some attention. If you are not a Christian then the idea of putting aside differences and taking time to be with people, somehow, also deserves some attention.
2. Tell us about your Christmas celebration.
In our family there is no specified format for Christmas. This year we, Mr Jones, Myself and our children have traveled to spend a few days with my parents at the Cattle Property in Central Queensland. We started the day with ham and pre birds for breakfast followed by unwrapping of presents. Followed by cold lunch on the verandah with my brother and his wife. The maximum temperature for the day was 37 degrees so the only thing I could have added was a swimming pool.
3. What season is it where you live?
It is most definitely summer with a vengeance. As I said in the previous response the maximum temperature yesterday was 37 degrees. In the morning I spoke with my brother who lives in southern New South Wales and they were experiencing a very chilly morning that required a jumper. My sister in law was adamant that this is not how Christmas should feel. I was reminded of this song.
4. It’s the end of the year, what are you still trying to accomplish before the end of the year?
Not really much. The main thing that is playing on my mind is continuing to reduce my weight and improve my fitness but that is more of a long term lifestyle thing.
5. Do you have any plans for New Year’s Eve?
Mr Jones and I will be taking our yacht up the Brisbane River to weigh anchor and watch the fireworks off the Story Bridge. Some vanilla friends and our children will be joking us it should be a great relaxing night.
There was no bonus this week but in the spirit of one of my favourite TMIers Nero Speaks I have added my own
Bonus:What is on your ‘Fucket List’ for the coming year.
I have updated my Fucket List Page with a couple of items that are on the immediate horizon. I am hoping that The Englishman’s availability improves a little in the new year because he is cute and I have plans for him 😉
I hope you have enjoyed this rather rambling TMI make sure that you check out the other contributors at TMI Tuesday
